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/22 April 2000

WWF Metal UK by Kirk Wagstaff




It's WWF Metal! Your hosts are Kevin Kelly and Tom Prichard.

D'LO AIN'T A PIMP VS JULIO FANTASTICO. Grapple. Irish whip by D'Lo, Julio goes down with a shoulder block. Then he runs into a hiptoss. Julio NOW tries a hiptoss, and it was blocked - there's another hiptoss by D'Lo. Rights. Back suplex. D'Lo goes to top rope... MOONSAULT! 1, 2... Whip to the buckle, he gets caught. D'Lo face first into the buckle. Whip to the opposite buckle by Julio, D'Lo jumps to second buckle and clocks him with a back elbow. Julio then dominates for a while with knees, and a rope choke. D'Lo back with... rights? Face first suplex by D'Lo (actually I made that up). Sidekick! Bodyslam. Legdrop! Sky High powerbomb! Lo-down! 1, 2, 3 (5:30). Tom Prichard just called the frogsplash the Sky High! Bwahahahaha!

CHESTBANGERS VS THE MOST EXPENSIVE JOBBER IN THE WORLD STEVIE RICHARDS & TIE STREET. Arm twists, Street dominates. Thrasher tags in Mosh, the chicken. Sidewalk slam. Tie with a hiptoss. Mosh tagged in now. 3 chops in the corner. Tag to Thrasher. Headbangers do some impressive double teaming moves here. Richards' team attempt a full nelson double team manoeuvre of some sort, but it all goes to pot, Richards gets clocked. Mosh with a TKO on Street. Double team clothesline. Tag to Mosh. Clothesline. Rope choke. Bodyslam. Legdrop off the ropes. Clothesline. BIG kick. Tag to Thrasher. Double clothesline enabled Tie to tag in Richards, and he just about destroys everyone. Tie screws it all up by getting clocked, and Richards destroys his own team mate with the Stevie Kick - and leaves. Boooooo!! Stage dive! 1, 2, 3 (4:44).

THE GODFATHER (w/ 8 prostitutes and 16 big boobies) VS INFERNO. Brawling. Godfather sends him out with a clothesline. Inferno is now dancing with the ho's, making Godfather angry. He slips ten dollars in her top and then she gives him a blow job. Hey, this is a family show guys! Godfather clocks him. Into the steps. Back in the ring - rights. Whip, back elbow. Dropkick by Inferno. Irish whip reversed, Godfather with a powerslam! Whip to the buckle. Oh you betcha - Ho train! Pimp drop! 1, 2, 3 (3:21).

A YOKOZUNA IMPERSONATOR VS "THE RATINGS KILLER" MIDEON. Doesn't it freak you out when those marks would rather look at Rikishi's fat ass then some decent matches? Smackdown was awful this week thanks to Rikishi and The Big Show. Kevin Kelly just said " The Big Show is so entertaining!" You crazy guys! Rights. Rights. Rights. Rights. Oops. Mideon going for a suplex? No, DDT! But HE'S UP!! Oh my - he's HULKIN' UP! Kick! Whip to the buckle. Ass splash in the corner. And then he - USES MIDEON'S TONGUE AS TOILET PAPER (sorry CRZ)!!! Samoan drop. Drags him to the corner. Banzai drop! 1, 2, 3 (1:50). Now, where's Mr Fuji gone?

That just about wraps it up for this week. Next week, I'll try and do Backlash as long as CRZ doesn't interrupt on every line! (Geez, you correct ONE error... - CRZ) The UK gets a friggin' 50 minute delay thanks to those pesky marks who complained that the Royal Rumble had just four ad-breaks. Only ONE spoiled it for those marks, and that was because The Rock was blabbing away on the mic for the eighth time that night. Oh BOO HOO we missed the Rock say "Finally, the Rock has come back to <insert city here>!" and "<insert wrestler here>, I'm gonna kick your candy ass! If ya smell, what the Rock... Iiiiiiiis suckin'" I can't STAND the Rock!

See you next week!

Kirk Wagstaff
[slash] wrestling

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Guest column text copyright (C) 2000 by the individual author and used with permission