/18 December 2000
I GET LETTERS:
Evan Turner was on-site in DC: I went to Starrcade yesterday and was
dumb enough to pay full price for the tickets, but my friend and I did end
up getting good seats opposite the cameras. I'm the guy with the black
collared shirt and the Jesus hair/beard.
We got to see the lame half hour PPV shill that they showed on TV, displayed on the Starrcadetron. It was pretty funny being told to pay $30 to see it on TV when everyone there was going to see it live, but it's better than the clips of No Limit WCW songs and Hogan's WCW theme, with clips of Schiavone freaking out (which we listened to before 7:30). All before the show you could hear WHOOOOO's echoing throughout the building, which was pretty cool. The announcer took some time to warm up the audience by looking around and reading signs. ("I Still Fear Charles Robinson" - "You must be very proud, how much did he pay you to hold that up?" "Nothing's finer than a Steiner" - "Is that it? It seems like there should be more").
The ladder match was great to see live, and I don't care what certain people gave it, I thought it was better than the TLC match at Summerslam. The spots weren't quite as suicidal, but a lot cooler. They pretty much had to destroy themselves to stave off boring chants, which has gotta suck for them.
Cat vs. Storm was entertaining. My friend and I stood for the Canadian national anthem just to be elitist snobs. Since they were facing the cameras for the anthem, we got a good minute or two looking at Major Gunns' ass. I have a newfound respect for that woman. The crowd cared ten times as much about a potential catfight than the actual match.
The crowd was laughing at Funk vs. Crowbar, especially when Funk failed to push the dumpster Crowbar was in into the pillar.
Kronik vs. Vita & Reno. People were yelling for Vito to get the crap beat out of him, nobody knew the story enough to figure out what was going on, this was the "Bathroom break" match.
Awesome vs. Bigelow. A few people taunted Bam Bam with very unoriginal fat comments, nobody cared about the match or the chairshots, nobody knew who the face was, the crowd was just dead.
Rection vs. Douglas. The crowd went from dead to pissed. Bearhug, bearhug, bearhug. Shit.
Animals vs. JJ and Harrises. Nice spots from Rey, which the crowd appreciated. There was a really loud and heartfelt "Harris Brothers Suck" chant that should not be confused by anybody as real heel heat. Jarrett did draw more heat than I thought he would, and carried all the weight for his team.
Insiders vs. Perfect Event. Pretty big "Sanders is a homo" chant, which is impressive for a new guy. Everyone WHOOOO'ed along with Flair, which was damn cool. The crowd heat was of the "Hey, these guys were big when I watched WCW" variety, with DDP being the second most over man after Hall.
Goldberg vs. Luger. Big squash, nobody could figure out or care who was interfering or why, Goldberg standing in the middle of his pyro with sparks showering him was a really cool visual though.
Steiner vs. Vicious. I don't think Steiner's as over as people think, especially since his tweenerism confuses people and his interviews don't make sense even when translated into English.
Biggest heat goes to Lance Storm, Mike Sanders, and Rection/Douglas. Biggest pops were Goldberg's entrance, Flair's WHOOOOO, and Mean Gene's lecherous flagpole comment to Major Gunns.
PS if Bob Holly = Kool Moe Dee, does Kurt Angle = LL Cool J?
Special thanks also to Moses Gates for trying to get some signage my way during the show (I didn't see it, sorry).
QUICK QUOTES: AOL 42.24 (- 6.25), TWX 63.25 (- 8.50 ... last year: 66 29/128), SPLN 6 (+ 1 5/16 ... last year: 62 3/8 - blame WrestleLine)
AWARDS: The reason that THIS report is so late is I took an extra 24 hours tying up the 2000 rec.sport.pro-wrestling awards - in the past, it's been not only a good indicator of the online community's *current* faves and raves, but also an accurate predictor of trends for the coming years. If you can spare a few hours to dig into it, hop over to rec.sport.pro-wrestling.info!
Also, this year marks the first time the eleven year history of the poll that the results have been concurrently made on the World Wide Web - head over to http://www.CRZ.net/wrestling/awards/2000/ if you're more web-inclined.
YEAR IN REVIEW: Want to help put it together? With the Awards finished, now's the time to write and let me know!
WCW logo - oh yes, that WCW logo
TV-14-DL "Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, I'm Ric Flair, CEO of WCW - welcome to Monday Night Nitro. Wooo what a show we've got lined up for you tonight! Now let's talk about last night, first of all - Starrcade at Washington, DC may have been one of the grandest Starrcades of 'em all - it was glorious! We're back up and we're ROLLIN' baby - but let's get down to some business that's gonna be happenin' tonight. Last night, Buff Bagwell, you interfered in a match between Lex Luger, the Total Package...and Bill Goldberg. It made it very obvious to me and all the wrestling fans that you wanna get to know Bill Goldberg even better, so tonight, right here on Nitro, Buff Bagwell, woooo you gotta match with Bill Goldberg. Now let's get to my favourite topic and that's the World Heavyweight Championship - last night, Scott Steiner, our world heavyweight champion - our flagship - beat one of the great wrestlers of all time, Sid Vicious to retain the world heavyweight championship. Congratulations, Scott...but it's only just begun for you - I cannot let you ride on your laurels. We've got to keep moving forward - Sin Sunday, January 14th, our next big pay-per-view, you're the world heavyweight champion, Scott Steiner, and you're gonna be'fendin' your title, and tonight, I'm gonna reveal, during the course of the show who your opponent is, or who your opponents are going to be. Ladies and gentlemen, it's Monday Nitro Nitro woooo let's kick it in gear - woooo."
Clips from Starrcade - I don't think you should be saying *anything* with "World Order" after it, but ESPECIALLY not "Nashville," Nash & Page win the straps once again, Goldberg wins, Steiner retains...and nothing else happened, I guess.
Opening Credits - it might be my eyes, but I only see Booker T. twice in here now - and one of THOSE times, he's gettin' it with the gee-tar
PYRO AND LIGHTS - this is the Richmond Colesium in Richmond, VA - and aired undetermined via tape delay the same day, 18.12.2K - THIS is WCW Monday Nitro on TNT!
SUGAR SHANE HELMS (already in the ring, with stills from Starrcade) v. SHANNON MOORE in a #1 Contender's match - Starrcade stills show us how we got here, when we had two winners of the six-way ladder match. I know, go figure. Anyway, Flair decided that from two, we need one, so this match is the result. Handshake to start, as you'd expect from the partners. WCW Backstage Assault for the Playstation box clutters up my screen. Moore ducks the lockup and applies the waistlock - Helms with the hiptoss to counter. Into the ropes, wow, they've already managed to infringe on a WWF trademark - well done. up and over, Moore up - headscissors down - Helms takes a powder. Back in...lockup, side headlock from Helms, Moore elbowing out, holding onto the whip attempt but Moore ducks it, off the ropes, sleeper, Helms shoves him off, drop toehold, waistlock and rollover for 2. Moore with a schoolboy for 2. Single leg trip gets 2 for Moore. Backslide for 2. Drop toehold by Moore, another roll gets 2. Moore with a body scissors rollup for 2. Helms says "I'm sick of your spot / spot / spot shit" and throws him over the top rope with a hairpull. Ready to go out after him, but Moore pulls him out by the ankles and slides back in himself. Hands on hips - bring it, if you please. Helms to the apron, Moore with a head to the gut. Going for the sunset flip over the top rope to the floor, but Moore flubs it and lands on his ass. He considers pretending it didn't happen, but Helms is all "I ain't selling THAT, yo" so Moore switches up, just pulling his ankles and hitting him face first on the mat. Running at him on the floor, Helms dumps him over his head...Moore lands on the apron, and leaps off with a head scissors takeover that bounces Helms' head into the safety rail after a somersault. Helms rolled back in, Moore follows. Clothesline ducked by Helms, tilt-a-whirl for naught as Moore lands on his feet - going for the tombstone, Helms leans backwards...got him on his shoulder, but Moore shoves him hard into the turnbuckle shoulder first. Sat up on top, right hand by Moore, going outside and climbing up...another forearm, top rope, forearm, Helms elbowing out...got Moore on his shoulder - BIG powerslam from the corner. 1, 2, kickout! Up on the shoulders...spun around into a jawbuster using the knee. Helms waiting on him...arm wringer, go behind holding the arm, straitjacket suplex - which Joey Styles calls it the X-plex (uhhh no) - but referee "Blind" Jamie Tucker only counts 2. Helms argues the count...perhaps a little too long here, wasting a lot of time. Moore's head meets the top turnbuckle, into the opposite corner...Helms ready with Marty Jannetty's Showstopper ("Sugar Smack"), but Moore ducks it, Helms put in the corner, but Helms dumps him over the top rope to the apron. Moore counters with a hairpull to the mat, climbing up, springboard corkscrew press - 1, 2, NO! Right hand by Moore, into the ropes, hiptoss blocked, Helms with a knee in the gut, leg on the neck, back flippy flippy, into the ropes, hiptoss blocked by Moore, knee, leg on the neck, Rocker Dropper ("his manoeuvre") puts him down - 1, 2, NO! Moore staying on him, sitting him on top, right, climbing to the second rope - top floor...Frankensteiner attempt, but he forgot to take Helms with him - yikes. Helms to the top - super sunset flip! 1, 2, shoulder up at the LAST possible instant (even as Tucker's arm contacts the mat). Into the ropes, reversed, Helms with a forearm to the back - hooks the arms...reverse Gorry special...and GORRYBOMB. Oh, sorry, "Vertebraeker." JESUS. They're ruining this match! 1, 2, 3. (6:17) Well, if tonight's show is anything like the PPV, I can lay out for the next two hours and coast, 'cause it ain't gettin' any better than THIS. Shane Helms is the #1 Contender...helping up his partner...but CHAVO GUERRERO, JNR is out to punk *both* of them out - into the ropes, reversed, Helms ducks, Moore has him on his shoulders...double swinging neckbreaker---oh FUCK ME it's the "Nightmare on Helms Street." Well, these guys are ready for ECW to fold at least. Chavo's left laying....
We cut backstage to see General Rection tell Lash LeRoux he TOLD him that Chavo's no good. "Don't roll your eyes!"
This portion of WCW Monday Nitro is brought to you by 1-800-COL-LECT
Wanna drop forty bones? Head over to wcwgear.com and buy a Goldberg jersey!
MESH HEAD MUSH MOUTH &
are out to talk about Flair. I'm
guessing. "You know, Ric Flair (thank you, thank you very much. Call me
"Cleo") - you're taking your job as CEO way too personal, and I know the
reason why. See when you were champion, they said you were just averaged.
See, when I'm the champion now, they say I'm the genetic freak. I'M the
man with the largest arms in the world - you, you were just averaged. See,
when you were champion, you squeaked by victories - me, I dominate - I
destroy, because I'm the real deal! And now, you find out as being CEO is
a lot more difficult than you thought. So you can't find enough wrestlers
back there brave enough to face me. Well I got an idea for ya - why don't
you try to convince Diamond Dallas Page to get a sex change so he has the
BALLS to come out here and face me. Now Ric Flair, you've been in this
business a long time, and you have seen a lot of white trash, and a lot of
jabrones, so when Diamond Dallas Page comes out here and says 'self high
five,' do your job - send him back down to the bush leagues where he
belongs! When he comes out here and says 'badda-boom, badda-bing,
badda-bang...' I don't even know what the hell that means - send him back
down to the bush leagues, because he's proof you can take somebody out of
the trailer park, but he'll always be...white trash. So Ric Flair, I'm on
my knees beggin' you, please, be Diamond Dallas Page MY next opponent - so
get your ass out here and tell me it is." I know it LOOKS like I made
several typos up there - I assure I did not. THE CEO is out to offer
counterpoint. "Scott Steiner, congratulations on last night. You beat Sid
Vicious - you are the man. You're taking this CEO thing way too seriously.
It's MY job as the CEO to make sure the franchise player in the entire
wrestling world - that's you - stay the man day in and day out. You are
the man, am I correct in saying that?" "You're damn right I'm the man!"
"All right. We've told everybody for years, anybody that wore that belt
was the man - I'm giving you that - but now, you've gotta stay the man, and
that's my job. I gotta make life interesting for you." "You call it
interesting? I say you're trying to screw me!" "No. What I've done now
is I see Sin Sunday as a huge pay-per-view and our world champion has got
to be on it! So you know what I've done? Because you're the man, I've
made it a three-way dance." I'm about to have a seizure from the strobe
lights in my face here. "Wooo! Now lemme tell ya how we're gonna get
there. Tonight there's gonna be two preliminary matches - and the winners
of those two preliminary matches will wrestle in the main event - the
winner of the main event will be ONE of your opponents. And just to make
sure that you don't run around backstage, kickin' everybody's ass again,
I'm not gonna tell you who they are! You'll gonna have to watch the show!
But here's the sticker. This is the sticker. I've also hired a mystery
player. And I'm not gon' tell ANYBODY, and I don't have to, 'cause I'm the
boss, who it is! I'm not telling you or the wrestling world - but he will
be here to..night. And he told me he wants to get next to you." "Ric
Flair, do you remember what happened last time you pissed me off? You
visited Arn Anderson in the hospital. You just pissed me off." "Three way
dance. You're the world heavyweight champion...and if you're the man,
you'll walk out the champion." "I'm the man, and I'm gonna find out who
the mystery partner is tonight; if I don't, I'll find YOU."
Promotional consideration paid for by America (ha!) Online 6.0, Crown Books' "I'm Next," Slim Jim (Savage), "Toy Story 2" on VHS & DVD, and America (again!) Online 6.0
The following segment is paid for by Jimmy Hart - but NOT IN MY REPORT
Stills from Starrcade show Buff Bagwell join Lex Luger and attack the Sarge
GENE O. works tonight! He stands with Luger and Bagwell, who perform an impromptu book review. Bagwell says being designated as an interviewer last night was the last straw - this company's been systematically holding him down for nine years, and he's had enough. What better way to get back to the top than to hook up with Lex Luger and form a tag team - called Totally Buff. Steiner walks in and tells them to help him figure out the mystery partner. They promise to help, sensing that any other action might meet them with bodily harm...and then they all take off.
WCW WORLD HARDCORE TITLE: THEMONSTERMENG (with Kwee-wee & Paisley & Let Us Take You Back One Week & Starrcade Stills) v. TERRY FUNK - Funk won the title last night, if you haven't figured it out by now. Funk appears on the Nitrotron. "Hey Meng - you monkey-face moron - I'm calling you out for a hardcore match! You with your flat feet and banana nose - come out here and meet the hardcore legend inside of a cage - have you got the guts, Meng? You hear me? Come on out - come on out, Meng! Come on! Themonstermeng runs backstage...and here we go. "Hooohoohohohohoo hohohohohoho waahaha waahahahahaha" - through another door and Themonstereng finds Funk - who slams a cyclone fence on him. Themonstermeng punches, Funk runs him into the fence, another fence, garbage can, garbage can, garbage can, unwraps his fist, but before he can choke him - oh, wait, those are cuffs - Themonstermeng strikes, and Funk drops them.
Themonstermeng with the can. Themonstermeng shackling Funk -
and now stomping on him - garbage can to the head. NBA on TNT Wednesdays
and Thursdays. Funk begging off "don't hit me - I'm seein' doubel now - I
got a grandkid - please don't hit me - I don't give a damn, ya got a big
fat nose, Meng" so Themonstermeng waffles him with the lid. Umm....okay.
Into a laundry cart. To another garbage can. Funk tosses the can in the
air - and it lands on his head. Oh well. Can to the head. Can to the
head. He's wearing his Faces of Fear tights! Funk takes a ride on a case
on wheels. Can to the head. Can to the head. It's all Themonstermeng.
Can to the head. Can to the head. They're out to the aisle by now - into
the safety rail with Funk. Can to the head. I need a "Can to the head"
macro. Head to the apron. Rolled under the bottom rope - Themonstermeng
looking for plundah...and pulling up a table. Funk helpfully takes it from
him and sets it up in the ring while Themonstermeng goes back for the
garbage can. Can to the head. Themonstermeng in the ring - oops, Funk got
the can - can to the head, no sell. Can to the head, no sell. Funk hits
himself in the head with it, eliminating the middleman. Themonstermeng
with the (wait for it) can to the head. Funk put on the table.
Themonsermeng going airborne...but the pool is empty, and he breaks the
table with a splash. BUT HE NO SELLS IT! TONGAN DEATH GRIP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Aw, BLOODY hell - here comes CROWBAR to put his golden
between Themonstermeng's shoulderblades. Funk covers - 1, 2, 3. That's
it, I'm outta here. (5:11) "Terry
Funk - look at me! Don't mistake what
I just did for loyalty or compassion. All that was was my insurance policy
that at Sin, you're 100%. Last night at Starrcade, I wasn't at my best. I
was walking around like a jackass. Every time you swung that chair, every
time you reared back, every time that chair bounced off the skin of my
skull, you knocked more and more sense into me. If you got the guts,
you'll face me when I'm at my best - gimme the shot at Sin, Terry!" And he
You cannot imagine how many consecutive months they'll say "you cannot imagine." Sin is 14 January! Sin - BRILLIANT name. I can see it now. "Mommy, Daddy....can we order Sin?" JUST BRILLIANT
Jeff Jarrett avoids Scott Steiner tossing a chair - Steiner wants him to find out who the mystery partner is. Then he goes to the bathroom!
Starrcade stills detail the painstakingly crafted story of how Reno turned on Big Vito in a shocking.....aw screw it
Gene O. stands with Big Vito, who says "whatsa mattah witchyew?" He's coming after Reno AND the Thrillers. He vows that he'll have the last laugh.
Meanwhile, Daffney and Crowbar are WALKING! Back to Badlanders and feeling so good. Mike Awesome meets up with them. "Hey, Crow, bro, what happened to your clothes?" "Sorry, Mike man-- Mike. That 70's thing - it almost killed *my* career, and it totally made me lose my edge. Y'know, I'm sorry, it's just not for me. Thanks to Daffney, I've found the edge again, and I think it's really good if you'd start to find yours." "Yeah!" "Uhh..I've got mine, so...high five?" "Find your edge, man." "Yeah!" Awesome starts to say something else, but we go to the ad break instead. Oh well, it probably wasn't important anyway....RIGHT?
Monday Nitro will be pre-empted for the next two weeks - WOW! AN EARLY CHRISTMAS PRESENT FOR MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
WCW CHAMPIONSHIP CONTENDER'S MATCH: LANCE STORM (with Major Gunns & MIA T-shirt at wcwgear.com ad) v. ? - "If I can be serious for a minute,
I have held every singles title in this company but one (TV? Hudson
offers up the Women's title - whoa) and tonight, I earn my shot at the
world title. And since this isn't an election, not even you stupid
Americans can screw it up for me. All rise for the playing of the Canadian
national anthem! Anthem lasts (:20) before the Filthy
Animals' music fires
up...it's....it's... RAYMOND STEREO
(with Tygryss and Starrcade stills) -
his ribs are taped up from last night's Filthy Animals Streetfight &
Bunkhouse Brawl - we'd show you the stills, but they already rang the bell
and they're wrestling behind this B-roll! Into the ropes, reversed by
Storm, bringing him up - head scissors takeover by Mysterio. Drop toehold
as Storm comes in - La Magistral gets 2. Storm with a press...but Mysterio
escapes into a sunset flip for 2. Mysterio dropkicks Storm into referee
"Blind" Mark Johnson's knee, which isn't supposed to bend that way.
Storm's in position for the broncobuster - and what the hell, why not -
it's only BEEN thirty seconds! Mysterio stomps. Quebrada...meets the
knees. Stormkick. 1, 2, no. Backbreaker across the knee gets 2. Knee to
the ribs, knee, knee - maybe he SHOULDN'T have taped them up. Brings him
up....call Davey Boy up and tell him his half hour suplex just got
repossessed. 2 count for Storm. Mysterio outside - Storm quickly follows.
Whip into the guardrail is reversed...but Storm gets the boot up in the
mush when Mysterio tries to follow up. Rolled back in - gutbuster by
Storm. 1, 2, Mysterio rolls a shoulder. Into the ropes, Mysterio ducks a
clothesline, ducks another clothesline, crossbody gets 2. Mysterio ducks a
clothesline and hits one of his own...for 2. Storm with a jawbreaker.
Tygress pounds the mat and the crowd comes...well, not "alive,"
technically, but less dead. Storm to the abdominal stretch - a wise choice,
given Mysterio's condition. Storm adding injury to injury by chopping at
the kidneys with his free hand. Mysterio trying to get out - and there's
the hiptoss. Headbutt off the top rope...misses. Storm covers - and gets
2. In the corner, right, right, knee to the ribs, knee, into the opposite
corner, boot up by Mysterio. Into the corner, no reversal, but Mysterio
springs off the bottom rope and snaps off a headscissors. Storm outside -
Mysterio with a somersault plancha! Storm put back in - Mysterio on the
apron - top rope - guillotine! Rey holds his ribs...1, 2, shoulder up -
couldn't get his weight over him. Into the ropes, Storm reverses, Mysterio
spins through the ropes. Ducks a clothesline, springs off the second rope
with the bodyscissors, but Storm drops him on his face...then drops with
the Canadian Maple Leaf. Mysterio reaches...and
taps. (5:29) I predict
Storm will lose in the main event....cynical, no? "One down...one more to
go!" Replay of the big ol' pancake and half crab.
Promotional consideration paid for by Crown Books' "I'm Next" (2), Slim Jim (Savage) (2), America (ha!) Online 6.0 (3), "Toy Story 2" (2), and Crown Books' "I'm Next" (3) - I hope they get some newer, better ads next year...or lose them altogether...
Oh my God! It's that gay "Bod" ad that isn't fake!
Only the healing power of "Tuesday Wednesday Thursday" can relieve me of the memory of that ad
WCW CHAMPIONSHIP CONTENDER'S MATCH - THAT 70'S MULLET (with Starrcade stills) v. ? - holy SMACK that place looks empty in the long shot. Awesome carries THE STICK. I try to figure out how Awesome went from wrestling in trunks and not having 70's music LAST night to wrestling in jeans and belt and having 70's music tonight. Maybe he'll tell me. "Well it's that time again, ladies, the Love Doctor is in." Then again, maybe he won't. "And whether you're big, tall, fat or small, it really doesn't matter, because there's enough Vitamin A to go around for everyone. But after the way I beat the hell outta Bam Bam Bigelow last night at Starrcade, the Love Doctor feels a little change comin' on, and if I'm not mistaken, there's a little bit of Career Killer that's just achin' to come outta me! So ladies, I'm gonna have to reschedule my appointments, and rebook them dates, because the Awesome one is off and runnin' towards the WCW Championship. Now, since everything seems to be a mystery around here, why don't we bring out my qualifying opponent, so I can kick his ass too?" It's NBA on TNT Wednesdays & Thursdays! No, it's "THE CHOSEN ONE" JEDOUBLEF JADOUBELREDOUBLET. Much is made about Jarrett lying to Steiner earlier in the show when he asked him if he was one of the opponents...oh, *that's* what he did.
Friday is a "special Christmas taping" -
Worldwide and Thunder, I'm assuming - in Memphis, and BOY OH BOY doesn't
hearing that Jimmy Hart will take on DJ's make you just ITCH to spend some
money on a ticket? All right, let's get this thing going. Well, first let
me say this - that first qualifier we saw...I forgot to say it back then,
but kudos to whoever told Gunns and Tygress to just STAND there and not be
part of that match - run-in free, screwjob free - and let's hope that that
become a pattern for THIS match...and for the main event. NOW we're
rolling as we hit the feeling out process. Lockup, side headlock by
Awesome - Jarrett powers out, Awesome ducks the clothesline, ducks the back
elbow, flying clothesline gets an early 2. Jarrett to the face, knee, head
to the turnbuckle, right hand, right. Hey, Awesome's in trunks! When'd he
take off the jeans? Man, I need some more caffeine or something. Jarrett
having words with referee "Blind" Charles Robinson. Boot to the
midsection, kick, kick, into the opposite corner is reversed, Jarrett tries
to go up and over but Awesome is waiting for him - released German suplex!
Awesome runs at Jarrett, but he dumps him onto the apron, then falls with a
hot shot. Jarrett outside, Awesome's head hits a chair at ringside.
Jarrett clears the chair and does it again. Whip into the safety rail is
reversed - Awesome with a bodyslam on the floor. Awesome with a right
hand. Small of the back into the apron - into the safety rail - back to
the mat - back to the rail. Head ot the commentary table. Awesome
standing on the table - right, right, right, right, right, right, leaving
him there as he jumps to the floor, dropping an elbow on his heart. Raking
the face. Is he going for the Awesomebomb...well, maybe, but Jarrett just
uppernutted him. Throwing him off to the safety rail. Rolled back in
under the bottom rope. Jarrett in with an axehandle off the second
turnbuckle. Right. Right. Into the ropes, WHAT a dropkick gets 2.
Kneelift. Into the ropes, head down, running forearm by Awesome, sitout
Awesomebomb...gets 2. Awesome climbing to the top! Signalled for the
clothesline in a rather obvious way...amazingly, he hits the flying
clothesline. Double underhook, got him up...and there's a gourdbuster. 1,
2, shoulder up!! Awesome lifting him up for the Awesomebomb...but Jarrett
shifts his weight and lands on his feet behind him. Awesome elbows him
back to the corner - running at him, but Jarrett gets the boots up...and
Awesome pokes Robinson in the process (sigh). That's the corner with the
gee-tar. Awesome with a death suplex and Jarrett drops it. Awesome has
the guitar...but Robinson, having cleared his head, is able to pull it down
away from him. Meanwhile, Jarrett is under the ring for a second guitar
while Robinson puts the first one out of reach. WHACK! Somehow, Robinson
misses all the guitar remnants and counts...1, 2, 3. Jarrett advances.
of the dropkick...and guitar shot. That's pretty much the
range of emotions for this match right there...
Backstage, Steiner catches up with Jarrett and tells him he lied to him. Jarrett tells him he had to lie to him or he wouldn't have made it to the match, and he has to make the match in order to protect his title reign. "I'm the only one around this place that's got your back!" Steiner accepts his logic. Together, they go looking for the mystery guy...in the bathroom AGAIN?
Glacier promo - Our World is About to Change...Again.
We cut to Norman Smiley watching the monitor intently..."he's coming back! Glacier's coming back! Finally, a real hero!" Then he starts wiggling.
FINALLY they figured out that this works better when the commentators don't act like they're all IN on how stupid it is. It's the difference between GOOD stupid and BAD stupid. The needle's tipping toward GOOD stupid...especially now that Smiley's just gotten (marginally) involved.
Meanwhile, Gene O. stands with Franchise - he says that sometimes to win the war, you've got to lose a battle. He issues a challenge for Rection on Thunder - the MIA's against himself...and Kronik. Clark makes the mushroom cloud pantomime. Adams says "Shakka brah." Well, they didn't, but they might as well have.
Courtesy "The Man Show," it's Hanukkah with Goldberg! Hey, how come Goldberg has to move over to Comedy Central to finally do something Jewish?
See WCW live - while you still can! Memphis tapes Nitro (pre-empted, though?) Friday in Memphis! NEXT Friday, tix go on sale for Columbia. Next Saturday, tix on sale for Nitro in Winston-Salem, tix on sale NOW for Sin in Indianapolis. And...that's all they talked about.
When we come back, Ric Flair is on the cel phone. "I'll tell you
when to bring him in. Keep him under wrap, I don't want him coming into
the building. This is gonna be huge, a big surprise. I'll tell you when
to bring him to the building. Tell him not to worry, he's going to get a
chance real soon, it's gon' be big-time. Yeah. Okay, I'll call you back."
Meanwhile, Awesome throws a tantrum backstage. The Filthy Animals try to calm him down. "What are you guys talking about? Y'all don't know anything - you're just a buncha LIGHTWEIGHTS! Why don't you leave me alone and don't go anything." Is that what he said?
Nitro is pre-empted the next two weeks! They're doing a better job promoting them NOT being on than they did when they moved them to Tuesday...
ACHTUNG ACHTUNG HIER IST ALEX WRIGHT v. CAT (with Mz. Jonez & MIA T-shirt's at wcwgear.com) - Wright STILL has the coolest music in WCW. Cat immediately gets to remarkin' on Wright's dancing style. "You dance like one of the Nitro Girls!" Apparently, that's an insult. OUCH. Cat asks him to show him the dance again. They hit his music again. Wright dances. "All right - all right - now sit yo ass down!" Cat leads the crowd in a chant of "fatass." Cat promises to whip Wright's ass...then dance for the people. I guess there are worse reasons to have a match. Wright tries to drop an elbow as Cat comes in - misses. Elbowdrop - misses. Elbowdrop - misses. Kick by the Cat - into the ropes, big back body drop. Raring back for the big kick...Wright hides behind referee "Blind" Billy Silverman. Cat shoves Silverman aside and grabs Wright...Wright with an arm wringer and clothesline. Wright gets to stompen. Snap suplex, floatover, zwei. Cat with an elbow, uppercut, right, double thrust, Wright fires back. Through the ropes to the outside - will Cat get involved with the commentary team? We can only hope! No, Cat reachees under and steals some guy's drink - then throws it at Wright as he drops down with the failed double sledge. Hudson: "Where is Madden going? Donut truck drive to the building?" Wright fires back, including a nice shot with the cup. Water show fails - Cat kicks, kick, kick, Wright to the throat. Euro uppercut. Another European uppercut. Wright drops Cat on the commentary table - elbow to the heart. Jones with a shove. Cat manages a few shots and gets back in the ring. Forearm for Wright as he comes back in - double thrust from the Cat. Steps on the sternum. Wright busts out a gutwrench suplex to counter. Wright puts Cat through the ropes. Wright meets him on the floor. Scoop...back to the ringpost. Recht, recht, Jones tries a kick but Wright blocks it...but that distracts him long enough to take a kick from the Cat to the chest. Wright manages to shove Cat into the safety rail. Cat back in the ring, Wright follows - stomp, recht, recht, elbow, that's got to be the LEAST painful looking version of the armbar I've seen in quite some time. Wright moves to a bit of a chickenwing...no, I guess not. Cat to his feet - oh, he's starting to dance - bodyslam - jiggy chop. Wright fires back with a double axehandle. Arm wringer, back to the Kunze armbar. Crowd is....on TV and feeling fine. Jones leads cheers for the Cat and meets with moderate success. Cat to his feet again...right, right, right, off the ropes, knee in the gut by Wright. Elbow to the shoulder. Into the ropes, high knee! Wright RULES! Hooks the leg - 1, 2, no. Scooped up on the shoulder...Cat down behind him, and shoves him into the corner - Feliner coming out - 1, 2, 3! (5:55) That match was GREAT. It's JB time. HOLY COW! Miss Jones busting out the MORRIS DAY DANCE
WCW Magazine ad
Close captioning where available brought to you by Wizards of the Coast - makers of the WCW Nitro trading card game!
Here's a look at a black limousine...oh, no, it's just Mike Sanders and the Natural Born Thrillers. For some reason they mute the
last word of
"Awww yeah, (boy)." Remember, you can NEVER say "boy" in ANY context
because it might be RACIST
Meanwhile, Scott Steiner gives a pummelin' to the Jung Dragons, Evan Karagias & Jaime Knoble...and Elix Skipper. This is what we in the business like to refer to as a "push" ... for Steiner.
Here come the NATYRYL BORN THRYLLYRZ to kill a little time. Hudson says that adjusting the brightness on your television won't make Sanders any smarter - which is a GREAT line. Take your time, Mike. "You know, guys...lookin' at this crowd...I see you CAN take Richmond, Virginia out of the trailer park...but you can't take the trailer parks outta Richmond, Virginia!" --the hell? That doesn't even make sense! (NBA on TNT Wendesdays and Thursdays) Hudson: "Mike, it's a two hour show!" That line ALWAYS works. "Now, we've said it before, and you know that the Natural Born Thrillers are the most genetically j-j-j-j-JACKED individuals to ever step foot in pro wrestling. Lemme tell you something, we're bigger, we're stronger, we're faster, and what was the other thing? Oh, we're a hell of a lot better lookin' than the rest of those jabrones in the back. Now let me tell you..." A single voice can travel far in this dead room, and some fan keeps trying to swear...and meeting with the mute. "Now let me tell you what we do. We give your CHILDREN heroes to look up to. We give your boyfriends, your husbands an excuse to get in the gym! Oh yeah...and we give you ladies a fantasy to go home EVERY MONDAY NIGHT. Now...now last night, I'm not gonna sit here and tell you that those two artifacts, Kevin Nash and Dallas Page got LUCKY...we were cheated. We were robbed. And you know it - and everybody at home knows it. You don't see Kevin Nash and Dallas Page here tonight - hell, look at these guys, ain't nothin' wrong with us! Now let me drop a little bombshell on ya. Since I am the commissioner, since I'm the man in charge, since I make all the command decisions around here...lemme tell you what's gonna happen. We've got a little pay-per-view coming up called Sin. Now, at that pay-per-view, the world tag team titles will be on the line. Now, let me introduce to you the #1 Contenders for the world tag team titles..." Now, THE CEO's music hits and out comes Flair for a counterpoint. Now, Flair finds a strobe light to stand in front of to give me another seizure. Now, I wonder what he's gonna say. Now, I wonder how much longer this segment can run before something happens. Now, I wonder how many consecutive sentences *I* can start with the same word. Now, I wonder if it'd be more than Sanders. Now, I think probably not. "Wooooo! Mike Sanders, ya hear that brother? That's excitement .. in .. the .. wooo air! Richmond, Virginia happens to be a city I like a lot, brother - wooo - and I knocked down more women in this town in 1981 than you will in your entire life. When the Horsemen came through here, there were three thousand girls lined up - we were sold out, brother. Woooo! Now let me tell you the facts as they are, you're right...these guys are big, bad, slick and young, and man, they got some of the best bodies in this business, but I just - I just saw you, Sanders, standing next to Lex Luger back there, and I couldn't SEE ya! So maybe you're gettin' big but you're not the biggest yet, and here is the bottom line. For all you bring to the table, Commissioner, you're still not capable or you're still not able to make matches. Now, the Perfect Event lost those titles last night in a great match - you're right, those kids are good, and they can wrestle their ass off - that's why they're workin' for this company. But you know what? That doesn't mean they get a title shot automatically because you pull it out of the sky. Look over there at Shawn. Look over there at Palumbo. Look around 'em - all you guys are gon' be in the ring together on Thunder with about six other teams in a big battle royal - and you know what? The team that wins that battle royal is then goin' to wrestle the InSiders at Sin for the world heavyweight tag team woooo championship!" "Be careful with the dance, I don't want you to fall down and break a hip..." "Aw, don't worry about me fallin' down, brother - I'll be standing long after you're sleepin' - wooooo! Ladies and gentlemen, Richmond, Virginia, give Commissioner Sanders one more wooooooo! Woooo!"
Buff Bagwell stole Lee M. Cardholder's WCW MasterCard! Alert the authorities!
So if the "24 hours of A Christmas Story" ends at 8PM Monday, but they're NOT showing Nitro, then what are they showing? And do we even care?
Dammit, we ALREADY saw these Starrcade stills of Buff, Luger, Sarge and Goldberg
BUFF DADDY BAGWELL v. COLD "31-0" BEER (with Goldberg jersey available at wcwgear.com - entrance: 1:19) - No pyro for Bagwell. Bagwell hightails it - Goldberg out after him...but wait, it's THE NARCISSIST laying in wait - chair to the gut - WHACK - referee "Born to Do It" Scott James, unaware that usually this is all allowed in Goldberg's matches, calls for the bell (DQ 0:29)
Luger puts the chair in HIS back. Rolled back in the
ring, Bagwell stomping away - Luger joins him - hard into the corner -
doubleteam. Here comes SARGE to burn like house on fire on Bagwell and
Luger...well, until Luger gets in a chairshot. But Goldberg's up...front
kick to the chair to Luger - concussion kick for Bagwell - and they take
off. Commentators are idiots. Goldberg & Sarge strike a pose.
1-800-COL-LECT provides the replays, which take longer than the match. Can
the star-studded tag match the fans are yearning - nay, *clamouring* to see
Sin ad #2 - GOLLY there are a lot of inactive/gone people in this ad
By the way, this show will be pre-empted the next two weeks. Can I give you a CRAZY suggestion? Instead of spending all this time telling us Nitro WON'T be on, why not remind us that Thunder WILL be on? Is that too difficult? Do these guys WANT to ever actually MAKE money again?
WCW CHAMPIONSHIP CONTENDER'S MATCH: LANCE STORM (with Major Gunns) v. JEDOUBLEF JADOUBLEREDOUBLET - "If I can be serious for a minute...it's one down, and one to go! After tonight, I'm on to Sin and my first world title. 'Cause Jarrett, as good as you are.....you're not from Calgary [Hudson & Schiavone simultaneously: "Where's that?"] ...Alberta, Canada." Anthem lasts a bit better (:22) before Jarrett comes out. Say, kids...just one simple question. Just one. Answer me this ONE question and I'll stop complaining. Who is the FACE in thisa matchup? Lockup, no, leg sweep by Storm, kicked back by Jarrett. Side headlock takeover by Jarrett, leg scissors by Storm. Both men back up. Collar and elbow tieup, side headlock by Storm, powered out, shoulderblock by Storm, up and over, hiptoss by Jarrett, Storm kicks him back. Tying up again, rolling around - to the corner - referee "Blind" Mark Johnson forces the break...they simultaneously land right hands trying to get the jump on each other...but Storm recovers first. Storm with the right, right, right, through the ropes to the floor. Jarrett runs out of the way of the pescado. Storm back in the ring - Jarrett with the figure four!! Storm feels the pain - 1, 2, no. Storm tries to roll it - tries again - and rolls it. Jarrett grabs the rope and they break. Jarrett puts him into the ropes, no, reversal, crucifix by Storm for 2. Inside cradle, 1, Jarrett rolls it, 2. Storm with an elbow to the back. Trying a suplex, but Jarrett goes behind and rolls him backwards for 2 - Storm powers him out. Storm with a kick, another kick, and that's a kick. Jawbreaker from Storm. Nice dropkick. 1, 2, Jarrett lifts a shoulder. Scoop....and a slam. Storm going up top - it's a high risk...and Jarrett proves it by crotching him. Uppercut, right, to the second rope, right, right, superplex attempt - Storm to the kidneys three times, but Jarrett still has the advantage. SUPERPLEX!! Both men are down and Johnson puts on the count. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6..... 7... 8... Jarrett puts an arm on him - 1, 2, shoulder up! Jarrett off the ropes, Storm with "Iblockyourpunchyoudont'blockmine," right, right, into the ropes, reversal, kick is caught by Storm, Jarrett's enzuigiri (!) is ducked, Storm still has the leg and I'm thinking he might go for it here - sure enough, trying to turn it over - got the Canadian Maple Leaf! But Jarrett's too close to the ropes and grabs it quick. Storm puts him into the ropes, reversal by Jarrett, the Stroke! 1, 2, 3!! (4:44) SCOTT STEINER & MIDAJAH walk down the aisle - Scott James trying to keep him from doing anything stupid but he's a few years too late. Steiner has a mic. "Ric Flair, I told you, end of the show, I want the mystery man. Your time is up, Ric Flair. I'm gonna come back there and (shove this pipe up your ass). And there he goes...Jarrett, confused, keeps his guitar handy...just in case.
Backstage we go, where Steiner, James, and Midajah have made their way to the go position...Steiner grabs JIMMY HART and tells him to produce. Hart says he doesn't know where he's at. Finding Flair's office, he bashes in the door with the lead pipe...but Flair isn't in there. Instead, he's at the end of the hall...and exiting the building. Steiner nears the door - but SOME GUY in a black straitjacket pops out and pops Steiner one. Security is quickly on the scene...and so are the credits. See ya in three!
Sin ad #..3? "...making the fights...REAL." What the hell does THAT mean?
"You're watching BULL!"