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/5 October 1998

WCW Nitro




I GET LETTERS: Is is just me or does Waryr's interview sound exactly like Chris Farley as El Nino last fall? Just wondering... - Jamie Lorance

Hey Chris you were asking who was Nick Dinsmore. Well he's a wrestler here in Tennessee for Music City Wrestling. Hope that answers your question. - Ed Knox (That was a *rhetorical* question, Ed, but thanks.)

DISCLAIMER: I am *biased* and at this point in time I don't *like* having to watch this show every week. Just be happy you get a report at all and stop complaining! Those ScoopThis guys can't even FIND a sucker to watch Nitro every week! So there!

We open tonight's show with clips of last week's TV-PG-DV travesty that I like to call Bret Hart's 1247th turn since joining WCW about 11 months ago. Closed captioned! So if it was all a big plan by Hart and Hogan to get Sting, does that mean that all that wrestling Hogan and Hart did was FAKE? Lots of old Hart sound bites are supposed to make Hart look really disingenuous - ah, screw it. I'm sure we'll hear about it all night.

Hey look, it's the Nitro Girls! Whisper can't dance! Before Tony can crank up the hype machine to full smarm, we immediately move to a

Halloween Havoc promo. "The shadows have unleashed a forgotten soul / awakening the evil within / releasing the havoc that is halloween / (brightly) sponsored by SNICKERS!" Just for grins, the MANIACAL LAUGHTER shows up on the soundtrack of this ad.

LIVE from the Carolina Colesium in Columbia, SC, it's WCW Monday Nitro! Broadcast 5.10.98 with FIREWORKS!

Your hosts are Tony Schiavone, Mike Tenay and thelivinglegend Larry Zbyszko and Tony is ALL OVER that maniacal laugh - what could it be? Where is it from? The sound guys aren't doing it! Yeah, right. Tony quickly turns to the SHOCKING! events of last week, culminating in Hart turning on Sting. Tenay talks a bit. Larry begs the fans to cheer his name.

Let Us Take You Back to 31 August, where Roddy Piper asks Bret Hart to act like a man.

Let Us Take You Back to 14 September, where Piper tells Hart his dad would be really proud of him for talkin' honest to these people like he is, and he should be soarin' with the eagles and not let the people down again.

The Treacherous Three continue to talk about Bret Hart. Zbyszko says as a liar, he's "the best there is, was, and ever will be."

Let Us Take You Back to 31 August, where Hart and Hogan team up in a tag team main event against Luger & Sting. Hart grabs Hogan's weight belt and stops him from whipping Sting. This leads to a countout loss for Hogan & Hart. Do you see the logic here? Can't you put it all together? Well I sure as hell can't.

Tonight, Hart vs. Sting for the United States title! Good thing Sting didn't REALLY suffer from all that legwork Hogan and Hart gave him...

This portion of Nitro is brought to you by TWIX!

Get the WCW MasterCard! Hurry and get the Giant one before he's gone!

Opening credits (which must mean it's ten past the hour)

LIZMARK, JR. v. (perry) SATURN - I hate Saturn's theme, by the way. Commentators, of course, talk about Sting vs. Hart. Then for a change of pace, commentators talk about Hogan vs. Warrior at Halloween Havoc (only 20 days away!) because, and I think they KNOW this, NO ONE is interested at all in any of the moves that take place in a Lizmark/Saturn matchup. Even Saturn looks bored after hitting a superkick (ooh, that won't make GLACIER happy!) Anyway, Spicolli driver for the pin (2:29) and Castrol GTX should try to get their money back for sponsoring a replay from THIS match.

Diamond Dallas Page vs. Goldberg is the World Heavyweight Title Match - Warrior vs. Hollywood Hogan is the Crappiest Match on Earth - see them both at Halloween Havoc! And buy SNICKERS!

Tonight, Hart/Sting for the US Title!

Lee Marshall narrates the SNICKERS Pin on a map Road Report (what happened to Starburst?) Next Monday, Nitro is in Chicago! I already miss Marshall lowering his voice when he said "Give it some jooooosss."

Promotional consideration paid for by Slim Jim, Motel 6 7/8, Hot Pockets Toaster Breaks, Tiger SportsFeel Games, and Tootsie Caramel Apple Pops.

Halloween Havoc promo #3. Ok, no more jokes tonight with these promos - just a running count. THREE IN TWENTY MINUTES.

Hey look, it's the Nitro Girls! The nonstop cavalcade of promos, clips, and interviews CONTINUES! Later tonight, our second match: Hart vs. Sting for the United States Title!

WCW Monday Nitro Party call for tapes sponsored by Mug Root Beer where the foam goes aw screw it.

KAZ HAYASHI (with Sonny Onoo) v. THREE TIME WORLD KARATE CHAMPION THE CAT (without Kryten) - in a shocking display of irony, Schiavone complains about Miller's referring to himself as a three time World's karate Champion "ad nauseum, over and over and over and over..." - Onoo is with Hayashi by virtue of something that happened on one of those WCW shows that I don't watch. Miller gives Hayashi five seconds (after calling him "Jackie Chan" just to make the smarts go "Ooooh!") but he doesn't leave the ring, of course. Anybody remember when ONOO was the big-shot karate champion? Is the crowd chanting "Pussy cat" here? Is Miller trying to use THE CLAW here? Hayashi gets a couple flurries, but of course he's facing a three time world karate champion so he loses, despite the fact that none of Miller's kicks actually come close to connecting anywhere. What a sick joke. (kick -> pin 2:36) Guess what? Miller does a poor man's Ali postmatch. For an encore, Onoo tells Miller he *is* the greatest and appears to be vying for a managerial role with him, dumping Hayashi in the process.

Nitro Party video, which appears to be a 7th birthday pool party. Make your own Lawler joke here.

This portion of Nitro is brought to you by Jolly Time popcorn - it's not too late for them to try to get their money back!

Goldberg T-shirt ad.

Diamond Dallas Page/Goldberg video package (complete with weird video distortion) - Halloween Havoc promo #4

JERRY FLYNN v. NEVER SURRENDER JUVENTUD GUERRERA - THIS poor excuse for a match is saved only by DISCO INFERNO telling Mike Tenay he has a phone call and taking his place at the announce team's set. He runs down "Juvenstooge" and reminds us that he's a svelte 215 pounds and well within the Cruiserweight limit. He also says that Jerry Flynn is a fine Cruiserweight, which is damn funny if you've ever seen Flynn. (Juvi Driver -> pin 3:08)

Halloween Havoc promo #5 - Goldberg/Page

Mike Tenay walks amongst the people - everyone who talks in this ad, with the possible exception of Tenay, might be a redneck. Most of them figure Goldberg will crush Page like a bug.

Tenay hasn't come back, so Bobby Heenan is out to complete the threesome. The talk is Hogan/Warrior. I want to die. Crowd chants "We want Flair."

Halloween Havoc promo #6 - Warrior/Hogan

VILLANO V (no entrance) v. (DON'T GIVE A) WRATH (ATH) - You might have figured out by now that these "matches" aren't exactly holding my interest for this first hour. Count the number of times the commentators call Wrath "undefeated" despite the fact that when he was with James van den Berg he sure as hell WAS defeated at least a *couple* times. (Meltdown -> pin 2:15) Commentators make lotsa nuclear references just to be annoying.

Halloween Havoc promo #7 - Warrior/Hogan (last week's opening)

Mike Tenay walks amongst the people - more Southern opinions on Goldberg/Page.

This Friday tickets go on sale for WCW in Ft. Myers, Sarasota, Roanoke for THUNDER!, Johnstown, Topeka, and Saturday on sale for Wichita for Nitro

THUNDER! ad - it's live this week on Thursday.

Backstage, we see a Hummer limousine pull up - apparently the WOLFPACK is in there. And there they are. Sting takes on Bret Hart tonight, by the way. They're ... they're WALKING! A bunch of luchadores are hanging out - they walk by them. Konnan has a broom. Apparently, they're looking for somebody. I guess they found whoever they're looking for. It's the NWO dressing room! VINCENZO, STEVIE RAY, SCOTT NORTON, and BRIAN ADAMS I can see in there. A mirror was broken - that's bad luck! There's GIANT, there's SCOTT STEINER, there's BUFF BAGWELL. Steiner's shoving a lady cop - what a man! They're still fighting (Steiner is still attacking cops, what a lunkhead). Tony proclaims this the most of out of control we've ever seen it. Even though they all seem to be standing around. The fracas flares up again. Now we follow out Sting, Konnan and Scott Steiner - now Buff gets Konnan from behind and goes after Sting for Steiner. La Parka peeks his head out to look - too funny. Now Nash is on Steiner. Sting is looking - he's round Bret Hart - those punches look GOOD. Anyway, RAW is on - change the channel! Sting and Hart continue to brawl despite the intervention of Dillinger and Columbia's finest. Nash staves off the cops ("Get off him!") as we take the ad break.

Is that enough to keep you from changing the channel? After that first fifty minutes of CRAP? Maybe you should be writing this column, then.

When we come back, the second hour must have started, because the TV-PG-DV box is back. Cops are trying to hold back the Wolfpack, but Sting has his eyes on a forklift. He takes it over to what we hear is the NWO's limo - PICKS IT UP AND DROPS IT ON IT'S BACK. Meanwhile, Nash and Luger take some sledgehammers to it. Zbyszko: "At least they didn't key it!" Sting asks for a knife - I wonder who's dumb enough to give him one. Meanwhile, it's sledgehammers a plenty for the WOlfpack and Sting must have gotten his knife because the tires are slashed. Then Konnan takes the hubcaps! Sting vs. Bret Hart, TONIGHT! Let's take another ad break! After all, it's only been less than three minutes!

Second hour FIREWORKS! Tony can't wait for Sting vs. Bret Hart later tonight!

DAMIAN v. HECTOR GARZA - well, THIS is a step up - at least I don't know who's going to win. Although I could probably guess. Not bad lucha-style match doesn't last one minute until out walks EDDIE GUERRERO with a mic. Nick Patrick stops the match (No contest 1:12) "One moment, let me talk to you - relax, just let me talk to you and relax, okay? I got one question for you - what has Eric Bischoff done for YOU - what has Eric Bischoff done for YOU - that's exactly what, he hasn't done NOTHING for you. Just like you and you and me, he's got us wrestling each other week in and week out, right? We're wrestling each other. He never gives us the opportunity to wrestle somebody else, to try to climb the ladder of success you could say. He doesn't give you any money to where you can get your own rentacar, huh? All you guys have to share a rentacar, and I'm talking there's five or six guys to one car, three or four guys to one room." They nod in agreement. "Who's got all the money? It looks pretty full to me in here tonight, it's rocking and rolling, but who's rolling around in the money? Hey, if you don't have your nose where Eric Bischoff has his nose - Hollywood Hogan - if you ain't part of his clique, then you're not gonna make any money, they get the Lear jets, they get the limos, they get everything, they get to wrestle whoever they want and when they want, and they're always the main event, and you know what? They probably couldn't even tie your wrestling shoes. So I'm telling you this right now, I can't do nothing by myself, you can't do it by yourself, or you. But we can do it together, united, La Raza, man, I'm talking about what we are - we're Latino! I want you guys to join me, man! LWO - Latino World Order! Together we can do this, we can go against you - you wanna be part of ??? (sounds like "McMahon" but I'm sure that isn't it) You wanna be together? Put these on boys, and follow me! Now Eric Bischoff I'm telling you one thing, we're gonna do what it takes to get our piece of the cake and you know what you can do Eric - (kiss, plant on butt) right here!" Damian and Garza don the shirts, which are like the NWO shirts, except "LWO" and the colours of the Mexican flag (green/white/red). You know, I like Guerrero, so I'll try to refrain from a smartass comment like "Boy, if *I* were starting an organisation from scratch, the TOP TWO names on my list would be DAMIAN and HECTOR GARZA!" but I suppose at least they'll sell a lotta T-shirts out of it.

Backstage with Mike Tenay, who is with the Wolfpack (in discussion). Tenay asks Nash where Scott Hall is - Nash says that he's been with him for seven years - Hall is in one of five places in this town, so they're going to go looking for him. Tenay decides to follow them around like a lost puppy. Stay tuned for this exciting saga!

Let Us Take You Back to 27 July, where Bret Hart says he hasn't joined the NWO out of respect for Sting.

Hey look, it's the Nitro Girls!

PSYCHOSIS v. (billy) KIDMAN for the WCW World Cruiserweight Championship - Let me TRY to gear up for a proper blow-by-blow description. Lockup, to the corner, semi-clean break. Shoving match. Lockup, arm wringer by Psychosis, to the rope, cheating. Kidman flips him over to escape the hold. Back'n'forth, hiptoss by Kidman. Whip, reverse, suplex by Kidman. 1, 2, kickout. Flying headscissors by Kidman. Commentators are talking about Sting. Pescado by Kidman. Kidman throws him back in and hits a guillotine legdrop from the outside in for 2. Right hand by Kidman, kick, whip, head down, double sledge by Psychosis. Faceslam by Psychosis, who does an airplane imitation to gloat. 1, 2, no. Psychosis scales the ropes and hits the corkscrew legdrop ("top rope flying body attack") to the back of the head but again gets 2 after a little gloating. Reverse chinlock applied. Kidman stands up and elbows out - duck, dropkick, nice. Whip into the ropes, reverse, Psychosis puts the head down, big kick from Kidman but after following, Psychosis hiptosses him over the top rope to the outside. Psychosis with the guillotine over the top rope to the floor! It'd sure be cool if he won. Kidman whipped into the STEEL steps. Psychosis stops the count at 8. Back outside - Nice dropkick by Psychosis. Psychosis throws him back in at 6. Bridge for 2. Psychosis again appeals to the fans and draws boos. He seems surprised at this reaction - hmm. Whip, reverse, Psychosis hits the turnbuckle, Kidman with the lariat as he walks back, 1, 2, rope grabbed. Whip into the corner, double axehandles misses. Psychosis with the belly-to-back suplex with the release. 1, 2, nope. Back to the chinlock. Again Kidman stands up and elbows out. Sunset flip by Kidman for 2. Psychosis drills him again and again he's down, and AGAIN he's jawing with the fans. Back to the chinlock. To the canvas, repeated stompin' by Psychosis. Snapmare into the chinlock. Psychosis with the powerbomb attempt, but Kidman carries the momentum through and turns it into a faceslam for 2. Up for a move, Psychosis goes behind and hits a 'rana for 2. Bulldog by Kidman for 2. Whip into the ropes, reverse, tilt-a-whirl bodyslam for 2. Suplex attempt and Kidman flips - powerbomb for 2. Kick by Kidman, whip into the opposite corner, but Kidman runs into a boot. Moonsault by Psychosis for 2. Psychosis makes the "thumb-'cross-the-throat" gesture. To the top rope - huracanrana attempt but he forgot Kidman - Kidman with the shooting star press on the prone form of Psychosis (knee looked like it landed RIGHT on his breastbone - ouch) and scores the pinfall (10:40). WHY did I have to wait EIGHTY minutes for a great match like this?

Here's a special video interview with Warrior, which I won't transcribe. It does have some editing, though, some smoke, some flashing siren lights - hey, they haven't done this sort of thing on Nitro for YEARS. Usually it's Gene O. and it's all the way live. Warrior's still talking. Now he's explaining the OWN philosophy. Hey, if Warrior were Latino, wouldn't it be OWL? Hoot hoot! Don't pollute! And he snorts at the end, yeeha!

Let's Take a Special Video Look at SUPERSTAR SCOTT STEINER as he talks to Ricky. He was the one that made the Steiner Brothers famous - lots of old family photos and trophies and ...

Mike Tenay is stalking the Humvee limousine as they drive through Columbia. He has nothing to report, he just wants you to know he's out there.

SUPERSTAR SCOTT STEINER & BUFF BAGWELL come to the ring to kill some time. Tony reminds us that it was in this building that Bagwell suffered the injury that almost killed him during THUNDER! Steiner repeats everything he just said in that previous promo. And at Halloween Havoc, why, he'll have no problem taking out Rick Steiner. Just to make it interesting, out comes RICK STEINER with a mic of his own. "Every time I come out here, one of you - or both of you - have to fake an injury so we don't have to wrestle. I think you're both sissies!" Ooh, pile it on Rick. "But Bagwell, it was here where you lay for three hours, paralyzed. It was here where you got hurt for real, and you went through rehab and you wanna come out here and make a big joke of it. Well I brought someone back here who doesn't think it's a joke - I got YOUR MOM - MRS. JUDY BAGWELL!" And out comes Momma. "Maybe she can talk some sense into you." Rick hands her the mic and she does a lot of screaming and shouting but it's cool. Crowd is rabid. Bagwell lets her rant and then talks back to his momma - crowd wants to KILL Bagwell. I love it. Bagwell goes lowest when he says "Without Buff Bagwell, you wouldn't even eat!" Momma enters the ring, talks a bit, then slaps Bagwell right in the mush. She turns to Steiner, who grabs her - but Rick takes care of Scott while Judy takes out Buff by the ear. That was pretty cool, but let's never see her again or it'll be too much.

During the break, Brian Adams came out to get the advantage on Rick Steiner. Scott and Brian work over Rick because the scheduled match, which we join in progress, is

RICK STEINER v. BRIAN ADAMS (everything he does, he does it for you) (with Superstar Scott Steiner) - we come back as the doubleteam continues. J.J. DILLON is out to bar Scott from ringside, and two cops escort him out. Meanwhile, Adams has Rick in a chinlock. Arm falls twice but not thrice. Crowd barks and Rick rises. Elbows aplenty, Adams whips Rick and gives him the big boot as he comes off the ropes. Right hand by Adams. Snapmare, stand on the head. Adams seems keenly interested in how much time is left, in a sneaky way of course. Piledriver for 2 by Adams. Referee "Blind" Billy Silverman sneaks in a time cue for Adams. Is Adams using THE CLAW? Or is that just a nipple twister? Tony calls it a nerve hold on the shoulder, hmmm. Tony also talks about Rick's old shoulder injury although he forgets to mention that Adams was the one that attacked him with a chair months ago for storyline purposes. 1, 2, no. Guy in the crowd says "black 'n' white sucks " Bodyslam by Adams. Kneedrop misses. Whip, reverse, UGLY slam by Rick. Steinerline! Splash for 2. Adams with an atomic drop. Suplex attempt is countered with a DDT. Rick to the top rope - time for the bulldog. 1, 2, 3. (about 6:00)

Third hour FIREWORKS! only two minutes early. Coming up tonight, as Tony called it, "a match for all the marbles in the US Title division." The HUH? Hart vs. Sting, you know.

Let's check in with Mike Tenay, who is following the Wolfpack into the Columbus Brewing Company - if this were REALLY live, wouldn't there be a whole lot more people in the place? Then again, with all this exciting WALKING AROUND, it just MIGHT be live.

Promotional consideration paid for by Electronic Hot Shot Basketball, Moen faucets, America (ha!) Online, You Don't Know Jack, and Tootsie Treats.

This portion of WCW Monday Nitro is brought to you by Wendy's Spicy Chicken Sandwich!

I smell Voodoo's time for CRACK EAZY-E to lead the way for YOU KNOW WHO - I can't help but think that EVERY time Hogan says he loves Bischoff, he's probably just lying to swerve the smarts. Bischoff makes a couple moves towards David Flair, Ric's son who somehow got a front row seat. Hogan talks loud and says nothing. Hogan calls out Warrior just for grins. Bischoff asks for any living cartoon characters in the building to come on out. I'm not touching THAT one. Hogan goes on to shill Halloween Havoc, making him - a Halloweenie, I guess. Hogan calls himself "'wood," reminding me if his incredibly lame interview of last week. Hogan once again calls himself the god of wrestling. Warrior is just a stepping stone to once again reclaiming his heavyweight title. 4 life, 2 sweet, 50+ minutes to go.

Let's Take A Special Video Look at the IV Horsemen.

Hey look, it's the Nitro Girls!

KANYON (with Raven) v. DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE - Page shocks the world by actually using the entryway to get to the ring instead of sucking up to the crowd by walking through 'em. Kanyon climbs the ropes to pose, so Page hits a superinside cradle for 2. Another surprise inside cradle for 2. I'm thinking Kanyon should stop turning his back to Page. Trip and Kanyon complains of a hairpull. Lockup, armwringer by Kanyon, reverse by Page, he runs into him a few times. Off the ropes, shoulderblock, dueling hiptosses, belly-to-belly suplex by Page for 2. LODI comes out to bug Kanyon about getting back with Raven (with Raven right there?). Page hits a pescado on Kanyon AND Lodi just for fun. Going back, while referee "Blind" Charles Robinson tries to get Lodi outta there, Raven comes in and hits the Evenflow. Still, Kanyon can only get 2 when Robinson puts on the count (right). Kanyon with a top rope Rocker Dropper! Damn, that's innovative! Knee on the throat by Kanyon. Kanyon poses to the crowd, 'cause he's stupid. "DDP" chant is loud. Page comes back like a house on fire. Kanyon with a second rope superfaceslam (whatever) for 2. Chinlock by Kanyon. Arm falls once, arm falls twice, arm doesn't fall thrice. Page stands up and elbows out, Kanyon catches the leg, then ducks the spinning clothesline, backslide attempt, no, Sunset flip, 1, 2, reverse, 1, 2, duck, duck, Page with a clothesline. Both men are down. Both men up at 9. Page with the Iblockyourpunchyoudon'tblockmine. Punches in bunches from Page. Ten turnbuckle headbutt countalong. Belly-to-back suplex for 2. Kanyon manages an inside cradle for 2. Flapjack for 2. Raven is up on the apron. Page turns to Raven - Kanyon pushes Page into Raven and grabs the tights - 1, 2, no! I'm guessing that this won't end until I see the Diamond Cutter. Swinging neckbreaker by Kanyon for 2. Jawbreaker by Page, tilt-a-whirl backbreaker, diamond sign, Lodi's in and he eats a clothesline, but Raven waffles Page with the microphone (DQ 7:19) oh I guess I was wrong about that Diamond Cutter. The tripleteam is on until, yes, you guessed it, GOLDBERG comes out to save Page. Page does manage a Diamond Cutter on Raven before the staredown occurs. J.J. DILLON is out to make sure it doesn't go beyond that. They kinda yaarr.. at each other and then Page poses to the crowd. Let's take an ad break!

Tenay is at the New Brookland Tavern, and so are Konnan, Nash, and Luger. Some hillbilly says "Who's the big ugly white boys?" which must mean it actually *IS* live. More of that exciting walking around. Konnan: "Hey Kev, why don't we check out the strip joints?" Nash: "He's been thrown out of every strip joint in the country." Nash swears but the mute button catches it. Tenay: "Strike two!"

THE BRAND NEW DISCIPLE v. LENNY LANE (no entrance) - Lane undoes his ponytail and shags out his hair, then he does a Warrioresque running job, then he shakes the top rope and beats his chest - and that's the highlight of the match. You know, I've ALWAYS thought that Disciple was more of a "third hour of Nitro" kinda wrestler. Is the crowd BOOING Disciple? We can only hope. (Stone Cold Apocalypse -> pin 2:08) He gets the mic. "I got something to say - Hollywood! I'm all done carrying your bags, I'm through, I'm my own man now - now and forever!" I think just afterwards, he said, "Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go get Warrior's bags!" As he walks away, the cameraman feels compelled to follow him, mostly because Hogan and Bischoff are hot on his tail. Some more of that exciting low-speed walking ends at the dressing room, where Disciple apparently vanishes - lucky for us, the image of Warrior appears in the mirror - Hogan can see it, we can see it, the commentators all see it, but apparently Bischoff CAN'T see it. I don't think I'm exaggerating when I say that this is the LAMEST thing they've ever put on Nitro. I mean, this is lamer than the giant ice cube containing the Giant Ninja Yeti exploding when the Taskmaster shouted a lot. Lamer than Loch Ness waddling into the ring. Lamer than...damn, this was lame.

Kevin Nash Big Sexy T-shirt ad.

What the hell was that fart noise? Mike Tenay has stalked Luger, Nash, and Konnan to "Les' Private Club" where they find out that indeed, Scott Hall is most definitely in the house. Nash and Hall brawl for a while, tussle on a pool table, then grapple in a bathroom. Make your own joke. Also, there are a bunch of idiots there. Nash invites the camera into the bathroom, where Hall is draped over the commode. Wow, what a payoff.

The NWO Nitro theme plays, so I guess we're going to be subject to another CRACKA EAZY-E talkfest. One can only hope we get some Horsemen stuff in this segment. Bischoff assures us that Hogan is just fine, then turns his attention to a man named Flair. (All right! It's about time.) He goes into his fake-hillbilly accent for a spell, then says that Flair isn't in the building. Whoops, he's interrupted by ARN ANDERSON. "Oh, with all due respect, boss, last time I was in this town, and you know, for a smart guy, you need a geography lesson, because this is Columbia and this is a Horseman town! Now last time I was here, I gave these people some bad news, but tonight I've got some good news - the fact of the matter is, I've got a new job description Eric, and it's "in charge of head games." And I got a good one for you tonight - because you see, Flair IS here, Flair IS in the building...well, it's just this thing about authority, I don't hear it good, you know what I'm talking about? Matter of fact, the Champ is with me right now, so let's bring him down!" But "the Champ" doesn't refer to the Man, no, it's his soon REID FLAIR. Reid calls Eric "Meeeeeeean WOOOOO Gene!" which means he's not too bright. Well, cheap shot. Is Reid wearing Vader style design tights? Anyway, Eric huffs and puffs and then when he turns his back, Reid gives him a takedown, then another one. Before Eric can pop him one, Arn blocks the way. Everyone has a good laugh that a ten-year-old took down Bischoff twice, and Reid runs his fingers through his hair a la Ric. Eh.

LIZ has come out with a cel phone. Bischoff wants Flair in the ring, NOW - apparently Bischoff has ranted and raved throughout the entire ad break. Liz probably needs to call Janie Engle. I guess they got Beth on the phone, and she's giving him what for. Finally after some more time killin', "Thus Spake Zarathustra" fires up, and THE MAN is out. Liz quickly exits the ring. Ric removes his coat and does a little struttin'. Real quicklike, Adams, Stevie Ray, and Vincenzo surround the ring - but almost twice as quickly, the rest of the Horsemen are out and NWO Hollywood has scattered. David and Reid Flair join the Horsemen in the ring and all of them show the four fingers.

And still to come tonight, Sting vs. Hart! (Well, there's only six minutes left in the show, but...) The commentators talk about the Horsemen, then turn to the Wolfpack, there's now FOUR minutes left in the show, can we please get to it? Thank you. I guess Michael Buffer got the night off...

(THIS IS) STING v. BRET HART for the WCW United States Heavyweight Title - Hart comes out to his own music, and just to annoy me, Hart is STILL not wearing an NWO T-shirt. Instead of walking to the ring, he turns around and walks back. Sting, who is incredibly stupid, follows backstage after Hart. When he catches him, it's just the two of them, amazingly enough. Lots of STIFF shots by Sting on Hart. Sting grabs a dry-erase board and takes it over Hart's back. Hart meets a soda machine. Hart FINALLY gets some shots in on his own. Now they're battling against tables. Sting meets a supporting column. Suplex on a table! Table breaks. Hart takes a trashcan to Sting's back. Hart hits the side of the knee and grabs a chair - he's back to the leg attack he started last week. He's going to PILLMANIZE Sting's leg! Wrapped in the chair, he drops the trashcan on it...The punding continues. Hart wants the camera outta here but we're still watching. Sting wheels a - something on wheels - at Hart and Hart goes down, dropping the chair. Both men arm limping now. Sting has a trashcan, and Hart has a pole. Sting tosses the can aside. Now they both have poles, swing and a miss. Both poles dropped, both men behind a door - Now Sting crotches Hart on a door. Hart comes back with a pole shot. Another pole shot. Hart's got a golfcart! But it didn't work, I guess. Sting with a pole shot. Now they're fighting over a pole - gee you think by now SOMEBODY would have broken them up. Hart is turning blue from the pole near his neck. Another pole shot from Sting. Scorpion Deathlock time. Hart: "You cheater! Hogan!" But Hogan's nowhere to be seen. Sting tries a trashcan but it's attached. Dillenger is back with backup and I think they're finally going to be separated. Crowd is booing lustfully. Credits come up as both men limp away - Dillenger offers Sting a chair and he starts to sit - NO! This show is OVER!

[slash] wrestling



Copyright (C) 1998, 1999 Christopher Robin Zimmerman & KZiM Communications