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WWF Jakked by The Cubs Fan




Two Years Ago, Marc Taylor watched Crash win a four corners Superheavyweight match, Matt Hardy beat D-Von Dudley (and the Hardy's leave the Dudley downed after the match), Steve Blackman upset D'Lo and Rikishi return in a squash with a last name spelled Fatu in a match that later didn't actually happen.

One Year Ago, I saw Regal make an open challenge with his European Title and be answered by...Gangrel (on Jakked? No way!), Al Snow beat Funaki in Funaki's own state and Crash and Essa win squashes, tho' Essa's jobber was quite a bit more talkative and colored.

whatever Open whatever.

Raven (music) & Hugh Morrus (new tights) vs Scotty 2 Hotty & Albert - This isn't the time I'd be spending money on new tights, Hugh. Oh wow, they actually show us Chris Leary and Jonathan Coachman this week, and they're sick with that Survivor Series fever. Leary does Austin's watch bit. Albert has a head cap. Oh, they're wearing matching caps - must be a sign of team unity. X-Pac, who's X-Pac? This is part of the epic Hugh/Albert feud, you know. Scotty and Raven will start. Clap. Clap. Clap. Clap. You get the idea. Lockup, Scotty with a headlock, off the ropes, shoulderblock. Celebrate! Off the ropes, over, hiptoss blocked, hiptoss blocked, flip out (he's a WWF LH!), Raven misses with the clothesline, off the ropes, headscissors takedown. Scotty will moonwalk and celebrate and mostly leave himself open for a cheap shot. Raven quickly goes for a tag so Hugh's in. Whip, clothesline. Cheap shot for Albert. Slam. Yell at Albert. Albert stares, thinks about getting in, and distracts Hugh long enough that Scotty can sneak over for the tag. Now Hugh's not so eager. Albert tells him bring it on. Hugh takes off his elbow pad and charges...right into a fist. Oh well. Whip, back elbow. Whip, Albert goes off the other set of ropes and passes by Hugh a few times, then Albert stops and Hugh keeps bouncing off the ropes and okay whatever. Scotty and Albert laugh. Hugh's confused and looks for a tag but Raven forearms him (! but huh?) and Hugh stumbles right into the press slam. Tag to Scotty, Raven will kindly walk into position so Albert can toss Scotty on top. Scott punches Albert, but Hugh forearms him from behind (into Raven.) Hugh works him over and (intentionally?) sets Scotty up for the Mr. Wrestling #2 kneelift. Scotty goes out and Hugh's waiting to hurt him more while Raven distracts. Scotty back in - I guess someone decided that Raven was legal now - rebound clothesline. One two NO. Mounted punches. Pounding into the mat. Choke. Tag to Hugh, who strangely has gotten over getting forearmed in the face. Hugh goes right for the chin lock. Thanks for coming, Hugh. Up, elbows, off the ropes, Hugh gets the knee up. Tag to Raven, snap suplex. Moving Scotty into position, tag to Hugh. Hugh goes up. You think Hugh will miss yet again? Raven goes over towards Albert to taunt him (why?) and gets punched out of the ring, hitting the ropes and crotching Hugh in the process. They both need a tag now. Tag to Albert. Right for Hugh. Right for Raven. Clothesline for Hugh. Whip for Raven, clothesline misses, lunging shoulderblock does not. Punches, but Hugh's over to try to break it up, whip, reversed, powerslam. One two Raven breaks it up. Now Scotty's back up and punching Rave out of the ring. Albert Corner Smash leaves Hugh reeling, and Scotty gets that look. Albert tells him to go for it, and Scotty does, getting a flapjack for his try. Scissors kick for Hugh knocks him out, Scotty follows, Raven in and forearming Albert out. Raven's very excited to do that, too much to notice that Scotty is back in the ring - two handed bulldog. W O R M chop. Scotty barely has the time to celebrate because Hugh's attacking him from behind - press slam, no, Albert with the Baldo bomb on Hugh (Scotty falls safely out of the way) and down goes Hugh. One two three. (5:13) Albert and Scotty are happy. Scotty starts the clap. Hmm, glasses? NO, BALDO BOMB wait no Albert's just sitting Scotty on the top rope to watch. Albert does the clap. Scotty joins in. There's the dance, W O R M well that's not that so good but you tell him that. Scotty rides on Albert's shoulders and rubs his head. Is Terri with Justin now?

We got a recap and Chavo vs Jeff, but next, a recap. 

Who can it be now? (Who can it be now?) Who can it be now? (Who can it be now?) (8:18)

Coming out later, Spike Dudley vs Justin Credible, but next "the ultimate high flyer" Jeff Hardy.

My Sacrifice was somewhere here.

Chavo Guerrero Jr. (w/Wrestlemania hype) vs Jeff Hardy - When you think Chavo, you think Wrestlemania. Circle. Lockup, headlock by Chavo, into a hammer, Jeff into a hammer, Chavo with a snap mare, chin lock, Jeff quickly up to his feet, snap mare out, chin lock, Chavo to a hammer, Jeff breaks free and gets a quick body slam, cover one. This mat wrestling brought to you by "My Sacrifice" as sung by Chris Leary. He should know music, right? Not how to sing, for sure. Armbar by Jeff but Chavo's flipping his way out into a reversal. Knee, snap mare, shot to the back. Pushing Jeff into the corner, kick, kick, kick, kick. Plug for the Hardy video. Punch no Jeff's hit first I guess. He's got several more. Corner whip, reversed, kip up catching Chavo's head - face first powerbomb! Chavo's the man! One two no. (Maybe not.) Chin lock. Jeff up after a couple seconds, elbows out, to the ropes, no Chavo pulls him back into a headlock by the hair, so Jeff goes for a back suplex but Chavo lands on his feet. Jeff off the ropes, clothesline misses, Jeff with the lunging forearm. Swinging punch by Jeff to knock down Chavo again. Whip, reversed, dropkick but Jeff got the ropes. There's the double legdrop. Coach talks about looking forward to Eddie's comeback rather soon. Jeff clotheslines Chavo all the way out. Chavo up, so Jeff with a (eh) pescado to take him back down. Chavo thrown back in, one two NO. Kick by Chavo, front facelock. Suplexing him out of the ring? No, Jeff awkwardly lands on the apron, and uses reverse DDT-like on the top rope. Jeff going up - Swanton Bomb hits hard! Chavo was face first on the mat and flipped over at the last second and Jeff didn't get any roll through. Jeff doesn't move but that's good enough for a cover one two three. (2:48) Charles Robinson checks both guys because that didn't look right at all. Chavo probably got the wind knocked out of him and Jeff might have hurt his back there. 

Coming up, Perry vs Tommy. But next, the WCW Title and the problems it causes. 

RAW and Smackdown, Rock and Jericho. Hey was the Rock's foot under the rope there? Oh well. Hey, if RVD doesn't like Booker T, why did he make sure he didn't have to tap out there? That was confusing. (5:34) Look how much shorter Jericho looks than the rest of his team. Couldn't they just move him up a little bit there?

JVC Big Show Impression of Thursday

Justin Credible (already in the ring) vs Spike Dudley - So Terri's just forgotten? Okay. Justin sneaks in a knee to start. pounding. Eye rake. Leary, not having seen WCW I guess, talks about never having seen the Big Show take out so many people. Coach: "The last person I saw take care so many men was you" and Coach would know how? Kick. Punch. Corner whip, charge in but no one's home. Hiptoss. Armdrag. Punch in the corner. Corner whip, reversed, Justin charges in and is thrown to the apron, turnbuckle smash blocked and Justin goes in and to the floor. Sliding dropkick connects and Spike is happy. Justin back in and begging off. Handshake? Yes, so Spike can bite it. That's just not right at all. Flapjack on to the top turnbuckle stops that. Kick to the back. Turnbuckle smash. Kick down. Boot choke. Pulling powerbomb? Yes. One two no. Whip, back elbow. One two no. Push in the corner. Jabs. Slam. Second rope - axhandle (huh? that's a move you do if he's standing up) not at all surprisingly gets a boot. Both down. Both up. Spike gets the better of punches. Whip, reversed, Spike with a lunging forearm. Swinging neckbreaker. Corner whip, reversed, Spike comes out with the head to the gut, sunset flip one two no. Jawbreaker by Justin. Slam no Spike slowly slips behind, Dudley Dog no Justin pushes him into the ropes, SUPERKICK no Spike grabs the boot, spins him around, forward legsweep cradle one two three. (3:32) Coach says "small package" because he heard it once. 

Lugz Thrilling IC Title Change of Monday. 

Tommy Dreamer (already in the ring) vs Perry Saturn - In a (inside? I guess if you don't care about Byte This) joke to Kevin Kelly remarking on Dreamer's uglyness (in his view), Leary dubs Dreamer a champion - "Iona College Beauty Contest." Coach and Leary starts talking about that. Saturn works on the arm but I don't feel like going back to see what happened when I was typing that. But Saturn is spinning him around by his arm - hey that's almost an cross armbreaker if he can get the legscissored - but Dreamer pulls his way to the ropes. Saturn 'rana! You should've covered earlier. Whip, clothesline misses, Dreamer with a dropkick to the knee. It's his bad knee (as is the other one) but only Dreamer (and maybe Perry) know that. Working on the knee. There's a legdrop. Run into the ring post. Rammed into the ring post. I'll give the announcers LARGE AMOUNTS OF MONEY if they stop pimping Rob Zombie (you know, the thing I'd schedule for the week we typically get around to setting 75% of the card, a card doesn't seem to be living up to it's pestilential, is a musical performance, for sure) and pay attention to this match. But then I'm not doing much more - left leg into the apron. I'd tell you which arm Dreamer hurt but I can't remember any more and he's not selling either one particularly. Dreamer back in to get punched. Weakest Link hype. I hope I get injected with some sanity and don't end up recapping that. I mean, I'm blowing off a Dreamer/Saturn match so there's got to be a little hope there, right? Dreamer with a drop toe hold onto the second rope, then a clip to the bad leg. Kick to the bad leg. Saturn with punches - Ski High by Dreamer but he never bothers to get the cover there. Spinning toe hold (!) oh he's just going to put on the figure four. Dreamer does not say "It's time to go to school!" like Justin did that one time. Dreamer with the second rope pull for leverage but isn't good at all at hiding it and gets caught the first time by Mike Sparks. Russian legsweep. Don't go up Dreamer. Oh, he's going up. Second rope elbow drop misses yet again. Perry gets the better of the punches (Dreamer does get one in and will be fined as a result) whip, reversed (Saturn's stopped selling the leg), kick to the head because it'd own too soon and here's a springboard dropkick. Perry walks funny than hits the exploder. Clothesline. Clothesline misses, superkick does not. One two you are not Justin (and sometimes Lance.) Springboard caught into a powerslam one two no. Corner whip, charge in, Perry gets a boot up, Dreamer grabs it and kicks the leg and now it starts hurting again. Funny, that pain. It comes and goes and I'd rather just leave it all behind right now. Spicolli Driver (totally unnoticed amidst hype), Saturn slips behind and gets a waistlock, Dreamer with a back elbow, kick wham no reversed, Moss Covered Three Handled Family Grudenza (called) one two three. (4:46)

I don't know if it's a sign or nothing, but all the WWF guys won and all the Alliance guys lost.

DDP and Edge on Heat. Leary does a bad DDP. Coach does a bad DDP without realizing it. HEAT. And then RAW. Rob Zombie live. Maybe a match or two. Later.

The Cubs Fan
[slash] wrestling

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