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/21 October 2000

WWF Jakked


Guest columnist: The Cubs Fan


I think CRZ was talking about that Ching (who posted that, um, remarkable column earlier this week) when he was talking about someone caring about Tiger Ali Singh coming back. But, you had to love it to - I know I did - just for it being so surreal to see Tiger sitting there in the front row all night. And the only thing more out of left field would be Glen Kulka showing up in WCW to continue his feud with Sid. Anyway, I wonder how Tiger feels about Steven Regal. I wonder what Gangrel feels about the guy who used to have his spot being back.

Intro. I think the beginning got cut off because of an before it, but what do you care?

Tazz (w/face pop?) & Raven & Saturn (w/Terri) vs Crash & Too Cool - I don't think Tazz is supposed to be getting that reaction. But this Jakked, so they give face pops to anyone, because they want the show to start. Tazz and Raven are in the Table Invitational. The fans have started to catch on to the new Too Cool music, realizing who it is before they come out. Your announcers are Michael Hayes and Jonathon Coachman. Hayes said that he thought Rikishi had a point - till his actions this week. Grand Master Sexay and Raven start, headlock, off the ropes, shoulderblock, GMS dances, off the ropes, slide under Raven, kick caught, enzuiguri. Hayes calls it, good of him. I think I might have spelt it right this week, good for me. Whip, reversed, GMS holds on, dances, Raven watches, GMS ducks a punch from Saturn and hits one of his own, but gets kicked by Raven. Corner whip, Saturn in while Terri distracts the ref. Saturn and Raven do a corner whip, reversed thing that leaves Raven charging in - to a boot from Sexay. Saturn gets a missile dropkick too. Tag to Hotty, double whip, double shoulderblock, double Rocker Launcher with Crash. I love triple team moves. Too Cool with punches for Tazz and Raven on the apron, Scotty and Sexay dance - Crash dances too! Too Cool get annoyed at the bad dancing. By Crash. Sexay and Crash go back to the apron, but Scotty's paying attention to them, and not Saturn and Raven hitting their Total Elimination variation (Saturn low kick, Raven with a clothesline) Raven with a corner whip, clothesline and holds on to land a bulldog, or "DDT" if you are Coachman. Hayes says the heel are an interesting trio. Tag to Tazz, whip, clothesline. Stomp, punch. kick, kick, Scotty takes over in the corner. but Tazz with an eye poke. Tazz tags out to Saturn. Saturn with punches in the corner. Corner whip, charge into a boot , long shot of Terri, Saturn's got control back, pumphandle overhead suplex for Perry. Saturn going up to the top rope, but taking his time, crowd shot, now he's up, now he's crotched by Sexay him. Tazz trips Sexay off the apron, while Crash managed to crotch Raven on the top rope some how. It all turns out with Scotty getting the tag to Crash, and he goes after Raven. Raven whipped into Saturn, and both stagger backwards (awkwardly.). Holly uses Raven as battering ram into Saturn, then isn't sure what he's supposed to do next, then bounces off the ropes and is tripped up by Saturn. Things get a little screwy for the next few moments, but end up with Crash coming off the top rope to hit a cross body on Saturn (but doesn't cover.) Saturn rolls out, and meanwhile, Scotty hits the bulldog on Raven - W O R M. Tazz and Saturn ambush the faces (Crash and Sexay just standing around watching Scotty), and with Tazz and Too Cool ending up on the outside of the ring. Crash gets a big ol' superkick from Saturn. Saturn with a whip, Crash falls behind, cradle, but Raven's recovered now - (Evenflow) DDT . Saturn, after a little struggle, gets the rings of Saturn on Crash while Tazz and Raven hold off Too Cool, and that's it. (4:52) Did Raven just win a match? Wow, that's HISTORIC. Both men were legal, too. I made it this far without saying "Flock", good for me. I'd rather have Kaynon doing Tazz than Tazz doing Tazz, if you cared.

WWF Heat ad, last week with Mick, this week Angle and Steph, live from the site of No Mercy. Angle's not winning the title, by the way.

Still to come, more on Angle and Rock, plus Steve Blackman, but next, Steve Austin will finnaly get his hands on Rikishi tomorrow night!

WWF No Mercy ad, focusing on Rikishi/Austin.

Here's your video package on that Rikishi/Austin video, probably aired on Smackdown, and on Heat.

Rikishi fights Steve Austin, in a no holds barred match at No Mercy. Also, Kurt Angle, undefeated with Steph, gets a shot against the Rock, and Chris Benoit meets Triple H.

Coming up on the show, Dean Malenko and his ladies are in the house, and we'll look at how Steph and Angle hooked up - but next, Steve Blackman.

Raw is on TNN. Just in case you forget last week.

The M&Ms something of the week was the end of the Tag Team Battle Royale.

Steve Blackman vs Funaki in a Hardcore Title Match - Champion gets introduced first because he's not from Japan. Funaki's wearing shorts. From 2 Days ago, we watch Funaki interfering in the Tazz/Blackman match - that set this up, okay. Blackman with a kick, punch, punch, whip, Head down too son , Funaki with a kick, punch missed, Blackman with kick, Sho's going leave. Blackman catches up to him on the ramp, and knocks him down by a chop. Blackman drags him over to the stairs. ..there's the swing into the steps. Blackman going under the ring - trash can lids. Funaki thrown back's the trash cans too. Blackman slides in, and gets stomped. Funaki with a trash can lid, and another. Whip, Blackman ducks under the lid, German Suplex for Funaki. Whip, and Blackman hits a low shot with the trash can lid, and one to the back. Pulling him up by the hair and crotching him on the top rope. Blackman with the lid, and knocks him off the top rope and into the ring. Cover, 2 count. Blackman with hard punches, and kicks, and some more punches. Going for the trash can, and wedging it in the far corner. Corner whip ,reversed reversed and Funaki kips up, headscissors on Blackman, and drives him into the trash cans. Funaki with a dropkick, and he goes out. Fire extinguisher, and shoots Blackman with it. Funaki going up top, above the trash can, and a twisting cross body, but 2. Funaki out again, he's got a chair. Funaki with a shot, whip, reversed, drop top hold into the chair. Hmm. Blackman's got the sticks. "It's party time." Stick display. Funaki grabs the chair, and misses. Here's a million shots in a minute. Blackman ditches one of the sticks, and there's the stick assisted back suplex. Cover, 2 count. Funaki gets up again, and the announcers talk upset.. Blackman sets up the chair, and Funaki in it. He throws the crash can to Funaki, who catches it - Lethal Kick into the trash can, and it's over. (4:54) Replay of the finish - Blackman follows up the trash can toss quick enough that Funaki doesn't have a chance to react (and drop the thing.)

Coming up, Triple H and Benoit have issues, and Dean Malenko and Essa Rios match up for the LH title. But next, Kurt Angle's road to No Mercy.

Presto presents No Mercy. But not this video package, on how Angle and Rock get to tomorrow night's big match. Who put this techno music here?

In case you forget, not only will Rock and Angle fight, but so will Triple H and Chris Benoit and Rikishi and Steve Austin.

Still to come, Just Joe is on Jakked. But next, Triple H and Chris Benoit are beating each other up for no good reason.

I'm thinking, even if I take the Chyna challenge and follow her work out video, I won't look like her. Maybe that's because I'm a guy, I dunno.

The Lugz Boot of the Week is Triple H jumping over the table to get to Chris Benoit, and Chris Benoit giving him a chair and a Crossface.

Tomorrow night, they're fighting. You may not have heard that tonight. Back to Smackdown, and the closing minutes of that match.

Dean Malenko (w/silvery chicks and LH Title) vs The Latino Heartbreak Kid Essa Rios - Dean enters first, because he's not Essa Rios. Essa has the plain red tights tonight Dean's wearing the red variation of his normal one. Dean goes for the feet to start off but, Essa backs off. Lockup, Dean with a headlock, off the ropes, shoulderblock, Dean up, trip up by Essa. Dean with punches, off the ropes, over the drop down, under the leapfrog, monkey flip, but Essa lads on his feet, dropkick, Dean rolls out. Essa off the ropes, slides out, Dean slides in in and stomps Essa on his way in. Corner whip, reversed, Essa charges in, flipped to the apron, punches, to the top, crotched. Dean with punches, pause, superplex blocked, and Essa pushes him off the top. Essa with the jumping rana, cover, 2 count. Whip, reversed into a short clothesline by Dean. 2 count. Dean with a whip, reversed, Malenko kicks the knee, punch misses, Essa's spin kick hits. Essa sets up for a powerbomb, Dean escapes and goes for a powerbomb, Essa goes for a rana, Dean reveres that into the Texas Cloverleaf, but Essa gets to the ropes. Corner whip, Essa with the moonsault escape. Dean with a kick to the knee, corner whip, charges in, to a boot, Essa jumps for a victory troll, and he gets an electric chair suplex from Dean. Dean locks in the Cloverleaf - that was too short, even by Jakked standards.(2:57) Hayes was talking about knowing Rikishi and his relatives, and how they had to work their way up for a while there. Hayes to Dean: "I dare you to smile!"

XFL Cheerleader Tryouts.

Brooklyn Brawler vs Just Joe - Lombardi must bring that shirt with him, just in case. Bell rings, we stall. Lockup, , and Joe pulls the hair. Joe with punches, and kicks in the corner. Joe with a corner whip, charge into a boot. Brawler misses Joe with 1.0 Tajiri kick to Brawler's head! Owwwwwwwww. We stall because Steve needs time to recover from that. Joe sits Brawler up, slaps to the face, and a weak running boot to the head. Cover, 2 count. Joe argues with the ref. Joe misses a corner splash, and he gets a hot shot. Brawler with a reverse neckbreaker, 2 count. Brawler with a whip, head down too soon, kick, whip, Joe's head down to soon, swinging neckbreaker, and that's 3! Brawler wins! (1:44) Crowd pops because they know they just saw history! I think I could stand a chance against Just Joe. I think I rather this time went to the last match. I think you should never tick off whoever Joe ticked off. I think we only have quick plugs left.

TNN on RAW ad. Or something like that.

Sunday Night Heat - Angle will interview the Rock. Well, maybe. Also, Steve Austin will take on Rikishi, Rock defends his title against Kurt Angle, and Chris Benoit faces Triple H. Order now!

The Cubs Fan
DDT Digest

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Guest column text copyright (C) 2000 by the individual author and used with permission