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WWF Sunday Night Heat by The Cubs Fan




Two Years Ago, Alex Beckers saw two KOTR qualifying matches (Chyna over Godfather and Val over Al Snow), Perry Saturn defeats Essa Rios while Lita watches on a monitor, the Dudleyz beat Bull and Boss Man in a Tables match, and Benoit retains the IC Title over Rikishi via bridged German Suplex.

One Year Ago, the One Billy Gunn beat Val Venis, Test upset Big Show and Steve Blackman KO-ed Perry Saturn. At WWFNY, Kurt Angle shows of his plaque - he's in the National Wrestling Hall Of Fame. And he talks about Shane a bunch.

TV PG LV entertainment open fireworks

Your announcers are Coach and An Empty Chair. Coach introduces us to the empty chair and reminds us that Raven quit last week. Coach doesn't know if Raven quit just Heat or the WWF - well, it would have nice if someone would have told him what was going to happen on RAW later that night when he was filming this, so he wouldn't so like a moron. Oh god no - Jacqueline's music is playing. Coach has no clue what Miss Jackie could possibly be doing out there, because he IS a moron. You know, she was alright on Tough Enough, and had a good match against Ivory every three months, but I think we're well past pushing it here. If I'm lucky, I'll just ignore this for the hour.

Matt Hardy (w/no one but his glow in the dark T-Shirt) vs Justin Credible - Miss Jackie says that if Tough Enough Jackie shows up here, she's gonna have to change her name. "We can't have two Jackie's running around here!" Apparently, TE Jackie (I hope this match happens with no name changes...and on RAW) told Coach on Thursday that the first one person wants a piece is Miss Jackie. Lockup, Justin with a waistlock, slap to the back of Matt's head, break. Lockup, Matt gets Justin in the corner, clean break no Justin with a cheap right. "[points to chin] C'mon! Hit me right here! Hit me right here!" and Matt does. Armbar, twist. Twist. Justin with a right to break. Whip, clothesline misses, Matt hits his. Shirt off, thrown in Justin's face and there's a double leg takedown. Punches to the head. "Oh yeah!" Corner whip, reversed, Justin charges in to Matt's elbow. Side Effect - no, Justin back elbows out. Matt off the ropes, charges but Justin's drop toe hold takes Matt out of the ring. Weak ECW chant. Matt pulls himself up to the apron and to the ropes, but gets punched (managed to lean forward on the middle ropes), another punch, second rope guillotine legdrop. One two no. Chop, kick, kick, kick, boot choke. Pulling powerbomb. One two no. Chinlock. Battling up, elbow, elbow, Justin's got him by the hair, but Matt turns around with a right right, kneelift, DDT? No, Northern Lights Suplex (no bridge.) Both slow up - Matt's gonna win the punches again. Whip, back elbow, elbow drop. Whip, reversed, dropkick but Matt's caught the ropes. Slingshot into the corner, into a scoop slam. The fans know what's next - second rope legdrop. Justin also knows it's coming, and moves, but apparently too soon but Matt has time to land on his feet without totally killing his knee. Justin's clothesline misses , and now there's the side effect. One two no. I really need to put this on mute. Justin is staggered, at any rate, kick, no Justin's seen this before too and runs Matt backwards into the turnbuckle. Corner whip, Matt stopping just in time to prevent the ref from getting squashed. Justin sees this, sets up, and Matt turns right around into the SUPERKICK! Cover him one two NO! Well, he's not going to win this week. Either. Justin puts Matt on the top rope, superplex? No, Matt fights back and pushes him off - top rope elbowdrop (Coach: "ala Shawn Michaels" well okay.) Kick wham Twist Of Fate one two three. (5:08) "Big win here on Heat!" "What a match!"

Coming up, X-Pac vs D'Lo, much later on.

Slim Jim Dreamer Undertaker something or other of Last Monday

Raven vs Shawn Stasiak - Raven has Fate written on his chest with that white paint he so likes. Also an X on his face. Raven does wander over to the desk to stare and says nothing. Did I miss the Forcable Entry CD cover or have we stopped doing that? Oh boy, Shawn Stasiak. With Jacqueline commentating. True story: for parts of five years, I recapped WCW Worldwide. This would seem to be up there with some of those highlights. You know, I like Raven - he doesn't act sometime as smart as he claims to be (should've waited till there was something waiting for him to leave the desk - fighting Stasiak the next week shows how pointless that decision was) - but he seems like a cool guy. The best part is that he has only the same six moves that he uses every single match. Or at least the matches that he's phoning in. Coach gets a clue (it's handed to him) that Raven only quit as a commentator, but then goes on to speculate that perhaps we're just waiting for the other shoe to drop. Oh wow the full nelson, I look forward to the Stasiak/Henry match at Wrestlemania. He's working Stasiak's left shoulder. Coach is acting like a dumped boyfriend. There's Raven Move #1 - Russian Legsweep into the barrier. There's move #2 - rebound clothesline. Did Kidman steal that from him or did he steal that from Kidman? Move #3, the Mr. Wrestling #2 Kneelift. Styles used to call it as such, and Raven still sometimes makes the "Two!" yell or motion when he feels like it. Oh no, the Stasiak sleeper. Who's the face here? I mean, Stasiak's a nutcase and Raven's a quitter. Raven's getting more cheered, because he's the guy they know better. Stasiak's hearing voices. Coach decides a gutwrench suplex is "an unorthodox slam" - didn't look good, so he has a point. Stasiak is really energized this week for whatever reason. Raven skips ahead (because he didn't get in much offense) to Move #6, the Raven Effect. One Two Three. (4:44)

TE2 Finale highlights. People who were surprised two girls could win weren't paying close enough attention, and people who think they're the better judge of wrestling talent based on a sliver of footage (and perhaps not paying attention that much) are deluded. The real problem is that "winning" means nothing when a person who didn't even make it to the finale got a contract, and you expect that the people who didn't win to get a better than average shot of getting the contract later anyway. Make a self-imposed restriction on signing the losers (six months?), don't set a number of people who get contracts at the end or maybe give up the premise that this a contest that can be won if it's really more of a graduation. But you didn't ask me. (2:15)

Coming up, X-Pac vs D'Lo. 

Snickers Cruncher Title Defense of SmackDown! - remember when they were doing interview segments with an underlining theme of "These title matches mean a lot because there won't be as many because of the split?" That's okay, they don't remember either.

Smackdown (no, not RAW) highlights. Actually, I'm probably supposed to phrase this as "Undisputed WWE Title highlights, which as such are relevant to the RAW brand even though it's something that happened on SmackDown!" so there you go. It's not my company so I don't care. (2:27)

Still to come, D'Lo Brown vs X-Pac. But next, the Hardcore Title is on the line.

" what proved to be the last days for Scott Hall's final curtain in the WWE!" Wow, that's a weird line to squeeze in for the nWo video.

Steven Richards vs Crash (w/last week on Heat) for the WWE Hardcore Championship - See, with Justin already having a match and Crash here, we're probably not going to have a run-in. Miss Jackie: "I had a chance to win a title, but I came up short." Crash is wearing the new WWE T-Shirt, but he's got it cut short, so it just says "Get the F." Yea, last week Steven pinned Crash. Crash has new non-Hardcore Holly ripoff tights. Circle, knee, right, chop, right, choke. Whip, dropkick but Crash had the ropes. Clothesline, off the ropes, spinning headscissors. Steven goes out, so Crash goes to the apron - cross body one two no. Crash picks him up but Steven fights back. Barricade smash - no, it's blocked and Crash hits it. Crash is filling the ring up with weapons. Why doesn't he just use them right now while Steven is on the outside? I don't know about Crash sometimes. I think Coach just sexually harassed Jackie. Steven with a forearm to the back, and then drops him on the second rope. Thrown back in. Steven follows, elbow drop. Now Steven's cleaning up the ring again. Chinlock. All the undercard heels on the RAW side are loopy, apparently. Crash battles out, off the ropes, ducks a clothesline, inside cradle one two no. 'rana? No, powerbomb one two no. I never really believed he was gonna pull it off, between you and me. Now, despite the fact that the announcers have been selling Steven as anti-Hardcore Hardcore champion and that he kicked all the trash can related stuff out of the ring before, Steven rolls out of the ring, grabs a lid, and brings it back in. Does that make any sense? Shot to Crash's head. Picking up Crash, and again. One two no. Crowd barely cares. Front facelock, hand for the crowd, suplex. Going to the second rope with the lid - you can see Crash raising his boot so Steven ends up hitting himself, but Steven doesn't. Crash gets the better of the punches, whip, back elbow. Dropkick. Slam. Lid to the head. Cover one two no. Whip, charge in to a back elbow. Steven going all the way up - so he can get crotched by Crash. Crash pulls him down into the Tree of Woe - then he goes outside, there's a trash can, but Steven's had plenty of time to free himself by now - SUPERKICK to the can. One two three. (3:51) No one runs in. 

Coming up, D'Lo Brown vs X-Pac. Next, highlights from the ladder match.

I'm not gonna mention any more Get The F Out spots. 

Last Monday - did they get the clip for RAW done early? Maybe. (2:44) Coach doesn't remember who put Benoit out of action in the first place - maybe next week.

Coming up next, D'Lo vs X-Pac.

X-Pac (w/Kane mask and Big Show) vs you better recognize D'Lo Brown (has no chance to win) - Now, if Raven was still here, he'd mention the twenty times these two fought for the European Title, but I'm not quite believing this duo will pull that off. Coach comes close by mentioning that D'Lo's a former European champ, but doesn't put it together. Circle. X-Pac sucks. Lockup, X-Pac with an armdrag. Everyone reacts to that. Circle. Lockup, headlock by X-Pac, cranking it in, into a hammer, into a leg trop, ridding his back, slapping him in the back of the head, and celebrate. Lockup, X-Pac with a headlock. Off the ropes, shoulderblock, by D'Lo. Over the ropes, over, X-Pac hip toss is blocked, X-Pac does the Cruiserweight flip out (!) but D'Lo clotheslines him (because this isn't Smackdown.) Armdrag into an armbar. X-Pac with rights, off the ropes, and into a back elbow. Shaky shaky legdrop. One two no. Right. Right. Credit to Coach - he's really carrying the show this week. Whip, reversed, and Show pulls down to the rope so D'Lo goes to the outside. X-Pac manages to distract Nick Patrick in the process. Open hand slap. Thrown in. Elbow to the head. Chop. Chop. D'Lo turns it around in the corner. Open hand slap, chop, corner whip, reversed, X-Pac charges into D'Lo's boot, D'Lo charges into X-Pac's spinning heel kick. One two no. X-Pac sucks. Corner whip, X-Pac charges but no one's home. D'Lo with punches, whip, leg lariat. Whip, and spinebuster one two no. Right. Whip, clothesline misses, but X-Pac tries a cross body - there's the spinning side slam. Coach says "sudden impact! sudden impact!" so I wonder if we've finnaly gotten a move name. No cover - dropkick Big Show as he goes to the apron. No D'Lo, don't try to dive on him, no...oh no he did. And he caught got caught. And slammed into the ring post. I guess that's irony - isn't that how D'Lo beat X-Pac for the European Title one change (with Mark Henry playing the part of Big Show?) Pressed back in, and X-Pac covers one two NO! Dragging D'Lo into to the corner, boot choke, and now he's getting ready. Bronco Buster - but D'Lo gives a boot to the crotch to block! He might not blow this yet. D'Lo to the top as the crowd chants his name - and dives right into the X-Factor. One two three. (4:58) I believe we've seen that finish before too. X-Pac and Big Show aren't done - CHOKESLAM! Here's Bradshaw and he's not happy - right for X-Pac, rights for Big Show and a kick to take him out of the ring, and a short clothesline for X-Pac. He's from Texas! Raw is in Texas! Big Show and X-Pac leave as Bradshaw checks on D'Lo - that's it.

The Cubs Fan
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