/WWF in Cincinnati
|WWF in Cincinnati
|by: Joel Boutiere
Just got back from Smackdown at the Gardens for the Heat/Smackdown tapings.
Nothing much monumental happened, but all in all a good show. Here's your
"Superman" Steve Langly defeats Johnny Swinger
Papi Chulo defeated Tom Powers
Michael Cole and Kevin Kelly come down to "Welcome to the Jungle" to start Heat.
Starts with Bradshaw getting some water from a cooler while Kaientai (Taka and Funaki) stand nearby. Brashaw bumps into Funaki, the three have some words, then Taka and Funaki jump Bradshaw and get a few shots in before running off.
Headbangers defeated Val Venis & Shawn Stasiak
Rikishi Fatu defeated Tracey Smothers
D-Von Dudley defeated D'lo Brown
At this point, the annoucer came in the ring and said that Kaientai had challenged the Acolytes to a "technical" match.
Kaientai defeated Acolytes by DQ
After this, they lowered the banners for Smackdown, but then put them right back up: apparently, they didn't get the "wild crowd" shot for the opening of Heat. So they asked us to start cheering and holding up signs and stuff. Then they put the Smackdown banners back down and Jerry Lawler came down to his royal theme music to announce for Smackdown.
Show starts backstage with DX beating on Brisco and Patterson. HHH tells Pat to let Vince know that Vince was the one who made it personal.
After the theme song, we go backstage again. Vince and his family has found Pat & Gerry all bruised up. Pat delivers the message to Vince, and Vince says he wants to see HHH right now.
Match 1: Too Cool defeated Edge & Christian
After the match, we see Slaughter go to Vince with a message from HHH: he wants Vince to come to him. Vince says he's on his way.
After a break, we see Vince storm up to HHH and chew him out. HHH tells Vince twice to "not make it personal."
Match 2: Kurt Angle defeated Gangrel (with Luna)
We see DX conferring backstage, but I couldn't hear what they were talking about.
Back from break, we see Test playing the new N64 game Wrestlemania 2000 while Stephanie unwraps wedding gifts. Steph has to go out to the car for something, but Test says he'll go get it. Gee, I wonder what will happen next? Sho nuff, Test walks outside and gets ambushed, first by Mr. Ass, then by the rest of DX. They stuff him in the trunk of a car and drive off. HHH remarks, "I hope that's not too personal for Vince."
Match 3: British Bulldog defeats the Godfather to retain the European Title
Backstage, Vince is yelling at HHH again, and Stephanie dashes in and starts beating on HHH (please don't tell me they're going to make Stephanie a wrestler too... oh, wait, they already did) for what he did to Test. Vince says to call the cops, and HHH threatens Stephanie.
Still backstage, Viscera starts coming on to Tori. Damn, Viscera sounds just like Barry White, and he's got the same figure, too! Of course, Tori's knight in red and black armor, Kane, comes to the rescue.
Match 4: The Big Show beat Hardcore Holly (with Crash Holly) to retain the
Outside, Vince and Shane have found Test, whose nose is broken again (after the show, I made the observation that, if Test breaks his nose many more times, we may not be able to tell him from Triple H!) They help Test back to the building.
Match 5: Kane (with Tori) defeated Viscera
Backstage, Triple H, laughing to himself, walks up to Vince's door and knocks. He "apologizes" for everything that's gone on before and offers Test a wedding present. It didn't stay on screen for long, and I couldn't tell what the hell it was. It was black, and looked kind of like a steering wheel or something. Whatever it was, it pissed Vince off enough to throw it against the wall and slam the door in Triple H's face. Triple H walked off, still laughing.
For some reason, they did the introductions to the next match, but then did more taped bits. They played a bit where J.R. was on the phone with the detectives investigating the Austin hit and run. He told them to talk to his lawyers, and also said they might want to investigate Jerry Lawler, calling him a certified, "restaurant quality" (what the hell does that mean?!?) ass! They then showed a shot of Lawler at the commentary table, looking mighty teed off at J.R. They then showed the Austin hit and run video again (the idiots in the crowd started cheering like SCSA was actually there... are you people too cheap to get the PPVs and see this stuff?). Then we see McMahon putting a police guard outside his dressing room where Test, Shane, and Stephanie are. He says to not let anyone who doesn't have the last name McMahon in. Aah, but Vince didn't count on the Undertaker recruiting the evil force of ED McMahon to attack and destroy Vince's family.
Sorry, had to do it.
FINALLY, we get back to the match they did the intros for a while ago...
Match 6: Ivory defeated Luna and Jacqueline to retain the Women's
They showed some videos of Mankind and Al Snow in Vegas, apparently for this "UPN Vegas Week" thing. Looked pretty lame.
Now a recap of the Y2J/Chyna feud, starting with the loss at Survivor Series.
Match 7: Your God and Mine, Chris Jericho defeated Mark Henry
We see the Dudleys on the phone backstage, apparently with the detectives. D-Von denies driving the car, than hands the phone to Buh Buh Ray, who says, "Hell, I don't even drive!"
Next we have the barely competant Lillian Garcia interviewing the Rock. Believe it or not, Rock didn't do a single catchphrase in the entire interview, and made a witty and entertaining promo without ever falling back on his old cliches. Yeah, right! If I had wrote that, you would have known these were fake spoilers! Rock does his usual Pavlovian interview, and the fans salivate on cue.
Match 8: The New Age Outlaws defeated the Hardy Boyz to retain the Tag Team Championships
Again, if I was writing fake spoilers, I would have said that the Hardys got their just dues and won the titles in a hard fought, high flying match, and got a major ovation from the crowd. But, we all know who wins in the "Better Workrate" vs. "More Catchphrases" wars here in the WWF, and now in the WCW too! Joy! Anyway, an OK match with the ending pretty much determined by anyone with half a brain after the ref gets bumped. X-Pac runs in and the fans cheer as he screws up the Hardys' chances of winning (goddamn you people, cheer the Hardys. If I had to choose between another awesome match between the Hardys and one of the other COMPETANT tag teams in the WWF, or another "sing along with Road Doggie Dogg" go round, I think my choice is obvious) Anyway, Hardys lose, Outlaws win, the world sucks.
Before the break, we come back to the McMahon clan... hell, just call them the McClan, still in Vince's backstage room. Shane claims he smells something burning. Uh, oh, I think the Rock left what he was cooking on too long!
After the break, we see that McMahon's room has filled with smoke, and everybody runs out coughing.
Match 9: The Rock vs. The Big Bossman (with Prince Albert)
At this point, just about everybody thought the show was over and started leaving. As it turned out, they saved the fifteen minute speech for the end of the show this time instead of the beginning.
Backstage, Vince says he blames DX for the fire. He goes after Triple H, taking the security with him and leaving Shane, Steph, and Test by themselves (umm, can you say bad move?)
Triple H comes out to the ring to the usual chant, and he says that he could be much more of an asshole than he is now if he really wanted to. HHH then does pretty much the same rant he did on Raw, talking about how Vince committed a crime against him, and that Vince made it personal. He claims the reason that Vince doesn't like HHH as champion is because HHH isn't one of Vince's "boys" and that HHH did it all without the big "push." HHH then calls Vince out, telling him to come by himself, without the cops. Vince comes to the ring and takes off his jacket, ready for a fight, but HHH says no way. If Vince attacks HHH, HHH will sue Vince, and besides, if HHH attacked Vince, Vince would fire him anyway. So HHH asks Vince to go to his lawyers and get a contract set up for a match between Vince and HHH at Armageddon. The stip is that if HHH wins, Vince can do nothing against him, including fire him, do anything financial to him or anything. Basically, HHH would be immune to Vince if he wins. He says that it's fitting this match would take place at "Armageddon," because it will be a match to "end it all" between Vince and HHH. Then we get a camera shot backstage, where Test, Shane, and Stephanie are all sitting and laying at the bottom of a staircase, looking like they've been thrown down. Shane and Test were rubbing their arms like they were hurt, and Stephanie actually had a bunch of blood on her forehead, but I don't know if it was fake, or if she actually bladed! (I can see it now... "Your winner, and new WWF Hardcore Champion, Stephanie McMahon!") Vince rushes out to help them, and HHH mocks him, saying he better "watch his step." To close it off, HHH said that he had two words for all the scum in Cincinnati who made him come here to do this show... and I think you know em.