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WWE in Toronto


Guest columnist: BrewGuy


Air Canada Centre
Toronto, ON

Ok, here we go - I apologize ahead of time for not remembering all the dark match guys' name - my memory sucks, and it's pretty hard to hear the name clearly on the PA system from the second row. Also, just so's ya know, I am all over this show like white on rice - I'll be the rather large guy in the black shirt on the very left-hand side of your TV screen making an ass of himself but having a super-great time.

Dark Matches:

1) Charlie Haas and a guy who's name I didn't catch beat Bull Buchanon and a guy with crossbones on his tights. Bull looks WAY different - he's in excellent shape, and now has dark purple trunks with "BB" on the side. Nothing terribly fancy here - pretty short match. Bull did well drawing heat as the heel.

2) Scott Vick defeated "Textbook" From Toronto - That's not his actual name, but he had "Textbook" on the back of his trunks (that's not a bad gimmick - "Textbook" suplex, "Textbook" clothesline, etc). Vick looked very good and had a cool finisher, similar to the one Mike Modest used on Beyond The Mat.

3) The Big Valbowski defeated Shelton Benjamin. Both guys started as faces, then Shelton turned with the old "shake hands into a clothesline" trick. Val won with his modified leg lock. Both guys went at it really hard - very few rest holds - and looked very good. One spot was blown, simply because the pace of the match was so fast, I think, but nothing to complain about at all here.

Velocity Matches:

Tajiri defeated Sho Funaki with the Kick Of Death. Funaki (whose trunks now have the SmackDown! logo) told Tajiri beforehand that if he didn't make so many ugly faces, people would like him better here. Good stuff from both guys here, including the most awesome looking back thrust kick that I've ever seen from Tajiri.

Albert defeated A Guy From Toronto (I think his last name was "Cruise"). Albert cut a promo saying how all see saw were fat, out-of shape losers who weren't as sexy as him. He even pointed out a rather large individual who was on the opposite side of the ring from me, who played up to Albert by "flexing". Albert won with the axe kick - came back after the match and delivered the Baldo Bomb for good measure.

Crash defeated Shannon Moore by using the ropes for leverage during the pin. Both guys looked good, but Shannon's gotta work on his "emotions" - he was kicking the rope to show his frustration, but he looked about as frustrated as a guy who just won the lottery. Good match though - Crash looked great.

Before SmackDown started, we got a "house promo" on the TitanTron with D-Von and Ron Simmons stating how us Canadians hated "their kind....Americans." They ran down Canada and were sure to insult Canadian beer, which naturally got the loudest reaction.


Show starts with a replay of the girl (I forget her name - Tracy?) claiming she slept with Taker and the slap across the face while Brock and Heyman watch gleefully. A little PYRO (yes, we got PYRO), and SmackDown was underway!

Edge and Rey Mysterio defeated Ron Simmons and D-Von to advance in the Tag Team tourney - Edge nailed D-Von with the Edge-a-cution for the pin. After the match, the Guerreros ran out and beat down Edge and Rey.

Backstage, Funaki (SmackDown!'s, #1 Announcer) is with Tajiri, who is the special guest referee for Nidia vs. Noble. Nidia came on to Tajiri, Jamie Noble came into the picture, words were exchanged, and Nidia cuffed him one.

Jamie Noble defeated Nidia - Tajiri was the special referee. Nidia went for a few quick pins while Noble was telling her to stop all this, but Jamie eventually gets the pin. Afterwards, Nidia slaps Tajiri. This pisses Tajiri off, but Noble comes to her rescue and they both beat him down. After word they kiss and made up (a whole lot).

"Tracy" is backstage with Steph, Brock, and Heyman. She was still pissed at Taker, and claimed that he slept with her less than 10 days ago. Steph said it's obvious she has no respect for anybody, so she threw her out of the building. Heyman and Brock request that she order Taker to remove the cast for the No Mercy match, as it's an unfair advantage and pointed to the fact that he's been using it as an offensive weapon. Steph said she'd take it into consideration.

Taker cut a "serious" promo, and confessed that he actually DID know the girl from last week, but didn't give any specific details on how he knew her - at least, if he did, I couldn't hear it. He was upset about having to deal with personal issues and went on to claim that Brock will pay at No Mercy.

Meanwhile, John Cena does a quickie interview, claiming that it was not he who got pinned last week, it was Kidman - so it's not his fault they lost. They'll have a match tonight.

John Cena (wearing blue and white Maple Leaf colours) beat Billy Kidman by CHEATING TO WIN and using the ropes for leverage on the pin. Match was quite long and decent, but pretty quiet heat-wise. Cena was the total heel here, and looked good in doing it. You'll see me slipping the Mattitude sign in here a few times during the slow spots. :)

Brock Lesnar defeated Chuck with the F5. Chuck bled (hardway I'm pretty sure) from the mouth in a good, hard-fought match. After the match, Taker came down and nailed Brock with a big boot, beat him down, then SMOKED him with the cast, busting him open. Several refs and "officials" (the one "official" in the WWE shirt who gets nailed by Taker was "Textbook" from the dark match) took a beating here.

Heyman goes into Steph's office and tells her that Brock is getting stitched up because of what Taker just did and DEMANDED that the cast come off. Steph reiterated that she'll answer that question later.

In the next segment, Taker comes in, and he's pissed about maybe having to take the cast off. Steph says he has been using it as an offensive weapon. Taker says that Steph (and Brock and Heyman) have no idea how offensive he can be, and DESTROYS a lamp in Steph's office with the cast.

Torrie Wilson (dressed all in white and looking rather nipply) is getting ready for her mixed-tag match when she spots her father again. Torrie says she saw Dawn give him the key to her hotel. Torrie's dad responds by giving her flowers. Torrie is happy, gives daddy a big hug, and gives the flowers to Jan the make-up girl to hold on to.

Dawn Marie and Matt Hardy beat Torrie and Rikishi when Dawn pinned Torrie. Matt interfered and ensured that Dawn got the pin, knocking down Rikishi with the ref's back turned. Keesh delivered a double-stinkface to Dawn and Matt. Later, Keesh was gonna do it again when Torrie said she wanted to do it. So, Rikishi let her - Torrie pretended to get ready - Matt is freaking out with happiness and closes his eyes - and Keesh takes her place and stinkfaces him. The "Mattitude" sign is ALL OVER this match.

After the match, Torrie is backstage looking for her dad. She goes looking for the flowers, but Jan informs her that the flowers weren't for her - they were for Dawn Marie. Torrie goes looking for her dad - enters the women's locker room - sees her dad's coat lying there - enters the shower, and sees a rather naked Dawn Marie (naturally her back is to us) pressed up against a fully-clothed and a little embarassed Torrie's father. Torrie is NOT happy, and runs out. Meanwhile, Dawn now hides behind Torrie's dad. Torrie's dad just looked kinda stunned through this - but hey, he had a naked Dawn Marie in front of him - you'd be distracted, too.

Eddie and Chavo go into their dressing room to find Chris Benoit waiting for them. Eddie cuts an AWESOME (and very funny) promo about Benoit blaming them for the beatdown. He even mentions his own "personal problems and demons" and how Chris was there for him. He then cries on Chris' shoulder. Chris is not amused. Chavo hugs him and says "HOW COULD YOU?" Benoit doesn't say a word. MEGA-funny stuff, and Eddy absolutely ruled the world in this promo.

After the break, Benoit is face to face with Angle. Angle says it wasn't him who beat him down. If he wanted to beat him down, he'd do it to his face. Again, Benoit doesn't utter a word.

Kurt Angle and Chris Benoit defeated the Guerreros in the main event to advance to the finals. Before the match started, Rey and Edge ran down and punked out Eddy and Chavo. As you would expect, a really great match - everybody looked terrific. The really strange thing was, Angle was MEGA-OVER. The crowd was DYING to see him in the ring. They only acknowledged Benoit during his entrance - he did the majority of the wrestling while the crowd chanted "We Want Angle". Very surprising. Finish comes when Chavo gets a chair, but Benoit catches him - smirks, and appears to join their side. Chavo hands him the chair....Benoit looks at Angle, and whacks Chavo, then whacks Eddy on the back. Angle nails the Angle Slam, and gets the pin - they'll meet Edge and Rey at No Mercy.

Paul goes back to Steph and says he wants an answer. Steph says she's gonna do it publicly. Steph comes out, and asks Brock and Paul to join her. After saying some of the pros and cons, Steph decides that Taker WILL be allowed to wear the cast. Brock is NOT happy at this. Steph goes to leave - Brock stops her and backs her into a corner. Their faces are inches away - Brock eerily smells the purfume on both sides of her neck - looks like he's about to either kiss her or punk her out when Taker comes down again and heads for Brock, but Brock sees him coming and nails him with a spinebuster. Taker eventually recovers and lays another beating on Brock AND Heyman, who bled big-time from the head. Brock backed up the ramp while Heyman laid dead to the world in the corner - Taker held up the bloody cast, and the show ends.

After The Tapes Stopped

Taker went around the ring a few times, lookin' around, then slowwwwwly made his way up the ramp - did the one hand salute, started to leave, then saw Heyman still lying in the corner. Taker comes back, circles the ring, gets back in the ring...then decides to leave Heyman alone - he starts to leave the ring when Heyman shouts "YOU SON OF A BITCH!" Whoops. So, Taker stops, heads over, and helps Heyman to his feet. Heyman is begging for mercy. Taker goes over, picks up Heyman's hat - puts it on his head - then promptly chokeslams him into oblivion. His music plays, and he left, leaving Heyman dead to the world. Heyman VERY slowly sarts coming around, and the ref decides to give him a wedgie to get him moving. He then holds a mic to Heyman's mouth. Heyman keeps repeating "Ow..." whil the crowd yells "WHAT?" After about 12 "OW"s (and what's), Heyman starts slowly trying to say something else. "I....(what?).....I....(what?)......I (what?).......I hate.....(what?)....I hate....(what?)......I hate Canada.". Big boos for THAT. Tony Chimel thanks us all for coming, but Heyman's still backing up the ramp with a mic afterwards. He slowwwwwly drags himself up the ramp (still with the big bloodstain on his face) while saying things like "I could kick any one of your asses right now", and "New Yorkers are not assholes". Awesome stuff from Paul.

Other little notes:

  • There was a very loud guy a few rows behind us who was riding Tony Chimel all evening. Chimel fired back with some pretty funny and not-exactly-PC comments every now and then - great stuff. Once, while doing this, Jimmy Corderas got behind Chimel and made the "he sucks dick" motion with his hand - really funny stuff.

  • During the Edge/Rey/D-Von/Simmons match, some guys chanted "416" at Edge (that's one of Toronto's area codes). Edge turned his head and shot the guys chanting it an absolutely priceless "oh puh-leeeze" look for a split second before going back to concentrating on the match. Really funny stuff.

    Stuff about ME:

    During the start of Velocity and SmackDown, I am pleased to report that a WWE photographer took MANY, MANY photographs of the "Mattitude" sign that I brought (you can see the sign here). So, hey, who knows - maybe it'll become a T-shirt yet. You'll definately see the sign during the Matt Hardy/Rikishi mixed match, and probably during the Cena/Kidman match, as well as a couple times during Velocity. What you WILL see all night is ME, on the left-hand side of your TV screen, hamming it up like a crazy person. So, feel free to tell me what an utter goof I looked like, because I assure you, I will look like one - especially at a choice time when I decided to do a quick Eddy "pound-the-chest and say 'Esse Vato' really loud" impersonation while he's climbing the ropes for a frog splash when I noticed that I was on camera the whole time time. Should be really funny.

    Bottom line, if you ever get a chance to get ringside tickets, do it - it's abslutely worth it. No obstructed view, you interact with the wrestlers a little, and if you're opposite the camera like I am, you get to make a total fool of yourself on TV and have a great time while doing it. A great time had by all, to be sure.

    [slash] wrestling

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