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WCW Nitro




QUICK QUOTES: AOL 40.03 (+ 5.23 ... last year: 72 3/4), TWX 60.64 (+ 8.40 ... last year: 90 1/16) Will none of these matter next week at this time? Oh, and... hee hee SPLN 4 5/8 (- 11/16 ... last year: 44 3/4 - blame WrestleLine)




WCW logo - ohhhhhhhhhhh WCW

"Highlights" of Thunder - TV-14-DL - close captioned logo

Opening Credits - slightly re-tooled once again - hello, Page - hello, Sid

It's a brand new year but the same ol' NITRO! Sin is Sunday and it's time to start da hype Monday-style - coming to you from the X-Cel Energy Center in St. Paul, MN 8.1.1 via one hour of tape delay, and leave us not tarry...

THE CEO is out, accompanied by SECURITY (is that Robbie Rage? I thought he was the mystery man!) & THE SIN: 6 DAYS AWAY LOGO. "Woooo! How 'bout those Minne Sota Vikin's...wooo! Rest assured the state of Minnesota will OWN New York next weekend. Woo! Also be assured that this is WCW - wooo! - the greatest wrestling company in the world today. Wooo! We - are - six days away from Sin Sunday, the biggest pay-per-view of the year. A couple of very important things - woooo! - are on my mind tonight. First of all, Mike Sanders - wooo - Commissioner Mike Sanders. Y'see, Mike, nobody likes you, listen to the crowd. Nobody thinks that you should be the commissioner, so here's the deal: I get so caught up with being the CEO, sometimes I forget about the little things, and one of the little things is this: how'd ya even get that job? I didn't give it to didn't win an far as I know, and from what I hear back there, you had some outside interference to beat the Cat to become the commissioner. Well here's the deal: at Sin, Commissioner Sanders, you will defend that job against the Cat. To see REALLY if you are the commissioner." Sanders reacts while watching a monitor backstage. "Secondly, Wednesday night at Thunder, I gave Sid - wooo! - I gave Sid Vicious to move Jeff Jarrett out of that slot - what happens? Scott Steiner gets dressed up like a mystery man, runs down, interferes, so now I'm in a spot - I don't know whether to put Sid in the match, I don't know whether to put Jeff Jarrett in the match." The music says that JEDOUBLEF JADOUBLEREDOUBLET wants to voice his opinion before Flair voices *his*. "Listen, Flair, the bottom line is this. I've already received my slot in the three-way dance at Sin this Sunday. Sid didn't beat me, so that slot is still mine." "You REALLY sound like a Tennessee Titan tonight. The truth is, Jeff Jarrett, you're showin' your real colours, 'cause you really do want a crack at your best friend's title, don'cha." "Listen Slapass, I've been the world champ before and I'll be it again, but you're too worried about stirrin' things up between me and Scotty that you can't see the fact that all I'm doin' is protectin' mah buddy. Because everybody knows you've got somethin' up your sleeve with this mystery opponent, and all I'm gonna do is protect my buddy, so *you*, Flair, don't win the war." "Oh, let me see if I have this right. So, if YOU win the title at Sin, and you walk out the door with the belt, Scott Steiner's gon' be high-fiving you, you're gon' be best friends? Is that the way you see it? Well, let me see you this, let me say it to you like this, if things are that confusing, this is gonna be an unpopular decision but as of right now, there won't BE a three-way dance for the title at Sin." WHITE THUNDER & MIDAJAH are out. "Cut the music! Let me remind you of something, Flair. I'm wrestling S-- at Sin in a three-way dance - you made the rules, now you gotta play by 'em - it's me and Jeff against your so-called mystery partner, and I like our odds." "Scott Steiner, I am so happy you are here, because this is really all about you - you are the World Heavyweight Champion, and everybody - like I told you the day you won it, everybody, look around, wants to be wearin' that big gold belt you're wearin'. Now I didn't say that you wouldn't have a title match at Sin; I said you wouldn't have a three-way dance, and you won't - you'll have a *four*-way dance because now it'll be you versus Jarrett versus Sid versus my mystery man." "No no no, hell no, no you can't do that, Flair." "No no, Flair, it's gonna be me and Jeff against Sid Vicious and your mystery partner, and I *still* like our odds." "Scott, step back and take a deep breath. I told you you couldn't trust anybody - you're seeing this the wrong way - everybody wants to be the champ - everybody wants to be the Man. Do you remember askin' Jeff Jarrett at Nitro two weeks ago if he was in a match for a slot in the three-way dance? What'd he tell ya? Let's watch it - roll it!" Let Us Take You Back Two Weeks Where Jarrett Denied It. "Flair, Flair, you know I had to do that, just so I could protect 'im and get into the three-way dance - you're just tryin' to stir a buncha crap up, Flair." "Scott Steiner, did he or did he not lie to ya? Let's go to the biggest night of your night - Starrcade! Look what he did there, let's roll it, c'mon! Watch this, Scott!" Let Us Take You Back To An Errant Kabong. "It's clear-cut, I was goin' for Sid and you know it , and Flair, you know it!" "All I know is that I'm tryin' to tell our champion that he stands... all by himself! An island unto himself! He can't trust anybody! It's gonna be three on one, the way I see it. And I tell you what - just to make sure the champ stays on his toes, this is the #1 wrestling show in the world, we need a great main event for tonight, right? I am tell you, as the world champion, Scott Steiner, you're gonna wrestle your friend Jeff Jarrett for the title tonight, on Nitro!" "No no, Flair, I'm not wrestling Jeff - I'm gonna wrestle YOU!" "No no no no no, you touch me, you come near me or touch me, I'll strip you of that title and you'll never make it to Sin as the champion." "Let me leave you with this, Flair - you keep on puttin' up these roadblocks, and I keep on knockin' 'em down - sooner or later, your ass is gonna be mine." Play his music! And I think he just told him his mother sucks!

Backstage, Goldberg & the Sarge arrive - and they're WALKING! Goldberg roughs up the agents at the door - apparently, he's in the mood for some Kronik...



When we come back, Mike Sanders bemoans the fact that Ric Flair is making him take several steps down to face the Cat at Sin...but for now, he's still commish, and he's still booking matches. How about Big Ron Harris against the Cat? Sanders says he wouldn't mind at all if there was nothing left of the Cat at the end of tonight. "There won't be."

Meanwhile, Flair and Security are WALKING! Franchise stops the CEO - has he lost his mind by putting Sid Vicious in the Sin main event? "What about me? What about the Franchise, Naitch?" And...what about Raven? Flair says he'll give him Vicious tonight. Franchise says after he beats Vicious, he'll make history at Sin - winning the US title AND the World title. Flair says if he beats Vicious, he'll consider putting him in the match.

MIA T-shirts are available for a mere $20 + S&H from! WOW!

SHANNON MOORE (with Shane Helms) v. CHAVO GUERRERO, JNR. in a nontitle match - Let Us Take You Back to Thunder where Chavo waffled Moore with the title belt after his match with Jaime Knoble. Helms takes fourth headset..but let's hear from the Champ. "Suga Shane Helms...I know you're in the back, watching, whoa! There you are, littlel trooper! Is that really you? Did you come out here to see MY match? That's SO nice of you. Looks to me you got a little announcing job out here - you're REALLY goin' places now. And I know EXACTLY where you can go. Anyways, you got a fight against me at the upcoming Sin pay-per-view. Well, tonight is a NONtitle match - but being the fighting champion that I am, I don't like nontitle matches, so tonight, I'm gonna put MY belt on the line against YOUR partner, Shannon Moore. Now if he beats me, that makes ME the champ, and *I* face *him* at the upcoming Sin pay-per-view, that makes YOU out in the dark. So once again, if I don't keep it, you don't get it - got it?" Helms notes that this is the same tack he took against Jaime "Kuh-noble." Moore gives Chavo a shove off the apron and we're off - Helms with a little lovetap as Guerrero happens by. Moore with a forearm, rolling him back in - checking with his partner to make sure it's okay, then going back to Guerrero - head in the gut, over the top, back to back to get back in - into the ropes is reversed, ducked under by Moore, right, right, into the corner, reversed, Moore up, shoved over to the apron, Moore with the head to the buckle, springing up, corkscrew moonsault (!) for 2. Guerrero fires back, right, right, right, Helms right, right, into the opposite corner, leg lariat in the corner, to the first corner, Guerrero catches the next flying leg and drops him on the mat. Up for the death suplex...and down. 1, 2, Shannon kicks out. Big knife-edge chop...chop...gutshot in the corner, kick, kick, standing on the neck...and once again. Referee "Blind" Mark Johnson trying to keep it clean - good luck. Snapmares him over...wraps up one arm, half nelson around the other. "Come on Suga!" To the headlock - Moore elbows out, Guerrero back to the attack with a forearm, Moore counters the suplex and goes behind, shoving him into the corner hard. Moore with a spinning heel kick. Moore tries to put him into the ropes, reversed by Chavo, Moore on the shoulders, drops forward with the victory roll - for 2! Right by Moore, into the ropes, head down, kick by Guerrero, and a big lariat. Scoop....and a slam, but Moore hangs on and follows through...into a rollup for 2! Chavo kicks the head, kick, snapmare, back to the chinlock. Moore back to his feet and elbowing - Guerrero knocks him down again.Right by Moore, right, over the top from Chavo, right, right. Moore right, right, left, right, right, right, into the ropes, reversal, what a dropkick by Guerrero! 1, 2, NO! Knife-edge chop by Guerrero - into the ropes, reversed, Chavo holds on, Moore ducks the clothesline, gutshot, springboard Rocker Dropper (!)...1, 2, NO! Moore picks him up - Chavo blocks the head to the buckle and hits one of his own. Chavo to the second rope - Moore quickly over - right, right, leaps to the top, slips and falls back to the mat. Oops. Guerrero with a double sledge to take advantage of it - hooks the leg - only 2! Right, right by Moore, right, right, into the ropes, Moore ducks a clothesline off the ropes, Moore with a head scissors...but the foot's on the rope. Moore with a right, suplex is countered - gutshot by Guerrero - HIS suplex attempt is countered...Moore goes for the sleeper, but before he can hit the sleeper slam, Guerrero backs him into the corner. Guerrero charges, Moore up and over, down with the body scissors rollup - 1, Chavo rolls through - gutshot - BUURAINBUSTAAAAAA - good night. 1, 2, 3. (5:54) But Chavo's not finished...with a look to Helms, he picks him up for another brainbuster...but Helms hits the ring and prevents that. Chavo has a smile - he's *finally* gotten to fact, he's NOT walking away. He's sneaking around and back in the ring...Helms ducks the clothesline, then dumps him over the top rope and over to the floor! Guerrero takes umbrage. Just in case you start to cheer Shane as the face, they play "Sing Along with 3 Count," just to tear your heart apart. One step up and two steps back?

"In this world, the desire to be champion will tempt a good man, turning him on those who trust him most, destroying friendships, making the fight...real." OH MY GOOD THIS MEANS IT'S *GOTTA* BE A SHOOT FANS - anyway, Sin promo - you cannot imagine



When we come back, Kwee-wee and Paisley are watching a monitor - Mike Sanders walks up and tells him he's got a big match for him tonight - he gives him a piece of paper to read...then punks him out while he's distracted. Thank goodness Big Vito comes to the rescue! Is Kwee-wee all right? Vito and Paisley walk off with Kwee-wee, arm in arm...

Meanwhile, here's a long shot of Flair...and Luger & Bagwell. What could THEY be talking about?

CAT (with Mz. Jones & Let Us Take You Back to Thunder) v. BIG RON HARRIS (with Heavy D Harris) - Ron managed to shave his head between the last segment and now. "Okay, okay guys - now guys, I'm gonna tell you - hold up, just wait a minute - just wait a minute now. You know, I'm a bad man, but you two guys are BIG, man - you two guys got to be six-eight, three hundred and ten pounds apiece! I'm a bad man, but I'm not a crazy man. Now, I'm gonna tell you two guys something, I know Mike Sanders sent you out here just to hurt me, so I cannot win the commissionership back. But these people out here wanna see me as the commissioner! So, I tell you guys what - I tell you two guys what. Hey, I don't have a beef with you guys, so what I'm gonna do here - I'm not gonna be stupid, okay? I want Mike Sanders. But before you guys go, you know - you guys look alike, man - are you guys twins? Yeah, you two guys look like two baby Frankensteins!" Well, that was stupid - both Harrisses quickly get to punishment. Referee "Blind" Jamie Tucker tries to get Don out of the ring...and, amazingly, succeeds. NBA on TNT Wednesdays and Thursdays! Harris with a choke on the second rope...then arguing with Tucker while Don continues the choke behind his back. Ron right, right, right, elbowdrop. Into the ropes, clothesline. Through the ropes to the floor - hey, Tucker, come over here and talk to me while my brother puts Cat into the safety rail. Rolled back in. Into the ropes, Cat holds on - kick, splits, uppercut, over to Don...and there's a hot shot. Ron tries a sunset flip, but Cat gets jiggy jig jig JAAH, James Brown's breakdancin' elbow. Wacky arm wringer, kick, kick, kick. Tucker holds him back as Ron rolls out...and Don rolls in. Don with a big right hand. Jones up to BOTH Harrisses are in - into the ropes - H BOMB. Average White Band calling, they want you to Pick Up the Pieces - 1, 2, 3. (2:43) Ron's da One! Jones isn't the persuasive type...

Promotional consideration paid for by Slim Jim, AOL 6.0 (will they EVER get it right?), "Coyote Ugly" on video & DVD, Lean Pockets, and Fran Tarkenton's credit scam - I mean, 1-800-BAR-NONE

That movie "Snatch" - it isn't what I *think* it's about, is it?

GENE O. works tonight! He stands with the Cat - he looks in bad shape - perhaps he won't make it to Sin - perhaps he won't win back the commissioner's office! "Oh yeah?! I'm gon' tell you something, old man - you think they can stop me? Move it! I'ma show you how bad I am - move out the day, I'm gonna dance baby! You can't stop me! I'm the greatest of all time! Hey, somebody help me, I'm the greatest, I'm the greatest..."

Meanwhile, a voice offstage says "3" and General Rection asks Sid Vicious to save just a little piece of Franchise for him at Sin. "You got it man...yeah!" And then he breaks into the Sid Giggle.

Meanwhile, Jeff Jarrett and Scott Steiner try to patch it up. Steiner says he's gonna go find Flair. "Don't let him strip you of the title, Scotty! God I gotta come up with something..."

Meanwhile (4), Gene O. stands with the Natural Born Thrillers and asks Mike Sanders about the Cat's comments. Sanders calls him "Gene Mean," which is probably more a mistake than an homage to Chris Jericho. The Cat will be lucky if he makes it to Sin, but that's not why he's out here. A little while ago he was jumped by "Kiwi and Big Vito," and he's gone ahead and booked a "Minnesota Massacre" - those two will face some "randomly selected opponents." The intimation is that the other Thrillers are probably going to be those randomly selected opponents. Oh, and anybody interfering in the match will incur heavy fines, suspensions, and so forth. "Gene, one more thing." "What's that?" Stasiak: "Hey, don't worry about it." Then they all start BLEATING?




When we come back, Luger & Bagwell have found Kronik and relate that when they heard that "big, bad Bill" was looking for them, they suggested a match to Flair - Kronik vs. Goldberg & Sarge. If they can win, then Goldberg gets fired - everybody wins! Clarke asks where the cash is - Luger says it's a WCW-sanctioned deal and no cash is involved...then they back away.

Lance Storm T-shirts available at - only $20 + S&H! Speaking of which...

LANCE STORM (with Elix Skipper & Major Gunns & ... ugh ... Mike Awesome - oh, and Let Us Take You Back to Thunder) v. (billy) KIDMAN (with Raymond Stereo & Konnan & Tygryss) - "If I can be serious for a minute...I was hoping to start 2001 in a good mood. But after the act of vandalism perpetrated by the Animals last week on Thunder, that's oot the window. Tonight, I take care of Kidman. And at Sin, we challenge the Animals to a Canadian Penalty Box match - and for those of you who aren't smart enough to figure out what that is, if someone breaks one of the rules, they sit in the box, and the other team gets a one-man advantage. All rise for the playing of our Canadian national anthem!" We get about (:22) down before the Filthy Animals video (same music) for them, by the way. Kidman with the chest bump, ring the bell. Storm shoves him away. Kidman right, right, right, into the ropes, Storm slides under, elbow, right, into the ropes, presses him up, Kidman with a rana to take him down. Right, into the ropes, reversed, kick by Kidman, kick, suplex attempt blocked, again, Storm drops Kidman on the top rope with a front suplex. Into the ropes, press...and drop. Awesome tosses Storm a chair (you knew Mike Awesome joined Team Canada, right? I know, I'm depressed about it, too), and Storm wedges it in the corner between ropes top and middle. Back over to Kidman, gutshot - Kidman with a right, into the ropes, reversal, Kidman with a, Storm with a forward roll slam (WOW! FIT FINLAY!)...but only for 2. Big "USA" chant. Storm with a backbreaker...and stretching him afterwards. Another 2 count for Storm. Into the ropes, going for the abdominal stretch...and got it in. "USA!" Kidman powers out, dueling hiptosses ends with Storm on the apron, dropping down with a hot shot on Kidman. Back on the apron - springboard...Kidman with a dropkick to counter! Both men are down...Kidman with "Iblockyourpunchyoudon'tblockmine," right, into the ropes, BIG back body drop, dropkick, going for the tornado bulldog but Storm shakes free and shoves him away - Kidman lands on his feet and hits the "short" powerbomb...for 2! Into the opposite corner, Storm sternum first - ducking the clothesline off the ropes, SUPERKICK - 1, 2, Kidman gets a shoulder up! Storm ducks a clothesline, tries the full nelson but Kidman drops down and rolls him forward for 2. Into the corner with the chair, but Storm avoids it, up and over, Kidman avoids the chair...Storm with a rollup...1, 2, Kidman kicks out and Storm headbutts the chair! 1, 2, Gunns and Awesome pull Kidman out of the ring. Big lariat by Awesome. Now ALL six start tussling on the outside - we watch Gunns and Tygress, of course. So is referee "Born to Do It" Scott James. Back in the ring, Storm tries to powerbomb Kidman (IS HE DAFT?) Kidman with a backdrop, but Storm lands on his feet - Kidman ducks a clothesline, hooks the arm - Kid Krusher - 1, 2, 3! (4:07)

In two weeks, Nitro will air on Tuesday! HEY! They FINALLY learned how to tell us these things AHEAD OF TIME!

FRANCHISE (with Let Us Take You Back to Thunder) v. SID VISCOUS - "Cut the damn music! St. Paul, Minnesota...I'll make ya a little deal. You don't like me any more than I like being in this hellhole you call a city. I don't get paid by the hour so I take Sid Vicious tonight, and start making history! After I Franchise his ass, my old friend Ric Flair will be forced to put me in that four-way title match at Sin. Don't worry, Rection, I haven't forgotten about you, and my gold you wear around your waist. Tonight at Sin, then a four-way match I'll win at Sin, and then it's time for you, Rection, to get your ass Franchised. Hahahahaha" I think Franchise just got his timelines a bit confoozled, there. As Vicious' music plays...did some other show just start?



Sid's wearing....jeans with kneepads and boots over them? Please alert the fashion police! Sid climbs the corner to stoke the Franchise jumps him from behind with a forearm, two, three, and one more. Head to the buckle. Into the opposite corner, Sid gets the boot up, running clothesline. Sid follows him outside - whip into the safety rail. Forearm across the chest. Scoops him up...and drops him on the commentary table. Forearm across the chest. Back into the ring...and Franchise crotches him on the second rope - two times! Kick, running, swinging neckbreaker...for 2. Into the ropes, knee to the gut. Franchise has the chain wrapped around his fist - into the ropes, reversal, big boot. Big clothesline, clothesline, clothesline. Scoop...and a slam. Off the ropes with the legdrop! Signalling for the chokeslam...does he still have that chain? No matter - it's a CHOKESL--no, it's not!! Franchise chops his trap with the chain and Sid releases him. Franchise going for the DREADED BELLY-TO-BELLY....but Vicious ain't budging. Shoved to the corner - Sid catches him on the bounce and chokeslams him. Millennium Bomb coming up - mama sez it beez that way sometimez. (4:20 - uhh) Sid's celebration in the aisle is cut short as WHITE THUNDER & JEDOUBLEF JADOUBLEREDOUBLET pop up, pop him down, and throw him over the rail into some really confused fans. As the beatdown continues, let's move on to...

Promotional consideration paid for by Disney's "The Kid" on video & DVD, Hot Pockets, Geico, Geico, and "The Perfect Storm" on PPV!

Thunder ad

When we return, Gene O. stands with Ric Flair - everything's out of control! Hopefully things will work out for the best with Sanders...and as for Steiner & Jarrett, if he gets a whiff that they're not performing at their best tonight, he'll suspend 'em both and strip the title from Steiner. Turning to the Penalty Box match, Flair says a special referee is needed for the match...and he calls on Hacksaw Jim Duggan. Duggan runs down Team Canada...then promises to call the match right down the middle. Ohhhhh. I mean, Hoooooooooo! "Wooooo! Sin Sunday here we come!"

TERRY FUNK is out - he's actually using the hardcore championship belt to hold up his pants! "Hey! I wanna know one thing...I wanna know who's the king? Who's the king? I's the king! I's the king! I am the king of hardcore wrestling! And it's about time the CEO of WCW realised that I am the king of hardcore wrestling. But no - Flair wants to destroy me - and how is he gonna do that? By puttin' me against *nobodies*. Nobodies like Crowbar at the pay-per-view in Indianapolis. He knows that if you put a nobody against someone else, that that other person will become a nobody, and that is me. And I don't ever wanna be called a nobody. What I want is - I want the best that WCW has to offer in the ring in a hardcore match! I want GOLDBERG! GOLDBERG! GOLDBERG! I want STEINER! STEINER! I want Diamond Dallas Page in the ring with me. Why...Meng or Mingo or Jingo or Bingo, you know that ugly guy with the (monkey face) and the banana nose--" "I HAVE HEARD ENOUGH OF YOUR CRAP, TERRY FUNK!" It's CROWBAR & DAFFNEY UNGER - he with a chair and a mic, she with some sparklers. "You're doin' nothing but telling everyone in this arena LIES, LIES and more lies. Everybody knows - everybody saw at Starrcade - I was binded at the wrist, being beaten half to death with a steel chair, but I still stood toe-to-toe with you, Mr. Hardcore Legend. Wait...Terry, it wasn't supposed to be like this. It wasn't supposed to end this way. Everything I ever wanted to be, and everything I've ever become is because of you. DAMMIT, I IDOLISED YOU, TERRY FUNK!" "You *should* idolise me - look at yourself. You'd better look up to somebody. You oughta look up to me as well as anybody else, without me you would be a nobody. There wouldn't even be hardcore in this country. I am the true




hardcore individual that started ECW! I am the extreme wrestler in the United States today! Ask these people if you don't believe me." "Y'know something, Terry...I used to look up to you - as I said, I used to idolise you. You were a legend! I thought you were timeless...but the truth is, you're old school...and I represent everything that's a threat to you! All those barbed wire matches (Sin: 6 Days Away) all those death matches in Japan - all the classic wars with Ric Flair - nothing, NOT a thing will prepare you for our match Sunday, 'cause when the match is over, I'm gonna walk over to your beaten body, and no matter how hard you try to tighten your grip, no matter how hard you try and hold on, I'm gonna grab the hardcore title and that hardcore torch, raise them both high, and take my rightful spot as the leader of the new hardcore revolution." "Well, I might just take that hardcore torch...and stick it where the sun don't shine." "Baby I'll give you a shot right now." Crowbar rushes the ring...but Funk's out. "I'll be there. Don't even worry about it - I'll be there. I'll be right there for ya, don't worry about it..." At this point, THEMONSTERMENG runs out with a STEEL chair and brains Funk. "Is that the best you got? Is that the best you got?" So Meng goozles him. Daffney over with a wooden chair - doesn't even break it with her weak swing on Meng - Meng SUPERKICKS Daffney! Crowbar out to check on Daffney - now *he's* out with *his* wooden chair - Meng puts his right hand THROUGH the chair (sorta) and puts a Tongan Death Grip on Crowbar!! BOTH men down...and out. Play Meng's music! "You! And you! If you want this...come and take it from me!" HE'S GOT THE BELT! Hooomahummahee ho ho ho ho

The following segment, paid for by Jimmy Hart, will continue to be ignored until SOMEBODY comes to their senses and keeps it off the air

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This portion of WCW Monday Nitro is brought to you by America (ha!) Online!

Let's take a trip behind the door marked COMMISSIONER. Oh, wait, it's empty. A hand approaches Mike Sanders' jacket hanging up, removes the envelope with the randomly selected opponents, and replaces it...commentators are dumbfounded as to what just happened. Maybe they'll figure it out in the next half hour or so...

KRONI>| (with Let Us Take You Back to Thunder) v. "SARGE" DEWAYNE BRUCE and COLD "34-0" BEER (entrance: 1:26) - Adams meets Goldberg in the aisle while Clarke takes it to Bruce in the ring. I think Adams hit a sweet head-and-arm suplex, but the director would rather ogle Goldberg and Adams trading punches. Bleah. Clarke over to help Adams - doubleteam on Goldberg. Clarke with a side Russian legsweep into the safety rail. Goldberg into the STEEL steps. Adams kicking away. Bruce trying to elbow out of Clarke's hold - Clark kicking, stomping, now working on the broken arm - into the post! Goldberg in the ring - no, referee "Blind" Mickie J. telling him to get in the corner. Another shot to the broken arm. Tag to Adams. Kick by Clarke, kick, into the ropes, double shoulderblock. Into the ropes, head down, Bruce kicks Adams, Adams headbutts Bruce. Big press...and toss. Goldberg wants in - Adams won't fall for THAT. Setting up for a big suplex...Bruce fights it off and falls back to his feet - BIG DDT drops Adams. Tag to Clarke - Goldberg's not good at waiting for the tag as he's halfway through the ropes but we'll give him the benefit of the doubt (how often is he in tag matches?) and call it as the HOT TAG! Forearm for Clarke, over the shoulder toss for Adams, big boot for Clarke, Adams with a gutshot, and full nelson slam. Setting up for the High Times...nope, Goldberg elbows them both. Right for Clarke, right for Adams, superkick for Clarke, spear for Adams, Clarke with a forearm in the back. Into the ropes, reversed, we look outside to see BUFF BAGWELL stomping on Bruce, leapfrog by Goldberg, spear. THE NARCISSIST has joined Bagwell in the beatdown - broken arm to the STEEL steps. Goldberg hasn't caught on yet - jackhammer for Clarke - 1, 2, 3. (3:52) Goldberg *finally* sees what's going on outside and goes out after Bagwell...this works until Luger hits him from behind with Bruce's cast. Bagwell secures a chair and WHACKS Bruce, then throttles Goldberg with the chair. Luger uses the cast on Adams (huh?) - Bagwell over to choke Bruce with the chair .



Play Buff's music!

Nitro hits Baltimore and tix are on sale Saturday! Also on sale Saturday: Nitro in Tupelo, Nitro in Biloxi, and don't forget that plenty of great seats are still available for Sin Sunday in Indy!

You know, things haven't changed all that much from earlier in the night - those MIA T-shirts are STILL on sale for $20 + S&H from

As MIKE SANDERS hits the ring with envelope in hand, we learn that it's now a three-way dance for the hardcore title Sunday - Meng, Funk and Crowbar. "Let me take this opportunity to welcome you to the first-ever Minnesota Massacre. Now, what I have in my hand is an envelope of Randomly Selected Participants. Now, if your name is NOT in this envelope, you are banned from ringside. Now, the only reason I'm wearin' my gear tonight is because, hell, I possibly could be picked and I wanna step up to the plate, so, Mr. Penzer, if you would, take that, read off the participants, and let's get 'em out here and get this thing started right. Thank you." DAVID PENZER: "Ladies and gentlemen, this is the first-ever Minnesota Massacre Last Man Standing - introducing the first participant, representing the Natural Born Thrillers, Mike Sanders!" Sanders acts surprised but hits the ring as the Thrillers' music plays again. "Ladies and gentlemen, participant number two... representing the Natural Born Thrillers, THE EVENT CHUCK PALUMBO! "Ladies and gentlemen, the third participant...representing the Natural Born Thrillers, SEAN O'HAIRE!" Boy, it's fun listening to the SAME theme so many times in a row. "Ladies and gentlemen, introducing the fourth participant...representing the...Insiders, DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE!" As Sanders gives us "genuine surprise," and Page's music SUCKS, by the way, Tony *finally* puts it all together. "And the final participant...representing the Insiders, BIG SEXY KEVIN NASH!"

MINNESOTA MASSACRE: LAST MAN STANDING - "Whoa whoa, hey - now...just what are you two jacked up geeks don' down here anyway? This ain't how it's supposed to go--" Two simultaneous rights put Sanders on the outside. While a Pier Four develops, let me take this time to note that the NBA is on TNT Wednesdays & Thursdays. Sanders with a tag team title - WHACK for Nash! WHACK for Page! Well, that turned it around... Three-way stompin'. Nash's legs wrapped around the post, but they forget to do anything once that's done. Sanders stands on the neck. Most over man in this match is.....Scott Hall. Oops. Palumbo with the rights...but Page fights back and now it's PAGE with the rights. Right for O'Haire ... wait, he's one and they're two - sit down, Page! Page ends up ducking a superkick from each side...and Palumbo and O'Haire take each other out. Sanders looks around...and finds himself the only man standing. Referee "Blind" Billy Silverman puts on the count...but at five, Page manages an uppernut to put *Sanders* down. The count begins again. "Billy Silverman's gonna win!" Up to 7 - Palumbo and Page are up - and down. O'Haire and Nash trade blows. What a mess. Page with a DDT counter out of...something. Oh, a hiptoss. Oy. Nash standing on O'Haire's neck. Looks like PERFECTSHAWN STASIAK & MARK JINDRAK tried to come out and help, but KWEE-WEE & PAISLEY & BIG VITO & JOHNNY "THE BULL" keep all of them away. Diamond Cutter on Palumbo! Truckstop Drop on O'Haire! Silverman says "what the hell, let's just declare TWO winners...without a ten count." It doesn't HAVE to make sense because IT'S WCW! Play Page's EXTREMELY CRAPPY MUSIC! (3:27)

Sin ad #2

Two weeks from tonight, "The Pretender 2001" pre-empts Nitro. Man, "CHiPs '99" NEVER got to pre-empt Nitro

Lance Storm, fuck it



MESH HEAD MUSH MOUTH (with Mesh Head Fake Breasts) v. AD BREAK - "Ric Flair, if I didn't put Sting in the hospital, I'd wrestle him here tonight in the main event. If I didn't put Booker T. in the hospital, I would wrestling him in the main event. You can send Sid Vicious out here tonight, and I woulda kicked his ass too. But tonight, just me and Jeff Jarrett share a common bond, and that is we both don't like you - I am not wrestlin' Jeff Jarrett here tonight, I don't care if you're CEO or not. So, Ric Flair, you don't have no main event tonight."

Meanwhile, Jeff Jarrett is WALKING! "This ain't happenin' - I don't give a damn what he says, this ain't happenin'..." What's he talking about? Come back...

WCW MasterCard ad - hey Buff, you didn't make a joke, so STOP LAUGHING

WCW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE: WHITE THUNDER (with Midajah) v. JEDOUBLEF JADOUBLEREDOUBLET - Champ enters first he could chat with us before the break. " and Scotty are sick of this conspiracy crap. You just don't get it, do you, Jurassic Slapass? You make the rules, we break 'em. And as far as the Chosen One concerned, I'm not gonna be fallin' for any of these Divide and Conquer tricks. So this match between me and Steiner tonight, no, I'm puttin' it on hold 'til this Sunday, when we can add two more opponents and make it a four-way. So Mr. CEO Slapnuts, choke on that." And now, here is THE CEO. "Mr. World Heavyweight Champion, Scott Steiner - Jeff Jarrett, challenger - you're both wrong. You're not running the company, you are booked in the main even tonight, and it goes like this - Scott, you're the world champion, but I'm gonna strip you of that title if you don't wrestle him tonight. And Jarrett, if you don't wrestle him, I'm gonna take you out of your slot at Sin. Ring the bell - we're gonna have a main event tonight. Ring the bell!" Jarrett shoves Midajah out of the way....well, that can't be good. Steiner with a forearm to the back. Kick, forearm, kick, kick, chop, chop, high hiptoss. Press...NBA on TNT Wenesdays and Thursdays...and a drop. Chop. Into the opposite corner, but Jarrett gets the boots up. Choke on the second rope. Boss Man straddle. Choke with what's left of the shirt. Into the ropes is reversed, Steinerline. Kiss the bicep, drop the elbow - 1, no...pushups. Jarrett manages a jawbreaker. Atomic drop. Standing dropkick. Jarrett outside, and up top...crossbody hits - 1, 2, kicked out with authority! Jarrett back on him with a right hand. Into the ropes, reversed, Steiner with a tilt-a-whirl slam. Steiner shows off the guns. Scoop...Sin: 6 Days Away...into the corner and tied to the Tree of Woe. Steiner outside...and yanking on the neck. Steiner over to threaten fans...Jarrett's made his way out - right hand - head to a chair. Whip into the safety rail is reversed, and Jarrett hits hard. Whip into the opposite rail. Scoop...Jarrett powerslammed onto the announce table! Steiner standing on the table, stomping Jarrett. Did he just thrust his package in the direction of a female fan? Yikes! Jarrett with an uppernut. Rolled back in the ring - forearm by Steiner, kick, kick, right, right, into the ropes, Jarrett reverses, knee, another knee, going for the Stroke, but Steiner shoves his head into the buckle - and hits the buckle one more time. Big belly-to-belly...1, 2, NO. SID VISCOUS is out...ah hell. All over all over Jarrett. Out trots THE MYSTERY MAN - and goes for Steiner. Referee "Blind" Mickie J. says "well, I could have let it go with SID interfering, but this other guy...oh man, I don't think so. (Relaxed DQ? 5:08) Crowd woofs a lot for some reason - is this secret THAT poorly kept? Anyway, Sid and the Goon clear the ring, but before we can see how *they* react to each other....the credits are up and we're out.

Sin ad #3

Will it all change next week?

Let's hope....not TOO much.

AFTER THE FACT: Matthew Hocking was on site...and DIDN'T give us Thunder spoilers? SHAME! I thought I might drop by and give you my thoughts of Nitro as I was there:

Nitro got a pretty good crowd, a few thousand people. However more than half were gone by the time Thunder rolled around.

Disqo and Schivani got alot of heat for their entrances. Stevie Ray got a nice pop. No one cared about Tenay or Hudson.

One thing about WCW, the can keep a crowd hot for an ad break. The crowd was singing and dancing around with DJ Ran and popping for the Nitro Girls. If the crowd sounded like that, everyone would've had HUGE pops. As it was, as soon as the Nitro music hit, there wasn't a sound from the crowd. Except "Hall" chants, Whooing, and pops for Sid (?!)

Interesting music selection by DJ Ran...Including Enter Sandman, Walk (Which got a nice "RVD" Chant in my section), and "Rollin'" by Limp Bizkit, which last I checked was Undertaker's theme.

The Scott Hall chants were LOUD during the Insiders matches, and Nash and Page played them up after both.

After Nitro...Not much. Sid and Mystery Opponent stared at each other. Then left.

I was with a whole group of friends and had a good time. I went mostly for Storm and Sanders, but I was amazed at how dead the crowd was. I stayed for Thunder and almost everyone else cleared out.

[slash] wrestling

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