by Christopher Robin Zimmerman
WrestleLine/WrestleManiacs
QUICK QUOTE: AOL 58 (- 3/4), TWX 85 (+ 3/8), SPLN 19 1/16 (+7 7/16)
Stories of pride and passion - of killers and kings - of this'n'that'n'the
other thing - hey where the hell is Nitro? I didn't tune in to see this
kind of network GRANDSTANDING!! ***THAT'S WHAT UPN IS FOR!!!!***
Ahh, THERE'S your WCW logo
TV-14-DL (no "V" means no "wrestling") - Highlight package from last week -
or should I put that word in quotes? There was a close captioned symbol in
here - also the phrase "slap your nuts" was not muted. They chose to give
us the magic phone AND the rappel...interesting choices...
Opening Logo
Vampiro and Sting are brawling backstage! My God! My God! Hey! For no
apparent reason, Bam Bam Bigelow's back there, too! Oops! NO, see we're
not SUPPOSED to see him - DON'T track with Bigelow! He's not IN this
scene! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO oh well
Light the lights - PYRO IS EXPENSIVE AND WE ARE LIVE from the Blue Cross
Arena in Rochester, NY 24.4.2K, broadcast on TNT - THIS - IS - MYNDY NYTRY!
WORLD HARDCORE TITLE MATCH: TERRY FUNK v. TRIPPA B - why, what a shock -
Bigelow's in this match! We go a whopping SIX SECONDS before THE NEW
GODFATHER OF SOUL runs out to attempt to run in with some weak garbage can
lid shots before being put out of the picture. "Beyond the Mat" is
mentioned by way of burying Funk - I mean, putting over his INCREDIBLE
resilience. Whoops, the sign police are out and wandering the front row -
change cameras! For some reason, Cat cartwheel kicks *Bigelow*, and Funk -
who's wearing a trash can, by the way - pins him. (1:59) If you wanted
more play-by-play, perhaps you should have booked this match as well. Post
match, Cat gets in the ring. More damage to Bigelow? Gonna get a piece of
Funk? No, he...asks them to play his music so he can dance. Obviously,
the feedback came back to the people in charge of this show, and it
overwhelmingly said "start the show with a match." So, they gave us this -
I wonder who thought THIS would qualify...
Your hosts are TONY SCHIAVONE, SCOTT HUDSON & PUTS CRZ OVER IN CHAT ROOMS -
last week, we went off the air because we simply couldn't stay one second
past two minutes of overtime - anyway, they've got the footage THIS week,
and that footage *plainly* shows that Hart hit........Hogan. This week on
Thunder, an exclusive interview with Hart taped from Calgary! That's
right, you get NOTHING for two days and you'll LIKE it! But for tonight...
BILLY KIDMAN & TORRIE SAMUDA walk out to the ring. Kidman gives a
respectful pause in an attempt to cultivate a following - or some boos, who
can say. "Hulk Hogan - last week, I dared you to meet me in the parking
lot so we can settle it man to man. And what did you do? I'll tell you
what you did. You realised that Billy Kidman is more of a man than you
could ever handle. And that's why you tried to run me over with the
Hummer. Well, you damn near killed me - and I'm here tonight. So if you
think that these people still wanna see the red and yellow - well, I'll
tell you what, TERRY. You bring the yellow, and I'll supply the red - your
blood. Because tonight, I start it, and at Slamboree I finish it -
BROTHER." Kidman holds his (taped) ribs for our benefit.
Jarrett, Bischoff and Kimberly are WALKING! Bischoff stops by a monitor
and asks it "what the hell is Kidman up to? Is he out of his mind?" Kim
asks how she looks and Eric suggests she lose the jacket - or was that me
just daydreaming?
Back in the office, Norman Smiley tries to state his case for Vince Russo -
all he wants is one chance to win the hardcore championship. Russo says to
pick a partner of his choice, and they'll take on Terry Funk for the
hardcore title at Slamboree. Huh? Russo: "What a goof..."
JEDOUBLEREDOUBLE JADOUBLEREDOUBLET leads out CRACKA EAZY-E & KIMBRRLY (sans
jacket - hoo-ah!) to the ring. Kimberly carries some giant breasts - I
mean, papers - with her. She's bustier - I mean, wearing a bustier...
Bischoff is wearing a mic on his lapel, because he's TOO COOL to have to
carry a mic in his hands. Oh boy! DAVID ARQUETTE in the front row!
He has issues with the folks in the ring! "So DDP - you wanna be a movie
star. Well at Slamboree, I'm gonna give you the chance to star in my own
movie, and the title is
The Chose One kicks DDP's Ass Up and Down a Three-tiered Cage. Now,
for those of you who didn't get a chance to see Ready to Rumble, I'm
gonna give you a little sample of what to expect...so roll the footage."
They roll the footage. "Not one, not two, but three tiers, and the WCW
title's gonna be up there Page, so all you have to do is run up there and
grab it. That's what you can expect, but this time, there ain't gonna be
no damn stuntman. It's gonna be your own bar-bouncin', wrinkled up ass
eatin' three stories of chainlink fence - rung to rung, top to bottom, side
to side, I'm gonna beat your ass AND neglect it, just like you did your
lovely wife Kimberly!" Bischoff's lapel mic, appears to not be working for
the live audience - Jarrett tries to offer his mic, but it's pushed away
before the feedback kicks in. Say, what's so special about Bischoff that
he doesn't have to speak into a microphone like everyone else? Kimberly's
breasts are quite hypnotic, aren't they? Anyway, Bischoff called him out,
I think, so here's DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE walking out to offer rebuttal.
"Kill it. Kimberly, what the hell are you thinking o' hanging out with
these two jagoffs?" "Because...HONEY...for once, I am finally in the
driver's seat. You know, I used to think that you and I had something
pretty special. But, ah, Eric over here enlightened me to a lot of things
- about MY career, about these...wrestling fans, these STUPID wrestling
MARKS! But most of all, but most of all, he enlightened me about you - and
I'm sorry honey, but as far as you're concerned, I want out." "Out - outta
what?" "I want out of this marriage - I want a divorce, I've got the
papers for you to sign." "A divorce? What are you, out of your friggin'
mind? Aight, baby, c'mon - we can work this out. Aright? We can work
this out." "I don't wanna work this out." "What do you think, I'm just
gonna walk away from this, huh?" "Page - please don't beg - you're
embarrassing yourself...you know, it really isn't as bad as all that...I
mean, c'mon - hey, BE positive." "Be positive of what, you lost your mind?
Or be positive that you turned into some kinda SUPER BITCH." Bischoff:
"Settle down - settle down, let's be civilised here, no need for attorneys,
no need for a scene." Bischoff's talking into the mic - good for him.
"You want me to sign the papers, baby? You want me to sign the papers? I
tell you what - I'll sign these papers...(turning to Bischoff) as soon as I
shove 'em down your throat and pull 'em out URANUS!" Well, I *think*
that's what he said. Anyway, before he can manhandle Bischoff, Jarrett is
up from behind with the gee-tar - KABONG! David Arquette jumps the ring
and tries to work over Bischoff - Jarrett over to even it up...now CHRIS
KANYON is out and taking out Jarrett - and the ring is cleared. "WHAT hit
me?" says Bischoff several times, for effect. "Arquette? David Arquette?
Mr. Courtney Cox? YOU did that to ME? You come to my house and embarrass
me in front of my fans? Who the hell do you think you are? You wanna get
in the ring? You get in the ring with me! ME!" "All right - all right,
Eric - it's a deal! I'm gonna 1-800-KICK-YO-BUTT! And I'll tell you
something else, let's make it a little interesting. If I pin you in the
ring tonight, DDP gets a shot at Jeff Jarrett for the title, tonight, in
the cage! In the cage, baby!" "You want it? You got it! I am gonna tear
your head up tonight!" Jarrett expresses a bit of disapproval at Bischoff
agreeing to that. Page, Kanyon and Arquette get chummy in the ring.
Meanwhile, Russo is accosted by Brian & Bryan. "We want a title shot - and
we want it tonight!" Hey, Clarke's not a mute anymore. Russo says they'll
get the title shot, but he's got something for them to do first...
Promotional consideration paid for by Slim Jim (no Savage), Geico, Geico
again, Toaster Breaks from Hot Pockets, and America (ha!) Online!
HERE'S YOUR SOUNDBITE, LARRY: "Ready to Rumble," the movie on which WCW is
placing a major chunk of storyline action, earned a rather paltry $994,671
over its third weekend in release - earning it *18th* place on the earnings
list. In WCW, this is what they call "striking while the iron is hot."
Thank you! I'll be here all week!
Who's bringing the close captioning? MEINEKE, that's who!
Here's a replay of the kabong, the almost instantaneous run-in by Arquette
(who hits like a girl), the shove by Jarrett, the run-in by
Kanyon...whoops, can't show that - cut to
Jeff Jarrett asks Eric Bischoff if he's lost his mind. Bischoff says it's
only David Arquette (no big deal), and they've got other, bigger problems.
Then he asks him to go fetch Kidman.
Meanwhile, Sting is WALKING! And he's looking for Vampiro! Hey, maybe
this will last the whole two hours like Hogan looking for Kidman - or Hogan
looking for Bischoff - or or or...
"HARD KNOX" CHRIS CANDIDO & SUNNY DONNA v. THE ACRONYM & PAISLEY - Tammy
gets no chyron luv - maybe they haven't figured out what they'll call her
yet? She DOES get THE STICK, however: "Hey y'all, didja miss me? Y'know,
it's about time WCW brought in a REAL lady that knows how to titillate all
the guys out there. And Paisley, you can learn a thing or two from me,
because honey, you obviously have no idea what the men here want to see -
I'M BACK." And she removes the coat to reveal - a black and white
Body Donnas cheerleader outfit! AND A GIANT....whoops, sorry. Say, did
her voice get about three octaves lower when I wasn't paying attention?
The men start with cruiserweight punching. Into the ropes, up and over,
leapfrog, switch, collision in the centre of the ring - both women come in
- staredown - each woman covers her male opponent - 1, 2, both men kick out
- and both women land on referee "Blind" Mickie Jay, knocking him out (oh
for the love of...) - both women having words - there's the rollaround.
Jay trying to pull them apart (lucky bastard? I guess) - he's got Paisley,
so Tammy climbs to the top turnbuckle and leaps onto Candido and Artist on
the floor! Artist makes it back in, grabs Tammy and puts her in the half
hour suplex position - making sure we get a good gander at her thong (I
could go for something Jell-O) - but Candido manages to tag Artist from
behind, causing him to fall into a rollup from Tammy! 1, 2, kickout! All
four folks in the ring, now - Tammy holding Artist for Candido, but his
clothesline misses Artist, AND Tammy...but not Paisley. Artist with a
right for Candido, and again they're outside the ring. Tammy mounting
Paisley following a Val Venis impersonation - 1, 2, 3. (1:54)
Wow! Sting is still WALKING! With INTENSITY!
We cut back to Tammy trying to look sexy - good Lord, she's the new Missy
Hyatt! Well, now Metallica plays and out bounds (THIS IS) STING, walking
to the ring (with music and lighting) - Candido gets a Scorpion Death Drop.
Why? Maybe he'll take the mic and splain it to us. "Iiiiiiiiiiiiit's
SHOWTIME! Vampiro - you little punk, you little kid, you little wimp. You
and I need to have another conversation. You learn pretty quick, but I
want you back out here tonight because it's Monday NITRO! And I figure
since you are VamPYRO, the vampire, why don't we just make this match a
FIRST BLUUD match - see ya in a while, Vamp!" Now play the Metallica!
Hey, what about Candido?
Kanyon and Page pump Arquette up. "I've always wanted to wrestle, man!
I'm gonna kill him! I'm gonna kill him!" Then, I think he makes a joke,
but they fade out and I can't hear them over the music anyway - maybe
something about clothes? I dunno
By the way, I didn't get to it during the "action" of the previous match,
but it was announced that Arquette/Bischoff is going to lead off the second
hour.
Arquette/Bischoff is going to be on when RAW starts.
Arquette/Bischoff is going to air at the top of the hour.
When the opposition's program starts, the counterprogramming will be the
match between David Arquette and Eric Bischoff.
Hoo boy...
Moments Ago, Sting came out and Slop Dropped Candido, because he wanted to
issue a First Blood challenge to Vampiro. No, REALLY - that's how it went
down! No foolin'!
Not only is tonight shaping up to be one of the biggest, most thrilling
Monday nights in the history of Nitro (guess who said THAT one)...at the
top of the hour, David Arquette will take on Eric Bischoff!
TEAM PACKAGE (with Liz) v. KRONIC - Yep, they're gonna spell it THAT way -
remember, friends, you can TRADEMARK misspellings! They still have that
REALLY COOL music, by the way. For the second time tonight, commentators
hype up Bischoff's martial arts skills. Pier Four Brawl breaks out - MISS
HANCOCK comes out approximately thirteen seconds into the matchup - see,
you have to do that when you only get two minutes to have the match. BUFF
IS THE STUFF also provides a run-in - Liz keeps him and his bat away from
Package, but referee "Blind" Charles Robinson is distracted watching all
this, and they miss SHANE DOUGLAS taking HIS bat to Flair. Kronic hits
their version of the double uranage, now known as "High Time," (ooh!
EDGY!) and Flair is covered by Adams for the pin, even though the bell ring
earlier - guess that was a mistake. (1:23) To make up for it, the bell
rings TEN MILLION times post-match. Douglas & Bagwell actually hand their
bats and turn their backs to Brian & Bryan - and then they have the
AUDACITY to be SURPRISED when Kronic goes AFTER them! Ho ho!
"High Time." "Kronic."
GENE O. works tonight! He stands backstage with Vampiro. When will Pepsi
sue him for wearing that shirt? How come Okerlund find him when Sting
can't? "Sting - I know you're watching - you are so weak - you are so old
- you're so WACK - there is nothing more that I would like to do to stick
my fingers in your eye until you bleed like a stuffed pig 'til you scream
like a little BITCH! You're entering my world - and I am sick - and I am
twisted - and I'm a little freaky - and I'm about to have a panic attack.
I can't stand things like this! Sting - like the spider said to the
fly...come - heh heh heh heh heh - come into my web, boy!"
Meanwhile, Bischoff takes Kidman to task for making his own matches without
going through them first. Was that Awesome back there?
Gene O. stands with Bischoff, Page, Torrie, Kidman, and Awesome. Go
figure - Bischoff does the talking - Mike Awesome will provide the
protection tonight, teaming up with Kidman. Bischoff tells Hogan to get a
partner to take on Kidman and Awesome tonight. Since he's burned all those
bridges in the locker room, he anticipates him NOT finding a partner. For
an encore, Bischoff announces that at Slamboree, there'll be a special
guest referee in the Kidman/Hogan match: namely, himself. "Do you hear
that? Do you hear that sound? Da ya hear it? It's the sound of your
career coming to an end - BROTHER!" Funny, I thought it was the sound of
the Slamboree buyrate NOT going up.
JOBBED TO JOBBED TO JOBBED TO JUSTIN CREDIBLE and BILLY KIDMAN (with Torrie
Samuda) v. YOU KNOW WHO & ? - Mike Awesome powerwalks out like the world's
largest nebbish. Kidman comes out in Hogan shirt and mocking the standard
Hogan posedown. It is announced that Team Package was sent out for
observation due to their tremendous injuries...bats'll do that. Hey, is
that OCTAGON in the crowd? Oh, no it's just some guy in a mask - sorry.
Got excited for nothing, there. I'm gonna guess that Hogan's partner will
be......Sid? Hogan wears a vest with "Bollea" on the lapel (unfortunately,
turned downward so no one can read it but me) and "F.U.N.B." on the back.
"The N.B. stands for New Blood - YOU figure out what the F.U. stands for!"
Hogan, because he's Hogan, clears the ring of both men despite a brutal
doubleteam that lasts a good fifteen seconds, then he goes outside.
Awesome tries to get it back, but Hogan's a man possessed. Back in the
ring with Awesome, and Kidman deciding to hang back. It's a big
clothesline! Hogan's weight belt is off - whip! Whip! Whip! And now
he's choking him with it and punching away. Kidman drops off the apron
when Hogan approaches. Awesome kicking back - whip attempt - Hogan holds
on - NOW he goes to the opposite corner - but the boot is up. Backdrop
suplex! Choke! Referee "Blind" Billy Silverman tells him to break the
choke, so he goes for the weight belt again - Kidman drops to the floor
again, then remembers to hold his ribs to tell us a story. Choke with the
weight belt combined with a vicious face rake. Crowd chanting "Hogan,"
yup. Awesome has the belt - Hogan with a right, Awesome with a right with
the buckle of the belt, buckle, buckle, buckle, buckle, buckle, losing the
belt, right, right, right, right, Hogan's trick knee acts up. Clothesline
from Hogan. Hogan mounts Awesome, right, right, right, right, right,
right, right, right, right, right - crowd counts to ten here. Another
lunge at Kidman, another drop to the floor. Awesome tries to bull Hogan
into the corner. Right, right, right, Kidman in to pepper him with rights
and add to the beating. Crowd boos. Awesome with a right that drops Hogan
- elbowdrop - 1, 2, no. Double whip into the ropes, Hogan ducks and double
clotheslines both men. Kidman rolls out. Right, right, right, winding up
- big right, Awesome goes down. Double chop to the throat by Hogan. Now
we're up in the corner for a ten punch count along - I wonder if he'll stop
at nine and munch on him - whoops, Kidman in from behind to break it up at
seven. Right is blocked, Hogan puts him down with one, and to the floor
with a second - Awesome spins him around, right, kick, splash - 1, 2,
kickout. Awesome with the belt - whip! Whip! Whip! Whip! Whip! Whip!
Hogan goes to the eyes. BACK RAKE! Into the ropes, big boot! It's so
funny to listen to the Mark bury his own product in the hopes of sounding
cool. Scoop and a slam - elbowdrop, elbowdrop, standing on the face.
Motioning to Kidman, who won't get any closer than just off the floor.
Another face rake, and Hogan puts him to the outside - but Awesome's on his
feet. Hogan outside, shove, right, head to the commentary table, big-time
face rake, bringing him over to make a point, into the ringpost, Awesome
with a face rake, clubbing blows - whip is reversed and Awesome hits the
barricade. Eyepoke by Awesome - Kidman over with a WHACK of the chair.
Let's give Hogan credit - he bladed off camera this time. Both men stomp
on Hogan, punches, crowd chanting "Ho Gan" - rolled back in the ring -
Kidman has the belt - WHIP! Whip! Clubbing blow, Awesome beats him down,
Kidman mounts him and punches away while Awesome goes hunting for
furniture. Table is out and brought into the ring while Kidman stomps on
him. The table is set up while Kidman works over Hogan with punches and
kicks. Awesome has him - Awesome Bomb through the table! We cut
backstage to see Kevin Nash walking around - he checks out the monitor...
back to the ring, and Awesome is getting ANOTHER table while Kidman punches
and kicks at will. Hogan trying to pull himself up as this table is set
up. Why's Torrie in the ring? Hogan put on the table (it's almost ready
to break now) - Kidman on the top turnbuckle - there's a splash from the
top, Awesome helping to push him down so that it breaks - so cleanly, too!
Kidman rips off his Hulkster shirt, then sells his ribs - call to the crowd
- BIG LEGDROP BY KIDMAN!! 1, 2, 3! (10:46) Torrie plants one on him for
good measure. "Theme from Wolfpac" plays and out walks KEVIN NASH -
Kidman's eyes go wide, Hudson says "oh hell yeah" and Nash takes out both
men (pausing to brush back his hair repeatedly) until unfortunately finding
himself on the wrong end of a Golota - from Torrie Wilson, of all people.
Kidman and Awesome work over Nash - ring that bell! They make a wish with
Nash and the ringpost...and then Awesome grabs a chair and smashes Nash's
formerly and possibly again broken ankle.
Bischoff, Kimberly and Jarrett are WALKING!
Meanwhile, Page, Kanyon and Arquette are WALKING! No, wait, Kanyon's gonna
hang back.
Promotional consideration paid for by Motel 6, Judge Wapner's cash scam,
Western Union Money Transfer, and Hot Pockets from Hot Pockets!
The Castrol GTX replay is the Awesome Bomb on the table and Kidman's
plancha onto Hogan through a table.
CRACKA EAZY-E (with the TV-14-DL ratings box, Kimbrrly, Jedoublef
Jadoubleredoublet, and the theme from "NWO Nitro") v. DAVID ARQUETTE (with
Diamond Dallas Page & Bif Naked's Twisted Sister cover video) - Sign in
Crowd: "Nothing Interesting: Turn Raw On." Arquette takes the time to
scare a child in the front row on his way to the ring. If this quarter
tanks, will Hogan blame Bischoff - or vice versa? This may not mean
anything, but the ref is Mark Johnson. Arquette turns to face Jarrett on
the outside after he grabs his ankle, and Bischoff lands a clubbing forearm
to the back. Martial arts kick, kick, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, standing
on the neck. Bischoff's a little paunchy, ain't he? Arquette spears
Bischoff. Strange, he looks like he's setting up for - holy shit, he IS
doing the Wurm! Crowd knows exactly when to say "HOO HOO HOO," even though
Arquette puts a lot more crotch into his setup... also, he ends it with an
elbowdrop. Cover - 1, 2, Jarrett pulls him out. Something gets muted
here. THEN Page runs in with a clothesline, which unfortunately hits
Johnson when Jarrett arranges for the collision. Then he waffles him with
the title belt. Jarrett gets in the ring with his gee-tar while Arquette
looks on. Pulling up Bischoff (to use as a shield?) but Bischoff gets an
open shot in on his Cox. Now pulling him up to hold him for the inevitable
"Kabong gong wrong" - sure enough, Arquette slips free and Bischoff takes
the brunt of the blow. CHRIS KANYON is back out and taking care of
Jarrett. Mickey Jaye is out...1, 2, 3! (2:10) Only Hogan and Bischoff
get to go over two minutes! The lights go out and the "lightning" effect
interrupts the celebration - why, it's (THIS IS) STING! Up in the rafters!
He's - he's WATCHING!
Thunder ad - guess I don't get out of it this week...
This is a major WCW onsale announcement! Friday, tickets go on sale
for Biloxi (Nitro), Alexandria (taping?), Jackson, Tupelo, and Kalamazoo.
Tix on sale Saturday for Lafayette (Thunder), Grand Rapids (Nitro), and
Saginaw (Thunder).
Moments Ago, two non-wrestlers had a non-wrestling match - dig it. KABONG!
Three angles, why not? Hudson actually says "what ring presence!" when
referring to Arquette. Snicker snicker.
SOME BLONDE interviews Arquette backstage - it's champagne all around.
Where's DDP? He's preparing for his title defense! Err, I think he meant
"title shot." Oh well. That's why he's an actor.
Meanwhile, Gene O. has some words with Jeff Jarrett and Eric Bischoff, who
are doing a lot of arguing. Thankfully, NO liquids are poured over
Okerlund.
BIG POPPA PUMP (and four - no, two hooches) comes to the ring. Let Us Take
You Back to Last Week and Scott Steiner not winning the title, thanks to
Booker's intervention. Steiner's theme is a police siren and a beat. Not
like Saturn's, no - why'd you ask me THAT? Sheesh. There are people who
BEG me to translate Steiner into English - for you, my friends, this
transcript: "You know last night, I had a coupla my freaks call me from
New York City, wantin' a chance to ride a legend - wantin' a chance to roll
with me, so last night at Club Caligula, I was like a roller coaster goin'
up and down, hittin' switches on bitches 'til they call me the Daddy
(that's the Big Bad Booty Daddy). And when I kicked 'em out the door at a
quarter past four, they *believed* there was nothin' finer than Scott
Steiner. But I went there for two reasons - the other one bein' to find
your jive ass, Booker T, because last week you cost me the World
Championship, so this week, it's my payback, and tonight I'm gonna do
something special, 'cause I'm gonna stick this size 12 so far up your (ass)
you're gonna be flossin' with my shoelaces. So, Booker T, I don't care if
you're trying to get on the good side of Eazy E and Vince Russo; in reality
what you did - you got on my bad side. So Booker T, get your ass out here.
C'mon, Booker T, I would rather beat your ass in New York, 'cause Rochester
sucks!" The music comes up and BOOKA T is out in street clothes. "Yo,
listen up, Scott! First of all, this is not Detroit, this is Rochester,
New York!" Crowd: "He said the name of our town!" "Now we take about last
week and what I did, let's not make this personal, brother. What I did
last week - that was business. We had Jeff Jarrett in the back runnin'
around cryin' to Russo, tryin' his best to get out of the match witchoo -
we had Bischoff tellin' me I better do something and do something quick to
get on his good side, so the way I look at it, you was in the wrong place
at the wrong time. But make no mistake, Scotty, I'm not apologising for
what I did. I am my own man, and the way we do it in New York...[removes
jacket]...if we can't get along, we can just get it on." Is it on? "Hold
'em up, hoochie. I don't need you skeezers in my face, I don't need you
puttin' your hands on me, because everybody in this arena knows - if you
put your hands on me, once you go black, you never go back." SLAP! Booker
makes his Stevie Ray face, then grabs Midajah in a choke - Steiner is over
with a forearm and it's on - I guess...Steiner pounds him down, saying
"boy" a couple hundred times - Booker fights back as Tony says they're out
of time for this segment and we have to break away for this break. Oh come
on.
Jimmy Barron phones it in with 1-800-CAL-LATT - Birmingham's BJCC Arena
hosts Nitro next week!
nitrogirls.com ad - you know, they aren't even USING the Nitro Girls, are they?
Moments Ago, the fight continued - this is during the break footage -
Steiner got whipped into the barricade, then security separated them.
Page laces 'em up while Kanyon and Arquette talk him up - he looks kinda
annoyed, actually
Meanwhile, Bagwell and Douglas are ready to leave...but Russo says they
have a match and can't leave - he made a deal and all that. How happy are
Bagwell & Douglas?
WORLD TAG TEAM TITLE: KRONIC v. BUFF BAGWELL and DEAN DOUGLAS (with
Vic Venom) - the cameraman finds a 4:20-pot-leaf sign in the crowd - great.
Just added to (Western Union) Slamboree - Scott Steiner vs. Booker T for
the US title. Several people took me to task for not recognising Deep
Purple when I hear it, sorry. The champs are in street clothes. Venom
taking fourth headset. No opening bell as a Pier Four erupts. Adams and
Bagwell to their corners as Clarke and Douglas - ah hell, let's just flip
ahead to the Russo run-in. Schiavone gets muted for offering "bullshit"
after Bagwell dumps referee "Blind" Nick Patrick to the outside. Kronic
throws out Douglas and hits High Times on Bagwell (called by nobody) -
Russo with the bat on Adams. Clarke looks unhappy, gutshot, setting him up
for the Meltdown in a VERY SLOW, PAINSTAKING manner to Douglas can run
around, grab the bat, and swing it across HIS back. Bagwell takes the bat
to both men - Patrick in to call for the bell but Russo takes the bat to
HIM - then counts a pinfall on Adams for Bagwell. (4:07)
Tank Abbott is WALKING! Yeahbaby!
Sting STILL carries the power of the card!
YEAHBABY TANK YEAHBABY ABBOTT YEAHBABY walks to the ring, putting off our
title match (ha) - Let Us Take You Back Two Weeks where Tank said "call me
Ishmael," and last week to Bruce Wirtz having a pad day. "Cut the music!
You know what, we're going on three shows, Bill Goldberg, and you haven't
been around. In fact, I think you should change your name to Bill
Ghostberg! Let me tell you right now, while you're sittin' at home with
your yellow streak - you look into the camera, you look into my eyes, and
you'll see a real warrior...I'm gonna kick someone's ass tonight because o'
YOU, Bill - bring it on - bring it on. Just remember, Bill, while you're
sitting' at home, this is all on your shoulders...and I'm havin' fun doin'
it." He puts the mic down and looks for a victim. I bet it's somebody
from the WCW.com announce crew...why else would they have it there? The
commentators scatter. Abbott almost gets hold of a floor director, but he
runs off. Aww, shit - not 1 BOB RYDER. Abbott tosses a laptop, grabs
Ryder and muscles him into the ring. What, has Abbot got a fetish for the
fat white guys or something? JEREMY BORASH comes in and climbs on his back
- Abbott looks to be enjoying it - runs him into the corner, back first -
then takes him out with one right. And now Abbott takes out BILL BANKS
with one punch as well. SECURITY decides there isn't anyone else to take -
Schiavone publicly begs for Goldberg to return. I think I can sum this all
up with a sign in the crowd: "WAIT - THIS ISN'T EMERIL LIVE"
DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE v. JEDOUBLEF JADOUBLEREDOUBLET (with Vic Venom)
within the confines of the STEEL cage for the WCW World Heavyweight
Championship - Schiavonen reminds us to stick around for Sting and Vampiro
after this match - man, I actually, honestly DID forget! Page climbs to
the top of the cage for a quick pose. Page still hasn't climbed down, and
so surprises Jarrett by slamming the door on him while he's on the steps -
he didn't see him up there, you see. Page hits the floor as the opening
bell rings. Page dumps Jarrett over the barricade to the floor. They hit
the...penalty box? They're in the crowd. There's a garbage can. There's
- another garbage can. Page turns the tide with the garbage can. Garbage
can. Jarrett put over the guard rail and they're near the entrance now -
right from Page - they're walking back to the aisle - whip into the
barricades is reversed by Jarrett. Jarrett taking him to the barricade and
dropping him throat-first on it. To the barricade. Jarrett whips him into
the barricade - reversed again. Hey, they're finaly in the cage! Vampiro
and Sting following this match! Jarrett stomping away. We go to lok at
the lock, and miss a reversed whip into the cage wall. Page whips Jarrett
into the opposite wall. Page has Jarrett - monkey flip into the corner!
Climbing up for a Ten Punch - no, Jarrett Golotas him at four. Snake Eyes
by Jarrett. Stomp, stomp, stmop, stomp, stomp, stomp, hard whip into the
cage wall. And into another cage wall. Stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp,
Jarrett poses on the second turnbuckle, then leaps off with...a stomp. But
Page comes back, punching away, into the corner, and punching when he comes
out - another right - discus lariat. Motioning for the Diamond Cutter.
JOBBED TO JOBBED TO JOBBED JUSTIN CREDIBLE is out and pushing away Mark
Johnson. In the cage, Jarrett DDT's Page. I hope he doesn't pull off the
door of the cage. Scoop - Page goes behind - Diamond Cutter! Awesome rips
off the door of the cage - oy - CHRIS KANYON is right behind him - Charles
Robinson counts...1, 2, Awesome grabs his arm and stops the count - Kanyon
over and running Awesome into the cage - Robinson goes ahead and counts 3
and rings the bell. Ladies and gentlemen...we have a new World Heavyweight
champion? (4:59) DAVID ARQUETTE is out as well now. Russo asks "what
happened?" Umm, you were right THERE, dude. Then he follows up with
something that gets muted. Page walks out through the crowd 'cause he's a
suckup.
If you like running through the graveyard...you might like buying this
Vampiro T-shirt
"Moments Ago" - this time we DO get a camera angle which shows Awesome
ripping off the door. I wonder if they'll find some way to strip Page of
the title on Wednesday?
JOBBIN' VAMPEPSI v. (THIS IS) STING in a First Blood Match - Sting rappels
to the floor, then has enough trouble with his rigging to allow Vampiro to
get out of the ring, walk over and kick him, pound, pound, both men in the
ring, right hand by Vampiro, both men kick, now Sting punches, Sting in
control, punch, running clothesline, Vampiro goes outside and plays with
the WCW.com set. Back in - Sting all over him with kicks - Sting puts him
through the ropes to the floor, and now he's frustrated. And now the
shirts and trenchcoats are off! Sting's still wearing his flak jacket,
though...Vampiro back in, Sting with akick, Campiro punch, Sting punch,
going to the eyes, vertical suplex, stomping on the hand (sorta) and
through the ropes to the floor AGAIN. Vampiro runs around and cleans the
announce table. He stands on top and makes the "thumb cross the throat"
signal. We look back at a wide shot - just in time to see a big ol' amount
of red stuff dump on Sting. Vampiro calls to the outside - Nail in the
Coffin! Out come CANDIDO, DOUGLAS, BAGWELL, STEINER and KIDMAN to help
work over Sting. Big Poppa Pump decides he ain't going in near that red
stuff - Sting pulling Bagwell into i and messing up his jeans (probably
pissing him off in the process - ha ha) Vampiro hooks up Sting's rigging
and they pull him up about ten feet - Vampiro climbs the barricade to get a
quick pose with him. A red spotlight bathes Sting as the lights go out -
and the credits are up. Another two minute overrun...and we're out!
Christopher Robin Zimmerman
www.CRZ.net