/26 June 2000
AOL 51 7/8 (- 2
5/8), TWX 75 7/8 (- 4 1/16), SPLN 14 1/16
(- 9/16) - one
year ago, a share of Sportsline.com (then SportsLine USA) traded for 33
3/4, so I don't think you really needed to WONDER why there's such a high
turnover rate over there - in other news, Sportsline sources have revealed
that the (now over a year old) press release announcing the formation of
WrestleLine was "imminent"
The first hour of "Best of Imus" this morning involved Hulk Hogan - the bulk being his in-studio appearance back on Valentine's Day - even listening to it now...wow. What a difference 4 1/2 months makes. He was HAPPY about Sullivan's direction! "The promotion's smartening up!" He SAID this! They were in full-on shill mode about the Flair/Hogan main event that went up against the dog show (ie, no RAW for competition) - remind me to pull up the ratings for that. Got it - 3.7 and 4.4. Say, that's pretty good! Too bad it ended in a run-in DQ. The last part of the hour was the Imus remote from Atlanta in November, 1998 where Hollywood Hogan (accompanied by Bischoff, Steiner and Bagwell) made a presentation of a cheque.
WCW logo - it hums because it doesn't know the words
TV-14-DL ratings box and close captioned logo appear during this highlight package
Coming "live," we check out the front seat of a limo, where the Cat is riding shotgun and talking to the driver - who looks suspiciously like Ice Train, but is called "Smooth" by the Cat. "If you keep coming up with ideas like this, I'll be rich - I mean, WE'LL be rich!" Sounds like a main event has been dreamed up, but Cat needs to head to the ring to announce it...
Opening graphic - hey, maybe somebody could spring for a credits sequence for this show? I mean, now that you're saving all that money and all...
WE ARE LIVE from the Veteran Memorial Auditorium in Des Moines, IA 26.6.2K and let's waste no time nor pyro
CAT walks to the ring and gives us his Kane impersonation by lighting the turnbuckles on fire. "All right, okay, I'm so happy, somebody got to call my momma because I'm gon' put on a great show tonight, baby! Now, you people out there know that the Bash at the Beach is right around the corner. And you know, we gonna have some big matches out there, we gonna have Jeff Jarrett there, taking over the whole show because I know he gonna put that title belt up against Old Man Hogan, and he gon' kick his ass! And, you know I'm gonna tell you something before I get goin' here. I got to be the greatest of all time, because when Goldberg get his hands on Nash, he gonna wipe the floor with Nash, and he gon' bring Scott Hall contract to me b-so I can wipe something else with that contract!" That's all you get, I'm switching to paraphrasing. Cat says they're not gon' wait until Bash at the Beach, tonight it'll start with a world title match - a four corners match. To get into this match, wrestlers will have to qualify. Cat says he came up with Nash vs. Awesome - if Nash wins, he'll make the main event. Scott Steiner will take on the Franchise for a spot in the main event. And Goldberg will get a bye - he doesn't need to qualify. Cat predicts swift victory for Awesome, Franchise and NONE of their heroes will make it tonight. Some familiar music interrupts proceedings and HACKSAW JIM DUGGAN comes out with his 2x4 and his charisma. "USA! USA! Ya know, I've been sittin' in the back with my hands in my pockets long enough, and watched what you, Bischoff and Russo have done to the WCW - the sport that I love! You can't play with people's lives like they're pawns...like their lives don't matter - enough is enough! Hoooooooo! And you might be right about one thing, the chips are down for the heroes - with Hogan and Sting hurt, Flair retired - but understand this! Other people'll come stand forward - Hacksaw Jim Duggan will stand forward - hoooooooo! And Bill Goldberg? Bill Goldberg? What have you done to Bill Goldberg? A man that I admired when he came into the WCW - a man that I thought would be a true star, a true hero, but now he's just a soul of a man (huh?), half the man that he useta be." Cat calls Duggan a redneck. "USA!" Cat says he'll book Duggan against Goldberg tonight. "Goldberg 'n' me? Everybody knows in the wrestling world about my health problems. But sometime, a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do! And if you want me and Goldberg, by God, you've GOT me and Goldberg! And I wanna wish you luck in explaining to Russo and Bischoff why the WCW Heavyweight title is around Hacksaw Jim Duggan's waist - tough guy! Hoooooooooooo! USA!" Damn, *I* want him to win.
Your hosts are TONY SCHIAVONE, SCOTT HUDSON, and ... tonight - three qualifiers and one four corners main event! After a buzz in Tony's ear, we cut to
Vampiro, somewhere, tells Dale Torborg that "this will never end...unless you face the Demon...within..." Tonight, three men walk in - Vampiro, Torborg and the Demon - and one will walk out.
Cut to Torborg and Asya watching this on a monitor. "Tonight, I'm gonna end this! I got rid of one nightmare - I'm gonna make this freak sorry he ever tried to bring him back." Asya: "Dale, no wait. Dale." Suffice to say, Asya ain't much of an actress, despite her hideous "goth" hair dye and lipstick
Hey, Motley Crue, Megadeth and Anthrax appearing on the Maximum Rock tour! They can't spell "Concord" correctly! 27 June - hey, that's tomorrow! Whoa - "Recording Equipment & Cameras Allowed!" That's a typo, right? Crush! (CRUSH!) Crush 'em! (CRUSH 'EM!)
Promotional consideration paid for by Slim Jim (Savage), Judge Wapner's cash
scam, America (ha!) Online, and Super Soaker!
Franchise arrives and asks Mark Johnson for a looksee at his format. "Scott Steiner? What the--" and off he goes to look for the Cat
Earlier Today, at the "Positively Kanyon" book signing...*nobody* appears. Kanyon appears embarrassed about this. I don't know, it'd seem to me that if he were trying to make Page look bad, he'd be *ecstatic* about nobody showing up...oh well
MARK JINDRAK & SEAN O'HAIRE (already in the ring) v. RAYMOND STEREO & DE JUICE (with Disco Inferno & Konnan & Tygress) - Mysterio's cut off his Sisqo dyejob. I don't know why I decided to notice this instead of everything else - maybe because it's been SOOOO long that I had a nice plate of SQUASH. Okay, here we go. The two shorter men are reluctant to tie up with the much larger "rookies." Huh? Oh well. Juice runs at them and goes down to some big rights. Mysterio tries to get away, but is caught and whipped into Guerrera. They head outside for a confab with their Filthy Animal mates. Guerrera back into the ring against O'Haire. Test of strength teased by the Juice - nope. Gutshot, right, right, right, off the ropes, O'Haire with a shoulerblock. Off the ropes, scoops him up and tosses him across the ring. Arm wringer, tag to Jindrak, into the ropes, double leapfrog, Jindrak's lariat misses, but O'Haire's doesn't - Jindrak covers - 2. Jindrak tries a no-hands quebrada off the second rope - nobody in the pool. Guerrera up on the second rope in the corner for a Ten Punch Count Along - but he stops to pose so Jindrak picks him up over his shoulder - Guerrera tries to follow through into a Sunset flip, but no go - Mysterio with a bulldog to complete it - near fall. Guerrera with a top-rope missile dropkick for 2. Kick to the head. Opening him up for the Dudleyesque "double legdrop to the graun" spot. Mysterio in and stomping on Jindrak - whip reversed and Mysterio hits the corner sternum first and hard. Picking him up - but Guerrera kicks the back of the leg, bringing him down. Big doubleteam on Jindrak, double shot for O'Haire on the outside - setting him up for dropkicks from opposite sides...of course he pulls away and Guerrera and Mysterio end up crotching each other (!) with dropkicks! O'Haire wants the tag - and he'll get it. On the top turnbuckle - double clothesline for the Animals! Right hand for you, right for you, all four men in the ring, Jindrak whips Mysterio, who slides to a stop at his partner's feet. Guerrera with a gutshot to Jindrak, then puts Mysterio on his shoulders. What's that about? Jindrawk with a gutshot to Juvi, then picking up Mysterio in a suplex position - O'Haire with one for Guerrera - simultaneous suplex! Mysterio thrown out of the ring to the floor. Jindrak working on Guerrera - Juice tries to reverse to a uranage (har, har) but Jindrak halts that and takes him over in a tilt-a-whirl slam. O'Haire off the top with a "Seanton bomb" (oh, for the...) and covering Guerrera - 1, 2, 3! (4:48) Konnan and Disco Inferno quickly in to take a measure of revenge - better ring that bell some more...now LANCE STORM is in - springboard missile dropkick for Inferno, superkick for Mysterio, dropkick for Konnan, Inferno tossed out. Storm takes off, leaving Jindrak and O'Haire to celebrate in the middle of the ring.
Backstage, Goldberg - ARRIVES! He's wearing a Coors Light sweatshirt. Say, doesn't Austin drink....oh, sorry
I don't know - I don't think that's what *I* would have booked, but I will say it's an interesting way to go - it's a "safe" quarter hour, and you've already promised four "big" matches later in the show - who knows, you MIGHT get people interested in these guys. Then again, there might be an overwhelming "who the hell are THESE guys" vibe that'll kill them, too. Who can say. I'll tell you after we see the ratings...right?
Close captioning where available through the kind courtesy of Meineke! Did you see George Foreman's appraisal of Mike Tyson's "I will eat his children (praise be to Allah)" speech as possessing a "pro wrestling" influence? He wasn't knocking wrestling when he did it, despite the way I've hacked up his comments into this paraphrasing. In fact, the way he said it, he made Tyson's whole bit SEEM to make PERFECT sense. And here *I* was thinking he was just TOTALLY INSANE. But of course! He's in "pro wrestling" mode! He doesn't MEAN all that shit! Wait a minute...where was I?
In Cat's office, the Animals make a lot of noise - Cat stops them and tells them to find this guy that keeps interfering in his shows and bring him to his office. I think he's talking about Storm. Cat sneaks in a funny one-liner to himself as they leave "somebody should check their pockets before they get outta here..."
Meanwhile, Duggan's wife says that Duggan can't go into the ring with Goldberg - think of their children! They share an "emotional" moment that involves a lot of forehead-to-forehead touching - ahhh, THAT'S the TV-14 rating at work! (whispering) "I think I can win."
Let Us Take You Back to Last Monday where Vito pinned Johnny, and Wednesday where Vito powebombed Wall through a table.
BIG VITO hits the ring, carrying his "Staten Island stickball stick." "Hello Maestro, la musica please. I been hearing some tings - I heard some people talking - don't lie, I know you've been saying that Big Vito is the best WCW hardcore champion that ever lived. Eyyy, oh, eyyy, I mean the greatest. I'm the Pavarotti of hard shots to the body! I'm from Staten Island, New York, and I'm deadlier than a Mike Tyson right hand! I'm supposed to say if anybody in the back has a pair of grapefruits and they wanna come fight me, well here's the thing - I don't sweat nobody -
hey just send 'em out!
BIG VITO v. JUNG DRAGON JAMIE-SAN for the World Hardcore title - well, there's no ref and no opening bell, so is this REALLY a match? Vito works the kendo stuck, then steps on his balls. YUN YANG comes out and quickly goes down to a spectacular kendo stick shot - followed by several more. KAZ HAYASHI is in with a springboard dropkick - landing on his leg in the process. Spinning heel kick. Kaz kicks his beret all the way into the crowd (wow!) - spinning heel kick over the ropes to the apron as Vito stands in the corner - Yang walks up Vito and flips onto his feet - Vito tries a clothesline to Yang, who ducks - Vito ends up eating Snake Eyes from Jamie-san. The WCW Security Nazi gets the beret back - that guy should have KEPT it, then RUN for it. I hope they at least sent him a free T-shirt for it. Yang moonsault, Jamie-san missile dropkick, Hayashi plancha from three different corners. The onslaught continues - all three men on one corner - from left to right and simultaneously, Yang splashes his knees with a plancha, Kaz with a senton on the belt, and Jamie-san with a legdrop on the neck. Yikes! Jamie-san and Hayashi hook a leg and Yang makes a count - 1, 2, 3! (2:01 - but not a match)
Meanwhile, back in the locker room, Funk shows Johnny the Bull "the enemy" - a homemade tackling dummy with arms and a Xerox of Vito's head stapled to the top - wearing a ... flower? Funk tells Johnny to attack him - he advancing on it with a chair, but Funk chairs HIM first. "Johnny, Johnny, Johnny - there is no disqualification in a hardcore match! You've got to watch your back!"
Meanwhile, at the Hall of Justice - I mean, production - Perfect Event advance upon Woody Kearce - who says he doesn't have time for this and leaves. Stasiak promises another "Perfect production" - but which button to press first?
We cut to Franchise, catching up to Smooth outside the building- he'd like a ride out. He doesn't want his shot with Scott Steiner, he wants a ride. "You know if you leave - they'll fire ya." Franchise says he needs a plan. "Smooooth got somethin' for ya." He whispers in his ear - Franchise enjoys it - and walks away
Meanwhile, the Animals split up. "He's stupid 'cause he's Canadian - he should be easy to find." The Animals shrug off Disco's offer of chains - they won't need them against a *Canadian*....
Wow, have they already fallen into a "Crash TV" trap or what? Bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce
Promotional consideration paid for by Super Soaker (2), Corn Nuts, America (ha!) Online (2), Slim Jim (Savage) (2), and Motel 6 7/8
Franchise is on a table getting his ankle checked out by a trainer when we return - Smooth leads Cat to Franchise, who complains about being unable to stand, much less wrestler. Franchise recommends Buff Bagwell in his place. Cat says he's got a better idea - Buff Bagwell and Scott Steiner. Franchise says that's a great idea - then passes a wad of cash to Smooth behind Cat's back.
Meanwhile, Tank Abbott scares off some backstage personnel on his way to placing a chair in front of a nearby monitor - for on that monitor...
3 COUNT are out to perform "Sing Along with 3 Count." Looking backstage, we see Tank Abbott bopping up and down. Suddenly, the song slows down and speeds up a la Norman Smiley. Backstage, Woody Kearce appears and stooges 3 Count out once again
Cut to the production truck, where they MUST have moved at the speed of light. Abbott grabs Pauly Shore - I mean, Palumbo - and Stasiak's tag team title belt, and they all make their way to the ring...
Back to the ring where Abbott deposits the tag team champions in the ring. "3 Count - this is my gift to you - you get a world title match because I said so!
SHANE HELMS & SHANNON MOORE (with Evan Karagias) v. PERFECT EVENT for the tag team championship - following a "heel embrace" on the floor, Shannon & Shane hit stereo somersault planchas to the floor. Back in the ring, doubleteam on Palumbo. Stasiak comes in without a tag and powerbombs Moore. Karagias tries to start a "3 Count Rules" chant but the crowd chants "3 Count Sux" instead. Helms is your face in peril. WHOOOOOOOSH 13 days says the logo.
Highlight of this match is a guy in the crowd
doin' da butt to the camera. Helms manages a DDT on Stasiak and it's
who'll tag first, then it's both tag, then it's Moore is a house on fire,
then Palumbo catches his crossbody, fallaway slam. Up for a vertical
suplex - tag - Moore frees himself and shoves Palumbo into Stasiak's
crotch. Palumbo whipped into a Helms superkick. Moore springs up into a
'rana - frog splash from Helms onto Stasiak, Palumbo uses the Lex Flexor on
Helms as referee "Blind" Charles Robinson is busy putting Moore on the
outside. Double flapjack and Stasiak covers for the pin
music is almost immediately interrupted by KRONYKK's. Full nelson into
uranage here, Meltdown there, High Time to polish it off. I can't put into
words how much the Mark's commentary S-U-C-K-S. And this has nothing to do
with the fact that he can't stand me - even if I was his FAVOURITE guy in
the world, his commentary would STILL suck. (And, you know, deep down, he
luuuuvs me.) Helms asks for Kronic's music to be cut, and theirs to be
played. Kronic takes umbrage and advances on the ring - but
DAVID ARQUETTE is back out, punking out Clark and
then giving Adams his
HAND OF STONE in the middle of the ring - allowing 3 Count to tripleteam
him. They all walk off as Abbott asks them to "hit the music!"
De Juice is WALKING! And looking for that jabrone Lance Storm. Hmm, somebody spending the entire show walking around looking for somebody else - are you SURE Russo isn't writing this? Just out of the picture, a ... big tube of cardboard? ... well, who knows - waffles Guerrera, putting him down and leaving him laying.
NEXT: Meanwhile, Duggan tells his wife to kiss the girls. "I CAN BEAT HIM! I CAN BEAT HIM! I CAN BEAT HIM!!"
Meanwhile, Goldberg is WALKING! Alone?
Earlier Today, another look at the book signing. "Keep it movin' - keep it movin'" "what about the free--" "keep it movin'!" We look to the other side of his book signing sign - a paper taped to it says "DRINK VOUCHERS FREE! NO ONE UNDER 21"
Here's a Special Video Look at Hacksaw Jim Duggan's retirement speech from Summer 1998 - and his subsequent return speech on Thunder in 1999. He's DEAD MEAT, you know.
HACKSAW JIM DUGGAN v. COLD BEER for a spot in the main event - and possibly the World Television title - before Goldberg comes out, the CAT appears, mic in hand. "Okay, cut my music. Okay, Jimmy, I wanna remind you there is no interferin' in any of my matches. And secondly, I'm gonna ban that 2x4 from the ring - you cannot go into this match with that 2x4 in your hand or near the ring. Give it to the referee before I come down there and stick it where the sun don't shine." Duggan, who HAD been playing "machine gun" with his wood, shakes his head. "Give it up - or get on outta the ring." Referee "Blind" Mickie Jay appeals to Duggan - and gets the board. Crowd spontaneously chants "USA" 'cause Duggan's STILL got it. Goldberg stands in his pyro this time. They're going to time this to coincide perfectly with the start of the competing show, by God.
Duggan spins a stretching Goldberg around - nose to nose, words are
said, and Goldberg comes out punching, *Duggan* comes out punching,
Goldberg right, Duggan right, Goldberg right, partially blocked, Duggan
right, left, right, left, right, right, right, right, right, right, right,
right, Goldberg absorbing all this and now Jay has managed to insert
himself between them to separate them. Goldberg with a running lariat.
Right hand bounces Duggan off the ropes. Goldberg ducks one and puts him
to the ropes - headlock - through the ropes to the floor. Goldberg goes
out after him, and eats a right, several elbows, left, right, Duggan with
a "hoooo" but Goldberg manages to counter the run into the post and Duggan
hits instead. Stomp, boot to the head, Goldberg picks up Duggan and puts
him back in the ring. Goldberg ducks a right and hits a (Duggan only has
one) kidney blow. Fireman's carry takeover with ease. To a rear chinlock.
Crowd tries "USA" again. Duggan's arm won't fall three times - thumbs up!
Duggan to his feet - elbow, elbow, Duggan with a clubbing forearm, right
to the body, head to the buckle. Goldberg making fun of the "USA" chant.
"That was for you, Nash!" In the corner, whip into the opposite corner is
reversed, Goldberg lands in a scoop - winding it up - and a slam!
Duggan's going to go for the three-point stance! But Goldberg is up -
spear! Commentators sell that it was right to the kidney. Jackhammer
coming up. 1, 2, 3. (3:16 -
hmmm) But that's not enough for Goldberg, who
spins him ninety degrees and rabbit punches him right in the surgery scar.
Jay drapes himself over Duggan to stop this. Goldberg says the blood is
on Nash's hands. "How you like me now?" Duggan bleeds from the mouth for
added drama. Hey, remember when Yokozuna continuously Banzai Dropped
Duggan? Tonight's writers do! Of course, it was cooler back then, 'cause
Yokozuna draped him in the flag before he did it. I remember that my
local syndicate wouldn't show it on "Superstars" or "Challenge" because it
was TOO GRAPHIC and I had to wait for it to show up on All-American.
Ahh, THOSE were the days. Anyway, the EMT's are quick to the
scene, followed by DEBORAH
DUGGAN, who turns on the waterworks.
Backstage, Kevin Nash is WALKING!
We cut to a locker room, where various wrestlers give us disbelief at Goldberg's actions.
Goldberg may be a heel, but he still eats SPREE!
Backstage, Duggan is loaded into an ambulance as his wife and the wrestlers look on - along with the TV-14-DL. Nash says "This (shit's) gotta stop..."
AWESOME MULLET v. KEVIN NASH for a spot in the main event - Nash puts his frown on for his walk to the ring. Lockup, side headlock by Awesome, right, right, wrenching it in, right, Nash picks him up and drops him in a backdrop suplex - 1, 2 no. Brush hair back, right, brush hair back, right, brush hair back, knee, knee, knee, brush hair back, elbow, brush hair back - YES! HE MAY BE FIGHTING FOR DUGGAN'S HONOUR BUT HE CAN *STILL* FRAME THAT ELBOW!!!!!!!!! oh and there was a crotch chop too. Brush hair back. Into the opposite corner, Awesome puts up an elbow as he charges in. Nash tries a clothesline, Awesome ducks under and puts on a waistlock. Nash with a back elbow and he falls on his ass as Awesome lets go of him - oops. Nash with a right, brush hair back, whip into the corner is reversed, Awesome with a clothesline. Nash whips his hair back, then brushes it back. Top-rope clothesline by Awesome for 2. Stomp. Climbing to the top...will Nash let him hit one? AWESOME SPLASH! 1, 2, shoulder up! Awesome argues the count with referee "Blind" Billy Silverman. Now HE'S gonna try the powerbomb - but Nash backdrops him out of the attempt. Running clothesline puts Awesome on the floor. Brush back your hair! Nash goes outside, then whips his hair backward, elbow to the back of the neck, brush back hair, elbow, elbow, brush hair back, small of the back punch, brush hair back, Awesome counters with a kidney punch and a testicles punch. Nash put back in the ring where he may or may not have brushed his hair back while Awesome collects a chair. Ah, Nash IS brushing back his hair as Awesome enters the ring. Awesome throws the chair to Nash, then tries to clothesline him, but it's ducked. Nash throws the chair to Awesome, who catches it - VAN DAMINATOR! 1, 2, 3! Nash whips his hair back - twice - c'mon, you're DYING to brush it back again - nope, Nash only scowls instead. Nash went twelve seconds longer and RUINED the numerology of it all. (3:28)
Backstage, Tygress is WALKING! She stumbles upon a laid-out Mysterio. "Was it Storm?"
NEXT: Buff Bagwell is WALKING!
Meanwhile, Scott Steiner is EXERCISING! Midajah stands by.
When we come back, Konnan is WALKING! And looking for Lance Storm - hey, nice ice sculpture on that catering table! Anyway, the dreaded cardboard tube konks Konnan and HE goes down with one blow
WCW Reload is worthless for folks in the Pacific time zone - oh well
Let Us Take You Back to Last Monday where Franchise disrupted Bagwell's post-match celebration. And here's a clip showing something similar Wednesday on Thunder.
BUFF DADDY BAGWELL v. SUPERSTAR SCOTT STEINER (with Midajah) for a spot in the main event - and probably not for the United States Heavyweight championship - so is Steiner officially down to one hooch now or what? WHOOOOOSH Master Lock sponsors this logo - DAMN you can get epilepsy from Steiner's lighting treatment. Sign in crowd: "TIG OL' BITTIES" I'll give a DOLLAR to the first guy to make reference to the long, storied history between these two...hmm, looks like it's me. Bagwell pinwheels and hits a double bicep. Steiner counters with a middle finger. Lockup, backed into the corner, elbow by Steiner, repeated kicks, repeated rights. Arm over the rope, set up for the chop, into the ropes, kiss the bicep, drop the elbow. Hudson: "There's not a lot of animosity between these guys." Scott "Mr. History" Hudson says there's not a lot of ANIMOSITY between these guys? Shoot me now. Head to the buckle, into the opposite corner, Bagwell up and over, right, right, right, hiptoss takeover, clothesline, gutshot, off the ropes, awful swinging neckbreaker. Head to the buckle. Right, right, right, Bagwell calls to the crowd, into the opposite corner is reversed, Bagwell throws up an elbow, Vader bomb gets 2. Into the ropes, we'll call it a flubbed backdrop for want of a better term. Steiner with a gutshot, scoop - and a tie to the Tree of Woe. Steiner going outside to pull on the neck. Steiner back in. Blockbuster suplex. Steiner Recliner coming up - no, Bagwell slides under, picks up Steiner on his shoulders, then drops down with a hot shot. Gutshot, double underhook DDT, on the second rope for the Blockbuster - and hits it! 1, 2, Steiner kicks out!! Bagwell up to argue the count with referee "Blind" Mark Johnson "Hey, that was my move! Are you sure it was 2?" Steiner from behind with the forearm - belly-to-belly suplex - that's all. 1, 2, 3. (3:34) Hey, I think I saw Steiner just grab Midajah's ass! Oh, no, wait, it was higher than I thought. Will Steiner offer the Hand of Friendship post-match? Yes! Bagwell takes it. Give him a hug! Bagwell raises Steiner's hand. As they leave - and Bagwell watches - FRANCHISE hits the ring and gets some cheap shots in on Bagwell before Steiner comes back in...so Franchise goes out, through the crowd. Steiner asks if he's okay, and if he'd like to pose with him on adjacent corners.
PAMELA PAULSHOCK attempts to get some words from Jeff Jarrett. He calls her a "blonde slapnut" and bemoans the vast conspiracy against him. If he's so Chosen, why haven't they bothered to fashion a "Jeff Jarrett" nameplate to that title belt yet? Jarrett has some words for Hogan, as well - something about putting down his drool cup, getting out of his wheelchair, strapping himself to the walker and making it to Bash at the Beach. Then he walks away - ohhh.
Jimmy Barron phones it in - next week sees Nitro in Charleston, WV - you can call there with 1-800-CAL-LATT just like Jimmy does!
Miss Hancock is seen exiting David Flair's dressing room - and as she's WALKING! away, we spy Daffney keeping a watchful eye on the door...and seeing her...
hits the ring. "Do you know how - HARD it is to be a
bad girl trapped up inside of a good girl's body? Sometimes I can't keep
things straight - and sometimes I can't keep things - on. So hit my
music!" What exactly does this have to do with "Mallrats" anyway? Before
any stripping commences, DAFFNEY
hits the ring and - well, do your
own Joey Styles impersonation here. Hancock wins out, then makes the
crying eyes motion to Daffney. Darn, I was SURE this would be the week
that she'd tell us why she was using Los Fabulosos to get back at Rave and
Lane for continually brushing her off - oh, Daffney's got THE STICK: "Do
you think that I'm blind? Do you think that I don't knwo what you're
trying to do? You're TRYING to steal my fiancee David Flair! Well, if
you're gonna try to ruin my life - I'm gona ruin yours, ahhhhh! I've got
something you can write down in your little clipboard. Take a memo, Miss
Peacock, after I finish whipping your little beanpole butt at the Bash at
the Beach, you're gonna be begging for your old job, bringing chicken wings
at the Hooters joint they found you in."
The Filthy Animals have regrouped - Disco Inferno expresses his disappointment at the headaches around him, says HE'S got a brain and HE'LL find him.
Back to the book signing, were Booker T. asks Kanyon to sign his brick - then gives a major-league beatdown to Kanyon, culminating in a chairshot and slam through the table.
Pamela Paulshock attempts to interview Miss Hancock, who says it shouldn't be a hard decision for David Flair - she accepts the challenge for Bash at the Beach and suggests making it a "Wedding Gown Match." Telling Daffney to wear her "three dollar Salvation Army gown," Hancock promises to be wearing something "much...more...sexier." Oof. I guess the glasses just make her LOOK smart.
DISCO INFERNO hits the ring with referee "Blind" Mickie Jay in tow. "Cut the music! Keep it down, please, I want this guy to hear this, so shut your mouth...Lance Storm, I don't know whether it's because you're stupid or you're Canadian or both, but you just don't come on the show whenever you want to, pal. If you want to have a match on Nitro, I got a referee, I'm right here...and what I'm trying to say is if we can't get along, then let's get it on. Come on Storm, where you at? Where you at, Storm?"
DISCO INFERNO v. LANCE STORM - oh, there he at, coming in through the crowd and trying a springboard...well, Inferno ducks it, so who knows what he was trying. Clothesline ducked by Storm, superkick hits. Right, right, into the opposite corner is reversed, Storm hops to the top rope and springs off with a back elbow. Trying a piledriver, Inferno backdrops out of it, but Storm lands on his feet. Dropkick by Storm. Cover - 1, 2, no. Storm with a vertical suplex. Storm to the second rope - to the top - Inferno off the ropes and crotching him. I wonder why the rest of the Animals don't run in. Inferno kicks the knee, again, kicks the back of the knee, strut, swinging neckbreaker - cover - 2. Side Russian legsweep with a cobra clutch. Into the ropes, head down, Storm and Inferno totally miscommunicate and who knows WHAT they wanted to do there. Inferno ends up on his butt, Storm brings him back up, whip, reversal, head down, Storm puts him into the ropes, dropkick misses. Inferno on the second rope, busting a move, missing with the forearm drop, Storm with a right, right, into the ropes, reversed, Storm slides under, elbow, into the ropes, huracanrana - 1, 2, no. Storm puts Inferno into the opposite corner - cartwheel clothesline - Northern lights suplex with bridge for 2. Into the corner. Inferno puts up an elbow to stop the charge. Atomic drop. Gutshot, going for the Chartbuster, but Storm shoves him off, drops and rolls into the half crab, and Inferno taps. (2:59) The rest of the FILTHY ANIMALS *finally* hit the ring - Mysterio eats a clothesline, punch from Guerrera, Konnan knocks him down. Gutshot and Last Dance from Inferno, broncobuster from Mysterio. BILLY KIDMAN's music hits and now *he's* in the ring - and he's got a lead pipe! Kidman clears the ring of animals - then shakes Storm's hand.
Backstage, Dale Torborg takes a breath - then goes WALKING! behind a door...we are told that it leads - ooooooh - downstairs
Torborg and Vampiro battle in the bowels of the building. No, I
*don't* know what it's doing in the 9:45 quarter hour, but thanks for
asking me! And...it ends with Torborg in a coffin. But before he can make
his dramatic final line - somebody in a Sting mask emerges from the shadows
and takes him out with a shovel shot. Then he places the Sting mask on
The commentators give us flabbergast for a bit - they won't actually say "Sting" for some reason. "Could it have been - it could be - I'd be shocked if it were him" - aw, geez, come out and say Sting.
Pamela Paulshock suggests that it was Billy Kidman that punked them out and not Storm. Konnan calls Pamela "Mrs. Murder She Wrote" and, for an encore, channels the spirit of Morris Day by repeatedly calling her "Grace." The upshot of Konnan's ravings is a tag team match between two Animals and Storm & Kidman for Thunder.
WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE: JEDOUBLEF JADOUBLEREDOUBLET v. SUPERSTAR SCOTT STEINER (with Midajah) v. KEVIN NASH v. COLD BEER - Champion enters first because tradition is for recappers. "WCW Saturday Morning" debuts Saturday at 11am Eastern - brrrrrr. Condolences to the Fleihr family on the passing of Dr. Richard Fleihr. Isn't it a lucky night for all of us to have these three wrestle twice in one night? Whoops, check that. We go backstage to see Goldberg putting the finishing touches on a beatdown of Kevin Nash, leaving him laying on the floor of his dressing room. Cut back to the aisle, where Jarrett is getting an early advantage on Steiner. Back in the ring, where the stomping continues. Into the ropes, Steiner ducks, gutshot, press - and drop. Stiener with a kick - got him on his shoulder - tying to the Tree of Woe. Steiner puts the boots to him. Into the ropes - tilt-a-whirl slam. 1, 2, kickout...I guess. We didn't see it. Goldberg's music hits, so we look to the entrance way to see HIM. Steiner puts Jarrett out - Goldberg puts Steiner out with one punch. Who's he think he is, Abbott? Press by Goldberg - to the shoulder - to the mat. Stomp, stomp, setting up for the spear - Steiner steps aside and Goldberg hits the post. Belly-to-belly suplex - 1, 2, Jarrett pulls out referee "Blind" Charles Robinson, stopping the count. Jarrett back in the ring - gutshot by Steiner, double underhook into a powerbomb - 1, 2, Goldberg saves. Goldberg stomping on Steiner. Forearm. Jarrett stomps on the head. "Goldberg sux" chant - Goldberg smiles and tries to feed it. Doubleteam stomps on Steiner. Fireman's carry takeover by Goldberg on Steiner - cross armbreaker, while Jarrett stomps on Steiner. Here comes AWESOME MULLET...he grabs the US title belt from Midajah. In the ring, Steiner comes back, gutshot for Jarrett, clothesline out of the ring for Goldberg, Jarrett from behind,
into the ropes, Jarrett tries a 'rana? Yeah,
right - only so Steiner can counter with a powerbomb. 1, 2, Jarrett
escapes. Scoop - and a running powerslam by Steiner. 1, 2, Awesome pulls
out Steiner - then brains him with his own title belt. Right. Goldberg
stands on Steiner's neck. Now KEVIN
NASH is gimping his way into the ring.
Right, right, Jarrett put into the ropes, big boot is ducked, but he hits a
sidewalk slam. Scoop - snake eyes. Into the corner, Jarrett gets a boot
up - second rope axehandle is caught into a chokeslam by Nash - Awesome in
the ring - Nash powerbombs him. Goldberg hits the ring - big boot by Nash
- powebromb coming up, but Jarrett breaks it up. Jarrett put into the
ropes, big boot. Jarrett in position for a powerbomb, but Goldberg
delivers a superkick. Jarrett covers - 1, 2,
3. (6:02) Goldberg produces
what's left of Scott Hall's contract - 'cause, I guess he ate the rest.
Goldberg's music hits, the credits are up, and we're out.
"Shutterspeed" is NEXT! With STING!
Whoops, looks like Terry Taylor's honeymoon is almost up! Too bad, too, 'cause he still hasn't had the chance to re-sign Public Enemy!