Let us take you back to last week's episode, where the mighty Earthquake challenges Yokozuna to a match. WWF Monday Night RAW, coming to you from Green Mountain State in Burlington, Vermont 9.5.94 (but taped 26.4) and broadcast on the USA Network. Your hosts are Vince McMahon and Randy Savage, who provide all commentary. rRazor rRamon v. Kwang in a King of the Ring Qualifier - The good... er... bad... er... "bad guy" enters first. Geez, he sure gets a lot of fireworks for being an ex-champeen. Savage picks Kwang to win. Lockup, Kwang with arm bar, Razor reverses, and down goes Kwang. Kwang gets back up and the duelling arm bars continue. Kwang with elbow, Razor responds with a slap. As they go to lockup again, Kwang gets in a kick instead, and then follows up with a barrage of "martial arts" moves. Razor's head meets the corner. "Oh! What a chop!" For no reason, Razor suddently reverses and does some slapping of his own. Razor throws Kwang out, and he immediately gets up to go back in. Ramon drops him again, and he immediately gets back up again. This time, Kwang ducks and drops Razor's neck on the ropes so he can get back in. This manoeuvre is deemed worthy of the Double Feature replay. Kwang gets back in and delivers a superkick, buying him enough time to do the green mist thing. Kwang has his way until putting his head down, and Ramon hits a backslide for 2. Kwang with chop to the throat, followed by a blatant choke. Kwang throws Ramon into the corner, then hits the pole with Razor steps aside. Comeback for Ramon, who begins working on the arm. Non-submission hold...Razor actually tries removing the mask for about a second. Ramon with high cross body for 2, then back to the arm wringer. After a seemingly endless period of time, this whole arm routine is broken when Kwang powers out and delivers a reverse (something) kick. Instead of pinning Ramon, Kwang shakes off his arm injury. Kwang with a non- submission hold of his own. Razor's cut his lip, causing McMahon to deliver a ten minute speech about family viewing, or something. Ramon comes back but runs into a knee with his nose. This reminds Vince to tell us that Ramon broke his nose in the title match with Diesel. As Kwang covers Ramon, seemingly for the pin, we take an ad break. When we come back, Kwang apparently didn't get that pin, because the match is still going on. In fact, Ramon appears to be haivng one of those resurgences. 2 count by Ramon. Ramon simultaneously blocks punches and delivers punches of his own, culminating in a Tornado-esque punch. Ramon sat Kwang on the ropes, but didn't get to deliver the Drop as Kwang knocks him away and dives on him...but Ramon rolls it over for 2. Angered, Kwang once again goes with the superkick. 2 count for Kwang. Ramon comes back with a kneelift, putting Kwang in the position to receive a Razor's Edge. But, Kwang's too heavy or something, because they both come crashing down. Ramon catches himself on the ropes after being whipped, and Kwang kicks air. Ramon tries a second time for the Razor's edge...Kwang is motionless...well, of COURSE he hits it. 1, 2, 3. Razor Ramon is in the King of the Ring Tournament. Promos: ICOPRO (Narcissist), GI Joe Battle Corps, SF2:SCE Sega carts Todd Pettengill with *YOUR* King of the Ring Report. The bracket looks like this: IRS Next week, Sparky Plugg takes on Bam Bam Bigelow. _____ Place your bets. The other big news is that Rowdy |_____ Roddy Piper is taking on the King Jerry Lawler. Ramon|_____| Piper "interview" bears strange resemblance to _____| | Piper's "Bottom Line" segments. |_____ This bracket will look a lot more like _____ _____|_____ real art when it gets more filled in, I _____|_____| promise. Just check out last year's if | | you don't believe me. _____|_____| _____| Crush v. Raymond Roy - Amazingly, Crush and Savage are in the same building and nothing happens. Crush wins with the heart punch, which Roy seems to have no clue as to how to sell. WrestleMania Revenge Tour Dates. Nothing new. It's weird...they go to all the trouble to remove all those banners so the arena looks different, then they do a pan of the arena, and strangely enough, all those banners are magically back in place. Duke "The Dumpster" Droese wants us to stay here, and not to touch the dial, 'cause he's coming soon to the WWF. As much as I'd love to watch USA for weeks and weeks waiting for Droese, I've got better plans. Let us take you back one week plus, as the King interviews Dink. Doink comes out and pastes Dink with assorted foodstuffs. Has Doink reverted to his evil ways? No such luck, it's just Jedoublef Jadoubleredoublet dressed up as Doink. Doink (The Clown) v. Mike Terrace - Even after such a demoralizing attack, Dink is back, all smiles, showing NO effects. Luckily, Dubba J is on the phone, saving us from watching this match and getting disgusted. No, I'm still disgusted and I'll tell you why. This match pretty much sums up what I hate about the WWF. Dink cheats, and referee "Blind" Danny Davis doesn't even bother to WARN Doink, much less DQ him like he deserves. Why? 'Cause he's a friggin' good guy, that's why! Geeeeeeeez... Whoopee cushion. Earthquake's scrapbook of Sumo. His record was 24-0. His name was...well, it sounded like Koto-ten-zan, and I'm not even going to TRY to spell it. Supposedly, it translates to "(musical instrument)- heaven-mountain". Anyway, if you made it through this pictorial without laughing, you're a stronger man than I ("man" being used in its strictest nongenderoriented sense, of course). The King's Court with the Yokozuna clan. Of course, Lawler gets to take his turn trashing Piper, which takes a while. Cornette does a lot of laughing about the previous Sumo business, what with having this yokozuna in the ring and all. So now, Yokozuna doesn't really have a name, right? Completely ignoring my logic, Cornette has decided that the best way to settle this little mini-feud with a WWF-style Sumo rules match. (Joe has decided that "WWF-style" means "booked.") Yokozuna is chewing gum, by the way. Anyway, they're going to remove the ropes and do the Sumo thing. Lawler repeatedly calls Earthquake "a coward," which means we'll probably be seeing that match next week. Oh, my! Another Undertaker sighting! It's all true! I'm a believer now! Mabel (on a Mission) v. Mike Bell - Vince tells us that the winner of this weekend's "Superstars" KotR qualifier (Mabel vs. Pierre) will take on I.R.S in the first round of the tourney. Well, see ya Mabel. At least he won tonight, eh? Promos: NBA Jam carts, Slim Jim (Savage), MK carts The King is backstage with Earthquake. Yeah, there's a big sumo match next week. If this doesn't make you want to tune in, nothing will. 'Quake's gonna kick....his....butt. Next week: The big Sumo match, Plugg/Bigelow for KotR entry Christopher Robin Zimmerman / zimmerma@ucrengr.ucr.edu