by Christopher Robin Zimmerman
WrestleLine/WrestleManiacs
KINGS UPDATE: 10-3, the road is unkind. Down to second place, two games
behind Portland - we should back comfortably in fifth by next week.
Congrats to Tyrone Corbin for playing in his 1,000th game!
You are watching.........
TV-PG-DLV (sigh) - One World Leader Attitude - WWF
Let Us Take You Back to that Savage, Savage Song - slo-mo's of everyone
walking the aisle to the ring - awww, Stephanie and Vince seem so HAPPY -
awww, Andrew seems so SWEATY - lookit that perfectly framed "TEST - JUST
SAY NO" sign - lookit Triple H - lookit that video - lookit the passed-out
Stephanie - naah, I don't think Vince was snickering there...
Backstage, Vince brandishes a bat - Shane asks a stupid question ("What is
your problem?" Ummm....), then tells him there's a better way to do this
than coming within fifty feet, using the bat, and then hittin' the pokey -
Shane dares Vince to get through him if he's gonna go through with it.
Thousands yell "DO IT!" but Vince just paces menacingly instead...
Opening Credits and closed captioned logo
SMACKDOWN! It's SMACKDOWN! The Arrowhead Pond at Anaheim, CA 2.12.99
(taped 30.11) hosts SMACKDOWN! FIREWORKS! SMACKDOWN! En Espanol donde
sea disponible! SMACKDOWN!
STEPHANIE HELMSLEY walks to the ring with a heavy heart - they're BOOING
her? Brutal, cold, SoCal - I love it. Listen here: "I'd like to ask my
brother and my father to come to the ring - because I have something to
say to them. I have something to say to my friends and my family - I have
something to say to my fiancee - and I have something to say to all of
you." Backstage, Shane says "Enough is enough" a few times. Vince won't
surrender the bat. Dave Hebner arrives to tell the McMahons that
Stephanie is calling to them from the ring She NEEDS them. Back to the
ring-- "The only person that I have to blame is myself. And I accept full
responsibility for everything that happened in Las Vegas. I should have
known better - I shouldn't have partied so hard - I shouldn't have drank
so much, and I certainly shouldn't have taken that last drink from a
bartender I didn't even know - who I now know was working for Triple H.
I know I was drugged - I don't remember anything that happened shortly
after I took that drink. I--I don't even remember how I got to my hotel
room. I was just as shocked as anyone last Monday night on RAW when
Triple H aired the video of us getting MARRIED. I felt - disgusted. I
felt cheap...and I felt violated. I'd like to publicly apologise to those
whom I might have hurt - especially my friends and my family, and my
fiancee Andrew. I only hope that Andrew can - can maybe find it in his
heart to forgive me. But as far as Triple H is concerned, I will NEVER
forgive him for wrecking my life. You used me as a tool, Triple H - you
wanted - you wanted to hurt my father - and guess what? It worked. He's
crushed. So I have one piece of advice for you, Triple H - what goes
around...comes around." BILLIONAIRE VINCE & SKIPPY come to the ring,
surprisingly without musical accompaniment. Vince still wields the bat.
"Dad, Shane, I've asked you to come to the ring because I know what your
intentions are, and it's not what I want. Dad, you and my big brother
have coddled me and protected me all my life, but it's time for me to
stand on my own. I got myself into this, and I'll get myself out - no, I
want you both to promise me - you both need to promise me - that you will
let me handle this - my way. So that, so that maybe I can hold on to
some, some shred of integrity. Shane - will you promise me? Please
promise me." "I promise." "Dad? Dad, PLEASE promise me, please, I need
to do this on my own...Daddy...Daddy, if you love me, if you love me,
you'll promise me." Shane cajoles Vince until he barks out "I promise,"
and then leaves. Ahh, THERE'S "No Chance in Hell." Vince lumbers up the
ramp while Shane takes Steph's hand and they walk back up the ramp
arm-in-arm.
Viscera spruces up backstage and talks to himself. Like he NEEDS that
pick comb. Whoops, guess he was talking about Tori, 'cause Kane is in
there and a brawl's broken out. Let's take us some ad break!
May I repeat myself here? I'm CONVINCED that the tobacco companies make
those teen anti-tobacco commercials so cheesy ON PURPOSE - come on, you
think they WANT them to work? "Tobacco is whacko" - puh-LEEZE.
And now, Lugz brings you the WWF Boot of the Week! From RAW, X-Pac's boot
spinning in a heel kick (so to speak) 'pon the lovely countenance of Tori
- well, sorta lovely...
Back to real time, VISCERA and KANE have brawled out to the ring and now a
match has broken out!
VISCERA v. KANE - Kane with "what an enzuigiri," Viscera with "what a
belly-to-belly," and I think we all know that there's no need to bother.
Fortunately, before we realise what a crappy matchup this is, a voice
rings out: "Kane - I'd like to say that when I spinkicked your old
ladie's head off that it was an accident, but quite frankly I can't say
that at all - 'cause you see, it was SO intentional!" Go figure, Kane is
up after X-PAC just slowly enough to not make it before referee "Blind"
Mike Chioda gets to ten (COR 1:59) - but Viscera's music is cut short when
Kane comes back in and cleans house, culminating in the chokeslam. X-Pac
back out - Kane's thumb crosses his throat - and then he makes flames
appear as if he's entering the ring. For some reason, THIS time it scares
X-Pac.
Al Snow watches highlights from Monday - namely, the Rock's People's Elbow
on Al Snow. Over and over and over...Mankind happens by and cheers the
footage. Snow warns Mankind that tonight he's finally going to take the
Rock apart...
"WWF SmackDown! is sport entertainment featuring trained professionals. If
you try these moves at home, you're a complete jackass who deserves the
paralysis you're undoubtedly risking."
When we come back, Mankind is looking for Rocky. He's also pilfering some
candy canes.
EDGE & CHRISTIAN (you think?) v. THE HARDY BOYZ - WHOOPS, CHECK THAT - THE
DUDLEY BOYZ - Let Us Take You Back to RAW and a fun, fun card game between
the Acolytes and the Dudleyz. D-Von and Edge - chain wrestling to start -
wait, D-Von knows chain wrestling? Off the ropes, knockdown, off the
ropes, leapfrog, hip toss, dropkick, armdrag into an armbar. Tag to
Christian, both men take him into the corner, all fours splash from
Christian. Nice dropkick for 2. Off the ropes, duck, big-time
shoulderblock from Dudley - Tag to Buh Buh Ray. Right, elbow, right,
elbow, I smell a pattern, right, off the ropes, got him up - Christian
with a flying head scissors to counter. Edge sneaks in a right. Into the
corner - Christian up - punching D-Von - Buh Buh Ray counters into a
spinebuster. Punch for Edge to distract him, and they do the "D-Von
flying headbutt to the crotch" spot. Cover - only 2. Into the corner,
punches, whip, reverse, elbow up - second rope, Sunset flip by D-Von -
Christian rolls through, reverse into a Toronto Crab - Edge in to distract
for some reason - ahh, Buh Buh Ray breaking it up. D-Von into a cover -
only 2. Tag to Buh Buh Ray - right hand to the exposed ribs. "Let's go
right hand! You piece of cr-cr-cr-..." Headbutt. Words for Edge, but he
almost manages to not be distracted. Big clothesline by Dudley - 2 count.
Christian elbowing to come back - off the ropes, big crossbody block. Can
he make the tag? D-Von keeps referee "Blind" Tim White from seeing it.
Meanwhile, they exchange behind his back - choke - on the top turnbuckle
he's placed - Christian trying to kick him away - D-Von's got him - but
Christian turns it into a "reverse DDT!" And NOW we have that hot tag!
HOSUE A FIRE! Spinning heel kick on B.B. Ray! Scoop - and a slam for
D-Von! Edge ducks a clotheslinen and Buh Buh Ray hits his half-brother.
But Buh Buh Ray manages a fallaway slam on Edge. Second rope - Edge pops
up and hits him in the 'nards. Top rope Frankensteiner by Edge - but Edge
holds the knee. D-Von tagged in - big cross body and Edge is too hurt to
do anything about it. 1, 2, 3. (5:56) Christian in to try to help out
but he's one and there's two Dudleyz in there. Buh Buh Ray with a half
crab to make it worse - now the ACOLYTES are out, not to help, but just to
get some. The Dudleys are chased off, and Christian stands over his
brother again...
Backstage, Stephanie anxiously paces, waiting for Test. What will be
said? Let's watch some ads while we're all waiting!
Hooray! My first "Clapper" ad of the year! SCARE AWAY BURGLARS!!
Let Us Take You Back to Moments Ago where Edge "jimmied it, man." Looks
like an excuse to notice that Barbara Bush is here, to me. Or is that too
cynical?
D'LO BROWN v. BRITISH BULLDOG (with Mean Street Posse) for the European
Championship - D'Lo wearing a LUGZ T-shirt. Ewwww. D'Lo says that
everybody knows who the best European champion is, and it's the only guy
to hold it four times. He's the only guy who brought PRESTIGE to the
title - he's gonna take his size 13 Lugz and stick 'em where the sun don't
shine. Lugz? D'Lo better DIVIDE AND CONQUER with four men walking his
way! Referee "Blind" Chad Patten decides to flex his rookie muscle and
bars the Posse from the ringside area. Brown is all over him with fists
to start, whip is reversed, duck, kick from Brown, off the ropes, duck,
into a powerslam from Brown! Right, out of the corner, gutshot, ready for
a powerbomb but Bulldog turns it into a body scissors that flips them both
over. There's a slam, and there's 2. Bulldog disputes the count for a
rather longish time. Off the ropes, reversed, over, over again, Brown
takes Bulldog to the floor over the top rope. Brown ready to go after him
but Patten holding him back. Now BALD VENIS is out and stomping away on
Bulldog. Brown outside and working over *Venis*. In the ring they go,
whip is reversed, follow lariat. Patten figures out that this ain't the
Bulldog and calls for the bell. (DQ 1:56) Now all THREE men fighting in
the ring. Venis takes Bulldog out of the ring, but Brown hits Sky-Hi on
Venis. I sense that these issues are far from over...
Here's another look at Stephanie - a limo arrives...it's Triple H! Hey
there's one of those creepy Aphex Twin facial expressions from Triple H -
excellent! "Honey... I'm home!"
WWF WrestleMania 2000 ad.
..........UPN!
Here's a look at the Pond - the home of WrestleMania 2000! This Saturday,
wwf.com presents your ONLY chance to get tix via mail order! WrestleMania
XVI is Sunday, 2 April 2000!
Are you ready? D-GENERATION X comes to ringside - sans Triple H, that is.
They are wheeling shopping carts full of - wedding presents? into the
ring. X-Pac speak first, yo: "Since we're at Killacali, bow down when DX
comes to your town! You know what makes DX so great...is that we do what
we say and say what we do, and Kane, I say what I'm doing to you at
Armageddon is I'm gonna beatcha, I'm gonna humiliate you in front of your
old lady, and then I just might, for all the people in the crowd and all
the people around the world, rip that mask off and show everyboy what you
been hidin' under there for so long! Yo, Billy, tell 'em the dilly."
"Now, Armageddon, the New Age Outlaws - THE greatest tag team EVER in the
World Wrestling Federation - put the tag team titles on the line against
(heh) the Rock & Sock Connection. Now Mick, I read your book and couldn't
even get by the Introduction, it was so horrible - and Rocky, I think
you've said it best, so at Armageddon, the New Age Outlaws will show the
Rock & Sock Connection why you ABSOLUTELY SUCK!" "The future, the future,
but there's no time like the present - you see tonight, it's New Age
Outlaws, X to the P to the A to the C, against the Hardy Boyz and the WWF
Champion, the Big Show! Well Hardy Boyz, up until now, the New Age
Outlaws have been making you - tonight, we start breaking you! You see,
you've acquired the services of the World Wrestling Federation Heavyweight
Champion, The Big Show Paul Wight, but even D-Generation X can overcome
that obstacle! You see, Paul Wight, you're not a mountain that we can't
climb - but enough about us. This week is a week of joyous celebration, so
now, without further ado - ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, children
of all ages...D-Generation X proudly brings to you--no, no, no... not only
is he the Game, not only is he our faithful leader, but he is the latest
member of the McMahon family - TRIPLE H - HUNTER HEARST HELMSLEY!" "No
Chance in Hell" (!) starts up and out bounds Triple H in Vince mask...when
he removes it, HIS music kicks in and as he brandishes his wedding ring
once again - wow, Triple H sure got pretty damn cool all of a sudden.
(Oops, did I say that?) Congratulations are shared. Helmsley says he's a
little bit tired, but feeling pretty good. Dogg says they've bought a few
presents - first up is a McMahon family portrait with Triple H's head
added to the background. "I didn't think anybody could have a bigger head
than Vince!" "Two toasters? I could NEVER heat up that many buns at
once! Proctor-Silex - that's a good model right here!" There's an
iron...Billy Gunn offers a gift he picked out himself - lingerie. "Is
that even in your size?" "I don't think that's is gonna fit me!" "I
don't know, it looked great on ME!" "Are these babies crotchless?"
"Yeah, I think so..." X-Pac is kinda bummed out - he got the same
thing..."it'll look great on her, I'll tell you that right now - HIS box
is empty. Dogg gives a front row ticket to Armageddon - for Stephanie to
watch Triple H destroy her father. H compliments their thoughtfulness,
reminds us that Stephanie's father is in fact his father-in-law, and
she'll get to watch him get the living crap kicked out of him. He'll even
up the ante by making his match with Vince "Anything Goes." Oh boy, and I
was *worried* that we'd have a straight wrestling match between these two!
For an encore, Triple H promises to beat Vince until he can no longer
stand up.
Mankind's caught up to the Rock and warns him about Al Snow's mental state
- Rock starts to tell us how he doesn't fear "Al," when suddenly Snow
climbs on Rock's back and wails away. Mankind pulls them apart - and Snow
yells at him to stay out of it...
Moments Ago, that last paragraph happened. This time, we not only get it
with a "Moments Ago" in the corner, but also with a TV-PG-DLV ratings box
in another corner!
Stephanie is still waiting for "her former fiancee." Check.
Tonight's show brought to you by THQ's WrestleMania 2000, WWF: The Music
(Volume 4) available at Hasting's, and Tom Clancy's Rainbow Six!
MANKIND comes out for a chat with the fans - and you and I! "Hello
Anaheim! You know, I like to think that I don't ask for a whole lot of
favours - but I'd like everybody to do this Sunday, here in California,
around the country - is go down to your local store, pick up the New York
Times, because they sell that Sunday edition everywhere - I want you to
look at the bestseller section...in the book section and I think you'll
see that on the bestseller list - well we've got a couple of
ex-presidents, we got three presidential hopefuls, we got the first man
who walked on the moon, we got two Pulitzer Prize winners, and we got the
Dalai Lama, and at the very top of that list...at #1 - well, you got a
first-time author named Mick Foley - and he's kickin' their asses! So
it's gonna real difficult for me to come out here and thank all the book
critics, because they're too damn stupid to read it themselves - I can't
thank the magazines and the newspapers because it's beneath them to read a
book that a pro wrestler wrote, so what I'm gonna have to do is thank
wrestling fans around this country for making MY little book Numero Uno!
Which is very nice, but I gotta be honest, it's kinda hard to sit back and
enjoy that when I got a situation going on where my two best friends are
at each other's throats - what I'd like to do is kinda make an emotional
appeal to both Al Snow for acting like a total idiot, and the Rock,
although I know at this point Al deserves it, to maybe put your situations
aside, forget about this whole thing, and let's make it maybe - the Rock &
Sock & Al Connection." The Y2J countdown interrupts proceedings and there
is CHRIS THURSDAY JERICHO making noise at the top of the ramp. "Could you
please, please cut it with the sentimental, sappy BS? I mean, you're out
here whining and complaining - 'my two best friends are fighting, I don't
know what to do' - I got news for ya - both those two idiots aren't your
friends - that hate you! Everybody hates you! All the people at home -
all these people in this arena hate you! And most importantly, Y2J hates
you. And you wanna brag and boast about a #1 Bestselling book? Big deal!
The only reason anybody bought your book in the first place is they were
hoping that you would die at the end of it! That's why I'm BEGGING you and
PLEADING with you...please accept my challenge of a match tonight, and
that way, when I write MY highly-anticipated autobiography, I can entitle
the first chapter 'ANAHEIM! THE NIGHT I ENDED THAT PATHETIC FEEBLE-MINDED
MIKE FOLEY'S CAREER'" "Wait, wait, wait, Y2J, what you're saying is you
want a match tonight? See, I've got a little better idea, 'cause I don't
feel like taking my fat ass and walking it up the ramp and back down the
ramp, so I say...let's have our little match right about now!" Wow, good
thing Teddy Long's just been STANDING there that whole time...
MANKIND v. CHRIS THURSDAY JERICHO - Lockup, to the corner, clean break?
Open handed slap from Jericho. Lockup, to the corner again, clean break
again, no, another slap. Mankind removes his mask and tells Jericho to
slap him again. And again. And again. Well, I think that's enough for
Mick - he WAILS away on him now. In the cornere, there's the running
knee. Clothesline takes Jericho to the floor. Up on the second rope -
Jericho scatters and the crowd boos. Jericho back in but Mankind catches
him. Right, into the corner, off the ropes with a bulldog. Mankind to the
apron - suplex attempt is blocked - again - Jericho with a hot shot to
turn the tide - springboard from the top rope into a SWEET dropkick that
takes Foley to the floor. Jericho tries a clothesline from the apron but
eats a right instead. Into the chair. Mankind grabs the chair, Long
tries to wrest it from him, Foley turns back around and Jericho dropkicks
the chair into Foley's face. Back in we go, Jericho all over him with
knees and elbows. Into the opposite corner, Mankind puts up a tennis
shoe, out of the corner, Jericho shoots under, double leg
takedown...Jericho going for the Walls of Jericho, but before he can turn
him, Mankind slips in a Mandible Claw (WHAT? WITHOUT THE SOCK?!?)
Jericho breaks it with a kick to the nuts. Off the ropes, head down,
Mankind with a piledriver. Kick, off the ropes, duck, flying jalapeno
from Jericho and both men are down. Well here's THAT SLUT CHYNA & MISS
KITTY to make sure we get no celan finish. Kitty distracting Long while
Chyna gets another waffle on Jericho with the IC title belt. Mankind's
now got the sock - but accidentally bumping into Kitty and knocking her
off the apron! Mankind turns back to see if she's okay - Jericho up with
a schoolboy - holy shit - 1, 2, 3! Jericho! Jericho! Jericho!
Jericho! (4:31) Needless to say, Jericho asks Long to raise his hand
several times.
Let Us Take You Back to Survivor Series and the hit-n-run on Stone Cold
Steve Austin. Cole tells us that neck surgery is required and Austin
WILL go under the knife. For more, we're encouraged to visit wwf.com.
Good God! CHIA LOONEY TUNES! SURELY this is a sign of the impending
apocalypse!
Test has arrived - sweet deal to not have to show up until 77 minutes into
the show, eh? - and he wants to know where Stephanie is.
OLYMPIC GOLD MEDALIST & CELEBRATED REAL ATHLETE KURT ANGLE & STEVE
BLACKMAN (with Riggs & Murtaugh) v. HEAD BANGERS - Angle up first: "As all
of you know, I am the most celebrated *real* athlete in WWF history! And
tonight, I am willing to give another *real* athlete the opportunity to
team up with me, the greatest wrestler in the whole entire world - thank
you. Now, to compare an Olympic gold medalist with a black belt in martial
arts would be somewhat degrading to my many, many accomplishments - but I
am willing to give Mr. Blackman a chance to prove himself to me and to all
of you - my wonderful fans." Who'd win between Steve Blackman and Kid
Romeo in a glowin' stick match? Blackman doesn't exactly want to shake
hands with Angle. Tix on sale Sunday for the Royal Rumble - at MSG!
Wahoo! Angle wants to start first, Mosh meets him in the ring, knee from
Mosh, to a side headlock, countered, off the roeps, shoulderblock, off the
ropes, leapfrog, other, clothesline by Mosh, scoop - and a slam, legdrop,
cover, 1. To the corner, tag to Thrasher. Gutshot, clubbin' forearm,
kick, set on the top rope, tag to Mosh, Beverly Brothers up'n'over into a
sitdown. Blackman decides that he'll never win letting THIS continue, so
he comes in with a superkick to Mosh and a shove to Angle outside the
ring. Mosh with a surprise rollup for 2. Angle, on the outside, is a
little unhappy about this, nobody telling him that this is a lucha rules
match. Off the ropes, shoulderblock, off the ropes again, Blackman puts
up a chop - now with karate chops on Mosh. Backbreaker across the knee.
Nice swandive headbutt from the second rope - better than Benoit's! Well,
maybe not - but it gets 2. Mosh sidesteps a charge in the corner, then
manages a side suplex - Blackman crawls to Angle and makes the tag, Mosh
manages a hot tag to Thrasher. HOUSE ON FIRE! Down you go!
Clothesline! Another! Clothesline! Scoop slam of Angle - 2 count, Angle
kicks out and Blackman breaks it up. Pairing up, each Banger is whipped
into the other - there's a little slamdance in the centre of the ring.
Blackman surprises Mosh with the Lethal Kick, as Thrasher clotheslines
Angle down. Blackman hits a Lethal Kick on *Thrasher*, who falls backward
into a reverse fireman's carry from Angle - oh yeah, it's 3. (2:55) Angle
goes into his celebratory histrionics, while Blackman - LOOKS ON! WOW!
No, apparently, the gist is that Blackman doesn't know what to make of all
this. Cole says Blackman won the match wtih his kicks - yer damn right -
and Lawler offers, "he's just shocked to be so close to greatness!"
Test meets Stephanie. Hug isn't returned. "I was drugged, I was drugged,
I don't remember anything, I mean, I know it was my fault...I still love
you, love you. Do you...still love me?" "Steph, I don't know what to
feel anymore." And he turns and walks off. Geez, Mr. Cameraman, have a
heart! We don't HAVE to watch Stephanie cry!
Let Us Take You Back to Moments Ago - "Do you...still love me?" "Steph, I
don't know what to feel anymore." Man, just like LAST time!
Stephanie finds consolation in Daddy's arms. Vince says "he'll come
around - give him some time." Stephanie: "I'm so sorry...I'm so sorry..."
WWF Armageddon is ten days away and MechWarrior 3 makes it possible!
CRASH HOLLY (with Hardcore & Scale Holly) v. RIKISHI (with Too Cool) -
Hardcore joins our pair of kings - MICHAEL KING COLE and JERRY LAWLER - at
the commentary table. Rikishi comes to the ring with Too Cool's music
instead of his cool music - also he's lost his last name. Crash gets
first blow, and that's about it. Rikishi stole the Diamond Cutter!
Anyway...oh, it's over. (Sitout piledriver -> pin :52) Very impressive
for Rikishi to hoist the 505 pounds of Crash on his shoulder like that.
NOW IS ZE TIME ON SHMACKDOWN VENN VE DAHNSE!
The Rock - is - IS - *WALKING*!
If you think the WWF fights dirty, check out Dilbert! UPN Tuesday!
Hey, in that "Tobacco is Whacko" ad, the dude's smoking "Plantation"
cigarettes. Call me funny, but that sounds kinda RACIST. I think I
better write somebody a letter!
Now that we're TV-PG again, we can bring back the toy ads! "TitanTron
Live!" "PLAY TIME'S OVER!" YEAH! I SURE MISS THE TOY ADS!!!
And now, the WWF slam of the Week, brought to you by THQ's WrestleMania
2000 for the N64 - from RAW, Al Snow gets the Rock & Sock Connection
disqualified, and suffers the People's Elbow as a aresult.
Wow, ANOTHER exterior of the Pond - must be time for another WM tix plug!
LA ROCA v. AL SNOW - interesting that this is NOT our main event, isn't
it? "Finally, the Rock has come back to Anaheim! Now, to the jabrones in
the TV truck, the Rock says run the footage of what just took place."
"Earlier Tonight" footage again shows us Snow attacking Rock from behind.
"Al Snow, you wanna jump the Rock from behind like a true candyass? Well
the Rock says, let him tell you what is going to exactly take place
tonight. In about a minute and thirty seconds when the Rock stops
talking, your crappy music is gonna play, you're gonna walk down that
ramp, the Rock is gonna get out of this ring, meet you at that ramp, and
begin to whip your monkey ass all over Anaheim!" (sniff - "Rock E")
"And when the Rock is ready, in the middle of the People's Ring, on the
Rock's show, (SmackDown!) and more importantly than that, in front of the
millions...and millions of the Rock's fans, the Rock is going to deliver
the most electrifying move in Sports Entertainment, the People's Elbow.
One, two, three. If ya smellllllalalalalalalalowww...what the Rock....
... ... ... ... ... is cookin'." True to his word, Rock meets Snow on the
ramp. Rock ducks the Head and lets loose with fists. Into the STEEL
steps, in the ring, opening bell. Snow gets the upperhand as Rock enters.
"Rock E" chant as Rock reverses into a lariat. Head to the buckle. Right
hand. Head to the buckle. Into the corner, Snow slides out, ducks, and
hits an unusual jawbreaker. Right hands from Snow. In the back, Mankind
wathces on a screen as Snow takes Rock into the corner, but he pops out
with a swinging neckbreaker. Rock takes Snow outside and follows. Face
first into the announce table. Whip into, reversal, into referee "Blind"
Mike Chioda. Snow grabs a chair and WAYLAYS Rock with it. To the ribs,
to the shoulder, again, Snow takes his head to the table, into the ring,
cover - Chioda slowly in - 1, 2, no! Scoop slam from Snow. Snow motions
to the top rope - and the fans boo. MOONSAULT! 1, 2, no! I hate the
Rock, too! Rock reverses and there's a backdrop suplex. Snow and Rock up
at about the same time, Rock sidesteps the charge and puts him in the
corner, right, right, right, out of the corner, bringing him back, Samoan
Drop, 2 count! Rock with rights. Snow reverses, knee ot the gut,
repeated elbows to the back. Whip is reversed, there's a spinebuster from
the Rock. Just like Monday...and it's time for the People's Elbow. Oh
well. 1, 2, 3. Pin me, pay me. (4:54) Snow outside - he's got Head -
and he CLOCKS Rock from behind! Back in the ring, stomping away! And now
the NEW AGE OUTLAWS are out to take advantage of a chance to work over
half of their Armageddon opponents. MANKIND is out swinging a chair to
make the save - the Outlaws scatter but Snow *almost* needs a love tap
before he clears out and gets off the Rock.
WWFwired.com brings you interactive Austin! Pour beer on him and watch
him give you the bird!
Let Us Take You Back to the pin. Hey, somebody threw a Taco Bell stuffed
dog into the ring just before it! Like we want REMINDERS of Pepper. Just
afterwards, the Outlaws...and later, Mankind...
NEW AGE OUTLAWS & X-PAC v. HARDY BOYZ (with Terri) & WELL IT'S A BIG SHOW
- I can almost SMELL the run-in! Hey, Matt Hardy busted out the "guns"
hand signal! King Ass and Matt Hardy start. Lockup, to the corner, Ass
with a kick, right, off the ropes, hiptoss is countered, clothesline
ducked, up and over, Hardy with rights, off the ropes, duck, arm drag by
Hardy, another, hip toss, Ass rolls out of the ring and says "drat!" Or
something similar, anyway. Whew, they're fast. Gunn complaining of a
hairpull - ooh, sneaky. Back in the ring...tag to the Road Dogg.
Lockup, arm wringer from the Dogg. Reversed, right, right, right, tag to
Jeff, into the ropes, double back elbow, patented doubleteam
senton/elbowdrop combo, cover for 2. Off the ropes, Jeff slides under the
bottom rope and dares him to come at him, then as Dogg tries the dropkick,
sliding through to the outside, Hardy flips over the top rope. Baseball
slide dropkick, stomp. Everybody back in, moonsault finds nothing but
Hardy lands on his feet, but he walked into Dogg's left, left, left, juke,
jive, right combo. Wiggly wobbly woomly kneedrop. Dogg throws him out
and Ass and X-Pac have some fun with Jeff while referee "Blind" Tim White
is distracted. Dogg tries the Ultimo Dragon kick between the
shoulderblades, what range! X-Pac in now and stomping away. Elbowdrop.
Snapmaring him over, into the chinlock. Jeff elbows out, off the ropes,
duck, head scissors by Jeff (landing on his head in the process) but he
walks into a spinning heel kick after missing a clothesline. Tag to Mr.
Ass. Gunn dares him to get up, then stomps on him to prevent him from
getting up. Tag to Dogg, double whip - double...well, whatever they were
trying to do (backdrop?), it was reversed into a double DDT. Big Show
wants the tag - and he'll get it. See ya, X-Pac. Nice knowin' ya, Mr.
Ass. Down ya go, Road Dogg. X-Pac on the top rope, Show calmly strides
over and then beals him with one hand into the Outlaws. Now everybody's
in - all fours leg lariat by Jeff on Dogg - one on Gunn misses, but Jeff
lands on the top turnbuckle. While he gets into position, Matt hits a
swinging DDT - Show over - Jeff with the sentonbomb off Show's shoulders
(!) - 1, 2, X-Pac breaks it up. Off the ropes, Matt Hardy with a second
rope springboard into a Sunset flip on X-Pac - 1, 2, 3! (5:33) As the
Hardyz and Big Show pose for the crowd with their backs to the ramp - oops
- BIG BOSSMAN lets loose with the nightstick, then runs off. DX, seeing
everybody down, decide to get back in the ring and strike. Now here's LA
ROCA running out to take some measure of revenge against the Outlaws for
earlier tonight. MANKIND is also out. And now KANE is out to take care of
X-Pac. The rest of the refs (hmm, Earl Hebner's got the night off?) are
out to separate everybody...and we're gone.
I sure miss all the sex and violins.
Christopher Robin Zimmerman
www.CRZ.net