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WWF Jakked by The Cubs Fan




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Last Monday, on WCW Nitro - "What is the face of WCW?" "I own my own competition." The parts of the Vince stuff on TNT looked weird. Like Vince was the evil villain in an end of the world thriller movie. The apocalyptic music doesn't help. Anyway, there's Shane and I think you know how this turns out. (2:17)

Intro - they clipped Gangrel out of it, hmm.

K-Kwik (w/Wrestlemania X-Seven and WWF the Music Volume 5, getting rowdy) vs Funaki (w/o WM X-Seven jersey, but TAKA Michinoku and the flags) - Coach sounds a lot of Cole this week. I think TAKA might have something to say. Tap the microphone. "Hey you, K-Kwik, you think you are a rapper? Tonight, Kai En Tai will show you, one on one competition, Funaki versus you in the ring. because apart or together we are eeeevil." "Indeed" Sounded like someone else was doing a imitation of our usual TAKA voice there. The announcers talk about how they're not allowed to talk about WCW. Kwik dances and Funaki begs off.  Sumo set up, and a karate pose - one right knocks him down. Whip, back elbow misses, whip by Funaki, Kwik goes behind, arm drag, arm drag, dropkick, Funaki gets to the ropes and isn't happy. Lockup, no hard kick by Funaki, right to the head, right, whip, whip, head down too soon, he gets a kick. Kwik off the ropes and TAKA tries the leg trip - no dice, and Kwik turns around to pull him up on the apron, right misses and TAKA locks him in the full nelson. Funaki charges for the clothesline, Kwik ducks out of the way and Funaki - stops short of hitting TAKA. But then turns around into the jumping side kick. Funaki and TAKA regroups on the outside. Funaki back in, charging right into a drop toe hold. Right, whip, Funky holds the ropes, Kwik goes for the jumping side kick again and Funaki ducks - Kwik crotches himself and Funaki jiggles the ropes a little bit. TAKA celebrates on the outside, and throws Kwik back in.  Stomp. stomp. TAKA has some words for the front row. Turnbuckle stomp, kick, kick, kick, right, celebration, Kwik turns it around in the corner, right, right, right, Kwik dives in with a splash and misses - bulldog by Funaki. Celebration. Taking his time. Grabbing Kwik by the head, right, corner whip, reversed, Funaki gets a boot up, clothesline misses, Kwik drops him with a back suplex. Both slow u. Right, blocked by Kwik, Kwik with rights, there's the dancing one. Whip, clothesline misses, flying forearm connects, cover for 2. Corner whip, reversed, Kwik kips out an escape, then splits under the clothesline. Flying headscissors lays out Funaki. TAKA on the apron, Kwik goes for him, Funaki tries the clothesline but Kwik ducks, kick to the midsection and Falcon Arrow () That may have been a Hat Rack Cracked. You never know. Let's go move some things.

Your hosts are Michael Hayes (w/WM jersey) and Michael Cole (w/WM Jersey) - they're pumped for WM X-Seven

Still tome come, the Undertaker and the Game, the One, but next, the Rattlesnake and the Rock.

Rock vs Steve Austin. I think I may seen this video package about 10 more times between now and the main event. And not mind, too much. (3:21.253) The end of Smackdown Austin rant is not included. Here's a graphic.

Coming up, Saturn and Malenko team up, and Hunter and Taker have issues, but next, Billy Gunn.

Lugz "Benoit makes Eddie Tap out and Angle making Benoit tap out" of the week

Billy Gunn (w/o WM jersey) vs Larry Destiny (already in the ring, w/o WM jersey) - Lockup armbar, twist, twist by Larry, twist by Gunn. Hammerlock into a headlock, yank, holding it, off the ropes, shoulderblock. Gunn stands there and does nothing. Circle. Lockup, no Larry with a kick, right, right, whip, reversed, drop tope hold, armdrag, arm drag, armdrag, 2 count. Whip, no Destiny grabs the ropes. Right, right, right, corner whip, rebound out into the press slam. Long hold but then the drop. Destiny goes to the apron, Gunn catches up on him, jawbreaker. by Destiny. Back in, right, right, whip, reversed, swinging neckbreaker for 1. Chinlock. Billy gets up to one foot, two feet, elbow, elbow, elbow, rake by Destiny. Whip, reversed, tilt-a-whirl slam. Gunn readies himself - clothesline, clothesline, whip, powerslam. Gun calls for the Fameasser - it connects. Gunn elects not to cover, now calling the One and Only. That hits as well. 3. (3:21) You know, if he keeps making it obvious what he's doing, someone's gonna reverse him.

Essa Rios flies in later, Malenko and Saturn (and maybe a hat) will be in action, but next, what do Hunter and Taker have in store for WM.

Triple H vs The Undertaker. There is music for this video package, but it changes and doesn't appear to have a name. (2:25) Here's a graphic. Here's another.

Still to come, Essa is in the house, but next, Dean and Perry and Terri, oh my.

WM: One Day Away

Perry Saturn and Dean Malenko (w/floppy hat and not floppy Terri - w/o WM Jerseys) vs Mark Fedrucci and Rudy Rue - Come, why couldn't you have put up a graphic THERE? You had nothing better to do. Dean and Rudy start, headlock, into a hammerlock, snap mare into chin lock. Hayes hypes the TLC match by saying that one of the guys might not walk out and now I really don't want to watch it. Dean now with a whip, back elbow. Tag to Saturn, who runs right into an arm drag. Whip, reversed into a knee, shot for Mark on the apron, hard forearm for Rudy. Elbow, elbow to the back of the head stiff elbow to the back of the head. Canadian Backbreaker run into the corner. Saturn is fierce here. Mark is thrown in and beat the crap out of in the corner. Tag to Dean. Corner whip, clothesline by Dean, whip into a Saturn clothesline. Whip, back heel kick by Dean, shot to Rudy. Headbutt., throw out of the ring so Saturn can play - run back first into the ring post. Dean has words for Rudy while Mark tries to get back in the ring. He doesn't quickly, so Saturn picks him up and runs him through the stairs. Not into, through. Very painful. Dean goes out to pick up the remains (of Mark, not the stairs - not much left of either), back in, suplex, 2 count. T-Bone suplex, 2 count. Tag to Saturn, double whip, double back elbow. Whip, flying headscissors, running boot (we'll say) to knock down Mark. Over head belly to belly. Mark is getting KILLED. Headbutt, corner whip, elbow by Mark, Dean stumbles into the flying forearm. Tag to Rudy, whip, spin kick. Whip, again, head down too soon, Dean with a kick, double under hook, no he'll let go to beat up Mark. Corkscrew fisherman's suplex (moss covered three handed family grundza - Hayes thinks it should be "I just whupped your ass") on Rudy, Dean pus on the cloverleaf as Saturn disposes of Mark and there's the tap out. (4:52) Rudy is thrown out and Saturn celebrates killing everyone.

WM Moment - "93,173 people at WM."

Essa Rios (w/WM Jersey, tear-away tiger pants and yellow "ambition" tights") vs Ken Anderson - Hey, look, a sign. Lockup, Ken works the arm, Essa works the arm, Ken works the arm. Essa into a hammerlock, Ken with a leg trip and then into a headlock. Up to his feet, back suplex by Essa, but Ken lands on his feet and pushes Essa in the ropes, Essa comes back with a shoulderblock. Off the ropes, over, under, Ken off the ropes, Essa jumps right into a dropkick. Picking Essa up by the hair, slam. Legdrop, cover for 2. Push into the corner, right, chop, chop, Essa pushes him in the corner, double chop, double chop. Corner whip, kip up by Ken, Essa slides under the clothesline, Armdrag into an armbar. To their feet, Kick, whip, fall behind by Ken, push in the corner, clothesline to Essa. Slam. Ken's going up - he's not gonna to hit Essa with his own move - no, because Essa is gonna dropkick him to the floor- somersault plancha to the floor! Cole barely notices it. He SUCKS. Coach marks out for it each and every time. Back in, kick to the gut, kick to the gut, Mexican armdrag into a powerslam for 2. Cole barely stops hyping stuff to cont the pinfall. Corner whip, boot up by Ken - he goes to the top  and Essa jumps to the top and armdrags him off. Setting him up and going to the top - Moonsault and it's over. (4:06) Look at the Essa Rios sign again! Essa celebrates - as well he should. is your WM merchandize HQ

Sunday Night Heat is tomorrow night - Live from the Astrodome. Afterwards...I dunno. Maybe a TLC (II) match. Maybe a Kurt Angle versus Chris Benoit match. Perhaps the Undertaker taking on Triple H. Could have a street fight between two McMahons. Likely a Rock and a Rattlesnake to top it all off. 

The Cubs Fan
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