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WWF Jakked by The Cubs Fan




(Even those this aired on Tuesday, I'm using the Saturday date to stay consistent)

Crash (w/Molly Holly) vs Essa Rios - Our top story is XFL, of course. Essa's got red glasses, arm padding and a neck collar now - what's with that? Homage to Chris Daniels? Trish is was on Heat - this is a little late for you to see that, so just go rent Basic Instinct. Oh my, Essa's red tights pull off to reveal a white pair underneath. I'm gonna have to start calling him the Latino Heartbreak Kid again, if I could remember to use nicknames. Essa shakes and grinds in Molly's general direction as he takes them off too. Circle, circle. Lockup, waistlock by crash, reversed into a hammer lock, Crash takes him down and puts on a front face lock, Essa reverses it to a sitting hammerlock. Crash rolls to reverse but he gets kicked, body slam. Break. Lockup, waistlock by Essa, taking Crash down, Crash grabs an arm in a gets the hammerlock, bodyslam. Break. Crash is pumped - whip, back elbow. Charging clothesline is blocked with Essa grabs an arm, Essa turns around and charges at Crash, getting backdropped to the floor (!) in the process. (You could say "Essa got railed".) Crash with a baseball slide dropkick, but Essa leaps to the apron and over the feet. Crash pulls him off the apron, Essa going face first into it on his way down. Crash goes in the ring, shrugs, and tries that baseball slide dropkick again, but he kinda comes a bit short and Essa grabs him by the legs - no, Crash reveres it into a headscissors. Crash picks him up, throws him in. Crash in. Stomp. Cover, 2 count. Essa is tougher than Sid! (Minus the leg.) Push in the corner, kick to the midsection, corner whip, reversed, Crash kips up and catches his legs around Essa's head, but before he can do another headscissors, Essa gives him a face first powerbomb to the mat. Stomp. Stomp. Whip, spin kick. Cover, 2, shoulder up. Molly is concerned. Push into the corner, (weak) punch, (weak) punch, reversed in the corner by Crash, forearm, forearm, forearm, celebrate, kick to the gut, eye gouge, Essa with a corner whip, running splash finds no one, Essa bounces out into Crash who goes for a Tombstone (ha) but Essa reverses it to one of his own (he) but Crash reverses it YET again. He turns Essa down and puts him on his feet - kick to the stomach, picking him back up, suplex, Essa falls behind, reverse rollup, one, two, Crash reverses it into another rollup, one, two, three. (3:28) Molly (who didn't get involved at all? Odd) and Crash celebrate - Essa stops that with the corner sommersault plancha. Crash pushed Molly out of the way just in time, play Essa's music. I don't get my hopes up until they go someplace with that.

Back on Smackdown, there was a big four man for the 30 spot. Later, Too Cool, but next, Steve got his title shot and things kinda happened.

Royal Rumble promo. I swear the Hardys were mentioned as in on the espanol Metal promo, but they haven't been in since.

Last Monday, there was a Kurt Angle and Steve Austin had a match. This is what Steve Austin came all the way back for (that whole driver thing was just to kill time, I guess), so he kinda wanted to win. But didn't. Because no one won. Because the match never ended. This is one LONG video package (8:17) - that's why you edit them down. (I guess if I didn't see this all a couple times before, I wouldn't mind it.) Oh, this isn't over, we're on to Smackdown and Vince announcing the Rumble title match. Fast forward is nice. Stuff with Triple H and Austin and this clocks in at 16:04 and segues into a Kurt Angle/Triple H promo for the Rumble. HEY, if we can give 16 minutes, commercial free, for a VIDEO PACKAGE, why can't we do that for a match?

Coming up, K-Kwik, the 30th spot in the Rumble, and Too Cool.

Too Cool vs Robert Thompson and Boyce LeGrande - This is presumbly NOT for the APW Tag Team Titles of Westside Playaz 2000. Coach's does a local drop in to ask us to buy Enforcer tickets - no. Scotty starts the slaps. Lockup, headlock by Scotty, raise the roof, off the ropes, shoulderblock. Celebrate, off the ropes, off the ropes, under the leapfrog, chop, chop, whip, dropkick. Tag to Sexay. Scotty with a spinebuster lift, Sexay with the Running Man and the running clothesline. Whip, Sexay puts his head down too soon and gets a boot. Tag to Robert. Running clothesline and Scotty's headgear is off. Corner whip, reversed, Sexay charges in, Robert with a boot up but Sexay slides underneath, out of the ring, and trips him up. Sexay to the top, cross body, cover, 2. Tag to Scotty. PUnch, eye rake by Robert. Slam. Tag to Donovan, "Do something." He does - goes up top, moonsault misses. Races to the tag, Robert in, Sexay in. Punch blocked, punch, punch, punch, whip by Sexay, boot up and caught, enzuiguri is not. To the second rope, dancing, dropkick. Morgan in, punch blocked, Sexay hits his own, Scotty in, Spike Powerbomb. Double clothesline by Robert misses, he's kicked, Scotty off the ropes, bulldog, W-O-R-M. Morgan back in, double flapjack. Sexay to the top, Hip Hop Drop. (3:26) No graphic for the APW guys and neither of the announcer even mention their name during the match. 

Coming up, the Dudley parents, but next, that 30th slot.

Back to Smackdown and the four way. They manage to cut this all the way down to 1:32.

Coming up, those parents, but next K-Kwik.

Royale Rumble replay shows the end of the 1995 Rumble and why didn't they make more of these so they didn't have to show them all 100 times?

K-Kwik vs Donovan Moragn (non-title)- Hayes gets rowdy. Morgan holds the APW Universal Title. Well, not literally. That would be kinda cool if indy guys brought their belts. K-Kwik with an abbreviated rap this week. My VCR just fell off my TV, off my dresser, and hit face (front?) first on the ground, so I'm not sure if I'm going to get through this. It seems to be working. Hayes and Coach compare HBK and (single) K, hoping you will too. Lockup, mat reversals so Kwik can flip a whole bunch. Morgan pushes him into the corner and works him down. Kwik flips up to the top rope, missile dropkick. See, I'm not sure the WWF needs RVD when they've already got Kwik doing all these (sometimes pointless) flips. UGLY looking 'rana. (On Thursday's Meltzer show, Donovan said he got knocked out for a few seconds after the dropkick, so that's probably why this looked like that.) Whip is reversed into a sharp looking exploder suplex by Morgan. Pickup, snap mare, kick to the back. Shot to the face, corner whip, Kwik bounces out into a Northern Lights Suplex for 2. Snap suplex, 2. Kwik fights back with punches, off the ropes, and he gets a knee to the midsection. Whip, reversed, Kwik with a Flatliner. Someone needs to give that a Kwik name before I come up with a stupid one. Both on the mat, slowly up, Kwik gets in the punches, corner whip, reversed, Kwik kips up, flips, ducks the clothesline, side kick cover for 2. Morgan with an eye rake, whip, reversed, slide under by Morgan, Kwik with a kick, Falcon Arrow, that'd be it. (3:41)

Dudleys meet their parents. See, Edge and Christian forget they were "brothers from different mothers." (3:30)

Wow, that REALLY IS Chris Daniels in the Hardy Boyz Chef Boyardee ad. Or it's someone else really looking like him.

Trish is on Sunday Night Heat and you don't care.

The Cubs Fan
DDT Digest

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