|WWF Sunday Night Heat by The Cubs Fan
Last week, in this very report, I made a offhand remark about an offhand hand remark Tazz isn't really thrilled with the way Albert and X-Pac are treating Justin, for whatever reason. So, point to the WWF for setting up the angle of the next night there...
But not at all with the angle they spent the whole night running. Why was Justin mad? If he knew he was about to get over big on the WWF, why would it bug him that X-Pac and Albert were acting like jerks? Why would Justin risk blowing the surprise by not showing up with X-Factor last night? Why didn't they even bother to show a vignette as an explanation? If Justin was really angry about the way X-Pac and Albert was treating him, why didn't he get some of his friends to help him get revenge on them for being jerks?
I guess what REALLY bugs me is that we're supposed to be picking up and noticing the small hints they give to set up what's gonna happen next, and be impressed when they tie in so well, but at the same time, totally ignore the other stuff that contradicts what happens next. There's no way to know which thing will be which until later - when they stop talking about it, or they change how they talk about it.
tvpglv. Earlier today, our favorite couple were hanging out in Central Park, I guess. Whimsical, romantic music plays along with this montage. Molly wins at chess! Throwing pennies in the pond. Double scoops of ice cream. Aren't things so happy? Isn't this the part of the soap opera where someone dies but that means someone else gets their heart and so her deathbed marriage with that other guy is actually gonna be a real one but no one (including the other girl who likes that guy who's married to that girl who's supposed to die but didn't because another one dead because they were trying to kill her husband) really knows what to make of that marriage. Or something like that. Open.
WWF! NY! Michael Cole! and no Tazz - he's not here, he's not returning phone calls, so we're forced to got the back up option. Which isn't so bad - because the back up option is Al Snow. Guess those rumors about Al getting a try out are real after all. Al's sure taking the scenic route to the broadcast table. Everyone's happy to see him. Under over on him getting choked out is 3 minutes to the hour. Molly and Spike are our guest hosts and...
Justin Credible (w/EC F'n W shirt, ECW) vs Albert (WWF) for the Intercontential Title - The story now, according to Michael Cole, is that JUSTIN was the one acting strange last week. Why are the WWF giving WCW/ECW a shot at their titles? Is X-Factor going to replace Justin? Do they even care that he's gone? You ref is someone I don't recognize, but a WCW someone (I thought it was WWF low-ref-on-the-totem-pole Mike Sparks? - CRZ). Justin taunts Albert, then wisely leaves the ring. Albert follows, Justin in, Albert in but Justin's on him. Al tells the story A HECK OF A LOT BETTER: Paul used Justin's jealously/anger towards the rest of X-Factor to convince him to get him to jump. Justin's strikes don't do much damage, though a slap really annoys Albert. Off the ropes, Albert's ready for him so Justin slides through his legs, kick but Albert catches him, spins him around and nails him with a punch. Here's another right. Rights. Just flip, and into the press slam. Justin wants a hand shake. "I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!" Albert's not having any of this kick, kick kick, whip into the corner and a hiptoss out. Justin's heading out of the ring but Albert grabs him by a leg and pulls him, hopping on the other leg, to his feet (well, foot.) "C'mon, I'm sorry!" "Uh uh, you should have never left us!" Enzuiguri by Justin! Right, right, charge and Albert backdrops him to the floor. Replay as Albert goes to the floor. Apron smash. Albert picks Justin over his shoulder and tries to run him into the corner, but Justin slips off and pushes Albert in. Albert pushed in, Justin to the top rope The flying ax-handle is caught right into position for the Baldo Bomb - one two three. (2:28) I wonder who Justin ticked off to be the only ECW guy to lose, and get squashed at that. Albert has some more words for Justin after the match, but we cut to
Spike and Molly are pulling up in a horse drawn carriage. Al calls them "Eddie Munster and Ellie May Clampet" Spike has a crutch, I guess I should point that out before it gets used. Break.
We're still in NY, in case you forget. Al can read ads fine. Oh no, Michael Cole has that "video clip coming up" voice tone going on. Awww. Plenty of ECW logo's in this video package and in Justin's graphic, in case you were wondering. (1:20) Cole will never forget the look on Vince's face when Steph turned on him. Hey, if you're reading this a year from when it happened, try and see if he actually remembers.
K-Kwik vs Billy Kidman for the WCW Cruiserweight Title - Why is WCW giving the WWF title matches? Lita at WWFNY on Wednesday. Your ref is WCW's Charles Robinson. Lockup, waistlock by Kwik, Kidman elbows out, off the ropes, Kwik waves and misses with a clothesline and Kidman hits the flying headscissors. Dropkick. Cole calls them both "charismatic young superstars." Fear for Kidman's future! Right, corner whip, Kwik with the kip (over charging Kidman), flip (for no reason), split (under the clothesline) and (jumping) side kick that I know by heart now. Kwik yells something and then covers for one, kickout. One, kickout. Kwik argues the count. Right. Turnbuckle shot. Cole and Snow use the "Paul Heyman's Kool-Aid" speech. Kick down in the corner, then Kwik does a push up on the top rope so his feet are just high enough to kick Kidman without actually standing on him. Kwik with a muscle pose - does he get boos? A few. Sunday Night Heat could be out of business in two weeks if WCW/ECW wins at Invasion. WHY? They keep acting like the WWF will be out of business if they lose that match and I don't get why. Sure, it'd suck for WWF to lose prestige wise, but there's nothing else on the line. Double leg takedown by Kidman, who holds on to the legs for a slingshot into the ropes, bouncing off them and falling right back on Kidman's knees. Neato - cool use of Kwik's flexibility in a more natural way than that split. Right from Kidman, right from Kwik is blocked (Kidman is so totally playing the FACE here and that's very confusing here), more rights from Kidman, corner whip, reversed, Kwik charge in gets a boot, then Kidman with a second rope missile dropkick. Right misses, but Kidman's short powerbomb doesn't. One two kickout. Whip, reversed into the Flatliner one two Why hasn't someone told Kwik not to use Kanyon's finisher as a non-winning move when he's on the show? (Maybe it's not Kanyon's finisher anymore - that would explain the weird Flatliner call last week.) Kwok going to the top but Kidman crotches him - Kidman with a top rope 'rana (Kwik with some delayed selling that makes it look not so good) cover one two kickout. Fans are behind Kidman (as much as they're into any Heat match.) Corner whip, reversed, Kidman goes for a kip up but Kwik catches him - inverted powerbomb! Kwik is slow to roll over and cover, one two kickout. Kwik picks up Kidman for a powerbomb - Kidman fights back with punches in mid air, causing Kwik to turn him around, facing front. Kidman keeps on knocking Kwik's head, causing him to fall face forward, right in position for Kidman's Finisher for the one two three. (3:35) I think I'll go with "reverse face driver" from now on.
Lugz Concahirto and IC Title Change Of Last Thursday
Crash (WWF) vs Perry Saturn (w/Terri and mop, WWF) - Wait, huh, this is a normal match? It sure looks like all the rest. Every time they say "WWF Tough Enough is the highest rated TV show on cable on Thursday Nights", I remember Rugrats beat them last week. Al doesn't see how Perry could be talking to a mop - "I mean, I could see if was a a head, a deer head or a dog." You ref is Chad Patten. As Saturn steps on the bottom rope to let Terri out of the ring, Crash charges and attacks from behind. Back suplex! Whip, hiptoss into a face first powerbomb! This upcoming week's episode of Tough Enough is Al's favorite. Al can't talk about "the bread incident", but it's hilarious. Al wouldn't lie to me like that, so it must be. Crash with a stomp. "C'mon Perry!" Stomp. Slap to the back of the head. "C'mon Perry, C'mon!" Off the ropes and right into Saturn's clotheslines. Shoulder tackles into the gut. Al was talking to Bea Arthur at Hooters the other day, and she couldn't stop eating the hot wings. Also, she likes Tough Enough. Saturn with a corner whip, no, wait, he's spinning Crash back into the corner he came from, Crash rebounds out and there's a flapjack. Right. Whip, reversed, Crash's head down too soon, Knee from Saturn, Saturn backs up and charges again but Crash flips Saturn out of the ring. Terri is over to help out Saturn and keep him away from Crash, but Crash still manages to get a right and a whip into the steps. Suplex on the floor. Crash throws him back in and goes to the rope - Missile dropkick. Cover one two kickout. Crash doesn't seem as surprised as you'd think he'd be that his finisher yesterday doesn't work today. Stomping. Crash starts to talk away, then comes back to punch Saturn as he gets up. Finnaly one's blocked and Saturn comes. Crash off the ropes, flying headscissors. Clothesline. Crash celebrates and the crowd cheers for him? Huh? Cover one two kickout. Cover one two kickout. Crash argues both counts, then goes back to punching. Saturn again comes back till Crash goes off the ropes and goes for the flying headscissors but, this time, Saturn gets loose and clotheslines Crash to the mat. Overhead belly to belly suplex. Clothesline. Kick. Canadian backbreaker lift, and run into the corner. Saturn's been watching Rick Steiner matches. Celebrate. Terri does as well. Saturn to the top - big splash comes up empty. Crash 'rana and holds on one tow kickout. Crash argues the count with his ref clone and almost makes a move on him, but think better of it. Crash catches Perry making a move on him, and drop toe holds him into the bottom rope. Cover, feet on the bottom rope, one two Patten notices. Now Crash has Patten by the shirt, but he does let go and goes back to arguing. This time Crash doesn't see Saturn coming - superkick! Crash is up but staggered - Moss Covered Three Handed Family Grudunza! (Cole: "Fisherman's Suplex", how quick we forget) one two three. (4:06) Somewhere up there, Al asks how Vince could feel that his own children are against him. Probably like the last few times that's happened. Terri's looking for a victory hug, Saturn's looking for the mop. "There's some definite therapy issues there - I should know."
Molly thanks Spike for the flowers he picked for her. They're just so happy together. Ah, a candlelight dinner. They toast - milk and iced tea? Okay. Break.
Slim Jim "Chicks Dig Us" Of Last Monday. Jeff must
Cole says it not exactly the "Kennel in the Hell" match that Al was in, but that Bra and Panties match will be something. The invasion is so important we want everyone to loose.
Big Show (WWF, right now?) and Billy Gunn (WWF) vs Shawn Stasiak (WCW, right now?) and Chris Kanyon (WCW) - I feel so sorry for Kanyon. The firs team gets separate entrance, but we're not sure what Kanyon is using as a theme still. Kanyon and Stasiak could be in the main event of Invasion, according to Cole. STONE COLD STONE COLD STONE COLD STONE COLD STONE COLD STONE COLD STONE COLD STONE COLD I'D GIVE THEM LOTS OF MONEY TO SAY "Hey, if we unsuspended that ROCK fellow, we might stand a real good shot at winning this!" Say his NAME already. Your ref is Teddy Long and can we really trust him? Gunn and Stasiak start. Stasiak tells Gunn that he wants Big Show. Gunn looks at him like "Why?" and looks at Show if he wants in. Show's all "I rather stand here on the apron if it's all the same to you", but Gunn is oblivious and tags him in. Sean taunts Show from a good distance, waves him in, then turns and punches Gunn off the apron. Kanyon's in and helping Stasiak pound Show even before Teddy has a chance to be distracted by Gunn trying to get at Stasiak. Kanyon goes back out as Long turns around, Stasiak with a corner whip, oh wait Show's not going anywhere. Stasiak tries a few more kicks a few more pounds, and he's not still not going. Big clothesline. Al Snow's theory is that Big Show is actually a Big Foot they shaved and taught English. The yell for the chokeslam? Traditional Big Foot yell. This would explain why he got along with the Yeti so well. Headbutt. Elbow drop. Tag to Gunn. Gunn with punches. Corner whip, charge and and Stasiak gets back elbow up before diving for a tag to Kanyon. Rights from Kanyon. Whip, clothesline misses, Gunn goes over and hits a dropkick. Guinn pumped - armdrag into an armbar. Up to their feet, Kanyon gets to the ropes and hits the shoulder tackles. Whip, reversed, Gunn puts his head down too soon and Kanyon hits a Russian Legsweep. No one says Flatliner. Elbowdrop, elbowdrop, elbowdrop, cover one two kickout. Tag to Sean, right to the side, right to the side. Kick kick boot choke. This is a DREAM MATCH UP! Gunn battles back and I'm really not feeling it this week - so eventually Stasiak goes for his finisher but Show is in to break it up and push Sean in the corner before leaving the ring. Here's the race to the tag, tag to Show, Kanyon comes in without one and gets a clothesline. Clothesline for Stasiak. Knee, open hand chop. Corner whip. Clotheslines, Gunn clotheslines Kanyon out. Show with a boot to the midsection and sets up Stasiak - he's not gonna powerbomb him onto the turnbuckle, is he? Ah, a reverse powerbomb instead. One two three. (4:27) Gunn and Show pose like they're a regular tag team or something. So, WWF 2, WCW 1, Perry Saturn 1, ECW 0. Of course, it's all Heat so it doesn't really mean anything at all.
Play that romantic music. Spike and Molly talk and kiss and then go out for their interview. Al: "Do you want a hug, Michael?" Break.
Interview time. Talk about Crash's injury, which Cole says it's "ironic" that the Dudleyz hurt him. He's getting it checked again in a few days. They're SO cute. Al again asks Michael if he wants a hug. Al starts to go off on a spiel and Michael gets on him so long . Despite their feuding families, their relationship is stronger than ever. Cole asks the ECW question and the fans hope he doesn't - Spike's more concerned with his leg and Molly than ECW right now. When questioned, Spike says that he's more loyal to Molly than to ECW (or the WWF.) He'll always be grateful for the chance he got in ECW, but the ECW he knew isn't this ECW. Tomorrow night on RAW, Spike has a major announcement and he wants Molly to be there. That's it. Molly didn't get to say ANYTHING. That's not right at all.
What will happen on RAW? Will Stone Cold show up? Oh, I guess Al's not getting beat up this week because we've got another very special Stone Cold video package. Hey, who's that guy in this 'old Stone Cold' clips? Seems to fight with Austin an awful lot. (3:00) Al: "It's one thing to see Al Snow strum a guitar and sing Kumbaya, but to see Stone Cold do it is just disturbing." EVERYONE'S LIVELYHOOD is depended on the WWF winning. See you Monday.The Cubs Fan
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