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/8 June 1998

WCW Nitro




I GET LETTERS: I read and try to respond to every email I get. Sometimes, one comes across that I just have to share with all of you, provided I get permission from the author. Here's one here:

    Subject: Re: do you not like your job bonehead?

    i cant believe u didnt like the june 1st nitro. I know its been stupid lately, but last two weeks kicked butt. At the end, NOBODY THREW COKES!!! Are u death? everybody was cheering. Your reports sound like it sux, even thought it got a low 3.9 rating or something whcih it deseverved like a jerry springer 13. u didnt even mention how many people love goldberg an actual good wrestler, not like austin, punch all day long, flick him off, i got to expain to my little brother he keeps pointing to god because thats where hes sending him, kick, disco inferno move, who does it better. u dont like the wolfpack song? your obviously white. wwf? yipie. they made dustin rhodes, the skinny one, gay. Puke or whatever the hell his name is, come on, no one wants to see that. Little kids cant watch it no more, blood, sex, profanity. wcw 4 LIFE.

It's hard for me to respond to a letter like that. I will say though, that those who know me HAVE characterized me as "obviously white."

As the Nitro theme plays, we fade in and see - oh boy! - Michael Buffer. Apparently, the mere BEGINNING of the show is enough to warrant a "Let's get rrrrrready to <censored>." Suddenly, the smell of Voodoo Chili wafts through the arena - and it's YOU KNOW WHO. And he's brought friends, and I'm not just referring to THE BOOTY DISCIPLE & THE CRACKER EASY-E. No, this week we are graced with the presence of DENNIS "RODZILLA" "THE WORM" "MORE NICKNAMES THAN HAIR COLOURS" RODMAN. Oh yeah, Hogan and Rodman are smokin' cigars too. Hogan talks loud and says nothing, although he does call Randy Savage "limp-wristed, light in the loafers, [the] Macho Girl." which is good for a larf. Rodman takes the mic and does his Ross Perot impersonation ("Hey hey hey hey hey, can I talk now? Can I talk?") Luckily, we are treated to Bischoff mouthing Rodman's ENTIRE speech while Rodman talks - it's got something to do with Detroit (where they is, and where Rodman was, back when he looked normal). Hogan: "...if there's any doubt who be the man, may the big brother hit me with a lightning bolt if I'm tellin' you a lie, because with Rodzilla in the house, the Disciple watchin' my back, the man with the brains and all of Uncle Teddy's money, there will be no stopping NWO Hollywood now..." He tells the Wolfpac fans it isn't too late to cross back over. I wonder if they actually leave ashes on the ring.

This portion of WCW Monday Nitro is brought to you by Valvoline, with SynPower!

Let us take you back to last week's Nitro, where (This Is) Sting rappells into the ring, and repels the last few WCW fans by first joining the NWO, and then in a swerve to not too many people, the Wolfpac.

Opening credits - NOW! It's WCW Nitro! LIVE from the Palace of Auburn Hills in suburban Detroit, Michigan - 8.6.98 (one day after my birthday, thank you very much!) and rated TV-PG-V (I think). Your hosts are Tony Schiavone, Mike Tenay, and Larry Zbyszko. Oh, and look! There are three of the Nitro Girls! Fireworks! More fireworks! Twenty minutes down, and one hundred sixty (plus) to go!

The Treacherous Three talk about Sting's decision - well, Tony and Mike talk while Larry hypes the crowd. This leads to a video package showcasing Mike Tenay talking to the fans "earlier today" outside the arena. Someone is grilling burgers, fer cryin' out loud. Mike asks a fan who would be next to join the Wolfpac, and the consensus is Diamond Dallas Page. Typical fan comments: "Oh yeah, he is too SWEEEEET!"

The NWO theme plays - no, wait - it's cut off and - With a howl, we are treated to ANOTHER entrance - this one by the Wolfpac - KEVIN NASH (with a pretty damn cool NWO hockey jersey and a semi-cool chapeau), KONNAN, THE NARCISSIST, (THIS IS) MUTA - err, STING (see, that red facepaint makes him look like - oh, you got that one), CURTRICK HENNIGRUDE, and of course RANDY SAVAGE. Nash says "hizzouse." "I got something I want to say to Diamond Dallas Page tonight - about five years ago, I was ready to walk out of the business because I wasn't getting a break. Diamond Dallas Page was one of the few people that believed in me. Now tonight, DDP, you've gotta make a choice. We had a vote, and the vote was ALMOST unanimous (Nash glares at Savage) ALMOST unanimous - but Diamond, we gotta home for ya in the Wolfpac, brother. Two years ago, you Diamond-cut Scott Hall and you decided not to go black and white. Looking back and seeing what happened, you made the right decision. But tonight, DDP, how can you turn down being a member of the Dream Team? You can't do it, bro. You gotta look at yourself - 'cause the Wolfpac, baby, 's where it's at. So Dallas you make that decision tonight, I know you'll make the right one." Turning to Hogan, Nash - gets his mic cut off. A voice calls out - it's Hogan, who has apparently taken over the soundboard, and the pyro controls. Sitting with Hogan up in the loge is Bischoff, Rodman - and BRET HART. Rodman turns on some pyrotechnics, then cuts the lights (complete with "bzzzz" sound effect). "Yo boys, I mean girls, hahaha, I guess you know who the man is now, don'cha. The pecking order has been decided for all the NWO-ites. We're taking over the world (Hogan's already lost his voice) and I think, Rodzilla, that we've seen enough of them." And he calls for a commercial.

Promotional consideration paid for by Slim Jim, Simonize car care, America "We're not WebTV" Online, 1-800-USA-FIND (that guy doesn't look smart enough to stay hidden).

Backstage, Konnan is accosting J.J. DILLON - Can NWO Hollywood do whatever they want? Dillon suggests that it isn't his problem, and maybe THEY should take care of it. Konnan says fine, don't come crying to him when the Wolfpac fights back.

JERRY FLYNN v. YUJI NAGATA (with Sonny Onoo) - Zbyszko says "game of human chess." I'm not sure who gets more offense in this match - Flynn, Nagata, or Onoo. We learn that tonight, Chavo Guerrero has DEMANDED a match with Goldberg. That should be - interesting. We ALSO learn that the WCW Public Relations office will make a MAJOR announcement on THUNDER! This is, like, a big deal - because the PUBLIC RELATIONS office - well, they're so - just - apparently they're the - no, I don't buy it. Oh yeah, you're wondering about this match. Well, Flynn applied the crossarmbreaker, but Nagata reached the ropes. Later, we see the Nagatalock for the submission (4:12). The best word to describe this match is "competent," which doesn't make it any less boring. It DOES merit a Snickers replay, though.

Tony Schiavone introduces CHRIS MONDAY JERICHO, who carries an AIRborne EXpress letter with him - he announces that it's a registered letter from Ted Turner. Opening and reading. "Dear Mr. Jericho, after reviewing your request regarding a final decision on your grievance with World Championship Wrestling, I have reached the following conclusions. Firstly, let me commend you on your recent performances within WCW. Your work has been incredible, your dedication has been remarkable, and your tenacity has been second to none. As a matter of fact, I see in you a lot of what made a young Southern man into the billionaire media maven he is today. You even receive high praise from my lovely wife Jane, who incidentally sends her regards...I enjoy my summer's fishing in your homeland of Canada as I equally enjoyed watching your father excel in the National Hockey League. So, in regards to your legal search for justice, I only have this to say. After reviewing the tapes of the Battle Royal at Slamboree as well as the subsequent match, I agree that the circumstances leading to your loss were less than by the book, therefore DEAN MALENKO SHOULD NOT BE THE CHAMPION! However...your incessant whining and complaining has sickened me, so I must agree with WCW President J.J. Dillon in saying 'tough luck.' The decision stands - Dean Malenko is the undisputed Cruiserweight champion. As far as your legal precedent goes, this is the WCW, so your little-known codicile will remain unused, undisclosed, and unfortunate, similar to your wrestling career. Signed, Uncle Ted Turner." Jericho is in tears. "Somebody's been messing with my letter to Ted Turner!" Of course, we all know Dillon is merely the Chairman of the Executive Committee, so the letter is obviously a fraud. Not that anyone else notices this. Ha! I must give Tony some props for his excellent facial reactions to Jericho's reading - worthy of Mean Gene's role (Mean Gene, apparently, is in New York).

Let us take you back to a clip of THUNDER! where Lex Luger invites Diamond Dallas Page to be his tag team partner, and to join the Wolfpac.

Get wired with!

Let us take you back to THUNDER! again, where Sting debuts his Muta look, distracting the Giant while Page delivers the Diamond Cutter to Brian Adams, and secures the pinfall - of course, Luger and Page aren't the Tag Team Champions since Giant and Adams really weren't the Champs - well, we'll explain it later...

HORACE REESE - wait, that's HORACE (boulder) & REESE (with Raven, the Flock, and Scotty Riggs' tongue) vs. JUVENTUD GUERRERA & VAN HAMMER - as they enter the ring, we are treated to Hammer saying "that's one angry Mexican, brother!" I'm not exactly sensing a tag team of the year in the making here. Horace and Juvi start. No, Horace tags to Reese. Hammer pulls Juvi back and convinces him that there's a mismatch. Of course, Hammer ends up on the wrong end of a doubleteam and now it's a Texas tornado match. Juvi is thrown out. Suddenly, Hammer hits a double clothesline (Horace goes down) and Juvi tries a rana (no flip, but Reese DOES fall). Now both Flockers are out. Hammer throws Juvi onto both men (they catch him) and then Hammer PLANCHAS onto the three of them. Wow, I guess he IS the World's largest luchadore! Stalling time - the faces work the rhythmic clapping. OK, we got Hammer and Horace. Horace with a knee, a punch, a slap, a whip, another knee. Fireman's carry, 1, 2, no. Horace stays on him - into the corner, chop (woooo!), whip, followthrough lariat. I wonder if Hammer's gonna do ANYTHING. Arm wringer by Horace. Hammer reverses into another arm ringer. Cobra clutch by Hammer! Slam for 2. Bodyslam and a tag. Juvi with springboard guillotine and instead of pinning him, he takes a shot at Reese. Chops (woooo!), whip, but Juvi eats a boot on the follow. Big lariat by Horace and Juvi is bouncing off the mat. Belly-to-back suplex and a big splash for 2. Lodi's sign says "What is AFX?" I think it's an Aphex Twin alter ego, Lodi. Horace with a tombstone, no Juvi rolls it into a pinfall attempt. 2. Elbow by Horace and Juvi is back down. Chop (woooo!), into the corner, whip, follow, Juvi ducks. Juvi is back to the chops and tries to make a tag, but Horace clubs him from behind. Another bodyslam. Leg drop! No pin attempt, instead we get an exciting chinlock. Whip into the ropes, back body drop attempt is countered with a Juvi sunset flip - no Horace picks him up by the hair - Juvi counters the counter with a rana! Juvi again misses the tag and Horace cuts him off. Maybe HORACE should tag. Nope. Into the corner and up on the top rope. Horace is going to try a superplex - Juvi lands on Horace instead for 2. Tag to Hammer! Reese is in but Van Hammer is on fire. Spinebuster for Horace. FINALLY Reese goes down with a top rope clothesline. Running lariat for Horace - both men go out. Juvi tries the rana on Reese - but it's no good. The double chokeslam means it's over. Reese pins Juvi - again. (8:04) No Juice for you!

Lee Marshall narrates the Starburst Pin on a Map On the Road Report - Buffalo, New York is Thursday's site of THUNDER!

Must be hour two, the TV-PG-V box is back up. We move to the "luxury box" where NWO Hollywood (and several lovely ladies) are holding the fort. Hogan rambles on about Kevin Nash, and then says that he's called Henry Holmes and is looking for reimbursement for all the powerbomb payments he made earlier in the year. And now, for an encore, the "new second biggest man in Hollywood" will be causing grief for us all later. Think it's the Ultimate Warrior? No way, we all KNOW it's going to be Scott Steiner.

WCW invades Saginaw, Buffalo for THUNDER!, Erie, and Pittsburgh this week! LIVE! All right, they've spliced in Goldberg injuring La Parka!

The fireworks fly, and if Mike Tenay is talking, Tony must be waiting to interview somebody. Sure enough, we cut to Tony who is standing with J.J. DILLON. For those of you who missed THUNDER!, Giant claimed ownership of both tag team belts, picked Brian Adams as his partner, Lex Luger made a challenge, and he and Diamond Dallas Page WON the main event of THUNDER! Only, see, the title switch never happened - Giant didn't have the authority to do what he did. Dillon announced, and repeats here, that current Tag Team Champions Giant & Sting, seeing as they won't ever see eye to eye and team up again, must fight at the Great American Bash one-on-one. Winner will get to choose a partner and THEY will be the new Tag Team Champs.

EDDIE GUERRERO v. SCOTT PUTSKI - Eddie says on the way to the ring that he looks to have Sunday off after Goldberg takes care of Chavo. Putski DOES get to say "You suck" several times before taking his beating like a man. After Putski's obligatory offense, Guerrero shows us a drop toehold, a dropkick to the head, a snapmare, lotsa chops (woooo!), a shoulderblock, another snapmare, dropkick to the head, 2 count. Abdominal stretch. Commentators are talking about Crazy Chavo challenging Goldberg. We REALLY slow down with this hold. OK, Putski powers out, ducks a clothesline and hits a NASTY German suplex - Eddie lands RIGHT on his head. Eddie seems to come to, though, regaining control and hitting his slingshot rolling headbutt thingy. It's back and forth for a while, until Eddie takes control, working the knee - meanwhile, the crowd is up which much mean that PSYCHO CHAVO has hit the ring (DQ 4:34) - Putski is unhappy that Chavo would interfere - Chavo apologises and when Scott turns, Chavo FLATTENS him with the Polish hammer - er, Mexican hammer. He then chases after Eddie, doing his best Evil Doink/Hugh Morrus facial expressions.

Kevin Nash and Konnan, backstage, provide counterpoint - they're selling enough red'n'black T-shirts to pay Hogan back - Nash makes fun of the fifteen skeezers sharing one bottle of Dom, and to Rodman: "Why ya hangin' out with white guys R us?"

Oh boy, it's back to the luxury box and back to Eric Bischoff. "I know what sucks, and THIS doesn't." Spake too soon, Eric. Eric interviews GIANT, who compares Sting to a bug and talks about ripping off limbs. THIS is what they put on between ads?

Tony Schiavone brings out KONNAN and CURTRICK HENNIGRUDE. Rude talks, Hennig talks, Konnan talks (he says "bowdy bowdy" and then at no extra charge, throws in "rowdy rowdy!"), but the crowd was too busy chanting "Goldberg" for any of it to matter.

Heenan replaces Zbyszko. Not a minute too soon!

BOOKER T. (2) v. CHRIS BENOIT (3) in Match 6 of the best of Seven Series to determine the #1 Contender for the World Television Title - I suppose they could REALLY shock me and give Benoit the victory, but I wouldn't bet on it. Again, the *Public Relations Office* and their big announcement is hyped - oh, come on. Benoit pushes T. after thirty seconds of ... feeling out? Shove, and we're back to the pacing. At one minute, we start, and T. takes him down. They do that mat wrestling thing, and Benoit secures a wristlock. Back up, Benoit ducks a kick and they're separated. Crowd seems to dig it. Lock up, gobehind, wristlock, standing switch, Benoit elbows out, no, T slams him. Pacing. Looks like the old test of strentgh, but Benoit kicks a hand away and goes to another wristlock. Now they're back in test of strength mode, Benoit to the bridge, back up, Booker T with a kick to break the hold and another kick to take Benoit down. Benoit rolls out and walks around the ringside area. Benoit back in. Knee to the gut by Booker T, whip, elbow for 2. T to the armbar. Kick and a nice suplex for 2, and back to the armbar. Back up but T stays on him with a knee - Benoit ducks a forearm and T lands on the ropes. Benoit gets on him now, kicking away and hitting a kneelift. European forearm from Benoit. Benoit drops him on the ropes and then hits him until he falls to the floor. As Booker T rolls back in, Benoit whips him into the ropes and hits an elbow for 2. Benoit tries a suplex but T rolls him up in an inside cradle for 2. Benoit gets back on T and gets another near fall. Benoit picks up T and chops him in the corner (woooo!). Punch to the head, another. Benoit with a whip and Booker T falls out of the corner. 1, 2, no. Benoit with a backbreaker for 2. Benoit with a clothesline and a "thumb-'cross-the-throat" sign. That means it's time for that flying headbutt that hurts Benoit more than his opponent. Well, both men are down. 1, 2, foot on the rope. Cue STEVIE RAY. Benoit, hopefully, won't fall for THAT again. Benoit stomps mercilessly while Stevie Ray puts on the badmouth - THEN he pulls Booker T. out of the ring and tries to talk some sense into him. Benoit calmly walks over, and puts Booker T. back in the ring. Benoit with a kick, and another, but Booker T comes back with forearms. Whip into the rope, Benoit ducks and hits a German suplex for - 2! Whip, reversal, knee by Booker T. Spinkick from T! He's groggy, though. Picks up Benoit and whips, reversal, ducks a clothesline from Benoit, and hits the spinebuster ("sidewalk slam"), and then the pancake/breakdance combo, but Benoit must have seen this before because he took Booker T's face right to the second turnbuckle. Big time stompin' from Benoit, another chop (woooo!) Kicks a plenty from Benoit. Stevie Ray is cheerleading but it isn't helping. Beonit whips into the corner, Benoit leaps over Benoit and uses a COOL leg scissors-type move to roll up Benoit's shoulders for the pin! (11:14) Benoit's had just about enough of this, and kicks Booker T's leg from behind, taking T down hard. He stays on him until Stevie Ray comes in to make the save. Sigh.

Hey look, it's the Nitro Girls! Well, three of them. Apparently the other four are at a Nitro viewing party. Hey, maybe they're with Mean Gene!

The foam goes straight to your brain - at a Nitro party.

Goldberg - shirt - buy - shirt ...

The luxury box is empty, save Hogan and Hart. Hogan does a decent Savage imitation, then implies that Nash is gay, then does some more of that talking stuff that seems to be all the rage these days. Holy shit! The next thing we know, MISS ELIZABETH is sitting between Hart and Hogan! Just when you thought there weren't any shock turns left...

The WCW Power Plant is the #1 Wrestling Facility in the world ... or so they would have you believe.

Let us take you back to the Booker T./Chris Benoit match you just saw. Hey, remember when Benoit was 3-1 just last week? Will he lose THREE times in a row and blow his shot at the TV title? We'll find out Thursday at THUNDER! and also, if all that post-match attacking of the leg will mean anything. Oh, and also there'll be a SHOCKING announcement from the ultimate and all-mighty-powerful PUBLIC RELATIONS DEPARTMENT on Thursday. Oh boy.

NORMAN "MAGIC" SMILEY v. FIT FINLEY for the WCW World Television Title - the best Smiley can come up with is "WCW - where the big boys play?" Heenan saves this match with some inspired commentary - I miss Bobby Heenan being this funny ALL the time. I *think* the crowd works up a decent "Let's Go Smiley" chant, which means they're more in tho this match than I am. I think the "Boring" chant is starting to win out here. Highlights of this match include a half hour headlock, the slowest drop toe hold in history, and Finley taking a timeout to down a pint of bitters and look for leprechauns. Now the crowd is doing the wave. I think somebody should get the hook here. Heenan, admirably is still ad-libbing. Tony and Mike try to make the wave seem like a cool thing, as opposed to the fact that the match is being TOTALLY ignored by the fans, and this chronicler. The mercy tombstone and pin come at 5:43. I thought it was 65:43, but I doublechecked the clock.

Promotional consideration paid for by Super Soakers, David sunflower seeds, Motel 6, and Dan Marino gonna come give us a mortgage.

These fireworks are rated TV-PG-V! It's gotta be HOUR NUMBER THREE!

Tony Schiavone interviews (THIS IS) STING, who comes out to the Wolfpac theme - I guess we'll NEVER here "Man called Sting" again, unless Bogus Sting uses it. "Woooooow! That is what you call an official Wolfpac howl, just for you, big ol' Giant! I hate to be cliche-ist, but please, Giant, don't let your mouth override your big fat a- your big fat booty, ok? I got news for ya! At the very first Great American Bash, I had blonde hair, I was a nice guy! I was kind of a brat, but I was still as a brat beatin' up big guys just like you! Now that I've grown my hair out nice and long, and I've become a seasoned veteran, I've become a whole lot meaner also. So you say you're gonna use the Stinger as dental floss? Why don't you start by taking a shower and work your way down from there, because you stink! Get off of the champagne, get rid of the girls, stop smokin' those cigarettes, because you're looking a little bit out of shape - I'm tellin' you right now, along with being a lot meaner and a seasoned veteran, I've become a little cocky too - I'm just gonna go ahead and tell ya right now - I got your number - I'm either gonna hook ya in the Scorpion Deathlock, or I'm gonna Scorpion Death DROP ya, either way at the Great American Bash - I - OWN - YOU! - Woooo! Thank you Tony, nice to talk again." Ummm, yeah. What he said.

Tony Schiavone continues the gabfest by bringing out RODDY PIPER. Now, I think those of you who know me know there's a lot of crap I'll transcribe, but Piper is transcendental. Fortunately, the crowd drowns out Piper with a "Let's Go Red Wings" chant. For those of you keeping score at home, the homosexual reference THIS week is sent to Rodman. Lucky for us, RANDY SAVAGE comes out to add his special blend of surrealism to this mix. "I'm not a mark, brother!" "Your ass is mine!" Does it matter who says what? No. Upshot is this ends with Savage suggesting that they fight right here, right now. Lucky for us, Hogan turns HIS mic on and says that Detroit isn't ready for a catfight. He says "sissy," "girl," and other assorted cool sexist and inappropriate words. And for an encore (somehow you knew there was an encore coming), Hogan "gives" Miss Elizabeth to Eric Bischoff - and the next thing you know, they're KISSING. And on the lips, too! Now Eric's got cooties! Savage: "Elizabeth, I got over you a LOOONG time ago! And Hollywood Hogan, I will NEVER get over you! And Piper, I'm damn sure not over you" and he clocks him. Leave it to Savage to get it going. As Piper returns the favour, we cut to the Gang of Five laughing their asses off. Those five would be Hogan, Disciple, Bischoff, Hart and Liz. OK. As Savage grabs a chair, we fade out.

The Awesome 3 discuss frames of mind, vis a vis the Hogan/Hart vs. Savage/Piper. Then, turning to Nitro, we are taken back to last week's Nitro, and clips of Mr. Jericho going to Washington. Switching to a clip of THUNDER! Jericho reads a codicile (I KNOW I'm spelling it wrong!) from the NWA rulebook while Dean Malenko gets angry and Silver King...just kinda stands around. Jericho: "Givittomegiviittomegivittomerightnow!" And Malenko gives it to him, on the chin. Hey, wouldn't it have been better to play these clips BEFORE the Jericho interview?

DISCO INFERNO v. DEAN MALENKO for the WCW Cruiserweight title - Now THAT'S an outfit on Inferno. I haven't seen that shade of chartreuse for a long, long time. Didn't Disco and Dean feud over a title a long time ago? Dean starts on Disco quickly but runs into a shoulderblock. Then Disco runs into a powerslam for 2. Whip into the ropes, back body drop by Malenko. Malenko tries for the Tejas Cloverleaf, but Disco grabs a rope quickly. To the corner, and Malenko is kicking away. Disco puts up an elbow, Dean stops running, but then runs into DI's foot. Disco with his swinging neckbreaker (!) 1, 2, no. Hey, wasn't that Disco's finisher? I guess not this week. Disco with a bodyslam and some dancing. Elbowdrop has style, but he's no Rocky. Atomic drop by Disco. Dean reverses a backslide and they're off to the races. Boot to the mush by Malenko. Malenko is trying for the Cloverleaf again, and succeeds this time. Tap out (2:22) - hey, why didn't that go longer? Malenko yells to the camera "JERICHO - RIGHT HERE!" which is a great show of emotion for him.

Hey, look, it's them three Nitro Girls! Tony says we're seeing a combination of the old Sting and the new Sting, as evidenced by that exciting interview we experienced earlier. I reserve judgement - I'm inclined to say I just want the old Sting back, but I'll wait and see.

Mug root beer wants YOU to send in YOUR Nitro Party tapes! And then YOU can be made a laughingstock in THIS column! And the foam will straight to YOUR brain!

When we come back, Hogan is TALKING again. Six ladies are with him, if you're counting. Hogan introduces his greatest find, the man who will bodyslam the world Hollywood like nobody ever has, it's - it's - it's SUPERSTAR SCOTT STEINER. I HATE being right. From the set of "Shadow Warriors," Hogan, Steiner, Carl Weathers, Shannon Tweed and a cast of thousands. That also means that we have to endure a sequel to "Assault on Devil's Island" and that we're still not out of the woods when it comes to "Shadow Warriors - the television series." Steiner walks in - and says not much. Then they toast.

This portion of WCW Monday Nitro is brought to you by Nintendo 64 Sports. More real than NITRO!

Goldberg - shirt - buy - shirt ...

Are you getting the feeling that the Goldberg match might be the main event tonight?

Goldberg video montage.

Crowd is chanting "Goldberg" - maybe.

PSYCHO CHAVO GUERRERO, JR. v. (bill "98-0") GOLDBERG for the WCW United States Heavyweight Title - Chavo is doing a montage of Warner Brothers cartoon characters on his way to the ring ("Be vewy qwiet - I'm hunting Goldberg! I have my Eddie shirt - and I'm going to hug it and love it and squeeze it...") - Goldberg's entrance is so awe-inspiring that the commentators actually SHUT UP for, oh, a good forty seconds while Goldberg tries really hard to light himself on fire with pyrotechnics. Chavo lunges at Goldberg, who catches him and throws him across the ring. Fallaway gutwrench suplex. Gorilla press and gutbuster slam. Chavo still motions to bring it on. Here comes the spear. Eddie has appeared at the entrance way and is laughing hysterically. Jackhammer, 1, 2, 3. (entrance 2:15, match 1:21) Goldberg is now 99-0 and I guess #100 won't be that big a deal after all.

Oh, and I guess Michael Buffer must have gone home too. Ha!

The Wolfpac theme howls over the PA and out they come, with an extra Wolfpac shirt. Oh yeah, I guess the main event is Page's decision. Tony once tries to hype the PR Department's major announcement - hey guys, the PR Department has NO PULL. No, really, they don't. No, I still don't believe you. Stop. No! Just stop. Rick Rude is absent this time, I notice. Nash: "It's now crunch. DDP, I know you're going to make the right decision tonight, so come on out, take the colours of the Wolfpac." "Smells like Self Hi-Five" plays over the loudpspeaker and Tony Schiavone meets DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE at the entrance way. "Feelin' a whole lotta love here in the Motor City - even from you Savage. You know Nash, you hopped off that black&white express, and got away from Hollywood "Scum" Hogan. You reminded me of the guy I used to go up and down the roads with. The guy who made me laugh - had a big heart. You showed that to me by taking K-Dawg with you - 'cause he was your boy there and he came with you - bang - and then you let Hennig in and even Savage, four of the greatest athletes on the planet, I see what you were doing. Man, when you got Lex Luger - that blew my mind. And when he brought Stinger in - well, if you want me now, man, makes me feel something right here, I can't believe I'm gonna do this. And there's nothing more important-" and what have we here? It's Hogan and Rodman waffling Page with STEEL chairs! And before we can find out his decision! Tenay: "Don't forget THUNDER! This Thursday on TBS!"

This is World Championship Wrestling!

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Copyright (C) 1998, 1999 Christopher Robin Zimmerman & KZiM Communications