/21 August 2000
Well, my power went out. That's it. Now you know.
I GET LETTERS: An extra day means AN EXTRA BIG SET OF LETTERS!
First, the old business. Paul Hansen solves a mystery: Hiya CRZ!
You'll probably think we're the dumbest fans on the face of the earth, but my buddies and I attended all three WCW shows in BC. We flew out from Edmonton to Vancouver and then drove to Kelowna and Kamloops.
We had great seats facing the tv cameras for the PPV, okay seats for Nitro, and seats off to the side for Thunder. So for the PPV we had signs saying 1... 2... JOHNNY ACE! (my idea but my buddy Terry drew it up), ALL HAIL CANADIAN VIOLENCE, DON'T TRUST FAT CHICKS, LIZ-BO = 3% BODY FAT and my buddy Jason had a ukelele painted silver with SLAP NUTZ on the back. For Nitro, I had a sign that read I H8 CRASH TV that you can barely see during the Russo/Tank/Goldberg segment. My buddy Tak had that hilarious TSN EDIT THIS sign which a drunk guy grabbed and held up while giving the camera the finger! For Thunder we decided to fuck the signs, but then got arrested for indecent exposure =].
Thanks for the brief mention!
Brief shout out to Martin Tremblay for his kind words. But can you get me Expos tix, Martin?
MGWWatt brings the reality check: Russo has been a part of the creativity for the two biggest wrestling promotions and as a creative force reached the zenith for any wrestling promotion as far as success while in the WWF.
You write show reports on a little web site tabbed Wrestleline.
You will never have a hand in the creativity of any wrestling promotion.
All you will ever do is sit at your computer and spew aff sarcasm and negativity towards WCW.
The majority of wrestling fans don't read you and could care less about you.
Meanwhile, millions see Vince Russo and his product each and every week.
At one time I considered you one of the few people that had intelligence when it came to reporting, but you have cheapened yourself with your venom for WCW. I can no longer take your reporting seriously, you've become a shell of your former reporting self.
MD Bishop is thankfully outta here, he was a freakin' joke,and now you're filling his shoes.
That's all, back to the AC/DC web site and reading of show reviews...The Atlanta show was phenomenal...the best I've seen yet.
Gosh, you seem to really be taking this personally. Does Russo owe you money or something?
Dan asks: Chris--
Where the fuck is Jimmy Barron? He was one of WCW's top 5 promo men. When he told me they were going to be in Davenport, Iowa or Missoula, Montana I always knew he was shooting. Maybe Nash thought Barron was stealing his heat.
Hmmm....the conspiracy spreads...seriously, Barron is still doing the radio thing in Atlanta and will probably show up next time they are in his neck of the woods.
Finally, all the way from India, Darshan Parekh writes: CRZ, I am a fan of yours from as far as India and well I love your recaps and all. Now the WWF and WCW war doesn't exist in this part of the world cause mainly everyone here knows WCW sucks and WWF doesn't. WCW is non existent. It comes on Saturdays on TCM and is the current version while WWF is shown on a 3 week delay period. I see WCW cause nothing else comes good on TV at that time. Now TCM has listed WCW NITRO from 9:00pm to 11:00pm, a 2 hour show. The interesting thing was that like always this week also it ended at 10:40. I was of course surprised as forget the overrun this didn't even qualify for a 2 hour program. I compared the telecast with your accurate recaps and found that TCM removes all unnecessary ad breaks. For example, this weeks Nitro during Vince Russo's shoot comments against Goldberg and orders for an ad break we straight cut to an Irish Whip of Tank into the steel railings. I know this will make you feel all happy that we have to see less ads and all but then comes the more horrifying part. As TCM has listed Nitro as a 2 hour show the remaining 20 minutes left nearly after each and every broadcast is spend showing Konnan's Music Video. I mean I managed to sit through Nitro and then comes Konnan blabbing about a song which nobody cared about. So in all we suffer more because not only do we sit through Nitro with less ad breaks, which get us thinking "WHAT THE FUCK ARE WE WATCHING" but also we have to sit through 20 minutes of Konnan's music Video.
Let me tell you you guys are way better off with the ad breaks.
Thanks for the world view!
QUICK QUOTES: AOL 56 13/16 (+ 3 13/16), TWX 83 3/16 (+ 6 3/16), SPLN 17 7/16 (- 3/8 - last year this time, 21 3/16 - HAHAHAHAHAHAHA)
"In Memory Of Peter Seligman 1969-2000 ...Thank you for everything"
WCW logo - I didn't know you could yodel
Q: When is a shoot not a shoot?
Vince Russo tells Scott (on the phone) that it's happening tonight, so please relax. 'neath the watchful gaze of the TV-14-DL ratings box, Jeff Jarrett appears and asks for Goldberg tonight. "We ALL want Goldberg tonight! Kevin's on his way, Scott's standin' by." Okay, I give - which Scott is he talking to? Norton, right? GOTTA BE NORTON
Close captioned logo - PYRO - WE ARE LIVE from the Kansas Colesium in Wichita, KS 21.8.2K and ONLY on TNT!
Let Us Take You Back to Thunder where Team Canada defeated MIA thanks to sneakyness and use of belts
"PRIME TIME" ELIX SKIPPER (with Lance Storm) v. LT. LOCO (with Gen. Rection) for the 100 kilo title - Skipper gets THE STICK! "That's right, hit me up with some of that green / 'cause I'm the best you EVER seen / so SHOW ME THE MONEY! Haa!" Jerry Maguire was released in December *1996*. I'm trying to decide if this is better of worse than using "wassup." Storm takes fourth headset. Crowd chants "USA." It's got to bother Russo to no end that the fans seem so eager to take to a chant that is so insulting to the intelligence...don't you think? Gutshot, elbow, elbow, into the ropes is reversed, drops down, clothesline by Loco, scoop...and a slam. Standing dropkick. Knife-edge chop. Euro uppercut. Chop. Into the opposite corner, Skipper up and over, Loco up and...Skipper slips, so Loco has to go up a second time to land on Skipper's shoulders, spinning around for a flying headscissors. Loco ducks a clothesline and hits a death suplex. Loco climbs up top - Storm whacks him with the Canadian flag. Skipper covers - 1, 2, JOHNNY ACE!! Rection brawls with Storm out through the crowd. Back to the ring where Skipper has a chair. Duck, gutshot, standing dropkick, Loco has the chair...referee "Blind" Billy Silverman takes the chair away from him. Meanwhile, Skipper has loaded up his fist with the "Grey Cup ring" - loaded fist - 1, 2, 3. (2:08)
Backstage, Goldberg ARRIVES! He asks if Steiner's showed up yet - nope.
Meanwhile, Vince Russo talks to Scott on the phone. "Scott, you ready?"
Cut to Steiner, who is...we know not where. "Yeah, I'm ready...let's do this. Oh, and Vince - I owe you for this, man."
Promotional consideration paid for by Slim Jim (Savage), America (ha!) Online, Lean Pockets from Hot Pockets, and the WCW Nitro trading card game with the URL that doesn't go to a real page
VIC VENOM, KING OF THE 2.0 SEGMENT & FOUR SECURITY GUYS hit the ring. "You know what, maybe if I stand in the ring and click my boots together, one of those Kansas (fairies) will save me from this hole!" You wish, Russo. Hey, you can't even say "fairies" anymore without it getting muted? Sheesh. "I made a promise that I would never go back on television...but every time I leave, they pull me back in." *cough*BULLSHIT*cough* "I got a big problem on my hands right now, and his name is Goldberg." GOLDBERG appears behind the security and promptly removes the four from the ring. Tony: "He has manhandled five men!" Me: "1, 2, 3, 4...hmm...4." Tony: "FIVE MEN!" "You wanna? Go ahead! Go ahead! Go ahead! You lay one finger on me and you breach that contract! That's exactly what I want - I'm beggin' ya! Go ahead! Go ahead! Set the example for the kids, Bill! Set the example for the kids! You'd better back off! It's this simple. I would fire your ass right here, right now, but you've got a guaranteed contract protectin' ya, don't ya. I'll tell ya what, Bill. I don't want any more problems. Let's end this right here, right now. I'm gonna make you an offer you can't refuse. This, Bill - this is your official release from WCW. If you sign this, there won't be any problems - I will see to it that you get paid in full, and you can show up next Monday night wherever the hell you want. Go ahead, Bill... I know you can write. Go ahead, let's do this the easy way right now. Let's end it. Sign it, Bill. Don't listen - sign it, Bill. Don't listen - sign it." Goldberg takes the pen... "First smart thing you--" ...and then chucks it, and rips up the release. "I guess you're gonna make my life a living hell, huh, Bill?" "It looks like YOU'RE gonna make your life a living hell--" "Well, let's TALK about a livin' hell, Bill. 'cause I'm not in this alone! Right now, Jarrett's back there, he's waitin' for a piece o' you. And what kind of mood is Kevin Nash gonna be in when he walks in this building tonight? You better give a damn? And what about Scott Steiner? What about what you did to Midajah last week? Go ahead, hit me, I'm BEGGIN' ya to hit me. The fact of the matter is, Bill, Steiner is so outta control...that you told your girlfriend Beth--" Goldberg grabs him by the neck and shoves him to the corner. But, on the TurnerTron..."Hey Goldberg!
That room look familiar to you? Last week you touched one of my favourite
freaks - and you didn't think I'd get payback? Well, this week, it's
payback! I'm about to show your girlfriend what it's like to be with a
real man! What's that mean?" and he knocks down the door and kidnaps
Beth...THEN decides he might be better off without a camera filming all of
this. He shoves the cameraman away. Meanwhile, Goldberg's taken off like
a shot, leaving Russo raising his arms in the ring in-between fits of
selling the choke. As Russo goes to leave, BOOKA T. steps out -
to ask when Steiner started beating up white women, too. Or maybe to ask
what the hell was up with that whole GI Bro thing. "I hope you're here to
thank me." "No, Vince, what I am here for is...I hear you out here talking
about this, I hear you talking about that, I need you to deliver a message
from me to your boy, Big Kevin Nash. As soon as he arrives in this arena
tonight, I need you to tell him this: that I'm gonna be so far up in his
behind, it's gonna be hard for him to breathe. Now can u dig that?" "Wait
a minute - let me get this straight. You're gonna tell ME what to do?
What is wrong with that picture, Booker? You're looking at the guy that
MADE you! All these years, you were at the bottom of WCW - quite frankly,
where I think you deserved to be! Vince Russo comes along, gives you an
opportunity, and you're gonna come out here and tell me what to do? Well,
I'll tell you what - get to steppin'! Can u dig that?" T ponders this -
and delivers a kick to Russo. Off the ropes with the axe kick. Play his
"Wreak Havoc with Witchblade" contest promo - visit wcw.com for more details - or poke your own eyes out and save yourself the trobule
WCW is brought to you in part by Western Union Money Transfer! No, not LITERALLY
Goldberg gets on his chopper and drives away. Did he get LOST running down the hall?
Replay of the axe kick and pose.
Russo asks the men around him where they were - well, they were getting dressed in their matching T-shirts, all of which say "Natural Born Thrillers." Russo tells Chuck Palumbo that if Nash is late, HE'LL get a title shot against Booker T.
KWEE-WEE & PAISLEY v. CPL. CAJUN & MAJ. GUNNS in mixed tag action - this just in, Papaya II is (apparently) gone, the Acronym is (apparently) gone. Tonight after Nitro, an Encore Presentation of "Bull." Make your own joke. You won't like Kwee-Wee when he's angry...or when he's happy, sad, ambivalent, ambiguous... Finish sees Cajun beal Gunns from the second rope into a press for the pin on Paisley. No, nothing of note happened before that. Frankly, you're lucky you get the finish from me. It's gonna be another one of THOSE shows. (2:57) Post-match, Kwee-Wee and Paisley attack in mid-strip.
Russo talks to Scott on the phone. "Scott - I got him every step of the way - Yeah - He's on his way - Get ready." Geez, I hope somebody watching this show gets Goldberg on the cel phone and WARNS him
Promotional consideration paid for by Targon, Corn Nuts, America
(!ah) Online, and Motel 6 7/8
JOBBED TO DAVID ARQUETTE & 3 COUNT are in the ring to debut the song that Abbott wrote. Abbott sings badly. 3 Count provide background. "Ain't Nothin' But a Tank Thing." All that's missing from this segment is Heenan saying "Get the gong." Abbott finally stops in second chorus, complaining about 3 Count screwing it up. He takes his green square and leaves. Then, he turns back to complain some more, allowing ample time for THE JOBBIN' JUGGALO, INSANE CLOWN POSSE & GREAT MUTA to punk him out from behind AND clear the ring of 3 Count. "Hell yeah, juggalos! We're here for two reasons. First thing - this right here is the Dark Carnival. The second thing, thanks to my homey Evil Dead who can't be here with me because - well, he's dead - I am about to introduce the sickest, twisted, darkest, evilest form of arena combat there is in the entire world - the Juggalo Championship Wrestling is officially taking over this piece of (mute) WCW right here tonight! This is the only title that means anything to me. The Juggalo Championship Heavyweight belt! This is from the street - the streets of Detroit, and this is for juggalos, by juggalos, because, for too long, WCW has held me back. And the politics of this company has never let me unleash true violence in this ring! But what those morons in the back couldn't figure out is they couldn't handle the domination of the juggalo nation! And one thing, 'cause I know you're on vacation, and take a look at my face Mister Actor Man Steve Borden Who Plays the Part of Sting, this ain't business, this is personal, this is what I do best - and bitchboy, lemme tell you something, the Dark Carnival says you haven't even begun to go to hell yet. Sting, this is the dawn of the psychopatic rule. JCW has now taken over WCW and there ain't a damn thing that you can do about it!" Is it just me or does that JCW belt look A LOT like the old WWF Championship? Abbott hits the ring and everybody takes off. "Vampiro, you don't know NOTHIN' about the street! You dressed up like a silly clown and think you're tough? I'll take that belt from you tonight, boy. Later on tonight, me and you are going. Bring it. I'll be here, brother. Yeahbaby! Later tonight, buddy!"
Meanwhile, Chuck Palumbo works out - TONIGHT!
Buff Bagwell, who may or may not be close to a release, carries the power of the card for at least one more ad
The NATURAL BORN THRILLERS are out. If you've missed it, this group consists of Stasiak, Palumbo, Jindrak, O'Haire, Sanders and Cornell - err, Reno. Sanders: "Listen up, Witchita! I'm gonna say this reeeeeeeeeeeal sloooooooow so you people can comprehend. For the last two years, we've been watching the so-called 'superstars', the A#1 top guys draw above average paycheques with below average ratings, while we - us - the Natural Born Thrillers, have been abused day-in and day-out by a pitiful and bitter individual at the WCW Power Plant. Now, what you see here is a group of genetically jacked athletes. Reno: 6', 250 pounds - judge, jury and executioner. You wanna talk about excellence? Stasiak: 6'5, 265 pounds - a second generation wrestler. 4% body fat? I got your 4% body fat - O'Haire: 6'5, 275 pounds. Jindrak: 6'6, 265 pounds. And if you wanna talk about stylin' and profilin', the Above Average Mike Sanderss, 6'1 and a SWEEEEET 250. And last but not least, the Event Chuck Palumbo 6'5, 270 pounds who I predict will be the WCW Heavyweight Champion tonight. We're bigger, we're stronger, we're faster, and uh, I know we're a whole lot better lookin' than the rest of those boys in the back. Now thanks to Vince Russo, opportunity has knocked. Well, it's not knockin' fast enough, so we're kickin' the damn door in. So what we're gonna do, we're gonna give your children a hero to look up to - we're gonna give your boyfriends, your husbands an excuse to get into the gym. And we're gonna give you ladies a fantasy to go home to every Monday night."
Here to offer
rebuttal are the FILTHY
ANIMALS. Shootin' Konnan: "And I thought Tank
Abbott's promos were bad. You guys just stunk up the joint. Let me tell
you how it is, dogs. You boys are soft. You're talking about it's your
turn? You haven't paid no dues - you're straight outta the Power Plant -
wet behind the ears. Never held a title, never been on the road, never
done NOTHIN'. But you know what, what you're lookin' at right here, we've
held the tag team titles, the US title, TV titles. You guys ain't got no
talent, no rap, no game, no charisma, no cilo, you ain't got it like that!"
Hey, let's take an ad break. Huh?
When we come back, it looks like a match has broken out:
RAYMOND STEREO & DE JOOSY ONE & DISCO INFERNO v. MARK JINDAK & SEAN O'HAIRE & "ABOVE AVERAGE" MIKE SANDERS - Konnan and Stasiak have taken headsets as well. Guerrera off the ropes, O'Haire ain't movin'. A brief huddle in the Animals corner. Off the ropes, ducks, sliding through, kick the knee, kick, Guerrera with a suplex. Outside, springing in - and caught. O'Haire holds him high - then puts him down in a Falcon Arrow...for 2. Tag to Jindrak - into the ropes, double leapfrog, O'Haire with a clothesline. Jindrak gutshot, into the ropes, Guerrera holds on, *Jindrak* holds on, Guerrera sucks the clothesline, off the ropes, body scissors, Guerrera with a bulldog. Tag to Mysterio - springboard legdrop gets 2. Mysterio ducks a clothesline, right left right left right, right, right, into the ropes, reversed, ducks, springboard...caught. Jindrak spins him over with a sidewalk slam. Konnan calls Stasiak "Stan." Gutshot, in the ropes, Mysterio spins, ducks a clothesline, and dropkicks the knees. Disco Interno tagged in - off the ropes, drop toehold - Mysterio drops the leg on the head. Disco wears FUBU? Elbowdrop. Bit of a strut - swinging neckbreaker. Taking a swing at Sanders to draw him in - and draw *away* referee "Blind" Jamie Tucker. Jindrak in the ropes, reversed, Sanders hits him from behind and Jindrak clotheslines him. Tag to Sanders. Stomp stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, right, into the ropes, Inferno tries to reverse but Sanders holds onto the arm, slides under STILL holding the arm, and then lets go - belly-to-back overhead suplex. Tag to O'Haire. Both men off opposite ropes, meeting Disco in the centre with sandwich kicks. Sanders does a Grand Master Sexay impersonation, then drops a knee following the dance. O'Haire covers - 2. Into the opposite corner is reversed, but O'Haire puts up the elbow. O'Haire leaps to the top rope, flips off, stumbles (Hudson: "What agility!"), ducks a clothesline, right hand. Cover - Mysterio saves at 2. Tag to Jindrak - O'Haire with a jawbreaker. Jindrak with a springboard clothesline. Stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp. Into the opposite corner, Inferno sidesteps the charge and hits a Russian legsweep. Tag to the Juice - off the ropes, atomic drop by Inferno, springboard spinning heel kick by Guerrera. Stomp, kick to the head. Ten Punch Count Along. Guerrera draws in the other two Thrillers, forcing Tucker over - and Mysterio and Inferno boost Jindrak to the top turnbuckle for the Juice. Top rope Frankensteiner hits. 1, 2, nope! Tag to Mysterio - HE'S going up top. O'Haire over with a high kick that takes Mysterio off the top - and crotching himself on the top rope. Jindrak tags Sanders in the middle of a half hour suplex. Sanders off the ropes with a legdrop. Another legdrop. Tag to O'Haire. Into the ropes, Sanders boosts Mysterio into an O'Haire powerslam...for 2. Into the ropes, gutwrench, bringing him up - Mysterio tries to punch out but still gets planted with the powerbomb. 1, 2, Inferno breaks it up. Tag to Jindrak - into the ropes, double leapfrog (why do they do that?), Mysterio counters the tilt-a-whirl with a flying headscissors on Jindrak. Mysterio on Jindrak in the corner - somehow obscuring him enough that O'Haire doesn't see him. As he lunges with a flying forearm smash, he ends up hitting his partner. Mysterio slides through and tags Guerrera as Sanders tags himself in on the other side. Off the ropes, Guerrera up, Guerrera down with a head scissors. Heel kick. Off the ropes with another head scissors. Tag to Inferno, Juvi whips him into Sanders, then Inferno gets on all fours to boost Guerrera into a side kick. Mysterio with the broncobuster. Something's muted here. Disco with a DDT on O'Haire. Another broncobuster for him. Jindrak comes in - Disco does something to him off camera, Guerrera dropkicks him into a THIRD corner. RENO is out - Disco knocks him off the apron. Tygress with a broncobuster on Jindrak. Disco holding Sanders for a "wassup" from Mysterio - but O'Haire takes him out with a thrust kick. Guerrera with a crossbody on O'Haire that takes them BOTH out of the ring, while Mysterio tries a Frankensteiner on Jindrak - still trying - they both tumble over the top rope! Disco gets a foot up on an advancing Sanders...ducks a clothesline, going for a backdrop but Sanders flips out and hits a...hmm. "Fireman's carry drop neckbreaker?" Tony calls it a "hangman's noose type neckbreaker." Whatever it was, Disco stays down for 3. (8:21) Post-match, O'Haire grazes Tygress with a Seantonbomb. Quick, cut to
Goldberg rides! He's an American badass! He pulls up to his hotel and parks...and...we take an ad break.
Jeff Jarrett shills Tracfone
Okay, now let me tell you why the Worldwide match between the Jung Dragons and Filthy Animals was SO much better. Unlike the Thrillers, the Dragons have at least ONE non-green guy (Kaz) who actually has some history with his opponents. The spots were STILL meaningless, but they also actually SEEMED to lead somewhere. NO BULLSHIT RUN-INS. Also, during Worldwide, Konnan, Tenay and Schiavone were actually laid back on commentary (the "huracanrana" discussion was actually funny) instead of trying really hard to tell us how great the match we were watching was and how lucky we were that WCW was "pushing the New Blood," ad nauseum IN ADDITION to a terribly classy (and surely scripted) comment coming out like "I wonder if Scott Steiner and Goldberg's girlfriend are having fun on their date?" The only reason THIS match was "getting my money's worth" was because it was basically FREE.
Local slot sneaks in a Summerslam spot - it's Sunday!
During the Break, Tygress was rescued underneath a TV-14-DL logo
stands with Chuck Palumbo, who proclaims himself
the future of the business AND the next WCW Champ - thanks to Vince Russo.
WCW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE: BOOKA T. v. #1 CONTENDER CHUCK PALUMBO - champ enters first because it's the only way to reveal to us that there's no ref in the ring. Announcer DAVID PENZER motions to the back that there's no referee...and "Not Iron Man" fires up. VIC VENOM, KING OF THE 2.0 SEGMENT is out in the zebra (with red NY Yankees logo on the right breast - I *think* MLB can sue them for that). Booker leads the crowd in some synchronous clapping. Lockup, side headlock by T, chain wrestling to a hammerlock. Palumbo elbows out, right, right, into the ropes, duck, Harlem sidekick. Into the ropes, back elbow. Going for a snap suplex - Palumbo holding on, blocking, and freeing himself. T goes right back to the gut and DOES suplex him this time. "Russo Sux" chant is strong. Palumbo with a right, right, right, into the ropes is reversed, T with a spinebuster, rolling over and holding both legs for a pinning predicament. Russo doesn't count. T grabs Russo by the neck and makes threatening noises. Palumbo knees T in the back. Jungle kick...Russo over late to start his fast count, and Booker kicks out at 2. Right. Right. Palumbo with a delayed suplex for 1. Field goal kick. Another field goal kick. Palumbo makes a big show of displaying an open hand before closing it into a fist to throw the right. Into the ropes, T up and over, twisting into the body scissors rollup...Russo takes the long way round...and get to 0 before Palumbo kicks out. Clothesline by Palumbo. Right hand by Palumbo. Into the ropes, powerslam. 1 2 kickout. Palumbo puts a knee in the back - almost a bow and arrow, Russo adding a slap - well, T's already drawing strength from the fans and breaking up the hold. Palumbo with a knee in the gut. Right hand. Into the ropes, reversed, drops down, flying forearm by T. Right, right, right, into the ropes is reversed, T holds on - death suplex. "Booker T" chant. "Iblockyourpunchyoudon'tblockmine," again, right, right, Palumbo rakes the eyes. Right, into the ropes is reversed, T flapjacks him down and breakdances back up. Harlem sidekick. MIKE SANDERS makes the run-in - Booker punches him off the apron. MARK JINDRAK up - Mark Jindrak down. SEAN O'HAIRE on the apron - HE goes down. RENO in - Rollin' the Dice hits. All four men get to stompin' while BIG VITO comes out and clusters it up JUST a bit more by wailing away on all four men and, with the aid of a stickball stick, besting them. See, having *Big Vito* take you out, along with your three friends, is a PUSH. KEVIN NASH is finally here, and he's got a chair. Say, who's he gonna hit? Of course...Booker T. Palumbo covers - but Russo is arguing with Vito! Finally, he turns around and quick counts - 123. Ladies and gentlemen, Chuck Palumbo is the WCW World Heavyweight Champion. (6:03) Nash walks off and Russo and Palumbo hug. The rest of the Thrillers hit the ring...just as the music of COMMISSIONER CAT takes over on the sound system. Whew, I was *scared* during those twenty seconds! Cat is accompanied by MRS. JONES (ANY RELATION TO MIKE JONES?) and carries a stick. "Hey cut that music off!" Tony: "This has been a breathtaking segment!" "Hey, Vince - I don't know what the hell you think you're doin' out here - but maybe, wait a minute, maybe you forgot one thing. Move yo ass because I'm coming in. Now, I'm gonna tell you something. Eric Bischoff put me in this commissioner job - you are the writer. So this means you and I have the same stroke, okay?" Russo gets muted, so he must be saying "bullshit" or something. "No, we have the same stroke, you can't overpower me and I can't overpower you because Eric Bischoff gave me this stroke! Now, since you... not the commissioner and I am, this was not the official ending of that match." More muting. "Hey! Hey, Goldilocks - gimme that damn belt. Now, now - Vince Russo, first of all I want all you stooges out here to get the hell to the back right now. Sit yo ass down, Goldilocks. That goes for you too, Igor, get yo ass to the back. Now...listen, I'm the commissioner, you the writer. Now, since that was not an official match, this belt still belong to the Champion, Booker T! Now. I'm gon' kick yo ass myself, now." "Cat - as much as I want that belt I can't take it like that. I didn't pin this sucka in the middle of the ring, and the fans won't let me have it that way, so you can keep the world title if you want it, or do whatever you want with it." "Well, you know, Champ, I thought you would say that. So we gon' restart this match. Wait a minute! Wait a minute, chump - that goes for you too. Now, we gon' restart this match - since you're the writer, I want you to write your ass right out of this ring. I want you to sit - I want you to take your ass over to the colour booth and I want you to sit right next to big ol' fatass Mark Madden. Now, ring that bell, we gotta referee here! And Cat removes his shirt to reveal the zebra stripes. Kudos to Cat for actually hiding the shirt this week. Palumbo right, right, into the opposite corner, splash misses, T with a rollup for 2. T ducks a clothesline, Palumbo ducks, Russo is screaming something muted on headset. Gutshot by T, elbow, into the ropes is reversed, T holds on, knee to the gut, Palumbo doubles over for an axe kick. T breakdances back up and hits the Harlem sidekick. Russo to ringside. T puts Palumbo in the ropes, reversed, T catches Palumbo with the Book End. 1, 2, 3. (1:25 - 7:28 total) Russo back on headset: "What is that" Me: "That's what they call a Dusty finish - I bet Dusty would work for half what *you're* making..."
(not that any of us wants that)
Cut to Goldberg, who is running up a flight of stairs and down a hall. Damn, it took him a LONG time to get from the front door of the hotel to his room, didn't it?
The 1-800-CAL-LATT Road Report sez: Nitro hits Las Cruces next week!
And while you're in Las Cruces, be sure and stop off at HOBO JOE'S!
Coincidentally, three minutes and ten seconds after we first saw Goldberg running down the hall, he FINALLY makes it to his room JUST as we come back. (wink, wink) He busts down the door to find...no one. Instead, there's a note on the bathroom mirror with lipstick. "Bill, See you at the building. She's ok for now." Goldberg hurls a chair at the mirror (nope, it just bounces off), then takes off...
THE JOBBIN' JUGGALO (with Insane Clown Posse) v. JOBBED TO TANK ABBOTT in a Best Jobber match for the JCW title - The ICP overrun the commentary table and spend the entire match putting over WCW - ha ha, just kidding. Maybe I've become too old but I didn't find this particularly entertaining. Abbott's HAND OF STONE takes out referee "Blind" Charles Robinson when Vampiro ducks - that's a whopping eighty seconds in. The deadly right DOES strike Vampiro...so the ICP get up and hit the ring. Right for Violent J - Shaggy 2 Dope on his back and trying to punch away, but having no effect. Abbott backs him into the ring, right to the body, right to the head. GREAT MUTA is out, making the Muta face, forearm to the back to get Abbott's attention, and there's the green mist. Stomp, stomp, stomp, ICP join in...because only Robinson and Vampiro can sell that punch, I suppose. See-Ell-You-Ess-Tee-Eee-Arr-Eff-You-See-Kay. Hit their music! (call it 2:10) Vampiro, to his credit, continues to sell the punch outside the ring, then falls to the floor. 3 COUNT hits the ring and Muta and ICP scatter. Towel for Abbott...he cures his blindness, sees 3 Count, and walks off...STILL angry at them. Play HIS music!
Backstage, Steiner grabs Beth by the wrist and drags her around. Golly, I wonder what 1Bob Ryder thinks of this!
Jeff Jarrett, God love him, still sellin' them TracFone
Close captioning where available sponsored by Meineke! Not YOURneke - MEINEKE!
Backstage, Russo and Vito have some more words. Vito was doing the right thing out there when he helped out Booker - "he never done nothin' to you." Russo reminds him that the only reason he's working in WCW is because his friend gave him a job. If he wants to show him up, tonight he can take on Kevin Nash.
WCW WORLD HARDCORE TITLE: KRONYKK v. SCREAMIN' NORMAN SMILEY - Smiley doesn't want the title, see, so he asked for a handicap match with Kronic. Adams takes fourth headset and says Clark can have it on his own. If Smiley REALLY wanted to lose this title, he'd just lay down, right? Err....right? Smiley works over Clark with a kendo stick, then Clark works over Smiley with a kendo stick. Tony tries to work in a promo for the Encore Presentation of "Bull" but Smiley, on the outside, slaps Adams, preventing him from finishing the hype. Adams hits the ring - full nelson into the uranage. Meltdown coming up - and there it is. Adams goes outside to find a table (I don't have to tell you...the most over man in this match).
Typical Adams commentary as he sits back down.
"Through the table...with a goof...coming up...courtesy of Kronic." It
isn't NEARLY as funny if you can't imagine his monotone. Run-in by the
HARRIS BOYZ. H
bomb on Clark through the table. Smiley put on top of
Clark...referee "Blind" Jamie Tucker hits his "let's get outta here" fast
count and it's over. (3:40) Smiley is perturbed
that he has the belt.
Why didn't he just lay down? And...I wonder what the Cat thinks of this
Backstage we go as Cat and Mrs. Jones stand with Lance Storm. Cat tells Storm that Carl Oulette won't be here tonight because his working visa was revoked. Cat tells Storm he'll put his title on the line in a tag team match against Gen. Rection and Mike Awesome - oh, and Cat will choose Storm's tag team partner, who can ALSO pin him for the title. "It's just killin' you that you can't find anybody to beat me, isn't it, Cat. It's because there isn't an American good enough."
Meanwhile... Beth: "Why are you doin' this to me?" Steiner: "Why? What you worried about, you're just a pawn! I don't want you I want Goldberg!"
Coming up next: "Bull" Ha ha ha. "Bull."
Jeff Jarrett TracFone yeah
I feel like I've LITERALLY been watching this show for over 24 hours - hey, whaddaya know.
"Wreak Havoc with Witchblade" sweepstakes promo #2 - hey, that "Witchblade" - it's just like "the Matrix."
Pamela Paulshock interviews Big Vito - he's got an opportunity of a lifetime - Russo ain't his buddy no more - most alarmingly untrue comment (possibly) of the year follows: "...and Kevin Nash, I got two words for ya: the Staten Island Express is gonna run over your face, you punk!" Maybe I should have typed it "thestatenislandexpress isgonnerunoveryourfaceyoupunk" and THEN it would have been two words...
KEVIN NASH v. BIG VITO - Q: Which man is Russo's friend? A: Who got to enter second? Nash does a Dean Malenko armband adjustment on his way to the ring - you can almost see him say "I'm NOT gonna touch my hair, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not..." Ohhhh...Beth's just a PAWN. So it's OKAY that they're doing this "kidnap" angle. Right? Nash to the armbands again - oh wait HE TUSSLED HIS HAIR!! Here we go. Feeling out process. Lockup, knee by Nash, forearm across the back, brush hair back. In the corner with the knee, knee, knee, elbow, brush hair back. Elbow that doesn't even look like it connects. Another elbow. Brush hair back. Standing on the neck. Scoop...Vito slips free. Mafia kick connects, gutshot, gutshot, vertical suplex! Did Nash adjust his hair while lying on the mat? Vito climbs to the top and HITS the Savage elbow...for 2. Off the ropes with a legdrop, another legdrop, climbing to the opposite corner - swandive headbutt...1, 2, kickout. Nash to his feet and whipping his hair back - Vito pulls down the straps (ooh!) right, right, right, right, right - every blow causes Nash to whip his hair back. Into the opposite corner, Nash puts up a back elbow, whips his hair back, and clotheslines Vito down. Nash brushes his hair back. Sidewalk slam....holding onto the leg - 1, 2, kickout! Nash brushes his hair back. Scoop...snake eyes. Brush hair back, choke...chokeslam. Leg is hooked - 1, 2, kickout. Commentators act like every kickout is THE MOST SHOCKINGEST KICKOUT IN THE HISTORY OF THE UNIVERSE ITSELF but the live crowd sure ain't feelin' *that*. Nash brushes his hair back. Into the ropes, big boot, brush hair back. Nash brushes his hair back AGAIN, and now HIS straps are down...not too far, though - don't want you to see that gut! Truckstop Drop coming up - Vito hits the mat so hard that music starts up! Nash whips his hair back. Nash doesn't want to pin him...he signals for one more. Nash whips his hair back - in position for the truckstop drop...I wonder why his back is to the aisle. Ahhh, it's run-in time - BOOKA T. comes in and breaks up the attempt. Referee "Blind" Mark Johnson calls for the bell (relaxed DQ 4:02) as T elbows Nash, right, right, into the ropes is reversed, T holds on, gutshot, knee, off the ropes with a Harlem sidekick! Nash gets out of the ring as T's music plays. T checks on Vito. Here's an essay question for you: Who got pushed in this segment?
Castrol Motor Oily sponsors this replay of T's Harlem sidekick - and this one - and this shot of Nash looking unhappy as he leaves the ringside area - AND this shot of T
standing in the corner.
Backstage, Vito eschews some help from a trainer. 'Cause he's the Staten Island Express! Or something
LANCE STORM hits the ring. "After the reaction I received last week in Canada, I guess it's from first to worst tonight. Try to show a little bit of class and rise for the playing of the Canadian national anthem." We get exactly SIX seconds before Tony Schiavone interrupts the anthem - SHAME! We get about (:15) before the music of Storm's tag team partner fires up...
LANCE STORM and JEDOUBLEF JADOUBLEREDOUBLET v. GEN. RECTION & AWESOME MULLET with the Candian Heavyweight title on the line...somehow - if you noticed Jarrett's pyro in the ring prior to the playing of the Canadian national anthem, give yourself a gold star - then ask yourself why you're actually watching this show that closely and not writing the WrestleLine Nitro recap at the same time. Rection and Awesome hit the ring without music and we've got one o' them Pier Four type brawls as the bell rings. Awesome puts Jarrett in the ropes, big boot, Jarrett rolls outside. Rection and Storm bouncing off the ropes, Rection clothesline. Right hand. Right. Kick, kick, kick, kick, Storm kicks back, Rection right, chop, "USA" chant, chop, into the opposite corner, Rection runs into him, Storm walks out into a guerilla press slam. Rection off the ropes, Jarrett puts a foot in the back - Rection turns around and gives HIM a shot, then turns back to eat a Storm superkick...for 2. Storm with a jawbreaker, elbow, into the ropes, flying shouldertackle (landing on his feet), cover...for 2. Into the ropes, dropkick...for 2, this time *Jarrett* breaks it up. Storm with a shove for his partner, Jarrett shoves backwards into a Rection inside cradle - 1, 2, kickout. For some reason, Jarrett didn't save Storm...does he want the title or not? Jarrett posing on the ropes. Rection pops him, clotheslines Storm, then clotheslines Jarrett out of the ring. Into the ropes goes Storm, powerslam by Rection. I think Awesome wants a tag here, but Rection wants to climb to the top - Savage elbow MISSES. Storm with a drop toehold, holding on for the Maple Leaf, Rection tags. Awesome in with a clothesline to the back of Storm's head, breaking the hold. Shot for Jarrett, clothesline for Storm, into the ropes, presses him up and lets him drop - into a Ligerbomb for 2 - Jarrett breaks it up. Jarrett stomps on Awesome a bit. All four men in the ring now - Awesome going up for No Laughing Matter - and hits it! Referee "Blind" Billy Silverman is watching Jarrett and Awesome brawl on the outside, however. Now, behind his back ELIX SKIPPER is out - aw geez - with a top rope legdrop on the back of Rection's head. Elbow, elbow, Rection drops as Skipper lunges and HE goes over the top to the outside. Rection decides to follow him out. Awesome back in the ring now. Got him up for the running Awesomebomb...but Storm drops to his feet behind his back. Jarrett, meanwhile, is in with his gee-tar - suh-WING and Awesome takes it squaar in the back as Storm manages to duck (was he swinging for Storm?). Storm covers Awesome - 1, 2, 3. Storm retains. (3:42) Skipper and Storm run for the border.
Your hosts include TONY SCHIAVONE & SCOTT HUDSON. All night we've been following the story of Goldberg, Beth, and Scott Steiner. Steiner and Goldberg meet at Fall Brawl, but TONIGHT it's been...well, so it has.
Backstage, Steiner tells Beth to shut up a few times and they're making their way to the ring...
Through the curtain and down the aisle are WHITE THUNDER & BETH. Steiner eventually puts her over his shoulder to carry her to the ring. This must be our main event tonight. "Goldberg! There's only a few things in this world that I care about - there's only a few things in this world that make me happy, and that's my freaks! Everything else, I don't give a damn. Goldberg, you crossed the line when you put your hands on Midajah. You crossed the line when you jackhammered her through a table, so tonight I'm crossin' a line! See, normally I wouldn't be caught with a bitch this ugly, but she serves a purpose - she's bait! So Goldberg, come out here and be a hero - come out here and save your girlfriend." Tony: "WCW does not condone this." Uh huh. The music fires up and here comes GOLDBERG. Better actress: Beth...or Stephanie McMahon? No sooner does Goldberg get halfway down the aisle than JEDOUBLEF JADOUBLEREDOUBLET reappears and whacks Goldberg with a chair (what, he finally ran out of guitars?), whack, whack, whack, Goldberg continues to get up and approach the ring. Jarrett throws Goldberg in the ring...where Steiner is waiting. Steiner with a stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, Jarrett joining and the doubleteam stompdown hoedown is on. Beth cowers in a corner as if rooted to the spot. Crowd chanting "Goldberg" - I think. Goldberg draped over the second rope and Steiner works on putting his knee in Goldberg's kidney, spleen, gall bladder, and probably a few other internal organs as well. Oh, wait..maybe they're working the ribs. Goldberg has a shirt covering him, so I forgot about the fact that he probably has taped ribs under there. We call is "DDP Syndrome." Will NO ONE save this gallant white knight whose only interest is in saving his maiden fair? 'Course not, silly - BOOKA T. makes the save. T takes turns punching each man, and each man goes down. Before this gets too far, KEVIN NASH is in to beat down Booker T. All this, however, has given Goldberg enough time to recover and go to work on Steiner. Jarrett is over to pull Goldberg off - now RICK WOOF WOOF is out with a (foam) lead pipe - down goes T, down goes Goldberg. Rick hands out shackles. Chain up the black man! Chain up the Jew! Chain up the woman! Well, I think that should just about cover all the bases. Oh, wait...they don't chain up the woman - Steiner puts her in the Steiner recliner instead. Goldberg, each arm chained to a rope, can't get out of the corner and remains just out of reach. Steiner stomps awy on Goldberg after rendering Beth unconsciousness. Steiner with punches in bunches. Steiner goes back to stomping as the credits are up...and we're out.
Wait a minute...this isn't "Bull!" This is "the Pretender!" DAMN that's confusing.
Oh, wait...it's only 10. "Bull" is on in an hour.
Still, how about that violence to women, huh? Whooooa.
AFTER THE FACT: Jeff Sorrels files this on-site for the home site: Hey Chief,
I was at Nitro last night in Wichita (I know, I know, why? Free tickets make a man do strange things) and an interesting conspiracy occurred.
The sign police confiscated my sign "CRZ.net...and that's a shoot baby!" claiming they wouldn't allow signs that advertised any non-WCW related websites, despite the preponderance of such signs. At first I thought it might be the b-side "I Ate Stacy's Baby", but they let my partner in with a sign that had that one as well. My complaint almost cost me a chance to get in (and only if it had. Sigh.). Seems CRZ is persona non grata on WCW airwaves.
Anyway, thought you might be interested, and never, ever go see Nitro live. It took forever. Literally. I think I still might be there.
Love the recaps, and I wish I'd read your recap instead of driving three hours to see the show. Even half-assed they're more interesting than the real thing.
Hey, one final thought. Reading Mark's letter up above one more time, comparing me to Russo, kinda gets me thinking. Let's say I really WAS interested in getting more involved in this business. Let's say Nextlink stock triples and I'm suddenly able to retire, financially secure and free to chart my own course doing ANYTHING I cared to pursue. In five years - hell, check that - in *two* years, where do you think I could be? Where do you think Russo will be?
See ya tomorrow.