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/23 November 1998

WCW Nitro




TV-PG-DV We are once again LIVE from the Van Andel Arena in Grand Rapids, MI, 23.11.98 for WCW MONDAY NITRO! Can you feel the excitement? Can you smell the FIREWORKS? Can you see the Nitro Girls? Or should that be, can you see the FIREWORKS and smell, wait...anyway, IT'S HOUR ONE! ("Shoot it in the right direction")

Your hosts are Tony Schiavone, Mike Tenay, and thelivinglegend Larry Zbys- whoops, lost him. He heard some cheering people. What's left of the Treacherous Three talk about last night's World War 3 battle royal, won by Kevin Nash, making him the #1 Contender to face Goldberg at Starrcade, where he will win because he holds the book. But more importantly, a cloud of mystery hung heavy over the event, as Hollywood Hogan did not appear. We don't know what's up with that, but Hogan will appear on the Tonight Show on Thanksgiving to 'splain it to us. Still frames from World War 3 show the genuine excitment that that exciting, three-ring, 60-man intense action that you can only get Where the Big Boys Play(tm) - oh and Bam Bam Bigelow put in his token appearance. Anyway, Nash won, and you didn't miss anything by not shelling out your thirty clams to watch it. We are fortunate to start with an actual MATCH:

MEAN MIKE ENOS v. THE NARCISSIST - oops, well, it's ALMOST like a match. Enos has new music which sounds "Mean." I guess. Tony says he has a major announcement for this program later on: Eric Bischoff and Ric Flair will have a confrontation! I hope it isn't one of those patented ten second main events I'm always hearing about. Lex Luger is a big goof who doesn't belong in the Wolfpack, but that's just MODO. If this match is like any other Luger match, it'll be about eleven minutes too long, Enos will get in WAY too much offense, and Luger will pull a torture rack out of his ass to win. Now, should I bother with the call? Ah, hell, the show's just starting, let's start on a positive note and see if we can carry it for three hours. Luger big poses and Enos gives a not nice hand gesture in return. Finally big lockup, no, they push away. This is, like, "feeling out." Big lockup, big side headlock by Luger, Enos powers out, big shoulderblock and Enos goes down. Big "roaring lion" pose by Luger. Enos tells the crowd to shut up. Big lockup, big side headlock, Enos takes him off his feet but Luger holds on. This match is slow enough to give the commentary time plenty of time to talk about World War 3. Enos to the ropes, power out, dueling hiptoss attempts, big hiptoss from Luger. Big scoop slam. Big whip, big back elbow, Enos decides to take a powder. Luger with a big pose to the crowd. Enos takes his sweet time getting back in the ring but does so. Luger with a big suplex attempt but Enos manages to poke the eyes and drop Luger's big throat across the top rope. Enos back in, and he hits another throat on the top rope. Enos with a clothesline. Cover, 1, 2, no. "Enos has come to fight!" Whip, kick to the gut - piledriver attempt? YES! 1, 2, big kickout! Yeah, sure he had a chance to win. Rear chinlock applied. Tenay says that with that count, Enos was on the verge of stardom. Luger is feeling the crowd and delivers the big elbow to power out. But he runs into a powerslam for another near fall. Back to the chinlock. Crowd brings up the noise and Luger hits the big elbows to get out. Clothesline ducked, big kick to the gut, big punch to the head, another big punch, a third big punch, a big whip into the opposite corner, but Enos puts up a shoulder to stop the big charge. Enos places Luger on the top turnbuckle. What now? He climbs to the second rope - Luger with the big push and Enos flies off. LUGER WITH A BIG FLYING CLOTHESLINE OFF THE TOP! How about that? Big running clothesline, big repeat. Enos on the turnbuckle - BIG SUPERPLEX! I didn't know Luger knew so many big moves. 1, 2, ENOS KICKS OUT! because it isn't the Rack. Enos with a jawbreaker counter. Running Lariat and Enos poses. Enos, unfortunately, follows it up by running into a big powerslam. And here's the big Torture rack. I *guess* it was okay, but you know what would have really been cool? If Luger had lost, and then NEVER WRESTLED AGAIN. (6:20) 10-10-321 sponsors the replay. Tony's excited because we've got so much to go.

Outside we see Goldberg get out of a limo. We also see Konnan and Kevin Nash exiting a limo behind them. Konnan: "Hey if you took World War 3 last night, what does that make you?" Nash and Konnan: "NEEEEEXT!" Goldberg: "Being next ain't a safe place to be there, ask your girlfriend." *THIS* is what we'll get when Nash has the book! I'm not going to say it's good or it's bad...yet. Maybe you've already figured out your own opinion...and mine.

WCW/NWO Home Video Releases - Superstar Series - Sting - Macho Man - videos - ad. Wottadeal!

This portion of WCW Monday Nitro is brought to you by Snickers!

GENE O. works tonight! He interviews KIDMAN, who tells us once again that when you hold that belt, you really get the chicks. Kidman asks REY MYSTERIO, JR. to come out 'cause he's got some words. Those words are that he's really proud he left the LWO last night at World War 3, and he'd be happy to give him a title shot at the World Cruiserweight Championship. Rey makes it a Mutual Admiration Society and thanks him for the shot. Then as Kidman leaves, EDDIE GUERRERO and EL ANONYMOSO are out. Eddie reminds Rey that he signed a contract and he's still in the LWO. He has a new LWO shirt for Rey to wear - a shirt which matches the expectations that Guerrero has for him. It's an XXXXXXL shirt. Eddie says that he's bound by the contract, and he's bound by Raza. Rey agrees to put the shirt on - hmm, that's a dead ringer for one of Konnan's ponchos. Completely lost in this storyline is the irony that Eddie has BECOME Eric Bischoff in this angle, which is about 180 degrees from the way he started out. Hey Eddie, you stuck around for this?

THAT OLD BLACK MAGIC NORMAN SMILEY (orange) v. CHRIS "GOD OF RSPW" BENOIT - Smiley's pec flex bothers me. His tights and matching boots bother me. That dance he's started doing *especially* bothers me. I don't know. Dueling waistlocks, snapmare by Smiley, hard kick to the back. Benoit pops up and slaps the taste out of his mouth. Smiley looks really unhappy now. Test of strength knucklelock, Benoit kicks and goes behind, holding the knucklelock, Smiley gets out, holds on with one hand and flips him over to the canvas. Smiley does the "beatin' ya ho" dance not realising that Benoit is standing behind him. Fists a'flyin', kicks a'rainin', PATENTED DOUBLE OKIE BLOW! You know, if he starts doing that EVERY match, it won't be cool. Armdrag, reversal, whip, knee to the gut by Smiley. Smiley stomps, slaps hard, adjusts his tights, to the corner we go. Another open hand slap by Smiley, uppercut, whip out to the opposite corner, scoop, twist, slam. Smiley does the "Hiawatha" pose. I guess he's a heel now. Smiley works on the arm, Benoit reverses as they whip out. There's a triple rolling German suplex by Benoit with a release. Thumb-'cross-the-throat gesture by Benoit - which means it's time for the swandive headbutt which connects and hurts Benoit just as much. WHY does he do that? Oh well, he's God so I won't quesiton him. Crippler crossface is applied, thank you, come again (3:11). We immediately go to ad break without even a replay. Boy, way to push those Horsemen!

WCW/NWO Revenge ad.

Promotional Consideration paid for by Slim Jim, You Don't Know Jack: tabletop version, Jim Palmer's House of Mortgages, Superman the videogame (no, not the Atari one), the CLUB, and Tiger SportsFeel Electronic Games.

Nitro Party. They probably get together like that EVERY night.

Stills from last night's World War 3 shows Scott Hall's excommunication from the NWO that he founded. Kevin Nash helped Hall clear the ring. Afterwards, Hall extended the hand but Nash wouldn't be burned again. Later that night, Hall helped Nash to win the battle royal, proving his loyalty to Nash and bringing the Outsiders back together once and for all. No, actually, that isn't what happened at all, because THAT would have made SENSE. Nash dumped Luger and Hall to win the battle royal and Hall is still a Lone Wolf.

KEVIN NASH, KONNAN, and THE TOTAL WOLFPACKAGE are out to kill some time with interviews. Now that Kevin Nash is the primary input for the storylines, I don't exactly know that things are actually going to be better than they were before. They'll probably be different, but better? I don't know. There are actually quite a few things that I don't know, but I have to tell you, and it may come as a surprise, but there is one thing that I do know. And that one that the Wolfpack is most definitely in the house. Konnan quotes three different rap songs, all of which suck, but all of which are miles ahead of his crap single. Luger says Nash dumped him but it's all good because they're together for life, and that he doesn't really have a catchphrase, but he is Sting's best friend. Nash actually mentions Macho Man and Sting in his spiel! Hey, maybe he'll bring back consistency? "Whether you like it or not, I'M NEXT!" and then he laughs like it's just the damn funniest thing he's ever said in his life. Crowd chants "Goldberg" to piss Nash off but other parts of the crowd outchant them. "When he's got a 1 behind that 190, it's GONNA BE MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" and then he does his Elvis impersonation. Well, a month ago I guess this would have been Eric and Hogan. Six of one, half a dozen of the other? Nash looks happy as a clam, giving the sign to approximately everybody next to the railing. Tony calls Nash/Goldberg "literally a dream match."

Backstage, we see Gene O. catch up to the 'pack. Okerlund presses the issue, he didn't say "Scott Hall" once in that interview. Nash is breathing hard from his earlier interview, and walk to the back. He says that Scott Hall will have to prove himself before he trusts him. Before this interview is over, Goldberg walks by. He calls himself the truck that's going to run him over. Man, I've heard Goldberg talk TWICE tonight! Is this going to turn into a bonafide FEUD? Nash suggests cutting back on the caffeine.

Starrcade is 27 December! Call and order it NOW! Before you change your mind in the next five weeks!

Closed captioning (where available) sponsored by Jolly Time's BLAST OF BUTTER IN YOUR POPCORN HOLE!

TOKYO MAGNUM v. KANYON - or is it? When Kanyon's theme plays, we see an empty entranceway. The camera walks back and takes a peek - and sees Kanyon in the darkness telling RAVEN that he said he was going to come out with him. "Come on, you're thirty years old - it's time you got OVER this." Raven stays seated and compares Kanyon to his own mother, or something. Well anyway. Kanyon takes the mic. "As you know - forget it. Ya ain't gonna get it right anyway." MY FAVOURITE KANYON SHTICK OF ALL TIME!" Kanyon casts a longing gaze to the entryway where Raven isn't, so Tokyo tries the inside cradle but only gets 2. Nice dropkick. To the corner, chop (woooo!) - whip, reversal, boot up, bulldog, fancy dance. Tokyo's Ten Punch Count Along is only six. And they're elbows. Oh well. Kanyon pokes the eyes, climbs the ropes and there's a superRussian legsweep for 2. Right hand by Kanyon. Kicks in the corner. Another right. Tony's started to talk about Hogan. Armwringer into a pumphandle, nope, he whips him down into a pinning predicament. Only 2. Tokyo manages a Sunset flip for 2. Inside cradle but only 2. Punch, whip, hiptoss attempt is countered with a Flatliner. 1, 2, 3. Let's call it (2:02) since new referee "Blind" Brady Boone forgot to call for the opening bell, I'm guessing. Kanyon does his Titanic spiel and then goes looking for Raven again.

Lee Marshall narrates the Snickers Pin on a Map Road Report - Nitro will be in the UTC Arena in Chattanooga, Tennessee next Monday!

DDP T shirt ad. Buy the shirt!

Hey look, it's the Nitro Girls! There will be no THUNDER! on Thursday due to crazy American holiday. Spice and Tygress do that butt-wiggle thing that's taking the Nation by storm (I know 'cause I saw it in a LUKE video once!)

PLEASE send in your Nitro Party tapes! We can only hope that they finally cut this crap out after this one's over at the end of the year.

GLACIER v. BOBBY DUNCUM, JR. - "Hey, Glacier, if you job to this guy we'll let you have your *entire* entrance one more time, whaddaya say?" Glacier's entrance is a Goldberg-esque length of time. (2:00 exactly!) Duncum's theme sucks, his cowboy outfit sucks, and WCW already has 256 people and they don't need one more. Lockup, Duncum pushes him away, lockup into the corner, to another corner, they're not breaking, referee "Blind" Billy Silverman forces the issue. Lockup, no, something by Glacier, Dunum with the headbutt, now the side headlock, punch, resume headlock, to the rope, to the other rope, Glacier tries to power out and AGAIN he holds on. Finally Glacier gets out awith punches (or karate thrusts, you call it), Duncum hits a shoulderblock with such might that Glacier's now on the floor. Duncum has his bullrope but Silverman says "This isn't the WWF and you aren't Justin 'Hawk' Bradshaw." Duncum says "I should have been!" and goes outside to lariat Glacier on the floor. Here's a whip into the barricade. Here's some knees. We're back in the ring and Duncum hits a top rope clothesline (just like Luger!) for 2. Whip into the corner, walks into a kick, though. Faceslam by Glacier for 2. Apparently not a CRYONIC kick. Glacier with Dastardly Cheating. Punch, whip, reversal, Duncum with the big boot, and a lariat. Tony talks about Scott Hall. Slam. Elbowdrop from a Vaderbomb position for 2. Whip into the opposite corner, Glacier reverses and AGAIN runs into a big boot. Duncum runs into a powerslam, but it's only 1. Whip, Glacier puts his head down and eats a punch. DDT by Duncum for 2. Duncum AGAIN goes for the bullrope, he sure is stupid. Glacier with punches but Duncum hits a fullnelson reverse slam and rolls him over - 1, 2, 3. (4:33) And NOW they play completely different music for him. Desperado Joe Gomez runs out and says "That's MY music!" Well, he doesn't, but if he was any kind of a man, he WOULD have.

We tipped over into the second hour there, but they forgot to tell us - maybe they're worried we'll all change the channel or something. :) Gene O. welcomes NO-SMOKIN' GIANT to the ring, who's wearing his Andre uniform. Larry takes a REAL low blow and makes fun of Tony's weight. I *never* do that, by the way. Gene goes to great lengths to make it sound like it's *totally* Kevin Nash's fault that Giant was eliminated in the battle royal. Giant calls Nash a lot of mean names, says "damn," and I think he calls him out somewhere in there, too, but Nash is chicken. Giant says that he wants Goldberg tonight, and when he beats him, then Nash will HAVE to come to him 'cause he'll have the belt. Giant says "balls" and it's muted. I guess later we'll find out if we have Goldberg/Giant. Again.

WCW on tour - in a city near you - if you're in Augusta, Johnson City, or Knoxville. This Friday, tickets go on sale for Nitro in Atlanta!

TV-PG-DV seven minutes late WHO CARES it's the SECOND BIG HOUR OF NITRO! ("Make making it your intention")

SILVER KING v. PERRY SATURN, A VERY HANDSOME MAN in a "Coolest Vest" match - Silver King says a whole bunch of cool stuff that I, speaking mostly English, don't comprehend. Saturn again is given his first name back. Saturn gets the mic before the match and lays some smack down on the Cat - and I think I speak for a great big group of people when I say that Cat/Saturn is the kind of feud that the unwashed masses have REALLY been yearning for. Lockup, gobehind, reversal, reversal, hside headlock, power out, shoulderblock by Saturn, back 'n' forth, Silver King does his Rey Mysterio spin and Saturn hits a drop toehold. Saturn takes him over again, arm wringer, Saturn doing his Scott Hall impression. To the corner, eyerake by King, whip into the opposite corner, follow lariat. Big chop (woooo!) - cool springboard legwhip, cool somersault legdrop for 2. Stiff kick. God I love Silver King, why does he have to lose this match? Moonsault finds nobody but he lands on his feet. Saturn hits a clothesline. Saturn with a bodyslam. Second rope springboard guillotine legdrop. TO the corner, Saturn kicks upstairs and higher upstairs, now he's stomping a mudhole into him (I think). Picks him up and hangs him on the top rope, King slides outside and Saturn follows. I hear lots of boots which means that THREE TIME WORLD KARATE CHAMPION CAT & SONNY ONOO are out to talk. Slightly funny bit has Cat saying the crowd can kiss his "big, black" Onoo: "Shutyomouth!" Cat: "I'm only sayin' I'm the greatest!" Unfortunately, Onoo fails to say the obvious comeback. "Then I can dig it!" Anyway, Saturn hits a couple suplex variants, the Spicolli Driver and Silver King disappears from Nitro for another month. There's no justice in this world, my friends, and until there is, there can be no peace. (3:46)

The Treacherous Three surprise no one by revealing that tonight there'll be a Goldberg/Giant match tonight for the title. Stipulation: There must be a winner. Make your own joke with that one. Hey, you think the Giant will win? Has he re-signed yet?

Let Us Take You to more stills from that 60-man so'n'so - Kevin Nash directed traffic and six men managed to dump Giant over the top rope.

(billy) KIDMAN v. XXXXXXL REY MYSTERIO, JR. for the World Cruiserweight Championship - the music guy starts to play Mysterio's music, then remembers to play Eddie's music instead. The music guy isn't on it tonight. Have I told you before Kidman's music reminds me an awful lot of "Dirt" by Death in Vegas? I have? Ok, I won't say it again. You think Kidman will ever get HIS first name back? I predict this match will be great until I see Juvi show his face. Lockup, wristlock by Kidman, Kidman in control. Rey hooks the head and throws him. over, under, through, Rey with elbows, to the corner, out of the corner, reversal, reversal, up top, face first to the canvas. Rey with the bronco buster! Well, got that spot out of the way. Rey poses. Now Rey is to Kidman - head to the gut, nice flying headscissors by Kidman. Whip, over, on his feet, up around his neck, punching away, over the top rope and both men crash to the floor. Rey with the elbow to the head and where are they going? Whip into the barricade, reversal, Rey stands on his head ON THE BARRICADE and drops down into a headscissors, Kidman's heel hitting the STEEL steps on the way down. Awesome. Rey follows up, whip into the canvas. Rey tries another headscissors but Kidman drops his face on the apron. Kidman breaks the count, now both men are back in. Kidman with the guillotine over the top rope to come in and score a near fall. To the read chinlock. Whew. Rey elbows out, off the ropes, slide under, dropkick to the knees. Rey's on the second rope - springs off and hits a legdrop to the back of the neck - only 2. To the corner, whip out, reversal, charge, over the top rope, quick shot, plancha off the top by Kidman for 2. Kick to the gut, whip, Rey spins, Kidman charges and flies over the top rope to the floor. Rey with a somersault press - wahoo! Rey boots him in the head and throws him back in. Rey on the apron - springboard plancha is countered with a Kidman dropkick. Referee "Blind" Charles Robinson puts on the ten count. At 6, Kidman covers and gets a near fall. Kidman pulls back the arm into an abdominal stretch-like submission hold. Rey fails to give up. It'd be funny if he just quit here, though. Back up we go, Kidman whips him, Rey puts up a boot, but runs into a powerslam. 2 for Kidman. Elbow from Kidman, whip, reversal, up and over the top rope in the corner - Rey with several peppering blows, springs up to the second rope - moonsault, no he's caught, Rey pushes him into the corner. Comin' back, kick to the gut, hope up, Kidman tries to catch him and slam him - who knows what Rey just did - I think that was a facebuster in there somewhere. I watched it three times and I still can't describe it. 2 count. Whip, reversal, big clothesline off the ropes as Rey staggers backwards - 2 count. Whip into the ropes, duck, Rey is up, catches his hair and slams his face to the mat. 1, 2, no. Rey climbs the corner - Kidman is up and knocks out the leg from under him. "You are there" camera angle makes me dizzy. Kidman climbs the corner, Rey punches back - powerbomb off the top for 2. Kidman holds, on tornado bulldog (?) and he climbs the ropes. Rey is up and he's on him. Superplex! Both men stay down. Rey motions to the crowd - he's gonna fly. Springboard - Kidman catches him into a powerbomb. Oh boy, EDDIE GUERRERO & JUVENTUD GUERRERA are out. Eddie on the apron - Kidman dropkicks him. Kidman with a PESCADO on Eddie! Meanwhile, Juvi gets Rey in the Juvi Driver. Attacking his stablemate? Kidman hits the shooting star press, having no clue what's happened in the ring. 1, 2, 3. (9:47) Well, I guess I can't complain if I get a rematch. This match kicks the ass of EVERY Kidman/Guerrera match. Yes it does. Get Juvi the hell away from these guys.

DDP T-shirt ad. Again.

Gene O. is in the ring with CRACKA EAZY-E. Bischoff says it's time he and Flair settled their issue once and for all. The way he's setting it up, you KNOW Flair isn't coming out. Bobby Heenan has joined the broadcast location - holy shit! It really *is* THE MAN and not Buff dressed up as Flair or some other horseshit. Sorry for being so cynical, Eric. This time. "I am overwhelmed with the fact that in Grand Rapids, Michigan tonight, you - YOU - not only have the guts but have extended me the courtesy of standing eye-to-eye with ya pal, it's long overdue." "As I said earlier, you deserve that. You definitely deserve that. Because Ric, this thing between you and I has affected your family, it's affected my family, it's affected everybody in this arena and everybody in this arena, and everybody in this industry, and it's time to put an end to it. One of the things that you're gonna have to understand, and I think you'll agree with this, contractually, we've argued this point enough now, we both know it, I run this company, and even you have to acknowledge that." "I'll acknowledge that even a man like Ted Turner makes a few mistakes along the way, and you're one of 'em." "Be that as it may, I do run this company. And now that we've settle that, let's settle one more thing. You came out here last week and talked about how you were gonna hire Barry Windham? You were gonna bring him into the company? Ric Flair, we can agree and disagree but one thing that we can't agree on is that you have the ability to hire or fire anybody. And to make it abundantly clear, I'd like to bring out Barry Windham right now, and let's bring an end to it." BARRY WINDHAM walks to the ring and hi-fives Flair. "I believe the ball's in your court." "Indeed it is, and with that in mind I wanna point something out to ya, let me predict the future for you Ric Flair, because you DO have a future here in WCW, there's no doubt about that. The man that's standing to your right, the man who was one of the Original IV Horsemen, your runnin' buddy for the last - 10, 12, 15 or 140 years, whatever the case may be, is the same man who's gonna look you in the eye right here tonight, and he is gonna knock you flat on your ass. (not muted)" "You know, I came out here to be on any ground you wanted. You wanted to fight, we were gonna fight. If you wanted to call each other names, we'd do that. But the one thing I'm gonna make you understand before I ever go anywhere, is tradition. This guy has walked the aisle, this guy is talent. He's not office, he's paid the price. He was a Horsemen, if he wants to be, he will be again, and you're gonna have to understand, tradition is alive in this sport, Bischoff." "And one thing YOU'RE going to have to understand is that I have the power." And then Bischoff pastes him. Flair goes nuts on Bischoff and the crowd also goes nuts. But, then, Windham waffles Flair from behind. Flair gets a brief flurry on Windham but Windham manages to take him down and deliver a big elbow to the knee. Windham takes him out with a KO punch. Then he puts a chinlock on Flair and Bischoff rains karate kicks on him. Hmmm, where's the rest of the Horsemen already? Windham still stomping on him. NOW the HORSEMEN are out to make the save, but the rest of the NWO was lying in wait. Benoit, Malenko, and McMichael are all on the floor and NWO guys are all over them. Bischoff and Windham leave Flair lying in the ring, while Adams, Norton, Horace, Stevie Ray, Vincent, and hopefully a lot of others, take out the other three. Bischoff says that Malenko can take on Bret Hart later tonight. Hmm, didn't see Hart out with the NWO...well, anyway. Flair came back for THIS?

The Awesome 3 talk about how brilliant Eric Bischoff is for his Master Plan to work to perfection. Tony: "They've wiped out the Horsemen, that's what they did!" Hey, fuck you Tony. You don't have to try SO DAMN HARD hard to play into this jive. Let Us Take You Back to World War 3 where Konnan and Stevie Ray fought for no good reason, and Booker T had a confrontation with his brother.

KONNAN v. BOOKER T. - This match will rule or suck solely on whether or not Booker T wins. Tony says the Horsemen have left the arena for now...except Malenko, apparently. Lockup, nothing. Lockup, T goes behind and keeps the pressure on the wrist. Konnan reverses, Booker T elbows out. Assorted blows by Booker T into the headlock, power out, T runs over him. Lockup, armbar by Booker T, back 'n' forth with wristlocks, off the ropes, clothesline by Konnan, you suck Konnan. Booker T wants the test of strength. Knuckle lock is on and Booker is in control, so Konnan kicks it away but BOoker T hits the clothesline. Whip off the ropes, back elbow by T, cover, 1, 2, no. Later tonight, Hart/Malenko, Goldberg/Giant, Nash/Wrath. Huh? Konnan manages a faceslam for 2. Whip, duck, back kick by Konnan, another faceslam. Konnan has one move and he sucks. To the corner, T holds on, kick, kick, kick, he's raisin' the roof. Kick, axe kick. STEVIE RAY is walking out to make sure we get no result of this match. Booker T misses an elbowdrop but breakdance back in. Ray cracks Konnan's noggin with the blackjack (or, if you're stupid, "slapjack") in plain view of referee "Blind" Billy Silverman, who has no choice but to call for the bell. (DQ 4:50ish) Booker T. is rather unhappy that Stevie Ray would do the do. Stevie Ray says he beat Konnan in three minutes last night and Booker couldn't handle him in ten (well....), so where's his head at? T: "Look man, I don't need you comin' out here in my matches. I can handle my business. You just handle yours with your NWO brothers." Ray: "I tell you one thing, my brothers stick with me. You better learn what's goin' on and look at what's happening.

DDP T-shirt ad. Again. Again. Do they have a full warehouse they need to empty or something?

Gene O. interviews the TV-PG-DV ratings box which puts us darn close to the third hour. BRET HART is introduced to the ring. We'll never get to see Hart beat Hogan, will we. "Look at me, I'm a mess, I didn't sleep very good at all last night. I should be the United States Heavyweight Champion right now, and all these animals out here think they - they're so happy, and full, fed and satisfied. But Dallas Page, you want to call THAT a victory? That cheap, shallow, feeble victory last night? It was cheap. And Dallas Page is cheap. And he's a punk. You people are punks! I'll start with whoever I want Gene, you got a problem with that? Dallas Page, I know you're back there and you think that this is all over with and you're on to the next guy. That's not the case, 'cause I'm not gonna stop here. I want a rematch, I want some kind of a rematch, 'cause that was the PITS last night, so I'm gonna set an example of each and every opponent that I step in the ring with, and it just so happens I guess - I guess Dean Malenko's got a bad leg...yeah, that's a rough break, that's a rough business. It's a dirty job, but I'm gonna have to take Dean Malenko's leg and throw it into the crowd, 'cause I'm gonna beat the hell out of Dean Malenko - and Dallas Page I want you to sit back in that dressing room and I want you to watch, 'cause I'm gonna do it to everybody until you get the guts to put that title on the line and step into the ring with me just one more time."

Promotional consideration paid for by Electronic Hot Shot Basketball, NFL Quarterback Club '99 by Acclaim, America (ha!) Online, 1-800-HAIR CLUB, the Clinton Growing Nose Watch, and XG2 from Acclaim.

Hey, look, it's the Nitro Girls! It's about time to kick off the third hour, seven minutes late! ("Live those dreams, scheme those schemes") Tonight, Goldberg/Giant! Hart/Malenko! Nash/Wrath! Speaking of which...

WRATH v. KEVIN NASH (with the book) - the story here is that like Goldberg, Wrath has a lengthy undefeated streak. Will Nash dent it, as we all know he will at Starrcade? Did you know this is the first time in nearly two months Nash has wrestled in a singles match on Nitro? Couldn't be 'cause he has the book, could it? While Nash makes his slow walk to the ring, Tony continues to remind us what an idiot he is by suggesting that Hogan has a real chance to become president. They stand eye to eye and Wrath gives him a naughty gesture, then Nash chops his crotch. Lockup, to the corner, Wrath with knees to the midsection instead of the clean break. Couple slaps, some more knees, whip into the opposit corner, back elbow from Nash. To the rope, whip, reversal, Wrath puts up a bit boot and Nash runs into it. When he gets up, BIG dropkick from Wrath and Nash goes outside. Nash slowly makes his way back into the ring. Lockup, knee to the midsection by Nash, punch, knee to the gut, knee again, elbow, measured elbow, every move punctuated with a "push the hair out of the eyes" move. Nash picks him up for Snake Eyes, but Wrath fights out, kidney punches him, drops him with a belly-to-back, he's on the top turnbuckle, flying clothesline from the top for 2. Wrath puts the boots to him. Lightning elbowdrops by Wrath, leg is hooked, that's only 2. Wrath puts him in the corner, kick to the gut, whip into the opposite corner, Nash comes back with a big boot. Sidewalk slam (uncalled) for 2. Whip into the ropes, Wrath ducks and hits a big shoulderblock for 2. Kick to the gut, whip into opposite corner, reverse, Nash follows with a lariat, whip off the ropes, big boot. Nash looks annoyed. Shoulderstraps come down. There's a jackknife powerbomb. 1, 2, 3. So long Wrath. You did not have the power. You do not hold the book. (4:45)

Gene O. welcomes CHRIS MONDAY JERICHO, who continues to set new records for amazing hair tricks. Jericho reminds us that we're all Jerichoholics and he's Our Role Model. Okerlund brings up Bobby Duncum, Jr. and Jericho reminds us that Stu Hart forced him to be a cowboy for his first match - Cowboy Chris Jericho from Casper, WY. Anyway, after some talking, BOBBY DUNCUM, JR. leads out RALFUS, hands tied behind back, then finishes hog-tying him for our - ahem - "amusement." What's the point? I guess we get another Jericho/Duncum match in our future, kids.

When we come back, the Awesome 3 is in one of there laughing fits that can't suck enough because they can't sound forced enough. Jericho is STILL trying to untie Ralfus.

SCOTT HALL v. ACHTUNG ACHTUNG HIER IST ALEX WRIGHT - Hall kicks Ralfus on his way out. The NWO theme is playing, but Hall gives the "cut" sign and it stops. HE continues to the ring without theme music. "Hey yo. After two and a half years of surveyin', tonight will be the final survey because I've decided that everybody is here for one reason, and that's to see the ..." crowd fails to chant NWO, oh well "and it's no secret there's two factions in the NWO. There's'n'white express [boos] who, who told me last night that I'm out [pop] but I thought I *started* the NWO [pop] and I started it all by myself. So if I'm all alone again, that's the way I like it. Now the other side of the NWO is the red'n'black. [pop] And I heard big Kev tell me that I gotta prove some things to him. And maybe you people think I gotta prove some things to you. But I'm only worried about provin' things to me. And I'm gonna start with Alex Wright so send him on down." How did Wright get to take a mic with him from the entrance to the ring? Tootpick in the eye, which Hall treats as if it's the funniest thing ever. Armdrag by Wright, headlock, Hall flips him over, Wright takes him down and walks across his booty. Hall turns him around and punches in bunches. Clothesline over the top rope. Wright spends some time on the outside, then comes back, pulls Hall out and take it to him. Crowd chants "USA" 'cause they're a bunch of hicks. Back in the ring we go. Wright on the top rope - bigtime missile dropkick - whip, spinning wheel kick (sez Tony), 1, 2, no. Hall finally comes back with a punch. Wright with a elbow, Hall with a punch, repeat, Hall punches, discus punch, whip, duck, Hall catches him, fallaway slam. Is that it? That'sit. Outsider Edge coming up. Thank you, good night. (3:23) No music plays.

Hey look, it's the Nitro Girls! Coming up, we try to squeeze two matches into a half hour!

DEAN MALENKO v. BRET HART - Malenko is limping, and I think also, crying. Hart jogs out to show that he has two good legs. They keep saying that the Horsemen aren't in the building anymore, which makes me wonder if maybe that's a crock. Of course, Tony only repeats what he's told over and over, so he doesn't know. I don't know. Knuckle lock - no, Hart immediately takes the boots to the injured leg and knee of Malenko. Hart drapes the knee over the second rope and stretches. Malenko is now unable to stand. Hart kicks the back of the knee, again. Elbow to the back of the head. Hart kicks the knee. Chokehold for 4. European foreaem, repeat, it's totally Hart. Finally malenko fires back but they're trading blows. Malenko manages to put some blows together - Hart goes down! Now Malenko is all over him with punches and kicks (with his good leg). Whip, gobehind into a waistlock, Hart reverses into a wristlock, Malenko reverses into some sort of mat wrestling thing, Hart grabs the bottom rope and rolls out to take a powder. THIS is the historic first meeting between these two. Feh. Hart is back in the ring, but let's take an ad break for the hell of it.

When we come back, Malenko is limping but in charge. Tomorrow, another hour of Nitro (oh boy!) Malenko with a Seven Punch Count Along. Short whip into the same corner for Malenko. Vertical suplex, oops, landed on the bad leg. Cover - 1, 2, kickout. Malenko with a nice cradle but Hart is in the ropes. Hart comes back with a gut shot. Punch. Scoop - Malenko falls on him for 2. Hart is up first and here's a suplex attempt - Malenko reverse, rolling through for a cradle for 2. Malenko with another near fall. Hart with a right. Back to the corner, back to the choke. Hart with a backbreaker. To the second rope, elbowdrop misses as Malenko rolls out of the way. Malenko is up first, whip, sleeper! Hart to his knees, lower, grab the hair, Robinson stops that. Hart manages to get up and fall backwards - but Malenko STILL holds onto the sleeper. Arm falls once, arm falls twice, Hart rolls into a cover - shoulder never is down but Hart manages a rake of the face. Crowd volume has been turned down to nil - they must be saying "sucks" again or seomthing. Hart rolls outside as Malenko gets up. Malenko follows out and strikes Hart. Rolling him back in, and following, Hart begs off. Harf offers the Hand of Friendship but I don't think Malenko is taking it. He mercilessly pounds away with repeated elbows, almost at the risk of being DQ'd. Foot on the throat - not even letting up for the five count. Robinson physically forces a break and Hart gets a shot in on the knee. More kicks to the knee. Hart drapes the knee on the bottom rope, then sits on it hard. Center of the ring, Hart whips the leg over Malenko's head. Hart has the leg - Malenko with an enziguiri! Both men down. Ten count is on - Both men up at 6. Hart with a right, elbow to the back of the head. Hart chokes him on the second rope, breaking at the last possible moment. malenko with a - not a head butt - a back butt maybe? Malenko with a forearm, head to the buckle. Crowd is BORED? Malenko places Hart on the turnbuckle and punches him in the face. Hart falls to the apron, so Malenko kicks him to the floor. *Hart* is starting to limp. Hart back in, snapmare from Malenko, knee to the noggin, up, whip, leg to the head, Tejas cloverleaf? It's on! Hart is too close to the ropes. Malenko pulls him into the centre of the ring but Hart rakes the face this time the attempt is made. Both men to the ropes, THROUGH the ropes, Hart falls on Malenko's knee. Crowd is saying muted stuff. Hart has a STEEL chair but Malenko lands on him first. Hart rolled back in, Malenko throws the chair in, Hart grabs it, Hart and Robinson fight over it, meanwhile Malenko is on the top rope - MISSILE DROPKICK! That had to hurt. 1, 2, no. Meanwhile, Robinson has removed the chair from the ring. Hart is up first and kicks Malenko in the head. Whip, over, under, Hart headbutts the knee as Malenko leapfrogs him. Hart takes the leg to the STEEL post, and wraps it around there. Hart back in and he's got that chair again. Was that a DIAMOND CUTTER on the chair? None of the commentators called it but I think that was what it was. Charles Robinson calls for the bell (DQ 16:10) so Hart pushes him down. Hart sets up the chair but DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE is in, but that's bad timing. Hart tries to take the chair to Page - he misses the chair to the knee, though, and Page is a house afire. Tenay and Heenan finally both say that that looked like the Diamond Cutter Hart used. Arrrrgh. Crowd chants "DDP" and DAVID PINZER comes in to hold the mic for Page, who delivers a classic interview consisting of "The best there is, the best there was, the best there ever will be - Bret - the hit-SCUM - Hart!!! You're calling me out - you said - where you going? Oh you want me! I'm right here! Wuss. Next week, right there on Nitro, I'll take ya, Bret, you wanna know why? Because I get all JACKED UP - WHEN - YOU - FEEL - THE - " Page sucks. Only a coward would wait until he'd just finished a GRUELING 16+ minute match to come out and try to get the match NOW. I hope Hart kills him next week. Yeah, I'll be watching.

This portion of WCW Monday Nitro is brought to you by 10-10-9000 - for people who like to pay 99 cents instead of calling directory assistance!

(bill "162-0") GOLDBERG v. NO-SMOKIN' GIANT (no entrance) - you can tell we're pressed for time because we didn't get to hear MICHAEL BUFFER say his crappy trademark, and we didn't get Giant's entrance. Anybody think Giant's gonna win? Whoops, spoke too soon, Buffer DOES do his lame trademark, although in record time. Giant takes it to Goldberg, misses, Goldberg takes it to Giant, whip, reversal, squash. Boot to the head. CHOKESLAM!!!!! 1, 2, kickout! Sigh. Giant backhands Goldberg (woooo!), another chop (woooo!) but of course Goldberg doesn't feel it. Knee, knee, whip, spear, jackhammer, fuck you, 1, 2, 3. (entrance 2:00, match 1:35) The only redeeming thing about this is that BAM BAM BIGELOW runs in from nowhere and starts wailing on Goldberg from behind. Of course, he's not hurt, and gets in a couple shots on Bigelow before about a MILLION security guys come out and separate them, taking Bigelow to the back and out. Hmm, here's KEVIN NASH for no good reason (other than he has the book). And he's on him! No, wait, the security is going to keep THEM separated. No, wait, there isn't enough security to separate them! STARRCADE MAY BE THE BEST ONE EVER BECAUSE TONY JUST SAID IT! Crowd chants "Goldberg" and we're out of time. See you tomorrow for another (oh God) hour!

CRZ ("Hit me with your laser beams")
[slash] wrestling



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