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WWF Jakked by The Cubs Fan




tv 14 ldv intro and open.

K-Kwik/Essa Rios (pull off jeans and the new red tightes) vs Kaientai (w/Flags) - Essa gets a pop! I dunno why. K-Kwik and Essa high ten before the match. They should so have the blue and red Kaientai flag on the video screen behind them. TAKA's gotten a new shirt - the whole he cut out in the front (and the ones on his sleeve) are gone! "Hey, you, Essirio and! K-Trik! You two ready for first time, think you beat us? HAHAHAHA We are big bad and we will show you how great we are because we are Kaientai and we are eviiiil. HAHAHAHAHA!" Whoever it is isn't even trying to sound like the old guy. TAKA starts to walk to the ring but Funaki reminds him that it's his turn, then the laughter starts again and TAKA inspects to mic. "inDEED." Essa with a bow! Oh, the storied history here. Headlock by TAKA, Essa reverses, off the ropes, shoulderblock. Off the ropes, over, under, hiptoss blocked and reversed by Essa. Essa with a  kick, chop, whip, reversal no Essa hits a headscissors. Dropkick! TAKA runs to his corner and tags Funaki, so Essa tags in K-Kwik. Kwik dances for no good reason. Funaki charges right into a drop toe hold. Right right whip, clothesline misses, Funaki with a whip but his clotheslines misses and Kwik's flying forearm doesn't. They have some trouble hitting the Flatliner but pull it off, one two kickout. Tag to Essa. Hayes: "It's easy to say that ECW would have never gone out of business, had Heyman had McMahon money. And now Heyman does have McMahon money." Wristlock, kick to the ribs, kick, Mexican armdrag into a powerslam for one two kickout. Right, whip, blind tag to TAKA, Essa puts his head down but Funaki stops short and kicks him in the head, knocking him right into a back suplex from TAKA. Nice! Coach says TAKA isn't the legal man, then suddenly changes his mind based on "the replay on the monitor." TAKA with a palm shot. Whip, drop toe hold, clapping, Funaki in with the camel clutch, slap to the fast, off the ropes and a missile dropkick. Celebrate! Now TAKA and Essa have the manly exchange of chops, and it looks like Essa's double chop is the more effective of the two, but TAKA's eye poke trumps all. Windup palm shot connects and down goes Essa. Essa reaches for a tag but TAKA holds him there, just out of reach, then drags him back to Kaientai's corner. Snap mare. Tag to Funaki. He's going to the second rope, bow, double foot stomp. Funaki imitates Kwik's dancing! That annoys Kwik, so he's in to distract the ref, but not long enough for anything to get down. Funaki picks up Essa by the hair but Essa's firing back with punches. Essa with a whip, spinning back kick but Funaki's grabbed the ropes. Essa charges with a dropkick (I guess) but ends jumping hamstring first into the ropes. Essa tries to go for the tag but Funaki stops him sort. Snap suplex one two no. Tag to TAKA. Palm. Palm. Face slaps. Palm and a cover for one two kickout. Hayes: "ECW, you know what I thought that stood for? Exterminated Championship Wrestling, because they went out of business because they didn't know how to operate." Snap mare, chop to the throat, and TAKA goes up. Essa is up quick to stop him, and he climbs to the second rope, but TAKA pushes him down. Before TAKA can get set to do something himself, Essa is back up - springboard 'rana! Race to tag and a replay of that 'rana. Tag to Kwik, tag to Funaki, Kwik with a right right right dance spin right! Corner whip, Funaki reverses, Kwik with the kip, flip, split and side kick for one two TAKA's in to break it up. Double corner whip, Funaki's whipped in but Kwik moves out of the way, hard kick to the stomach for TAKA and we just catch Essa hitting the moonsault on him in time. Essa holds the cover as Kwik hits the Hat Rack Cracked on Funaki. The ref must've remembered those two were the legal men, because he counts only that one for the one two three. (5:39) Hmm, the first-timers beat the established team for the second week in a row. If this wasn't Jakked and Kaientai, that might mean they'd be breaking up real soon. Thank goodness none of this matters.

Oh, your announcers are Michael Hayes and Jonathon Coachman. With the way things are going, you don't know what's next.

Still to come, Tough Enough is on a roll. Also, Jerry Lynn is in the house - our announcers have some questions about them. But next, a recap of our busy week. 

This video package is so important, we cut off Coach's introduction of it. I'm going for a bagel dog. Actually, I got two. I'd share one with you, but the whole "bagel dogs aren't really good and have you HEARD what they put in hot dogs anyway" thing. Typical RAW package with the Smackdown Stone Cold Saga (and main event.) For fun, try to figure out how many months of angle development were squeezed into four hours. Hey, remember a whole two weeks ago when the WWF Locker Room attacked any WCW guy on sight? Where were they on Smackdown? The best part of the beating is Cole and JR being far more interested in selling the Austin angle than talking about anyone in the ring. (13:18

In the back, Jerry Lynn's taping his wrists. The commentators have questions - I have questions about why they show these things some weeks and not others. He's NEXT!

Jerry Lynn vs Jason Sugarman (already in the ring) - Hayes suspects him, of course. I've been waiting all show for him to talk about being right about Raven last week, but since he was just kidding then I don't think he remembers. Tajiri stayed because his dream was to be a WWF Superstars, they remind us. When Hayes starts talking about "that makes me wonder about another individual with ECW routes", I was so sure he was gonna say "Lita", but it's a segue into Heat Hype (Spike Dudley (old shirt) and Molly Holly on Heat!) Lockup, headlock, off the ropes, shoulderblock by Sugarman. Sugarman challenges Lynn to get back up, but Lynn ducks him on the lockup and hits a kick, then a headlock of his own. Off the ropes, Sugarman with the shoulderblock and Lynn goes down again. Lynn's not happy. They charge at each other but Lynn slides under and kicks Jason as he turns around. Headlock, off the ropes, hiptoss by Sugarman! Lynn's up in a flash and goes down to another hiptoss. Dropkick! This is not Jerry Lynn's week. Cover one two shoulder up. Armbar by Sugarman. Hayes wonders if Lynn and Spike are just waiting for their opportunity for them to defect. Coach with a really tough (to take) segue in to Tough Enough. Both our announcers hate Darryl. Lynn with a series of forearms to loosen the hold before ramming Jason back first into the corner. Kick kick kick pause, corner whip, reversed, Lynn kips up and lands on the apron on his own, Jason ducks a punch that Lynn doesn't even throw, Jason with a shoulderblock to the midsection, but Lynn jumps the second one and guillotine legdrops him on to the second rope. Lynn in, stomp, right, right, snap mare, hard stomp to the face. Legdrop. Cover one two kickout. Chinlock. Lynn's working the head, you see. The announcers are as helpful as always with this story. Sugarman with elbows to escape, but Lynn takes control with an eye rake. Whip, reversed, Sugarman puts his head down too soon and Lynn calmly walks over to use a Russian legsweep, but Sugarman blocks it and hits one of his own. Nothing's going right for Lynn today. Hayes feels guilty that he helped DDP start in this industry. Coach says he should feel that way. Lynn up first and they exchange punches, Sugarman getting the better of that and hitting a clothesline. Jason with a spin kick! Whip, press slam in to a powerslam for a one two kickout. Hayes says that earlier in the match Lynn made a reference to "RVD" but I didn't hear anything. Lynn with a right right, whip, reversed, Sugarman goes for another press slam, but when he lets go, Lynn turns it into a huge swinging DDT. One Two Three. (3:27) That was an AWESOME looking spot. Hayes says Lynn is a "counter" wrestler.

Haku, later. Crash, later. Hayes: "WWF all the way!" I wonder if everyone's gonna suddenly remember that Crash and Tazz had backstage issues in ECW. Next, Tough Enough video package.

Tough Enough is the top rated MTV show! I wonder if Al will get to on TRL. Tough Enough video package. The previews gave away that (they were reusing the same lines from the same interviews and passing it off as new already and) people would drop out - someone who Nidia cares about, given her crying . I figured Bobby Jo (she's been on TV enough to get in to Playboy) and Darryl and I'm gonna miss Victoria. She had a good head on her shoulders, but then, that head was also most of the problem. As much as we all hate Darryl, the show is gonna be more boring when he's gone. (1:48

Haku, still to come. But next, Crash.

Lugz Tag Team Title Change Of Last Monday. Nice to see Spike get a shirt of his own.

Crash vs Shawn Evans (already in the ring) - Lockup, armbar, twist, Shawn flips out, Crash reverses into a hammerlock, into a headlock, Shawn into the corner. The name of the seamstress is Terry Anderson, though that may not be how you spell it. Crash gives a clean break but Evans chooses shoulders to the gut. Corner whip, charge in, Crash moves out of the way - headlock takedown, leg scissors reversal, break, repeat. Headlock again, into a waistlock into a roll up for one two kickout. Crash with a right, right, whip, clothesline misses, Crash with a headlock, back suplex by Evans. Hayes is giving his Freebird tips on love. "Do it and get gone! Leave 'em high and dry! In the door and out the door!" Crash with rights, whip, Evan slides under, Crash's kick is caught, Evan spins him around, Shawn's kick is caught, his painful looking enziguri is not. Cover one two kickout. Chinlock with a knee, Crash is quickly up and elbowing out, off the ropes, high knee from Anderson but Crash reverses it into a rollup for one two kickout. Hayes reminds us that he managed the Hardyz "out of obscurity" (Jakked, he means) to the first title reign. Evans with a clothesline. Cover one two kickout. Choke on the mat. Whip, back elbow. Cover one two kickout. Right. Kick, no Crash reveres it and lays in the punches in the corner. Shout to the crowd, but when he turns back around, Crash goes face first into the second rope. Boot choke. Hayes says "Jerry 'the King' Lawler" in the same context that Heyman did. Side backbreaker. Cover one two kickout. Chin lock with a knee in the back. Knee smash into the back. Crash escapes to the ropes but Evans with another booth choke. Right right right right right kick, corner whip, Evan charges and gets a boot to the face. Crash up to the top rope missile dropkick one two three. (4:28) I guess that's his finisher this week. I dunno about you, but if I'm getting a chance on WWF TV, I'd do a little more than show off my boot choke. Maybe Evans was trying to demonstrate that he knew the fundamentals well.

JVC ECW Invasion of Lat Monday. The pause between RVD hitting the chair and Kane reacting to it is the best part, even more so in slow motion.

Haku (already in the ring) vs Kyle McNeely (wearing "Onyx" tights) - (I like to delude myself into thinking that) Coach shouts out Kyle's name quick so I don't blow off this match. I guess time must be cut from the matches in order to fit in the long replays. Doesn't make much sense to me, but you don't care. Jostling for position. Lockup and Kyle manages a waistlock, Haku with a reversal, squeezing Kyle hard, Kyle with a reversal but a back elbow knocks him down hard. Haku off the ropes with a...stomp. Okay. Pick up, chop down. Kyle flips over, it's so hard. Corner whip, clothesline. Corner pummeling. Elbow smash knocks him down. Hayes compares this situation (not Haku/McNeely, of course not) to "1996, when Ted Turner owned WCW was not to beat us in the ratings but put us out of business." Back suplex, one handed cover one two HAKU PULLS HIM UP! Kyle pulled up, put down with a right. Kyle fighting back with rights from his knees but one right stops him. Hayes: "If you go back and look at Paul Heyman's track record, he's a little son of a bitch, but he's a dangerous one." Stomping. Turnbuckle shot. Chop. Turnbuckle shot - no, Kyle blocks it, elbow, elbow, turnbuckle shot of his own! Yea,  that still doesn't work. Kyle goes to the "out punch Haku" strategy and obviously, he hasn't been doing his scouting. He stays in there for a while, whip, reversed, Haku has his head down but Kyle's kick doesn't hurt him. Clothesline and still not moving. Talk about the ref match. Who's gonna ref that match? (Answer: The man who calls it right down the middle, Bill Alfonzo!) There's the slowest bodyscissors into a bulldog you'll ever see. Cover one two kickout. Kyle goes up  to the second rope and comes off with an ax-handle, but gets a fierce shot to the midsection. That was very loud. Corner whip, Haku charges, but Kyle gets a boot out. Kyle charges out - KICK OF FEAR! TONGAN DANCE! TONGAN DEATH GRIP! One Two Three. (3:08

Sunday Night Heat! Molly and Spike hosts! Shawn Stasiak and Chris Kanyon vs Billy Gunn and Big Show! Justin Credible vs Albert for the IC Title! Only on MTV!

The Cubs Fan
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