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WWF Jakked by The Cubs Fan





Tommy Dreamer (plain black shirt - did he lose the SCSA one?) & Raven (w/Terri) vs Kaientai (w/flags) - Your announcers are Chris Leary and Jonathon Coachman and it's been a while since they've remembered to give us this shot. I wonder what Hayes is so busy doing that he can't save me for an hour anymore. Leary has Bull Buchanan's facial hair. I think TAKA cut a new pair of long tights into shorts. Also, he found the microphone from where ever it went last week. "..." TAKA's saying less than usual. Funaki tries it and it's still not working. TAKA checks that it's on and still nothing. The boys give up on the microphone and walk down the aisle - "inDEED! AHAHAHAHAHAHA!" We're all confused but Funaki remembers to turn around anyway. TAKA and Funaki get to the bottom of the aisle and do their yell and go into the ring and simulations posing, and then TAKA tries to throw his shirt to the crowd but it ends up going backward so Funaki tries to throw it and it ends it behind him. Alliance Referee Brian Hebner politely asks them to stop fooling around and teasing the fans and the boys properly dispose of their shirts. Funaki and Dreamer are gonna start, I think. Circle. Lockup. ECW chant. Maybe it was an extreme lockup? Extreme armbar by Tommy. Funaki reverses, headlock, off the ropes, (extreme) hiptoss by Dreamer reversed into one of Funaki's. Armdrag into an armbar. Tag to TAKA. Kick. Armbar, eye poke (there's nothing extreme about an eye poke - or stealing someone else's bit) by Dreamer, tag to Raven. Double whip, double clothesline is high, double cross body is caught but Funaki tips them over with a dropkick. Raven and Dreamer roll out, and Funaki motions for TAKA to go for it - springboard tope wipes out everyone! Funaki celebrates from the safety of the ring. TAKA throws Raven in but Dreamer gets in a right. Back in the ring, whip by Funaki, reversed, right is ducked, Funaki escapes to the floor and gets clotheslined there by Dreamer. Dreamer hurt his hand doing that. Throw back in - Mr. Wrestling #2 Knee Lift. Tag to Dreamer, whip, drop toe hold by Raven, elbow drop by Dreamer. Dreamer with a kick to the upper thigh (I guess) and throws Funaki shoulder first into the ring post. Dreamer with a hammerlock slam, right onto Funaki's left arm. Smash into Raven's boot, and tag to him. Raven takes Funaki to a corner and goes to the second rope - driving knee into the back of the head and all the way down to the mat. One two kickout. Corner whip, running knee to the back. Right. Right. Right. Tag to Dreamer, double underhook hold for a kick. Whip, Lo Down into a single leg crab by Dreamer. TAKA quickly into with a kick to the chest to break it up, then out before Dreamer (or Hebner) can really do anything about it. Picking Funaki up by his hair, Dreamer tag Raven, who get a free right. Corner whip, rebound clothesline. Right right right right right right right head pound head pound head pound head pound head pound head pound whatever. Now he's choking him. Raven's become more vicious lately, but I think it's because he's now evil. The announcers don't notice that, but they do pick up on Raven arguing with the ref and Terri going to the top rope - cross body for Funaki. Terri does her pose and vacates, allowing Raven to stop fooling around and cover - one two shoulder up. I wasn't sure about that one. Coach is selling how devastating that move can be by asking Terri to please do it to him. Tag and a double underhook hold by Raven so Dreamer can get in another kick. Slam. Dreamer's going up again - this time, it's a praying one step over on the second rope elbow drop but his prayers aren't answered. Can Funaki make the tag? No, because Dreamer does and Raven grabs Funaki by the leg and drags him towards the Alliance corner. If Raven was such a smart man, he wouldn't let Funaki hop on one foot, because that always means an enzuiguri, though usually it doesn't hit the guy on the apron. Raven's still got him by one leg, spins him around, clothesline is high, off the ropes and a flying headscissors is just right. Now can he make the tag? Raven tries to stop him but NO TAKA tagged in. Shotay for Raven! Shotay for Dreamer! Whip, spin kick for Raven! Duck under a clothesline, superkick for Dreamer! Right From stops that. Right, whip, head down too soon, TAKA kicks it and Funaki bulldogs it! Funaki whips TAKA, reversed, and Funaki gets a jumping forearm into Dreamer in the corner! TAKA hits one of his own! Drop toe hold for Raven, clapping by TAKA, slap to the face, through the ropes - wait, that's not supposed to happen there. Dreamer pulled down the ropes and TAKA went to the floor, so Funaki punches Dreamer, but that allows Raven up - kick wham Raven Effect. (5:33) Coach: "Tommy Dreamer and Raven - a relatively new tag team..."

Christian had a shot at the Rock, and we'll see some of that. X-Pac is up later, versus Chavo Guerrero. But next, would Kurt Angle throw Steve Austin off a bridge? No.

Austin/Angle (6:51)

Coming up, Scotty vs Chuck. Also, a press conference. Coming up, X-Pac puts the WWF Light Heavyweight Title on the line.

Chavo Guerrero Jr. vs the WCW Crusierweight Champion, X-Pac's Favorite Wrestler for the WWF Light Heavyweight Title - Chavo continually points to his shirt on the way to the ring as if to say "hey, look at my shirt!" With Kidman hurt/forgotten and the Hurrican' busy with the European Title, Chavo IS the WCW Crusierweight Division, but he can't get a shot here? Heat Hype for Booker T - I believe the best part of Excess (that I saw) was Booker saying he'd "rip [the Rock's] little face, limb from limb." I saw about :30 of a Lightning Kid match on A1 today, but it was so weird, I couldn't watch. Weirdly enough, the crowd chants "1 2 3!" Lockup, headlock by X-Pac, into a hammerlock, Chavo with a hard back elbow to escape, pausing for a second to try to figure it out if he hit X-Pac that hard or if X-Pac's doing a wonderful selling job, off the ropes, over, hiptoss blocked, hiptoss blocked, Chavo with the knee and flip out (it really is a WWF LH Title Defense) and then a roll under X-Pac's standing spin kick, kick of his own but X-Pac grabs it and gives a dragon screw leg whip. Chavo recovers in the corner, so X-Pac celebrates, which causes Chavo to charge out and right into a drop toe hold. Headlock put back on, both down on the mat. Now X-Pac's back up and we're right where we started, right, right, off the ropes, shoulderblock and Chavo goes down. Off the ropes, over, under, dropkick to the head! Chavo takes his time following up, picking up X-Pac but get a right, right, corner whip, reversed, kip up by X-Pac over Chavo, Chavo kip up and uses a flying headscissors to take X-Pac to the floor. Chavo with the pescado to the floor and yells. Right. Throw in. To the rope - no, X-Pac with a jumping kick that causes Chavo to flip and fall forward to the mat. Nicely enough, he lands right in position for the Bronco Buster, and X-Pac wastes little time in going for a very quick one - no ridding. Standing spin kick! Standing spin kick! Whip, reversed, flipping clothesline connects, one two kickout. X-Pac going to the top rope ("1 2 3!") and hits a cross body, but Chavo rolls through (or maybe X-Pac hooks the leg a little to much and Chavo ends up on top) for the pin one two kickout. Coach claims Chavo had the tights but I didn't see it. Kick is caught by X-Pac, enzuiguri is not. One two kick out. Kick, chop, chop, chop (X-Pac ain't going down but looking like he's getting electrocuted on each one), Off the ropes, clothesline is ducked, kick wham X-Factor. 123 (3:14

Coming up, Billy Gunn and Justin Credible, but next, "Edge and Christian had some problems in recent weeks, but no one saw this coming!"

Lugz WCW Title Challenge of Thursday Two Weeks Ago

Edge and Christian. "T Dot O, one of a kind" is not said. My style is off the thermostat plus I'm coming from the cold, yo. (5:06)

Coming up on, Scotty will lay the worm down, but next, the site of WM 18.

WM X8 Press Conference - I wonder if X stood for 1 in the XFL too. 

Scotty 2 Hotty vs Chuck Palumbo - Who's that other guy in Chuck's video? Oh, no matter. Scotty starts the clap. Lock up, thrown into the corner. Shoulder, shoulder, shoulder. Push in the face, shoulder, corner whip, kip up, but Palumbo catches him over his. Problem is, Palumbo doesn't know what to do with him now and by the time he decides, Scotty's slipped behind. Right. Right. Right. Whip, reversed, slide under, dropkick. Armdrag. Armbar. Palumbo with a forearm to escape. Whip, reversed, hiptoss. Scotty gets funkafied, Chuck charges, drop toe hold, headlock. Forearm. Whip, kick to the head, off the ropes, head down too soon, kick by Scotty, off the ropes, clothesline misses, Palumbo with a back suplex. Chuck yells for a count, then covers - one two kickout. Turnbuckle smash. Right, kick, kick, kick, kick, shoulder, right.  Scotty reverses in the corner, right, right, right, corner whip, reversed right into a belly to belly suplex. Cover for one two kickout. Armbar. Right by Scotty, right, whip by Palumbo and a back elbow. Cover one two kickout. Sitting full nelson by Palumbo. Is Scotty strong enough to break out of it? Well, with a butt shot, he sure is. Off the ropes, sunset flip one tow kickout. Palumbo misses a clothesline and Scotty does not miss a reverse neckbreaker - both are down. No one knows what that move that Kronic did is. Up to their feet, right by Scotty, right by Scotty, whip, reversed, under the clothesline, flying forearm. Scotty looks at the crowd - off the ropes, no Palumbo nails him with a right. "That's it!" Powerbomb? No Scotty goes behind, Palumbo is confused and doesn't turnaround, double hand bulldog W O R M woo woo woo who who who ha. Scotty doesn't cover - again with the second rope springboard DDT and why not one two three. (4:51) Let's have Scotty dance while we plug upcoming dates. JUNGLE KICK! Palumbo doesn't handle this losing thing well. Maybe he'll get used to it.

Clearasil Booker T, Shane McMahon, the Rock and APA fight from Last Monday

Justin Credible vs the One Billy Gunn - Coach is getting on Leary for stealing his trademark lines all night. I've been watching this show a year and didn't realize all those lines were supposed to be trademarks. Oh well. Lockup, push in the corner, right by Justin, right by Justin, kick by Gunn, right, right, off the ropes, runs into a kick, Justin's gonna piledriver him! Shockingly, Gunn escapes, sweeps the legs, but Justin kicks him away, but Gunn ends up bouncing off the corner and dropped a headbutt right to the groin. Both up, Justin with a right, Gunn's are better. Right, whip, tilt-a-whirl slam for one two kickout. Justin's begging off but Gunn keeps coming. Kick, corner whip, press slam, no Justin falls behind - SUPERKICK! Cover one two kickout! The crowd is shocked! I'm shocked! Justin is shocked - I guess he thought that was his finisher. Justin waits and he's gonna go for another, blocked, spun around, kick to the stomach, Fameasser. One two three. (1:50) Sigh.

Tomorrow night, Booker T is the guest host of Sunday Night Heat. Only on MTV. 7/6c. Unforgiven is only two weeks away. See you next week.

The Cubs Fan
[slash] wrestling

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