by Christopher Robin Zimmerman
WrestleLine/WrestleManiacs
CORRECTION: I thanked "Michael" for suggesting Hakushi as the new team
name for the Islanders 2001 in the RAW report; of course this should have
been *Morbius.* I guess I'm pining away for MiCasa just like the rest of
you...
KINGS UPDATE: 38-18, 1.5 GB Portland (but with the same number of losses) -
I *think* we can manage to beat the Clippers tomorrow
UPN - Thursday!
One World Leader Attitude - WWF!
Close captioned are the opening credits of the show with the
I LIKE PYRO - coming to you 1.3.1 from the Tucson Convention Center in
Tucson, AZ (taped 27.2) and airing on the United Paramount Network (y
transmitido en espanol SAP), THIS is WWF SmackDown! Your hosts are a pair
of kings - MICHAEL KING COLE & LARRY KING - huh? Lawler was WHAT? Let's
waste no time...
The cavalcade of kings continues in Lawler's memory as KING KURT ANGLE
(with WWF: The Music [Volume 5] CD cover) makes his way to the ring - no
fireworks for the former champ, which may mean we'll see him again later
tonight in action. Sign in crowd: OLYMPIC CHUP - what the hell is a chup?
"Ang Gull Sux!" chant. "People, I'm not asking you to be quiet - I'm
DEMANDING it! Olympic Gold, King of the Ring, European Championship,
Intercontinental Championship and the WWF Championship - there hasn't been
a single goal in my life that I have not accomplished, and that's why it
makes me very upset that I walked out of RAW last Monday night not
achieving my goal for the evening: snapping the Rock's ankle in two. Now I
know that close doesn't count in this world, but look how close I actually
came to making that happen. Roll the footage. So you people don't like
that. So what you're saying is that you prefer the Great One as WWF
Champion. Well that's fine with me, actually - I mean, I'm a people
person. So why don't we give the People what they want and show their
beloved champion one more time in all his glory - this time in slow motion?
Just a few more precious seconds, and the People's Ankle...would have been
shattered in two. Now the Rock is walking on his own power today simply
because of one man...the man who saw fit to come to his good buddy's
rescue. I'm talking about the Rattlesnake, Stone Cold Steve Austin. Now
Stone Cold, you may have thought that you were saving the Rock last Monday
night, but you did something far worse...lookit that. Stone Cold, you did
something far worse - you made me angry. And you do NOT wanna make me
angry! (He's Kwee-Wee!) And Stone Cold, I'm not the only one that you
made angry. Look how your pal, the Rock, responded after you came to his
rescue. As clear as day. Now there's gratitude for ya - the Rock, going
for the Rock Bottom on his good friend the Rattlesnake. Now Rock, Austin,
you can tear each other apart for all I care...just not tonight. Tonight,
that job belongs to me. So Rock, Austin, I'm issuing a challenge to either
one of you... ["Ass hole!"] The first one to walk in...gets the honour of
bein' carried out. It's true. It's *damn* true." First music that hits
is "Step Up (or Off)" and THE STONE COLD CHALLENGE ANSWERER strides to the
ring...right by Angle...and right to the corner for the first of four
poses. And now he's got a mic of his own. "You know, Kurt...I'm in the
back icing down a cooler of beers...and I hear you out here flappin' your
gums about how many titles you won, how many awards you won, and it don't
impress me one single bit. And you go on to say how angry you are. I
don't give a damn how mad you are, Kurt. Then you go on to mention two
names - you mention Stone Cold Steve Austin and you mention the Rock - so I
figure, hey, Kurt Angle's got something important to say, finally. I was
wrong. What you went on to say and I'll paraphrase it was you're either
gonna whip my (beep) or you're gonna whip the Rock's (beep) and then
whoever's (beep) you whip, they're gonna be carried out by a stretcher,
that's what you said. As far as the Rock goes, Stone Cold Steve Austin and
the Rock ain't pals, we ain't drinkin' buddies, it ain't nothin' like that.
What the Rock is is the World Wrestling Federation champion, so I got - I
said - I said I got a vested interest in his health. But you know what?
Since you ain't the WWF champion, I could give a rat's (beep) about your
health. So if you want me to whip this city slicker's (beep) gimme a hell
yeah." But before the crowd can finish their response, the second song
hits and IF YA SMELLLLLLLLLLL walks to the ring carrying the belt alongside
him in his right hand. Austin's gaze never leaves the Rock as he hits two
of the four corners for posing, then HE gets a mic of his own. Crowd
chants "Rock E." "Kurt Angle, you actually have the nerve, the audacity to
come out here running your mouth, and try and stir things up between the
Rock and Stone Cold Steve Austin. You see, the Rock says that's fine,
because the Rock and Stone Cold have something you don't have - something
you possibly couldn't fathom - the Rock and Stone Cold - WWF title match at
WrestleMania, and quite frankly put, the Rock and Stone Cold have a
date.........with . Stone Cold, with all due
respect, you may have a vested interest in the WWF Championship, but let
the Rock make one thing perfectly clear - crystal clear - the Rock
doesn't...want your help, and the Rock doesn't...NEED your HELP." "Wait a
minute, now apparently I see it differently. I--" "It doesn't matter how
you see it! Because the fact of the matter is this: is the Rock came out
here for one reason and one reason only, and if there's anybody gonna be
whoopin' your candy (beep), it's gonna be the Rock!" Austin continues to
stare at Rock...Rock returns the favour...and on cue, "No Chance in Hell"
plays and BILLIONAIRE VINCE comes out...with WILLIAM REGAL! "I certainly
hope everyone appreciates the gravity of this situation. Quite frankly,
I'm impressed - I'm impressed - I'm certainly not impressed with these rude
individuals here in Arizona...but I am impressed with Kurt Angle...when you
consider the size of the grapefruits that it takes to come out here and
challenge, in one night, either Stone Cold or the Rock - that's impressive.
And of course, we do have a problem that you've created, Kurt. Which one
of these two inidividuals will face you here tonight? Well, being the
problem solver in life that I am, I think I can handle this one. You see,
Rock, before I knew Kurt Angle was coming out here, before I knew you were
coming out here, despite the fact that you competed at No Way Out, despite
the fact you almost had your ankle broken this Monday night, here In This
Very Ring tonight...you will be defending the World Wrestling Federation
championship...and you will be defending that title against a most
deserving individual...William Regal. Which of course means, Stone Cold,
as far as you're concerned, you versus Kurt Angle." Austin lights up the
world with his smile. "Well, if it's gonna be me and Kurt Angle, hell,
there ain't no use to waitin' 'til then--" and he pops Angle while Rock
gets in a few on Regal. Angle and Rock end up on the outside - Austin
follows and shoves Angle's medals in his face while saying something or
other. Rock is content to mug at Rock from the inside.
Despite his newfound intensity, Kurt Angle *still* shills SmackDown! 2
And now, Greyhound and that creepy dog in the jacket bring you the
Overdrive of the Week! From RAW, Trish Stratus and Stephanie...umm...yeah,
with the mop. Noticably absent is any commentary from Jerry Lawler.
Q: Is Jerry Lawler's firing a work or a shoot?
A: Have you seen ANY evidence of Jerry Lawler on this show tonight? If you
haven't seen it on TV, it must not be a work...
Let Us Take You Back Two Weeks where Matt Hardy and Lita shared a
Greco-Roman liplock.
Backstage, LILIAN GARCIA stands with Jeff Hardy. How's he feel about this
budding romance? "Yeah, I've always considered Lita the sister that we've
never had, you know, and uh, I guess Matt felt a little different. Um, his
emotions took over. Ahh, there was some romantic camoflauge that was
covering them, like, invisibly. And he took it off. And hey, you know, I
might not get to see 'im as much as I used to, but it's great. If he's
happy, I'm happy."
MATT HARDY & LITA (with SmackDown! is brought to you by Stacker 2, Whacko
Tobacco, and Chef Boyardee Overstuffed Ravioli) v. CRASH & MOLLY HOLLY in
clammy, defrosted intergender action (with the Rock on Byte This! tomorrow!
ad) - Men start. Lockup, gobehind by Crash, standing switch, scoop by
Hardy...and a slam. Cover - 2. Gutshot, scoop..and a slam. Elbowdrop
MISSES - dropkick by Crash swatted away. Arm wringer by Hardy, reversed by
Crash, Hardy pulls off - and shoves Crash. Crash punches back - head to
the buckle, kick, kick, right - Hardy back with four rights. Jeff Hardy
watches on the Magic Window. Right, into the ropes, blind tag by Molly to
Crash's back - Crash up and over off the ring, double single leg trip by
the cousins, double superfluous forward somersault, double suplex gets two
for Molly. Hardy pops up rather unhappy. "Are you insane? What are you
doing?" Hardy decides to tag out rather than continue against Molly.
Lokcup, armdrag takedown by Holly to an arm bar - to a snap arm wringer,
another, trying a suplex but Lita blocks into a small package for 2.
Setting up for the Twist of Fate - spent a bit too long screaming, Holly
counters into a Northern Lights and bridges for 2. Chop by Holly, chop,
into the ropes, picking her up but Lita headscissors her down. Holly ducks
a clothesline and hits a death suplex. They both tag - Hardy ducks, right,
right, discus right, HAAA, clothesline off the ropes gets 2. Crash put in
the corner, Hardy down on all fours for a boosted clothesline by Lita -
this brings in Molly, who grabs Lita by the hair and helicopters her into
the ropes and outside - head to the apron is blocked, Lita hits one
instead. Back inside the ring, Crash improvises a powerslam for 2. Hardy
put in the corner, reversed, boot up by Crash, but Lita grabs his ankles
and makes a wish. Molly up in the adjacent corner - somersault Thesz
press!! 1, 2, Lita dropkicks her off. Crash tosses HER out, but Hardy is
quickly behind with a forearm - in the corner, right, Crash punches back,
exchanging punches, Hardy ducks one and dumps him with a dangerous looking
backdrop. Lita up top - pendulum 'rana for Crash! And a shot for Molly to
keep her away as Matt hits the Twist of Fate - 1, 2, 3. (4:09) And now
it's time for a little public display of affection - ooh yeah - give it to
me - ooh - ooooooh - oh. Excuse me, I need some time to myself for a
moment.
Back in the locker room, Christian catches up to Angle and tells him he saw
what happened - and Austin's attack on him "totally reeked!" Angle says
he's ready to take out that damn cheapshot artist. This leads Christian to
talk about the Dudleyz - when Edge's back is better, total revenge! Angle
tells Christian he shouldn't wait for Edge to be better - hell, *he* lost
the WWF title but Monday, he almost put the Rock in a wheelchair! He urges
Christian to take some initiative and make a statement - just like he's
gonna do later, when he breaks Austin's leg. Crowd: "ooh!" "Make a
statement - that's good advice, Kurt..."
XFL on UPN hype
Speaking of the XFL, their cheerleaders appear in this ad for Stacker 2
Speaking of the XFL, in the local slot, the EXACT same XFL ad plays, but
with an added graphic for information on Demon tickets. (Cheap!)
Here's a look at Tucson, where it's probably about 90 degrees, even this
time of year, this time of night...
Wow! ARIZONA DIAMONDBACKS take up the front row!
In a locker room, Malenko and Saturn ask Guerrero if he's talked to Benoit.
Guerrero plays dumb. Let Us Take You Back to Monday and show you what
happened. When we come back, Benoit enters the picture. "What the hell do
you think you're doing?" "Look, Chris - I know Monday night, you don't
think I was there for you, but I promise you man, I'll be there for you
tonight." "Look, I'm gonna say this one time and one time only, so listen
very carefully. Look at me when I'm talking to you!" "I'm right here...my
brother." "Look, I just don't trust you right now, so tonight, you stay
the hell outta my business. You come near me, you come down to the ring,
you come on the stage, if I even hear that you're watching my match on a
monitor, you and I are gonna have it out...and I will end you." Malenko:
"Come on, Chris - Chris, he hears you! Eddie hears you! He'll be back
here with us tonight." "You know, I don't understand you...I mean, I
really don't understand you. Have I EVER let you down before? I have been
there for you every step of the way - I have even BLED for you, and you
come to me and talk to me this way, man? What gives you - WHAT GIVES YOU
THE RIGHT TO COME AND TALK TO ME LIKE THAT, ESE? HUH? I WAS *HURT!*"
Saturn: "C'mon, c'mon...let's get through tonight, you guys work this out
tomorrow." "Work it out?" "Yeah, work it out later on--" "Work it out?
Do you wanna try me? Do you wanna TRY me? You bring your Latino Heat
anywhere near that ring tonight...and prove me wrong." Guerrero walks off,
spitting out something out in Spanish.
Moments Ago, Christian took a chair to Buh Buh Ray Dudley's back - kick,
and chair to the head. "I'll tell Edge you said WASSUP."
Lita and the Hardyz take it to the extreme with RAVIOLI - so Lita only
appears on SmackDown!?
You're watching WWF SmackDown! on UPN!
Wanna win ten luxury seats for the Demons' next game at Pac Bell Park? Get
yourself a UPN 44 Discovery Guide!
Our commentators shill tomorrow's two hour block of God-awful claymation on UPN
Backstage, Ivory, Goodfather and Buchanan are gathered outside a door.
Apparently, Steven Richards is still "interrogating" Val Venis. "I hope
the rumours aren't true..." "Steven will find out the truth." "He better
- for all that's right and all that's just, he better..."
CHRIS BENOIT (with WWF: The Music [Volume 5] CD cover) v. X-PAC NEVER
(2-0-1) JOBS IN SINGLES MATCHES (with Justin Credible chopping HIS crotch?)
- later tonight, Kane and Undertaker team with D-Von Dudley against
Rikishi, Haku and Christian! Before *this* match begins, "Latino Heat"
plays and EDDIE GUERRERO rather defiantly walks down the aisle to
ringside....and takes third headset. X-Pac tries to sneak one in, but
Benoit chops him down. Kick, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick, kiick, kick
,kick, kick, kick. (That was eleven.) Big forearm. Did he just call Cole
"Miguel?" Backbreaker across the knee for 2 as we see DEAN MALENKO & PERRY
& TERRI come out. Guerrero explains that he's a team player, he's a
Radical, and he'd *never* do *anything* to hurt Benoit. Head to the buckle
by Benoit. Kick, kick, kick - Benoit decides to go out and approach
Guerrero - "I'm on your side, ese - I'm on your side." Malenko holds him
back - back to the ring where X-Pac is waiting with a we didn't see it.
Right, kick, kick, chop, chop, right, kick, arm wringer, Benoit fires back
- right, right, right, into the ropes is reversed, X-Pac with a
sleeper...Benoit dropping... Guerrero says Ross might be better served
asking Chris if he's on the Benoit team, or the Radical team. Ross asks,
hypothetically, if he's better than Benoit. "Well is there a question in
your mind if I am or if I'm not, JR? (quietly) Well maybe that's
something we oughta we found out." Benoit fighting out of the sleeper -
right, right, right to break it, off the ropes and X-Pac hits the heel
kick...for 2. Benoit off the ropes - X-Pac tries the sleeper again, but
Benoit hits the death suplex. He's going up top...and hits the swandive
headbutt!! Guerrero makes a *great* "approval" face off this. Both men
are down - referee "Blind" Tim White puts on the count. At five, both men
are up - Benoit knocks him down, into the ropes, another knockdown, into
the corner, German suplex out - holding on for two - breaking the waistlock
to lunge at Credible, who was on the apron. White turns to Credible, and
Benoit returns to the waistlock, only to fall when X-Pac's trick knee acts
up. Guerrero gets off headset and hits the ring as X-Pac kicks Benoit.
Saturn puts Terri up on the apron to make sure White misses what goes on
behind him - Guerrero forearms X-Pac, who staggers into the crossface - and
he taps! X-Pac jobs (after screwy interference)!! (3:39) Credible hits
the ring and punches on Benoit, but Saturn and Malenko hit the ring and
take HIM out. Nice Northern Lights by Saturn...then he chases White out.
Benoit fixes a steely gaze on Guerrero...who leaves the ring and backs up
the ramp. The rest of the Radicalz slowly follow behind...where's the Hand
of Friendship? We find out not as we cut to
Hey lookee here - it's William Regal! And he's WALKING!
What's all the rage these days? Check out the Rock and you'll know it's
WALKING!
And now, a classic WrestleMania moment - WrestleMania: the showcase of the
immortals! From WrestleMania III in 1987, Mean Gene Okerlund announces an
indoor attendance record: 93,173 - and Aretha Franklin sings two words.
Richards appears from behind his door to address his troops. "Be patient -
I fear the worst may have happened. Be prepared...to take action." The
door closes and we hear Richards *screaming* at Venis.
WWF CHAMPIONSHIP: WILLIAM REGAL v. IF YA SMELLLLLLLL DOT COM - "Now I know
a lot of you, my friends, think that I only have this title shot because of
my association with Mr. McMahon, but you couldn't be further from the
truth. I have this title shot because I have earned it through my superior
wrestling ability. Now, I know that there isn't a lot happening here in
Tucson, but tonight you are going to get to see your goodwill ambassador
become the World Wrestling Federation champion, and I.....and I will be
defending my title against Stone Cold Steve Austin at WrestleMania! Thank
you!" Regal stomps Rock on his way in - left, left, left, left, left,
kick, kick, kick, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp. Left,
Rock with a right, right, right, right, into the ropes, reversed, Rock with
a flyling clothesline. Stomp, stomp, stomp, Regal to his feet, reversing a
whip into a side Russian legsweep. Cover - 2. Regal covers again - 1.
"Regal sux!" Knee, knee, Euro uppercut, stomp, Regal outside and dropping
Rock's head against the apron. Forearm across the chest. Stomp, stomp,
Austin is watching a monitor in his dressing room. Rock blocks the left,
right, right, gutshot, DDT. Hooks the leg - 2. Regal ducks a swing and
hits a death suplex for 2. Regal tries again - 1. Austin watches
intently. Regal pops him - stomp. Regal with a ... hmmm. Straitjacket
knucklelock? Now to something I can call more easily - a headlock. Rock
to his feet - right, right, right, block, right, block, right, right, Regal
reverses the whip attempt, Rock reverses the whip, then hits the
belly-to-belly throw - right, right, right, NOW KISS THAT - no, Regal
ducks, Euro foream - going for the snap cobra clutch slam, but Rock evades
it, pulls him into the spinebuster, and clamps on the Sharpshooter! But
here's KING KURT ANGLE running to ringside - Rock relents on the hold to
give Angle a (wait for it) right hand - Angle back in and forearming Rock
down (DQ 3:16 - hmmm) Angle tries the anklelock on Rock but Rock pulls
himself underneath the ropes and outside...then grabs a STEEL chair and
runs back in - Angle decides to take off. He promises to get him later.
Meanwhile, Regal has the misfortune to stagger up behind Rock - WHACK!
Play his music!
Let the Rock tell you a little story about pie. And share his custom
Internet browser!
Triple H makes his only appearance of the night...in this Weider Dynamic
Muscle Builder ad (Hey, he was in that WWF: The Music ad just a minute
ago!) Oh, well, yeah.
Moments Ago, it was tough to be the Rock
In the office, Regal tells McMahon he hopes that he isn't too disappointed
in him because he lost. "Well, look - in my book, William, you're a
winner, all right? And quite frankly, what you don't understand is, I'm
not disappointed at all - you see, this is part of a plan - this is part of
a much, much bigger plan."
Our commentators wonder what McMahon means. Somehow, Jim Ross turns this
into a segue to
Let's Take a Special Video Look at the burgeoning feud between Jesse
Ventura and Rusty Tillman. Remember, if you watch NBC on Saturday night,
you're telling them that it's *okay* to "book" the XFL this way. (I'll
probably tape it, though - hell, why not)
Back to the RTC saga - Richards & Venis emerge from behind the door. "Mr.
Venis has confessed. You know what to do." "How could you be so weak?"
and Goodfather throws a right. "How could you? (Right)." "Everything
that we fough for. (right) Everything we believed in! (right)" Ivory:
"I am SO disappointed in you - (slap)." Richards: "This is for your own
good. Gentlemen!"
WrestleMania X-Seven Magazine ad - featuring an award-winning photo of
Jimmy Korderas
WWF: The Music [Volume 5] ad
You're watching WWF SmackDown! on UPN! (Looks like they aren't showing
that one with the Road Dogg in it anymore - hee hee)
XFL ad in the local slot, too. For Demons tickets, repeatedly bang your
head into the nearest wall
"Don't Try This At Home" PSA
Here's a Look at WWF New York - Heat will be live this Sunday! (Well, on
that other coast)
Moments Ago, Val Venis was ... ah, hell, I forgot, it was so long ago. I
must mention at this point that the Kat hasn't been mentioned ONCE....but
maybe we'll finally hear it now?
The RIGHT TO CENSOR drag Val Venis out to the ring as we take pause to
learn that Chyna's "If They Only Knew" is up to #2 on the New York Times
Hype & Marketing List. Richards will speak first. "The temptations of the
world are sometimes too much for even the strong to avoid. But the Right
to Censor understands the evils of the world and how it corrupts the most
innocent of souls. We fight the good fight, and it is difficult. We are
not perfect - but we strive for morality and decency." He hands the mic to
Venis. "I stand...before all of you as a man who could once look himself
in the mirror...but now, that image disgusts me. For years, I led my life
as a man who knew no better, and that was my excuse, but tonight I stand
before each and every one of you as a man with no excuse. As a man who
fell off that straight and narrow path, as a man...who chose lust above all
else. Because I wasn't strong enough, because I wasn't man enough to turn
away from temptation...I let that vixen wrap her perversion around me...and
I took pleasure in its emptiness!" Venis falls to his knees and cries.
"Steven...Bull...Goodfather, Ivory...I don't deserve your pity, and I
certainly do not deserve your forgiveness, but I am so very, very sorry...
I never meant to hurt any of you, I never meant to let any of you down.
And I certainly never meant to make the biggest mistake of my life... I
can't change the past, I can't, but I can promise you this: with the help
of the Right to Censor, I can once again become clean of the immorality
which I let creep into my heart. Guys...I am sorry!" and he sobs again.
Richards: "I would like everybody here, and sitting at home, to forgive
this man who has lost his way! Forgive him! Forgive him, just as the
Right to Censor has." Richards cups Venis' chin and helps him up...then
offers a hug. Group hug time! But no sooner have they hit the group
salute than the music fires up...and the ACOLYTES hurry out. The ring is
quickly cleared of all but Richards - who gets a very special Hades lariat
and powerbomb from Bradshaw. Play their music again! Don't *ever* expect
to hear the name "Kat" ever spoken again in the WWF, by the way. She's
gone, baby - gone.
Hey hey! It's the Undertaker and Kane! They! Are! WALKING!!
XFL hype - it's all starting to run together, you know - when's this season
OVER?
Stacker 2 - cheerleaders - moving on
Q: Why would anybody on this *planet* pay $44.95 to see Holyfield/Ruiz 2?
A: Don King is fleecing Latinos by playing up Ruiz' ethnicity (where's Phil
Mushnick on THIS one?)
And now, the Burn of the Week, brought to you by Stacker 2! From RAW,
Undertaker and Kane beat up Haku, Rikishi AND the Dudley Boyz
CHRISTIAN (with Edge's music...and Earlier Tonight) and HAKUSHI (thanks
again, Morbius) v. D-VON DAMN DUDLEY (with Heat hype - K-Kwik guest hosts
this Sunday!) and KANE (with WWF: The Music [Volume 5] CD cover) and
ROLLIN' ROLLIN' ROLLIN' ROLLIN' (on his Beautiful Titan Bike) - Rikishi and
Taker start - right, soupbone, right, soupbone, right, soupbone, soupbone,
soupbone, soupbone, soupbone, soupbone, soupbone, soupbone, soupbone,
soupbone...and a soupbone to put him down. Into the corner, running
clothesline. Off the ropes, but falls into a Samoan Drop. Kishi off the
ropes - DRUMSTICK DROP! Right hand from the Samoan - into the ropes, Taker
ducks, flying clothesline takes the big man off his feet. Arm wringer -
"old school!" PULL ON HIM KISHI - nope, Taker lands the vintage whatever.
Free shot for the partners, then a tag to Kane - right, right, right,
right, Kishi fires back. Into the ropes, head down, kick by Kane - triple
spin clothesline! Kane going up...flying clothesline finds the mark. Tag
to Dudley. Sunset flip attempt - that probably wasn't the wisest of
moves...but Dudley avoids the squash. Off the ropes with a neckbreaker.
Right, right, right, pulls him out, reversal, fat ass splash by Kishi, big
clothesline, and he's FINALLY turned it around. Tag to Christian - stomp,
stomp, stomp, stomp, Slop Drop/backbreaker combo across the knee (nice),
stomp, stomp, right, right, right, right, crowd shot, choke, right, leg is
hooked, 2. Tag to Haku - but Dudley getes a boot up - head to the buckle -
no effect as Haku gives HIMSELF three more for effect - Dudley with a
right, right, whip into the opposite corner is reveresed, dancin' HEADBUTT
- off the ropes with the elbowdrop! Stomp by Haku, stomp, off the ropes,
but the froggy headbutt MISSES. Tag to Christian, tag to Kane! Christian
pauses - but ducks the clothesline - but not the big boot. Kane with a
huge press - two reps - and a drop. Haku in - clothesline for him.
Tilt-a-whirl slam for Christian - Undertaker in to knock out Rikishi. Haku
gets the choke from Kane - and the chokeslam! D-Von Dudley climbs the top
rope instinctively - Kane gives the cockeyed curious face...then goes ahead
and spreads the legs for an unusual WAZZUP! Undertaker is all "damn, that
boy's *embarrasin'* me." D-Von breaks into the Testify Dance, but before
Kane can ask him to get something, Rikishi is in with the brutal
RIKISHIKICK to Dudley! Everybody outside - Undertaker in with Christian -
soupbone, into the ropes, kick by Christian...but Undertaker is ready with
the choke...and chokeslam! Taker is motioning for the Last Ride...and
there's the wedgiebomb. Leg is hooked, count to a hundred. Was either man
legal? Hmm. (5:48) Replay of Wassup - and Taker's reaction...Dudley's
dance...aand Taker's powerbomb. Coming back - "Wazzup?" Taker has a laugh
at his brother's expense now. They still give some power to the people at
the top of the ramp, though.
NEXT... we're gonna get another replay from RAW, but this one is SO
special, it gets its own "coming up next" bumper!
This month's WWF Fanatic Series presentation is "TLC: Tables, Ladders &
Chairs!"
Kurt Angle - "SmackDown! 2: Know Your Role" - you know the rest
Here's a snippet of "Pie" - by the way, "WWF: The Music [Volume 5]" debuts
at #2 with a bullet on the Top 200 Albums chart (behind Shaggy - and about
100,000 copies behind at that - thanks, super top secret inside source!)
Commentators shill the CD. "JR likes pie." JR refers to himself in the
third person?
Here's a Very Special Video Look at the Wacky McMacky fam'ly, or as I like
to call it, FUHFUHWID. Anyway, it culminated in the "dumpage" fun with
Trish this most recent Monday - go read THAT report, though I'm not sure I
say a whole lot more there either. Or go read the Jakked/Metal report -
this'll probably clog up a segment over *there* this weekend as well.
(Hey, shouldn't you notice that at least we hear Jerry Lawler's commentary
in *this* segment?) Well.....yes, I guess so. But you're hurting my
FUHFUHWID gag with all this extraneous commentary and analysis! (Do you
think I *care*?) All right, you're through - out of the apartment for the
rest of this show! (But it's RAINING outside!) I don't care - stay under
the roof. There's a big stack of newspapers for you to read.
WOW! Kurt Angle! And he's WALKING!
WOW! Stone Cold Steve Austin! And he's (hey man, it's COLD out there)
damn you, GET OUT OF MY REPORT
WrestleMania - it's what the world is watching
WWF: The Music [Volume 5] ad - I think they'll be GRAVELY disappointed if
it doesn't hit #1, but didn't Volume 4 only peak at #4? By the way, with a
whole bunch of new releases THIS week, don't be expecting that #1 for the
WWF. My money's on "Cydonia" by The Orb! Well...maybe not, but you should
buy it anyway.
And now, the WWF Boot of the Week, brought to you by Lugz! From Earlier
Tonight, McMahon books an Austin/Angle match - then Austin puts his Boots
to him. (I guess.)
IF YA SMELLLLLLL is out to break him off a chunk of this segment...as third
commentator.
KING KURT ANGLE (with pyrotechnics, finally) v. THE STONE COLD MAIN EVENTER
- Angle runs out to meet him on the ramp and let the punching begin! Block
by Austin, right, right, right, right, right, right, rolled into the ring,
Angle gets one, Austin with three...and a clothesline. Austin rolls out
after him - head to the commentary table - again - words for the Rock - and
again. Angle taken around the ring...and back in. Stomp by Austin. Stomp
on the head, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, wow grapevining a leg and putting
on a crossface! Angle grabs the rope. Stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp,
stomp, stomp stomp stomp stomp stomp stomp. I think I got 'em all.
Abdominal stretch! I wonder if Austin will grab the rope for leverage -
OHH YEAH! Angle cries out in pain but referee "Blind" Earl Hebner never
thinks to check - oh wait, he DID finally catch him. Angle put in the
ropes, head down, Angle with a kick, right, right, whip into the ropes is
reversed, Angle ducks the clothesline, sunset flip attempt, but Austin just
drops down and hits another thirteen rights. Whip into the ropes, Austin
helps Angle over the top rope to the floor...and follows with a smile for
the Rock. Head to the commentary table. Rolled back in. Vertical suplex
coming up - there you go. Cover by Austin - only 2. 1, 2, no. 1, 2,
kickout. Austin stomps. Into the ropes, KICK - but Austin grabs it before
wham and stunner and drops down with the anklelock! It takes Austin some
effort, but he *does* grab the rope. Angle refuses to let go - Hebner puts
on the count but Angle waits for 4. Stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp. Angle
gives Rock a look - and Austin a stomp. Austin outside - Angle out and
putting his head to the apron. Austin with a kick, kick, kick, head to the
commentary table - is blocked, and Angle gets one in on Austin! Angle with
ANOTHER ram into the commentary table. Rolled back in - belly-to-belly
release suplex. Belly-to-belly OVERHEAD suplex. 1, 2, Austin kicks out.
Leg is hooked - 2. 1, 2, no! Angle with a stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp,
stomp, around to the headlock. Austin down...but coming back up - gutshot,
right, right, right, hold is broken - Austin with a death suplex and both
men stay down! Austin back up - but Angle lands a knee in the mush. Front
face - down to the mat. Austin pushes him forward towards to the ropes -
so Angle puts his boots on the bottom rope for leverage. Now on the MIDDLE
rope - ow that hurts Austin enough to repeatedly kick the mat. Austin
manages to get to his feet, however - right to the gut, right, right,
right, right right right right right right - Angle releases and Austin hits
a suplex! Austin pulling himself up - Angle over - gutshot by Austin -
right by Angle - another kick by Austin, another right by Angle, kick by
Austin, right by Angle, right by Austin, right by Angle, right by Austin,
right, into the ropes, reversed, Austin ducks, ducks again, Thesz press!
Piston-like rights (nine) and off the ropes with the Austin elbowdrop.
Angle draped on the second rope - Boss Man straddle! In the corner, kick,
kick, kick, kick, kick, into the ropes, KICK - caught *again* and Angle
hits a belly-to-belly overhead suplex! But now WILLIAM REGAL is out as
Angle stomps away on Austin - right for the Rock, who gets up and strikes
first - six rights from the Rock, rolled into the ring, and Austin decides
to start stomping on HIM instead of Angle! Angle up from behind to knock
Austin down - stomp, stomp, stomp, Regal joining in the stomping....Hebner
calls for the bell. (DQ 9:19) Rock is content to watch the doubleteam on
Austin...Regal pulls up Austin, but he kicks both men in the nuts - double
noggin knocker - KICK WHAM STUNNER on Regal - turning to Angle - right,
right, right, right, right, right, right, right, meanwhile, Rock is in the
ring and AGAIN looks like he's poised to give Austin Rock Bottom - Austin
still on Angle...stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, Austin turns
around and - flinches! Now *there's* a look on Austin's face. I think
Rock just told him he could have done it - an uneasy staredown...the
credits are up and that's our final shot.
Christopher Robin Zimmerman
www.CRZ.net