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WWF Sunday Night Heat by The Cubs Fan




One Year Ago, Lo Down beat Too Cool, Test used a chair to beat Bradshaw, a Happy Christmas wish from the Holly are interrupted by Kaientai (who've suddenly learned how to speak English without moving their lips) but a TAKA and Funaki attack doesn't quite work out and K Kwik and Road Dogg manage a win over the former champs RTC, but Goodfather and Bull leave them laying post match. In WWFNY, Santa Claus encourages the Dudley Boyz that the RTC is the right way, and he gets put through a table to end the show.

(attitude) Open 

It's New York! It's the Holidays! (Happy Eid!) It's WWFNY! It's Heat! It's Tazz and Obvious Man Michael Cole! They're all shook up because special guest Christian hasn't arrived yet. Gee, they didn't seem all that upset that last fifteen times someone's waited till the end of the first segment to show up.

Chuck Palumbo vs Big Show - Palumbo comes down to the Gunn/Palumbo team spliced video because the solo one includes shots of Sean O'Haire, I guess. Rumors about RAW later! Please don't go watch SportsCenter. It's a HUGE rumor. HUGE. Like Big Show. It could shake up the whole industry. Like, well, never mind. Show puts a hand on Palumbo's chest, but Chuck pushes away (because he's already in a committed relationship.) Show, offended, swings and misses. Right right right, Show throws Palumbo into the corner and knees him. Knee. Corner whip, charge, Palumbo gets the boot up but Show blocks it, then hits a chop. Open hand slap apparently sounds like a gun going off to Tazz. Headbutt. Turnbuckle smash. He only has two corners to go. Knee. Hiptoss. Your ref is Chad Patten. There are long pauses here. Whip, Palumbo holds on to the ropes, but Show just waits, and then charges with a boot. Palumbo moves, Show gets caught in the ropes with his right leg so Palumbo takes out the left. Palumbo goes out to smash the leg into the apron some. Right and another apron smash. Right. Patten yells at Palumbo to get in the ring, and that slows him down enough that when he tries for another leg smash into the apron, Show's fully recovered (I guess) and kicks Palumbo away. Show slowly gets up, so Chuck takes out the leg. Right right kick right discus right kick right right that one's finnaly blocked and Show hits one of his own. Can he stand up? Sure. But then Chuck kicks him in the left leg again and he's back down to kneeling on one leg (his "bad" leg.) Right. Right. Right. Show pushes him away. Show to his feet, Chuck goes for a kick but Show catches it and pushes him down. Show slower than usual, leans on the ropes to keep his balance JUNGLE KICK! Is that enough? One two NO! He just kicked out of the man's move! That would have been a major upset. Chuck unwisely argues that two should be three (two become one) and Show pulls himself up on the ropes. Palumbo turns around - clothesline. Clothesline. Corner whip, corner clothesline. Corner whip, corner splash. Show's leg seems to have recovered, and now he's taking down the straps. Setting up, goozle, low kick from Palumbo. Patten is over to argue as Show deals with the pain. Hey, it's the one Billy Gunn and while Palumbo forces Patten's attention away by falling into the corner and holding Patten there, Gunn hits the Fameasser (Show right in position, kneeling over from the low blow.) Gunn out as quick as he's in and hiding out of view - Palumbo's over one two three. (3:30) Well, I didn't think he'd kick out of two finishers. Gunn is happy. Palumbo is happy but tired. Show is not happy. Here's a replay. Tazz: "Billy Gunn jumping about six and a half feet in the air." Sure.

Christian isn't here yet, so let's go back to Smackdown and see, yes, Tazz did make Christian submit to the Tazzmission in that six man tag. Because of that victory, Tazz has been granted a European title shot this Monday. Hey, what happened to Tazz and Vince being buddies? Is this part of that or am I supposed to have forget ton about that by now? Miss Jackie vs Trish later! It was on Vengeance and stuff.

Christian just showed up after the break. I hope you weren't worried. We get the 20th of the 125 mentions of the Tazz/Christian match here. Moving on (ha), let's go look at Steve Austin's RAW and Smackdown. For a second there I thought they were going to air the whole fifteen minute piece again, but they do decide to clip things out eventually. I don't know if (5:35) is that much better. This Just In: Booker T and Steve Austin will be on RAW. There's a big rumor going around! Stay tuned and you might find out more about. Actually, Tazz just talked to Joey Numbers and he found it involves Chris Jericho. So what, all they knew is there was a big rumor? They had no idea who was involved? I imagine this conversation:

WWF Heat Producer: Hey, Michael, have you heard the big rumor about RAW?
Michael Cole: A big rumor?! What is it?!
WWF Heat Producer: I don't know.
Michael Cole: Great! I'll go talk about it! 
WWF Heat Producer: Also, Tazz will take us all out to dinner if we talk a bunch about his match on RAW.
Michael Cole: Great!
WWF Heat Producer: What do you think of Frosted Flakes?
Michael Cole: They're great!

Because You Demanded It, Miss Jackie vs Trish, later.

I wonder if someone will realize they still have someone's mic on during the Dudley Boyz ad? Cole starts to talk at the very end ("That was a great-") but we go to MTV commercials.

Hey, Skip Hicks hit the big run to pretty much end the Packers NFC Central lead right here. That was nice 

Lugz Boot of Lita of Last Monday. 

Cole says "c'mon" about ten times talking about that clip.

Perry Saturn vs Funaki - Saturn's got his facial hair back. Check out the Confederate flag in the crowd. Funaki hasn't paid off Chimel yet. Just in - Big Show has challenged Billy Gunn for a rematch because of what happened earlier, so we get two Big Show matches tonight. Lockup, Saturn pushes, Funaki turns it around, Saturn with forearm forearm European uppercut. Whip, hiptoss blocked and Funaki hits an armdrag. Matt Hardy will be at WWFNY for RAW Monday. Tazz describes Matt as "highly into chicks", thanks for that. Armdrag. Drop toe hold, clapping, off the ropes, dropkick to the face. Funaki celebrates, turns around, and gets punches to the gut. Whip, clothesline misses, Funaki with a waistlock, Saturn to the ropes, Funaki holds on and rebounds into a back cradle for one two kickout. Funaki charges into a fireman's carry into a flapjack.. Second rope springboard dropkick one two no. Whip, Saturn with a shoulder to the gut. Cole's getting MORE information. He's all about the backstage gossip tonight. Anyway, Ric Flair is trying to set up a Chris Jericho and Rob Van Dam for the title on RAW. They both say it's a possibility but boy did Rumble come early. Cole eventually remembers that RVD pinned Jericho on Smackdown. European uppercut. What's with that today? Whip, knee lift but Funaki turns it into a roll up one two no. Funaki with another drop toe hold, this one landing Saturn throat first onto the second rope.  Off the ropes, right into a clothesline. Elbow drop. One two no. Chinlock with a knee to the back. Whip, head to the gut. Elbow drop to the back. Chinlock with a knee to the back. Saturn's got new trunks, I forget to point that out. Tazz is asking questions to get Michael Cole to say Ric Flair every five seconds so he can Woo. European uppercut. Push in the ropes, knee to the back. Brainbuster! One two he's no Chavo. Funaki's getting up so Saturn will drop him with a knee. Another. Whip, sunset flip one two Saturn kicks out. Thrust kick by Saturn. Cole says Saturn's move aggressive. Saturn pulls Funaki out and hits him with an elbow. Face into the apron. Vertical suplex, no Funaki turns it into a small package one two no. Funaki's clothesline misses but he still hits a right right, whip, reversed, Saturn's head down is too soon so Funaki whips him (huh) into the corner, bulldog. Both men down. Saturn up first - fireman's carry but Funaki reverses to a rollup for one two no. Off the ropes, spinning headscissors by Funaki. Flying cross body one two no. Corner whip, reversed, leg sweep by Saturn. Springboard second rope legdrop one two no. "Who was the leader of the Four Horseman?" "Ric Flair" "Wooo" There's the step over armbar and Tazz calls it the "new version Rings of Saturn." Why didn't someone tell Coach to say that? Funaki submits. (5:23) That was far too long. JR will not call it anything.

Christian is hanging out backstage and there's the person to ask if he wants to eat. He wants a well done fillet. Very Well done. Burnt if it all possible. And a soufflé, which will take quite a while. And a glass of pappia juice. It's not on the menu, but maybe they can go run down seventeen blocks and go get one from a restaurant he saw on the way here. They'll be more money for it so sure she'll do it, though it'll take a while to do. The point? Maybe later.

the one Billy Gunn (w/earlier tonight) vs Big Show - What kind of dance is he doing there? I don't want to know. He's got the team spliced video instead of his own because his own features shots of Sean O'Haire, I reckon. Look how the first match ended. It's so sad when tag teams break up. Especially if they didn't have a name and kinda got together for no real reason and did some vignettes and then went their separate ways for no real reason and then started not getting along a couple months after the fact. I bet Gunn punked out Show because he didn't want this tag team to go no place and Palumbo to end up teaming with Tajiri. Show gets his pyro a second time! Gunn rolls out of the ring and calls for a time out but the match hasn't quite started yet. You ref is Jimmy Korderas and I think he's already lost control - Show out, Gunn in, Show in, Show stomped. Right. Right. Right. Show feels nothing. Everyone backs off, then Gunn tries to sneak one in and Show blocks it and hits his own. Clothesline. Punches in the corner, beal out. Gunn flop. Gunn begs off. Show gives room but yells and slobbers. Gunn up, punched, hard corner whip. Standing on him. Gunn stumbles to the floor and I think he's had enough.  Still stumbling. Now Show's coming out after him and Gunn stumbles to his - headbutt. Gunn thrown in. Show comes in. Gunn begs off AGAIN. He gets a goozle. More begging. Why is this taking so long? Why did Show clothesline him instead of chokeslamming him? I don't know, I don't know. Corner whip, slam, no he's going to, oh who knows and it doesn't matter because Gunn escaped.  Gunn points to his head and gets clotheslined. Finally, Chuck Palumbo is in here, so he'll get clotheslined too. He's thrown out of the ring. Show pulls down his straps. Waiting for Gunn to turn around, Gunn acts like the big noise he just heard was Palumbo taking out Show (maybe he's too groggy to realize that he'd also be hearing a bell ring for a DQ) - chokeslam. One two three. (3:06) Show is triumphant. And fat. He really shouldn't pull down his straps.

In the Special Host room, Christian is taking his time on the phone. He'll wait as long as they want - even more! Hey, this is one of those magic cameras where Christian can hear Tazz talking to him - Christian tells Tazz to be quiet because he's on the phone. They argue and Christian plays the "Tazzmission is a illegal choke" card and Tazz plays the "I'll play dumb (while showing how not dumb I really am annoyingly) and pretend you won on Smackdown if you'll come out here so I can yell at you in person instead of over the magic camera' card and eventually Christian agrees but you've got to give him props for not actually wanting to be on this show. Tazz does do the "take off my glassed because I'm really serious and now I'll cut a promo on you" bit. Cole: "Whatever." Michael Cole and Chris Leary would be a winning team. 

Well, maybe not really.

CHRISTIAN to the interview set. Hey, it's snowed in (WWF)NY! Christian ignores the Cole handshake offer. This shouldn't take long. Especially since I'm not transcribing. There's no real interview - I believe Tazz asks Christian (how do you feel about me choking you on Monday?) as many questions as Christian asks Tazz (Are you sure?) and it's mostly Tazz cutting a promo on Christian while Cole and Christian sit nearby. Christian teases "European Rules" which would make the Tazzmission illegal, but appears not to make them. Christian eventually has enough of the non-interview and walks off with his belt, but Tazz says "[bleep]" You'd think he'd learn from when he said the same thing to Al, because almost the same thing happens - Christian and Tazz have extremely close words. This time, for whatever reason (I guess if they're going to have a match we can let them fight on Heat, or something), no one breaks it up. Christian goes for a belt shot but misses and gets put in the Tazzmission to let you know that Tazz has absolutely no chance of winning the title on Monday. Security plies Tazz off and that's that. Christian does not get his belt back - maybe security gave it to him with his soufflé.

Tazz was so incredibly annoying in all of this - like the tough talking bully who's so full of himself you look forward to the good guy punching him right in his nose near the end of the movie. Like, shut up already. 

Tazz cuts (yet another) promo on Christian and they hype RAW and then finally.

Miss Jackie vs Trish Stratus for the Women's Title - One day, Cole and Tazz might explain why they call women tomatoes. You know, what might be a MILLION times more effective than another "Miss Jackie is the toughest lady, maybe the toughest person in the whole WWF" spiel? IF SHE DID SOMETHING TOUGH. Trish "has defended the Women's Title on a number of occasions" which would mean, what, on the PPV and this match? Maybe I'm missing one. Miss Jackie starts off with a kick, chop, chop, side kick. One two no. Jawbreaker by Trish, snap kick, off the ropes, into a clothesline. Miss Jackie with a pick up, whip, backdrop. Miss Jackie's celebrating. Wait for Trish to get up, charge at her and Trish throws her over. Wiat, no, Jackie holds the top rope and does a (not great) headscissors takeover to take Trish out. Miss Jackie waits for her to get up - sliding dropkick to Trish on the floor. Miss Jackie to the floor, fireman's carry and a face drop on the apron. Thrown in. Trish back in, Miss Jackie back in, clothesline. One two no. Small package (Trish doesn't really scissor the free leg so it ends up looking like a normal cover) one two no. Miss Jackie with a clothesline. Clothesline misses, Trish chop chop whip backdrop. Trish charges at Miss Jackie and I think they were going for the spot where Miss Jackie flapjacks her throat first on the ropes, but Miss Jackie didn't get much lift at all so Trish just kinda got run into the rope. Miss Jackie with an elbow drop, stomp, stomp. "The women's wrestling deal should be like women wrestling naked." Corner whip, Miss Jackie charges into a boot, bulldog one two three. (2:42) I thought the other bulldog was the Stratusfaction. I think Miss Jackie was going to do something there but we pull away.

RAW hype. And that's that.

The Cubs Fan
[slash] wrestling

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