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WWF House Show


by: Michael Cunningham



Okay, so it's been a while since I have sent anything in to the distinguished Mr. CRZ. Basically it's because I don't have any damn time to sit and write anything. Between school, work, and the slow transformation from fat unattractive bastard, to slim and muscular unattractive bastard, there just aren't enough hours in the day. But since I attended the WWF house show here in Knoxville Saturday night, and I love you all so much, I decided to make time. Besides, there isn't much going on at work.

The show was set to start at 7:30, unfortunately at 7:29 we were still trying to find our seats. So when the lights went out and Welcome to the Jungle fired up, I was kinda pissed. Fortunately, when we did get seated, Howard Finkel was doing the spiel "Don't take pictures and sell them, no laser pointers, no video equipment, none of that stuff." After the National anthem (which Howard did NOT sing, we went all instrumental. Most of us were too busy looking for the flag anyway.) We were ready for some action.

I was seated almost directly across from the entranceway. Thompson Bowling Arena is about as shitty a venue for wrestling as you can have, since there are four main entrances to the floor area, all of them are at corners to the building, so the wrestlers have to turn at least once during the entrance, and there is not enough room for cool stage type stuff. At least under this shows configuration.

Match 1: The Godfather and D'lo Brown (with about 4 ho's) vs. Gangrel and Mideon.

Monster pop for the pimp daddies. Of course, D'lo was former Smoky Mountain so he gets a big pop the entire match. In fact, D'lo gets such a pop that the crowd forgets to boo when they come out without the hoes. Ooops. Godfather does the whole spiel, even acknowledging his happy drug use, saying something like "I know I am not supposed to say this anymore, but I don't see any TV cameras around so . . . " Anyway, the big pops stop with Gangrel and Mideon's entrance. All I could say at the time was "God Damn, I thought it was TV, but Mideon really is THAT slow!" Gangrel gets a pop for spitting blood, and not much else. The match was fairly slow, the heels blew some spots and REALLY need to work on their ringwork BADLY if they are going to be a serious fulltime Tag team. Of course, If I am really lucky, Mideon will be fired, and then hit by a train, we can all hope. Anyway, the match was not too bad when he was out of it, D'lo hit the frog splash about 5 minutes in to end it.

From here on out, I am kind of unsure about the order, but it's not relevant.

Match 2: Edge vs. Headbanger Mosh

This really was two matches. The first of which was Mosh going through his stuff, which sucks, and the second is Edge doing his, which is cool. Everything in between was garbled and messy. Mosh really looked jaded and appeared like he was not too fond of doing the job here. Which of course he did after about 15 minutes or so.

Match 3: Grandmaster Sexay vs. Headbanger Thrasher

The jobbing of the Headbangers continues as Thrasher comes out to put over pseudo-hometown boy Grandmaster Sexay. Big pop for Sexay, part of that was me, since he is rapidly becoming one of my favorite wrestlers. That match between him and Saturn from smackdown was the proverbial shiznit! This match blows chunks, simply because Thrasher doesn't give a fuck anymore, and honesty, who could blame him. Cute spot where Sexay does his dancing, and his pants fall round his ankles gets a big pop. Sexay finishes it with a Tennessee Jam after about 8 minutes or so.

Match 4. Kurt Angle vs. Christian for the European Championship.

Angle gets time on the mic and basically runs through the usual spiel. Personally, seeing as how he was on the campus of The University of Tennessee, he could have played that up as a lack of intelligence, but he probably would have gotten to big a face pop. Speaking of pops, the heel heat he gets here is TREMENDOUS! I mean the crowd lives to hate this guy. Of course, a friend of mine and I popped right up for him, but had to sit back down when we realized we were the only ones in the building. Christian came out to pretty much apathy. Since we all knew there was no chance in hell (you've got) he was walking out with the title. The match itself was very good, lots of teasing finishers early, finishing of course with the SHITTY FINISHER OF DEATH from Angle on the title. The only complaint I have about Angle is that he is using the belt as a weapon, that's not very much like an Olympian Hero.

Match 5: The Hardy Boyz vs. The (Damned) Dudley Boyz in a no holds barred anything goes street fight with the winner getting to keep the "z" in Boyz

This match was originally booked to be the Acolytes vs. The Dudleys in a Anything goes, but apparently the WWF decided that the Dudleys check didn't bounce. In case you are wondering, that's a bad thing. D-von gets on the stick and runs down Knoxville, saying the traditional "you rednecks, I hate rednecks etc." Pretty Cool spot here as Buh Buh Grabs the mic and says "Now hold on there D-von, you and I have had some good times in this city. In fact, I kind of like Tennessee. (big face pop)" Buh buh then gets back in character by pretending to choke and asking D-von who he is. "Why the Tennessee Titans!" har har! The Hardyz come to the ring to basically the same pop that Edge and Christian got, mostly high pitched and scattered. Now before I go any further, I love both of these teams, but get them away from each other. The whole point of this match is that it is no DQ, and there are maybe 3 things that would cause a DQ anyway in a normal match. Really under whelming match that saw no tables get involved. Dudleys got the win with a 3D after about 15 minutes or so. I was very glad to see that nobody embarrassed Knoxville while D-von was on the mic, if you get my drift.

Match 6 - Ivory vs. Jacquoline in a WWF women's title match

Let me just say it one time for the record. IVORY IS SO FUCKING HOT it is unreal! And yes, CRZ, she was carrying a scarf. She came out and ran down the "Toothless wonders" in the crowd. Gotta love that! Anyway, Jackie came out to, well, silence. The match sucked balls, big time. For those of you who have never seen a women's match, let me put things in perspective. Take Kane vs. Big Show from King of the Ring, and have the match underwater. You have the basic idea about the speed of the match. Many blown spots, not that anyone cared since they were too busy chanting "We want puppies." Of course I couldn't help thinking "The second they send Mae Young out here, I am gone, I don't care how much these seats cost!" I actually said it out loud getting laughter from the hot chick in front of me. (I could have nailed her were she not with someone, and if my group was smaller). Regardless, the match sucked, Jackie got the pin with the DDT. Ivory mooned the crowd on her way out, but of course it was on the other side of the damn arena where I saw not a damn thing!

Match 7 - The Acolytes vs. Head Cheese

Both teams come out to a big pop. Huge "Head Cheese" chant all the way through (again, I was a part of it). Blackman gets on the stick to remind us that "I am not a head cheese, I am the lethal weapon" So of course, the chants multiply. This match was a lot of fun. Basically a glorified brawl, or if you prefer, an Acolytes match., but the ringwork by both teams was real crisp and a lot of fun to see. Farooq and Blackman spent a lot of time on the floor, one nice spot had Farooq taking the mic from the Fink and saying "here you go Head cheese" right before blasting Blackman with it. Match ended out of nowhere with the Acolytes going over. I don't remember exactly how though. Match of the night

Match 8 - Big Bossman vs. Kane (w/ Paul Bearer)

I get chuckles right off the bat from hot chick in front of me with that old Scott Keith standby "Hey, it's that big fat fuck Ray Traylor" Anyway, Kane comes out, Bossman tries to leave, Kane goes out after him. Kane kicks Bossman's ass. Ref is distracted, Bossman gets medieval with the Nightstick, Kane no sells, chokeslam, Thanks for playing. About 8 minutes. Kane teases us with the possibility of the 4 corners in flames, but we never get it. Oh yeah, about halfway through, Paul Bearer decides he wants some of Teddy Long, but nothing comes of it. I am glad to see Paul having dropped some weight though. He was downright scary there for a while.

Main Event: The New Samoan Swat Team vs. Triple H and The Big Slow

This match was originally booked to be The Rock vs. Triple H for the strap, but I guess that WWF decided it probably would be a bad idea to have The Rock job here. And they would have been right, as from the second they announced that the main event was coming up the "Rocky" chants were fucking amazing. This guy is a God! Big Show comes out to, well, mostly silence. Triple H comes out to a mixed reaction, but hey, we only had to hear "My Time" once so that's cool. (Especially since I think I blew an eardrum the first time around.) Rikishi is out next, and of course, gets the shit kicked out of him for a few minutes so CRZ's favorite wrestler can make the save. "Rocky" chants literally are shaking the building, either that or Phatu fell down, one or the other. But the chants are damned loud. "If you smeeeeeeellll. . . ." Rock takes his sweet time hitting the ring, but opens up a manly can of whoop ass when he gets there. Rock clears the ring, the chants get even louder, which I didn't think was possible. H and Show are outside the ring, h has the stick. "You know, it's bad enough that we have to come to this hellhole, but there's no way we are going to put up with this shit, we are gone." BIG FUCKING HEAT FOR THAT! Rock and Phatu bring them back of course. Good little match, with most of the work being done by Rock and H. I comment on how Phatu and Show are sweating just standing on the apron. Anyway, mostly it is all just a finisher fest, with the people's elbow on H finishing after about 12 minutes or so. No ARGHHHHHHHCHokeslam for us though, as I would have liked to seen that, especially if it was on Phatu. Post Match, HHH just leaves, Big show comes to get him some, Phatu hits the Superkick, laying show out. Rock motioning for another people's elbow. (Spot of the night) Rock goes for the elbow pad, but he has already thrown it into the crowd from when he hit H with the elbow, so he stops, and switches arms, to a huge pop, then proceeds. Show goes to the back afterwards. Rikishi and Rock shake hands, and Rikishi heads for the back.

"Rikishi Phatu, The Rock says get your candy ass down here" Rikishi returns "the Rock says you owe Knoxville a dance" Big Pop, or course. Rikishi turns to Earl Hebner and motions for his shades, and the look on earl's face is priceless as he produces the shades with a big shit eating grin. And now, THIS IS THE TIME ON THE HOUSE SHOW WHEN WE DANCE. I personally am going batshit and demonstrating how little rhythm I really have in the stands, but the rest of the crowd is eating this up. Rikishi finishes up, and then leaves the ring for The Great One.

The song and dance from here on out was pretty similar to the one CRZ got after RAW. Only a few differences. After mentioning all the pies, the Rock turned some guy in the crowd and said "no not chocolate jabronie!" to a big pop. Also, somebody made the mistake of "interrupting the rock, and not even introducing himself" So since EVERYONE knew what was coming, including the guy rocky chose to pick on, the guy said nothing. Rock backed off, swearing that we wouldn't say anything, even spreading his arms in the "I'm not doing anything motion" Of course as soon as the guy opened his mouth "It doesn't matter what your name is!" He thanked us for making his book number one in record time. (I ignored that, since I didn't buy the damn thing) Then he added "The Rock has been a lot of damn places, all over the world, and he can honestly say that Knoxville is one of the hottest damn crowds around." Of course, I was the only one who thought to yell back "then give us a FUCKING RAW!" Everyone else just chanted his name. Everything else was the exact same as CRZ's session. 20 damn minutes the Rock worked the crowd like a maestro. (Not The Maestro, a maestro, there is a difference).

My friends and I sat around and watched the crew take the ring down hoping to beat the rush out the door and traffic home. Basically, this is what's wrong with WCW, watching the ring crew work was more entertaining than Nitro. The show was fun, upbeat, and could easily have been televised. The last WCW house show featured Vincent vs. Buff Bagwell in the main event, and I think ended up cancelled. In other words, if the WWF comes to your town go!

On the downside, there were more than a few changes to the card. The outlaws, and Jericho and Chyna were all advertised to be there, but none showed. Kinda disappointing, but oh well. I was more bummed about the absence of the "Jerichoholic" and "Poontang Pie" Shirts, as well as the acolytes "Hells Henchman" shirts not being available in XXL so I couldn't get one. But still 35 bucks well spent.

See ya'll around

Michael Cunningham

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