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/26 February 2000

WWF Metal UK by Kirk Wagstaff




It's WWF Metal! This week - FIVE matches! Essa Rios! Tracy Smothers!

CHESTBANGERS VS TRACY SMOTHERS & RICK RANDALL. Thrasher starts off with rights to the buckle. Mosh soon interferes which results in Smothers dropkicking both. Tag to Randall. Irish whip to the buckle. More interference. After al this malarkey Thrasher stuns Randall with a clothesline, before the Stage Dive. That earned them the win (2:25).

This week is NWO! I mean No Way Out! Let's have some hype.

Kurt Angle & British Bulldog defeated Chris Jericho and Chyna in an average match. May I add, Chyna now looks A LOT better. Finish sees Angle clocking Jericho in the face with the European belt, followed by the firemans carry takeover.

Jonathan Coachman is here, telling the UK fans why we should spend £16 on Sky Sports 1 just to watch No Way Out. No thanks, I'm ordering some ECW video's this weekend. Hey, look at that guy behind Coachman with Rock's T-Shirt! I'll probably read a report on this site, and I suggest you do the same. Do I get some credibility for that?

RATINGS MIDEON VS PRINCE ALBERT. Michael Cole says "This shall be a classic here on Metal." No, I AM NOT DREAMING, it was NOT the stuff I drunk last night, it was not the dirty film I watched the night before that. Give me a friggin' break. Anyway, you want me to comment on this match? Albert's style is so crap it makes analysing El Gigante brawling exciting. Finish sees Mideon miss a clothesline - and deftly walk into a pump kick (3:01). Michael Cole calls it a different thing each week.

Big Show and Kurt Angle defeated Jericho and The Rock after Chyna interfered with the steel chair and got disqualified. Chyna, this is NOT ECW.

FUNAKI VS DAVID YOUNG. Headlock by Young. Off the ropes, shoulder block. Off the ropes, Funaki blocks a hiptoss. More off the ropes malarkey. Funaki with a dropkick followed by a clothesline to the outside. Springboard cross body. Back in the ring. Clothesline misses. Young with a huracanrana. Pick up. Rights. Whip reversed. Kick. Hiptoss. Young misses a vertical splash and hits the turnbuckle, balls first. That is, unless he had a cup. Funaki with a whip. Elbow. Snap suplex for 2. Rake to the eyes. Back suplex. 1, 2... Snapmere. Face stomp. Reverse chinlock. 1, 2... Neckbreaker for 2. Off the ropes, Young counters with a BIG spinebuster. Funaki is out, Young looks set to go to the top, which shall be the turnaround of the match. Moonsault - YEP, I guessed right, he hit the knees. Tis time Funaki goes to the top - TORNADO DDT. 1, 2, 3 (4:26)

IVORY VS JACQUELINE. Ivory with an arm twist. Biting the fingers. Jacqueline spins on the ropes, breaking out of the twist, and follows it up with a hairgrab takeover for 2. Jacqueline pulls on the legs of Ivory into a sunset flip style manoeuvre - 1, 2... Kicks by Ivory. Twists the arm. Camel clutch. Whoo - Ivory's breasts nearly popped RIGHT OUT. Once that one gets out - up go the ratings. 2 roll ups for 2. Half sharpshooter of some kind by Ivory into pinning combination - I don't believe I know that manoeuvre. Anyway, Jacqueline reverses it. 1, 2, 3 (1:46). That match would have been much better if it had lasted longer.

More No Way Out hype.

In other news this week, Test faced Chris Benoit in another average match. Guerrero interfered, thus giving Benoit the advantage, and the win. Bah.

Here's the big one - here's where the money's going - Cactus Jack VS Triple H. Cactus Jack says thanks to his fans, before "Sexy" Stephanie McMahon appear in the aisle. I bet Foley wouldn't mind her playing with his Cactus. Aw come on Foley, admit it. Oh well, Stephanie got him arrested. I love DIRTY WOMEN! He then gets dumped in the cage. Is that the cage they face in at No Way Out? Apparently not, but Cactus gets pulled all the way out of the arena in it anyway. In JR's words - it's going to be A WAR!

JOEY ABS VS ESSA RIOS. Get your video recorders ready! I won't be able to go through this on a first watch. Abs gets the advantage with stomps. Suplex for 2. Knee. Rights. Stomps. Hiptoss... Rios with an impressive double backwards somersault gets out of it. Abs misses a clothesline, and walks into a spinning heel kick. Samoan slam. Legdrop for 2. Huracanrana... Abs pulls him up and over into an impressive slam for 2. Whip to the buckle, but he misses an axe handle. Kick by Rios. Abs with a back drop to the apron, Rios with a right, followed by a MASSIVE huracanrana from the top rope for 2. Eye poke by Abs. Back suplex. There's the infamous and amateur wave splash. Throw to the outside - here's the sports entertainment - MSP start a rather amateur bullying session. Once back in the ring, Abs with a flick suplex. 1, 2... Irish whip, Rios with a clothesline!. Irish whip to the buckle, reversed - Rios straight up to the buckle and a moonsault with pinning combination. 1, 2, 3 (3:56). That was a good match. Oh, here comes Lena with a moonsault of her own. And that's the end of another show.

That was an impressive Metal. Come back next week and we can do it all AGAIN! See you all next week.

Kirk Wagstaff
[slash] wrestling

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Guest column text copyright (C) 2000 by the individual author and used with permission