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/21 September 1998

WCW Nitro




We open with the TV-PG-DV box and SCOTT HALL staggering in, complaining to DOUG DILLINGER (Closed Captioned) about "somebody wrecked my car." The implication, of course, being that he's drunk off his ass. In case you don't get it, Hall hands Dillinger a brown paper bag through which the clinking of glass is audible. Get it yet? Ok.

LIVE from the Fleet Center in Boston, MA 21.9.98 it's WCW Monday Nitro! Your hosts are Tony Schiavone, Mike Tenay, and thelivinglegend Larry Zbyszko. Ric Flair is in the building! Ric Flair is in the building!

Hey look, it's the Nitro Girls!

The Treacherous Three talk - well, Larry says something about Dusty Rhodes and the gag order, forgetting that that angle hasn't shown any advancement for about two months (Big Dust's busy on the TNN Metal Madness circuit, no doubt). The upcoming PPV Halloween Havoc features a main event of Diamond Dallas Page vs. Goldberg for the title, to which I say "Happy Rosh Hashanah!"

EERIE SMOKE fills the ring, and when it clears, we see what appears to be the BOOTY DISCIPLE face down in the middle of the ring. It only takes a moment for YOU KNOW WHO to come out with the rest of NWO HOLLYWOOD to collect his friend - but no sooner is he there, than the eerie smoke once again fills the ring - and when it's gone, so is Disciple. A voice cries out "Up here, Speed Racer - Hogan - speak to me Waryrs!" and there's the Batsignal, and up in the rafters is MR. DESTRUCITY himself - but *he's* got Disciple next to HIM (which makes me think that first one was probably Renegade - har!) This will probably be the last week I have the patience to transcribe this guy's - "words" - so enjoy it, kids. "As you have said, Hogan, there has been running - over here, Hogan!" (Hogan finally sees him.) "This has nothing to do with him! Give me my Disciple back, Warrior! Tell you what, if you've got any guts..." and he challenges him to come on down. "This has everything to do with you, Hogan! And as you say, there has been running - you've been running to hide, while I've been running to reappear..." and I've been running for president (I need the free - never mind.) "The power of the Waryr bows to nothing or no one! I, Hogan, have been running to reappear - to start, as I will tonight, take from you all the possessions which you believe have value in your life, and tonight Hogan, I start with what you believe is your most committed follower - the Disciple. As you can see, Hogan, he kneels beside me for he has not yet been instilled with the power of the Waryrs. [Actually, he's unconscious.] But I want you, Hogan, to keep a close eye throughout this evening for the OWN revolution broadens its scope, while the plot of Halloween Havoc thickens, and I can guarantee you, Hogan, you, and all you worship will feel the power of the Waryrrrrrrrrr."

You know, I was thinking, how could they make this angle LESS interesting for me - I've got it! Involve the Disciple! I guess I should note that Hall wasn't out with NWO Hollywood - sure.

This portion of WCW Monday Nitro is brought to you by Valvoline! Used by guys who love to get lubed!

Opening credits (eleven minutes late).

BARRY STINKIN' DARSOW v. FIT FINLEY - Oh boy! Darsow! I must admit I'm glad to see his hair's growing out - it must be a HALF INCH long now! Finley's done some weed-whacking to his own hair as well. This should be a barn burner...well... Lockup, to the ropes, clean break (?). Both men talking trash. Knucklelock, Darsow goes behind, Finley arm wringer to counter. Finley wrenches the arm until Darsow goes down - leg in the ropes, break. Lockup, Darsow knee, another shot. Darsow with an arm wringer of his own. Finley counters with a knee to the gut. European forearm. Arm wringer, whip, Darsow knocks him down instead. Both men up, lockup, Finley goes behind and applies the nerve pinch. Finley pulls back on his head and elbows him in the schnoz. European forearms. Shoulderblock. Snapmare takeover followed by an elbow for 2. Darsow gets up quick and gets in a shot. Now he's choking Finley on the top rope. Darsow with a snapmare and a doublethrust. Another choke on the top rope for the 4 count. Whip by Darsow, Finley ducks the clothesline but Darsow manages a droptoehold after a brief struggle. Chinlock by Darsow, Finley squirts out, elbow, another elbow. Whip, head down, Darsow strikes. Piledriver attempt is countered with a back body drop by Finley. Tombstone! 1, 2, 3. (3:45) Commentators were busy talking about Flair and called only the finish, and that's about it. Finley lets us know that he's back, and he's still cheerful.

Last week, Ric Flair returned to WCW - Let Us Take You Back to last week and a clip of Flair's Interview of the Year. This week, in this clip, the muted words are "damn," "dammit," and all the other naughty words were edited away. They also took away the coolest part which was Flair going "Fire me! I'm already fired! Fire me! I'm already fired!" but we get the gist of it. Of course, they leave ERIC in the clip.

Let Us Take You Back to Earlier Tonight, where smoke filled the ring and also Got In Your Eyes. They don't give us a good look at the Ring Disciple this time so I can't figure out who it is (I'm sure it's Renegade). I also have to say that although a lot of people have written me saying they've seen it and it's obvious, I have not once seen the trapdoor in the ring. But then, I also have to say that I'm not looking very hard. I just noticed during this clip that Hogan is *mouthing along with Warrior* while he's talking. He has Bischoff-itis! They've got to DO something about that.

NICK DINSMORE v. WRATH (OF A WOMAN SCORNED) - It's too easy to say "Who the hell is Nick Dinsmore?" so I won't. It's times like this, watching a jobber match on a Monday night, sitting at a computer like an Internet geek, where I have to stop and wonder if I'm not just wasting my entire life - watching it all slip away right before my eyes. Yes sir, I can recall the times when my potential was limitless - and they weren't that long ago! Now I have the potential but I just don't CARE - I just don't have any inclination at all to make myself better - to make my WORLD better. Oh, Wrath won. (2:12) That Meltdown must be popular - I saw Mark Cantebury using it last night on Heat!

Clip of last week's introduction by Arn Anderson of Ric Flair.

Promotional consideration paid for by Slim Jim, Motel 6 7/8, Lean Pockets, Moen kitchen faucets, and Tootsie Caramel Apple Pops.

Here's a Special Video Look at Goldberg and Diamond Dallas Page - which, by an amazing coincidence, would also happen to be the two headliners in the Main Event at Halloween Havoc. Or is it the Main Event? Anyway, it's the WCW/NWO World Title now, you know. No comment. Halloween Havoc is the 25th of October.

RICK FULLER v. RICK STEINER (without Ted DiBiase) in a "Winner gets to keep being called 'Rick' match" - we get a shot of Shawn Stockman from Boyz II Men - and when you think about it, it IS so Hard To Say Goodbye To Yesterday. May I say Rick Steiner's new music is a G'n'R ripoff - oh, EVERYBODY knew that. The big rematch for Havoc between the two Steiners will be no-DQ. Bulldog (:58). Rick grabs the mic and calls to Scotty - he claims he's about 9000-0 against his brother and Halloween Havoc will be 9001. And Bagwell's (who he keeps calling a "girl" for some reason) next trip to the ambulance will be for real, for sure, and for ever. Or something.

MANIACAL LAUGHTER emanates from the PA. I'm so excited, I just can't hide it.

Lee Marshall narrates the Starburst Pin on a Map Road Report - Norfolk, Virginia and the Scope will be Thursday's site of THUNDER!

Somebody's cooked up the Voodoo Chili which must mean it's time for another segment of fun with YOU KNOW WHO (accompanied by CRACKA EAZY-E, VINCENZO, and STEVIE RAY). Tony says we could see the Warrior at any time - oh boy. Hogan calls out Warrior again. After a fun light trick - Warrior appears at the ramp entrance and asks Hogan to come get him - Hogan complies, but the entryway has filled with eerie smoke - Bischoff can't overact enough while "choking." Hogan, Bischoff and Ray continue to walk to the hals - and get to Hogan's dressing room - where there is some graffiti - Warrior's logo with "OWN" written on it - oh, and it's flaming. No, it's not gay, it's on FIRE. Hogan throws a chair at a mirror, which does not break. Good thing, too, that'd be seven years of bad luck (or in my case, seven years of this angle continuing). Meanwhile, in the bathroom lies the prone figure of the BOOTY DISCIPLE. Next thing you know, off camera, someone has let loose with a fire extinguisher, obstructing our view. When the "smoke" clears, Disciple is gone again. Does ANYBODY find this entertaining?

A clip entitled "HORSEMEN REUNITED" show Flair hugging the other Horsemen.

Let Us Take You Back to Raven demanding the Flock return to him, and Saturn pumping them up until they leave.

LOS DOS VILLANOS v. RAVEN & KANYON - wow, not only do I get to see Villano IV & V, but one of them speaks some ENGLISH to me on the way to the ring! Yeah! Too bad I have to listen to English from the other two. "Raven's got something to say, so SHUT UP!" "Loyalty is dead. I gave, and I gave, and I gave to the Flock, and they repaid me with their desertion. For the crimes perpetrated against Raven by the Flock, somebody has to pay. Quote the Raven, nevermore-" and he waffles 'em. Next thing you know, one is thrown out and the other - holy crap. Kanyon picked him up for a powerbomb, but Raven had him in the neckbreaker at the same time - only they weren't quite in sync, and the man's neck just got UGLY as it hit the canvas. Nick Patrick immediately calls for the bell (:48) and trainer DANNY YOUNG is out to see if he's gonna move. Several replays from several nausea-inducing angles. This was NOT a work.

We cut to the Treacherous Three as applause starts up in the audience - this hopefully means that all his limbs are moving. He's up - it is Villano IV. He is walking, very gingerly. Hopefully he'll fight another day.

Let Us Take You Back to Earlier Tonight, where Disco Inferno doesn't appear to be able to make weight for his Cruiserweight title shot later tonight - he's just over 225. We see him hitting the Exercycle - he has two hours.

Live WCW action comes to Utica, Norfolk for THUNDER!, Baltimore, and Fairfax!

Hour TWO TV-PG-DV FIREWORKS about eight minutes of wrestling in the last hour TONIGHT Hall & Ray vs. Nash & Luger, Horsemen appear, and other fun things - but more importantly...

ALEX WRIGHT is out to act German - and after ranting in German, he starts talking in English to us dumb Americans. "I'm gonna speak realllllly sloooow." Funny! "I'm sick of this country! I'm sick of all you people! I'm sick of WCW! And there's one specific American wrestler that disgusts me! Your people's Champion - DDP!" Wright says that if DDP never turns down a challenge, he'll come out right now and put his title shot at Halloween Havoc on the line, AND HE WILL ENJOY IT. Thank GOD for Diamond Dallas Page - he's the People's Champion and he won't stand for that guff. Oh wait, first he has to run through the crowd.

DAS TANZENKIND ALEX WRIGHT v. DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE for the #1 Contendership - Wright immediately kicks a mudhole in Page as he enters the ring. Great dropkick from Wright. Even BETTER missile dropkick from the top rope from Wright! Too bad he doesn't have a chance in hell of winning. European uppercuts. Whip, reverse, suplex, Wright flips out, Diamond Cutter, oh I guess that's it. 1, 2, 3. (1:27) Total offensive moves in this match - Wright: 25 Page: 1

MEAN GENE OKERLUND must get the first hour off - he's in the ring to talk to Page. Crowd starts up a "Goldberg" chant which seems to piss off Page. Well, too damn bad. Page calls Goldberg "the Phenom." Hey, we all know that only Superfly Jimmy Snuka is the Phenom. What's REALLY interesting is that this interview is taking longer than the previous match. Well, it isn't THAT interesting, but it sure beats me listening to me type out a nervous breakdown. Gene says something in Hebrew for Rosh Hashanah.

Mug Root Beer party video foam goin' straight to their brain didn't even include their names pool Mean Gene Burgers Superior Michigan whatever

Hey look, it's the Nitro Girls!

The WCW Power Plant is the Harvard of

Closed captioning (where available) sponsored by Jim Palmer's house of mortgages.

Let Us Take You Back to Last Week where the Cat does a poor man's Mohammed Ali. And we're ALL a little poorer from it. By the way, he's a three-time World Karate Champion.

LENNY LANE v. THREE-TIME WORLD KARATE CHAMPION THE CAT (without Mr. Lister) - Tenay shills boxing on TNT tomorrow night while we're waiting for the intros. Actually, I'm waiting for this match to be over. Man, wouldn't it be cool though if Lane won? Cat gives Lane five seconds to leave the ring, and Lane complies - oops, that won't work. Cat offers to shake hands, and of course he flattens him with a kick. Lane manages a surprise 2 after Cat stops to tell us all he's the Real Deal, but that's it for that. Anyway, this match is completely ignored as SCOTT HALL comes out to do some drunk shtick - and later, DUSTY RHODES comes out to collect him. Hall at least wore his Tag Team Title belt on right-side up this week. Rhodes is speaking out of accent in order to make us think it's not a work. But let's give credit, this is pretty good acting - certainly better than that crap Hogan and Bischoff make us suffer through every week. Pin for the Cat after some sort of deadly karate kick (2:46). While "I'm the greatest!" is said many times, we take a look at the Snickers replay.

Apparently, Disco Inferno, even now, is STILL working out. I hope that's fake sweat. Weighing time - he made it! Of course, he's probably too tired to wrestle, but...

More Maniacal Laughter is played. And on a completely unrelated note, Bobby Heenan is out to join the commentatary team.

Let Us Take You Back to Fall Brawl, where Chris Jericho had a match with "Goldberg" which was actually pretty funny, but had no business on a card people had to pay to get on TV.

Let Us Take You Back to last Monday's Backstage Blast, where Jericho talked to Jimmy Barrett (who?) - "I was amused as well by Goldberg himself claiming to be the fighting Champion that everyone thought he was - that's why he was facing Al Greene, that's why he was facing Scott Putski...Jericho 1, Goldberg 0..." and he left to catch a flight before he could offer a rematch.

JERRY FLYNN v. (perry) SATURN - Tony calls Saturn "a man's man" - what, like Steve Regal? Heenan mentions broken fingers, even though ZERO of Saturn's fingers are currently taped. Oh well. Saturn conveniently arranges a table, allowing Flynn to do a nice pescado. That's about all Flynn did in this match, although he's a "star on the rise." The problem with Saturn matches is they seem to go on FOREVER. That's nice if you really think people can get pushes by going x minutes with Saturn, then scoring a win on the following THUNDER! (see Mike Enos), but it don't really work. Or does it? Who knows, I don't suppose you read my columns to hear some other guy's opinions, so it's a good thing I'm me. The me-est me I ever me could be! It's a week to ramble, isn't it. Flynn, on the outside, kicks the STEEL ringpost - funny spot. Flynn actually puts Saturn on the table, but Saturn manages to get off the table before anything interesting happens. Flynn again kicks the post. Flynn's back hits the post. Flynn is on the table. Saturn swandives from the top turnbuckle to the floor and splashes Flynn through the table (Public Enemy was off this week, see) - and we can only hope that the Spicolli driver will signal an end to this match. 1, 2, 3. (6:05) By the way, I realise how hypocritical of me it is to complain about only eight minutes of wrestling in the first hour, then complain about a six minute match being too long, but try to look at it from my point of view.

Let Us Take You Back to Last Week where Scott Hall is the victim of a BRUTAL - intervention!

Monday Jericho T-shirt ad - "Jericho-holics Anonymous" spot has Jericho in shadows and distorted voice. Never in my life have I bought a wrestling T-shirt (r.s.p-w convention shirts don't count) - but I just might plunk down a $20 for this one. No, I won't.

SUPERSTAR SCOTT STEINER & BUFF BAGWELL continue the Cavalcade of Jobbers & Interviews - Steiner has enough mic time to choke a horse - gist of it is that Boston sucks. Yes, that DOES mean a lot of Bill Buckner jokes. Finally, Steiner turns to Bret Hart, asking him where he stands. After calling him out, BRET HART does indeed reappear. Before anyone has to say anything, Bagwell and Steiner are giving Hart a manly beatdown. (THIS IS) STING makes the save - so do we all get it now? Hart's a face! To put an exclamation point on this entire segment, RICK STEINER meets his brother as he's leaving. Scott runs after taking a bit of a pounding.

Promotional consideration paid for by Jolly Time popcorn, Total Hair Fitness for Men, David sunflower seeds, America (ha!) Online, and Tootsie Treats

This portion of the WCW Monday Nitro ad fest is brought to you by M&M candies!

Vinny Pazienza is in attendance, which gives Tenay one more chance to shill pro boxing on TNT tomorrow night.

(billy) KIDMAN (new music, but no graphic) v. DISCO INFERNO (sweaty & tired) for the WCW Cruiserweight Title - Kidman with a dropkick to start - 1, 2, no. Outside, slingshot back in with a legdrop for 2. Kidman stomps away. Disco, you see, is realllly tired. Forearm uppercut, some kicking. Whip into the opposite corner, lariat for 2. Disco rakes the face to finally come alive. Head to the top turnbuckle. Headlock, Kidman powers out but Disco hits a shoulderblock. Back and forth, Disco runs the ropes but tuckers out and crumples to the canvas. Kidman stomps on him for 2. Disco rolls out of the ring to take a breather. Kidman hits a pescado for his troubles. Thrown back in, Kidman headbutts him in the gut, then hits a slingshot rana for 2. Snapmare by Kidman into the reverse chinlock. Disco fights back to his feet, elbows out but gets a knee in the gut. Kidman with a scoop slam. Kidman with a second rope guillotine legdrop. 1, 2, kickout. Boot to the head by Kidman. As Disco is whipped into the corner, putting up a boot to block, let's take an ad break.

As the TV-PG-DV ratings box lets us know we're in the third hour, we see Kidman scale the ropes and hit a splash for 2. LODI is out with a sign saying "LODI'S LOST WITHOUT RAVEN" Okay, we've got "LODI NEEDS THE RAVEN!" We've got "WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO NOW" - here's "FLOCKLESS NITRO = BAD IDEA" And now, "KIDMAN LET'S GO FIND RAVEN" Lodi's sufficiently distracted Kidman and Disco hits his jumping piledriver. Both men out - Disco manages to get Kidman to the center of the ring - 1, 2, no. Kidman in the corner and Disco is kicking away. Scoop slam - dancing (now THAT'S a second wind!), fistdrop, but only 2. Disco to the second rope - kneedrop attempt fails. Kidman swings, duck, Disco picks him up but Kidman flips - to the corner, bulldog as he swings out - 1, 2, no. Whip, Kidman puts his head down and Disco hits a swinging neckbreaker for 2. Both men up slowly. Disco's gonna try another piledriver, but Kidman continues his momentum and hits a faceslam on his way down. 1, 2, kickout. Disco hits an atomic drop. Kidman ducks the clothesline and hits a powerbomb. Kidman to the top - shooting star press! 1, 2, 3. (10:42) Good match - let's try it next time without the "WTF?" Disco angle.

Maniacal laughter plays again.

Call for Nitro Party tapes. The foam's gone straight to the Brain!

Hey look, it's the Nitro Girls! TYGRESS gets a solo dance. I bet that isn't her real name.

Let's Take A Special Video Look at Ric Flair and the Four Horsemen.


WCW/NWO Magazine ad. For exciting pictures of the PPV from three months ago, buy the WCW/NWO Magazine!

PSYCHO CHAVO BANDOLERO (with Pepe) v. KONNAN - Did K-Dog say "Boricuas?" Chavo gets the mic and reminds us that he's Raza too. Then he does all the Konnan crowd calls and the crowd complies. Then he asks if he can be black & red, Konnan shakes his head. Chavo says he'll go over his head and ask Nash, which makes Konnan unhappy. Then Chavo pushes him, so Konnan levels him with a clothesline. Somersault clothesline. Seated dropkick. Chavo runs outside and consults with his stickhorse. Back in at 7. Konnan with a kick, slap, toss. Chavo with a kick and an arm drag, and a Mexican armdrag and then a nice Konnan impersonation. Knife-edge chops (woooo!) by Konnan. Chavo manages a kick on the knee, nice elbow drops, and then rides his stick horse around the ring. Kick to the head. European uppercut, chop (woooo!), whip, reverse, Konnan lifts him and lets him fall to the canvas. To the corner, whip out, reverse, Konnan catapults a diving Chavo to the turnbuckle. Generic submission hold by Konnan, now it's a hold Tenay doesn't know the name of. Me either. Chavo fights back with some punches. Flying clothesline into the corner by Chavo. Whip and a dropkick by Chavo for 2. Snapmare into the chinlock. Commentators talk about Horsemen, then decide to take an ad break.

When we come back, nothing's happened (apparently). Chavo's got him in a - what is that, a surfboard? Thanks, Mike. Kicks to the back. Chop (woooo!), chop (woooo!), to the corner, whip out, Konnan steps aside and Chavo headbutts the ringpost, then goes outside. Konnan takes him to the barricade, then grabs a chair and gives him a chairshot (referee "Blind" Mickey Jay lets it go, calmly continuing his count). Chavo taken to the STEEL steps. Back'n'forth on the outside, now they're back in. Arm wringer by Konnan, but Chavo fires back. Konnan with a bulldog. 1, 2, kickout. Konnan with the faceslam for 2. Once again, commentators talk about Eddie Guerrero's Bischoff-induced tour of Japan without mentioning that Bischoff sent him on his daughter's birthday. Does NO ONE at least run these angles by the commentators after the fact? If I mention this TWO weeks in a row, can the WCW lackey filter a message up to the idiot commentators? Oh yeah, Tequila Sunrise for the submission - who cares. (10:44)

Let Us Take You Back to last week - Eric Bischoff sends Eddie Guerrero to Japan on his daughter's birthday after Eddie asked for the night off. A fact which is COMPLETELY missed by the commentators, it is. They must be doing this on purpose to make me feel smart or something.

Dean Malenko "Eyes of Ice" T-shirt ad.

The "NWO Nitro" theme plays which much mean that CRACKA EAZY-E is going to get some interview time. Oh boy! Out with him is LIZ, so at least I've got someone to watch while he talks. I think I can make out her nipples! Eric says a lot of ironic things that are supposed to work the smarts, so I think I won't bother transcribing any of it. Turning to Ric Flair, Eric says that since Arn didn't win the big arm wrestling match at THUNDER!, while Flair CAN appear, he sure can't do any wrestling. Apparently, the Horsemen have a new theme, which interrupts Eric's closing remarks. THE FOUR HORSEMEN (all five of them!) appear out of the entryway. Flair in front, the four in back. Doug Dillinger and security block the way to the ring, however. Dillinger and Flair have a staredown while Bischoff does his Andy Kaufman "I'm from Hollywood" impersonation. Dillinger - steps aside! - and Flair continues to the ring. Of course, this infuriates Bischoff. Flair grabs a mic. "As bad -" nobody is sitting "Let me see if I understand the President of WCW - he said Ric Flair wasn't here tonight, he's lied again! Somewhere along the line, he said the Horsemen are dead, ya lied again! Because if I'm not mistaken, there's an All-Pro tackle with a Super Bowl ring, who's 6-5 and 280 and he's a Horseman. There is the man of a Thousand holds, who had a choice in life, that came to him and came to me and said 'Ric Flair, blow by Bischoff - stand up! Be a man, Ric Flair, be a Horseman again!' and I am. Now, let's talk about the guy that probably wants to beat you up as bad as I do, but because tonight we're gonna talk to you, Bischoff, no one gets hurt. Then, let's go to the Enforcer, who on a bad day, woulda rolled you up tighter than (no idea), smoked ya, and stepped on ya like a roach, because you - have abuse of power! You [removes coat] - you - no, I don't hit executives in Nike tennis shoes, blue jeans, and an NWO shirt, I laugh at 'em." Bischoff points at his own chin and dares Flair to fire away. "Yes, I want it - and she wants Space Mountain - but it ain't gonna happen tonight." [dance step] "As a matter of fact, I'm not gonna punch you tonight, because I don't have another two million bucks - that's the only reason that you're not picking your teeth up right now! Now, let's talk about the realities of YOU telling ME - YOU - that I couldn't take my ten year old son - MY ten year old son to a National wrestling tournament, that he won by the way - you telling me 'you can't do that, you gotta go to Tallahassee' - SUCK IT! In my proudest moment, in my son's proudest moment, he goes to school a National Champion to have our next door neighbour tell him that I'M fired by YOU? Is that right, Mr. Selective Memory? You're talking to ME? Telling me that I haven't got the story right? The story goes like this - we are too GOOD - you are too bad. So you say, there can't be Horsemen! They're too good! Flair's too old? I say Flair's too good - not too old! No, I didn't save my money - I spent it! But I made it! Look at me! I made it by going up and down the highways and being the very best I could be every night - ask them! You are sittin' on a big contract because of guys like me, and him, and him, and Hall, and Luger, and Sting, and Dusty Rhodes, we carried the business you're living off the top of it - we made it. We made it. You walk out here - do you think - you think these people here are here because of YOU? Or are they here because they love the greatest company in the world - WCW! And that's us! Not you! And I'm tired of hearing how in front of twelve hundred people a night, hell, there were twelve hundred girls like her at every party - not twelve hundred in the building. We got on a jet airplane, and we sold out from one end of the world to the other, while you were in the bathroom buying your first condom, pal! Woooo! Well apparently the Boston Bruins are back in town, woooo! You know what's wrong with you? Space Mountain - the oldest ride in the park. You know what the problem is? It's still got the longest line, Jack, woooo! [pelvic thrust to Liz] Hey, and while you're puffing your chest out, why don't you tell the world who introduced you to Hulk Hogan, nobody?" Eric accuses Ric of trying to rise up to Hogan and not measuring up. "Oh my God, do you hear that, Lord? You mean to tell me, a guy that travelled around the country, going on fourth, before intermission to beat the crowd, was really the World Champion? He was drinking his first beer, I was taking my first breath, you got it, it's just like that! And Hogan, wherever you are [Riverdance] the Horseman are - Thursday, Norfolk, Norfolk, Norfolk...woooo!" He makes another play for Liz and then the five of them stick four fingers each in Eric's face. Whil Ric turns to Liz...

Let Us Take You Back to Last Week and another scene from the Hall/Nash intervention.

Halloween Havoc ad - the evil within - the havoc released - sponsored by SNICKERS!

Here's MICHAEL BUFFER to kill a little time. Funny line by Heenan after Schiavone says "there's only one Michael Buffer:" "You hear that, Penzer?" Hall doesn't come out, NO-SMOKIN' GIANT apparently taking his place. Buffer extolls the virtue of Giant's "powerslam." (Psst, Buffer: Chokeslam.) KEVIN NASH has gone blonde again, how nice. THE TOTAL WOLFPACKAGE has shaved off the beard part of his goatee, which makes his mustache look REALLY weird. Strangely enough, there are no ad breaks anywhere in here. Nash gets the mic, and I am left with that strange feeling that the Wolfpack is most definitely in the house.

NO-SMOKIN' GIANT & STEVIE RAY v. THE NARCISSIST & KEVIN NASH - Luger and Stevie start. Big lockup, big break, big lockup, big side headlock, power out, duck lariat, dueling hiptoss attempts and SCOTT HALL has appropriated Heenan's headset. When we go back to the ring, Stevie is kicking the snot out of Luger. Hall says "there is no alcohol policy." Hall's lapsing into his Razor accent for kicks. "You want to see how tough Nash is?" and off he goes, apparently. Meanwhile, Luger has made SOME sort of comeback, but now the match is at a standstill because the participants in the match have spied Hall walking down the aisle. Giant and Stevie Ray are throwing their hands in the air and looking resigned and fatalistic. Hall enters the ring. Nick Patrick is thrown out. Hall motions to Nash, and Nash grudgingly puts out a hand for Luger to tag. Tenay plugs the boxing one more time as Nash and Hall face off. Nash suggests they go to the back, Hall winds up, Nash steps aside and Hall goes down. As Nash goes to check Hall, Giant attacks him from behind, while Stevie grabs Luger. Giant with punches in bunches. Luger manages to take Ray to the post and grab a STEEL chair. Giant drops an elbow before Luger's in. Hall is up but his partners have left. Nash gets a toothpick. Luger takes a seatHall runs at Nash, who sidesteps him and watches him fall over the top rope. Giant and Ray pick up Hall and walk off - Hall still shouting to Nash. Nash with the mic. "Hey Scott - I promised you I would never wash our dirty laundry in public, but I tell you bro, week in and week out, man, this - this is wrong, man, you know you're telling me that you're goin' through all these hard times, let me tell you something ... man, I just lost my best friend 'cause I don't know who the hell you are anymore. Week in, week out, I look like an ass because ... let me tell you something, you wanta go man, let's go, but I'm not doing it for free. You wanta do it, let's do it for money. Hey, I guess the theme of the show is let's make a match, so whaddayasay me and you, we fight at Halloween Havoc too, what the hell. I can promise you one thing, I'm gonna show up, you just do the same." (no contest)

The Awesome 3 call a Hall/Nash match "a big time Main Event." Tony goes on to mention that "Scott Hall needs serious help."

Oh boy! YOU KNOW WHO is out one more time, along with CRACKA EAZY-E. Hogan is in the ring, and he wants to see Warrior. Now. In the ring. Hogan calls him "worrier" for a larf. Before MR. DESTRUCITY makes it to the ring, he is joined by - by - BOOTY DISCIPLE - who instead of attacking from behind, stands beside him - turns around, and his coat has an OWN logo. Hogan sputters, and the show sputters, and we fade to black.

Well, they can't ALL be gems. I'm talking, of course, not about Nitro, but about this report. Ha!

[slash] wrestling



Copyright (C) 1998, 1999 Christopher Robin Zimmerman & KZiM Communications