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WWF Jakked by The Cubs Fan




Two Years Ago (on UK Metal) Kirk Wagstaff saw

One Year Ago Steve Blackman/Grandmaster Sexay, K-Kwik, Haku and Essa Rios all win squashes.

Comforting (really): No one noticed me making absolutely no sense when I complained about commentators being on both Metal and Jakked screwing up the brand extension. Or maybe had a valid point and I forgot it two weeks later.    

tv 14 ldv attitude open 

The promo they've been using to hype Backlash for the last while - Hogan's return and recation at WrestleMania leading to the Undisputed title match versus Triple H. "The Last Stop On The Road To Backlash Starts Now." - wait, wasn't that Smackdown? Somehow I think it just might be Heat too.

the Godfather (w/new video, walking stick, old music) vs Val Venis (w/Two Weeks Ago On Jakked and towell) - From what we see, the new video is clips from last time we saw him, and maybe practicing this entrance earlier today (because he's wearing the same outfit.) I am shocked that this rivalry didn't make Backlash! Okay, now I'm just lying. Your talking heads are Al (grooving to music) and Marc and they wonder out loud about the main event of Backlash. Circle. Lockup no Val ducks under, right right right right. Right, whip, holding for the knee, whip holding for the knee, Russian leg sweep. Off the ropes, splash onto the knees. Godfather up but Val coming back with right right right (into the corner) right right right kick kick kick corner whip, reverse and Val goes down because it's just so hard. Stomp. Elbow drop to the back. Whip, reversed, back elbow, elbow drop, off the ropes, knee drop, one two no - I can type that sequence before it happens now, wow. Suplex - no, his back hurts and he can't pull it off. That must've been some elbow drop. At any rate, Godfather pushes Val face first into the ropes and hits a forearm to the back on the rebound. Corner whip, side slam. Smart! Punching on the mat, and now grinding a forearm into the face. Announcers talking Austin/Undertaker/Flair. Rope added camel clutch. Forearm. Al and Marc still aren't over Marc's interview. Axhandle to the back, axhandle to back. While referee Brian Hebner checks on Val, Godfather removes a turnbuckle pad. Boot choke in the opposite corner of the exposed one. Corner whip, no reversed into a knee. Val off the ropes and right into a big clothesline! Godfather is changed man - Godfather tries the turnbuckle smash into the exposed steel, but Val blocks it at the last second, elbow elbow right right whip, reversed, clothesline is too high and Val hits the jumping shoulderblock, clothesline, clothesline. Picking Godfather up, reverse neckbreaker, one two no. Right. Whip, reversed into a Godfather sleeper, Val reverses it into his back suplex powerbomb one two no. Godfather crawls to the (exposed) corner - Val charges in, jumping splash but Godfather moved out of the way and Val's a big dope to forget about that. Val grabs his chest, and Godfather - goes out. Oh, he wants the ring bell. Brian is alert enough to stop and even take away the bell from Godfather before he can use it (Al: "That's right Brian, do your family proud") - oh, I was wondering how he got that so easily and that's because Godfather remembers he has the Walking Stick sitting right there, so while Hebner puts the bell back, Godfather with a jab to the midsection, ditch the evidence and cover one two three. (4:58) I don't think Godfather even needed to cheat again to win there, but he won so it works.

Undertaker/Austin later, CHRISTIAN later, but next the road to Backlash.

Hogan/Triple H (2:56)

Tough Enough 2 highlights to come, but next How The Rock Learned To Ride A Camel

CAMEL CRAZYNESS. Rock: "The camel I had, he was my man, we wound up having a really good relationship, but he wouldn't shut up. It's just like (slowly) a lot of my partners in the WWF - they don't shut up either." (:55

CHRISTIAN vs Funaki - Marc has seen the movie twice already. Al rode camels when the WWF when to Kuwait. Al: "I don't think I'm gonna go see [the Scorpion King.]" "Why not?" "I don't think the Rock could ever measure up to Paul Heyman's performance in RollerBall." Christian lays down the law with Funaki after the bell, and Funaki doesn't seem to like - then Christian pushes him down and shows off his muscles. And then Funaki throws a tantrum! Christian, enraged, tries an elbow drop but Funaki rolls out of the way - inside cradle one one no. Whip, clothesline misses, Funaki slide under, drop toe hold, slapping the back of the head to mess up the hair. Mini celebration, kick is caught, enziguri is not. Picking him up, but Christian breaks free, eye rake and Funaki's thrown hard into the corner post. Suplex onto the top rope. Funaki on the apron, right, running shoulderblock knocks Funaki to the floor into the barricade. Christian happy, fans not. Christian out and throwing in Funaki, stomp stomp stomp right right right right right choke. Funaki with a right right right Christian with a forearm, whip, Funaki dropkick but no one's home. Christian goes to pick him up but there's a small package one two no. Christian with a clothesline ducked, Funaki off the ropes to try the bodyscissors roll up but Christian with the face first powerbomb one two no. Christian argues the count - is he gonna snap? No. Stomp. Choke on the middle rope. Four count and go. Right. Right. Right. Showing of his biceps again. Rights by Funaki but Christian holds on, knee. Pulling the hair and putting a knee in the back. Pulling Christian up by hair, hair mare, chin lock. "SHUT UP!" They don't. Push into the corner, mounted punches but Funaki pushes him down. So Christina goes back up and gets pushed back down. Charging in the corner, and into Funaki's boot. Bulldog! Funaki ducks a clothesline, this a dropkick. Right, whip, reversed, spinning headscissors. Slam, but Christian falls behind, reverse DDT but Funaki spins around and hits a backdrop. Funaki charges at Christian, Christian throws him over the top, Funaki lands on the apron while Christian looks the wrong way, up top - flying cross body but Christian rolls through one two no. Christian with over the shoulder slam running powerslam but Funaki falls behind, pushes Christian in the corner - Tornado DDT! one two NO! Funaki tries a back suplex but Christian lands behind - Unprettier one two no. (6:02) No tantrum today - or at least none we got to see.

Coming up, Hugh Morrus and Lance Storm - but next, Undertaker/Austin.

Marc and Al discuss the #1 Contenders match (which is RAW) (2:20) There's also this match for the title.

Backstage, Sharmell talks to Hugh Morrus, oh no. "I'll tell you what, Sharmell, I feel great. I got a second opportunity. I've been gone for a while, but now I'm back. I'm ready to get in front of these people, and nothing could take the smile of my face." Hey what a shock, Lance Storm shows up right after that line. "Oh really? Well congratulations Morrus on getting your job back, but it doesn't mean everything's a bed of roses around here. This is serious business and you're gonna have to earn it. And tonight, you're gonna have to earn it in the ring with me. Why don't you wipe that smile off your face before I smack it off." "You think you can wipe the smile off my face-[SMACK]" Hey, Lance lives up to his word. Hugh's still smiling, so Lance slaps him again. Hugh comes up smiling again and catches Lance's arm before he can get smacked again, then walks away. Let's stare into Lance's eye as we go to break.

Lance Storm vs Hugh Morrus - see, it was the last match ever between Lance and GENERAL RECTION and he's Hugh Morrus. Talk about Eddie and RVD. Circle. Lockup, Al says "Art Barr and Eddie Guerrero, who were an incredible team down in Mexico", and no one gets control. Lockup #2. Lance with a waistlock, Hugh with a waistlock, Lance with a back elbow to escape. Hugh with rights. Whip, Lance slides under, kick to the stomach, headlock, push into the ropes, Hugh misses with a clothesline, Lance tries a crucifix rollup but Hugh won't go down - Samoan drop. Lance gets control first, right, chop, chop, Hugh's smiling and putting Lance in the corner. Open hand slap. Open hand slap. Corner whip, Hugh charges in and hits the corner splash. Press slam but Lance lands on his feet, running drop on the top rope. Al: "And I was WWF Tag Team Champion with Mick Foley." Stomp. Kick. Stomp. Stomp. Choke. Choke on the middle rope. Whip, jumping side kick one two no. Hugh battling with rights, whip, head down too soon so Lance kicks it, back elbow cover one two no. One two NO. Al: "I wish they'd stop wrestling so I could talk about Backlash!" Lance goes to a chinlock, which is close enough - foot into the back of Hugh's knees. Hugh elbows out, off the ropes, sleeper. Hugh pushes Lance off and into the ropes, back elbow, clothesline, clothesline. Whip, backdrop. Stomp. Corner whip, Hugh charges intot a back elbow. Lance charges out into a powerslam one two no. Hugh tosses off his knee brace - was it bugging him? Whip, Lance tries a 'rana but Hugh powerbombs him one two NO. Lance with a jawbreaker, then throws Hugh out. Lance is kinda out of it in the ring, but manages to baseball slide kick Hugh when he tries to come in. Hugh thrown in - springboard clothesline one two NO! Lance with an eye poke, big inside cradle and grabbing the ropes one two NO. Lance tries for a suplex but Hugh blocks it - Hugh with a suplex but Lance falls behind, reverse rollup (and Lance tries to pull the tights) one two NO. Hey Lance, maybe you should try - oh, whip, reversed, Hugh hits the flapjack. Hugh calls for No Laughing Matter, and takes forever to go for it so of course he gets crotched. Lance puts on the Mapleleaf. Hugh is in pain but crawling - grabs the ropes. But Lance pulls him in the center of the ring! Hugh moving again - and grabs the ropes. Hugh rolls out, then pulls Lance ou too. Right. Stomp stomp stomp, Hugh goes to get back in but Lance grabs the legs and pulls him out. Elbow drop, elbow drop, Hugh gets him in a bodyscissors and forearm him - they start rolling around and fighting but there's the bell (DCO 7:44) Holy crap almost eight minutes - too bad they couldn't give us a finish. Fans boos. Lance puts on the Mapleleaf again till the refs force him away.

1-800-Call-ATT about that six man tag match from Smackdown. 

Tough Enough 2 highlights. In some ways, the second phone call to her mom was almost as disturbing as the first one. Which is saying something, because that FIRST one. I think Jackie knew exactly what was going to happen if she told and that's why she did what she did. Is this highlight package going to be all Jackie and Pete? Oh wait there's Edge, so he can talk about this too. Pete has a hard time accepting the fact that every time he tries for some sort of relationship thing with Jackie, it reminds her how much she screwed up. (2:26) Al wonders about Jackie's mom too and is happy with the one he has.

Edge/Angle. Austin/Undertaker/Flair. Hogan/Triple H. Backlash! Let's end with clips of Triple H standing over Hogan - see you at the PPV.

The Cubs Fan
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