One Year Ago on RAW: After an exciting Dog Show, some exciting squashes by the Steiners and Yokozuna. Also a 16 man battle royale, well, 15. It seems the 15 said they wouldn't compete if Giant Gonzales was allowed entry. This features the exciting chase of Kim Chee by Kamala, all around the building. The battle royal is won by Ramon after he ducks out when Harvey Wippleman brings out Gonzo to throw out the last three men. And in the big match, with a little help from IRS, Ted DiBiase destroys Brutus Beefcake's triumphant return. For an encore, they waffle Beefcake's new face with Schyster's briefcase. Jimmy Hart stays behind to help out the Barber, and Vince teases a Hulk Hogan appearance in the near future. WWF Monday Night RAW, coming to you from the Fernwood Resort in Bushkill, PA 7.2.94 (but taped 31.1) and broadcast on the USA Network. Your hosts are Vince McMahon, Bastion Booger, and all the food Booger can eat. Hype for tonight's big matchup, IRS/Jannetty. The Smoking Scotsmen v. The High Roller and The Greatest Wrestler Alive. - Booger calls Horowitz the Buffalo Bills of the WWF. Both he and Riggins are off, which means the Gunns don't look too good tonight, either. Riggins gets the pin. Here's a short documentary on the ongoing saga of the Brothers Hart. Snaps of the Royal Rumble show Owen's betrayal of brother Bret. Successive "All-American Wrestling" interview snippets, first of Owen (one week ago) and then Bret (yesterday). Vince goes on to compare Owen & Bret to Cain & Abel. Does this mean that someone's getting killed? The Rocket v. The Pope - Owen steps outside to hand his Hitman shades to a lucky youth. At the last minute, he rips them apart in a rage. The lucky youth is unimpressed. Owen gets a submission out of John Paul with the Sharpshooter. Example of Booger's commentary: "Hey, where's my pizza? Boogermaina's running wild!" Promos: ICOPRO (Tatanka), Slim Jim (Savage), Street Fighter 2: Special Championship Edition Sega carts Paul Bearer preaches the religion of the Undertaker. I turned to Joe and said, "he should change his name to Peter." Since he's Catholic, he didn't get it. WWF Fan Festival ad. In the MSG Rotunda the weekend of WMX. A good time will be had by all, apparently. I.R.S. v. Martyr Jannetty - Schyster rushes Jannetty and gets the early advantage. Jannetty ducks a clothesline and delivers two dropkicks. Scoop slam by Jannetty. Shoudlerblock. Schyster goes out. After an eternity, he reenters. Headlock. Duelling 2 counts. Jannetty with drop toe hold into an armbar. After a while with this, Jannetty whips Schyster outside and then follows. We all know this is a dumb move. At least this time Marty manages to drive Irwin's head onto the canvas once before getting thrown into a STEEL ringpost. Luckily, Marty comes to and does one of those slide- beneath-your-waiting-opponent's-legs-and-attempt-the-sunset-flip- for-2 moves. As Les Quebecois make a ring appearance (huh?), we take an ad break. When we come back, Vince shows everything we just missed. It seems that Irwin threw Marty out and then started chatting with referee "Blind" Joey Morella about the price of tea in China or something. The Quebecers did some general pounding while Morella was distracted, then threw him back in. Fortunately, there was only a 2 count, so we didn't have to feel like we missed the end. Sometime-second referee "Blind" Danny Davis comes out and threatens a fine (he made that "money" hand movement with his fingers) if the tag team Champions stick around, so they leave. Let's get back to the action. Irwin is going to the top, but jumps on a boot. Jannetty attempts a small package but only gets 2. Irwin regains the advantage with an abdominal stretch, made all the more damaging with the help of the leverage gained by hanging onto the rope. Of course, Morella doesn't get the idea until the third look back there. Schyster with 2 count. Chinlock. Jannetty comes to and power out, of course. Whip, powerslam by Marty. Out comes Johnny Polo with a cue stick...place your bets, ladies and gentlemen. Jannetty slams Schyster's head to the mat for 2. OK, Razor Ramon is out now. Clothesline for 2 by Jannetty. OK, the Quebecers are back. Are we missing anybody? Jannetty tries a sleeper, but IRS shakes him off, in the ensuing running, Polo trips up Marty. Morella, of course, is dealing with the Ramon sandwich the Quebecers are positioned for. IRS quickly pins Jannetty 1, 2, 3. Ramon comes in and gives a swift atomic drop to Schyster, who disappears. For no good reason, there's a big melee, and it all ends with Ramon giving a razor's edge to Pierre, and Ramon and Jannetty posing. Since IRS has no music, we get to hear Ramon's. Remember, IRS won this match. Oh, now it all makes sense. Ramon and Jannetty want a title shot with those no-good, interfering Quebecers. We'll find out more about this later in the hour. Duane Gill v. Thurman "Spark[e]y" Plugg - The overhead cam? A knee off the top rope? Yeah, right, whatever. Todd Pettengill with *your* WMR. Replay of the "historic" coin toss. Luger vs. Yokozuna. Hart vs. Hart. Hart vs. Champ. Yokozuna and entourage with a Cornette interview. Cornette bemoans the "two- headed coin" Tunney used, and then talks about Luger and ignores Hart completely. New match: Kona Crush vs. Randy Savage, falls count anywhere in the building. After a fall, both men have 60 seconds to get back in the ring, or, well, be the loser. Joe guessed that they'd end up in the Paramount, and Todd's speculation seems to back him up. Kudos to Joe. Crush v. ? Thornberg - The Crush/Savage contract signing will be this Saturday on WWF Mania. You won't want to miss that. Crush wins with a leg drop o' doom. Promos: Mortal Kombat game carts, Bicycle Playing Cards, T2 game carts Vince interviews The Quebecers and Johnny Polo from backstage, 'cause the titles will be on the line at the next RAW. Pierre destroys a wall by punching it, Jacques calls WWF President Jack "Solomon" Tunney a "no good Canadian," and Polo basically does a siren-like wail. That's "siren" as in police car, not female singer. In two weeks: Bret Hart vs. one of the Heavenly Bodies (who?), Razor Ramon & Marty Jannetty vs. The Quebecers for the Tag Team Titles In celebration of the fact that next week MNR is being pre-empted by the Dog Show, Booger is presented with a can of Alpo and a box of Milk Bones. He proceeds to eat the Milk Bones. Just in case you weren't sure you'd remember there's a dog show next week, there's a shot of the Bushwhackers, Mo, Mabel, Doink, and Dink all barking like dogs. Thank God Oscar had the dignity to shun an appearance here. I'm taking next week off, and celebrating the fact that I'm holding the RSPWF Championship Belt. All you people in Europe, don't ask for RAW results next week, ok? There will be no episode of RAW. There will be no results. That's why you won't see any. OK. Christopher Robin Zimmerman / kzim@ucr.edu RSPWF Champion