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WCW Nitro




I GET LETTERS: Critique from Robert Bain: If you despise both shows, which you seem to do with great gusto, maybe your standards are too high. It's time to look at what you want out of wrestling, then decide if you want to be a fan anymore...reading your recap of both shows has become painful with your constant lack of satisfaction.

Come on, you bitched about Dusty NOT coming out at first, then you bitch that he DOES? Sounds like you just don't want to like what you watch.

I went back and read what I wrote, and I just don't see it. Wish I could help, really I do, but I can't. Maybe somebody else can?

Say what you want - speculate how you want - I've said for a month that it all ends at the end of March and I see no reason to do anything but stick by it. There's this show, and two more. That's it. So long, WCW.




TV-14-DL no WCW logo but yes close captioned logo - JEDOUBLEF JADOUBLEREDOUBLET "surprises" everybody by coming out "early." As soon as his pyro goes off, though, DUSTIN RHODES climbs in right behind it, almost seeming to emerge from the wall of sparks - not quite, but it was a good idea. Rhodes takes it to Jarrett in the ring, out of the ring, Greed is 6 days away graphic, and Jarrett manages a hot shot before Rhodes can follow him back through the ropes. Jarrett with a bit of a flurry, a pose for the crowd, back to Rhodes, whip into the ropes is reversed - Rhodes with an atomic drop and a lariat. Ten Punch Count Along coming up - don't you DARE make a "by the numbers" joke! Right, right, right, grab the crotch, double axe handle, setting him up for the Dustbuster (aka Shattered Dreams) - Rhodes is gonna pose to the crowd until somebody stops him from hitting this kick - well shut my mouth, all that stalling and he STILL hit it. "Jeff! Sunday at the pay-per-VIEW...I'm gonna give you something to choke on so you better pucker up, 'cause you're going to kiss my old man's pimply, white ass." Rhodes has yet another new theme song.

Backstage, a "security camera" catches the rest of the Magnificent Seven arriving in a black limo. Oops, too late to help Jarrett...maybe they'll get a real camera back there during this ad break so we can actually make them out...

Well, it turns out that Buff Bagwell has the Kidcam or something, since we go to a feed from his camera - have YOU ever found a camera that actually HAS that crosshairs, frame, and "RECORD" in the corner with a red light? Anyway, Flair says it's "documentary" for him to talk about himself, and proceeds to talk about himself for minute after minute - hey, look, Midajah's back - I guess none of these people have noticed Jarrett yet - it's funny to hear Flair talk about the new owners when there AREN'T any yet. Flair namedrops Hogan, Savage and Piper by way of noting that he's still here and they're all gone. Scott Steiner runs down HIS list of men he's taken out. Finally, Jeff Jarrett walks in and complains about none of them having his back. Luger reminds him that they're not supposed to get separated. That's not elite, see. Wow, this segment is going on *forever*! Flair tells Steiner he's got an idea for him - a way to kill two birds with one stone...

Our hosts are TONY SCHIAVONE & SCOTT HUDSON - Tony says we have a direct feed to Buff's camera and we'll watch segments of his "documentary" from time to time. It would just KILL these guys to just have plain ol' backstage interviews

Moments Ago, Dustin...hell, I already said that three paragraphs ago

Let Us Take You Back to Thunder where Kanyon upended Smooth's limo with a forklift - wow, I almost wish I'd seen that

Rumours abound that the new owners of WCW will be here TONIGHT! HAAA HA HA HA HA HA - anyway, they show three empty seats and a secret serviceman nearby, waiting for someone to occupy them...

Here's a Special Video Look at the Cruiserweight Tag-Team Championship Tournament. Hey, did you read what Herb Kunze said about this tournament? I think he nailed it.



Promotional consideration paid for by Slim Jim (no Savage), Geico, Geico (again), Lean Pockets, and America (ha!) Online, Tony says we don't have the camera back there.

NOW backstage, the cameraman rushes to the Elite dressing room to find Midajah laid out. Scott Steiner shoves the cameraman out.

Here are your brackets. The Filthy Animals defeated Johnny Swinger & Jason Lee - Wednesday on Thunder they'll take on 3 Count, who defeated Jason Jett (who?) & Scotty O. But coming up, the team who defeated Air Paris & AJ Styles will take on this team, who defeated Kwee-Wee and Mike Sanders...

JUNG DRAGONS (with Let Us Take You Back twelve days to Thunder) v. "PRIMETIME" (with Let Us Take You Back to last Monday) and KID ROMEO (without glowsticks but with Shawn Michaels' heart sunglasses) in the Cruiserweight tag team tournament semifinals - I've said it before and I'll say it again: it's not a Primetime match without Stevie Ray saying "Primetime" three or four times a second. This could be our only chance to have a decent match tonight - let's savour the moment. R&S (former Aphex Twin label!) start it off with a charge and beatdown on the Dragons - to opposite corners we go - Skipper whips Kaz into the ropes, drops down, leapfrog, Matrix under the dive...but he stands up to take a Yang clothesline. Romeo tries a clothesline on Kaz, ducked, chop by Yang, chop by Kaz, chop by Yang, Yang clocks Skipper off the apron to the floor. Romeo in the corner - Yang walks up and backflips off him, Kaz springs off the second rope with a ghetto blaster to the head - Yang going up top but Skipper pulls Romeo outside to join him. Yang decides he'll just take a plancha from the top to the floor onto Romeo instead. YUN YANG IS A HEAT SEEKING MISSILE! Skipper grabs him and drops a forearm, elbow, elbow, Kaz over the top onto Skipper with a twisting forward somersault! Kaz puts Romeo in the ring and follows - big kick, knee to the head, knee, into the ropes, reversed, Kaz jumps over him but Skipper has flipped over the top rope and lands on Kaz with a press, leaving him alone for a stomp by Romeo - stomp. Short-arm clothesline. Tag to Skipper (they're gonna have TAGS in this match?!) who comes in with a stomp, stomp, stomp. Skipper dares him to get up, so Kaz hits a double thrust in the abs, four quick kicks to the back of the leg, winding up for a discus kick, but Skipper jumps over it and hits a tiger suplex. Tag to Romeo. Backward somersault into a wheelbarrow from Skipper, who drops him into a splash onto Kaz...for 2. Snapmares him over - big knee between the shoulderblades. Tag to Skipper. Elbow to the mush. Into the ropes, reversed, spinning heel kick to the face takes him down. Kaz wants the tag - Skipper GETS the tag - Romeo stops him just short of the tag and gives Yang a shot on the apron. Turning back to Kaz - Kaz with a standing 'rana (wow!) and THERE is the tag! In comes Yang - duck, Stooges eyepoke, dropkick, nips up, ducks a spin kick from Skipper, legsweep to the leg, DDT (!). Romeo from behind with a full nelson - Skipper comes in and Yang backdrops him over BOTH himself and Romeo - stomps on Romeo's foot to break the hold, hiptoss him over, over to Skipper for a Ten Punch Count Along but Romeo breaks it at five with a forearm in the back. Skipper with a running Ligerbomb AS Romeo hits a neckbreaker takedown! 1, 2, Kaz with a seated dropkick to break it. Kick for Skipper by Kaz - into the ropes, head down, Skipper with a sunset flip, Kaz rolls through - KICK IN THE HEAD. Romeo with a kick from behind - there's the Last Kiss (Death Valley Bomb) but Yang breaks THAT up at 2. Yang with a ... fisherman Michinoku Driver?!? Yikes - Skipper breaks THAT up at 2. Given the chance to appreciate these moves, we could really be impressed, but everything has to happen in two seconds around here... Elbow by Skipper on Yang - into the ropes, reversal, crossbody block takes BOTH men over the top to the outside. Back in the ring, Romeo goes for Kaz but he catches the clothesline, hooks the arm and spins around...into a Dragon sleeper(!) but Romeo turns it over after half a second (sheeeit) - gutshot, Kaz goes behind, Yang trips him up off the ropes, Kaz with another kick in the face. As Yang goes up for Yang Time, Kaz hits a pescado on Skipper - or *tries* to; Skipper catches him on the floor and hits a belly-to-belly on the floor. Yang Time (spinning corkscrew top rope moonsault) MISSES when Romeo rolls out of the way. Skipper back in - Play of the Day (formerly the Overdrive) on Yang and that's all she wrote. Hey, both men were legal! (5:03) Skipper & Romeo have a spontaneous "who can do a fruitier dance" contest - I gotta give it to Primetime. They're onto Greed...and the finals (prediction: they job...but I'm too chicken predict to whom)

Greed ad

The WCW Road to Spring Break-Out is brought to you by (all together now) 1-800-COL-LECT and America (wha!) Online!

The big stop this week was at UT-Knoxville - well, here's some pictures of the campus, anyway...

Buff's camera catches the Magnificent Seven arguing amongst themselves. Steiner wants to know where everybody was when his freak went down. He thinks it's on Buff's tape.



Buff says the battery was dead, but they're gonna check it anyway. Ohhh whatever

LANCE STORM & "CAREER KILLER" AWESOME MIKE AWESOME (with Let Us Take You Back to Thunder) v. MAMALUKES - "If I could be serious for a moment...I've noticed the further we get from the Canadian border, the lower the IQ of the bein' this far south, I figure there's a good chance I've got a higher IQ than the whole front row combined. So let me keep this simple for you - all rise for the playing of the Canadian national anthem." Tony CAN'T WAIT to talk over the anthem - SHAME! We get about (0:19) before "Not the Theme from the Godfather" plays. Vito *almost* gets to actually stop the music by saying "La Maestro, la musica please - hey you two piece o' Canadian bac-o-bits. You guys wanna be a coupla wise guys? Well me 'n' Johnny are gonna take you back to the neighbourhood - we're gonna do it Italian style, and you ain't never gonna talk about the USA again. We're gonna kick your...tails in, punks!" Big Vito: on the edge. They run by the cameraman in the aisle and hit the ring - the Canadians have an early advantage but it's a double whip reversal, double atomic drop, right by Vito, Johnny with a clothesline, Vito with a clothesline that takes he and Storm outside. Stomp. Awesome rolls out and Johnny follows him with rights. Vito with a right. Johnny whips Awesome into a Vito lariat - but Awesome ducks it and clotheslines him down. Storm from behind on Johnny before he can get Awesome from behind. Johnny rolled in - double whip, double lariat. Witchblade is coming to TNT this summer! Right by Storm, right, into the opposite corner is reversed but Storm gets the boot up - Storm trying a dive but Johnny dropkicks him on the way down. Both men tag - big clothesline on Vito by Awesome - right, into the opposite corner, running splash. Right, right, into the ropes, big boot caught, right by Vito, right, into the ropes, sidewalk slam. Right for Storm. Clothesline for Awesome, tag to Johnny, into the ropes, Bensonhurst bomb! Referee "Blind" Billy Silverman decides that Johnny isn't legal and takes a lot of time and energy putting him to his corner - so Storm comes in with a missile dropkick to Big Vito. Awesome hoists him up - over his shoulder - and there's the running Awesomebomb. 1, 2, 3. (2:45) Post-match, Johnny gets *his* helping of squash courtesy an Awesomebomb and the Maple Leaf - the Filthy Animals' music interrupts here and HUGH MORRUS & KONNAN run to the ring to do some housecleaning. I didn't know it was possible for a guy in a red headband to get along with a guy in a blue headband!


Oh, look, it's ol' what's her name - STACY NOLASTNAMENOW - wheeling out a baby buggy. She's wearing a long, long dress which I'm sure she'll rip off later in this segment. A quick check reveals that Stacy announced her pregnancy 14 August - which was...hmmm...SEVEN months ago. Well, it *could* work, if she was two months' pregnant when she... ohhh my head hurts. Anyway, a few guys at ringside help to bring the carriage into the ring over the top rope. "Guys, be careful with that - please be careful. I've come out here tonight, because I have something to say to all you people. Now since I've been gone, there's been a lotta changes that have happened in my life for the better - I'm not that same girl that left my fiancee standing at the altar, and I'm not the same girl that would do anything to anybody that got in my way...because I've changed. And I've changed because of you people - all the cards, and the letters that you sent me - it was overwhelming how much support and how much you guys really cared about me at a time that could have been difficult for me. But the other reason why I've changed is because of my baby - my baby has taught me to appreciate the things that are important to me in my life, and nothing's more important to me than him. So I wanted to thank all you people and tell you that I was okay - hold on a second, honey, Mommy's almost done - but another thing - I wanna introduce to each and every one of you my newest baby." First, let me say that it may not have been possible for her to read her lines any faster OR flatter. Now, let me say that that's a ripoff of Mr. Perfect's music playing...which can only mean that it's a match made in "can't deliver a promo" heaven as SHAWN STASIAK ralks out. They each make goo goos to the carriage...then share a kiss. "Shut up, listen and learn! Only a man like ME could have a woman hohoho like this." "Michael (Michael?), why don't you show 'em how you rock my world." "Absolutely." "Hit the music!" And sure enough, the dress comes off, the hair is undone, and Stasiak shows off his abs. Oh, she said "Mecca" because he's the "Mecca of manhood." "Well...sweetheart, you are lookin' good tonight, but uh...Stacy, I think it's time to reveal to the world our little secret, it's time to show everybody our little pride and joy..." Stacy goes to the carriage, and pulls out...a stack of 8x10's of Stasiak. "Isn't that the most adorable thing you've ever seen? He looks just like me! But because I love you fans so much, right here tonight, it's your lucky night..." and Stasiak tosses pictures to the fans. "You see it just goes to show that you can catch a babe like this when you're Shawn 'the Star' Stasiak, and none of you people will ever know what it's like to be me, because everybody's got absolutely zero going for them. Especially, since I look out to each and every one of your faces, I see nothing but fat, disgusting, bald-headed, toothless, tattooed LOSERS..." the music hits again - it's TRIPPA B and we can only wonder WHY.



"Yo, Stasiak - you got a problem with fat, bald, tattooed up people, even with some teeth missin'? You don't have a problem - you got a problem with me - 'cause if you wanna call these people zeros, you're calling me a zero - they wanna be fat and bald, well that's my category, so if you got a problem, we'll straighten this up right now." "Sweetheart, step aside..." Stasiak tries to run him down with the buggy as he gets into the ring - Bigelow blocks it and rams Stasiak with it. Right hand - clothesline puts him on the floor. So Bigelow challenges him to a match at Greed. Man, that's GOTTA be worth at least THREE buys!

Back for another look through Buff's camera - they play the tape...and somehow we MAGICALLY shift from watching the TV through Buff's camera to getting *the feed from the monitor* on our screens! One by one, they all leave the room - they actually call Animal "Joe" - ooh, shooty! The "LOW BATTERY" logo shows up so Bagwell goes to get another one, setting the camera on its side on the couch...and leaving Midajah alone. An unseen hand covers the lens and shifts the camera's view away from the picture - and we hear Midajah scream. Coming back to the Seven, Steiner complains about the tape showin' him nothin'. Mike Sanders steps into the picture and whispers something to Flair - and he tells Steiner Booker T. is on his way to the ring. Steiner is on HIS way out...after reminding everybody in the room he doesn't trust them.

Promotional consideration paid for by Lean Pockets (again), "Remember the Titans," America (again!) Online, Slim Jim (no Savage) (again) and Lean Pockets (again) (again)

Hey! "The Brothers!" That's just like "The Best Man!"

WCW Spring Break-Out ad - keep in mind, I still think this could be THE LAST Nitro - it's brought to you by AOL.

See WCW live while you still can! This Sunday, it's Greed in Jacksonville! Catch Nitro in Gainesville - it's the final house show in Mobile next Sunday, then Spring Break-Out takes Panama City Beach for the LAST SHOW EVER - tickets are FREE, first come first served, and you KNOW it'll be WILD!

We check out the TV-14-DL ratings box - the secret service - and the empty seats for the (ha) new owners

NAPPY T. is out to tell us what not to hate and what to hate. Let Us Take You Back One Week where Booker and Steiner brawled to the back...where an ambush party was waiting. Booker T. is at the very top of a small handful of names I want to see make it to the WWF...or headline a brand new promotion. "Kill that music! Yeah. You know, I been back in WCW for a few weeks now, it feels REAL, real good. It feels so good, you know Ric Flair...and the Steiners, you know, they already gave me a surprise party just last week on Nitro. And you know, I came right here tonight, to Knoxville, Tennessee [crowd: "He said Knoxville!"] - God's country - I came here tonight for one reason only - one good turn deserves another. You know, I concentrated on Scotty Steiner so much, I forgot about all the playa hatas in the back. [Witchblade: Coming soon] So I'm gon' say it like this here - no matter whether it's Jeff Jarrett, Steiner Brothers, you know, Filthy Animals - even YOU Ric Flair, you all ancient, antique decrepit ol' buzzards - I tell you like this here, tonight, I'm gonna stand in this ring until somebody bring their ass out here to get it whupped." Filthy Animals? Sure enough, the siren hits and WHITE THUNDER is out. "Cut the music! Hey Booker T! I hear you want a little payback - a little revenge - well that's already been arranged. Tonight, you're gonna face one of us--" but he's interrupted by DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE HAS CRAPPY MUSIC, who is up in the balcony. "Hey - hey Einsteiner - over here. You think this is gonna go down without me? I don't think so!" "Hey Page, I'm sorry, all you white trash blend in so well, can you do some jumping jacks or sumtin'? I can't see ya!" "I can see you fine, super geek - people like you really SUCK - and I - and I mean, REALLY *SUCK*! Cat got your tongue?" "Yo, Steiner - you made your bed - why don't you lie in it? Who's it gonna be - me or DDP?" "Nononono, tonight, the - tonight the champ takes the day off." "Go figure." "You said it." "But Page, I haven't thought of a - forgot about you - you're gonna face one of the toughest son of a bitches next to me, and that's my own flesh and blood. But he's not only gonna pin you, he's gonna torture you enough so you make it to Sunday. Now cut Page's music off - I don't wanna listen to 'im no more." I think he meant "mic" because Page isn't heard any more - well, they had to mute the first one to cover up, but... "Oh yeah, and if you interfere with Booker T's match,



you forfeit your title shot." "So like I said, Steiner, who is it gonna be - who you got for me back there - send me somebody out here 'cause I'm gonna whoop somebody's ass here in Knoxville." THE NARCISSIST leaps over the crowd from behind and his the big double axehandle. "That's your match tonight!" Big stomps, big right. Big elbow, big right, big right, big right, into the ropes, big powerslam. Motioning for the Rack already...and there it is. Mickie J. finally hits the ring and immediately calls for the bell. (no opening bell - 0:47) Oh, no...wait...that *was* the opening bell...

THE NARCISSIST v. NAPPY T. - J. finally gets across that that was the opening bell - T. gets about thirty seconds of resting time. Big double axehandle, another, another, T. starting to Hulk up - into the ropes, duck, T with the flying jalapeno. Right, right, Irish whip into the opposite corner is reversed - T gets a boot up to stop the charge - bicycle kick, sidewalk slam gets 2 for T. Luger begging off...T looking to the crowd - and Luger pulls him through the ropes to the outside. Luger following out - but T strikes first with a back kick. Chop, whip into the barricade, reversal, T hits hard. Luger takes T to another railing. Luger in to break the count...and back out. Luger puts T in...steps back through the ropes himself and hooks a leg for 2. Big scoop...and a big slam. Cover, hooks the leg...2. Big vertical suplex. Luger with a seated double bicep. Hooks the leg - 2. I think Booker T's just about had enough - Right, right, right, right, right, big knee by Luger - big forearm across the back. Big snapmare. Big surfboard...or as I sometimes like to call it, a "bow and arrow." T starting to power out with a funny face - turning it - but Luger hits a big knee. Big forearm, into the ropes, T up and over with a rollup for 2! Block, right, right, into the corner is reversed, T up and over, body scissors rollup gets 2! Luger to the eyes to turn it back around. Big double axe handle, big shot in the back. Big suplex - no. T blocks the attempt again - *T* with the suplex! Both men slow to get up - T ducks a big clothseline - big gutshot - big axe kick! T poised - Harlem sidekick! T motioning for the Book End - whip into the ropes is reversed but T holds on to reverse the reversal - Book End! 1, 2, 3!! (5:42) RICK WOOF WOOF hits the ring immediately after the bell with a chair - but T ducks - right, whip is reversed, but T holds on and pulls him back, gutshot, off the ropes with another axe kick! Breakdancing back up - but Luger WHACKS him with the chair. Better ring that bell another hundred times since it hasn't helped yet. Steiner adds a Spicolli Driver for good measure. CAT's music fires up and here *he* is to clean house - but he's one and they're two - and somehow the numbers take command - until Cat ducks a double clothesline to hit a double clothesline of his own - kick for you, kick for you, let me do the splits and uppercut both of you at the same time - KANYON has had enough - gutshot, Flatliner! Stomping away - now a triple team on the Cat - tossed outside - ANOTHER Flatliner out on the floor. Page has finally come out - HE'S got a chair - so everybody hightails it out before he can do anything. Quick, to the ad break!

Thunder ad

Close captioning where available keyed in by George Foreman for MEINEKE!

WCW Spring Break-Out 2001 ad - logon to for a chance to win VIP passes and a free trip! Brought to you by the Usual Suspects

The Castrol Motor Oily replay is Luger attacking from behind, Luger taking the Book End to lose again, and Luger going down to the Cat

EVAN KARAGIAS (with Let Us Take You Back to Thunder) v. "SUGAR" SHANE HELMS (with the Nitro Grrrls) - Karagais comes out to his own theme instead of 3 Count's. Helms comes out to "Vertebraeker," which is burning up the pop charts - no, wait, it's not. We are told that Chavo Guerrero Jr. hit up Ric Flair to book his upcoming Greed opponent "to death" between now and the big pay-per-view and he's obliging - Helms will fight tonight




as well as Wednesday. Of course, Karagias is in a tourney semifinal on Wednesday, so... well, here we go. Lockup, arm wringer by Helms, into a top wristlock - Karagias powers him down to break it. Referee "Born To Do It" Scott James warns Karagias about pulling the hair and Karagias retorts by pointing to his bicep. Oooh, that hurts - here, look at the other bicep instead. Greed is 6 Days Away, by the by. Let's try again. Lockup, fireman's carry takeover by Helms, Karagias bulls him to the corner, right, right, right, right. Karagias drives the Cadillac - that may be a mistake. Helms out with a Thesz press that almost goes over the top - hailing down rights, right, right, into the ropes is reversed, drops down, leapfrog is caught - Helms with a sitout powerbomb for 2. Gutwrench suplex. Helms on the second rope - super fistdrop! And he gets another 2. Fierman's carry - but Karagias lands on his feet - gutshot, military press - dropped onto the shoulder - into a spinebuster. Karagias rolls him for 2. Scoop...and a slam. Karagias with a top rope quebrada but nobody's home. Helms trying to set up for the Vertebraeker but Karagias picks him up in the piggyback - Helms with punches and a victory roll...for 2. Karagias comes back with a back elbow after missing a clothesline. Karagias covers - and gets 2. Snap suplex. Off the ropes - legdrop. Right hand. Helms with a right, Karagias, Helms, Karagias, Karagias with a kick, scoop..front slam. Karagias going up top...Helms meets him and puts him on his shoulders - this time the spin works for Helms as Karagias' jaw hits Helms' knee. Off the ropes with a wacky neckbreaker. Did I say "wacky?" I meant "innovative." Both men are down - block, right by Helms, block, right, right, right, in the corner, into the opposite corner sternum first, Sugar Smack as he comes out - 1, 2, no. Right by Helms, into the ropes, reversed, body scissors by Helms, but Karagias muscles him back into a belly-to-back suplex...for 2. Stomp, stomp, Karagias goes to the blatant choke. BIG DDT. Karagias going up top yet again - will it ever work for him? Corkscrew plancha HITS - but only gets 2! Karagias and James have a chat about numerology. Into the ropes, reversed, up on the shoulder by Helms but Karagias moves back onto his feet, into the Slop Drop position - but Helms jumps backwards to reverse - and there's the Nightmare on Helms Street! Helms motioning for it once again - here is comes - Vertebraeker. Good night now. 1, 2, 3. (6:13) Post-match, CHAVO GUERRERO JNR senses his cue - double axehandle from behind, and there's the brainbuster. Play *his* music.

TONIGHT... DDP and Rick Steiner - call your mom!

Buff Bagwell carries the power of the WCW MasterCard - hurry up and get it while you still can - while there's still a WCW! You know what's weird? Your choices here are the WCW logo, Goldberg, Sting, Nash and Bagwell. We've seen ONE of them TONIGHT. That's right - the guy in the ad!

RIKI RACHTMAN is your party host for the Velcro Pygmies - Mike Tenay produced their second album, I hear. Thanks to 1-800-COL-LECT and America Online for making sure I'd have another easy segment to write up!

Next week: Gainesville! Ville of Gaines!

Backstage, a Security Camera catches Smooth punking out DISQO with one punch and stealing his match against Kanyon - "this isn't personal....this is business."

Hudson tries to put over the Security Cameras. How can he SLEEP at night? Meanwhile, WCW Greed is 6 Days Away. Commentators seem intent on selling the kissing of Dusty's ass as a legit stipulation...brrr.

Last Week, Dusty & Dustin Rhodes had this to say about their upcoming match: "I will pull down my pants - I will bend over - and Flair will kiss my big p----imply, white ass." Aie - FUHFUHWID

Also Last Week, here's a rebuttal from Jeff Jarrett & Ric Flair - they're excited and looking forward to Greed.



Flair vows that HIS ass will be kissed. Could we maybe go the whole pay-per-view with NEITHER man's ass kissed?

TONIGHT... DDP and Rick Steiner!

Here's some more from the Pygmy...the Pygmy...the Velcro Pygmies. Whatever.

KANYON (with Let Us Take You Back to Last Week...and Earlier Tonight) v. M.I. SMOOTH - DISQO's music plays but he ain't comin' out...Smooth makes a big show out of limping - and making a pained face while removing his jacket. I'm thinking this'll be a short match. Check that - a LONG, LONG limp to the ring...*then* a short match. "Witchblade" is coming this summer, by the way. They might have enough time for two or three other graphics during this aisle walk. Referee "Blind" Billy Silverman tries to keep Smooth from competing - Smooth asks him to step aside. Smooth ve-r-r-r-r-y slowly gets up the steps. Between the ropes - Kanyon with a kick to the head. Right, right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Every shot is to the head. Silverman never hit the ring and asked for a bell - doesn't look like this will be an official match. Kanyon dares Smooth to get up - Smooth dares him to bring it on - right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, standing on the match. "Kanyon, there's no match, get off him!" Kanyon goes to leave...but Smooth stands back up. Dummy. Right hand. Right. Right. Right, right, right, right, right, right. Kanyon goes to leave...hey I bet he stands up again - yup. Kanyon back in the ring - say it with me - right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Kanyon goes outside...and gets a chair. WHACK! Commentators are apoplectic. WHACK! Boy oh boy, I *hope* Smooth gets up again so Kanyon can chair him again! WHACK! What a lamebrain! Kanyon dares him to get up - WHACK! Moron. Idiot. Smooth wants more. Kanyon pretends to show fear - man, you gotta feel for the guy to be forced to be scared of this doofus. He lurches back down the aisle...this segment lasted about THREE HOURS

UP NEXT... DDP and Rick Steiner - God help us all.

In case you haven't been paying attention, WCW's Road to Spring Break-Out 2001 hits the University of Florida in Gainesville! Thanks AOL!

RICK WOOF WOOF (with Let Us Take You Back to Last Week) v. AD BREAK in a nontitle match - Who attacked Midajah? We don't know. Why didn't the new owners show up? (Because there AREN'T any.) No, we don't know. MESH



HEAD MUSH MOUTH gets an entrance after Rick hits the ring. Perhaps, if we're very lucky, we'll get to hear a few words from the champ before the final ad break of the night. I only say this because this is pretty much how they've been doing it EVERY week. "You know, Diamond Dallas Page has lied to himself so many times he actually believes his own hype. He actually believes he's gonna outthink me. Now that's a pretty strong statement comin' from a guy who had to get hooked on phonics just to get into high school, that was too stupid to get into college 'cause his SAT scores were so low because none of the questions consisted of white trash questions, such as: how many miles can you travel before you rotate the tires on your house? But Diamond Dallas White Trash, don't take it person, because I hate ALL white trash - I don't hang out with white trash, and if it wasn't for this pay-per-view, the only way we woulda met in the real world, if you had been detailing my car or cuttin' my grass. But the date is set, this Sunday at Greed, and you're gonna notice the day of that the weather's gonna change, [oh God here he goes] because the pendulum on which the earth rotates on is gonna be on a 51 degree axis, I'm gonna have the sun to my right, the dark side of the moon to my left, and I'm gonna come at you with a vengeance, and I'm gonna eclipse your ass. And in the aftermath, you're gonna lie in the same path as Sting, Booker T., Sid Vicious and Goldberg. Because I'm goin' down as the greatest world champion of all time, because I'm the man, but more importantly, there's only one genetic freak. Page, good luck tonight in survivin' the Dog Face Gremlin." That sure was nice of Scott to put his brother over like that.

Greed ad - you cannot imagine how short a time this promotion has remaining

RICK WOOF WOOF v. DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE HAS CRAPPY MUSIC - BUT AT LEAST WE'LL ONLY HAVE TO HEAR IT ANOTHER TWO AND A HALF WEEKS in a nontitle match - Page ducks a Steinerline, Steiner ducks a clothesline, but not the second one. Into the ropes, reversal, Page with a uranage for 2. Running clothesline puts Steiner out on the floor. Pescado (sorta)!! Head into the safety rail. Into the rail again. Thrown back in the ring - Page climbing the corner - Steiner leaning back on the ropes and Page crotches himself. Field goal kick by Steiner - kick. Whoa, is that referee "Blind" Nick Patrick I spy? How about that! Steiner claws at the face. Into the ropes, Steinerline, 2. Right, right, right, right, to the back of the head, forearm across the back of the head, forearm, again clawing at the face. Steiner argues with Patrick - knee to the face. Page put through the ropes to the floor - Steiner follows him out. Into the safety rail - and Page bounces into another right from Steiner. Right cross. Into the rail is reversed...but Steiner comes off with a Steinerline. Page with a right to the body, right, Steiner with a forearm in the back, rolled back in, following to the ring, Page put in the corner - going for a German suplex but Page elbows him - Steiner ducks the next one and spins him into a belly-to-belly suplex for 2. Standing on the throat for 3. Steiner making threatening moves towards Patrick - and allowing Page enough time to pull himself up - right, left, right, into the opposite corner, ducks the big boot, goes outside and makes a wish with the ringpost. Page back in the ring - going for a Diamond Cutter, but Rick may have held onto the top rope - coer - feet on the middle rope - 1, 2, Page sorta kicks out. So confusing. Steiner up for the bulldog - and got it. Leg is hooked - 1, 2, no. Scott Hudson is dispatched backstage for "a major story." Meanwhile, Steiner makes the diamond sign. Right. Pulls him up - into the corner, Page sidesteps the charge and rolls him up for 2. Steiner with a Steinerline. Tony's lifelong dream: calling the match by himself. Trying to get him on his shoulders for the Spicolli Driver - Page gets back to his feet - clothesline ducked, spinning Steiner around, Diamond Cutter...slowly moving over - 1, ROAD WARRIOR ANIMAL breaks it up - coughbullshitcough - (relaxed DQ 5:58) Animal going for a powerbomb - Page was probably supposed to reverse to a facejam, but instead he kinda just fell on his back instead - Page gets up and gives him a disjointed Diamond Cutter. Here comes TOTALLY BUFFED and JEDOUBELF JADOUBLEREDOUBLET...

We go backstage where Scott Hudson has found Cat and Booker T. attached to stretchers - why they want to stay in the building despite being gurneyed up, I have no idea. *That* is your major story?

Back to the ring, where Page is suffering at the hands of the triple team. Tony bemoans the lack of anyone to help him. Where are Konnan & Hugh Morrus? Tony is practically WEEPING for Page. Thank the Lord, SECURITY & DOUG DILLINJA are out to get everybody separated. Page is still on his feet - he's still standing! Well, WHITE THUNDER runs out to put a lead pipe in his back. And here's a Steiner Recliner. Rick adds some kicks to the head for effect. Credits are up and we're out.

This is the way the story will end, this is the way the story will end, this is the way the story will end...

"Lost in Space" is NEXT!!

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