by Christopher Robin Zimmerman
WrestleLine/WrestleManiacs
THE PPV: In a surprising flip-flop, *Scott* was right and *Rick* was
wrong. I know! I don't believe it either!
AWARDS: This is your LAST chance to let your voice be heard in the 2000
rec.sport.pro-wrestling awards! If you STILL haven't managed to get over
to Usenet to figure out how to vote...well, I know better, but here's a
URL for you. Click over to http://www.CRZ.net/wrestling/awards/2000/ to
find the Web version. Remember, Rick won't tell you or I'll kill him, so
you'd better write it down NOW! Ballots are due FRIDAY!
I GET LETTERS: Jeff Bidwell writes: CRZ...
My question first. I came across a tape today of the retirement video the
WWF played for Foley back in February. In it, there was a shot of Foley,
Austin and Undertaker toasting beers. While I'm not an avid PPV watcher,
I can't for the life of me remember when that was, and when all three of
them were faces at the same time. I was hoping you could help.
Now my comment, or rather short story. I work for the NBC station down
here in Augusta, Georgia. "Lucky" me got free tickets to the
Nitro/Thunder taping this past Monday. WCW said the showed started at
6:30. I figured they'd have dark matches, maybe tape some of the Thunder
matches which didn't have to worry about Nitro continuity leading up to
8:00. I showed up at 7:30. I was 30 minutes late for the Nitro TAPING.
Apparently the show started at 7pm, and then they just tape delayed it for
an hour. Maybe I fell asleep for God knows how long, but I kind of
figured when they scream LIVE every Monday night, they meant it.
I got home and told my girlfriend the story. She asked me if RAW was live
at 9pm. I said yes, but hell, who knows? My entire belief system is down
the drain now. Anyway, thought you might be interested to know that,
although you're probably not.
Thanks for the help...Happy Thanksgiving...
I hadn't heard anything about this. Was anybody else at the taping, and
can they confirm or deny? And, was anybody at TONIGHT'S taping who could
let me know what if they did the same thing?
QUICK QUOTES: AOL 43.97 (- 3.12), TWX 65.87 (- 3.74 ... last year: 62
3/8), SPLN 8 3/4 (+ 1 13/16 ... last year: 48 1/16 - blame WrestleLine)
Funny, this isn't the WCW logo - it's the seal of the President of the
United States of America! Did TNT just get a news division?
As a "SPECIAL BULLETIN - BREAKING NEWS" crawl takes up the bottom of our
screen, the camera pulls out to a lectern...and an unidentified,
grey-haired fellow just walked in. "Thank you for coming, ladies and
gentlemen. At long last, this national crisis is over. The votes are in,
they've been tallied, confirmed, and reconfirmed. Finally, we have an
answer as there is a clear cut winner. The man who will lead this country
into the new millennium - ladies and gentlemen of the press, it pleases me
to announce the next president of the United States of America..." he
motions off camera, but from the other side, Jeff Jarrett appears...and
gives him El Kabong. "There's ONE vote you forgot to count! Now choke on
that, slapnut!" Funny, but ONE segment from WCW just *entertained* me more
than an entire "Smack down your vote" campaign from the WWF...even if it
*does* make me wonder if David McLane's been doing a little freelance
consulting...
WCW logo - happy to be here
Stills from Mayhem cover the wins by Storm, Jarrett, the TV-14-DL ratings
box, Goldberg...and Steiner.
Opening Credits - Close Captioned - Listen for David Penzer saying "We're
Coming Live in Five...Four...Three..."
Hit the PYRO - we are POSSIBLY NOT LIVE from the Metro Center in Rockford,
IL 27.11.2K and we've got new US, tag and World champs!
3 COUNT (already in the ring) v. CORP. CAJUN & LT. LOCO - Helms & Moore say
something about something, but their mic's aren't up for half of it - not
to mention I have the feeling we just MAY have heard it all before.
Instead of hitting their music, the soulful tones of "Not Edwin K. Starr"
greet the crowd instead as the MIA reps strut to the ring. 3 Count are all
over them as they rush the ring - hmm, I missed that opening bell - ah,
there it is. The Misfits take control and toss Helms - Cajun bodyslam on
Moore, Boston Crab by Loco and Cajun dropkicks him in the face. Lariat for
Helms as he tries to surprise them. Avalanche by Cajun on Helms. Chop by
Loco on Moore. Sat on the second turnbuckle, dropkick in the face. "The
Wedding Singer" airs Friday at 8! Cajun covers for 2. Stomp. "3 Count
Sux!" Pound, elbow, into the ropes is reversed, Helms to the back, Rocker
Dropper by Moore. 1, 2, Cajun kicks out. Tag as Moore backslides him for
a second rope guilltoine by Helms. Blatant choke - now with the rope. In
the corner, kick, into the opposite corner sternum first - and a superkick
on his way out. Shot for Loco to distract referee "Blind" Charles Robinson
as they doubleteam him with stompin' behind his back. Moore with elbows -
into the corner is reversed, Cajun springs off the second rope with a face
jam for him. HOT TAG! Loco clotheslines Helms, dropkicks Moore, duck, DDT
Helms, cover, 1, 2, save. Cajun in with an elbow. Who's legal? Helms
ducks a clothesline, Moore with a gutshot - double suplex - leg is hooked
but Robinson is busy with Cajun...now Helms is pulled out of the ring -
switch camera shots already! Ahh, it's JAIME KNOBLE, shoving him into a
ladder held by OUTRAGEOUS EVAN KARAGIAS. With Helms out of the picture,
they move the ladder to the ring - Moore dropkicks Knoble through the
ropes, but...well, I think Karagias meant to seesaw it into his jaw, but it
missed by roughly two miles - Moore sells it nonetheless, and staggers into
a gutshot and brainbuster from Loco. 1, 2, 3. (4:12) Number of times
somebody said "harder edge from the Misfits" during this match: a few
thousand. Let's go straight to the ad break!
When we come back, Elix Skipper AGAIN tries to put some moves on Ms. Jones.
Again, she denies him. Cat gives it to him, daring him to go on and TAKE
his pride - an unseen Lance Storm spins him around and chairs him in the
head. "That's why it's TEAM Canada!"
Courtesy WCW Magazine, here are some stills from last night's Caged Heat match
Your hosts include TONY SCHIAVONE & SCOTT HUDSON. Just like Sting (who was
*supposed* to have a title shot by winning the London Lethal Lottery),
Booker T. is out injured and who knows WHEN we'll see him again. The
veterans are back and hold the straps - we'll see Nash and Page later
tonight...
To the ring we go, where GENE O. works tonight! His very special guest is
the NEW WCW Heavyweight Champion of the World, OLD MESH HEAD MUSH MOUTH,
who is accompanied by a mesh-dressed MIDAJAH. "You know, Mean Gene, I
really appreciate all these fans standing up and giving me an ovation...
but to be quite honest with you, when I walk down that aisle, you fans need
to close your eyes, get on your hands and knees, pucker up, and kiss
the champ's ass!" He takes the mic from Okerlund. "Now last night, I
proved that I only care about two things - my freaks and my peaks - and
when I put the hammer down on Booker T, I went back to my hotel room to a
chorus line of freaks, ALL horizontal and lookin' for satisfaction! And
there I was, standing there with nothin' on buy my boots and my belt, and
believe me, I sent sweet sensations up and down their spines all night long
until they called me the Big Bad Booty Daddy! And as I was in my sexual
sanctuary, I got my mind and my body re-energized, and I came here tonight
lookin' for a fight! But there's no Booker T in the back lookin' for a
rematch - there's no Sting, the #1 Contender, lookin' for a title match,
'cause I sent their both asses to the hospital! So I said 'who's left -
Goldberg?' Hell, Goldberg's still punch drunk from the last fight I was in
- whatever happened to the sayin' 'it's easier to get to the top than to
stay in there?' Not when you're me, when you take son of a bitches out!
So I came here tonight with no opponent 'cause they're all afraid, I
probably won't have one for a while - probably not even 'til Starrcade, so
I'm gonna give you fans a treat - get down on your knees, close your eyes,
pucker up, 'cause you're gonna get a chance to kiss the champ's ass!" Here
comes THE CEO (complete with CEO entrance video) to offer retort. "Scott
Steiner...congratulations! Let me be the first to tell you that as World
Heavyweight Champion, you are The Man. I told the wrestling world that
whoever walked out of Mayhem, be it you or Booker T, you would become the
flagship of this company, and that you are tonight. We are gonna build the
greatest wrestling company in the world around the greatest world champion
right now - that's Scott Steiner. But, Scott, I gotta explain somethin' to
you - along with all that notoriety comes responsibility, and a lot of
perks, but one of the perks is not the ability to call your own shot. I
have been on the phone all day long because I want you to prove again and
again that you are The Man, and I've got an opponent on his way here right
now - wooo! - in a Lear jet! To wrestle you at Starrcade - he's gonna come
out here and explain all about himself to you. Normally, I'd be walkin'
back there and I'd be sayin' 'good luck' to some poor kid walkin' down the
aisle to wrestle you - at Starrcade, I will knock on your dressing room
door and I'll say 'Champ, good luck to *you* tonight.'" "Whoa -
Whoawhoawhoawhoawhoa - who you got? Booker T? Sting, their asses in a
hospital! Andre the Giant, he's dead! Who, Steve Austin? When he was in
WCW, I kicked his ass! Booker T--and the Rock, he don't have the [balls]
to show up here, if you smellllllelelelelelllll what I'm cookin'!" "Let me
assure you that the gentleman coming tonight is in the same elite class as
those two - and at Starrcade, you'll find that out. Now, second thing on
the agenda, WCW World Heavyweight Champion, is conduct. It'd be very hard
for me to tell you how to win or lose based on my career - I did a lotta
things wrong, but as CEO, I'm gonna tell you right now - you're not gonna
run wild. Booker T is in the hospital right now...he may never wrestle
again 'cause o' you-- No no, whoa whoa whoa--" At this point, SAY FROOT
BOOTY ALREADY is out and making a beeline for the champ - Flair holds him
back, along with suddenly appearing refs and security. "What are you doing
out here? I just punked your brother's ass? What're you gonna do? I
retired your brother, you ain't got nothing to offer!" HE SAID FROOT
BOOTY!!!!!!! "Stevie Ray, you're just an announcer." "You wanna talk to
him, you can talk to him, but you're not making your own matches either.
This company's running on guidelines. If you wanna wrestle him, you talk
to him about it, we'll make a match, but it ain't gonna happen right now."
"If this sad sack ass froot booty [HE SAID IT AGAIN!] got the guts, punk,
do to me what you did to my brotha, you jacked up froot booty, I'm here to
come and kick yo ass tonight, punk!" "Stevie Ray, you're just a punkass
announcer! Whadda you got to offer me? Whadda you got to go against the
belt? You don't have nothin'! Tell you what - I'll tell you what - since
I ended your brother's career, how 'bout we do this...the world title
against your career." "No. You don't wanna do that, brother, don't even
think about that. You don't want that." "Flair...I want you to do your
job. You- I will put my career up against Scott Froot Booty Ass Steiner
tonight if he's got the guts. I want it right now tonight. We can do it
now, sucka!" "You don't have to do this." "I can't wait, it's gonna be a
pleasure to beat both you guys!" "I want it. I want it! You make it!"
"It ain't gonna happen now but if you wanna wrestle him for the world's
title tonight, the match will take place right here - Rockford, Illinois."
"Hey, hey hey hey - I just got one other thing to say - you always talkin'
about yo freaks - how you gon' feel when you be my 285 pound freak tonight
when I get through witch'yo punkass." If this is Stevie Ray's swan
song...well....at least they FINALLY let him say "froot booty" just one
more time.
Promotional consideration paid for by Crown Books' "I'm Next," Slim Jim,
America (ha!) Online 6.0, Geico, Geico, Geico, Geico, tomato and Geico
When we come back, the Boogie Knights are hanging with the Kronik - you'd
THINK Disqo would ask him where the other 90 seconds went, but no. He's
still in excruciating agony and they need to know how much their services
will cost tonight. They write down a price. Wright balks, as it's more
than the last three times combined! Disqo says he can't afford it, and
gets to steppin'. Shockingly, Kronik don't seem to mind too much. Let's
see how they feel when they're JONEZIN
Meanwhile, PAMELA PAULSHOCK stands with the fully assembled MIA. Rection
says they took the war to Team Canada and won, but they couldn't have done
it without the fans. Rection turns his attention to Bam Bam Bigelow, who
sold out his ass last night. Loco tells him to take no prisoners, and "by
any means necessary." Rection says tonight we'll see what he's got.
(YUN) YANG (with Leia Meow, already in the ring) v. LANCE STORM (with Major
Gunns and WCW Backstage Assault for the PlayStation) - a free public
service to my friends at WCW - hell, to my friends at WWF as well: "Kwang"
is a trademark of the WWF, and certain WCW announcers would probably be
incredibly wise to STOP SAYING IT. "If I can be serious for a minute...I'm
not out here to complain about what happened last night at Mayhem.
["USA!"] I wrestled last night with four broken ribs...but that's
no excuse. The fact of the matter is everybody gets lucky EVENTUALLY.
Rection, this ain't over! Somewhere, somehow...I'm gonna getcha. But
right now, I need some respect - all rise for the playing of my Canadian
national anthem!" Anthem lasts (0:10) before Yang gets back in the ring
and throws a forearm from behind. Into the ropes, reversed, Yang tries a
headscissors, but Storm seems unaware so Yang kinda turns it into a
twisting rollup for 2. Both men back up, Storm powers him into the ropes,
Yang slide under, hundred hands to the injured ribs, into the ropes,
reversal, hiptoss, but Yang lands on his feet...Storm ducks the clothesline
but not the dropkick. Running backflip kick. Duck, Yang ducks, but Storm
lands a superkick. Backbreaker across the knee gets 2. Field goal kick,
stomp, stomp, head to the buckle, "USA," Yang punches back but eats a knee.
Into the ropes, head down by Storm, sunset flip attempt by Yang, Storm
fights it but Yang headbutts him in the groin to finish it - 1, 2, no!
"Iblockyourpunchyoudon'tblockmine" by Yang, again, right, right, up and
down with the slam, off the ropes with the fist, 1, 2, NO! Storm manages a
jawbreaker. Yang up on his shoulders - but spinning off, another rollup
gets 2. Kick, into the corner, Storm up and over, but eating a back elbow
- Yang on top - beautiful moonsault! But he only gets 2! Into the ropes,
reversed, Gunns grabs Yang's ankle but doesn't appear to get a good grip,
but no matter - Storm has him set for a CRADLE PILEDRIVER! Meow is over
for our requisite catfight. Meanwhile, CAT is out. "Here, catch this
chair." "Whoops, I dropped it. Mind if I pick it up and hold it in front
of my face anyway?" "Sure, hey, why don't I cartwheel kick the chair into
your face since you've been so kind to fall for my little trap?" And so he
does. Yang rolls over and drapes an arm on him - referee "Blind" Billy
Silverman manages to turn around - 1, 2, 3! Yang pins Storm! (3:20) Cat
and MZ. JONEZ get a good laugh. Hey Storm, remember when you had three
titles? You just lost to a Power Plant kid.
Promotional consideration paid for by Crown Books' "I'm Next" (again),
America (again!) Online 6.0, "Toy Story 2," Mag-Lite and America (DAMMIT!)
Online 6.0
When we come back, Storm and Gunns accost Skipper and Duggan, wondering
where they were while the Cat was doin' all that interferin'. Looks like
they were playing MAGIC! Duggan says he thought Storm could take care of
him. "We're supposed to be a team, Jim!" Storm does all his yelling at
Duggan, as he's the senior man.
Meanwhile, Stevie Ray assures the person on the other end of his cel phone
that he "knows what he's doing."
Meanwhile, the Boogie Knights find the Harris Brothers. "Hey, Harris Boyz
- wanna get back on TV?" They need a little favour..."how much?" Don:
"Drink and a sandwich.." Ron: "You have to learn to negotiate, man!" Don:
(thinks) "Two drinks and two sandwiches!" Ron: (slams laptop) Disqo: "You
got a deal!"
THE NARCISSIST is all smiles and waves on his way to the ring. He's been
watching his William Regal tapes! "Thank you! Thank you very much! Thank
you! This is a glorious moment for each and every one of us this
evening...it's party time [hey, that's Blackman's line!] in World
Championship Wrestling! Because this is the official announcement tonight
of the end of Bill Goldberg's streak, the end of Goldberg's career here in
World Championship Wrestling - thank you! Thank you! Please, please - you
all can thank me later - I have something to say. This is the biggest
announcement in the history of professional wrestling, and the crowning
achievement for all the Total Package has accomplished in his career -
better than world titles, better than world tag team titles, better than
... every single thing, US titles, bigger than the large homes I own, my
huge financial portfolio...my expensive cars...all that means NOTHING to me
in comparison to me, because I did a huge favour for professional wrestling
last night at Mayhem, and I'm gonna get my justice! When Bill Goldberg
viciously and maliciously speared poor Mickie Jay, a fully sanctioned
referee for WCW, he committed THE mortal sin - he lost by disqualification,
I did what I said I would do, and Bill Goldberg, you're outta wrestling,
now I've appealed to Ric Flair, the CEO - he says he's restored law and
order in WCW - he said he's gonna put some teeth back in the rulebook, well
I've read the rulebook, and Goldberg, YOU'RE OUTTA HERE. The appeal has
been officially made - I demand an answer tonight from CEO Ric Flair, he's
assured me that it'll come down...and ladies and gentlemen, this is the
crowning moment for the greatest, mesomorphic, physical specimen...the most
intelligent athlete World Championship Wrestling has ever seen...this is
the retirement party night of Bill Goldberg - THANK YOU VERY MUCH! Thank
you! Thank you!" Thumbs up from Luger!
Outside the arena, a white limousine pulls up - could this be the man Ric
Flair signed to face Steiner at Starrcade? Come back, won't you?
The following segment, a paid announcement from Jimmy Hart, has been
skipped for my sanity.
Gene O. stands with Jeff Jarrett...and gets muted. Tonight he's got Rey
Mysterio Jr. and...the Filthy Animals are apparently throwing eggs at them.
Offstage, "Oh, blow it out your ass, Okerlund!"
Meanwhile, Big Vito and his sister are WALKING! He leaves her alone...sure
enough, Reno walks by and off they go, arm in arm... "I gotta talk to
you..."
Here's a still of Goldberg spearing Jay...and Luger
JAIME KNOBLE & OUTRAGEOUS EVAN KARAGIAS v. BOOGIE KNIGHTS (with a bag of
sandwiches) - "Achtung achtung! The Boogie Knights are in de HAUS! Shut
up, you stupid American. And now, listen to my great partner and injured
friend, Disqo." "You're probably wondering what's in the bag, and no, it's
not a load of crap. Actually, it's the payment for our replacements
tonight, so come out and get your payment, boys!" Here come the HARRYS
BRYTHYRZ. Heavy D sits down for a gnosh as Big Ron joins Wright up on the
apron - and Wright tags out. Karagias with a kick, right, right, right,
into the ropes, shoulderblock by Harris. Scoop....and a slam. Tag to
Wright. Cover...1, 2, Knoble kicks him in the head to save it. In the
corner, knife-edge chop by Wright, right by Wright (HA!), into the opposite
corner, belly-to-belly overhead release. Into the ropes, pressing him up,
Karagias manages a dropkick. Wright is aghast, and tags out. Karagias
decides to tag out as well. Lockup, Harris puts him down, into the corner,
shoulder to the gut, ringing his bell, another shot to the head, opposite
corner, boots up by Knoble, clothesline off the top rope...for 1, big boot
by Harris. Wright wants the tag, and gets it. Cover, leg is hooked,
Karagias saves after 2. Karagias with a springboard dropkick, then breaks
into Driving the Cadillac while Knoble kicks away on Wright in the corner.
Knoble over to Karagias, asking him to please consider getting back on
track and helping him stomp a mudhole in his opponent. Wright manages to
recover, but the double clothesline is ducked - double dropkick! NOW they
both stomp on him. Harris in to join the fray - grabbing Knoble, into the
ropes, charge sidestepped, Knoble up to try the Ten Punch Count
Along...Harris tosses him at three. Clothesline ducked, picking him up,
headscissors takeover by Knoble! Now Heavy D comes in, H bomb as Knoble
comes off the ropes - meanwhile, referee "Blind" Jamie Tucker has managed
to get Karagias back in his corner just in time for Wright to stagger over
and make a cover, leg is hooked - 1, 2, 3. (2:55)
HEY! Nash and Page are WALKING!
"Our world is about to change...AGAIN. BLOOD RUNS COLDER. GLACIER: the
Ice Age returns to WCW...again." This *COULD* have been really funny,
except our commentary team just *falls all over themselves* to tell us how
awful Glacier was and how they can't BELIEVE he's back, ruining any
enjoyment you and I could have had by saying the very same things, only to
find out later we had to eat our words because we were legitimately swerved
by what they eventually DO serve up, which can't be anything BUT a joke
NOW. Did that make sense? It's like when your parents tell you "This is
gonna be cool" about something, and you think, well, MAYBE it COULD have
been cool, but now because they TOLD you so, well there's just no WAY it'll
be cool NOW. Even if it turns out that it IS. It was RUINED.
Anyway....hopefully the commentators can just let the joke play out on its
own without constantly feeling a need to tell us "hey, look! It's a joke!"
or without me saying "well, what did we expect? This is WCW!" because,
truth be told, tonight's show hasn't been all that bad. 'Course, we got an
hour to go...
Another look at the limousine.
I don't know why, but we cut to taped comments from Ric Flair. "Hi, I'm
Ric Flair, CEO of WCW. In light of Lex Luger's charges that Bill Goldberg
be disqualified for spearing referee Mickie Jay last evening at Mayhem,
which as we all know would have ended Bill's streak AND his career, I have
made this official decision. I have been reviewing the tapes all day and
weighing the options and this is what I saw. Under normal circumstances,
Lex Luger would be correct - it would be a DQ. But what Lex Luger
conveniently failed to mention is the fact that he pulled referee Mickie
Jay in the way of the spear. If it wasn't for Luger, the referee wouldn't
have been in harm's way. As a result, I have the grounds to DQ Lex Luger
for putting his hands on a referee; however, like I've said in the past WCW
is about winning and losing. I made that very clear to everyone last
night. After talking to Bill Goldberg today, there's no way that Bill
would like this match to end in a DQ, so I have made the following
decision: at Starrcade, on December 17th, Lex Luger and Bill Goldberg will
meet one last time to decide who is the winner. We will find out then if
Bill Goldberg's streak will continue, or if his streak will come to an end.
I'm Ric Flair, CEO of WCW. Thank you, and enjoy the show."
KEVIN NASH (with stills from Mayhem) and DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE come
out with a few minutes of self-serving crap regarding some guy just
arrested for driving while intoxicated again. HEY YO, I'M IN JAIL! "Theme
from Wolfpac" plays a second time....but it's MIKE SANDERS & MARK JINDRAK &
SEAN O'HAIRE. Sanders says something about people sitting at home while
the NBT's were burning the house down, coattails and it's really not bad,
but I'm protesting this segment, so sorry. "At least Ric Flair knew when
to step aside and let the seasoned veterans [the NBT's] take over!"
Anyway, Sanders promises they'll get the belts back at Starrcade, Page says
"hey, why not now?" and so they rush the ring and...
INSIDERS v. MARK JINDRAK & SEAN O'HAIRE (with Mike Sanders) - Billy
Silverman finds his way in the ring and the Pier Four erupts. Page and
Jindrak end up outside, so we're down to two in the ring. Whip into the
corner, O'Haire no-hands it up to the top rope, backflips off, laboured
backhand to the gut (God, Nash sucks), kneelift (Nash sucks), right, right,
right, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick, right, right, left, O'Haire
should just REALLY kick him - THAT'D get him to do a better selljob. Nash
fires back with a right, kneelift, right, in the corner, knee, knee, right,
right, right, into the opposite corner, clothesline, elbow, brush hair back
(the ponytail is coming undone!), crotch chop for Jindrak, elbow for
O'Haire, into the opposite corner, boot up by O'Haire, Nash falls back to
his corner where Page is perched on the top rope, Page FALLS INTO THE RING
(ha!) and completes his clothesline - 1, 2, kickout. O'Haire's trick knee
acts up and he tags Jindrak, who says "THIS is a springboard clothesline,
old man," and gets 2. Word on the street is Adam Sandler stars in "The
Wedding Singer" on Friday! Blatant choke, then O'Haire give him a right
while Silverman isn't looking. Stomp, stomp, stomp, tag. Doubleteam kicks
- shoved into the corner - again - and one more. These guys must think
they're Tazz and Raven - double clothesline puts Page down. "DDP" chant
and TV-14-DL ratings box. Tag, right by O'Haire, kick by Jindrak, into the
ropes, tilt-a-whirl tried, but Page hits a headscissors (yikes!),
clothesline is ducked, clothesline HITS, 1, 2, O'Haire drops the elbow to
break it up. Nash in, Nash and O'Haire outside and brawling. Diamond
Cutter! 1, 2, Sanders pulls Silverman out - the problem with this spot is
the ref inevitably hits the canvas a third time on his way out. Sanders
with a right for Silverman - Nash over with a shot - set up for the
truckstop powerbomb but PERFECT EVENT & RENO are out with a baseball bat.
Page and Nash take heavy damage from the six Thrillers. Palumbo & Stasiak
collect (steal) the belts on their way out. I guess we'll call it... (no
contest 4:27)
Starrcade ad - hey, they stole the WWF PPV promo music! I cannot imagine!
Thunder ad - Jarrett's been edited in - hey, look! Stasiak was wearing his
old WWF trunks!
Gene O. stands with Stevie Ray. "You know, Gene, I would do anything I
have to to get my hands around that sad sack crackajack Scott Steiner's
neck! Steiner! You gonna PAY for what you did to my brotha! And Gene,
come Starrcade, he might not know WHO Ric Flair has in store for him. Can
U dig what I'm sayin', sucka?"
RENO (with Mayhem stills) v. COLD BEER (entrance 1:33) - So Reno
went all the way backstage with the Thrillers, just so he could get this
entrance now? OHHHHH...so we could see him make that "Rollin' the Dice"
*hand motion!* Ewww, there are entirely TOO MANY of Goldberg's bodily
fluids on display during this walk backstage... YIKES! Was that gum or a
SUPER LOOGIE? That'd make a FUN screen capture, wouldn't it? (Jackhammer
-> pin 1:39) Post-match, THE NARCISSIST shows up, chairs Goldberg...who
thinks about it...then decides to sell it. Big chair in the gut. Big
chair across the back. Luger signals for it! BIG TORTURE RACK!! The ring
fills with refs and road agents...but Luger keeps that Rack on until HE'S
done. Then he walks off to his music. "Who's next now?"
See the stars of WCW while you still can! Tickets on sale now for Kearney,
Lincoln for Nitro, Bossier City for Nitro and Starrcade in Washington!
Gene O. stands with the Filthy Animals - apparently, all is forgiven from
the egg attack earlier in the show. Mysterio: "Was that Jeff Jarrett,
Gene? We thought it was Gomer Pyle!" I think that's the highlight of this
segment, even.
WCW UNITED STATES HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP: TRIPPA B (with Mayhem stills)
v. GEN. RECTION (with "WCW Backstage Assault" for the N64) - Rection wears
a Hugh Morrus set of tights just to confuse me. Lockup, to the corner,
they trade rights, Bigelow goes to the face. To the opposite corner, elbow
sidestepped, Rection with an arm wringer. Snapmare takeover, legdrop on
the arm. Arm wringer again...Bigelow to the eyes to break it. Chop. Head
to the buckle. Into the opposite corner, chest bump, kick, kick, blatant
choke. Elbow to the back of the head. Punch to the back, punch, snapmare,
to the chinlock. Arm falls once, arm falls twice, will he go down in just
over two minutes...oh, arm doesn't fall thrice. Crowd murmuring approval -
Rection to his feet, elbowing out, elbow, but Bigelow connects with a knee
to the gut. Hudson wonders if the US titleholder might be the #1
Contender. Into the ropes, duck, clothesline by Rection but nothing doing
- another clothesline DOES put him down. Northern Lights suplex (!).
Going upstairs...but the Savage elbow MISSES! Bigelow with a MONSTER
powerbomb! Bigelow going outside...and looking under the ring. He's found
a table! Set up outside the ring...but SGT. A-WALL comes out and pulls the
table away. Bigelow sees this and lets go of Rection in order to badmouth
him. Rection puts a knee in the back. Axehandle. Got him down...going up
for No Laughing Matter - 1, 2, 3! (4:40)
Buff Bagwell carries the power of Lee M Cardholder's WCW MasterCard
Close captioning where available sponsored by Wizards of the Coast's WCW
Nitro trading card game!
Gene O. catches up to Scott Steiner and Midajah. "See, Booker T, he LIED
to the fans, he LIED to everybody! He said you'd have to KILL him to take
the belt - pry his cold dead hands from the belt - he LIED! Stupidity
obviously runs in the family, 'cause I ended Booker T's career - I'm gonna
end Stevie Ray's career tonight!" Okerlund turns to Starrcade - has he
heard anything? "I really don't give a damn who Flair picks, I'll tell you
what - cameraman, follow me...follow me right now..." Steiner goes out to
the limo [Hudson: "I've always wanted somebody to do this!"] and opens the
door - who's in it? A woman, another woman, another woman, and so
on...also M.I. Smooth with some protest. "Smooth - what's goin' on with
these ugly bitches?" "This limo belongs to Mr. Nature Boy Ric Flair!"
"That explains all the uglies comin' outta here." Smooth says he'll be
happy to hook him up with a limo, but *this* one is for Flair. "So you're
the one responsible..." "Yeah, I got the limo, it's mine--oof!" Steiner
punks him out.
JEDOUBLEF JADOUBLEREDOUBLET v. RAYMOND STEREO (with Konnan, Kidman, Tygryss
& Adam Sandler in "The Wedding Singer" Friday at 8 on TNT!) - Jarrett says
he's got a little prank for Konnan after he takes care of Mysterio...and
Kidman best not even THINK about interfering. Mysterio right, right,
right, into the ropes, leapfrog, Tygress trips Jarrett up, springboard
bulldog by Mysterio, off the ropes with a legdrop for 2. Into the ropes,
reversed, lariat by Jarrett. Stomp. Right. Into the opposite corner, but
Mysterio gets a boot up...BUT he leaps into a powerslam. Konnan up on the
apron and distracting referee "Blind" Charles Robinson...Jarrett over to
complain - Kidman pulls his ankles, tripping him up...then holding him for
a springboard guillotine by Mysterio. 1, 2, no! Into the opposite corner,
Mysterio springs off the bottom rope...but ends up on the shoulder.
Jarrett, seemingly without any idea of what to do with him...waits until
Mysterio drops and shoves him into the corner - spinning heel kick as he
comes out - singaling for the rough rider...but Jarrett gets a boot in the
groin to counter it. Into the ropes, back elbow, Boss Man straddle.
Kidman on the apron, ducking a right, holding him for Mysterio...Jarrett
ducks but Mysterio stops himself in time...they run along for a double
clothesline, which Jarrett ducks, but he falls to *Konnan's* clothesline
right behind them! Robinson's just gonna let all this GO, though.
Mysterio with a split-legged moonsault...but the knees are up! Jarrett
chokes him on the second rope, RIGHT in front of the rest of the Animals.
Going for another Boss Man straddle, but Kidman pulls him aside and Jarrett
crotches himself. Springboard Thesz press! Right, right, right, quebrada,
1, 2, kickout!! Dropkick by Mysterio puts Jarrett in the corner - Konnan
up on the apron to draw over Robinson while Kidman comes in - whip into a
baseball slide by Kidman, Tygress in for HER broncobuster - Mysterio in
behind her for the double. Into the ropes is reversed, Mysterio with the
trademark spin, punch ducked, Jarrett dumps him onto the apron, head to the
gut through the ropes, springing over to Jarrett who stops him...and DROPS
him with a BIG BIG powerbomb. That's it! The Stroke is academic - 1, 2,
Kidman and Konnan pull him out. Robinson misses it as Tygress jumps on the
apron just in time. After a big doubleteam, they roll him back into the
ring - Mysterio puts him in the ropes, reversal, brings him up, Mysterio
head scissors him down. Mysterio outside as Jarrett grabs the gee-tar -
springboard INTO THE KABONG. Of course, Robinson sees THAT. (relaxed DQ
4:29) Kidman in - ducks the clothesline and hits a sitout powerbomb.
Konnan puts him in the ropes, tumblin' clothesline....Jarrett runs off.
Mysterio is announced the winner - MAN that pretty much defied all logic.
WCW Magazine ad
When we come back, Paulshock stands with Jarrett, who says if they
want to play the numbers game, he'll have a six man tag for the Filthy
Animals on Thunder
WCW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE - STEVIE RAY v. AD BREAK
Scott Steiner and Midajah are WALKING!
Meanwhile, a black limousine pulls up outside...
Starrcade ad #2 - "You cannot imagine" - you know, given the past few
outings, I'm starting to think I CAN
WCW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE - STEVIE RAY v. SCOTT STEINER (with Midajah) -
title vs. career - I think the best thing we can pray for is a DQ win for
the froot booty man. Steiner starts to jaw with fans, so Stevie runs up
the aisle and punks him out from behind. Into the railing - into the
railing again. Midajah looks ready to swing that lead pipe - and does. DQ
WIN FOR STEVIE! Oh, wait, referee "Blind" Mark Johnson musta MISSED that
somehow. Steiner puts him in the barricade. To the other side - forearm,
forearm. Back to the OTHER barricade. Forearm across the back, knee,
knee, knee, knee. Exchanging pleasantries with the fans. Rolled into the
ring. Oh, NOW they ring the bell - gotcha. Ignore that last 74 seconds.
Kick, forearm, right, mouth, right, right, right, right, right, words for
Johnson. Forearm. Into the ropes, reversed, Stevie Ray with a bicycle
kick! Steiner manages an atomic drop. Steinerline! Kiss the bicep
elbowdrop. "Oh no no not yet!" as he does some pushups. Kick, kick,
right, right, right, right, right, right, right, pose. Running kick to the
face. Right. Wrapping the left arm around the top rope, knife-edge chop.
Forearm to the back. Stevie Ray turns it around! Chop, right, right,
right, kick to the groin by Steiner stops it. Tossing him through the
ropes to the floor. Into the safety rail...sooo slooooowly. Chair to the
gut, to the head, to the head, no DQ yet, Johnson? Rolled back into the
ring...clubbing blow to the back, again, in the corner, kick, kick,
wrapping the arm around the top rope, knife-edge chop, into the opposite
corner, Ray ducks the charge, clubbing forearm to the back, knee in the
back, waistlock...going for a belly-to-back suplex? Well, Steiner is
elbowing out, so we may never know...elbow, elbow, elbow. Steiner with a
belly-to-belly suplex. Leg is hooked - 1, 2, kickout! Off the ropes,
stomp. Steiner picks him up and puts him in the corner - whip to the
opposite corner - elbow up by Stevie Ray - standing side kick. Irish whip
into the opposite corner, Steiner, reverses, Ray holds on - gutshot, DDT!
Midajah holds the ankle, Stevie turns to face her...big mistake...Steiner
over with a forearm to the back of the head. Another big forearm. Vertical
suplex (sorta) - big backbreaker across the knee. "It's over!" Steiner
perched on the second rope..."Get up you son of a bitch!" Then he says
SOMETHING about a Book End, and sure enough Stevie Ray catches him and hits
the Book End! Either he was taunting him or calling a spot, who can say.
Ray slowly covers - 1, 2, Steiner gets a shoulder up! Into the ropes -
Steiner forgets to catch the boot, so Stevie offers it again, Steiner
swings it round and gives him the Steinerline. Is it Steiner's fault this
match is sucking, or Stevie's? Or both? Ray goes outside - Steiner
follows - whip into the barricade is reversed by Stevie Ray! Chair to the
head! Back in the ring....Ray in control? Whip into the opposite corner -
but Steiner gets the boot up. Blockbuster suplex. 1, 2, shoulder up!
Steiner picks him up - into the ropes, head down, kick by Stevie Ray,
pounding the back, SLAPJACK!! Not really covering...and only getting 1.
Ready to go up to the top...but Midajah is up on the apron. Of course,
Stevie watches HER...allowing Steiner to recover, get up under him, and
drop him in the electric chair. Steiner says that's it...and clamps on the
Steiner Recliner. And Stevie Ray....gives it up. Sigh. (6:55) But
that's not Scott Steiner's music playing...it's SID VISCOUS come back to
kill us all...oops, he only gets two seconds because we're out of time
credits SEE YA!
First hour was great, but the second hour was...normal WCW.
But, gollly! Sid Vicious in the Starrcade main event?
You're watching BULL!
Christopher Robin Zimmerman
www.CRZ.net