/12 April 1999
I GET LETTERS:
Atul Bhakta, consider yourself famous:
Hi, I emailed you a few weeks ago about Scott Steiner and how you abuse him in your articles, well I just wanted to clarify things to you on a more simpleton level, which I know you will understand.
Scott Steiner is the NEXT superstar in the world of wrestling! He has the skills, looks, heat, and most of all a brain to be a dominant player in the post Hogan era! Do you understand what I am saying here? What you do to him is uncalled for! Are you a WWF mark by any chance? It sure looks as if you are a WWF mark!
So in the imminent future, please terminate your articles on WCW, it would be greatly appreciated. Take it from me, you will be doing all of us a favor! Thank you very much!
It would be WRONG of me to note his name could be pronounced "a tool," so I won't.
From BTC316 - or actually, Jason: For the first time ever, I read your column. I now know why the great Chris Hyatte rags on every other recapper: You all try waaaaaaaay too hard to be original and funny like he is. Please. The only kick I got out of your column was seeing that you called the fans idiots (which all wrestling fans are; I am a wrestling enthusiast and believe me, there's a difference!)
You're a pretty good writer though and I'm a journalist so that compliment holds water. Just hold back on the comedy attempts. Leave that to guys like Hyatte that make up for poor writing with cutting-edge biting humor.
Maybe when all of you other recappers realize that there is only room for one Chris with a Monday Night column (Hyatte), you'll go on to other things.
Hyatte stole the idea of recapping Monday night wrestling from me, by the way. Why do you think he BEGS me to put his name somewhere in here every week? That whole "Rick won't LET him do it" shtick is just a ruse! It's supposed to MANIPULATE me! Never mind that it usually works, now.
I can't tell - does he like me or not? Does he like HYATTE or not? So Hyatte has "poor writing" but there's only room for him because he...ohhhh my head hurts.
The thing I don't understand is why people would bitch about Hyatte to ME. I mean, what do you want ME to do about it? I ain't flying cross country to do anything about him and even if I DID, we'd just kick back a few and laugh about idiot losers who write us stupid email. Or people who take the responses that we send them, then forward them to the other guy. I mean, come ON.
That reminds me...somebody on ICQ asked me "why I was so hard on Gagnon." What the FUCK is that about? I've never mentioned the man's name a SINGLE time in here - last week I made an ALLUSION to him on the MAIN page (and in the process, probably shunted some biz his way - hey, nothing wrong with that, this is an incestous cliquy biz we got here, that's why you see all this cross-promotion) because he ... nah, I promised I wouldn't talk about it and I'm not going to. But damn, don't come back with "whyyyy are you so WHIIIIINE on my FAAAAAAAVORITE Canadian rantin' guy" when the truth is I didn't do ANYTHING. Oh man, the soft pink underbelly I could rip into juicy chunky salsa with extended talons - but that's not like ME, man. It's all about PEACE. Break the BARRIERS, MAN!!!!
Except that one guy - he gets what he deserves. (Three people just thought "hey! He's talking about ME!")
Okay, enough of that crap.
Yeah, I have ICQ, but you might as well just email me - I'm usually faster to respond to an e since I can do that from work and ICQ is anchored to my apartment. Also, I'm eternally "On (Away)" from ICQ, which pisses a lot of people off for some reason, which pleases me no end.
What? You want the NUMBER? Make it a detective project. (Hint: it's in my Usenet .signature if you come up empty - for those of you on WebTV and AOL, "Usenet" is like "Dejanews" for people with REAL 'Net connections)
And don't get me wrong - I LOVE email. But keep a lid on the stupidity - just - trust me. Writing a stupid letter will not automatically get you in this column, and you NEED a better life goal anyway, definitely.
And Nitro hasn't even STARTED yet! Haaaa!
Apparently RIGHT after SuperBrawl (because they're all wearing the same outfits, Randy Savage approaches Diamond Dallas Page and congratulates him on becoming champion, oh and by the way, you owe me now. Gorgeous George adds "And don't you forget it!" Then almost immediately after, Scott Steiner chairs him and puts him through the buffet table. Hey, this isn't G-rated! This isn't my father's NWA! Oh, wait...
World Championship Wrestling - now in it's second week of wrestling kosher
Opening credits are rated TV-PG-DV and closed captioned.
We are LIVE from the Sun Dome in Yakima, WA 12.4.99 for WCW MONDAY NITRO! Broadcast on Turner Network Television (slogan: "The Best TNT on Television - except for that really old Mr. T show")
RIKI RACHTMAN shows us that there ain't no party like a West Coast party, 'cause a West Coast party don't stop - DJ RAN plays "Jump Around" and - hey look! It's the NITRO GIRLS! How come Kimberly's in the accompanying film graphic? I'll give this whole setup a pass 'cause I'm sure I'll get another chance later in the show...
Your hosts are TONY SCHIAVONE, BOBBY HEENAN and A BOTTLE OF SURGE. Your new World Heavyweight Champion is Diamond Dallas Page (huh?) and tonight he'll take on the #1 Contender, new United States Heavyweight Champion Scott Steiner for the title.
Let's recycle some old footage! Here's a Special Video Look at Kimberly being thrown from the rent-a-car and subsequently being written out for however long it's been.
(THIS IS) STING is out, to make amends for not speaking last week, hopefully. This is the angry, moody - no, wait, he's calling to the crowd. "Whooooww! It is good to be back! It is good to be back in black! So many have tried unsuccessfully to put the Stinger out of wrestling so many times over the years, but it'll never happen because I got cat's eyes and I got nine lives! So it's gonna hurt a lot of feelings out there but the Stinger is here to stay - so many are ovetrnight sensations - so many wrestlers are so-called 'World champions' - so many wrestlers have the so-called power right there [pointing to palm] - but none of those wrestlers are me. Some say that they built this house called WCW. I say no! I say the Stinger is the only one that has been here through thick and thin. This - THIS WCW house is MY backyard! MY turf! If any one man can say that they built this house, it would unquestionably have to be the Stinger! This house sure wasn't built by the so-called 'hardest working man in WCW,' Diamond Dallas Page [boo]. So right now I'm gonna cut to the chase. It's Showtime, folks! I'm gonna shake it up tonight on Nitro! Things are gonna be different around here, starting right now! I'm callin' Dallas Page OUT - TO - NIGHT! If you got anything hangin' between those legs, I'll be waitin'."
Sting is cool.
Here's some still shots of last night's Cruiserweight title match - they didn't show Rey hitting his head on the steps, which looked INCREDIBLY painful. Anyway, Rey won. Also last night, in a match which gets NO still shots, Juventud Guerrera defeated Blitzkrieg to score the title shot tonight..the shot we're about to see now!
JUVENTUD "JUICE" GUERRERA v. REY IT'S NO MYSTERIO JR. for the World Cruiserweight Championship - The commentators should shut up about them both losing their masks because it just PISSES ME OFF. Encore presentation hyped for the first time, oh boy! Lockup, go behind, Juvi takes him down and works on the leg. Dueling kicks to the head, shoving slap from Juvi, punch from Rey. Back and forth, powerbomb from Guerrera - there's a leglock of some sort, which doesn't look particularly painful - mat sequence here - both men with a headstand as they're legs are tied up - this is broken up, back and forth, Rey with a Mexican armdrag. Commentators, naturally, talk about Hogan. Rey stretches him across his back in a hold I've forgotten the name of, Juvi squirms out, DDT. Juvi poses to the crowd who dutifully boos. Guerrera advancing on the man, rear chinlock. Rey powers out but Juvi hits the shoulderblock, then gloats. Go behind, standing switch, more elbows, off the ropes, tilt-a-whril backbreaker attempt but Juvi turns it into a flying head scissors for 2. Rey goes outside to think about things while Juventud leads the crowd in a "Juvi sucks" chant which is AMAZINGLY not turned down by the sound folks. Tope tease - but a pescado HITS and both men are slow to get up outside the ring. Amazingly, we DON'T take an ad break here. Head to the STEEL steps and Mysterio is in some pain now. Juvi steps on the head. Back in the ring. Chop (woooo!) and Rey goes down again. Back in the corner, whip out to the opposite corner, splash sidestepped, Mysterio with the ten punch count along - Juvi with the powerbomb attempt, but Mysterio turns it into a 'rana. Off the ropes, reversal, springboard by Mysterio, caught by Guerrera - Rey pushes him off and into the corner, coming out - Juventud catches him AGAIN and hits a powerbomb. He's climbing to the top for the 450! Mysterio pops up and hits the leg, and he's crotched! Mysterio to the outside, punching away - springboard 'rana coming up - but we don't see it because THE VANILLA MIDGETS are rushing the ring. (DQ 5:40) Guerrera quickly dispatched, and now they're ALL OVER Mysterio with a vengence. Commentators wonder where Kidman's at, especially after RAVEN & SENSATIONAL PERRY SATURN make the save, staving off the Horsemen. Crowd is fairly rabid tonight - that's a good thing if the matches stay hot. Oh, let's hope they stay hot. Now Saturn helps up Mysterio - who PUSHES him away! Rey eats a clothesline for his insolence - not that we can see it because the camera's panning away for end of segment, apparently not paying attention to Raven delivering the Evenflow.
Jimmy Hart tells Hugh Morrus that tonight he's got the "King of Hardcore, Bam Bam Bigelow" tonight - this causes Hak to appear and dispute that title - but because he hates Bigelow so much he's going to tell Morrus how to beat Goldberg, then he gives him a cane shot to the head. Morrus, who apparently felt nothing, laughs and says "Oh, you mean like this?" then he canes some random guy backstage. Surreal. 'though it is good to hear that cool Hugh Morrus laugh again... oh and Chastity's a skank. Oh sorry.
This portion of Nitro comes to you thanks to VALVOLINE!
Goldberg & Diamond Dallas Page "Superstar Series" video release ad
WCW/NWO THUNDER! for the PlayStation ad - I give 50/50 odds the NEXT video game released will have the (wrong) old WCW logo on it.
Let's take a Special Video Look at Big Poppa Pump, which reminds me of "Outside the Lines" for some reason
Schiavone and Heenan talk about Hart's SHOCKING resignation two weeks ago. Schiavone swigs the Surge as we take a
Special Video Look at Bret Hart, along with clips from last week's "Later" appearance by Hart. Ooh! Is it a work or is it a shoot? "It's a crying shame what the WWF did with me, but it's a bigger shame what the WCW *didn't* do with me." Hey, you still think him quitting was a work? WHY ARE WE WATCHING THIS THEN?
Promotional consideration paid for by WCW Smash'n'Slam wrestlers (old logo), Slim Jim, America (ha!) Online, David sunflower seeds, and Judge Wapner for Singer Asset Finance
WCW Slam Society spot is really - confusing
Still shots from last night's "King o' Hardcore" match - Tony: "It's a wonder they didn't break each other's heads open!" Anyway, Bigelow won.
HUGH MORRUS (with James Hart) v. BAM BAM BIGELOW (with no music) in a kendo stick match - Bigelow stops short, goes under the ring and procures not one but TWO tables, and puts them in the ring. Morrus won't let Bigelow actually enter the ring, though. Shot ducked, simultaneous cane shots - both men drop their canes. Bigelow with a gut shot, punch, scoop and a slam - he's climbing the corner - Lunasault! But it misses. Morrus with a gutshot, a scoop and a slam and now HE'S going up top. No Laughing Matter misses. Clothesline ducked, Morrus takes him down with a lariat of his own, then falls himself. Morrus grabs a cane, Bigelow goes for the other but Jimmy Hart gets it first - Bigelow with a kick before the cane can be used - lariat takes him down. Bigelow sets a table up in the corner. Tony says Bigelow wants his own belt - aw, geez. Whip - reversal - Morrus whips Bigelow into the table, destroying it. Morrus comes at him with the shoulder, but Bigelow ducks it and Morrus dismantles what's left of the table. Both men up slow, Bigelow first, punch, shoulderblock, lariat, and he's off his feet. Bigelow off the ropes, Hart grabs the legs - as Bigelow goes for Hart, Morrus manages to get up and take the cane to him repeatedly. Hugh Morrus off the corner, but Bigelow steps aside and somehow Morrus caned himself. Both men back up, Morrus knocks him down. Morrus standing up the second table in the centre of the ring. Can to the back - five times. No Laughing Matter moonsault?!? Yes - only Bigelow wasn't there. The table, however, wasn't so lucky. Bigelow to the top for the flying headbutt. 1, 2, 3. (4:56) Jimmy Hart gets in one cane shot, Bigelow turns around, takes the cane and misses Hart once - Hart gets outta Dodge. Wendy's Big Slam of the Show is every move that destroys a table, the flying headbutt and the pin.
Closed captioning where available (eh?) brought to you by Comp$erve!
Backstage, Rey asks Kidman where he was while he was getting beaten down by the Horsemen - Kidman says WCW had him off doing a personal appearance. Rey whines some more, then they make up.
Let's see some still shots from last night's main event - MY question is, if Hogan was hurt so bad, WHY didn't anybody pin him? Get him to give it up? WHY let him get away? Macho man drops an elbow on Flair and Page gets the pin. Wait, don't Savage and Page hate each other? Wait, doesn't...aw screw it
GENE O. works tonight! It's his pleasure to introduce the new World Heavyweight Champion, DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE, who doesn't go through the crowd 'cause he's no longer a suck-up. Page starts off with a "GOOD GAWD!" despite the fact that any sign with "GOD" on it is confiscated. Page declares himself "the anomaly." He's sorry about Hogan's injury (you mean that worked injury?). Turning to Sting, Page says that Sting DESERVES a shot...but...Page can't give it to him. The crowd boos. Page says tonight he wants Scott Steiner in the main event. Well, gee, it's a good thing they already announced it earlier tonight, huh. Page says he's gonna show him "size doesn't matter...and I know you've heard that before." I can't tell, is he a good guy or a bad guy now?
Hooray! My first Slamboree ad! 9 May! Old WCW logo!
TV-PG-DV box must mean it's time for RAW! Hey, look, it's the Nitro Girls! Well, five of 'em anyway...
Tony can't take his hands off that Surge. He's pretty extreme, that guy.
Gene O. says "shank of the evening" and, because it's now REALLY time for RAW to start, THE MAN is invited out. Flair is accompanied by ARN ANDERSON & CHARLES "CONTROVERSIAL" ROBINSON - Tony mentions that we've just learned that Roddy Piper's arrived in Yakima. Flair's unhappy that Sting would make a challenge "on my program, without telling me." THEN he's unhappy that Page would make a challenge when he's going to hold the title belt up. Huh? "As of right now, the world title belt is held up - there IS no champion-" the music fires up and the lights go out - Tony doesn't recognise the music of RANDY SAVAGE but *I* do. He's joined by GORGEOUS GEORGE, who is. Savage is carrying a piece of paper with him. Savage says he's "gonna lay the smack down forya" - huh? Then he calls himself the "Universal Heartthrob, the Big Show Stopper, and the Cock of the Walk." I've sure missed these ramblings! Anyway, Savage says his decision is final, according to the papers signed by the Executive Committee and one Ric Flair. "Dude, the world's coming crumbling down on you, what have you got to say for yourself?" Flair says oh yeah? Well then Savage isn't reinstated, so there. Yeah! Robinson: "Hey, Savage - I saw the match last night - you're not a referee - I'M a referee! You're not qualified to referee ANY match - much less, a HORSEMAN match. Besides, why'd you have your BIMBO out there last night-" and she SLAPS him to the mat. Robinson wants a piece of her (hey, who doesn't) but Arn holds him back. Flair tells Savage to move it. Savage suggests at Slamboree, putting "my girl against YOUR girl," meaning Robinson - for Savage's career. Flair says Robinson will beat her with the figure four - Savage says SHE'LL beat HIM with the big elbow (causing Tony to remark that she DOES have big elbows). And now (THIS IS) STING is out - hey, why not a nice Sting/Flair match just for kicks? Arn says he'll take the match but HE'LL be out with him. Flair and Sting talk some more - then Sting bursts out into laughter - DAMN, I'm so confused. So Sting and Savage...no, wait, Flair and...HUH?
Watch this ten minutes. Now go watch RAW's first fifteen minutes.
THE SACRAMENTO KINGS ARE HYPED IN A TNT NBA AD! SURELY THIS IS A SIGN OF THE IMPENDING APOCALYPSE!
WCW/NWO THUNDER! for the PlayStation ad #2
"Could be the greatest Nitro ever!" "THIS is the greatest Nitro in the history of Monday Nitro!"
LA PARKA (con silla) y EL DANDY v. MASTER BLASTERS (with James Hart) - Tony pretends to remember the Master Blasters from eight years ago, but I seem to remember them as Al Greene and Kevin Nash, and these guys ain't them. Tonight they're "1" and "2". La Parka is the most over guy in this match, which ain't sayin' much of course. Now, just to further confuse me, BIG POOCHIE walks to the ring, hopefully to clear up this whole Master Blaster business. He's got a mic. "Whoa whoa whoa - guys, wait a minute, wait a minute. Hey, I'm not on the show tonight, I got something I gotta say, so guys, hit the bricks." Ohhh - THAT'S why we're doing a squash match on Nitro. Nash, of course, takes out all four men - the only guy with any brains is referee "Blind" Scott Dickenson, who am-scrays. Well, Jimmy Hart, too. Nash takes a swig of Surge(tm). "Before I was rudely interrupted - I been sittin' in the back tonight, watching the events, and I've got a little something here I'd like to show on the B-roll." It's from last week - and it's Flair and Nash getting all jovial and Hogan happening to notice the goings on. "The business at hand between me and the Nature Boy was this: if he walked out of Nitro that night with the belt, that secured me a position that at the next pay-per-view in St. Louis, Big Sexy would get a title shot. So Page, listen up, I hope you make it to St. Louis with that strap, 'cause what you did to Hollywood last night was wrong. And let me tell you something, boy, you're gonna pay the price - Wolfpack style." (No contest, about 1:35) So - if Flair kept the title, Nash would get a title shot, but since Page won it, Nash...huh? Flair - Page - no..Nash gets...WHAT?
Later on tonight, Page - Steiner - World title match! Winner meets Big Sexy at Slamboree because...because...WHY?
DJ Ran can cut a record for side to side - I smell RATINGS!
PSICOSIS v. (billy) KIDMAN - Piper is in the building! Tony: "We're DEMENTED out here!" Psychosis takes charge to start - that's a nice sliding dropkick. After a whip into the corner, there's another nice dropkick from Psychosis. Tony speculates that last week Nash was helping Flair keep the belt so he'd get the Slamboree shot - yeah, that's why Nash wouldn't help GOLDBERG to get a *Spring Stampede* shot. It's fun hearing Heenan talk about Charles Robinson while not realising the referee in this match happens to be Charles Robinson. Psychosis hangs Kidman on the top rope - then dropkicks him to the floor. Off the ropes - tope suicida! Kidman to the rail. Back in the ring - Psychosis off the top - dropkick - 1, 2, no. Kidman with a clothesline off the half criss cross. Coming at Psychosis, who held the ropes, he ducks and Kidman sails over the top rope - Psychosis off the top rope to the floor - Kidman catches him with a dropkick on his way down! I've missed about 75% of the moves in this match, but I get the good ones, yeah. Back in the ring. Plancha from the top rope by Kidman for 2. Whip into the corner, Psychosis puts the boots up - sat up on top - Psychosis on top - springboard - Frankensteiner! 1, 2, NO! Kidman counters a suplex attempt - springboard bulldog for 2. Whip into the opposite corner, splash misses when Psychosis steps aside. DON'T TRY TO POWERBOMB HIM! Kidman counters into a faceslam. Time for the shooting star press - 1, 2, 3. (7:38) It would have KILLED them to throw a win Psych's way, I guess. Still, quite a good li'l match there.
Slam Society ad #2
The ALL-NEW wcw.com site seems to have the OLD WCW logo.
Hey, look, it's the Nitro Girls!
Here's some still shots from last night's Goldberg/Nash match. This match had the right ending, as Nash laid down for Goldberg. Boy, can you imagine if he HADN'T? Good thing he did!
Gene O. welcomes COLD BEER, who stumbles on the ramp on his way down - oops. Hey, I think we've got a streak going with that! Since Flair did it last week...we could have, like the "who trips on the ramp?" weekly pool or something. Goldberg does the EXACT WORD-FOR-WORD interview as his first one...well to start. Goldberg says "I got (mute)!" and Gene says "You can say that again." Ha! Goldberg turns to Bret Hart, but Gene says he's retired. Goldberg says he better be out of the country - he's gonna FIND him. He's the hunter, and he's gonna FIND him. Gene asks about Lex Luger - Goldberg says he's interfered for the last time, next time he sees his face, he's knocking it off. Gene asks about the world title, and Goldberg says he doesn't care who has it, making a reference to King Kong (but not Awesome Kong), but he doesn't need the belt to be the Champ. Let's make it more surreal as we close it out. "You know, I don't think it's a question - Goldberg, I don't think it's a question of who's next, I think it's a question of who's left?" "No, see, that's where you're wrong. It ain't who's left, it's - WHO'S NEXT?" Well, I mean, didn't he just SAY ... HUH? I swear, I'm laughing uncontrollably 'cause I'm just SO DAMN CONFUSED.
DJ Ran is all up in my area - I give him about three weeks. He'll last longer than NWO Nitro, but shorter than NWO Late Night. We can only hope, anyway.
RICK WOOF WOOF (without Ted DiBiase) v. BOOKA T. for the World Television Title - PIPER later tonight! Why they believe Piper is a selling point, I don't know. Don't forget, this week THUNDER! is live on Thursday! A little shoving match to start. Lockup, to the ropes - referee "Blind" Johnny Boone forces the clean break. Steiner with a takedown, riding him, clubberin' the back of the head. Everybody's up. Lockup, T goes behind, standing switch, belly-to-back suplex and Booker T. SELLS that drop, baby. Lockup, side headlock by Steiner, T with elbows, powers out, but gets knocked down, up and over, leapfrog, roundhouse kick by T. Off the ropes - flying jalapeno! "Ahhhh!" Kick from T - he wanted an axe kick but Steiner's head was up so it's just a kick kick - 1, 2, no. Steiner comes back with punches. Whip is reversed, dueling hip tosses, Steiner with a clothesline. Booker T. catches him coming, hot shot on the rope. Savat kick takes Steiner outside the ring. Booker T. on the apron - tomahawk chop to the floor! T. takes him back in - Forearm shot - off the ropes, reversal, T holds on, Rick comes on with a Steinerline and takes him outside. Steiner follows. Head to the apron. Back in the ring we go. Booker T with a knee off the Steiner arm wringer - T to the kick but Steiner catches it and hits a sidewalk slam for 2. Off the ropes, reversal, going down, leapfrog - but it either didn't happen on purpose or unintentionally as Steiner turned it into a pseudo-powerslam for 2. Now here's a collision and the ref goes down. Fans standing - that must mean STEVIE RAY is out with the blackjack - as Steiner climbs to the top for the bulldog - whack! Down he goes - Booker T., who didn't see it, and doesn't ever watch this stuff on tape, hits the Harlem sidekick and is none the wiser when he once AGAIN retains the title with a little help from his brutha. Now can u dig it. (5:22)
Steiner/Page to come!
SUPERSTAH SCOTT STEINER v. DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE for the World Heavyweight Championship - hey, having this match at the end of the second hour is a GOOD idea - spread out the main events and...oh, wait, I was wrong - this is a Steiner interview segment. Never mind. "I'm gonna find a freak, put her on a leash, and get my release." Keep talking like that and you WILL get released, my R-rated friend. "The Big Bad Booty Daddy is ready to put on a Body Rockin', Knee Knockin', Cherry Poppin', Showdown and the show don't stop 'til the show toppa's (stoppa?) on top and you tell me who's the daddy?" Wha..? Steiner calls Page "white trash" and I gotta agree with ol' White Thunder. Somehow he's gonna take his wife, his title, and change his world. Say, how does Kimberly figure into all this again? Oh, let's just move on, shall we?
DJ Ran is again all up in my area - he's down with OPP (yeah you know me) Tony and Bobby are all: "Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah" and I'm all "Nooooooooooooooooooooooo!"
KENNY KAOS v. COLD BEER - I thought I heard Rage's name mentioned! You know what'd be funny? If Goldberg actually GOT the submission with that leglock and didn't get a chance to hit the spear and jackhammer for the fans. Get that "NO MULLET HEADS" sign out of the crowd! Oh boy, this match is going on forever. I'd go to the bathroom but I'm REALLY worried I'll miss some smokin' commentary by the crack team. Goldberg no-sells a springboard clothesline - bah. Pumphandle overhead toss looks nifty. NOW the spear. You know, *I* can just hope it ends eventually, but the crowd is SO into this it's frightening. (Jackhammer -> pin 4:23) Stay tuned for PIPER!
This portion of Nitro is brought to you by BABY RUTH! Ooooh, Baby!
Riki Rachtman and DJ Ran kick it up another level - if Yakima had a clue, they'd BOO Rachtman out of the building. Spice stands nearby, at least giving me something to look at while this crap is on. I think Ran wasn't made aware of the script earlier as he keep saying he wants Steiner to beat Page tonight. Oh well.
Mortal Kombat is NEXT! Well, in forty minutes...
THE MAN (with Arn Anderson) v. (THIS IS) STING - why, of COURSE referee Charles "Controversy" Robinson is assigned this match - need you ask? Now THOSE are some UGLY boots Sting is wearing. Lockup, "Flair sucks" chant, Sting shoves him across the ring, repeat. Flair has fire in his eyes, oh yeah. Lockup, Flair with a side headlock, off the ropes, Flair knocks him down, back and forth, leapfrog, press slam by Sting. Off the ropes, another press and slam by Sting. Arn brings him out for a breather. Flair's walking back! Sting's out and after him - carried him over his back to the ring. Flair begs off. Call to the crowd. Flair to the eyes to take the mo' away. Knife-edge chop (woooo!), but he doesn't feel it. Repeated chops have no effect. They trade places, punches, hiptoss across the ring. Now the ten punch count along - well, five punch count along. Another hip toss, Sting with a dropkick. 1, 2, no. Sting picks him up - Flair kicks him in the gut and tosses him through the ropes. Sting hits him in the gut on his way in - Sunset flip - yes! 1, 2, no. Spare me the Flair moon, oh please. Flair again on the outside to buy some time. Arn Anderson jaws with the commentators off mic. Tony asks the crowd to please be quiet, and on cue, the sound technicians mute the "Ric Flair sucks" chant. Oops. Flair takes him down, Sting nips up, repeat, Flair taken down with a punch. Whip into the corner - FLAIR FLIP! Clothesline on the apron - to the floor - FLAIR FLOP! Arn is apoplectic. Finally he turns to Robinson and asks for a timeout, and Robinson GIVES him one. But Sting wants none of that and goes outside. The brawl is on! Sting gets the upper hand on it and Flair's head meets the safety barricade - Flair comes off with an eyepoke, and here's a clip! Sting back in the ring - Flair following. Measured clip from Flair. Flair with the running kneedrop. A second one is blocked - Sting holds the knee - FIGURE FOUR! Robinson doesn't know what to do, but asks Flair. He doesn't give up - rope reach - NO! Dragged back to the center - Flair grabs another bottom rope on the other side. MUNCH ON THE SKULL! To the mat. 1, Arn puts the foot on the rope - Robinson sees the foot TOO quickly and calls for the break. Reversal in the corner, chop - Sting feels it not, again, no. Sting reverses it, kick, shot to Arn on the apron - whip, into the corner - Arn pulls him away just in time and the Stinger splash finds only turnbuckle. Sting on the outside and Arn putting the boots to him. There's a punch, Arn rolling him back in now. Flair, who has been distracting Robinson all this time, picks Sting up by the hair - BLATANT low blow. Chops him down. Arn whips the crowd into a frenzy as Flair sets him up to suplex him out of the ring - nope, Sting suplexes him IN the ring. Splash attempt meets the knees. NO! DON'T GO FOR THE TOP ROPE MOVE, FLAIR! Too late - Sting tosses him across the ring. That NEVER works. Brief series of mat reversals - Flair on top - 1, 2, Sting bridges up - dueling backslides and Sting hits it. 1, 2, no. Flair begs off and Sting points. Flair to the eyes AGAIN. Whip into the corner, Sting comes off with a clothesline - 1, 2, no! Flair's trick knee acts up as they go into the corner - vertical suplex coming up - half hour suplex. But Sting pops up feeling NOTHING. Flair with the classic "Awww, nuts" face. Sting asks for the chops, Flair chops, but it has NO effect. You gotta love this. Off the ropes, press and a slam. Whip into the opposite corner - STINGER SPLASH! On the second rope - SUPERPLEX!!! Arn is up on the apron as Sting covers. 1, no. Arn is stalking him - Sting breaks his Sharpshooter attempt to chase Arn off - Flair ducks a Sting charge and that's a hot shot - FLAIR puts on the figure four, then grabs a hold of Arn's hands for leverage - 1, 2, shoulders up - 1, 2, again! RANDY SAVAGE is out and goes right for Anderson. Savage runs off as Sting turns the figure four over. Flair breaks the hold almost immediately. Chop - nothing. Chop - no. Vertical suplex - no, go behind - Sting hits the Scorpion Slop Drop! Cover - Robinson doesn't know what to do. Sting points. 1, 2 - 3!!! (14:24) Anderson in the ring - Sharpshooter! Anderson taps as if that'll help. Robinson gets him to break the hold. Sting is the winner. And until Bret Hart comes back, THIS is the man to watch in WCW. I hope he can do it when it isn't Flair in there with him...
Promotional consideration paid for by WCW Bashin' Brawlers ("Yousmashedmy - HEAD!"), Croissant Pockets from Hot Pockets, Super Soaker CPS 2500 & 3000, Moen faucets, and Blimpie subs and salads - they are beautiful thing
MICHAEL BUFFER, who couldn't be bothered to appear at Spring Stampede, is here tonight for the Grudge Match like none other in history. I HOPE we see Piper during this match! Right on cue, after "rummmmmmblllllllle..." the pipes and drums start up and ROWDY RODDY PIPER is out as the "special championship match guest broadcaster." Piper actually GETS LOST on the way to the ring and has to get directions to the commentary table from Doug Dillinja. Large "Rowdy" chant from the crowd and the sound techs decide not to turn it down. In a "surprise," Kimberly makes her return to WCW. In a slightly bigger surprise, Page has her walk him all the way to the ring, where he deposits her in the front row. Poor Whisper - she CRIED for Kimberly, and now she can't be here to welcome her back to the big show! Page is wearing his belt backwards - hey, that's TRADITION! I kinda like it.
DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE (with Kimberly) v. SUPERSTAH SCOTT STEINER for the World Heavyweight Championship - did he just offer to "bitchslap" Tony for me? Both men drop the straps and just wail way with punches to start (no opening bell). Page gets the best of it. Atomic drop - clothesline. Steiner pulls him through the ropes but Page hits the apron - climb to the top and a clothesline from the top! Steiner goes outside. Piper takes exception with "People's Champion," since Page took out Hogan with the ringpost figure four - because HOGAN is EVERYBODY'S friend now, right? Lord help us. Page with a baseball slide dropkick that takes Steiner backwards to the security rail. Page with his poor man's pescado, and it kinda looks good! Page is JAAAAACKED. Now they're at the commentary table. Steiner up and over - everybody scatters. Page takes his head to the apron. Back to the rail. Oh boy, Piper gets his headset first! As we watch Heenan look unhappy and walk back to his headset, and since both men are still on the outside - hey, let's take an ad break!
This is the first time they've done it all night, though. I'd rather they do it HERE than during the Sting/Flair match. So they get no beef from me this week. Yup.
Holy crap! It's Henry R. Nothhaft, the CEO of Concentric Network! On MY TV! GO HANK! Sure, it's only a local cable spot, but today cable spots, tomorrow OUR STOCK GOES UP ANOTHER FIFTY POINTS!
When we come back, Steiner hits a belly-to-belly suplex on Page - Piper is in mid-sentence still telling us how lame Page is now that (I guess) he's supposedly a bad guy. Steiner with the count along but Page breaks it up. Off the rope, shoulder tackle from Page. Off the ropes, dueling hiptosses - belly-to-belly suplex from Page. Near fall. Steiner stops a punch count along by dumping him on the outside and follows. Steiner whips Page into the security barrier and takes his head to the STEEL steps. Steiner rolls him back in the ring. Off the ropes, Steinerline. Elbowdrop for 2. Clubberin' blow to the back. Elbows from Steiner to the back of the head. Kimberly's surgery worked. Steiner drops Page. Steiner tying him to the TREE OF WOE! On the neck. Page collapses when he lets the hold go. Pounding across the chest - Page counters with a hot shot off the top rope. Page to the top turnbuckle - Steiner to the top rope to crotch him. Steiner to the top - FRANKENSTEINER! 1, 2, kickout! I've noticed that Randy Anderson's cadence is a HELL of a lot quicker than the other refs and it shows here as he has to pull up on the third count. Page sidesteps a charge in the corner - 1, no - quick lariat from Steiner to regain control. Backbreaker across the knee. 1, 2, shoulder rolled. Piper is practically SUCKING UP TO HOGAN and that's just sad. Steiner catches a leg, spins around and Page flattens him with a clothesline. Right hand. Right, right, right, left, atomic drop, gutshot, off the ropes, swinging neckbreaker - 1, 2, no!!! Page takes his head to the buckle - TEN TIMES! Backdrop for 2. Pancakes him - Diamond cutter? No - Steiner shoves him into Randy Anderson (he misses, but oh well) - while everybody's "out," Steiner goes to his belt, where he's conveniently taped some bolt cutters - with the turnbuckle cover removed, it's no problem to take Page's head to the STEEL eyelet. And now the back. One more shot on the back to the bolt. Steiner recliner? Yes indeed. But there's no ref - Steiner lets him go and tries to roust Anderson. Steiner takes Page - going for a hiptoss, Page grabs the arm and drives him down to the mat. Diamond cutter - no, backslide position - Steiner's trick knee acts up! Anderson STILL isn't moving. Steiner with the double underhook - up and down with a slam. Steiner recliner again - no - Page headbutts - upwards - into a sensitive area. Kimberly is OVER THE RAIL and she's got a chair! She LEVELS Steiner across the head with that chair - into the Diamond Cutter - 1, 2, 3!! (13:42ish)
8 matches, 57:40 or so.
You get the feeling that Page is not only a transitional champ, but he's transitioning into another heel run? If not, it's just DAMN confusing. But then...I've been saying that a lot this show. Oh well. Good stuff at the end, even if the beginning was LAGGING. See you next week!