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WWF Jakked by The Cubs Fan




TV 14 ldv - Open. 

Crash vs Justin Credible - Your announcers are Michael Hayes and Jonathon Coachman. Austin screwed everyone. WCW has the WWF Title. Stacy Keibler and Torrie Wilson host Heat. Brian Hebner is your ref. Lockup, Crash, with an armbar, twist, Justin with armbar, Crash with a hammerlock, Justin with a hammerlock, Crash with a hammerlock, headlock, Justin tries to punch out, pushes Crash into the ropes, Crash back with a shoulderblock. Crash off the ropes with another shoulderblock. one two kickout. Justin's clothesline misses, Crash with a right, corner whip, reversed, Crash kips up and hiptosses Justin on his way out. Crash off the ropes, flying headscissors. Hayes and Coach talk about a Terry Gordy tribute show - Saturday night, August 11th, Birmingham, Alabama, 8 pm. Tommy Rich, the Rock and Roll Express, "the Bullet" Bob Armstrong, Jimmy Golden, Robert Fuller and a lot more. Hayes will team up with Terry's son, as well. Justin begs off, but Crash charges him ahead - drop toe hold onto the second rope. Spinning DDT. Push in the corner and Justin kicks and punches him down to the mat. Crash grabs the ropes, Justin grabs him into the pulling powerbomb, one two kickout. Justin backs up - baseball slide dropkick to Crash's face. Snap mare. Off the ropes, dropkick to the back. Cover one two kickout Cover one two kickout. Chin lock. Crash elbows out, whip, reversed, Justin misses a back elbow, double clothesline takes them both down. THE WWF IS DEAD IF THE ROCK GOES TO THE ALLIANCE DEAD DEAD DEAD DEAD DIDN'T WE JUST DO THIS LAST WEEK? I mean, how many times can the WWF actually die? Both up, Justin with a right but it's blocked and Crash hits his own. Repeat. Whip, back elbow. Clothesline. Whip, reversed, scoop no Crash falls behind, waistlock, Justin with a back elbow to escape. Justin's gonna use That's Incredible! He's gonna bring back the Tombstone to the WWF! No, Crash reverses it, then Justin reverses it, then Crash reverses to a rollup. One two three (3:04) Crash celebrates. SUPERKICK! Well, that ends that. Play Justin's music! 

Which way will the Rock go? Kaientai takes on Helms and Chavo later. But next, highlights of Austin's turn.

Austin turns, Angle isn't too happy. Wouldn't it have made more sense for Booker T to beat Angle in back to back nights (instead of Bubba Ray Dudley) if Angle was gonna beat Booker T for the title? Did the WWF just not figure out what they were doing for Smackdown on before Raw? I think this is actually the package that opened RAW plus highlights from Smackdown. The best part is Booker T quickly turning himself away from the ropes so he can't tap out. (6:58) On Raw, "The Alliance exercises the return clause" (hmm) and Booker T gets his rematch. Also, the Rock returns. 

Haku is here - he'll take on Stasiak. Plus, the Rock has a decision to make. But next, Kaientai!

Lugz Hardcore Title Match Of Last Sunday

Hurricane Helms & Chavo Guerrero Jr vs Kaientai (w/flags) - Coach calls the Hardcore Title "one of our most coveted titles." Sure. TAKA has something to say. "Look at you! An international tag team! What's your name? Blowhard Helms? And what? Chompo Guerrero? You may think you are quick, and part of a great Alliance, but you are not Kaientai, you are not part of the World Wrestling Federation and you are not EEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL. HAHAHAHAHA HAHA HAHA." "inDEED." The voice is back to the old voice; Coach and Hayes say it's improved drastically. I like how TAKA start to laugh after the laugh stops. Funaki and Helms start off, lock up, no Helms is gonna ambush TAKA with a right. Funaki attacks Helms from behind, but Chavo's in quick - double whip, double head down too soon, kick for Helms, right for Chavo. Dropkick for Helms. Chavo misses with a clothesline, and Funaki's off the ropes with a flying headscissors. Right, whip, reversed into a tilt-a-whirl back breaker from Chavo. Tag to Helms, but Funaki takes him down with a drop toe hold. Camel clutch, TAKA in, clapping, slap to Helms head, running dropkick to the face. Funaki celebrates. Tag to TAKA. Helms welcomes him with a couple kneelifts. Whip, clothesline misses, TAKA's open hand slap doesn't. Helms with his own. Now a series of rights. Whip, clothesline misses, TAKA with the eye poke and the wind up palm shot. Palm shot for Chavo. For helms! Whip for Chavo, reversed, Chavo lifts TAKA up and Helms powerbombs him to the mat. One two kickout. Chavo with a running forearm shot for Funaki, and he gets mad, allowing the Alliance team to double team stomp down TAKA in their corner. Helms hooks TAKA on the second rope so Chavo can dropkick him again. TAKA crumbles to the mat. Push into the corner, back suplex. Cover one two kickout. Tag to Helms. Backslide. no count, because Chavo's not legal, but it leaves him in perfect position for a second rope legdrop. Cover one two kickout. Helms with a fireman's carry into a face crusher. Cover one two kickout. Right. Right. Corner whip, charge in but TAKA gets an elbow up. Helms tries a kick, TAKA catches it and spins him around, TAKA's kick is caught, the enzuiguri is not. Both men are down. Tag to Funaki and to Chavo. Chavo's right misses, Funaki's doesn't. Right for Helms, right for Chavo, right for Helms. Funaki whips Chavo into Helms, knocking Helms down, then bulldogs Chavo to the mat. Tag to TAKA - he's calling for the Michinoku Driver. Just to give you a feeling of the hype going on, here's Michael Hayes: "Stone Cold Steve Austin's defection will go down as the biggest moment ever in sport entertainment history. Except maybe only to be followed up by the return of the Rock Monday night." TAKA tries it on Helms, but Helms falls behind and hits his jumping neckbreaker. Funaki over and knocking Helms down - Helms rolls out, so Funaki drops him with a pescado. TAKA and Chavo exchange punches, TAKA getting the better of it, whip, reversed, Helms gets in a cheap shot from outside and TAKA staggers into a brainbuster. Cover one two three. (4:24)  

Still to come, Tough Enough, but next, the Rock's decision.

What will the Rock do? How come we didn't notice any of the Rock signs till now? I like how this video package reminds us that we never got the pay off for Vince turning, we just got bigger heels that made him a face. (4:52) This is the biggest RAW of all time. I remember when that was Austin vs the Big Show.

Coming up, Jerry Lynn is in the house, but next, Tough Enough highlights.

And what do you know, here are those Tough Enough highlights. Check out the sad music for Shadrick. (2:30)

Shawn Stasiak vs Haku (w/no afro!) - aw, crap. You know, I've never been happier to see Haku. He's gone to braids. This is indeed a sad day. Circle. Lockup, Haku with a punch, kick, chop, right, left. Whip, clothesline blocked, kick not, Shawn's clothesline hits this time. Rights. Turnbuckle smash. Here's another but they don't hurt Haku. See? So then Shawn punches him in the head and Haku sells it. Shawn with a corner whip, reversed, Shawn jumps to the top rope, very slowly gets his balance and turns around, and hits a cross body. No cover. Shawn is too busy walking around for no reason. Right, Choke on the top rope. Hayes, when describing Shawn's match strategy, breaks out "not the sharpest knife in the drawer." Turnbuckle smash, but they hurt now, I guess. Right. Haku with a chop. Shawn with a right, off the ropes, Haku ducks the clothesline and hits a thrust kick. Whip, back elbow. Diving headbutt. TWO! Whip, head down too soon , kick but that really doesn't hurt Haku. Off the ropes, Samoan drop! Push in the corner, chop, charge in, clothesline, here's a right right left! Snap suplex. Haku to the second rope! Diving headbutt. Coach says Raw is bigger than WM was. Corner whip, reversed, Shawn charges in, but Haku moves out of the way. Haku does a back suplex, Shawn's supposed to turn over and land on top but only gets half a turn in, then turns the rest of the way over and tries to put his feet on the rope to get leverage but can't quite do that right either, besides the fact that he's doing it right in the ref's view. One two three. (2:55) Good lord that Shawn Stasiak is not good. Haku looks at him like "you beat me like THAT?"  

Hey! An ad for a strip club. That's new. 

Jerry Lynn vs Mark Jindrak - Lynn's not even dying his goatee any more. He's lost the will to care. Or maybe not. Lockup, Jindrak pushes him down. Kick, kick, kick, corner whip, Jindrak charges, Lynn moves. Lynn kicks, corner whip, reversed, Lynn with the WOW cross body but Jindrak catches him on the fly and drops him in a slam. Off the ropes, elbow drop but Lynn moves. Stomps. Armbar. Jindrak tries to escape it with a slam but Lynn falls behind - dropkick to the back. Baseball slide dropkick! Pescado. Lynn picks up Jindrak, but Jindrak runs Lynn back first into the barrier. Rights and lefts on the outside. Lynn thrown back in. Lynn with a stomp, stomp, whip, head down too soon, Lynn kick. Off the ropes, tilt-a-whirl powerslam, cover one two kickout. Stomping. Vertical suplex. One two kickout. Your ref is Teddy Long. Short clothesline. Cover one two kickout. Jindrak argues the count and walks around before picking Lynn back up - short clothesline misses, Lynn with a kick to the midsection, Lynn's clothesline misses, Jindrak's jumping yelling enzuiguri doesn't. Jindrak sure takes his time following up - cover one two kickout. Chin lock. Elbows out.  Right, right, right, whip, reversed, kick to the stomach, powerbomb, no, Lynn was supposed to do the Kidman faceslam reversal, but didn't get close enough (I guess), so it was almost a normal powerbomb except Jindrak's selling the move that didn't happen and Lynn's selling the move that did. The announcers speculate that maybe he got poked in the eye. Jindrak is rubbing his eye so maybe he did. Lynn with a right, it's blocked, Jindrak's right misses, Lynn's rights don't. Whip, reversed, Lynn with a 'rana. Off the ropes, bulldog clothesline. Lynn doesn't cover - going up, missile dropkick. Cover one two kickout. Whip, reversed, Goldbergian bulldog by Lynn. Cover one two kickout. Off the ropes, Jindrak drops him neck first on the top rope. Kick to the stomach, Hayes: "Tiger Bomb!" One Two Three. (4:41) Announcers speculate that Lynn was going for the jumping swinging DDT when he got hot shot - does look that way watching it again. Alliance takes 3 out of 4 here, the last three straight in a row - the tide's been turned after Invasion, maybe? Can the Rock turn it back around Monday night, or be the final nail in the coffin?

That new Dudleyz commercial is kinda odd.

Al and Coach host Heat. The WCW chicks are guest hosts. The Rock returns on RAW! That's it for this week.

The Cubs Fan
[slash] wrestling

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