/21 November 1999
|WWF Sunday Night Heat
|by Alex Beckers
WWF Sunday Night Heat, Aired 11/21/99, taped 11/16/99.
No report last week because no wrestling was done. I mean, having to read a Survivor Series recap would be bad enough, why on earth would you want to read a recap of the pre-show Survivor Series hype?
Apologies this week -- my VCR crapped out (in sympathy pains for CRZ's?) so you've got what I scribbled or can remember.
We start backstage, where Kaientai is getting coffee and speaking Japanese. Bradshaw tries to get by them to get some coffee. He gets it, and bumps into Funaki, spilling coffee on him. Taka yells at him in Japanese, Bradshaw responds, "That sounds good, but I'm not that hungry." He walks away, giving Kaientai an opportunity to jump him!
I was actually interested by this. Little did I know that this would go on for the FULL HOUR of the show.
Val Venis and Shawn Stasiak vs. The Headbangers
Your hosts are Michael Cole and Kevin Kelly! Who, in typical Heat fashion, spend nearly all during-match time talking about RAW and Smackdown. Tonight! D'von meets D'lo! Sounds D'licious!
Farrooq is on the fone. Bradshaw enters and explains that Kaientai jumped him. He thinks there might've been eight of them or so. Faarooq asks, "You kicked their ass, right? You kicked their ass, right?" When Bradshaw can't answer, Faarooq says to whoever's on the phone, "Two midgets just kicked John's ass!"
Steve Blackman vs. Mideon
Bradshaw is looking in the supply closet for Kaientai. Faarooq helps by looking in small boxes, dustbins, etc. I get it, the joke is that they're SMALL.
WWF Rewind, brought to us by MechWarrior 3, is HHH pie-facing Vince, followed by Vince attacking HHH in the ring from RAW.
Tracy Smothers (no entrance) vs. Rakishi Fatu. This is basically the same match we saw on Jakked, only oddly enough Smothers gets in more offense than Crash Holly did, actually taking the big man off his feet at one point. And then we see Fatu run through his repertoire of butt-based moves. Fatu wins in about (2:20).
The Acolytes are looking for Kaientai, when suddenly a Japanese woman runs up to them. She says that K is willing to challenge to Acolytes to a match, but a "technical match, no brawling." She says "brawling" as "brawring" which leads to about 20 seconds of bad racist comedy as the Acolytes try to figure out what she said. Faarooq asks Bradshaw if he can understand what she meant, since he was in Japan. He asks the girl if she speaks Ebonics. The girl says "No brawring" about two hundred more times in case we don't get the joke. They agree to the match.
Now we see the Ahnold recap and Mazzola interviews that I've seen about seventy times this week.
D'lo Brown vs. D'von Dudley (with Bubba Ray Dudley)
Backstage, The Acolytes prepare for their match. Bradshaw: "We need to use holts!" Faarooq: "Do you mean holds?" Bradshaw: "Yeah, here, like Shamrock, you just twist the ankle like... so..." He's doing nothing, but Faarooq pretends to be in pain as a joke.
This wouldn't be so bad if it didn't take away from the wrestling time. I mean, last week we had a six-minute match between Val Venis and Christian. This week we get two minute Fatu butt-squashes. Wheeeee.
We see a recap of "who hit SCSA with a car", focusing into Vince vs. HHH.
Now we see a recap of what happened tonight, setting up...
The Acolytes vs Kaientai in a Technical Wrestling match.
Not a particularly good show, though it could have been my state of mind after watching the Pats lose AGAIN. The last match was a joke, but seeing the Acolytes just KILL two guys was kinda neat.
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