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/27 July 1998

WCW Nitro




I GET LETTERS - Remember, I only include the negative letters because they get me more positive letters:

    Your reports are horrible. If I miss monday nights, I like to find out what happens. I like WWF and WCW. They both are entertainment. Why then do you feel like you need to bash one of the promotions? Just tell us what happened as a service and quit giving us all of the ridiculous personal input. I know I dont have to read it, as a matter of fact I probably won't anymore. Just thought I would let you know that we would like to hear the facts and then make judgements on our own.
I'm still trying to figure out who the "we" is up there. I also decided to quote this email in the Nitro report instead of the RAW report - I don't know why - probably because I'M BIASED.

I GET LETTERS II - I stole this from Chris Vickers, but I'm sure he would have given me permission to use it if only he'd gotten my response in time for this report:

    Doesn't it seem strange that, because a program is so terrible, one's cynicism could be mistaken for objectivity?
Yes it does, my friend. Yes, it does.

DISCLAIMER: My heart really wasn't in it this week. I catch a second wind in the third hour but I think I have an emotional condition which makes wrestling just not seem as fun this week. Could be the *lack of wrestling,* as we shall see...

Let Us Take You Back to last week - Hollywood Hogan blathers (rated TV-PG-DV), NWO Nightcap "highlights" (closed captioned), Buff Bagwell and Scott Steiner perpetrate a ruse on Rick Steiner, Scott Hall plays with a tape to mess with Kevin Nash's mind, resulting in a Black&White gangbang on Nash, Bret Hart causes Sting & Nash to lose the Tag Team titles to Hall & Giant, Bret Hart defeats an attacked-earlier-in-the-show Diamond Dallas Page to win the United States title. A voiceover (Scott Hudson?) talks about Hollywood Hogan's great plans last week. Ohhh, THAT'S what all that was. "Tonight - how will WCW respond?" More importantly, how will the Wolfpac respond? Did you just ask me "The who now?" On the plus side, seeing this video package ALMOST makes it look like somebody in the WCW power structure actually had a PLAN booking the show last week...

Live 27.7.98 from the Alamodome in San Antonio, Tejas, it's WCW Monday NITRO!

Hey look, it's the Nitro Girls! And they're wearin' shitkicker hats! Now they're doing their Rockette impersonations! Hah! WCW apparently things we need a "NITRO GIRLS" graphic to figure out that they're the Nitro Girls.

Your hosts are Tony Schiavone, Mike Tenay, and thelivinglegendLarry Zbyszko. We are promised Diamond Dallas Page tonight. We are promised a Goldberg interview tonight. And oh boy, Goldberg puts everything on the line against.....against....Brian Adams. Yes, friends, the #1 Contender is a guy I'd completely forgotten about.

Let's open up the festivities with some talking, shall we? Here's NWO HOLLYWOOD - well, most of them. While the magnificent seven take their sweet time walking to the ring, let's listen to Schiavone say "Jay Leno" a couple hundred times. Hall says "too" and the crowd says "sweet." SCOTT HALL asks Nash to stop crying so he won't have to puke. Hall lays down a challenge to the Wolfpac - eight-man tag maybe? I didn't get where he was going. Hall says they're packing all the gold - with he and Giant holding the tag straps and Hart the new US Champion, that leaves only one belt left (forgetting for the moment that there's a Cruiserweight title and also a TV Championship) - and now we turn to BRIAN ADAMS, who starts out by recycling the "nice warm cup of shut the hell up" line that was funny in "Happy Gilmore," slightly funny the first time Adams used it on Okerlund, and not terribly funny at all this time. Apparently, Adams has been touring Japan in support of his latest album. Tonight, he'll prove that Goldberg is a fluke. All I can think during Adams time is, hey, he doesn't have that goofy tattoo on his forehead anymore.

Tony reminds us that Goldberg will talk for the first time tonight. I have a feeling we'll hear that again...

"Highlight" of Eric Bischoff making a Jay Leno joke in his NWO Nightcap monologue.

This portion of Nitro: All Talk All The Time is brought to you by Valvoline! It's SLICK!

"Highlight" of Eric Bischoff making a Jay Leno joke in his NWO Nightcap monologue. If this sounds like deja vu, well, they need to bookend the ad breaks with SOMETHING.

Hey, in that ring, isn't that RAVEN? "They said things would be different when I got older, but they lied. In high school, I was despised, I was hated, and I was attacked for being different. It's no different now. I'm still hated, I'm still despised, and I'm still being attacked on a regular basis, whether it's Kanyon or Saturn or any other representative of society's norm. Well what about me? WHAT ABOUT RAVEN?" Out bounds SATURN with a mic of his own. "I'm so sick of hearing you cry. Come on! How tough was it being a spoiled rich kid? Come on, get up, and I'm gonna GIVE you something to cry about." Before Raven complies, in comes KANYON to attack Saturn, but he ends up getting dumped instead. Saturn turns to Raven, and as he puts him up in a Spicolli driver, Kanyon basically saves Raven's bacon by delivering a Flatliner on Saturn. Raven and the Flock walk away (oh didn't I mention the presence of Lodi, Horace and Sick Boy? I didn't? Probably because they did NOT A DAMN THING), Kanyon walks away, Saturn walks away. What have we learned?

BARBARIAN (with James Hart) v. HACKSAW JIM DUGGAN (with 2x4 and American flag) - wow, a MATCH! And only twenty minutes into the show! A match that could probably be a main event anywhere in the country. After the obligatory Jimmy Hart interference gone awry, Duggan gets the win with a rollup - and the fans are cheated out of the extremely lame Duggan kneedrop (2:40). HUGH MORRUS puts in an appearance to even the score, but before we can get anywhere with *that*, out comes MENG, who applies ye olde Tongane deathe gripe. When Barbarian tries to hit Meng from behind to break that hold, Duggan takes his 2x4 and whacks Barbarian. Now Duggan's offering a handshake and a trip to the Iron Shiek's house for some refreshments. Now Meng's politely declining with ANOTHER Tongan neck pinch. Who will save Duggan? Apparently no one...

We see a shot of the NWO Nightcap band, which can only bring us tears later tonight.

Promotional consideration paid for by Slim Jim, Motel 6, America (ha!) Online, and Ring Pops (Outrageous! Awesome! Cool!)

Raven shirt ad - hey, there's Reese! I thought his gimmick was bring reworked...

NWO Nightcap - the right reverend refers to this segment as "the most talked about segment on Monday Nitro." I guess they don't care if it's BAD publicity as long as it IS publicity. Well, LIZ looks good anyway. Bischoff does a Leno-esque "greet the crowd" move, and sneaks in a Flair "Woooo" (by accident?). Crowd noise is even more fake, just in case we weren't sure before. Eric Bischoff must have convinced somebody that this is actually SUPPOSED to be bad and not to worry when it just LOOKS bad on television. Because seven minutes isn't long enough, after the monologue Bischoff does some wacky newspaper shtick...just like that guy with that show at that late hour. Eric actually REJECTS a joke because in his mind it isn't funny enough (Food 4 Less ad touting "Fresh, Locally Grown ICE"). And because NINE minutes isn't long enough, there's a guest. And it's YOU KNOW WHO. He refers to himself as "the Almighty of Wrestling" before hitting the couch. Hogan wishes a happy birthday to Nick - hey, that's the same birthday as Triple H! Now we get a clip "courtesy the Tonight Show 23 July" - KEVIN EUBANKS & JAY LENO talk about "idiots" and it doesn't get edited out. This clip has a clip-within-a-clip of last week's Nitro (complete with WCW/NWO watermark). Eric refers to "Bizoff" and speculates that the fumes from Hogan's painted-on beard must be affecting his brain. Leno then makes some uncomplimentary comments which are kinda funny and WCW leaves them all in. Hogan accuses Leno of "walking on eggshells" and recommends that Leno stay away from Sturgis, which by a wild coincidence is the site of that great big Road Wild pay-per-view all the kids are talking about. Later on tonight, we are promised clips of Malone, and more surprises (which hopefully don't involve NWO Nightcap in any way, shape, or form). How many minutes of my life will I never get back due to this "wrestling" action? SEVENTEEN! SEVENTEEN FREAKIN' MINUTES!

Hey look, it's the Nitro Girls! Fyre's routine reminds me of a Fitness America pageant competition - not that I regularly watch those, mind you.

Nitro party, seemingly recorded at the local Hardee's. All right, it was a Pizza Hut. I'm sorry. I guess that one guy wasn't drinking a Mug Root Beer because WCW blocked it out (but it DID seem like the foam was going straight to his brain).

Gene O. brings out DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE, and while he walks to the ring, Tony, who has had to be nearly silent for nearly twenty minutes, feeds one of his addictions by letting us know Goldberg will talk for the first time later tonight! Okerlund asks Page who attacked him last week. Page calls "Hollywood 'Scum' Hogan" a sh<muted>. Hey, he can't say that word on TV! ESPECIALLY with the WCW! Page forgets his lines - or is he just working up some righteous indignation with all that huffin' and puffin'? I guess he's challenging Hogan to a match tonight. Page fails to address whether or not he'll join the Wolfpac.

Let's take a special Video Look at Dean Malenko and Chris Jericho - tonight we'll supposedly have a last match ever between the two.

Diamond Dallas Page shirt ad.

"TV-PG-DV" box reappears, which means it's time for the second hour. Do you also know what that means? WCW has set a new record for least amount of wrestling in an hour. (2:40)

I hear that NWO music again. Here's SCOTT HALL, SCOTT NORTON, and ... DUSTY RHODES? Hey, another guy I'd forgotten about. They storm the announce table. (Well, as fast as you can storm when Big Dust is with you, if you catch my drift.) Hall does some more talkin' about Kevin Nash, and says that since Nash doesn't have the [balls] guts, perhaps da Stinger could give him a match tonight. Big Dust has returned from another world, where Zbyszko sits in HIS seat, then produces a red bandana and says something about a "Texas gag order." Oh, I don't know. Hall once again does the funny business with Larry but nothing comes of it. Dusty apparently knows that the executive committee has demanded Larry stop interfering in NWO, like the time when...well...WHEN exactly has he done that this year? I WILL give props to Dusty for making it through his entire speech without once using the phrase "stand in counsel." Meanwhile...

SCOTT NORTON (with the American Dream) v. JIM NEIDHART - I blinked and missed it but I think a powerbomb was involved (:15). On the plus side, for the first time in about a million years, WCW correctly spells the Anvil's last name, placing the E before the I. Even during the replay, the commentators don't dare say that verboten word - "powerbomb." Oh yeah, somebody sponsored the replay, too. I know you're counting on me to tell you who it was, but I forgot. Sorry. Tell you what - I went back and checked the tape. It was the MasterLock "Lock of the Night." I'm glad I went back and checked, aren't you? You don't care? Ah, who needs ya.

Let's Take a Special Video Look at Goldberg. He's 120-0, you know. Who's next? Whose neck?

Later tonight, a special first time ever interview with Goldberg.

Backstage, Doug Dellinger knocks on the door of Goldberg's dressing room, where we'll follow him all the way from the dressing room to the ring. Whoops, no we won't - there's graffiti on the walls (identifying NWO Hollywood) and no Goldberg in that dressing room.

Gene Okerlund narrates the Starburst Fruit Chews Pin on a Map Road Report - next Monday Nitro will take place in Denver, Colorado! Need a boost? Give me some juice!

Fireworks! It really IS the second hour! But where's Goldberg?

BRET HART (in Blue Jays uniform) walks to the ring, US Title on the shoulder, and that cool fake smile on his face. He comes out to his theme, as he should - since he's not in the NWO as far as we know, right? Right? "Okay, I think a little congratulations are in order. You know I said back a few months ago...the wrestling profession has become a long, plastic hallway - a place filled with pimps and thieves and a place where good men die like dogs - until now. Chalk one up for the good guy - the excellence of execution - a guy that doesn't have any excuses. Dallas Page, take your sorry-ass excuses and remember one thing - either show up to fight, show up to win, or don't show up at all!" Hart gives the Boy Scout oath ("I promise to do my best...") for an encore. Hart turns to Sting, and says he doesn't have to apologise to him. Hart says that he HASN'T joined the NWO, out of respect for Sting. For some reason, the word "screwed" is muted out by the censors. Anyway, Hart said that he didn't want to get involved in last week's match, that Sting pressed the issues. The only thing wrong with wrestling is the fans, and Sting needs to realise that. "Sting - I'm your friend!" Commentators are skeptical.

CHRIS MONDAY JERICHO v. DEAN MALENKO in a Never Again match - Jericho comes to the ring in a kimono - well, why the hell not? Dean powerwalks to the ring, uncharacteristically NOT adjusting his wristbands in the process. Jericho dropkicks Malenko as he enters the ring and we start off on the outside. Pounding, and barricade meeting, Malenko thrown back in, Jericho climbs to the rop but Malenko kicks him on the way down. Now it's Malenko with the punches. Whip into the ropes but Jericho holds on and Malenko hits the canvas. Rollup for 1, reversal. Tony tells us exciting Rodman/Malone highlights later tonight. Malenko punches away and now there's a whip to the corner. Jericho reverses and sits Malenko on the top turnbuckle. Dean shakes him off, Jericho flips. Supersunset flip by Malenko but Jericho is up and trying for the Liontamer. Tony's trying to differentiate between a Boston Crab and a Liontamer - gag. Dean grabs the bottom rope. Jericho springboard dropkicks Malenko off the apron to the floor. Jericho follows up with a plancha, and since nobody's talking, we can probably get away with an ad break.

WCW will be in Beaumont, Baton Rouge, Alexandria, and Shreveport!

WCW Road Wild is 8 August! And Travis Tritt will be there!

1, 2, no! Jericho is still in control, though. Knife-edge chop (woooo!). Malenko with a high knee to take over. Into the corner, whip, reverse, reverse, foot up, gobehind, reverse, Malenko with a release suplex. 1, 2, no. This is too damn fast for me - and that's how I like to watch it! Running lariat by Malenko. Suplex - no, Jericho reverses into an inverted suplex. Lionsault! Jericho rolls him over but only gets 2. Jericho attempts a suplex, reverse, elbow, reverse, counter, Malenko with a double underhook into a (not) powerbomb. Texas cloverleaf attempt is on - yes it is! Jericho grabs the rope. Malenko with a bodyslam and he's climbing the ropes. Jericho runs the rope and crotches Malnko. Superplex attempt is countered with - well Tenay called it a DDT but it looked more like a faceslam. 1, 2, Jericho grabs the bottom rope just in time. Jericho rolls to the outside - and we see him putting on some knux. As Jericho walks in, Dean is stomping a mudhole into him - twice Malenko pushes away referee "Blind" Shooter Curtis, the second time poking him in the eyes. Malenko turns to the ref and Jericho winds up. Malenko ducks and hits a belly-to-back suplex - and Jericho drops the knux. Dean is happy to put them on his own fist and LEVEL Jericho. Of course, now Curtis sees the international object and disqualifies Malenko (9:21) - so the story goes, Malenko will not get another chance at Jericho again.

Gene Okerlund stands beside a door - the door to Goldberg's dressing room, in fact. Apparently, he is in there now and the interview will still be conducted, later in the show - I'm thinking, MAYBE in the third hour, maybe about ten minutes to the hour. Where was he? I must have missed the part where they explained that to me. Or maybe they just DIDN'T EXPLAIN IT AT ALL. You know, it's only a three hour show and they don't have the TIME for all this nattering about storylines and plot points.

Travis Tritt will see YOU at Sturgis! And then YOU can make fun of his outfit! AND his voice!

I was just thinking, wouldn't it be great if the Nitro Girls were out in the crowd? Why golly, there they are! While Kimberly molests a young fan, Bobby Heenan is introduced.

Travis Tritt smells T-R-O-U-B-L-E. Of course, if he'd change his diet, he wouldn't have to worry about that. Again, he'll see YOU at Sturgis!

You know, one of the things I really like about WCW is how they don't feel that they have to beat us over the head with mindless repetition. With that in mind, let's fire up that NWO theme...

CURTRICK HENNIGRUDE v. STEVE "MONDO" McMICHAEL - In a startling display of continuity (notice I didn't mispronounce it "consistency" this week), Tony reminds us that McMichael likes this shot because he feels that Hennig is responsible for the Horsemen's dissolution last year. Of course, Hennig has Rude in his corner now - so after a little interference, a pinfall is only a Hennigplex away. (1:38) Hey, whatever happened to Mongo's wife? The replay is sponsored by 1-800-COLLECT.

Send those Nitro Party tapes to the CNN Center! This week Tony butchers the Mug root beer tagline by leaving out the word "straight."

Closed captioning is sponsored by the Money Store, where mortgages are a way of life.

"Courtesy The Tonight Show July 24, 1998" Jay Leno invites Hulk Hogan out to apologise - Hulk looks a little shorter and older, why, almost like that isn't Hogan at all!

Travis Tritt left a little Voodoo Chili behind and we're hearing it now. Here's YOU KNOW WHO, accompanied by the standard compliment of the BOOTY DISCIPLE and CRACKA EAZY-E. Hogan provides the second instance of the word "ass" spoken on tonight's Nitro, proving that WCW may be warming up to naughty words. Hogan redeems himself by saying "butt" and "puke" later in the interview. Hogan promises to "ride [Page] real hard." Hogan says "4 life." So later tonight we get Page/Hogan. Well, it wasn't that bad the first time...

Let Us Take You Back to Bash at the Beach - Good lord, they're not going to show us the WHOLE match, are they? I say this because MICHAEL BUFFER is starting off this clip with his incredibly long introductions.

YOU KNOW WHO & DENNIS RODMAN v. DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE & KARL MALONE - Good Lord, they DO show us the whole match, commercial free, yet! What a colossal waste of my time. I fast-forwarded when I figured out I wasn't going to get anything new out of this. Segment takes (20:18) - funny, I remember it being even LONGER when it was on PPV. Goldberg is NEXT!

Another clip from the Tonight Show. Leno apologises to "Hollywood Hogan."

Get wired at! Spot the storyline inconsistencies bwetween now and the time this ad was taped, in this ad! I counted four without even paying attention. How many did YOU get?

Did that ad break seem extra long? Hey, they gotta make that ad money, you know - you can't just GIVE AWAY twenty minute blocks of commercial-free wrestling time!

Hour three has started with fireworks at the TV-PG-DV box. While Gene Okerlund babbles, GOLDBERG walks from his dressing room to the ring. Does anyone find it completely unnecessary to have a DOZEN security guys surrounding him? Man, that must have been some *vicious* graffiti! Entrance is a bit over two minutes. Gene does some more talking. And now, this historic interview:
Okerlund: 	You know, I saw your locker room back there, Goldberg,
		early on.  The authorities were in there.  I don't know
		WHAT was going through somebody's mind. 
Goldberg:  	You know I don't think anything was going through their mind. 
		I don't think they were even thinking about it.  You know I've
		been here and I've been observing what Hollywood Hogan and his
		cronies are trying to do to the WCW, from the bottom to the
		top.  And what they did to me tonight crosses that line.  And 
		what they did became personal to me. And let me tell you
		something, everybody that's been put in front of me - I've
Okerlund:  	One hundred twenty and oh!  
Goldberg:  	And it ain't gonna stop!  And tonight, I make an example out 
		of Brian Adams. Because Brian Adams - YOU'RE NEXT! 
Well, the earth didn't move, but I guess it wasn't bad.

Gene Okerlund brings out ARN ANDERSON to talk about a Horsemen reformation. Now HERE'S an interview. "Well, Gene, since Thursday a week ago a lot of people close to me have been asking me like 'why were you so hard on 'em? I'd give anything to be a Horseman!' I don't know how many people have run up to me in airports and said 'I would give *anything* to be a Horseman.' Well Dean, Mongo and Chris Benoit, who's all man home gettin' well right now...let me just say that I DID give anything, matter of fact I gave everything, and you didn't seem to hear me. You see you got personal, you wanted to throw friendships in there; well my best friend is sittin' home right now, and that's something personal to me. The fact of the matter is Dean, I was gonna let tonight be my barometer. I was gonna come out and assess thing, and I was gonna re-evaluate my thoughts. But I saw you go out here and lose to a man that you should never ever lose to because you're a better wrestler than that. I saw a man, Mongo, go out there, who's probably one of the most intense men I've ever seen in that ring - sure, Curt Hennig, maybe you are a better wrestler, but if you ever needed motivation Mongo, tonight was the night because this whole spiralling down of the Horseman started with Curt Hennig. If you needed motivation, just hear that cage door slamming like I've woke up in the middle of the night for the past year and a half, hearing it, EVERY night, waking up in a cold sweat. The fact is, you want me to hook MY horse to a cart that's only got two wheels and one broken wheel. The fact is, I'm gonna say it one more time. I've ASKED you, let it be. Now I'm TELLING ya, let it be."

Promotional consideration paid for by David sunflower seeds, Dan Marino's Casa de Mortgages, Mead ***** School Supplies, and Compu$erve.

Travis Tritt is Road Hard, Road Fast and Road Wild. And that's another Road PPV ad.

Tony says that footage from Bash at the Beach WAS edited. I guess that's why it seemed a bit shorter. Well, not edited nearly enough...speaking of which, is that why this segment goes less than two minutes before the next ad break?

This part of WCW Nitro is brought to you by the PlayStation, where you can play WWF WarZone!

The WCW Power Plant is Harvard. Isn't that what they said?

SCOTT HALL v. (THIS IS) STING - We now interrupt Monday Gabfest with a wrestling match. Imagine that. Somebody decides it'd be a great idea to invite Jay Leno to Road Wild. No comment is necessary. It's all Sting to start, so Hall rolls out. When he comes back in, he asks for the test of strength - as Sting starts to comply, Hall pokes his eyes. Hall has his way with Sting, culminating in a fallaway slam for 2. Hall is giving Sting the ragdoll treatment - and let's face it, being the punching bag IS what Sting does best. Chop (woooo!) by Hall. Whip, reversal, Stinger splash. Another Stinger splash. A third, in a different corner. Scorpion Death Drop comin' up. Well, here's BRET HART just as Sting puts on the Sharpshooter. I wonder what will happen here. Sure enough, Sting breaks the hold and leaves the ring to discuss politics with Hart. He actually gets to punch Hart a few times before suffering a beatdown at the hads of CURT HENNIG & VINCENZO. For some inexplicable reason, referee "Blind" Billy Silverman ignores all of this and counts Sting out for a win for Scott Hall (3:09). Of course, THE NARCISSIST and KEVIN NASH are out to rescue Sting. Hart is sitting in the corner, content to watch. Just as Nash is set to powerbomb Hall, Hall hits Nash in a rather sensitive area. Now we've got four on the floor and Hart is picking up Sting, who fortunately has his trick knee act up and groinkick Hart. Now Sting is trying to put Hart in the Sharpshooter but Hart squirts out and walks away. Sting shouts loud enough for us to hear "..." well, I didn't hear it because Tony was talking over him.

Dok Hendrix hypes ticket sales for RAW is WAR in San Jose 14 September - tickets go on sale Saturday! Oh, that was a local cable drop-in so don't go making any weird assumptions, silly.

Let Us Take You Back to last week's Nitro, where Buff Bagwell and Scott Steiner perpetrate the Ultimate Swerve on Rick Steiner. Buff miraculously recovers and takes the chair to Rick.

Gene O. interviews SUPERSTAR SCOTT STEINER, who wheels out BUFF BAGWELL. After stopping to pose, Bagwell's wheelchair rolls down the ramp and crashes at the bottom. Steiner rushes to Bagwell's aid and tearfully asks if he's okay. Bagwell staggers to his feet - and then delivers a Buff pose. Steiner congratulates Bagwell on his performance of three weeks ago in his hometown with his mother, his performance of two weeks ago where he kept a straight face while Hogan pushed over his wheelchair, and his performance of last week where he suckered Rick with a big hug. Steiner runs down his brother until J.J. DILLON comes out and lectures Bagwell about taking advantage of the fans' goodwill, and that if Scott wants a match with Rick, well, he'll do whatever it takes to get that match signed for Road Wild.

Another Road Wild/Travis Tritt ad.

Did I forget to mention that Tuesday night TNT is going to show "Assault on Devil's Island" again? That Shannon Tweed makes me feel all tingly inside.

(bill "120-0") GOLDBERG v. #1 CONTENDER BRIAN ADAMS (with Vincenzo) for the WCW World Heavyweight Championship - you may think that this is a replay of Goldberg walking from his dressing room to the ring, but no, we're just being treated to another exciting installment of "Walkin' Goldberg." I predict an ad break right after Goldberg hits the ring. I'm wrong. Goldberg turns his back to face Vincent - and Adams attacks from behind. He drops his throat on the top rope, then lets loose with a shoulderblock from the top. 1, 2, no. Big right hands from Adams. Suplex - 1, 2, no. "Goldberg" chant seemingly starts from nowhere. Adams picks up Goldberg, but he counters and drops Adams. Sloppy spear. Vincent comes in and HE gets speared (that looked better). Whip, another spear (doesn't look much better - must be Adams' fault). Jackhammer coming up - 1, 2, 3. (entrance 2:44, match 1:34) Let's take an ad break!

Ten minutes to go...somebody refried the Voodoo Chili, but then we remembered that MICHAEL BUFFER was here, so we had to cut the music and let him do his spiel first. Buffer includes a brief Konnan impersonation for the San Antonio fans. Seven minutes to go as Hogan makes his entrance. Hogan appropriates several signs from ringside fans to make his points. Who's making all these pro-Hogan signs, I ask you? Page makes his entrance with five minutes left...hey, how come he doesn't use that cool music he used at Bash at the Beach instead of that Nirvana ripoff? Buffer says DDP is a member of "no organization." Lies! Four minutes to go...

YOU KNOW WHO (with Booty Disciple) v. DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE - Hogan stomps on Page while he's trying to enter the ring. It's all Hogan. Hogan pulls off the tape and chokes away. Now Page blocks a punch and fires back with one of his own. Now Hogan's in the corner and Page is punching and kicking. Elbow to the head. Hogan regains control with an eyepoke. Rack of the back by Hogan. Back suplex by Hogan. 1, 2, no. Three minutes to go! Hogan punching away, now to the chinlock. Page pulls Hogan's beard (!) but Hogan is out of the way. Knee to the back. Chop (woooo!) by Hogan. Punch to the head. Whip and a throat shot by Hogan. 1, 2, kickout. Bodyslam by Hogan. Elbowdrop misses. Page is up, right, left, right, discuss lariat (says Tenay), clothesline (supposed to take Hogan to the outside but it doesn't happen), stomps Hogan outside the ring. They're both out now. Attempted doubleteam with the Disciple (who Hogan calls "Brutus") to get Page to the barricade but it doesn't work. Page takes shots at both men and comes out on top. One minute to go and Hogan is begging off in the ring. Right by Page. Whip, reversal, HUGE lariat in the corner by Hogan. Hogan with a right, into the ropes, big foot by Hogan. Hogan's cupping his ear to the crowd. Hogan picks up Hogan for another bodyslam, but Page reverses and hits the Diamond Cutter. As if on cue, here's CURT HENNIG and SCOTT NORTON to bring on the DQ (4:16). Now here's SCOTT HALL. Now here's the WOLFPACK. Hey, for no reason, let's just bring out GOLDBERG. I'm thinking we're desperately out of time, 'cause Tony keeps saying it. Just when it gets good (Giant chokeslams Goldberg), they cut out. I think we weren't supposed to see Goldberg actually hit the canvas but we did. You know that was the ol' dark match, right?

Oops, I forgot to use the phrase "anti-Semitic" this week - I'll try to sneak it in next week. Like I said, an off week for me. See you next week!

[slash] wrestling



Copyright (C) 1998, 1999 Christopher Robin Zimmerman & KZiM Communications