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WWF Jakked by The Cubs Fan




Two Years Ago, Marc Taylor saw Gangrel lose to Val Venis by DQ when Luna helped out, Kurt Angle drop Mideon, Rikishi (w/Too Cool) and Bulldog (w/the MSPosse) go to no contest, D'Lo take out Steve Blackman (thanks to Kurt Angle) and the Hollys take out the Headbangers.

wwf attitude TV 14 LDV

Open. More changes (though since it's been three weeks since I saw the whole open, they may have been there for a while.) Big Show out, Edge in. Stacy Keibler (shaking her, um, T-shirt) instead of Billy Gunn. Austin stunning Undertaker replaced with an RVD frogsplash on D-Von. The Rock giving D-Von a Rock Bottom in for a shot of Jeff Hardy. You know, all this clips were replacement ones for Alliance people taken out just a few weeks ago - I wonder why they redid it again?

(sho) Funaki vs Al Snow (w/Tough Enough 2 T-Shirt) - Funaki must've paid off the Fink to bring his first name back, but you can't bribe the chyron guy. He's a man of virtue and honor. All the fun and challenge of trying to spot the Tough Enough kids goes right out the window when Al walks right over to them and high fives them all. We get a good enough shot that there's considerably less drama during that casting show. Well, if you've got a good memory. Charles Robinson is your ref. Lockup, waistlock, forward single leg sweep, Al goes for the headlock but Funaki grabs the hammerlock. Up to their feet, reversed, Al with a headlock, off the ropes, shoulderblock. Off the ropes, over, Al stops short and drops the elbow. Whip, big punch. Kick. Kick. Kick. Kick. Corner whip, charge into a boot, again, Funaki bulldog! Celebrate! The fans aren't on his side here. Right. Right. Corner whip, no Al slides to a stop, sneaks backs through Funaki's legs while holding the arm and does a back suplex while holding the arm. Didn't Mike Sanders do that move. Cover, one two no. Double arm hook, but Funaki sees where this is going and sneaks in a questionably low knee, right right whip, reversed, spinning headscissors by Funaki. Dropkick. Clapping, dropkick to the face. Celebrate. Funaki goes to get a handshake of congratulations from Charles (?), and Charles does the Flair "pull my hand back and brush it through my hair" bit! Funaki's surprised and confused (so am I) and doesn't see Al's punch coming. Here's another. Eyerake by Funaki. Corner whip, Al slides short (again?), charges, ducks the clothesline, Al jab jab big jab. Double arm hook, Funaki is scared, Al's got a look, now Al's assuring him he won't do anything wrong by rubbing his face, oh here's the headbutt headbutt headbutt headbutt headbutt headbutt headbutt headbutt, corner whip, clothesline to the back. Calling for it, kick, lift, long hold, Snow Plow. (3:17)

Lita and Matt and Jeff, later in recap form. Also, Miss Jackie warms up for her rematch versus Trish on Heat with a match versus Ivory. (Ivory?) But, on the way, Austin wants revenge on Austin and Booker T.

On Sunday, Austin won, then lost. On Monday, Austin lost. On Thursday, Austin didn't really wrestle but you can't help but give him credit for a win. They cut out nothing from Smackdown, I guess, and this has to be a new record. (15:50)

Coming up later, an exciting video of Triple H rehabbing. Next, Miss Jackie vs Ivory.

Lugz Undertaker Chokeslam of Last Sunday.

I like how Leary (did I mention your hosts are Christopher Leary and Jonathon Coachman?) says "Redman and Method Man" in the ad copy like their close personal buddies.

Ivory vs Miss Jackie - You want an explanation? "Ric Flair hired her back [it's the best part!] because she needed a women to train people on Tough Enough 2." Miss Jackie gets that rematch on Heat (well, unless Vince McMahon interrupts again, hahahaha) and also, your special guest host is CHRISTIAN. Leary remembers that the last time we saw our European Champion, Tazz had him in the Tazzmission on Smackdown. Lockup? Sure. Miss Jackie pushes her into the ropes, clean break so Ivory can sneak a kick in (Ivory's no dummy.) Off the ropes, right into a clothesline (I take that back.) Ivory to the ropes, so Miss Jackie pulls her by her feet off of them. Miss Jackie's new outfit sure is shiny. Ivory is wearing her cut out outfit. Corner whip, Miss Jackie charges into a boot, then gets a (second rope) turnbuckle and a leg trip - WOW CATAPULT! Into the second rope and not really WOW level. Forearm. Snap suplex. One two no. Ivory's clothesline missed, Miss Jackie with a chop, chop, chop, corner whip, flapjack. (Ivory does bounce!) One two no. One foot dropkick! I miss WOW too. Whip, backdrop. Miss Jackie with a standing spin kick that is almost too high but I guess good enough. One two no. Back suplex but Ivory lands on her feet and forearms Miss Jackie in the back. Kick wham facebuster one two three. (2:08) Was Miss Jackie overlooking Ivory? If Miss Jackie does win the title on Sunday (hahaha but really) does Ivory get the title shot? What is Ivory saying to Miss Jackie now? WHY is she - oh there's a slap. Ivory staggers, right, kick, DDT.

Still to come, Hardcore Holly returns! But next, Team Extreme Soap Opera

Just RAW highlights here. We don't have time to make sense of Smackdown. (3:30)

Coming up later, that Triple H video. They wouldn't lie to us. But next, the Hollys are reunited (and it feels so good.)

the Hollys (w/o Molly or Scale, green, no graphic?) vs Mikey Henderson and Frankie Kazarhian (UPW, already in the ring) - Coach says we haven't seen Hardcore since he beat up Coach (you'd think that's the type of thing that I'd remember) but they've mended fences since then. I'm not doing play by play till we get which guy is which. Suffice it to say Hardcore makes a point of clotheslining one of the guys out of the ring and chopping them hard right in front of the Tough Enough 2 kids, who stand and hoot and holler. Boy, there are sure not that many people of color who have what it takes to be wrestlers. Or maybe I'm just reaching because I got nothing better to do and there are two black guys who (are forced to) sit at the ends of the section so whatever. There sure a lot of 'em - I'm not gonna count but at least ten. I bet that black girl has a good chance because all the others are white blondes and they're looking for the exotic look, whatever that still means. This is why I don't do columns. Places that are boring to go. Suplex. Crash gets in a cross body one two. You get nothing till a finisher if I don't know who is who. Sure, that guy looks like a Mikey, and sure I could go to the UPW site and find out, but WHY. WHY. WHY. Coach, trying to prey on whatever mood I'm in, goes out of his way to point out the look between Torrie and Hurricane, and now I'm just thinking how soon Tajiri will be alone on Jakked, when he's not teaming with Funaki. "It looks like Crash has got a hold of this guy's neck - I'm sorry, what was this gentleman's name, Mike?" "It doesn't matter."  "It does matter!" They should so fire Coach and leave Leary alone. I'm done. Alabama Slam on Frankie. (4:45)

Triple H video. (3:00)

On Heat, Christian (they promise a problem with Tazz), Miss Jackie vs Trish for the Women's Title. RAW is Monday.

That's five years of the Jakked franchise for you. It doesn't matter.

The Cubs Fan
[slash] wrestling

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