by Christopher Robin Zimmerman
WrestleLine/WrestleManiacs
QUICK QUOTES: AOL 48 1/2 (- 3 1/2), TWX 72 1/4 (- 3 7/8), SPLN 10 11/16 (- 2 1/4)
Hey, you know I actually have a Ssgt. Barry Sadler 45...oh, you probably
weren't interested in that.
WCW logo
"Highlights" from Thunder - Rated TV-14-DL - and close captioned
A limousine arrives...and Ric Flair gets out - and so does Beth - until Ric
tells her to stay put. Reid mouths off to his mother as well! Beth and
Reid get back in...but almost instantaneously, R&B Security appear, storm
the limo and kidnap Beth, Reid and the driver. Vince Russo - he's the one
with the sleeves cut off his shirt - welcomes Beth and Reid to Salt Lake
City, and they all walk off...somehow, Ric seems to have JUST missed all
this.
Opening graphic
Hit the pyro! WE ARE LIVE from the E Center in Salt Lake City, UT Memorial
Day 2K on TNT, thirteen days away from the Great American Bash, and the
first names mentioned in the hype are Bischoff and Russo, so you KNOW it's
WCW!
KEVIN NASH, who is the current WCW Champion and may very well be for at
least the next two hours, makes his way to the ring. He's in an FUNB
shirt...and he's got something to say! Well, no, not yet. Here comes
SUPERSTAR SCOTT STEINER along with his hooches. Steiner allows his women
to hug Nash, who provides us with a trademark shit-eatin' grin. Oh boy!
"First off...I just wanna give a little thanks to Big Poppa Pump for
helpin' me out on Thunder. Y'know eight weeks ago, Bischoff and Russo said
that they were systematically gonna eliminate the Millionaires. And if you
looked at it, Luger's got a destoyed face, Diamond Dallas Page's personal
and his professional life is being controlled by Eric Bischoff...Hulk's
gotta retirement match at the Great American Bash - they got Vam-pie-ro
wantin' to set Sting on fire in thirteen days...and then you got MOI, Kevin
Nash. Well, Russo, Bischoff - I guess things didn't follow plan when it
came to me, now, did it? And you SURE as hell didn't think Big Poppa Pump
was an ally. You know, I'd like to get my hands around your neck, Russo -
Poppa Pump
would like to get his hands around your neck. There's a buddy of mine
sittin' at home in Orlando by the name of Scott Hall...whose gettin'
healthier by the day, and I know for a fact since I talked to him last
night, he wants to get a piece of you real bad. You see, New Blood, Russo,
Bischoff - the reason these guys are legends is because they've seen it
all, they've heard it all, but most importantly, they've dealt with it all
before. The reason they're still here is that: they are legends. If ya
wanna little proof o' how hard it is to kill a legend, well...let me show
you just that, JACK..." Here comes THE MAN, who's all chummy with everyone
in the ring. "Russo! This is gotta have you thinkin' overtime, pal! Big
Sexy - Big Poppa Pump - and the Nature Boy - in one ring - woooo! - at the
same time! That's a problem for the WORLD! Fourteen days ago, my career,
God only knows why, was sky high, I went down - medical reasons unknown -
doesn't matter - what has transpired is not gonna keep happenin'. Thank
you. David - David! Look around, pal - your dad is in the building
tonight - you haven't got Double A behind you, you got nobody, you got life
- woooo! You got it. Here's the way it goes - David, at the Great
American Bash, your wrestling career will come to a quiet end. Russo, you
tried to bury me, last week, bury me, forget it pal, when I die, woooo!
They'll bury me quick, spread a bucket o' honey around m-- woooo! You got
it? Get it! Russo! Tonight - some way, some how, I'm gonna find you, and
drag your skinny little New York ass out here and stomp it through the mat,
woooo! in Salt Lake City...woooo!" "Nature Boy...got a little present for
ya, my man. I've thought about this long and hard - you never lost this
belt. It don't feel right being a champion that--has got a belt in his
hand, as far as I'm concerned...'til you lose this belt, Nature Boy, this
belt's yours." Wow, who had eleven minutes in the pool? Nash and Flair do
the "Wonder Twin powers" fist touch, hug, then the hooches hug Flair, and
now JEDOUBLEF JADOUBLEREDOUBLET is out. "Wait a minute! Wait just a damn
minute! Where am I? Am I on the wrong set? What is this, The View?
Because all I'm seeing is a bunch of self-serving women! Nash - Flair-
Steiner - is this all that's left? Is this display of patheticness what
we've broken you down to? The fact is...it's you three against the world,
and I don't like your damn odds one damn bit. So Nash, let's start with
you first. I got a little message from Russo. Tonight, it's gonna be you
against Rick Steiner AND Tank Abbott, a little handicap style - and Big
Poppa Rump, if you come within five feet of that ring, you and Nash will be
cleaning Russo's toilets next week, because don't forget it - he owns your
ass." "You know, Jeff Jarrett, and you can tell Mr. Russo, in my opinion,
talking your problems out is way overrated. See, even when my freaks gotta
let-get outta line, I gotta slap 'em. So what you can do, and Russo can
do, to settle our differences - come down to this ring, right now, bend
over, and (kiss my) ass." Why'd they censor...oh well. "Nonononono, screw
you slapass Steiner. I'm the man with all the stroke around this place!
So Flair, Nature Boy, this brings me to you. You are the champ, right?
Well, good. Because tonight, it's gonna be me and you in that ring. And
tonight is the night that I bring the belt back around the Chosen One's
waist - so why don't you choke on that, Jurassic slapass." "Jarrett, in
case you missed my view a minute ago, I said I was standing - woooo! - in
the ring with Big Sexy and Big Poppa Pump, and I believe Big Poppa just
told you to (kiss his) ass, so pal, if I'm the champion, and I'm standing
here, I don't gotta wrestle nobody, brother - woooo! I'm off tonight - ask
them. Woooo!" Flair is the SMARTEST MAN ALIVE. But, oh no, VIC VENOM is
out to join the party. "You know, Ric...I warned you, Ric. I told
you if you stepped one foot in my house tonight that you were gonna wish
you had a brain anyeurism. Ric, you need to remember one thing. I will
always stay one step ahead of you. Isn't that right, David?" DAVID FLAIR
brings out BETH & REID FLEIHR, one under each arm. Ric takes off almost
immediately, and catches them, but for the instant buffer of R&B SECURITY,
who go down quickly to Flair - and Nash and Steiner. And now we're all
back behind the curtain. Play the Wolfpac theme again!
Backstage, a gasoline tanker pulls up. Oh, no, that's just Vampiro's ride.
When we come back, Jarrett has Beth, David has Reid, and Russo is shouting
a lot.
Elsewhere, Ric Flair is WALKING! And looking for Russo. Ahhhh....the
trademark "guy walking around looking for some other guy" spot goes to
Flair this week.
This portion of WCW Monday Nitro is brought to you by 1-800-COL-LECT!
Your hosts are TONY SCHIAVONE, SCOTT HUDSON and....lookit that WWF sign
behind the commentators!
DISCO INFERNO (with Konnan, Raymond Stereo, and de Juice) v. LT. LOCO (with
Capt. Rection, Mjr. Stash, and Cpl. Cajun - and Mjr. Gunns) - tonight,
aside from the aforementioned handicap match, there'll be a US title match
in the Asylum - Steiner v. Douglas. Sting will take on Billy Kidman.
Inferno wears a Pippen jersey and flubs all the lines, while Konnan,
wearing a bandage around his arm, translates into G. "Where all mah dogs?"
"Nah, 'that's where mah dogs at?'" Inferno tries "'it's all swell," then
dusts off the old chestnut "tushy kickin'." I think the challenge was for
GI Bro, but we don't see him - the MIA have some new pyro - or smoke -
whatever. Loco tries the tope into the ring and hits - chop, into the
ropes, gutshot, exploder, into the ropes, Disco holds on and gets out -
Loco leaps onto the pile with a plancha off the top to the floor. The MIA
roll Inferno back in. Loco back in the ring - Inferno manages a hot shot.
Cobra clutch - into a side Russian legsweep - the WHOOSH logo tells us that
the GAB is 13 Days Away. Inferno tosses Loco out to the Filthy Animals,
who stomp away before putting him back in the ring. Scoop - and a slam.
Second rope forearm misses - Thesz press by Loco, standing dropkick,
Inferno out on the ramp - the MIA over and Inferno tries to fight his way
out of it. Meantime, Mysterio is in the ring working over Loco - got him
set up for the bronco buster, but Gunns is over and something SEXY'S gonna
happen! Yup, the shirt comes off - then she kicks him in the nuts.
Somehow, Inferno ends up back in the ring (why bother to show us THAT? No
breasts are involved) and one tornado DDT later, this match is over.
(2:50) Serves me right for daring to call play-by-play, I guess. For an
encore, NITRO GRRL TYGRESS is out to check on little Rey, then comes in the
ring, pulls Gunns down by the hair and there's a catfight...sort of. The
MIA, the Animals, and some more refs attempt to break things up, but we cut
to
PAMELA PAULSHOCK stands with Vampiro, who says only the sinners are gonna
burn in hell. Then he promises there will be a fire here tonight, and
it'll be all Sting's fault. Before we nod off, Kronic enter the picture
beating up Horace...which works until Chuck Palumbo and Shawn Stasiak come
in from behind and beat up THEM.
Meanwhile, Miss Hancock is WALKING! But why does Madden want to smoke weed
and watch Kevin Smith movies?
Promotional consideration paid for by Slim Jim (no Savage), Aqua Velva's
Ice Sport, Super Soaker, America (ha!) Online, and Motel 6 7/8 - hooray!
No damn Boston Market ads!
YES! SHAFT! I CAN dig it!
Close captioning on TNT where available sponsored by Meineke
discount muffler shops! Or so said Tony.
Here's a Special Video Look at Kidman and Hogan - by way of advertising the
Great American Bash, Sunday 11 June...
MISS HANCOCK walks to the ring to talk. "Now...I know that you all
probably think that I'm a stick in the mud. Well, I'm here to tell each
and every guy in this building that I know how to let my hair down and have
a good time - so hit my music." Madden talks about smoking weed again -
I'm SO confused. Before she gets to finish stripping, the music of CHRIS
CANDIDO interrupts and here he comes.
Backstage, David Flair, watching this on a monitor, tells Russo he's gotta
go. Then he leaves Russo alone with Beth and Reid...you would think with
the numbers on his side, they'd punk him out and take off, but instead we
get Russo tell them to "both o' ya'z keep your mouth shut."
Back to the ring, Candido: "You know, there's about ten, fifteen girls back
there, including you, that don't like, care about, or know a damn bit about
this business. And the only one that does tried to make the best of a bad
situation last week, and make a business deal with you. Well, honey, don't
stick your ass in my spotlight again, the next time that you do, I might
not be so damn nice" and then he grabs her by the hair...but because we
don't ever do anything to women, he just kinda drops her to the mat so
DAVID FLAIR can come in and start trading punches with him. Commentators
act all confused, 'cause they don't know that *this is a shoot, baby* and
David and Skye are real-life fiancees and shit, and it's a SHOOT and that's
why it's so cool, 'cause it's a SHOOT, well anyway THE MAN is out and on
*David*. R&B SECURITY come out about three seconds later - of course, they
attack black ninja style, so Flair chops 'em ALL down. David takes off
with Hancock while this happens - Ric follows them shortly thereafter.
Commentators are still confused, and wonder what Daffney thinks of this.
What a mess.
Kimberly makes an "Oscar" entrance surrounded by paparazzi. She asks that
she not be referred to as "Mrs. Page" but as Kimberly from now on. There's
a red carpet on the sidewalk. I've been told that Kimberly is a great
actress...but unfortunately, I still don't believe it.
Friday, Kimberly orders somebody around - toss DDP's stuff, but not her
stuff. Check.
WOW! DONNY OSMOND in the front row!
BOO! KARL MALONE in the front row!
By an astonishing coincidence, Bret Hart and Karl Malone will guest on the
Donny & Marie show.
GI BRO hits the ring. He has three things to say - one, he went back to GI
Bro 'cause he came in as GI Bro. Surprised, he didn't call himself Kole -
or was he Kane? I forget. Second, he challenges Shawn Stasiak to a Boot
Camp match at Great American Bash. Does that make you want to spend money?
Third, Awesome Mike Awesome may have tried to take him out at the 27 April
Thunder, but he didn't get the job done. He challenges him tonight - he'll
take HIM out, instead.
GI BRO v. AWESOME MIKE AWESOME - Awesome backs that ambulance up - then
removes a table from the back of it. Tony feels he must make mention of
David Flair rescuing Miss Hancock once again - oh, the pain and torment
that comes from not knowing when it's a SHOOT. Awesome also brings the
Pitbull #1 gear (or...the "hey low"), almost sliding it all the way off the
ramp, but catching it just in the nick of time with quite a dive. Do we
not have opening bells anymore? WHOOSH - 13! Bro meets him on the ramp
and we're off. Awful shoulderblock as Awesome comes in. Awesome bomb is
better. Meeting the dropkick as he comes off the top rope is not. Man,
this whole thing is ugly, ugly, ugly. Off the ropes, Bro tries to wound
himself on a leapfrog. I guess Awesome can't duck low or something. Bro
comes back - axe kick. Thrown out to the raised entrance ramp - they walk
out a bit - Awesome comes back with a halo shot. Oh, this is an
ambulance match. Nice of them to tell us that. Ah, here's the run-in -
DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE with a chair, preventing a powerbomb. Page and Bro
with a double uranage off the ramp and through a table. Hudson outright
steals a line from Bobby Heenan - "Mike Awesome was 31 years old" - and I
expect better from him. Awesome loaded into the ambulance. (2:44)
Backstage, Stasiak, Palumbo and Elizabeth watch on a monitor and make
remarks. There's a knock at the door, but they blow it off. A piece of
paper is slid under the door. "It's 4:19 - got a minute?"
BWAAAAAAhahahahahahaha - see, it's a WEED joke! Kronic come in and beat up
Palumbo and Stasiak. Elizabeth sneaks in a flexor shot on her way out.
Gosh, I hope she doesn't get recaptured before the show's over!
Meanwhile, Bischoff, Kimberly, Kidman, Torrie, Horace and Cat are WALKING!
Bischoff says something about Donny Osmond - I dunno
Meanwhile, Hulk Hogan's Dodge Charger ARRIVES! Hogan tells the
camera...and Bischoff.. that he's pissed off.
But that's not all - the Goldberg monster truck and another car pull up -
oh, look, there's Goldberg. Wow, way to cram him in - the sixteenth person
we've seen in the span of ninety seconds. That's SURE to have an impact.
Geez...
Ric Flair still hasn't managed to find his wife and son.
Meanwhile, David and Miss Hancock are WALKING! But what's that about?
It's gotta be A SHOOT
Goldberg and Scott Steiner are on the cover of the latest Sports
Illustrated for Kids. Yup, there they are!
The theme of "NWO Monday Nitro" must mean that CRACKA EAZY-E is out. He's
also got KIMBRRLY, THE NEW GODFATHER OF SOUL, BILLY KIDMAN, TORRIE SAMUDA
and HORACE with him as we are told that the Nash/Steiner & Abbott handicap
match will take place when RAW starts - err, I mean, at the top of the
hour. Oh, and Goldberg will interfere. At the top of the hour. When RAW
starts. Horace and Kidman part different ropes for Torrie - an action too
subtle for our "top of the hour" commentators to notice - or point out - so
I don't know why *I* would do it. After all, it's not MY job to get
storylines over, is it. Bischoff talks and Cat echoes. Even Bischoff has
to say "Ernest, would you PLEASE stop." Bischoff tells Hogan he doesn't
have the guts to wear the red and yellow in this (or any other) ring.
Bischoff has a parting gift for Hogan - it's the special guest referee.
The special guest referee is....Horace. Horace. What, Savio Vega wasn't
available? To his credit, they didn't hold off on THAT surprise until the
pay-per-view, so let's give 'em snaps there. YOU KNOW WHO comes out, asks
us to cut the damn music, gets muted on "shit," and promises that Kidman
AND Horace will get their asses kicked, and after the July pay-per-view,
he'll once again be the champion. Bischoff talks and Hogan says he's sick
of his mouth...but before we get to see anything develop out of that...
Goldberg, who was apparently standing in place for around nine minutes, is
now WALKING! Hudson: "YES!!!!!!!!" Schiavone: "Goldberg is WALKING!!! (to
the building)"
Let Us Take You Back to Moments Ago when Hogan took everybody out with one
punch apiece - well, I guess we didn't NEED to actually SEE that after
all...
KEVIN NASH v. RICK WOOF WOOF & JOBBED TO DAVID ARQUETTE - Nash gets about
thirteen seconds of entrance before being jumped from behind - Steiner is
immediately shoved off the ramp to the floor - Abbott is shoved back until
Steiner re-emerges with a pipe wrench, which KO's Nash. Nash dragged into
the ring where the opening bell sounds. Doubleteam stomp/punchdown. Crowd
chants "Goldberg" (I think). Strangely enough, around twenty
seconds after the hour, the music fires up and COLD BEER power walks out.
In a shocking display of chickenheartedness, referee "Blind" Mark Johnson
calls for the bell before any interference even takes place! (relaxed DQ
1:21) Spear and jackhammer for Steiner. Abbott heads for the hills. RING
THE BELL A MILLION TIMES! Goldberg offers a hand to Nash - "Kev, Kev, it's
me...Bill! Remember when I lovingly brushed aside your hair?" Sure
enough, they hug. Hudson: "Oh God, it's a new day in WCW!" Goldberg has
THE STICK: "You know what, Tank? I've been sittin' at home listening to
you run your filthy mouth week after week. But tonight, things are a
little bit different, 'cause I'm back. So understand this: tonight, the
slaughter begins. And escape is no option. So, if you got the balls to
show up next Monday night, in my backyard, Atlanta - your ass is next!"
Tank gives us a Neidhart-esque tug of his beard - and laughs. The big heel
colour commentator likes Goldberg? Replay of the spear. One more shot of
Goldberg's back as he disappears behind the curtain. Good timing! Pan the
crowd. Tony: "They're still - it's a state of disbelief - of excitement!"
he said, as everybody was sitting down. Good timing! "It's almost like
the seventh game of the World Series - but it is Nitro!"
Thunder ad features Nash winning the belt - oops, he's not even the champ
anymore
Promotional consideration paid for by Aqua Velva's IceSport (again), Korn
Nuts, Three Kings on pay-per-view, ducks with mohawks chewing Bubble
Yum, and Ice Sport from Aqua Velva (a third time)
Replay of Goldberg's spear and jackhammer....and tender embrace with Big Sexy.
Pamela Paulshock tried to interview Goldberg but he won't stop WALKING! He
climbs into his car (Tony says it's a Viper - okay) and they drive off
Meanwhile, Eric Bischoff does some giant ranting and kicks over some
furniture - hey, he's doing his Pat Patterson impersonation!
Another look at our commentators. CLOSE YOUR MOUTH, TUBBY!
WCW.com presents "Reload" - from the fine folks who brought you "WCW
Rules!" every night
TERRY FUNK v. ? for the World Hardcore Title - Funk says Bischoff has a
surprise opponent for him - he doesn't care who it is; in fact, he's gonna
walk back there and put a foot in his butt! Well, the mystery opponent is
JOBBIN' VAMPIRO - they meet out on the ramp. Piledriver by Funk - referee
"Blind" Jamie Techer is too slow to get over so Vampiro kicks out. Vampiro
comes back with his Nail in the Coffin on the ramp - then he puts out
Techer with the same move. Now they're going backstage. Funk put through
a table - a Reload guy eats it - looks like Ed Ferrara goes down - Funk
with a garbage can. Funk with a pole - Vampiro put across some catering -
coffee urn misses - Funk put through THAT table - next referee "Blind"
Billy Silverman avoids Vampiro. Funk's head put in a chair.
Something gets muted. Near the production truck - will they go inside?
Nope - Vampiro falls through a table. Funk put into a semi grill - a big
plastic thing thrown at Funk. Ahh, this is the gasoline truck. Funk put
head first in the truck's side. Vampiro turns on the hose and puts gas on
Funk...well, here's (THIS IS) STING to make the run-in. Sting turns off
the hose while Vampiro goes for his blowtorch. DOUG DILLINJA & THE REAL
(NOT R&B) SECURITY prevent anything from happening. "Hey Sting! I'll see
you later, Sting!" Let's call it (no contest 5:19)
Meanwhile, Ric Flair is STILL looking for his family
Meanwhile, while Miss Hancock stands by, David Flair gives a shot to
Reid...then tells his mother to shut up. Shane Douglas comes into the
picture - at first, he's unhappy about having to face Steiner in the
Asylum...but when he learns it's a US title match, he warms up to the
assignment...
Jimmy Barron phones it in with 1-800-CAL-LATT - next Monday's Nitro is in
Atlanta - PLEASE show up!
Steiner vs. Abbott for the US title - in the Asylum - at the Great American
Bash! Wait...doesn't that give away the ending to the Steiner/Douglas
match?
Friday, Diamond Dallas Page had a surprise waiting for him when he returned
to his house - all his stuff out on the lawn, the locks changed, and two of
Smyrna's finest ready to keep him from getting into the house! I don't
know what's funnier - Page's sleeveless "Sopranos" T-shirt and Yankees cap
(stolen from Russo?), the fact that he says "rib" a couple hundred times,
Kimberly's INCREDIBLY poor acting, or the acting of the cops.
Back to live action...backstage, Mike Awesome (having once again managed a
miraculous ambulance recovery) asks Kimberly for a little advice for his
match with Page at the Great American Bash. Kimberly bitches about his
pyro instead. Chuck Palumbo tells Kimberly that he lost Elizabeth and he's
really screwed. Kimberly wants to know what this has to do with her -
Palumbo says is she calls Elizabeth out to the ring, she's bound to show -
AND Kim will get some TV time! Kimberly twirls her hair and decides this
is a good idea, then asks "Mr. Sweaty Man" to come with her and provide
backup.
Let Us Take You Back to Thunder where lotsa wacky stuff happened involving
Elizabeth, Kimberly, and DDP. Strangely, we see more spanking in this clip
than we did last Wednesday.
The "NWO Monday Nitro" theme plays again and here come KIMBRRLY, CHUCK
PALUMBO and MR. SWEATY MAN. Hudson actually brings up the fact that
Awesome was carted off by the ambulance not forty minutes ago. Crowd chants
"slut" as Kimberly attempts to act. Did you notice that Kimberly's nipples
stiffen up when she gets on THE STICK? This must be A SHOOT, BABY! Well,
here's LIZ. "You know what, Kimberly? *Everybody's* sick of you - and
they're sick of your lowlife friends, especially Bischoff and Russo! You
wanted me out here? Well, I'm here. So what do you want?" Kimberly tells
Awesome and Palumbo to get her. Geez, Elizabeth is pretty stupid this
week. Kimberly berates Elizabeth for taking a bat to her last week. Liz
sure seems kinda - extra shiny - tonight. DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE (in Pillman
2000" shirt - sleeveless) walks out - Kimberly leaves the ring - Page
clears the ring of Palumbo and (Diamond Cutter for) Awesome. "DDP" chant.
CRACKA EAZY-E appears with TWO COPS in tow - and has Page arrested for
violating Kimberly's TRO. Palumbo gets back in the ring, waffles
the cops (!) with the flexor and gets a couple shots on Page - now THE
NARCISSIST is out, wearing a "Test" model facemask and taking out Palumbo
after ducking a flexor shot. Palumbo runs off - Liz and Luger leave to
Luger's music. Wait, so you can attack cops and GET AWAY WITH IT now?
Anyway, Awesome comes to, sees a 'cuffed Page on the mat, and starts
stomping away. This brings KARL MALONE over the ramp - removes his shirt -
and gives Awesome a Diamond Cutter. I LOVE happy endings!
Steiner and his women - are - WALKING!
Vampiro vs. Sting is hyped for Great American Bash
Pamela Paulshock attempts to grab Ric Flair as he walks by - he WILL give
the title shot to Jarrett, but for now...he's looking for his wife, son and
Russo.
SUPERSTAR SCOTT STEINER (With Midajah & Shakira) v. "THE FRANCHISE" SHANE
DOUGLAS (by his damn self) in the Asylum for the United States Heavyweight
Champion - "Now every week, I come out here with my two favourite freaks -
'cause it's no secret I'm just a genetic freak in heat. Now when I come
out here and flaunt it, I know there's other freaks nationwide, wantin' -
that dream up about gettin' up on it. But I'm gonna do something special
for all you ladies here in Salt Lake City, because after THIS show, I'm
gonna give you a chance to get it right at my freak show, and all you gotta
do is separate your hips and put your ass out, and the Daddy will make you
pass out. That's the Big Bad Booty Daddy! So this goes to all my freaks
out there - Big Poppa Pump is your hookup - holler if ya hear me. Now Tank
Abbott, at the Great American Bash, plain and simple, in the Asylum, I'm
gonna kick your ass. Now Russo, you New York son of a bitch, you can put
the Franchise out here tonight against me, 'cause I'm gonna kick his ass
too. Now get your ass out here, Shane Douglas." Hey, this match ACTUALLY
had a clean finish! My bad...all I did was time it. (Steiner recliner
2:28)
Sting - IS - WALKING!
Meanwhile, Hulk Hogan - dressed in red and yellow - watches on the monitor
- and says something I couldn't hear over the other noise
Ric Flair vs. David Flair - Billy Kidman vs. Hulk Hogan - Sting vs.
Vampiro in a Johnny Storm match - Castrol GTX brings you the Great American
Bash! Can you believe it? They're actually TELLING US THE CARD!! Kudos!
BILLY KIDMAN (with Torrie Samuda) v. (THIS IS) STING - Sting will make a
Very Special Appearance at the Nitro Grill somewhere down the road.
Commentators get really excited when Sting runs the ramp and leaps over the
top rope - but I saw Awesome do that not an hour earlier. Torrie distracts
referee "Blind" Billy Silverman just as Sting puts on the Scorpion
Deathlock (a whole two minutes in, yet) - cueing the run-in of JOBBIN'
VAMPIRO, who waffles Sting with his blowtorch and then puts Kidman on top
for the cover and pin. (2:25) Ring the bell a million times! YOU KNOW WHO
comes out and beats up both men handily (sigh) - CRACKA EAZY-E comes out
with a chair - whack - Hogan doesn't feel it - as he readies the chair to
give Bischoff a crack, the NEW GODFATHER OF SOUL hits a Feliner to the
chair, to Hogan's head. HORACE is out as well, because it takes FIVE MEN
to take down the mighty Hogan. They DO manage do take off the red and
yellow shirt. A garbage can is filled with gasoline and the shirt is
tossed on top. Vampiro is ready to put Sting's head in the fire, but out
comes....KRONYKK? Hey, maybe if we just ring the bell some more,
everything will turn out all right. Bryan, Brian and Hogan stand over
Sting... Hey, you know there are people who will ACTUALLY try to convince
you that Billy Kidman got elevated in this whole cluster finish because he
actually got a pinfall. The only problem is, he was IMMEDIATELY beaten
down by several OTHER faces - not the least of which was his PPV opponent -
as well as the fact that the only reason he GOT the pin is because he had
help on HIS side...oh, but yeah. He's REALLY getting elevated.
NEXT: Ric Flair is in his robe - and he's WALKING!
Meanwhile, Jarrett carries a gee-tar - and he's WALKING!
Ric Flair vs. David Flair hype for Great American Bash
WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE: JEDOUBLEF JADOUBLEREDOUBLET v. THE MAN - Jarrett
comes out with a special guest referee - DAVID FLAIR. Flair's in blue
trunks and boots. Jarrett tries a sneak attack, Flair elbows, chops,
chops, chops, right, chop, right, chop, right, into the corner, back elbow,
a few steps in David's direction, and Jarrett comes back with an upperct to
the throat. Right, right, right, right, Flair turns it around, but now we
look to the entryway where VIC VENOM and R&B SECURITY bring out BETH & REID
FLEIHR. Ric spots this and runs up the aisle, meeting Russo and taking him
down just off camera - punching away on him but Jarrett is over from behind
with rights. Jarrett tosses him to the floor - head to the barricade. We
look back to the aisle as Russo and entourage continue where they left off.
Jarrett putting a chair to Flair. Crowd chants "Russo sux." Chair to
Flair's head - is he blading there? Jarrett puts the edge of the chair on
Flair's head. Flair rolled back in the ring - fistdrop, another, and
another. Yeah, whoosh that logo out one more time - 13 days - gotcha.
Choke on the second rope. We look at Beth instead of the action. Jarrett
punching away on the bleeding forehead of Flair. Flair chops back. Right,
chop, chop, snapmare, fifteen quick punches, gutshot for David (who was
bringing in the Statue of Liberty), grabs the statue and whacks David with
it. Jarrett from behind - Flair into the corner - FLAIR FLIP! And he
falls out on the floor. Russo stands over him...but does nothing. Oh,
THERE'S a bat to the back. Flair rolled back in. Figure four coming up.
Of course, there's no ref, so I don't know how well this'll work. CHARLES
ROBINSON is out as Flair's shoulders are down - 1....2....NO! Flair starts
to fight it - but Russo is up on the apron - takes a right from Flair as
Flair is on his way to grabbing the ropes. Jarrett breaks the hold, right,
into the ropes, Flair with an inside cradle - 1, 2, no! Right by Jarrett,
right, in the corner for a Ten Punch Count Along - Flair stops it at eight,
atomic drop, Golota, "Iblockyourpunchyoudon'tblockmine", again, chop,
right, chop, right, into the opposite corner is reversed - FLAIR FLIP!
Flair runs the apron, ducks a clothesline, hits one of his own - to the top
rope - DOUBLE AXEHANDLE!!!!!! Russo on the apron, right hand for Russo!
Tony: "Down goes Russo! Down goes Russo! Down goes Russo!" And the thing
that I LOVED about this was that Tony was NOT going to let Madden get his
smartass crack about Flair's move hitting for the first time since the
first Starrcade out...and he was JUST DYING to say it to let everybody know
how smart he was. Flair with a bit of a Fargo strut of his own. Knee to
the upper thigh...but Jarrett kicks out of the figure four attempt,
unfortunately sending Flair into Robinson. The various members of R&B
Security get on the apron, but because they attack black ninja style, it's
no problem for Flair to punch, chop, and punch them to the floor. Duck,
chop, chop, Russo is getting the zebra shirt on the outside, snapmare,
running kneedrop, woooo!, Russo in - face rake, chop, going for the figure
four but David Flair hands Jarrett the gee-tar - KABONG. Jarrett covers -
1, 2, 3. Ladies and gentlemen, for the second time tonight, we have a new
World Heavyweight Champion. (7:44) The ring quickly fills with litter -
the R&B Security guys forve Reid to watch what's going on in the ring.
Commentators all but okay the throwing of debris in the ring, sheesh.
Jarrett, Russo and David Flair hightail it up the ring to avoid the flying
garbage. We look back in the ring to see a shirtless Charles Robinson and
bleeding Ric Flair - and now the Security folk bring back Beth & Reid to
the ring...Ric manages to get up and chase after them - but this show's
over.
AFTER THE FACT: Taylor Fielding from Ogden, UT send a quick on-site before I finished this one up: Chris:
A few words about Nitro in Salt Lake City last
night--we saw a lot of the Nitro Girls and a little
wrestling. I was beginning to wonder what I had bought
tickets to -- a live soap opera with occassional
wrestling? Everyone popped big time for Nash and
Steiner at the first, but Flair got the biggest pop of
the opening segment.
On a video tape of "Reload" from WCW.com shown before
the event, we were promised a catfight with Tammy. The
Reload announce team said Tammy was in the building,
and she had a score to settle with someone and would
be calling her out for a cat fight. Well, we never saw
Tammy or said catfight.
Goldberg returning in SLC was something that should
have been predictable since his first win was in SLC
about five years ago. I remember that match
well--Goldberg was facing Hugh Morrus and Morrus hit
the "laughing matter" moonsault but didn't go for the
pin. We all figured it was over but then this guy is
standing! He speared Morrus and put him in the
Jackhammer -- all we could do was stand there with our
mouths hangin' open and asking, "What was that move
and holy shit, who the hell was that guy!?!"
When DDP was out and the cops appeared, a lot of
people were chanting "rent-a-cop" since the guys
weren't real cops. I don't know if they'll mute that
out or not. By far the biggest pop of the evening was
when Malone went into the ring and put the Diamond
Cutter on Mike Awesome. The people I was with were
joking about Donnie Osmond hitting the ring next.
Although, that wouldn't be too bad of a gimmick
match--David Arquette versus Donnie Osmond at the next
PPV!
I didn't get to catch the replay of Nitro so I am
looking forward to your review to see what made it on
TV and what didn't.
Thanks for the reviews!
Thank YOU for YOUR take!
Christopher Robin Zimmerman
www.CRZ.net