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/15 April 2000

WWF Metal UK by Kirk Wagstaff




It's WWF Metal! Your hosts are the patronising Kevin Kelly and Tom Prichard.

This week, new matches! Last week we were taken on a trip to Shit Street and given a compilation of old Heat matches. This week is different, see.

ESSA RIOS (w/The Lovely Lita) vs BILLY FIBES. Rios starts off with kicks, loads of 'em. Sidekick misses. Irish whip is reversed, hiptoss blocked, huracanrana misses powerbomb (this ain't easy!)! Chop in the corner. Whip reversed, kick, sunset flip-style rollaway, followed by a kick. Huracanrana! There's a clothesline to the outside, enabling Lita to imitate Rios with a huracanrana - I bet he LOVED that! Oh no - plancha to the outside! That was awesome! Back in the ring, it only gets a 2. Whip, rope choke. Kicks in corner by Fibes. There's a sidekick taking him down. Snapmere. To the top - frogsplash! I wonder if D'Lo will be on later in the show? 1, 2... Pushes Rios to the top - going for the huracanrana? No, it's countered with a powerbomb. Wham! Moonsault! That finished him(4:06). There's Lita with a moonsault of her own - when she covers him for an unofficial 3 count - that FINISHED HIM AGAIN!

(Hey, Kirk, it's FIVES. Sorry. - CRZ)

Too Cool faced The Radicals in an awesome bout on raw this week. Malenko covered Scotty 2 Hotty for the 3 count.

Speaking of Raw, did you hear about some girls flashing their tits during the break? No, though not - just me dreaming again.

STEVIE RICHARDS VS BRUNO SASSIE. Sassie certainly doesn't look like a jobber to me. Kick. Right. Right. Right. Powerbomb for 2. Whip, shoulderblock. BIG stomp to the head! 1, 2... Suplex! 1, 2... To the top, Richards gets the foot up in time for a splash. Youch! Whip, back body drop! Whip - sidewalk slam. 1, 2... Whip reversed, back body drop should have occured, but Richards turns it into a sloppy powerbomb followed by a Stevie Kick (TM) for the win. Bah. (3:14)

Guerrero/Jericho nonsense.

AL SNOW & STEVE BLACKMAN vs CHESTBANGERS. Fireman's carry by Al. Snapmere by Mosh for 2. Al with rights. Mosh misses a dropkick and hits his head on the canvas. Whip, reversed - powerslam by Mosh! 1, 2... Double ropechoke. Kicks. Al counters with an badly executed enziguri. Tag to Blackman, who kicks Mosh all over the place. Irish whip by Mosh, elbow. Tag to Thrasher. Two hiptosses. Tag to Mosh. Arm twist. Whip reversed. Snow grabs Mosh outside and powerbombs him on the ramp! Blackman with a backbreaker on the inside. Whaa? We take a break to see the Backlash promo - there's hot rumours that I could be doing that show! CRZ - could you confirm this for me please? I don't want find five other people have reported it! (Huh? I dunno - you're the first person to mention it to me, far as I know.. Hey, I HATE interrupting more than once in a report! - CRZ) Hey, we're back! Mosh with a dropkick. Thrasher destroys everybody. Stage dive? Nah, Blackman interrupts it, the bastard! Snow finished Mosh off with Head. 1, 2, 3 (5:45). What a joke that was! Headbangers were awesome in that match!

The Hardy Boys faces Tits & Ass in an average match. Matt Hardy executed his "swanton" bomb for the three count. And here come my faves, the Dudleys. 3D on Albert! Thank god.

D'LO BROWN VS JOEY ABS. D'Lo isn't a pimp anymore! Bwahahah. Abs starts off with (yawn) rights. Whip, elbow for 2. D'Lo with a neckbreaker. Clothesline from top rope! Bodyslam. D'Lo does a good bodyslam. Moonsault from the top! Wow. But only for 2. Back body drop. Here come the rest of the posse. Bodyslam. Rodney and Gas both get the unconvincing springboard rope thingy which sends the crowd wild. Double clothesline sends them out. Rodney comes back with rights, a DDT, a powerslam, and a wave splash. After a rope choke and a suplex, D'Lo comes back. Rodney is on the apron, but gets clocked accidentally by Abs when D'Lo moves out of the way of a clothesline. Sky high! 1, 2, 3 (5:51).

That wraps it up for one week! See you next time!

Kirk Wagstaff
[slash] wrestling

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Guest column text copyright (C) 2000 by the individual author and used with permission