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WWF Sunday Night Heat by The Cubs Fan





Let the Bodies Hit the Floor SummerSlam Promo (:13)


It's WWF! It's NY! It's One Week Till SummerSlam! It's - why is someone holding up a "Germ is Hardcore" sign? Oh yea, it's WWF Heat and your hosts are Al Snow and Michael Cole. Raven will be the special guest host, later on. Lance Storm defends against Scotty 2 Hotty. Right now...

charismatic young superstar K-Kwik vs Hurricane Helms - K-Kwik, who doesn't even pause rapping when he's rolling in the ring, has new pants. He still has the belt with the gold chains on it, though. Helms, as usual is greeted with deafening silence. Kwik tries to start the clap but he's no Scotty 2 Hotty. Then he dances! Then he wrestles! Lockup, armdrag.  Helms with a shove, Kwik shoves back, Helms checks himself and comes back with a right right whip, hiptoss no blocked and Kwik hits his own. Right, corner whip, reversed, Kwik with the kip, flip, split and side kick. "YAAAA!" Cover for one two kickout. Cole remembers Kwik's three word description. Whip, reversed, sunset flip, one two kickout. Kwik up - Hurricane Smack cover one two kickout. Al reminds us that, besides being a cruiserweight champion, Helms is a former Hardcore champion and "the fastest rising Crusierweight Champion in history - it only took him four months", though I seem to remember him being around for a lot longer. Maybe Al's looking at it a different way? Snap suplex. Quick to the second rope and the fistdrop connects. Cover one two kickout. Helms signals for something, and now he's taking his time going up. Kwik is moving and into the top rope, crotching Helms, who falls all the way to the mat after impact. Both men crawling - now up, Helms right blocked, Kwik's not. Repeat. Right, right, whip, reversed, flying forearm. Big right by Kwik, right right dancing right. Pick up - yell - suplex but Helms falls behind, waistlock but Kwik to the ropes, Helms rebounds back but manages to get up and try for the Hurricane Smack again, Kwik catches it, spins Helms around, kick Hat Rack Cracked. (3:00

It's a limo. Nice timing to come right after the match ended. It's Raven. And Terri is with him. I need a break to take in this shocking development.

Oh good, here's one.

RC (WWF) Tag Team Titles Tumultuous Trade of Thursday.

Sean Stasiak and Mike Awesome vs the Hollys - Cole asks why Kanyon would be friends with DDP and I hope that Al says "they're both from Jersey" but no dice. Crash and Sean to start this - lockup, no knee from Sean, right right right right right right right. Alliance ref Charles Robinson warns Sean about the closed fists. Whip, lift, Crash falls behind, off the ropes, under the clothesline, off the ropes and a flying headscissors. Tag to Awesome, and Crash gives him a drop toe hold before tagging out. Hardcore with a whip, clothesline. Armdrag, armbar. Tag to Crash, who goes up - flying fist to the barred arm. Whip, clothesline misses, Crash with a waistlock but a back elbow breaks that out. It's Awesome who actually lands the German suplex, dropping Crash on his back. Stomp, Turnbuckle smash. Tag to Stasiak, and they both kick Crash down in the corner. Whip, jumping back elbow from Sean. Pose. Stomp. Stomp. Turnbuckle smash. Corner whip, clothesline. Pull out in a knee and a gutwrench suplex. Cover one two kickout. Stasiak pulls Crash into his corner, tag to Awesome, right right right and Sean steps out so Awesome can lay in a kick. Here's a knee that might have been illegal - Robinson was looking at Stasiak. Whip, clothesline cover one two kickout. Awesome sit down powerbomb one two Hardcore breaks it up. Robinson reminds him that he needs as a tag to come in, while Stasiak comes in without the benefit of a tag. Stomp, stomp, stomp, boot scrape. Robinson asks Awesome about the tag and and Awesome assures Robinson there was one. Corner whip, reversed, Stasiak kips up and hits the reverse neckbreaker. One two Hardcore in and breaks it up. Stasiak runs Crash into Awesome's boot and tags him in. Awesome with a turnbuckle smash, corner whip, charge in but meets boot. Crash hops to the second rope as Awesome stumbles back over - swinging DDT! Can Crash make the tag? Tag to Stasiak, tag to Hardcore. Right for Sean, right for Awesome. Right for Sean, right for Awesome. Whip, backdrop for Sean. Awesome makes the mistake off resting on the ropes, making it easy for Hardcore to pull him up and hit the super low blow. Whip, the best drop in the kick in the business one two Awesome has to make the save. Awesome works over Hardcore in one corner while Crash goes after Stasiak. Awesome and Crash try to whip their opponents into each other, but both whips are reversed and it's Awesome and Crash who collide. Crash goes down, Awesome is staggered. Stasiak throws Crash out and Hardcore takes care of Awesome with a back suplex. Hardcore doesn't notice Stasiak in the ring right away - inside cradle one two kickout. Hardcore up first but he gets clotheslined. Stasiak tells Awesome to go up - Stasiak with a running powerslam and goes to pose, but Hardcore moves out of the way of the top rope splash! Stasiak back over, kick to the midsection, forearm to the back, Hardcore starts to bend him over for whatever he's was thinking about going for, but lets him back up, now it's Stasiak with the kick, setting up for a powerbomb but Hardcore escapes, lands on his feet, loads Stasiak up and  hits the Alabama Slam. (5:26) Al: "I always thought Crash was taller on the Lucky Charms box." 2-0 for the WWF, Cole reminds us.

Terri and Raven talk just below the ambient sound level - she's happy to be in the Alliance and should be, because she doesn't have to deal with lunatics like Perry Saturn anymore. Coming up next, Lance Storm vs Scotty 2 Hotty.

This isn't Lance Storm and Scotty 2 Hotty! This is Tough Enough Clips! I feel betrayed. (1:13)

Lance Storm vs Scotty 2 Hotty for the InterContinetial Title - Al: "It's good to see that the Alliance has their own Steve Blackman." Lance will have none of these dancing shenanigans and attacks Scotty before he can even dance his shirt off. Forearm, right, right, whip, clothesline misses, kick by Scotty is caught, he backflips out and hits a right, right, whip, Lance holds the ropes so Scotty just clotheslines him over. Cole gives away the ending of this match by reminding us that Edge will take on Lance Storm for the IC Title at SummerSlam. Scotty finnaly gets his shirt off and slides to the floor, Lance around the corner and back in, Scotty back in, Lance off the ropes and over, Scotty puts his head down too soon but Lance just whips him (awkward), Scotty comes off the ropes with a weak clothesline as Lance stands there with a weak one (even more so) and Lance finnaly reigns in the match with a knee. Knee. Whip, flying headscissors by Scotty. Right, corner whip, Scotty looks at the crowd, off the ropes, Lance ducks the two hand bulldog and shoves Scotty shoulder first into the ringpost. Whip, Scotty ducks under two clotheslines and hits a cross body one tow kickout. Jawbreaker by Storm puts the stop to this, pause to recover than cover one two kickout. Brain Hebner is our ref and is unhappy that Lance is choking Scotty on the ropes. Crowd chants "USA." Vertical suplex. One two kickout. Chinlock. Takes Lance down to the mat. Scotty battling out - elbow, elbow, knee by Lance stops it. Lance pushes Scotty in the corner, chop, chop, Scotty with a right, right right knee by Lance to stop it again. Corner whip, reversed, Scotty charges in but gets a boot. Lance up to the second rope and jumps out into a dropkick. Both men down. Crowd gets behind Scotty. Lance up, Scotty up, Lance's right is blocked, next one is ducked and Scotty hits a right, right. Whip, backdrop. Corner whip, charge in with a back elbow. Lance staggers out - two hand bulldog. W - O - R - M hoo hoo hoo ya. Scotty, for no good reason, decides to go smile at the crowd instead of making the cover, and when he finnaly gets around to it, Lance has recovered enough to grab Scotty by the pants and throw him out of the ring. Scotty up on the apron quick, shoulder to Lance, flip over Lance in, off the ropes, Lance drops under and simply grabs a leg as Scotty comes back - right into the half Boston Crab. Scotty battles but gives up quick. (4:22) 2-1, Alliance.

Terri and Raven repeat the earlier stuff. She can be the real her. The Alliance has the power to take down the WWF. It's like we're in a dining room because we can hear tons of people talking in the distance and it's very distracting. 

Next week, the "Half-Nelson" Tough Enough marathon. They thought long and hard for that name.

Raven and Terri are out and they have nothing really to say. I actually like Raven sometimes, but I'm not in the mood. Raven thinks that his relationship with Terri will work, and isn't any of their business. Cole points that Heyman made fun of Terri on Raw, and Terri said it woke her up. She didn't need Perry Saturn. Moppy chant by the fans. While Terri lays down so we can see partly up her half shirt, Raven says that while Paul's "fiscal sense" may not be good, he's good otherwise and Shane and Steph will take care of the money. Not like that, though, and he has to repeat it for Al. The WWF is becoming obsolete and the Alliance is the trend of the future. You know, if Raven really was as smart a guy as they claim him to be, wouldn't he realize that he's no better of with the Alliance than he was with the WWF? He's still the same place on the food chain. Oh well. SummerSlam is important. The Alliance is united. Terri ends this bit by looking vacant. Well, more than usual.

Slim Jim Angle ankle snap of last Thursday. 

Actually, it's not broken - it's "severely sprained." Let's look at this graphic. Then let's look at the announcers as Al plays with his good luck toy.

Rhyno vs the one Billy Gunn - Al calls Rhyno "the one horned wonder" and by Cole's laugh, I'm afraid to know the true meaning of that. Let's go back to Smackdown and did Al just call it the "OvalTron"? Huh. I wonder if they'll be an all new set for Heat next week. Big Show is Malaysia on a WWF promotional tour. Al claims there been a Yeti sighting in that part of the world, but I think Al's confusing Show with a friend of his. Lockup, Rhyno with a headlock. Cole talks about Big Show and Billy Gunn: "I believe they're [seemingly looks at cue card and overstresses word] UNDERACHIEVERS." Elbow, elbow, Gunn pushes Rhyno into the ropes and Rhyno comes back with a shoulderbreaker. Rhyno off the ropes, over, under, armdrag by Gunn, armdrag by Gunn, cover one kickout. Whip, head down too soon and Rhyno kicks it. Rhyno's punch is blocked, neckbreaker by Gunn for one two kickout. Right. Right. Whip, reversed, spinebuster by Rhyno. Delayed cover one two kickout. Right. Turnbuckle mash. Kick. Snap suplex. Rhyno going up - flying headbutt misses. Both up - both down thanks to a double clothesline. Al compares Rhyno off the top rope to a hummer off the Empire State Building. Both down. Gunn up first, right, right, whip, powerslam. One two kickout. Corner whip, corner jumping splash but Rhyno moves out of the way. Rhyno sets up and the crowd calls for it - but Gunn counters the Gore with a dropkick to the face! Cover one two NO. The crowd was looking an upset there Whip, reversed right into the One and Only! Gunn covers immediately one two kickout! Gunn tries for a look of "Hey, he just kicked out of my finisher!" but ends up just looking out of breath. Gunn, with nothing else to try, calls for the Fameasser and decides to bounce off the ropes to do it - but Rhyno's up to quick and GORE one two three. (3:56) This coming Sunday, Chris Jericho gets a chance at revenge on Rhyno.

Look at all the excitement of RAW is War! It's coming to Chicago Monday night! And you can't go! Tickets are sold out - but maybe they'll be some released on the day of the vent. Local DJ Mancow is giving prizes to whoever holds up a sign for him - just a warning.

Let's end with a video package of Rock and Booker T. (~2:30)

The Cubs Fan
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