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/12 October 1998

WCW Nitro




If you get a moment, check for the Year-End Awards Call for Nominations on the newsgroups. The end of the year is fast approaching!

We open the show with CRACKA EAZY-E telling the security guy at the door not to let Ric Flair in the building. Somebody forgot to tell the security guy his part in all this, 'cause he keeps saying "who are you? Do you have any credentials?" TV-PG-DV closed captioned. Bischoff continues to the outside, where he's brought in a bunch of local security to help the (apparently inept) DOUG DILLINGER.

We cut to a clip of Nitro from Last Week, where Sting is being fitted with a neck brace and a stretcher as a result of his backstage brawl with Bret Hart.

Live from the United Centre in Chicago, IL, it's WCW MONDAY NITRO! It's Columbus Day - or is it *Indigenous Peoples Day*? Hey look, it's the Nitro Girls!

Halloween Havoc Promo #1 - because you can't start the hype too early. For no reason, halfway through there's a Bride of Chucky mini-ad. Oh, and there's some MANIACAL LAUGHTER during this ad.

First hour FIREWORKS! Four minutes in and they're already testing my patience!

Your hosts are Tony Schiavone, Mike Tenay, and thelivinglegendcheermefearme Larry Zbyszko. Let Us Take You Back to Last Week on Nitro, where Hart and Sting do that thing they did last week where we've already seen a clip but hell let's see another one. By the way, *I AM BIASED*. I just saw a GREAT RAW is War and I know I should have done this show first. Anyway, having said all that, this match was pretty good last week, as these clips bear out. The Treacherous Three talk some more about Hart and Sting and then we fast forward in reverse to THUNDER! where Bret Hart issues a challenge to Sting in what was a pretty good interview. I'm telling you, Hart is *carrying* this company for me at this point. I don't know for whom those of you who don't like Hart can possibly be watching this show. Wicked grammar! Tonight we'll here Sting's response to the challenge (does that mean he'll TALK tonight?)

Let's take a special video look at the saga of Hogan, Hart, Sting, Hogan fighting Hart - and let me just say that this must PROVE that wrestling is fake if Hogan can do all those moves and Hart isn't hurt a bit - Hart turning on Sting after Steiner and Bagwell take out Konnan and Luger. Hogan and Hart with the high five. Let's go to our first ad break!

This portion of the Nitro Cavalcade of Advertisement and Interview is brought to you by Valvoline.

Let Us Take you back to 1 October where WCW invaded Wall Street. No, not MICHAEL Wallstreet, the stock market, where the sure-to-be-a-winner WCW credit card was announced. Dr. Harvey Schiller (who suspended Eric Bischoff - no, wait, I guess he didn't) makes an appearance. They go to great lengths with editing to not show mortal enemies within arm's reach of each other yet acting civil, but a shot of Page and Hogan does make it through. I thought he thought he was scum!

Almost thirteen minutes in, as good a time as any for the opening credits.

Zbyszko drops the names of his cousins in his commentary - I HATE it when people do that (oh, hi, John Lankford).

Let Us Take You Back to THUNDER! where Meng takes what's left of Gentleman Chris Adams' dignity, and no one cares. Later, Wrath (he is NOT undefeated!) shows up and takes it to Meng.

That's your first quarter hour, Neilsen fans.

LODI v. WRATH - tonight's main event is Goldberg vs. Giant, no DQ, for the World Heavyweight Championship. Also, Bischoff tries to keep Flair out of the building (and we know what THAT means). And also again, a big 6-man tag: Hall/Ray/Norton vs. Nash/Luger/Konnan. Gather 'round my children and you shall hear Great Uncle Larry regale us with festive tales of yore, and Twenty Glorious Years. Wrath hits like a flying shoulderblock and the Meltdown and that's about it (1:31, counting :30 of stalling at the beginning). Of course, MENG comes out and they start to brawl - quickly we shift away from anything resembling action because it's the first hour...

Let us take you back to Nitro last week, where Bischoff talks, then Arn talks, and then Reid Flair comes out, then Bischoff is taken down twice to the delight and glee of the commentary team. Hey, you think it's EASY to execute a takedown while wearing a lump of metal 'round your neck? Keep watching as Bischoff gets Beth Flair on the cel phone, then Ric Flair walks out, then the NWO comes out, then the Horsemen come out, and the best part is - are you ready for this? - NOTHING HAPPENS!

Lee Marshall narrates the Snickers Pin on a Map Road Report - Next Thursday, Albuquerque hosts THUNDER!

Promotional consideration paid for by Slim Jim, You Don't Know Jack, Jim Palmer's house of mortgages, Moen kitchen faucets, and THE CLUB, AND Tootsie Caramel Apple Pops - geesh, six sponsors in this block?

WCW MasterCard ad.

Halloween Havoc Promo #2. Goldberg/Page. With heavy bass.

Why do they HAVE a first hour?

KENDALL WINDHAM (no entrance) v. DALE TORBORG (no entrance) - actually you can hear them be introduced during the Promotional Consideration, somebody left a mic on. I'm so glad to see Torborg with his WCW Pit Crew uniform on, because this gives me the chance to do a "This week in WCW Motor Sports" Parody - "Lance Hooper, in the Team WCW car, raced to a thrilling Top 27 finish!" (In those reports, that usually means "he finished 27th," but it sounds better when they do it that other way, for some reason.) What, you wanted blow-by-blow for this match? No, you didn't. The crowd's chanting "Boring" when they're not being deathly quiet, then booing. Windham dominates the match, but Torborg manages to hit a high kick, landing on his foot wrong and injuring his other knee in the process. Quick thinking referee "Blind" Scott Dickinson quickcounts the 3 so Torborg can get his win (4:22).

WCW/NWO Magazine ad - with exciting pictures from the PPV from three months ago!

Hey look, it's the Nitro Girls! They've still got Torborg in the ring, by the way. I know you care, because this is the type of detail that makes your NUMBER ONE STOP FOR RECAPPING OF ... whatever.

Let's roll the Nitro Party Pack winner. Kids, I don't care how cool it looks - don't light pyro on your patio steps if they're wooden.

Interesting - they don't show Giant in "Water Boy" ads during Nitro. What's up with THAT?

Goldberg T-shirt ad.

The Treacherous Three talk up the excitement we'll see later in the show, and at Halloween Havoc. I wish there'd be some excitement NOW, in THIS show, but they don't put these things on to please me. Believe me, I am WELL aware of this fact. In fact, I think sometimes they put these things on just to torture me. Well, not really. Nobody knows who I am. Oh wait, something's happening...

Let Us Take You Back to Last Week where Raven, Lodi and Kanyon take it to Dallas Page until Goldberg makes the save. Oh wait, this is another clip. I'll be back in a minute.

"Get Well Mark Curtis" sign in crowd didn't come through well on the screen, so I'll note it here, and second it. Definitely get well soon, Mark. You are the least blind of all the referees I watch!

The Wolfpac theme plays and out walks (THIS IS) STING. He's got a mic, so I guess we WILL hear him talk tonight. "Last week, Bret Hart and the Stinger were beating themselves into submission - beating themselves into submission out there. And I crossed off every single day of this week so I could get right here, right now, front and center, and tell you, Bret Hart, I am calling you out in Chi-Town! I'm not done yet...Hogan! You, as the motivator behind all darkness that goes on around here, I'm gonna put you in a black box and send you back to Hollywood, I'm calling YOU out!" Zbyszko: "Hope he doesn't mean a cable box." What the HELL, Larry. "Hold it right there!" Oh great, it's MR. DESTRUCITY come to muck up the interview. "Speak to me, Waryrs!" To my trained ear, it's about 50% boos. "Sting, I think you have to agree with me, it's amazing to see how far a little dab of paint will take you! Far from the beginning, far from OUR beginning. No doubt, I'll leave the history lessons to others, but I will say, as I have viewed your career from afar, I have watched with a Waryr's admiration and unconditional respect. For all intents and purposes, Sting, WCW is your battleground, not mine - and it is for that reason I intrude during your interview time to make a one-time request. Let me preface this request by saying it is fatal to enter any battle without the will to win. As you may now, I have an ongoing battle with Hollywood Hogan set to culminate at Halloween Havoc. My (boat?), my Waryr's (vote?) allows me to win but one battle at a time. If it is your intention to call out the anti-heroes of our time, then I make a request - I make a demand that for this evening I stand alongside you to fight. Same Waryr time, same Waryr place, same Waryr channel..." I'd say it's about 70% boos now. Sting has no response.

AFTER THE FACT: That word was "foke," yeah.

Halloween Havoc promo #3 - Goldberg/Page.

Closed captioning where available brought to you by Western Union - no, not LITERALLY. That'd be funny, though.

Second hour fireworks (twelve minutes early) as Tony says "holy smokes! What an hour it's been!" I want to scream "WHAT A CRAPPY FORTY-EIGHT MINUTES IT'S BEEN!" but Tony has already gone on to call Warrior/Sting vs. Hart/Hogan one of the biggest tag-team main events of all time. Not that anybody said it was gonna happen, but oh well. Tenay says this will be the first time Sting & Warrior have teamed in twelve years - do you want to be letting out big numbers like that?

The Voodoo Chili is fired up and out come YOU KNOW WHO, CRACKA EAZY-E and NO SMOKIN' GIANT. Anybody see Angelique Kidjo do "Voodoo Child" on Sessions at West 54th last weekend? It was...interesting. That's, like, one of those non-wrestling tangents that I'm apparently famous for. Bischoff talks, Wood talks loud and says nothing, calls Giant "My Giant," which makes him the fourth person to see that movie, I think. He promises that Giant will beat Goldberg, oh, well, I'll put down all the cash I can muster on the basis of that. Hogan says that he and Hart would seriously enjoy a match with the Painted Horses, it'll be the "Ultimate Encounter," 4 life. Giant leaves the ring first chance he gets. Schiavone: "Challenge accepted! Match made! We got it on TONIGHT! Hollywood Hogan! Bret Hart! Tag team spectacular SUPER MAIN EVENT against Sting and the Warrior for the first time in twelve years, two of the greats who Mike Tenay said started their careers together, went their separate ways, will FINALLY TEAM AGAIN!"

Fortunately, this drudgery is broken with a security officer telling Bischoff that the Horsemen are in the building. Hmm, four minutes to the hour and the start of RAW...Horsemen...Bischoff...hmmm. Bischoff walks outside, where a white limo is pulling up. Bischoff yells to every security guy within earshot (or the state) that he doesn't want them in the building. THE MAN exits the limo and springs a surprise - his special guest is BRUCE "WIRTZ" MacARTHUR, who is apparently the guy who owns the United Centre, and has a nice skybox, and is good friends with the Horsemen. While Eric keeps saying "it's my building!" MacArthur counters with "No, it's *my* building!" so they walk in. Now, I won't go into any kind of theft of idea comparisons or anything, but watching Bischoff and Flair, I can't help but notice that as RAW starts, right now, the first thing I see is McMahon and Austin...naah, coincidence.

TV-PG-DV WCW goes on sale as they come to Toledo, Auburn Hills, Pittsburgh, and Grand Rapids for Nitro!

Halloween Havoc promo #4 - Hogan/Warrior, complete with choral background.

TV-PG-DV again just for the heck of it. Let Us Take You Back to Last Week with a clip of Warrior's interview (why? It wasn't worth watching LAST WEEK!) For an encore, let's go to the incredibly lame "Everybody not named Bischoff sees Warrior in the mirror" segment. How fuckin' stupid. That's right, I swore. THAT'S how stupid it was.

Let Us Take You Back to that exciting double pin that Alex Wright and the British Bulldog had on Nitro a while back. You know, last Saturday Night, for an encore, they battled to a double countout. You think this'll culminate at the Pay-per-view? You care?

FIT FINLAY v. DAS TANZENKIND ALEX WRIGHT - Nice to see they've decided to spell Finlay's name correctly, at least this week. "Achtung! Achtung! Hier ist Alex Wright!" I took German in high school, so I know that means "Orange! Orange! Trunks of Alex Wright!" even though they're red. He says that Finlay ended Wright's father's career, so tonight he'll end his. Well, that's almost interesting. Finlay quickly rushes Wright before the bell, now they're outside and Finlay's choking him with his own jacket. Now he's whipping him with it. Fit's the freakin' man, y'all. Wright with a surprise rollup for 1. Scoop slam by Wright. Finlay with an armdrag and a short clothesline. Fireman's carry into a throatdrop on the top rope. European uppercut. Whip into the corner, but Wright makes him miss to the outside. Finlay with a shoulderblock to come back in but he hits the boot jumping from the top. Now Wright hits the European uppercut. Whip into the opposite corner, knee up by Finlay, big lariat. Fast pace, duck under, Wright throws him OVER his head and throat-first on the top rope - Wright covers, feet on the top rope, 1, 2, 3 (1:59) and now BRITISH BULLDOG is out and tossing Wright back in. And now Finlay and Smith are taking turns pasting Wright. Wright rolls out - can it be that the Irish and the British are coming together? No, Finlay pastes Smith as well (good for him!) and runs out after Wright. 10-10-321 brings us the replay of the pinfall. I wonder if we could get a triangle match out of this. Put Finlay in the mix and the my interest in the match SKYROCKETS. Seriously.

Coming up after Nitro - Mortal Kombat: the Series - cartoon violence to

Shot of the Owner's Box - lots of lovely ladies, and a really rich owner, and the Horsemen.

LA PARKA, CICLOPE (HALLOWEEN), y VILLANO V v. PSYCHOSIS, SUPER CALO, y CHAVO GUERRERO, JR. (con Pepe) - I hope they actually HAVE this match before having Eddie Guerrero come out and try to put that LWO stuff over, because I LOVE me some lucha libre. Calo and Psychosis start, they've had a nonfeud brewing for like eight months. Villano clubs Calo in the back and Parka clothesline him. Of course, when Villano comes in, Calo ducks and Parka hits his partner. Again, Calo ducks a kick and Parka kicks Villano. Park bodydropped to the outside by Parka, so he somersaults off the apron to the floor and hits Villano. Parka dances on the apron, then trips in a comical fashion, hitting himself on the apron. Psychosis takes this opportunity to swandive onto La Parka. Now Ciclope hits a tope of his own. Who's left? Chavo with a springboard splash onto everybody. Calo and Villano back in - Calo misses a swandive off the top. Powerslam by Villano for 1, 2, everybody waits for Psychosis to dive off the top with the guillotine legdrop. 1, 2, everybody waits for La Parka to break it up. Sloppy. La Parka with a chop (woooo!), whip into the opposite corner, follow lariat and Parka dances again. Lunge, but the feet are up. Psychosis runs at him but powerslam counter. 1, 2, Chavo makes the save. Chavo with a suplex. 1, 2, Ciclope makes the save. Chop (woooo!) by Ciclope. Spinebuster into a Boston crab - no I guess it's a Rocking horse. Psychosis comes in to break it up. Psychosis runs the ropes but Parka kicks him in the head on the apron. All the rudos are in - now Psychosis and Ciclope are out. Chavo and Calo with the double missed dropkick. Villano and Parka run them into each other. Chavo whipped into Calo, who slingshots him over the ropes but on his feet. Chavo whacks Villano, Calo covers - 1, 2, Parka breaks it up and Chavo slingshots in to break THAT up. With me so far? Double dropkick and they're out of the ring. DOBLE TOPA SUICIDA by Calo and Chavo!! Now Ciclope and Psychosis are in the ring. Back and forth, counter, counter, big kick, now he runs at him but Psychosis ducks and Ciclope between the ropes to the outside and lands on his butt. TOP ROPE SENTON BY PSYCHOSIS! And NOW EDDIE GUERRERO and the LWO are walking out - but it looks like Chavo is going to hit the Tornado DDT on Ciclope and we'll have a pin (5:31) before anything can happen. Park and Psychosis are still fighting, but Eddie stops them. "Now you see what I'm talking about? They keep making us fight each other! It's obvious that Eric Bischoff doesn't respect our people - he doesn't respect our traditions! He doesn't respect la raza! I would like to see any NWO guy come out here and wrestle, and do the things this man does, or the things this man does, and wrestle out here with his heart. Uh uh, see Eric Bischoff, you take advantage of the economical situation at home and you bring these wrestlers in and you pay 'em peanuts, and then you treat them with disrespect, now let me ask you, does he treat you with respect? (Spanish) Does he give you respect? No he doesn't give you any respect. So I tell you now, united, something, la raza, we can do this together. Eric Bischoff, we are your future whether you like it or not, and I just got one more thing to say to you, Eric, we're gonna get our piece of the cake, and whether you like it or not, all these guys, that's right, you're part of us now, as far as all of us are concerned, you can kiss our..." and they point to their rumps. Psychosis is in. Chavo walks off without putting a T-shirt on. I guess none of the other guys was recruited. What, they aren't Latino enough?

Hey look, it's the Nitro girls! And they're showing their cheeks! Chae gets a solo dance, and I watch.

The NWO theme plays - oh boy, it's time for a SUPERSTAR SCOTT STEINER interview! Conspicuous by his absence is Buff Bagwell. Zbyszko hands the headset off to Bobby Heenan in the meantime. Steiner says this, and that, and Chicago sucks, and I know how to satisfy a woman, I hook up all the freaks, and generally whips the crowd into a frenzy. He then turns to the Bagwell situation, running down Judy Bagwell and ... well, I wasn't paying attention. Anyway, BUFF & JUDY BAGWELL come out and I start to pay attention again. "Let me get something straight Scotty Steiner, we haven't worked out anything, and we DO have a problem." Steiner says he can break Buff's "frickin' neck, just like that." Buff says he listens to his momma, things have gone too far, and he's the reason. "Sounds like Mommy's boy is getting a little soft. Maybe I should rip that shirt off your back right now." "You know what, Scotty? Last week this wasn't so clear to me. But now it seems to be real clear. Maybe right now we just go one-on-one in Chicago." Judy holds back Buff. "Hey Mrs. Bagwell! Hey, you old bag!" Crowd: "Ooooh!" "I told your son if he got in my bidness he would have problems, and you would have problems. I should have slapped you last Monday Nitro - Marcus, you don't get her out right now, I'll put this old scalawag on the mat - you got that Jack?" And Buff pops him one. Crowd pops. Steiner Golottas him, then gives him a throat-drop on the top rope. Steiner rants on the mic a bit more, ending with "4 life." Then, he talks some more as we fade out. Hmmm. Maybe they're FINALLY going to not swerve us this time. Well, I'll wait another week.

Another shot of the owner's skybox, the horsemen, the women. We learn the "the General" is the godfather of Reid Flair - gee, that would have been a good thing for Bischoff to know, I guess.

NEVER SURRENDER JUVENTUD GUERRERA v. PRINCE IAUKEA (no entrance) - before the match starts, DISCO INFERNO is out to tell them that the crowd isn't here to see "JuvenStoogee and Prince Kuklafran&ollie wrestle, but insetad to see him dance." As soon as they hit his music, Iaukea hits him from behind and he drops from the apron to the floor. Iaukea rushes Guerrera but Guerrera ducks and clotheslines him to the floor. Whip, reversal, flying head scissors by Guerrera. KIDMAN is out with a chair and chasing Disco away. Meanwhile, Guerrera is having his way with the Prince. Back elbow turns the tide. Sunset flip for 2. Superkick and Juvi goes down. 1, 2, kickout. To the chinlock. We haven't seen Iaukea for a long time, by the way, just thought I'd mention it. Guerrera powers out but gets knocked down and there's another two count. "Promotional consideration" voice spontaneously interrupts commentators, but Tony's a trooper and ignores it. I missed some stuff in here but it's basically back and forth, more damage done from missing moves than hitting them, you know. Snap suplex by the Prince for 2. Again we're with the chinlock. Again Disco is sneaking out while they're battling in the ring. Chop by Juvi (woooo!), to the corner, whip out, foot up (yuck! barefoot!), to the other corner, up and over, Juvi grabs the nub and takes him to the apron. Top rope dropkick by Guerrera, nip up, Juvi driver hand motion - slam, nope I guess it's 450 time. He climbs the top rope but Disco pushes him off. Again Iaukea waffles him. Meanwhile, Juvi hits a Juvi Driver (he landed on his fit after flipping off the top rope after the push, ok) on a distracted Prince to score the pinfall (4:02) while Kidman grabs Disco and they brawl around the building. Play along with me at home: which one does not belong? Disco Inferno, Kidman, Juventud Guerrera....Prince Iaukea, yup.

KEVIN NASH is out in a FUBU jersey to make some noise of his own. Now I may not know much about this crazy business that, try as we might, we cannot help but love, but I do know one thing, and that one thing is this: Big Sexy is most definitely in the house. Nash says before he was a wrestler, he was a bouncer, and one thing that bouncers do well is beat up drunks. "Come on out Scott Hall, it's last call!" Hall staggers out, drunk - or pretending to be drunk? "Hey, yo! Hey Kev! Did you say 'last call?' Hey, make it a double, and give me a syxx to go. And hey, hey Big Sexy! You wanna fight? You wanna fight me? I'll fight ya. But I ain't gonna fight ya here, I'll fight ya down there. Down where? Down - HERE!" and the camera quickly changes views while Hall chops his crotch. Nash runs (sorta) after him and the camera follows. Hmm, I wonder if this is all a setup. Well, we follow Nash for a while, all the way to an exit - outside, a limo with Hall in it is pulling out. Nash (apparently) gets into his Caddie and (apparently) follows. Well, wait a minute, aren't Hall and Nash supposed to be in that giant six-man tag later tonight?

CHRIS MONDAY JERICHO v. RAVEN for the WCW World Television Title - We don't get Jericho's entrance, which I guess would presumably mean this may be an actual wrestling match as opposed to a comedy bit. Tony announces a six-man tag later in the show, we'll see. Lockup, to the corner, clean break (?), lockup, to the corner, nope, round and round they go, to the outside, where they break. Jericho invites him back in, then pulls him from behind and sends him to the barricade. "Those are Jericho's rules!" Jericho grabs a chair, but when he fails to unwrap the cables from it, he throws it down, then pushes David Penzer out of HIS chair and grabs that one. Back in the ring, Raven dropkicks the chair into Raven's face. Raven sets up the chair in the corner, then whips Jericho - no, reverse and RAVEN is whipped into the chair and now he's out of the ring. Raven tastes the STEEL post. Jericho runs at him, Raven steps aside and Jericho hits the post. Kick by Raven. Chair in the ring, Jericho in the ring, Raven in the ring. Drop toehold spot set up, whip, drop toehold, ow. Evenflow attempt - Jericho slips off and puts Raven in the Liontamer. Raven taps out (3:10) and apparently he's in a big losing streak, and this is a different Raven, and why did we notice this all of a sudden and what angle is going to come out of it? eh.

Third hour FIREWORKS! are *exactly* on time. Bravo! Coming up in the third hour, that match, this match, and don't you DARE forget THIS big match! But first, this ad break.

Promotional consideration paid for by WCW Bashin' Brawlers (oh man, stop the presses - joke promo of the year), Tootsie Treats, Electronic Hot Shot Basketball, America (ha!) Online, Tiger SportsFeel Electronic Games, and the Bill Clinton Growing Nose Watch (..the hell?)

MEAN GENE OKERLUND puts in his cameo for the night by TV-PG-DV interviewing RICK STEINER, who comes out not to his new music, but to "Steinerline." Man, I thought we lost that 45 once and for all. Before Rick can totally lose me, that MANIACAL LAUGHTER starts up, and on the video wall is the source of all this laughter - that's right, it's the movie star that's been so heavily hyped, it's ... it's ... CHUCKY. Apparently he has some relationship with Scott Steiner, fuck this. I ain't gonna describe it. I'm doing you a favor by NOT describing it. It's so lame, I just KNOW we'll see it on THUNDER!, Saturday Night, next week's Nitro and the rest of my pathetic life. Do they TRY to lower the bar EVERY SINGLE FUCKIN' WEEK? I honestly thought they couldn't do worse than that Warrior-in-the-mirror crap last week. What the hell was I smoking?

Tomorrow, WCW and NWO take over QVC. Spend money! Subsidize this garbage! LET THE POWERS THAT BE KNOW THAT THEY'RE DOING THE RIGHT THING!

The Awesome 3 talk about the six-man tag - gee, now it might not happen with Hall and Nash out of the building. Who'dathunkit? Well anyway, Giant/Goldberg later, and "truly, one of the biggest tag team matches ever, if not *THE* biggest tag team match ever!" All I want to know is who could possibly turn out of those four? Since we've had no action this segment, let's take an ad break!

I hear the theme from "NWO Monday Nitro," which must mean CRACKA EAZY-E is out to make noise. Isn't it great that Bischoff reminds us of one of the (formerly) dumbest moments in Monday Nitro history with EVERY walk to the ring? He's got words for MacArthur, he runs the company, he leases the building, he doesn't want Flair in the building, he calls out J.J. DILLON and DOUG DILLINGER who come down - hey, remember when Bischoff was suspended? Bischoff says he wants to go to the skybox now and he means now, so Dillenger leads the way, with Bischoff and Dillon in tow. Fortunately for us, we can follow them on that long walk - see Bischoff pelted with garbage! See a shot of the crowd! We cut to a shot of the Awesome 3 who have to fill some time while they get to the skybox. This is a thing I like to call "dead air." Crowd chants "We want Flair." With a little more time to kill, Schiavone reminds us that Reid Flair took down Bischoff twice just last week on Nitro - we finally cut to a shot of Bischoff (hair slicked back from all the drinks thrown at him). Bischoff demands that Flair be thrown out - MacArthur answers the door and tells Bischoff he was trying to be nice, but...well, Bischoff cuts him off and tells him to throw Flair out. MacArthur tries to 'splain it one more time, finally Bischoff shoves him, and that's it. The security turn on Bischoff and take him down. Dillinger has a shit-eatin' grin on his face, and Tony makes fun of him. Tony says "is this great TV or what?" Wellll... Anyway, he's cuffed and escorted away...well, they say he's hogtied. They get in an elevator - the doors close - the doors open because there's too many people in there - they quickly cut to the commentators, who show unrestrained joy. Some woman who isn't Bruce's wife gives him a big ol' mouth kiss. Flair Riverdances. Let's take an ad break, no wait, we're still here. Looking at the commentators again. Tony calls for some replays. I'm guessing that RAW is in a commercial break right now because they NEVER take ad breaks while RAW is in an ad break. Commentators are STILL talking. Look at Heenan and Schiavone share a fake laugh. We cut to backstage where they haven't decided how to get Bischoff out where the camera can follow them - do they PLAN this stuff out beforehand? We cut back to the commentators, who hype the upcoming matches. And NOW we're back to backstage where they've finally found a way to get Bischoff from point A to point B. An unmarked car complete with flashing red light speeds away, and NOW we mercifully take an ad break.

By the way, how does this advance the Horsemen angle? <-- rhetorical question

This portion of WCW Monday Nitro is brought to you by 1-800-COLLECT!

Goldberg T-shirt ad (again).

(bill "149-0" [I guess he really DIDN'T lose by countout to Jericho last Thursday on THUNDER!, hmm?] ) GOLDBERG v. NO SMOKIN' GIANT in a "no DQ" match for the WCW World Heavyweight Championship - Dillenger didn't have enough time to get back to the dressing room, so we see some other guy walking Goldberg to the entryway. This (probable) 150th victory is hyped as a big milestone for Goldberg - man, it'd be sweet if he lost, wouldn't it? Lockup, nothing. Lockup, to the corner, big blow from the Giant, Goldberg roars. Giant with a dropkick!! To the corner, repeated knees from Giant. Whip, follow lariat. Side Russian legsweep by Giant. Headbutt. Head to the turnbuckle. Repeat. Goldberg blocks, and blocks again. Goldberg takes Giant's head to the turnbuckle. Twice. Spinning kick. He bodyslams the Giant (!) Wow! And here's STEVIE RAY with a chair - good thing it's no DQ! Chairshot is no-sold but when he turns around, Giant chokeslams him! 1, DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE with an elbowdrop to break it up. Stevie Ray gets a diamond cutter. Giant is ready to chokeslam Page, but Goldberg spears him. Everybody scatters. Aww, give me a break. Giant is going to be counted out (entrance 2:45, match 2:47) and we'll take an ad break as Goldberg tells Page he's next, or something.

Let Us Take You Back To Earlier Tonight As Eric Bischoff Is Escorted To A Better Place And I Can't Stop Capitalising Words

Shot of the big party in the skybox - why not. God grant me the strength to get through these last twenty minutes

Hey look, it's the Nitro Girls!

MICHAEL BUFFER is out to kill some time with ring introductions. He has the unmitigated gall to refer to the upcoming event as the greatest event in the history of Monday Nitro. Hey Buffer, blow me. Before a SINGLE introduction, let's take an ad break!

As Hart and Hogan come out together (to the NWO theme!) they Penzerize Buffer's mic so that we can't hear the introductions, then they figure it out and fix it. Hey, they don't pay this guy so only the people in the arena can hear him! That's Penzer's job! Remember, friends, Mortal Kombat follows Nitro. As Sting comes out, I am reminded that that great big 6-man tag match didn't happen - or will it happen after this match? Somehow, I doubt it. Tony reminds me that this is the Warrior's first wrestling match on Nitro. I FINALLY hear what Warrior's mumbling at the beginning of his theme, and it is this: "The target is scoped and locked for destruction. Take the target out." I think that was a line from one of his straight-to-video movie releases. Warrior runs to the ring and shakes the ropes - well, he BETTER. Crowd actually seems to get pumped for him here. The Batsignal is displayed on the wall. Will we go straight into the match? Why, maybe we WILL!

YOU KNOW WHO & BRET HART v. (THIS IS) STING & MR. DESTRUCITY - notice I've managed to get this far without saying "Blade Runners-" oops. Hart & Hogan spend a lot of time conferring outside the ring, 'cause there's ten minutes left in the show and they CERTAINLY can't waste it all with WRESTLING. I keep waiting for someone to turn on someone else. Hogan is in and pointing to Sting, which commentatorss point to as a sign of cowardice. Finally, the bell rings on this megasupermain event. Lockup, to the corner, Hogan to the eyes, repeated rights, blatant choke, Sting ducks a clothesline and hits one of his own. Atomic drop by Sting. Hogan loses his 'do-rag! In the corner, lotsa punches, kicks, chops. Hogan falls over and reaches for Hart, who hesitates, then tags. Slowly, Hart enters the ring. Lockup, to the corner, Hart strikes and misses. Sting with the punch. Now the ten punch count along by Sting. Kick and Hogan is in to stop the damage, hitting Sting from behind. Warrior wants in but referee "Blind" Scott Dickinson stops him, which means he's distracted enough for Hart to Golotta Sting from behind and under. Hart goes to work, forearm to the face, head to the abdomen, second rope elbowdrop, cover, kickout at 2. Hmm, STILL haven't seen Warrior wrestle in WCW. Again Warrior is goaded into the ring and again Sting is Golotta'd (this time by Hogan) while Dickinson is keeping Warrior from doing anything illegal. Repeated chokes for 4 by Hogan. Right hand and Sting goes down. Hogan steps on his head and uses the ropes for leverage until the 4 count. Sting meets Hart's boot, and Hart is tagged in. Doubleteam hard into the turnbuckle. Again Warrior distracts the ref and the doubleteam continues. Sweet DDT by Hart, but only a 2 count. Hart argues the count, then goes back to Sting. Side Russian legsweep by Hart. Legdrop by Hart. Sting manages an inside cradle for 2. Hart is quickly back on him. Backbreaker. Hart to the second rope but the elbowdrop with a twist misses. Sting manages to tag Warrior even though Hart has the heel. Clothesline and Hart goes down. Another clothesline. Another clothesline. Damn, he hasn't lost a thing, har har. Hogan comes in from behind and whacks him. Warrior no-sells and wags a finger at Hogan. Hogan acts suitably scared. Well, here's NWO HOLLYWOOD come out to cause the DQ. (5:40) The ring fills with eerie smoke (and garbage - Hart is trying to shield his eyes from flying debris) but Giant and Hogan have thrown the Warrior out of the ring so he won't disappear (or so the commentators say - sheesh) Sting has a baseball bat AND a cricket bat and Vincenzo gets Scorpion Death Dropped. Warrior, meanwhile, has stolen Hogan's weight belt and whipe anybody he can find with it. Warrior singlehandedly chases off the ENTIRE New World Order. With Hogan's belt, apparently. Oh, I don't know. I give up. See you next week.

[slash] wrestling



Copyright (C) 1998, 1999 Christopher Robin Zimmerman & KZiM Communications