/3 January 2000
TWX 71 (+ 1
5/16), SPLN 48 1/2 (- 6 13/16)
That "Best of Nitro" wasn't too bad at all, no sir, nope. I need about half an hour to dissect that first Nitro Grrls appearance, though. Maybe some other time. I think the most burning question coming out of that three hours, though, was definitely the following query: Just where the heck DID Gene Okerlund go?
This show ran a little long - we've turned the hour and they're
Ahh, THERE'S the WCW logo we all know and love
TV-14-DLS - Let Us Take a Special Look Back at Scott Steiner's speech - the NWO walking to the ring with the closed captioned symbol - the NWO spraypainting Sid Vicious' car - Scott Steiner whacking Sid Vicious with a baseball bat, removing his back brace, whacking Chris Benoit, and removing his shirt to reveal an NWO T-shirt, AND a monster truck crushing Sid's car ("with Sid inside!")
Cut to today - NOW - as a Lear jet is welcomed to Greenville, SC - is the new commissioner inside? Wait a minute..."Lear jet?"
Opening credits - hey, Tony, don't talk OVER them!
FIREWORKS! "It's a brand new year! It's a brand new century! Welcome to WCW 2000! As we begin the year 2000, hopefully off on the right foot for World Championship Wrestling" WE ARE LIVE from the BI-LO Center in Greenville, SC (I've said it before, and I'll say it again - *BI-LO is a Great Place to Shop*) 3.1.2K for a whole new (33% shorter) WCW Monday Nitro! I leave it to you to decide which sign gets more airtime - the "We Copy WWF" one, or the "WWF Sucks" one.
Let's check those brackets - Group 1 says Buzzkill & Rotundo vs. Harris Boys and PG-13 vs. Nash & Steiner, Group 2 says LeRoux & Midnight vs. Flair & Crowbar and Smiley Asya vs. Kanyon & Bagwell. Yep, all four of those matches tonight...and...?
BUZZ DOGG & MIKE ROTUNDO/A (with Kevin Sullivan & Leia Meow - and a trampoline) v. DA HARRIS BOYEEZ - It's he, it's he, it's the Beeyoodubbazee. Just to keep us interested, Sullivan forces Leia to jump up and down on the trampoline - David Spade sez: "I liked this better the first time I saw it - when it was on THE MAN SHOW." Rotundo takes the mic and looks for local heat by dissin' Clemson and hypin' Syracuse. Let Us Take You Back to Last Week and show you how these teams have advanced. Sullivan takes third headest and I have absolutely NO idea what Sullivan's talking about - something to do with Rick Steiner's absence. Rotundo and ... one of the Harris' start and each man gets a quick near-fall. Tag to Buzzkill - that's apparently Ron - there's a giant sidewalk slam for 2. Buzzkill loses his dreads for the millionth week in a row - apparently they were stuck to his bandana. Don tagged in - double whip, double back elbow. Now STANDARDS & PRACTICES are out, and their accompanying LEGS push Meow off the trampoline and in turn, *they* cover her up with one of their blazers. Sullivan and Rotundo over to play with Lenny & Lodi - err, whatever their names are - apparently Skye will now be known as "Miss Hancock" - snicker - well, in all this the Harris' cover Buzzkill for the 3 following a .... double flapjack, I think. The director can't be bothered to have it take up more than a tiny bit of my TV screen. (2:02) Post-match, the Varsity Club take out Buzzkill - then try for the Harrisses - but fail. LISTEN TO THE CROWD GET BEHIND THE HARRIS BOYS!
Your hosts are the AWESOME 3 and not Scott Hudson - I smell a power play! Tonight, Bill Busch names a brand new WCW commissioner - because Gosh darn it, that sneaky NWO has gone way over the line! Let Us Take You Back Once Again to the truck attack. We are told that Sid threw himself across the front seat of the car, and was very fortunate to only have a compressed vertebra in his neck. Some people wrote me last week to say that Vicious was MORE lucky to actually leave the car before the quick cut to the monster truck, but *I* didn't see it, even if they did. I especially didn't see it tonight with the conveniently placed edit, wink wink. Tonight, the rest of the Lethal Lottery tournament - quarters, semis, final! We will crown new tag team champions tonight! Also, a new commissioner! Lou Thesz and Bruno Sammartino's names are batted around by Heenan and Tenay. Who're those guys?
We see a motorcade leave the airport
We see this same shot - on a monitor in the NWO locker room. I see a boom mic! Nash says he heard the commissioner was either gonna be Orson Bean or the Z-Man, Tom Zenk. Isn't Bean DEAD? Jarrett wants to know where Hart is - Nash says he was delayed by fog.
Meanwhile, we see Hart arrive - but Sid Vicious lies in wait! He's wearing a neck brace, and brandishing a ... a ... well, some sort of metal rack. Maybe a bread rack! And Sid bends the...whatever it is...over Hart's back! We hear muttering from the NWO locker room - oops, that must have been a mistake.
The Wendy's 99 cent Super Value Menu replay is that attack we just
done seen - 'cause, you know, we might have MISSED it watching...the
Falcons and the 49ers!! Yeah!
Back to live action, the rest of the NWO has caught up to Hart - after he says he's all right, the NWO folks beat up the nearby EMT's that merely showed up to try to help. Don't those girders remind you of the logo of a competing sports entertainment show?
Here's a look at that motorcade - it's motoring
GENE O. works tonight! He meets up with an arriving Diamond Dallas Page and tells him (and us) that at Souled Out he's got a match with Buff Bagwell, Last Man Standing rules. Page says if he's not wrestling Bagwell tonight - see ya later. Curt Hennig interrupts things and tells Page that the Powers that Be want him wrestling tonight. Page asks who's in the ring now - Hennig says PG-13 - Page says "that works for me."
PG-13 (Hennig must be PSYCHIC!) v. KEVIN NASH & SUPERSTAR SCOTT STEINER in a Lethal Lottery Quarterfinal - JC Ice works the local heat by dissin' Greenville, then remarks on a fan's ears. Wolfie D raps for da people. Now I don't think DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE is in the bracket with PG-13, but nonetheless, here he comes with musical accompaniment and "feel the bang" pyro. Come to think of it, I don't see a referee in the ring at the moment. Go figure, Page manages to turn the tide even in the face of a doubleteam. Diamond Cutter out of a fireman's carry for JC Ice, top rop Diamond Cutter for Wolfie D, feel the bang, Wolfpac theme starts, Page goes out through the crowd, NWO theme cuts off the Wolfpac theme, briefly mixed with Page's theme, now back to the NWO theme, my head's spinning. Chyron says "NWO" for Nash & Steiner. Nash drops an elbow, covers, and referee "Blind" Billy Silverman puts in a cameo to count to three (no opening bell - I dunno - let's call it :15) and the NWO moves on. Spraypaint time! Heenan says "Verne Gagne."
Jeff Jarrett and Bret Hart - are - WALKING! Two belts, three baseball bats, one guitar!
Promotional consideration paid for by Slim Jim, America (ha!) Online, and Cheeseburger Hot Pockets! Cheezboigy cheezboigy cheezboigy no Coke Pepsi
"Hitman Hart: Wrestling with Shadows (the Soundtrack)" ad - I give it two thumbs up - beats the pants off the Mayhem CD. Would I lead you astray?
Closed captioning where available brought to you via America (ha!) Online!
Another look at the motorcade - how DOES that camera manage to stay ahead of it?
"Theme from NWO" plays once again and out comes Heenan says "Bob Geigel" and Tony Schiavone says "Ric Flair." When was the last time somebody guessed who somebody was before we saw 'em? Tony talks about Ric Flair's return (seen on the "Best of Nitro") just to see if we'll stay tuned. Oh yeah, the NWO is walking out to the ring (which means Nash and Steiner walked backstage - so they could walk out again). Hart: "Now I don't know if you people realise it but I was just jumped in the back parking lot ... so I guess big Sid didn't get the license number of that truck last week and he's taken to starting little petty games with the excellence of execution -
the GREATEST wrestler that ever put on a pair of tights,
and this company's World champion...what you are talking about is no
respect. And you know what happens when I don't get any respect. So Sid -
you big stupid dummy - I'm gonna take you in Souled Out, and I'm not gonna
need a truck or anything else, I'm just gonna pound your living skull in
and beat you to a pulp - just the way you deserve.... Oh just shut up and
sit down - I haven't even got strated yet. Sid, you talk about this being
your time - naw, this isn't your time. This is MY time - I am the best
there is, the best there was, and the best that there ever will be - and at
Souled Out, I'm gonna prove it all by myself. The rest of the NWO can have
the night off from here on in, 'cause I'm gonna have some fun tonight -
Jeff, take the floor." Jarrett: "Well I've just got a few things to say,
but first of all SLAPPY NEW YEAR. You know, Sid, if Bret wasn't so hot
atcha, I'D kick your ass for ya. The way I see it, I might as well kill
two slapnotes with one stone. Triple Threat Theatre, huh Benoit - well,
the way I see it - it's gonna three - it's gonna be a three-time ass
kicking. First off, I'm gonna torture you in the Dungeon match - your
match - then, I'm gonna manhandle you in my match, the Bunkhouse Brawl, and
then third, it's not gonna be you, it's gonna be ME coming off that Caged
Heat...that's right, not Benoit, ME coming off that Caged Heat, and Benoit
- you better be glad you're in Japan tonight, but Sid, you're here allll
alone ." But if Jarrett wins two matches in a row...oh well. Nash: "It'd
be nice if we had more than one microphone out here, WCW. Let me make sure
I got this clear. The NWO rears its sexy head one more time and WCW has
decided to appoint a commissioner - to do what? To do what, to make rules
we're gonna break? Hey Mr. Busch - sorry, buddy - it's a new millennium
but things haven't changed - the NWO is still the same sonofabitches we
always been!" Steiner: "You know, I thought I'd come out here and retire
again but I don't feel like getting misty-eyed two weeks in a row. You
know, last week, when I put on that Academy Award winning performance, and
I shed a tear, you people really wanted to like me - and then when you
thought when I was gonna retire, you didn't want me to go, because you
REALLY wanted to like me, but I can not only say - the feelings are not
mutual. See when I look at all you people, I don't see any of my fans,
because MY fans are educated, wear a suit and tie, and out on Wall
Street...but when I look at you in Greenville, all I see is a bunch of
gas-pumpin', tobacco-chewin', inbred, white trash! So boo me all you want
- I don't give a damn! Especially you with that Goldberg shirt on - in
case you haven't noticed, boy, Goldberg's no match for the NWO! And that
goes for you, Sid Vicious - you found out what happened when you tried to
be a friend of Goldberg - we kicked your ass - just like Goldberg! So al
you rednecks, white trash, stand up - and bow down to the greatest athletes
in the world! Bow down to the NWO! And then you can kiss our ass!"
The limousine has arrived at the back of the building! I bet nobody gets out of it for another - oh - twenty minutes!
DAVID FLAIR (with Daffney Unger and a crowbar) & CROWBAR (with a lead pipe) v. LASH LeROUX & MYDNYTE in a Lethal Lottery Quarterfinal - Heenan says "Harley Race!" Let Us Take You Back to Last Week and show you how both teams advanced in the tourney. Tony tells us that at the top of the hour, we'll have that new commissioner. Didn't see THAT one coming, didja. LeRoux falls on his keister, he's so surpised at Midnight's appearance - despite the fact that it came just following the lights going out and the gong. Aside from a nice pescado by LeRoux on both men out on the floor, nothing to note here - I'm really distracted (as is the occasional cameraman) by STEVIE RAY on fourth headset, making much noise about Midnight not "earning her money" and whatnot. LeRoux takes Crowbar into the STEEL steps in a nice spot. Ray now up on the apron demanding he tag in Midnight - so he does - and she slams LeRoux onto Crowbar. "I want to see her earn her money!" Midnight takes down Crowbar - handstand after a whip is reversed - nice dropkick. Ray pulls Midnight out of the ring following a reversed whip. Now referee "Blind" Billy Silverman is outside - Ray just decked Midnight! Meanwhile, LeRoux cleaning house on both Flair and Crowbar - aww, screw the match. DISCO INFERNO is out - BOOKA T. is out -
Blackjack crack on
Booker T! LeRoux with a nice Frankensteiner, Crowbar landing on Flair,
Whiplash on Crowbar - BIG
VITO and JOHNNY
THE BULL are in the ring and
working over LeRoux. Are Crowbar and Flair fighting with each other? Vito
with his jumping DDT - the wacky mafia guys are out - oh, TONY MARINARA
was around, too - how many people does that make? - Flair is covering
LeRoux for some reason, Silverman finally turns around, comes in and counts
And the BEST part of this segment is...no matter WHAT
happens, Daffney keeps jumping up and down and cackling. This *entire*
segment - IT'S JUST GOOD TELEVISION!
Total Package (dressed like Sting) and Elizabeth are ... wait for it ... WALKING!
Bret Hart turned his back on the world - and Souled Out is 16 January! Huh? I guess Hart "Souled Out." Right?
This is a major onsale announcement! This Friday, tickets go on sale for Savannah, Nitro in Tulsa, THUNDER! in Oklahoma City, and Nitro in Uniondale. Saturday tickets on sale for Charleston, Wichita, and THUNDER! in Philly!
Another look at the limo - with special "WCW logo" window - right after this segment (and a commercial break), we'll find out who's in it!
Backstage, LeRoux has a beef with Disco Inferno. "You don't understand, it's a very dangerous situation with these guys..." Vito and Johnny enter the picture and put the boots to Lash as something (possibly a "Jesus") gets muted - Tony Marinara directs traffic...and Disco Inferno looks glum.
THE NARCISSIST walks to the ring with LIZ to "Seek and Destroy" - I wonder how many of these people actually think that's Sting there. Luger runs the ropes and holds his fake hair on, then whoops it up. "Now I know last time, I tried to wrestle, the Total Package simply annihilated me. But hold on, I have a reputation to protect as the Stinger, so they say they have some no-name, useless wrestler lined up for a match tonight 'cause I need to redeem myself - I am back in black - awhooo - and it's shoooooowtime! Bring him on!"
THE NARCISSIST (with Liz) v. TANK ABBOTT - I don't think that's the useless wrestler he was thinking of. Let Us Take You Back One Week to show Abbott going through Shane like a hot knife. Later, he beat up Jerry Flynn - no mean feat, har har. Package putting some distance between himself and Abbott - outside the ring - now back inside the ring - Abbott looking kinda goofy. Package begging off, and Liz sneaking in on the apron and macing him! I do so enjoy these matches with absolutely NO contact in them. (DQ :50) Luger howls a couple more times - lets loose with one more "showtime," then steps aside for LIGHTNINGFOOT JERRY FLYNN to run down the aisle and get a little payback for last week. Can you imagine what it will be like in the block at Souled Out?
We look back at Package and Liz who stop short in their tracks as...ohmiGosh! It's - A CROW! What can it mean? Will we find out at Souled Out?
The NWO attempt to rush the limo but there are several security folks standing between them. Well, two. Okay, now there are a few more...
ROB GARNER (and the TV-14-DLS ratings box) is here on behalf of the WCW Executive Committee. "As a spokesman for the Executive Vice President of World Championship Wrestling Bill Busch, I've been sent out here tonight to send a message. As many of you know, since the writers (with iron-clad contracts) have come to WCW, our company has been in constant turmoil. It has been a constant struggle for power between the Powers that Be and Bill Busch since day one. Two weeks ago, as many of you probably know, the Powers that Be swerved the entire world and reformed the NWO - their boys. Well, tonight, things are gonna be a little bit different. All those people that we have depended on in the past can not help us at this time - men like Sting and Goldberg - they're at home nursing injuries. But all along, Bill Busch knew there was one man with the power and the knowledge to bring WCW out of the situation it's in - and in the end, if all else fails, he's just gonna have to go hardcore on them. Ladies and gentlemen, the man who made hardcore fashionable the day he set foot inside a wrestling ring...and the new commissioner of World Championship Wrestling...
Terry Funk." Well, all those "We want Flair" chants and
four fingers in the crowd were for nought - random reaction shots from the
crowd show ... well, not really much of a reaction, really. Again we cut
from one blank face to the next. That's precise timing to get the name out
RIGHT at the stroke of the hour, We must note. Flanked by about sixteen
security guys, TERRY
FUNK walks to the ring. Tony tells us last time we
saw him, he was partnering with Cactus Jack in the WWF - I guess we won't
get that last Jack/Funk WWF title match after all. Well, Funk's words here
will either save this - or bury it. "I wanna tell you people a few things
tonight - number one - I accepted the job as commissioner of the WCW - and
I'll tell you why I accepted the job as commissioner is because I love
professional wrestling - I love REAL professional wrestling - I love real
pain - I love real desire - I love real dedication - AND most of all is
that I love the real personalities in professional wrestling - not the
personalities of paper tigers that are created by the Powers to Be. Now as
far as the NWO is concerned, they're just a bunch of fat hogs following
along behind the slop wagon, except Vince Russo and Ed Ferrara are not
throwing out slop - they're throwing out easy money. What I would like to
do to Vince Russo and Ed Ferrari is stick a sky rocket up their exhaust and
blow their damn brains out - but I can't do that without help - I need
help. I need an Enforcer - and I want that Enforcer to come down. Come on
down - ARN
Anderson comes out flashing the Horsemen sign on both
hands - were we supposed to see that? Well, the Horsemen theme is playing,
anyway. Anderson asks Funk if he may have some mic time please. Crowd:
"We want Flair! We want Flair! We want Flair!" Arn: "Do you hear that
in the back? Powers that Be - and if there's ever been an oxymoron, that's
one. This is real emotion - I'm looking at a lot of familiar faces around
this arena...Greenville, South Carolina, Terry - some of 'em are sayin' 'I
grew up on that guy,' some are sayin' 'I loved that guy, that's when
wrestling was great,' some are sayin' 'I hated that guy, I wished he was
dead,' but it's all real emotion 'cause I earned it by dumping a gallon of
my blood all over this arena on any given night. That's something you
don't know anything about - Ferrara. Vince Russo, because I didn't script
it with a pen, and I didn't erase it with an eraser. I gave these people
all the blood 'n' guts I had, every time that they say me. That's the
reason that I can walk through these dressing rooms and not look over my
shoulder, and I don't have to live in an ivory tower, and send people down
like Nash and Scott Steiner, and Bret Hart, and Jeff Jarrett to do my
bidding. I'm man enough to do what I wanna do. So is Terry Funk.
Somebody recognised that when you fired me, and they put me back to work.
Guys like you have been tryin' to get rid of guys like me but just never
had the guts to do it face-to-face - ("We want Flair!") you hear that in
the back? That's somebody else that earned their respect. So I'm telling
you - you think the NWO is gonna crank up on its own and rough runshod
again? You're outta your mind, you want guys like Terry Funk and me outta
this business, you're gonna have to drag our dead bodies out by the balls
of our feet." At this point, the NWO theme plays and the NWO is out.
Hart: "Well, well, well, Terry Funk. You know it's true - some guys never
know when to quit. Terry Funk - I thought you were so far over the hill
you were broke down on the other side, but you're still kickin'. You know,
Terry Funk, there's still a classy way for you to go - you can go in style.
You can go with the best there is - right here - the NWO. You may have
that big sea of goons there, all protectin' ya and making sure you're safe
and sound - but let me say one thing, Terry Funk, you can go the easy way,
or you can go the hard way - and no matter how you look at it - it's just a
matter of time." "Bret, I've got all the time in the world. I'm not going
ANYWHERE. You're not going to beat me and I'm not going to be beat,
because I am the Commissioner. And I am going to see that you're beat at
Souled Out. I am going to put a couple of stipulations on your match.
Stipulation #1: Do you hear me? Stipulation #1: if the NWO comes down to
ringside and causes a disqualification, you will automatically lose the
belt! Stipulation #2: is I want a very special referee for this particular
- a person that will do justice to WCW - Arn Anderson will you do me the
honours? You Arn, I want you to do me the honours." "I get the referee
the champ's match? Oh yeah, I'll take it - hey Bret! You get so much as a
half inch outta line, I won't be the only one wearing stripes, Jack." "Hey
Jarrett! As far as the rest of you guys are concerned up there, I heard
you said earlier that you would like to kick big Sid's ass. Well, you're
gonna have that chance and opportunity tonight. Because you are wrestling
big Sid with the US Title at stake in a powerbomb match! How do you like
that? And as far as you're concerned, Big Sexy and Scott Steiner, you two
are gonna have the opportunity to go for the tag team titles tonight -
let's see just how well you fare - because, you see, I am middle-aged and
crazy and I'm gonna see that you get screwed." "Hey Funk! First off, I
thought you were dead." "You might bee lookin' at a dead man walkin'!
Dead man walkin' but I'm walkin'!" "It can be arranged - it can be
arranged - so let me get this right - WCW has decided to bring you in as
Wyatt Earp, and I guess Arn Anderson over here is who, Doc Holliday? Well,
maybe you oughta look at the Enforcer lately - but he's already dead and
died of tuberculosis there, pal. His days are over - your days are
numbered. But you know what? You can make all the idle threats you want,
old man. Let me tell you what we're gonna do tonight. We're gonna do
things our way. We can come down there and go through [mute] but the
things is this, you know something there, Double A? Somewhere running
around this building half-crazy is your little godson David. So how about
we get a hold of him? How about we raise the ante a little bit there,
Double A? How about we play things the NWO way? Don't you guys realise?!
We make the rules! You don't make the rules! We make the rules!! You're
a dead man! You're a dead man!"
Promotional consideration paid for by Jolly Time's Blast'o'butter, Slim Jim, and Cheeseburger Hot Pockets (no Coke - Pepsi)
"Hitman Hart: Wrestling with Shadows (the soundtrack)" CD ad. That's that Gob track backing this ad, yup. The LYRICS, man. The LYRICS! Jim Raggi is probably embarrassed for me for liking this disc, too, but hey, WrestleManiacs' very own Keith Scott is credited with the Hitman's theme!
Yo! The Harlem Globetrotters at the San Jose Arena and the Oakland
Sting may be out injured - but he can still speak to you through a T-shirt ad!
Terry Funk is ready to spread out the security to help find David Flair. Arn says he's gotta take care of this one himself, but Funk says "your problems are my problems - we'll get through this."
BUFF IS THE STUFF & CHRIS "CHAMPAGNE" KANYON (with three ladies) v. SCREAMIN' NORMAN SMILEY & ASYA (alone?) in a Lethal Lottery Quarterfinal - "I have been to Hollywood - and this town ain't sure ain't Hollywood! Buff - YOU'VE been to Hollywood! You've made movies! I've seen your movies! Your movies SUCK. However, however Buff, lucky for you, lucky for me, you're a better wrestler than you are an actor, and because of that, you helped me advance in this tournament last week. As a thank you, as a peace offering, I will give you my champagne." Buff says Greenville IS Hollywood (what the hell does THAT mean?) and "we think you suck." Buff don't like champagne, and Greenville don't drink champagne - then he breaks the bottle on Kanyon's head. Buff don't like the GIRLS either, right? Naaah, just kidding. Smiley is dressed up as the Greenville Grrrowl's mascot - Grrruff, complete with Mantaur-sized bear head. Noticably absent from Asya's side are any of her Revolution mates. Bagwell with the windmill pose, then he laughs at Asya - 'cause he finds girls funny. Smiley knocks Bagwell down twice, then busts out a Bagwell-esque pose, which is fnny in the bear suit. Series of clotheslines from Bagwell. Off the ropes, reversed, kick from Asya, lariat from Smiley. Smiley with the "doin' it in da butt and smackin' my bitch up" dance and a tag to Asya. Stomping away. Legs parted - elbowdrop in a tender spot! Vertical suplex coming up - block - block - Bagwell with a suplex of his own instead. Asya tags in Smiley - Smiley dancing, Bagwell punching, back elbow, Norman screaming, Asya in, scoop - and a slam. Lariat for Smiley. Asya with the Golota - her best move, apparently - Smiley with the big bear head - asking Asya to hold him - oh, I don't like the looks of that...sure enough, Bagwell ducks and Smiley bowls over Asya with the big head. Bagweel with a clothesline. Blockbuster coming up - 1, 2, 3. (3:03) PERRY SATURN is out - a bit too late, if you ask me - SHANE DOUGLAS and DEAN MALENKO are out and apparently Saturn wants to go at it with Asya - and vice versa! Douglas stands between them while Malenko holds back Asya. Now HACKSAW JIM DUGGAN is out and cleaning house on the three male members of the Revolution - until Saturn nabs the board and takes Duggan down with it. Triple-team stomping until KONNAN & KIDMAN make the save. The Revolution runs off - maybe I've blocked it, but I've forgotten what the deal is with Asya and the Revolution. Maybe I'll go back and read last week's report. Ehh, maybe not.
Funk and Anderson look for David
The NWO look for David
The crowd chants "USA" 'cause Duggan's still out there - heh heh heh
The NWO are still looking for David
So are Funk and Anderson. They DO find Daffney...
KEVIN NASH & SUPERSTAR SCOTT STEINER v. DA HARRIS BOYEEZ (no entrance) - this time the chyron has their names instead of "NWO" - I realise only *I* care about these things, but there you go. Steiner grabs fourth headset and later passes a baseball bat to Nash. While referee "Blind" Slick Johnson tries to keep Nash from using the bat, KEVIN SULLIVAN & MIKE ROTUNDO/A come out and use chairs on the Harrisses, leaving 'em out cold. Steiner incorrectly identifies his brother amongst them - well. Anyway, Nash tags in Steiner, who strikes a double bicep with a knee on the chest - 1, 2, 3. (1:16) There're your Group 1 finalists there, yup.
Daffney tells Terry & Arn that David doesn't want to talk to anybody - then she laughs some more. The camera follows her as she walks away - about five seconds later Jeff Jarrett grabs her from behind and drags her off. Apparently, she's just out of range of T&A's hearing...
Jimmy Barron gets some sun - in a black shirt. Then he uses 1-800-CALL-ATT for the Road Report - Nitro in Buffalo next week!
Sid Vicious and Sting are the subjects of the Superstar Series' latest videos - and the Nitro Grrls Swimsuit Calendar special may be the last one!
BUFF IS THE STUFF & CHRIS "CHAMPAGNE" KANYON (with three ladie) v. DAVID FLAIR & CROWBAR (without Daffney Unger) in a Lethal Lottery Semifinal (Group 2 Final) - Kanyon was ready to rush his partner with his big belt, but TRIPPA B jumped *him* from behind, brawled with him along the stage, then threw him through a table. Bagwell's third handicap match of this tournament, looks like - well, check that - looks like VAMPIRO is out to take his place, after first letting Bagwell know that really, he doesn't like him, no. Furthermore, he OWES him! Referee "Blind" Billy Silverman is more than happy to ring the bell as Crowbar attacks Vampiro from behind and has his way with him for a bit - here's a kick from Vampiro to even it up - off the top rope with a spinning heel kick - off the ropes with a lariat - well, here's TERRY FUNK & ARN ANDERSON to chastise me for calling action in this match. Arn tries to ask Flair to snap out of it. Funk: "What's wrong with him?" Anderson: "He's just got bad people around him." Flair: "Haa-haa! Giggle! Titter!" We take a break from this action to see Vampiro hit a sweet superplex. Now Vampiro's over to yell at T&A - what's up with that? Bagwell in to try to get his partner focused on the match. Big ol' powerbomb from Vampiro, now he's outside and shoving Arn Anderson. Terry Funk spins Vampiro around and waylays him with a left hand that puts him out COLD. Funk now all over Vampiro, now rolling him back in the ring - just for grins, Buff hits a Blockbuster on him, too. I think I also saw Bobby Heenan, Billy Silverman, and the entire front row also drop elbows on Vampiro. Meanwhile, Anderson slaps Flair - who crawls into the ring and puts an arm over Vampiro for the pinfall. (3:06) Next week, Vampiro will sell for Nitro Grrl Chae - don't miss it!
Before we go to the break, the NWO comes out with DAFFNEY UNGER in tow. Steiner: "Hey David Flair! Look who we got! You know it's one thing about you Flairs - you've always surrounded yourself with ugly women - I mean this [bitch is ...] than your mother! So the question is - who's gonna get to her first - you...or us?" She's still laughing, at least.
Crowbar and David Flair are - leaving the building?
David Flair is running around and screaming "where are you?" Well, dope, if you'd FOLLOWED them before the ad break...
SID VISCOUS v. JEDOUBLEF JADOUBLEREDOUBLET (with baseball bat and gee-tar) for the United States Heavyweight title in a powerbomb match - Let Us Take You Back One Week And Once Again Show You The Monster Truck Crush (Crush!) Sid's Rental Car - Ten minutes left in the show, two matches to go - Sid leads the crowd in clapping - Jarrett tries an attack, Vicious shoves him off. Jarrett looks for some boos, and finds them. Sid kicks away. Off the ropes, duck, Jarrett with a forearm to the back. Vicious runs at Jarrett, and he dumps him over the top rope. Jarrett follows and takes Vicious to the barricade. Tony notes the members of TEAM POWER PLANT in the front row - again. Is that Sonny Siaki? We look back and they're in the ring again. Jarrett throats him on the top rope - Jarrett up top - crossbody - Referee "Blind" Mark Johnson counts a 2 count, apparently forgetting this is a powerbomb match, Sid kicks out, taking Jarrett over the ref. Jarrett with a right. Off the ropes, reversed, big boot from Sid - got him in the choke - chokeslam! Off the ropes, Jarrett slides through, just happening to trip up Johnson on his way over, but Sid still catches Jarrett and powerbombs him. Of course, Johnson had his back turned and missed it. Now, he was more than happy to take Nash's word for it at the pay-per-view...well, anyway, Vicious says "Okay, I'll do one when you're looking" because he's STUPID - with his back to the aisle, he doesn't notice BRET CLARKE coming in with the baseball bat (DQ 2:31) - doubleteam beatdown ensues - here come the EMT's - now they should KNOW better, but they don't...Jarrett and Hart (and the bat) take care of THEM as well. Spray paint all around. Hooray!
Backstage, Flair beats on random defenseless inanimate objects with his crowbar - ostensibly, they're still looking for Daffney
Souled Out is Sunday, 16 January!
KEVIN NASH & SUPERSTAR SCOTT STEINER (with two baseball bats and "I want da belt" hand motions) v. DAVID FLAIR & CROWBAR for the tag team championships in the Lethal Lottery finals - over/under on this match is - 82 seconds. Flair and Crowbar storm (Devon) the ring - Steiner promptly takes Crowbar outside while Nash elbows Flair to the mat. Steiner, you see, isn't cleared to wrestler, so we're cleverly disguising his participation tonight. Lariat for Flair - Nash looks around - no referee. Steiner takes fourth headset and tells us that everybody sucks, then gets muted. Sidewalk slam for Flair, big beal off the top-rope for Crowbar, right cross for Flair, whip into the corner for Crowbar who flips out to the floor. Steiner muted again. Elbow to Flair. Big boot to Crowbar. Tony: "Tenay turns heel." Schiavone drops the lingo to appeal to the smarts. Baaaaaaaaaaa. Nash has Flair in the corner - knee,
Steiner asks the commentators to say that Nash is the "biggest best big man
in sports today" - Tony actually repeats this word for word. Piper-esque
eyepoke for Crowbar. Testicular claw for Crowbar - I didn't know Nash
swung that way. Nash wondering aloud where the ref is. Double noggin
knocker. Crowbar in the corner, knee, knee, TERRY FUNK & ARN ANDERSON &
SECURITY GUYS are out as Steiner takes Tenay to
task for referring to a
Frankensteiner as a huracanrana, then gets muted some more. Nash
powerbombs Crowbar. Nash with a crotch-chop to the zebra-shirted Anderson.
Steiner trying hard to turn "Funk" into a dirty word - but it doesn't get
muted, so it musn't have been as it sounded to me. Anderson takes the
crowbar to Nash's back! Flair's arm draped over Nash - 1, 2 ,3! Ladies
and gentlemen, we have new tag team champions - David Flair & Crowbar.
David Flair & Crowbar. David Flair & Crowbar. (3:40) JEDOUBLEF JADOUBLEREDOUBLET
& BRET CLARKE are out - Jeff holding
but he lets go of
her for no apparent reason - ALSO for no apparent reason, Flair *waffles*
Anderson with the crowbar, then grabs his belt, Crowbar, Daffney, and they
all take off while Funk stands over Anderson. Meanwhile, the NWO take out
the security guys in the ring with their bats - then apparently take out
Funk as well (the camera misses it, but cuts back to see Steiner choking
Funk with a bat). The theme from NWO plays...then stops. Funk fighting
back in the ring against Nash and Steiner - Steiner with a low blow - Funk
still fighting back - nope, he's one and they're two. Anderson being taken
care of - and taken AWAY - by Hart & Jarrett. Another bat shot, and one
more. We cut back to the ring to see Nash powerbomb a shirtless Funk. We
cut back and apparently Anderson was loaded in the trunk of a car while we
weren't looking as Hart stands around...waiting for...? Cut back to the
ring, now back to the back...okay, Steiner, Jarrett and Hart in the car
...waiting for Nash...here's Nash - apparently, they're going to do to
Anderson what they did to Sid...well, they drive off and Tony asks us to
watch THUNDER! on Thursday.
David Flair & Crowbar. Don't that just beat all?