/19 July 1999
QUOTE OF THE WEEK:
[DustyCat] That's obviously getting edited out. Now can I have your attention?
[CRZ] No editing! You don't work for WrestleLine!
a personal highlight of "ChatTHIS! 2.5 - the unreleased tapes"
The TRUTH is, when both federations get a little stale, it IS more exciting for us online fans to get involved in watching the wars between "competing" websites instead of the wars between the WWF & WCW - at least the website wars SEEM closer right now. Now as much as I love to stir the pot, I have to tell you I really do have a lot of non-wrestling stuff that takes up a lot more of my time than it seems some of these other folk have. Umm...what's my point? Well, it's like the old quote goes: "Believe none of what you hear and half of what you read." Or something like that. And if none of the above makes any sense to you, don't worry: it means you have a life and probably have better things to do once you've finished surfing WrestleLine for the day. Still, why not give SportsLine your address and phone number and register for the fine FORUMS the Franchise has to offer?
QUICK QUOTE: Speaking of which, SPLN closed Monday at 39 3/16 (+2 9/16) - some people LIVE and DIE by this quote, which is why I present it each week as a service to you, the loyal reader
What are my five current favourite albums?
The Middle of Nowhere - Orbital
Beaucoup Fish - Underworld
The Seduction of Claude deBussy (pre-release mix) - Art of Noise
The Magical Sounds of - Banco de Gaia
Samurai Math Beats - Bogdan Raczynski
Actually, I cheated - those are the first five CD's I found that had 1999 dates on them. But they ARE all damn good.
What, you came for the Nitro results? FINE.
Apparently, this particular ad exhorting us to "don't miss a
minute" will lead off EVERY Nitro now. Strangely enough, this CLOSED
last week's THUNDER! - so what's up with that? Anyway, here's the
TV-PG-DV ratings box for those of you who are a big fan of TV ratings
boxes. (I know *I* sure am!) And there's the Closed Captioned logo. I
*believe* that it's out there.
WCW - C'mon, admit it, it's a Star of David
LAST WEEK: "Savage's Challenge" ... "Hogan vs. Nash - Road Wild - WCW World Title Match" ... "Sting Fights for Control" ... "Tonight Sting vs. Flair for Control of WCW"
Opening Credits - "I heard somebody say 'Burn baby burn'"
WE ARE LIVE from the Metro Center in Rockford, IL 19.7.99 for WCW NITRO! And hark! The dulcet tones of Scott Hudson grace the speaker of my television tonight, lending an excitement that I haven't felt since the last time I watched Global on ESPN ('cause frankly, Hudson sounds kinda fake-excited whenever I hear him on Saturday Night) - tonight, Dennis Rodman is in the house, the ICP is in the house, TV's Arli$$ is in the house, and *I* am in the ... well, apartment.
Your hosts are SCOTT HUDSON and BOBBY HEENAN. Forget all the guest stars tonight - we have a World Heavyweight title defense! ...the HELL? I thought Hogan was the champ! What's this "title defense" crap? Hogan don't do title defenses! Well, apparently tonight he will, against Sid Vicious in an exciting rematch of the WrestleMania 8 main event - a rematch THE WORLD HAS BEEN WAITING FOR FOR OVER SEVEN YEARS!!!!!! Also, Sting and Flair fight for control of WCW.
Here's a video package which chronicles the precise moment Flair ceased to be treated like "the Babe Ruth of wrestling" - and several moments after it - leading to Sting making the challenge to Ric, fighting David, and saying "It's Showtime" by way of giving a shout of to his good friend Paul Wight.
TONIGHT: A Flair/Sting graphic - FOR CONTROL OF WCW!
You only THOUGHT it was time for an ad break - oh no, it's time to spend a bit of quality time with SID VISCOUS. For those of you reading for the first time, it's a JOKE when I spell it "viscous" instead of "vicious" but thanks for writing! It lets me know you're paying ATTENTION! The REAL question is will I break down and transcribe Sid's Warriorspeak or just blow it off? Another pressing question is will Sid EVER make it to the ring? Hudson and Heenan aren't exactly clicking tonight - I wonder if we'll find out where Schiavone is - this is like his first Monday off since they brought him in as the first hour play-by-play guy - when was that? Eons ago. "See I can tell by the cheers of the fans...[booing]...that they feel the same anticipation that's running through my blood..." well it gets unintelligible here but Hogan has the belt, which belongs to him. "And Mr. Hogan, when you enter the ring tonight against Sid Vicious, the Master..." is he MUMBLING? "I will have open arms for you as these miserable pukes do! And so you idiots out here, you can scream to the top of your lungs 'Hogan! Hogan!'" effectively starting a chant "but it won't do you no good! 'cause Mr. Hogan, when it's all over, you'll be standing in this ring, in this spot, as you look out there amongst your fans, you will look at me, and you will tell me the magic words. 'Sid Vicious, you are the Master, and you are the Ruler...of the world.'" Well, NOW I need to take a breath. Let's take that ad break!
Tonight, WCW Nitro is brought to you by Starburst Hard Candies - and you WILL give it some juice!
Hey, look, it's the NITRO GIRLS!
Kimberley's in another Playboy
by the way - I know you keep tabs on this stuff and don't need ME telling
you, but there you go.
FIT FINLAY v. LIGHTNINGFOOT JERRY FLYNN - was it only a few short months ago these guys were teaming up on a pay-per-view? Oops, there's my long memory again - sorry WCW! After Finlay enters the ring, we see JAMES HART up on the Video Wall, brandishing the "Hardcore Champion" trophy and telling Finlay that SOMEHOW it disappeared last week but ended up with the First Family (translation: Hart swiped it). Hart says if he wants the trophy, all he has to do is show up in Sturgis and fight for it. Oh, and by the way, you're opponent is Jerry Flynn. This is treated like a big surprise - gee whiz, we can only imagine who he was SCHEDULED to fight to have a major upgrade to JERRY FREAKIN' FLYNN, hah? Somebody of the caliber of *Joey Maggs*, no doubt. Anyway, since neither of these guys are fan favourites, who exactly are we supposed to be rooting for here? Do we CARE which heel has the hardcore trophy? Or is Finlay supposed to be the face here, and if so, why would the crowd start chanting "USA?" It's questions like this that keep me awake at night. I would hazard a guess that WCW would want to work Finlay as a face here, what with Jimmy Hart being incredibly annoying and definitely heelish. Except, Finlay's aligned with Regal and Taylor, two avowed heels....man, my head hurts. This is a pretty good match and it's a shame I can't be bothered to provide you with the play-by-play that you've come to expect from me. *Or maybe it isn't.* Years of training making squashes (allegedly) sound interesting on Saturday Night lends Hudson with a fair ability to provide good sound effects for every move by each man "Ahhh! Oooh! Whooooaaa!" I love Scott Hudson. He used to be a regular on r.s.p-w between jobs, you know. This was back when r.s.p-w DIDN'T suck. Remember on Global when Scott Anthony always got the better of Hudson? If you think I'm bringing up all this random shit to avoid talking about Jimmy Hart's voice on the video wall resonating throughout the arena, you're half right. If you think I'm bringing up all this random shit in a vain effort to impress some of you, you'd probably be picking up the other half. Anyway, after Finlay's front roll slam, he leaves the ring to go find Hart - who makes a cool face and starts hiding under a bus - but can't drag the trophy under with him. By the time Finlay makes it to Hart, the rest of the FIRST FAMILY strikes, Flynn joining them. Whoops, the trophy's already got pieces falling off of it. So, is that a countout? Double countout? Five minutes of our lives we'll never get back? You make the call! (No contest? about 5:00)
J. J. DILLON, LODI & LENNY LANE have a heart to heart. Dillon: "I've called you guys in here because we got some important business to take care of - you understand what I'm talking about? Oh you DO know what I'm talking about. You look a little nervous - as well you should be. You know, I've looked over these contracts - that're just expiring, and it's my call as to whether we renew 'em or not, which is why you guys're in here today. Now looking at these contracts, I've never seen anybody else sign 'em like this - how well did you guys think you'd get away with this?" Lenny: "I always knew we'd never get away with it." Lodi: "Get away with what? It's not like we're the only ones in the company." Dillon: "Ho! I know you're not the only ones in the company, you think I live in the closet or something? All right guys... here's what it comes down to - if we're gonna renew you, and we're gonna renew you, 'cause you guys deserve it, but you need to sign these in the proper way. The Windhams didn't sign 'em like this ... Stevie Ray, Booker T., they didn't sign 'em like this. Hey guys, *I know you're brothers* - you need to sign 'em in the proper way." WOW! THEY REALLY HAD US GOING! IT WAS ALL A GIANT SWERVE! THIS IS WCW!
Here's a major onsale announcement! Friday tickets go on sale for Cedar Rapids, Amarillo, and Lubbock for THUNDER! Tomorrow see WCW in Madison, Wednesday in Peoria, and Thursday at the Mark of the Quad in Moline for THUNDER! I *almost* bought tickets for the Cow Palace show and then decided $30 was too much, even if Hogan, Sting, Flair, Savage, Vicious, AND Goldberg were all supposed to show up. Besides, I'm sure with my prestigious WrestleLine connections I can get a press pass anyway....hahahahahahahahaha
Promotional consideration paid for by Slim Jim, Naya, America (ha!) Online, Motel 6 7/8, John Madden's athlete's foot, and Targon (quit smoking and you don't NEED special mouthwash)
COMING UP: Flair and Sting FOR CONTROL OF WCW!
GENE O. works tonight! Okerlund wastes no time sucking up to the locals, then, audience sufficiently primed, invites out YOU KNOW WHO
evokes the scent of Voodoo Chili as he plays the world heavyweight title
belt like a guitar. Sign in crowd: "I'm with stupid" and an arrow points
to the ersatz Hogan in the front row. Yer damn right. Hogan proclaims
that "Hollywoodmania is running wild" and I could *swear* I hear some boos
mixed in with all that cheering - but not enough, sadly. Hogan says it's
time he turned his life around. Hogan says a lot of other stuff, but it
boils down to Sid going down tonight and Nash meeting him in Sturgis and
"4 life." Yeah, everybody's a Hollywoodmaniac tonight. Sigh. Commence
with the hatemail!
Hudson shills the WCW Hotline
Here's a Special Video Look at Sting and Ric Flair - who battle tonight for control of WCW, in case you haven't heard
LODI (with Lenny) v. THAT OLD BLACK MAGIC NORMAN SMILEY - here's your sign tour for the night... "LODI + LENNY RULE!" "NEXT POSTER???" "IF YOU ONLY KNEW!" "ONCE AGAIN LODIPAGE.COM" and Lodi shows off his website ad trunks... "U CAN LOOK, BUT CAN'T TOUCH" "WE NEED A RIDE HOME!" ("We lost our car keys!") Lodi's one funny dude. Hey look, it's the return Norman Smiley! I can't tell you how much withdrawl I've gone through not being able to type "the 'Doing it in da butt and smackin' my bitch up' dance!" One more sign from Lodi - "OMEGA CW CONGRATS" - oh man, that's too inside for me. Hudson wonders what Lodi and Lenny's last name is - my money's on "Gaylord." Lockup, face rake by Lodi, then he turns to Lenny for approval. Smiley manages an armdrag, a hiptoss, whip into the corner, and catches him coming out with the swoop slam(tm). Smiley teases the dance but Lodi's outside the ring. Smiley follows, then whips Lodi into the barricade. Lodi tries to revive him as Smiley does the "doin' it in da butt and smackin' my bitch up" dance - and the camera quickly pans until Smiley's out of the frame. Now Lenny - up on the apron - is doing his OWN version of the dance - this is semi-amusing to Smiley, but serves even better as a distraction - Lodi with the double sledge - there's a choke on the rope - now as referee "Blind" Randy Anderson argues with Lodi about it, Lenny puts on a rope choke behind his back. Snap suplex by Lodi - rolls over for two and three. Now calling Lenny up onto the apron for a custom high five and hip bump - cover but Smiley's foot is on the bottom rope. Smiley whips him off the ropes, but Lodi hits a shoulderblock and a clothesline. Off the ropes, back elbow.
Lodi pushes Smiley out to
Lenny, who gets some more shots in while Lodi distracts the ref. Into the
corner, Smiley gets a boot up but Lodi hits a clothesline. Off the ropes,
reversal, stepover, leapfrog, Smiley drop toehold, body scissors, riding
him now - Smiley with La Magistral and his fingers are laced - 1, 2, 3.
(4:24) Smiley pulls out his dance one more time - and now Lenny's doing
it - and now LODI is doing it, and Smiley walks out, leaving the two
brothers to do it in da butt and smack their bitches up. I'm really
DJ RAN gets all up in your area, convinces the audience to say "Hell Yeah" like he was Steve Austin or something, shows off a Surge coaster modified into a record label, and does his big "mixmaster" move (spinning the record backwards, really fast)
COMING UP NEXT: the last chance to show you this Flair/Sting graphic!
Goldberg eats Spree 'cause it tastes like someone kicked you in the mouth...or something
This portion of WCW Monday Nitro is brought to you by George Foreman - and MEINEKE!
TONIGHT: Sid Vicious vs. Hollywood Hogan - WCW World Title Match - and get used to seeing THIS graphic for the next two hours
Oh joy, the commentators are joined by CRACKA EAZY-E. Get ready to hear him bash Flair and mean it
Here's a Special Video Look at Flair and Sting - which we may have already seen earlier in the hour, I forget
(THIS IS) STING v. THE MAN (with Asya & Arn Anderson) - By my watch it's seven to nine, and this is a damn good time to have this match because no matter HOW many times they have this match, it's gold, baby. Last time they fought - 12 April. Sting wins via pinfall in 14:24 after forcing referee Charles Robinson to make the count. Bischoff is a two-faced lying idiot and I'm not going to bother with ANYTHING he's saying. Needless to say, we are graced with the presence of referee "BLIND" CHARLES ROBINSON as the third man, complete with Naitch strut as he gives some pre-match instructions to Sting - Sting asks the crowd, who asks him to take care of him - so there's a gutshot and Scorpion Death Drop. Robinson is OUT. THE OTHER FOUR REFEREES come out to collect Robinson, Mickey J. staying behind to call the match. Flair begs off at the opening bell, and Sting whips him into the ropes, presses him and slams him. Flair begs off to the corner, and asks him to come in - Sting is cautious but still suffers at the hands of the eyepoke. Knife-edge chop has no effect on Sting. Here's another press and overhead slam. Into the corner - ten punch countalong. Beals him out of the corner. Standing dropkick! Flair back in the corner again and pleading for a timeout - Sting comes after him and Flair's trick knee acts up. Hudson dares to mention the 1987 time limit draw at Clash I. That long memory for history gets you NOWHERE, Hudson! Flair picks him up by the hair, whips him into the opposite corner, lets out a woooo! then goes down as Sting hits a clothesline coming out. Flair on the apron - suplex attempt is countered and Sting brings him back in with a suplex. Flair begging off in the corner - right hand, whip into the opposite corner - FLAIR FLIP! Clothesline on the apron and he falls to the floor. Anderson asks for timeout but J. ain't goin' for it. Flair manages to pull Sting out of the ring, then whips him into the barricade. Sting clotheslines him back. Flair rolls in the ring - Sting tries to get on, but Flair holds the neck and hot shots him on the rope - Flair styles and profiles but turns around to discover Sting is in a no-sellin' mood tonight. Sting placing Flair on the top turnbuckle -
I thought Flair had back problems - damn. Mickey J. puts on the count -
1, 2, ... Arn pulls him out! Anderson and J. having a tet a tet - Anderon
with a left cross that floors him. Sting outside and there's a shot for
Arn! But now SID VISCOUS is out - dropping Sting's throat on the
barricade - and calmly walking away after rolling him into the ring. Flair
has Sting - as J. tries to come to, Flair knees him in the groin - then a
stomp in the groin since he still isn't looking. Time now for - one more
stomp on the groin. J. saw that one and warns him. Flair slapping on the
figure four - 1, 2, NO!! Flair slapping Sting, not remembering that that
makes him roar and come back - sure enough, Sting reverses the hold.
Flair breaks the hold quickly. Knife-edge chop - this time it has an
effect. Flair kicks the knee. Another stomp on the knee. Another chop.
Flair alternating between punches and chops, but Sting's feeling the fans
and starting to Hulk up. Chop, no effect. Whip out of the corner - but
instead of the Stinget splash, Flair puts up a back elbow which takes him
down. FLAIR FLOP! Flair comes to and climbs the ropes - but THAT NEVER
WORKS! Sting pops up and beals him across the ring. Clothesline!
Clothesline! Whip into the opposite corner - but Flair pulls J. in front
of him to absorb the Stinger splash! FLAIR FLOP #2! Sting with a shot for
Anderson - now Asya in the ring - Sting whips her into the corner (well,
as well as you can be whipped in high heels) and there's a STINGER SPLASH!
Yow! There's the SHARPSHOOTER! Ric's nodding but there's no referee.
Bischoff gets in the ring (OUR HERO!) and calls for the bell. (8:41) But
any celebration is short lived as once again SID VISCOUS hits the ring
with a double clothesline that takes out BOTH Bischoff and Sting. HERE'S
A POWERBOMB ON BISCHOFF!!!!! Well, now YOU KNOW WHO is out to kill my
buzz. Sid decides this would be a good time to make his leave. Hogan -
checks on Bischoff? Checks on Sting? No, he calls to the crowd. Oh, NOW
he's checking on the downed men. There's some pointing. Let's quickly
Promotional consideration paid for by David sunflower seeds, Compu$erve 2K, Travelodge (I HATE that bear!), Viractin cold sore gel (because watching wrestling and having cold sores go hand in hand!), and Judge Wapner's settlement scam company
Goldberg eats another spree - he doesn't CARE about his teeth, I tell ya
JIMMY BARRON with the 1-800-CALL-ATT Road Report - tickets still available for THUNDER! LIVE from Moline - PLEASE come - PLEASE - c'mon, it's THUNDER! You *like* THUNDER!
RICK WOOF WOOF v. HORACE (hogan) for the World Television title - say, you don't think that Hollywood has the stroke to get the TV belt off of Steiner and onto his nephew, do you...brrr, I don't even want to think it - Lockup, to the corner, no clean break as Steiner wails away with punches and then a choke, now some more punching, Horace manages to pull him out of the ring. Gone after him - gets in some shots but Rick steps aside on the charge and Horace hits the barricade HARD. Back in the ring, Steiner riding him, raining punches and other sundry illegal stuff. Elbowdrop. Step on the throat. Off the ropes, clothesline. Cover for 2. Right, right, right, mounting him again and clawing at various parts of the face. Rear chinlock. Going for the eyes and putting on the badmouth. Forearm to the head. Rubbing his face into the mat. Now, suddenly Horace is coming back. Iblockyourpunchyoudon'tblockmine. And again. Horace ducks a clothesline and puts the boot up - Rick goes outside. Horace follows
and asks referee "Blind" Randy Anderson to check with the
timekeeper so he can waffle him with a STEEL chair while his back is
turned. Steiner rolled back in the ring - Anderson goes back in and sees
a chair. While he tries to figure out what's going on, with his back
AGAIN conveniently turned, out comes BIG POOCHIE because we've had over an
hour go by without the Center of Our Universe inject himself into the
proceedings, so maybe I'm being too hard on him this week - well anyway,
Horace is taken hard into the STEEL steps, then rolled into the ring for
Steiner to hit his top rope bulldog for the pin. (4:20 - hmm) Nash and
Steiner do the Wonder Twin Powers fist touch while YOU KNOW WHO walks out.
"Hey Nash, what give with you, man? I called you on the phone, my man,
and you said this was strictly business - what's with that, that's
personal." "All I can say is this - looks like I lied, because this is
business, but more than that, baby, this is REAL personal."
Meng & Goldberg fight - Meng & Goldberg grab chairs - Meng & Goldberg pretend to eat pizza but really just sit in front of them
THUNDER! ad features Rick Fuller, Sick Boy and Mikey Whipwreck.
Rey Mysterio reprazentin' in his sixty dollah jersey - I bet they make enough money off selling these things to pay for Mister P!!
Hey, look! It's the Nitro Girls! Their PPV debuts in just over two weeks! Count the hours until you can see hot chicks in swimsuits on PPV!
PSICOSIS c. EDDY GUERRERO - Psychosis motions to the camera that we might as well click our remotes right now - nothing happening here! Or maybe that thumb twitch means something if you're Raza and I don't get it 'cause I'm a big dumb white guy. Speaking of big dumb white guys, wow, look at that one guy in the crowd with the suspenders and no shirt. Yikes. Guerrero's individual pec flex isn't as frightening as, say, Norman Smiley's, but it's still pretty frightening. Guerrero and referee "Blind" Johnny Boone having a minor fracas before the bell. Guerrero doesn't want to get along with anybody, does he. Guerrero attacks from behind, Psychosis fires back, but misses bigtime in the corner. Guerrero all over Psychosis. Dropkick to the chin on the seated man. Off the ropes, reversal, up top, head scissors by Guerrero, outside the apron, diving headbutt(tm) for 2. Guerrero dares the crowd to boo him. Belly-to-back, Psychosis flips out, dueling waistlocks, off the ropes, clothesline ducked, second clothesline NOT ducked. Psychosis takes him to the opposite corner, reversed, Eddie tries to get under him, but Psych snaps off a flying headscissors. Off the ropes, leapfrog, Monkey flip, Eddie landing on his head. Eddie still runs at him, and it's a tilt-a-whirl for 2. Psychosis stomps on the head. Through the ropes - Psychosis follows and takes Guerrero HARD into the barricade. Psychosis rolls him back in the ring and stands behind him with a waistlock. Stomp to the small of the back. Elbowdrop to the small of the back. Scoop - and a slam. Psychosis scaling the ropes - spinning heel kick with a somersault! Only 2. Guerrero angry at himself for being in these predicaments. Psychosis setting him on top - top-rope Frankensteiner! Psychosis spending too much time posing - NOW putting the badmouth on Guerrero instead of going for the pin. Tornado DDT attempt is blocked, Guerrero's slam is blocked, Psychosis' front slam is blocked, Guerrero with the Gorry Special and airplane spin - putting him down - FROG SPLASH!! 1, 2, 3. (5:21) Would YOU go to the top rope after spinning yourself dizzy? VILLANO V is out - LA PARKA is out - now the doubleteam is on. Villano holding Guerrero in a bearhug - Parka coming off the ropes with an enziguiri that's about eight feet off the mat. Wow! Triple team is on - and it's MINI KONNAN making the save. Hmmm, remember when Mysterio continued to wear the LWO shirt out of respect for Eddie and it made no sense because he didn't want to be in the LWO in the first place and was screwed into joining? No, me neither.
Anyway, there's a reluctant handshake in the middle of
The Wendy's Classic replay of the week is the "Gorry Special 2000" and
frog splash...and the handshake.
Back in the locker room, Stevie Ray wants to know what's going on. Some fruit bootys are gonna pay tonight. Did Adams shave once and for all? Stevie Ray wants to know if Vincent and Adams still have his back, while Adams and Vincent are more worried about whether Stevie's still "down," or whether Harlem Heat is getting back together and if that means the dissolution of the black'n'white. I KNOW you care.
DA TRIAD come out to make noise and play the dozens. I don't know WHO thought giving these guys mic time was a good idea but I'd like to meet them. With an open-handed slap.
DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE (with Trippa B and [khris] Kanyon) v. STEVIE RAY (with "Fruit Booty" on his mind) - no, it's apparently KANYON fighting tonight - I don't think Kanyon knew this either - Ray grabs the hair from behind as he tries to figure out what's up, Kanyon breaks the hold, Ray knocks him down. Back up - Kanyon with the kick and punches, but they have no effect. Off the ropes, shoulderblock from Stevie Ray. Let's do it again! Remember when Stevie Ray WAS Global? Scott Hudson might. Big ol' military press slam by Ray. Off the ropes, big boot. Head to the buckle - opposite corner, big clothesline. Ray going through his array of Flavor Flav facial expressions. Into the corner, Kanyon steps aside, then drops him on the bottom rope and keeps him there. Ray getting up - Kanyon with the ten punch count along, but Ray shoves him off at three. Kanyon gets back up and hits another three punches; Ray shoves him off again. Kanyon still trying - two punches, and Ray dumps him over the top rope to the floor. Ray out after him. Whip into the barricade. I guess Page and Bigelow took off earlier. Head first into the STEEL steps. Ray dumps Kanyon back into the ring but Kanyon comes back taking a knee to the back as he tries to roll in. Scoop - and a slam. Second rope - guillotine legdrop by Kanyon! 1, 2, no. Elbowdrop to the sternum. Kanyon calls to the crowd to keep them interested while all this wrestling stuff's going on. To the top rope...but the splash finds nothin'. Ray with renewed vigor, punches, off the ropes, BIG back body drop - off the ropes and there's a powerslam. Time now for the slapjack - whoops, TRIPPA B & DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE are back, but Ray ducks Bigelow and elbows him out of the ring - ducking Page, who flies over the top. Kanyon with a double sledge. Ray manages to shake off Kanyon and run him into his Triadmates on the apron. Now Ray hits the face first slam proper, and Page unfortunately is in way too quickly, looking like a dork as he stands there and waits for referee "Blind" Nick Patrick to finish the three count (4:56) before attacking. Kanyon gets his measure of revenge with a Flatliner on Ray.
As they prepare to tape him to the top rope, who
should make the save but BOOKA T.? Hudson claims that he's all up in
Page's area - I'm gonna let that go 'cause I like Hudson. Where was the
rest of the black 'n' white?
COMING UP: A WCW World Title Match graphic!
What up Motch? Oooh yeah! Here's a Special Video Look at Savage, Vicious, and da Chyx
Our de facto Duo is joined by TV'S ARLI$$, who plugs Sunday's episode of "Arli$$" on HBO, which will feature some WCW folk. For some reason, Hudson and Heenan treat him like he's a real person instead of an actor, despite mentioning the name "Robert Wuhl" earlier in the show. Oh well.
MACHO MAN RANDY SAVAGE (with Gorgeous George & Mona Madness) v. (billy) KIDMAN - as 60% of Team Savage walk out, Arli$$ reveals that he's here tonight "to scout Dennis Rodman." If that's not surreal enough, Savage announces that he's now a candidate for President in the year 2000. Take THAT, Hollywood! I may not have been watching wrestling as long as some of you out there, but I'm just GUESSING that this match will totally suck. Lockup, to the rope, clean break much to EVERYONE'S surprise. Lockup, Savage to the top wristlock, arm wringer, Kidman rolls through, to the ropes, clean break, Savage removes his sunglasses. Lockup, to the rope, no clean break this time as Savage hits a straight right. Head to the buckle. Kick to the gut. Standing on the neck. Arli$$ just shouldn't speak - he's like Bischoff. Off the ropes, Kidman ducks and slides through - duck again, off the ropes, flying headscissors! Savage sells it as well as he can - dropkick from Kidman! Savage goes outside and grabs a chair, then hits the commentary table for kicks - scaring the SHIT out of Heenan and Hudson - Arli$$ is in character, however, and is unfazed. Referee "Blind" Johnny Boone ain't gonna settle for this malarkey - Savage hands him the chair saying he doesn't need it to beat Kidman - test of strength, no, suckered him in and putting the boots to him. Savage dismantling Kidman. Right now hundreds of people are simultaneously asking "Did Savage put his working boots on?" and half of the people they're talking to are sarcastically saying "Umm, NO." But LOOK at Savage go over the top to the floor at the hands of Kidman!! George coming to the aid of Savage and Kidman outside. Savage holding George in front of him - I liked this shtick better when he was using Liz as the shielf - Kidman won't hurt George - but he IS distracted as Miss Madness hits a textbook dropkick to Kidman's back, running him RIGHT into a lariat from Savage. Savage dragging Kidman over to the commentary table. Now he's got some $lim Jim$ (product placement!) and he's choking Kidman with them. SNAP INTO IT! No mention of Madusa's whereabouts - geez, you think she's with Tony? Kidman meets the barricade. Savage rolls in and back out. Right hand to the temple. Kidman rolled back in, Savage follows. Scoop - no, inside cradle! 2 count only and Savage fires back with an angry back elbow. Arli$$ suggests that a Savage/Rodman match would be boffo box office - and my spider sense is tingling...Miss Madness up on the top - Kidman ducks and Savage feels the force of the missile dropkick! Tornado bulldog from Kidman!! 1, 2, NO!! Whip, reversal, go behind, gutshot, Savage with a piledriver on Kidman. That's gonna be it save the elbow, I'm thinking. Scoop
and a slam - Savage climbing to the top -
elbowdrop. 1, 2, PULLS HIM UP!!!!! He's gonna give him a SECOND ELBOW?!?
Boone warning him - and Savage flattening him with a right cross. On the
top - and there's elbow number two. Well now here's DENNIS RODMAN in his
pimp outfit running out and waffling Savage with - his purse? Savage
through the ropes. Arli$$ is in - Rodman shrugs him off. DOUG DELLINGER
is in, GENE O. is in to ask what's going on. Arli$$ makes a lot of noise
- hell, MIKE TENAY *AND* TONY SCHIAVONE are out - everybody's got a mic
but Rodman's not saying a word. Arli$$ thinks that Savage and Rodman
would be a great match for Pay-per-view. I say Arli$$ is a fictional
character and should be treated accordingly, that is to say, ignored. Now
MADUSA is out and for some reason she and Mona are going at it. Wow, look
at Madusa's ass! Oh yeah, and Savage said something about making Rodman
his bitch or something. They didn't mute it, either! Oh yeah - (DQ?
Meng & Goldberg and Little Caesar's make joy for all
Mysterio jersey ad #2 - if you're like me, you're wondering what fine items you can buy in the WrestleLine store. Or maybe you're REALLY just kidding when you say that. I have to chuckle when I see Mister P, though.
Hudson shills the WCW hotline #2
Let Us Take You Back to Last Week where Vampiro and Konnan had their first one-on-one matchup and Vampiro was screwed by a bogus DQ, and retaliated with a superkick and the Nail in the Coffin.
KONNAN v. (el) VAMPIRO (canadianse) in a return bout - Nothing was settled so we must see it again. Hey, if Konnan gets his ass kicked again, show it EVERY week! I'll turn back to WCW in a heartbeat. Konnan calls Vampiro a "punk mark buster," whatever that is, but then, this is the guy that still thinks people are talkin' about they're "4 life" - well, Hogan still does I guess. Vampiro in - Konnan with an audacious open-handed slap. Vampiro takes him down with a kick. Stomping away now. Open-handed slap. Belly-to-back suplex. Stomp, stomp, superkick. Series of kicks to the back of the leg and the chest. Vampiro calling to the crowd. Out of the corner, follow lariat. Stomp, right, scoop and a slam. Vampiro going to the top - super flying jalapeno. Off the ropes, reversal, leapfrog, Konnan's kick, breakdance, faceplant combo. Clothesline to take Vampiro over the top and to the floor. Konnan waiting for him to return into the ring. Kick, off the ropes, floatover bulldog. Off the ropes, tumblin' clothesline. Here's the INSANE CLOWN POSSE and putting the - tennis shoes - to Konnan (DQ 2:10) triple team is on - Nail in the Coffin from Konnan - top rope legdrop from Shaggy 2 Dope that actually looks like it doesn't quite hit right - his heel landing right on Konnan's breastbone. Is that RAVEN? Too much going on now as MINI KONNAN comes in to make the save - he manages a broncobuster on Shaggy 2 Dope but Vampiro catches him in a big ol' powerbomb. Mysterio put down for a Violent J moonsault. Vampiro with the Nail in the Coffin for good measure. Raven stands on the apron, watching silently...wow, what all happened there?
"NWO 4 Life" and "Kevin Nash: the Outsider" are available at better
video stores everywhere. I guess.
Hey look, it's the Nitro Girls! They sure love to dance to that Jocelyn Enriquez. Rather, they like to fondle Kimberly while she's doing a striptease move without removing her clothes. Not that I'm complaining.
Let Us Take You Back to Monday - "because he is a zero in life, and I've got his number and his number is zero." That's one classic quote right there. Hogan makes his return. Hogan and Savage fight for the title, and Nash tilts the balance of power by helping Hogan win. Then Nash challenges Hogan for the title at the big PPV. Fortunately, since I saw all this last week, I can fast forward.
COMING UP: Vicious. Hogan. World. Title.
Sting carries the all-new Official WCW mastercard! No more jokes from me about the old WCW logo and Whyspyr appearing on the Nitro Girls card. No, NOW you get jokes from me about KONNAN appearing on a card? KONNAN? Come on. KONNAN? Sting growls into the camera. So I guess if he's gonna sell the WCW MasterCard he can't turn heel any time soon - of course, you would have thought that about Page the LAST time they ran a set of credit card ads...hmm...hey, no Bret Hart card this time?
Meng & Goldberg continue to settle nothing as they pretend to eat pizza
THREE TIME WORLD KARATE CHAMPION AND THE GODFATHER OF SOUL THE CAT (with Sonny Onoo) - actually, that looks a bit more like BUFF IS THE STUFF along with an ersatz Onoo and Nitro Girl CHAE. Bagwell is wearing a skull cap and some red shoes. The "Sonny Nono" is some guy wearing a rather good imitation Onoo mask. Bagwell has some fake tan on. And, as has been proven in the past (cf. Scott Steiner), Bagwell is damn good at imitation.
He lays out the open challenge to anybody in the
building. Bagwell calls Chae "Sonny Ohyeah" - get it? Buff keeps calling
Rocklin "Rockford" 'cause it's funny. Buff makes a "yo momma's so fat"
joke because he's been reading the same joke book the Triad's been
reading, I guess. Now the REAL CAT and SONNY ONOO are out. Onoo
dispatches with his doppelganger as Chae seeks higher ground. Buff and
Cat trade punches, with Buff getting the better of things - Onoo tries to
get in a shot, but fails. Cat tries a briefcase shot but fails. Cat DOES
manage to extract a ruby slipper and get a shot in on Buff, which ko's
him. Cat with his JB elbow drop and Onoo counts another pinfall.
COMING UP NEXT: think how great this show would be if we didn't cut to WORLD TITLE MATCH graphics
Road Wild, presented by American Ironhorse, is Saturday, 14 August and ONLY ON PAY-PER-VIEW!
This portion of WCW Monday Nitro is brought to you by 10-10-220!
CURT HENNIG & BARRY WINDHAM (with Kendall Windham & Bobby Duncum, Jnr) v. PERRY SATURN & CHRIS BENOIT - Saturn's music reminds me of "the Beautfiul People" which used to open up every episode of "RAW is WAR." Hennig and Benoit start and Hennig is all over the man to start, Benoit reverses and Hennig quickly whips out his "feet in the air" spot. Benoit with a dropkick to the knees. Tag to Saturn - each man grabs a leg and drives the knee to the mat. Saturn all over Hennig with kicks, quick tag to Benoit. Again both knees driven into the mat. Double double Okie blow! Windham tries to come in but Saturn takes him out. Benoit with a Flair-esque kneebreaker. Benoit off the ropes, but Kendall grabs his leg to take him down - Hennig hits a clubbin' forearm to the back. Barry with a shot out of the corner - now Benoit is out and Barry distracts Saturn enough to distract referee "Blind" Nick Patrick enough to fail to notice Kendall and Duncum working Benoit over on the outside. Back in the ring, bigtime flying clothesline for 2. Right hand from Windham, and ... they take an ad break? Geez, they were doing so WELL with that tonight...
When we come back it's Windham and Benoit again - 1, 2, no. Windham carrying Benoit to the corner - superplex from the second rope, Windham rolls over for 2 and Saturn makes the save. Tag to Hennig. Chop (woooo!), whip into the corner - atomic drop. Benoit ducks a clothseline and hits a chop, but Hennig whips him into the corner, but Benoit steps aside and the elbowdrop only finds turnbuckle. Damn, it's fast out here tonight. TAG TO SATURN! Right, right, right, right, right to Windham, superkick to Hennig, "T-bone" (exploder?) suplex on Windham! Kendall and Duncum on the apron, both men to the floor. Benoit clotheslines Barry out of the ring, then follows. Meanwhile Hennig is set up for the Spicolli driver, but Hennig puts a thumb in the eye. Saturn ducks the lariat and puts on the Rings of Saturn - but Kendall is in (DQ 6:38) and now it's four on two.
DEAN MALENKO comes in to clear house - and fails,
because three is still less than four. Duncum hangs Benoit with the
bullrope - now - SHANE DOUGLAS is out?!? Yup, and he takes out everybody
with one punch (more or less) - there's an atomic drop on Hennig.
Everybody in the audience is goin' "Who in the heck is THAT guy?" which is
kinda funny. VERY weak "ECW" chant fires up. He's got the mic - we're all
going to hell now. "Perry Saturn! Dean Malenko! Chris Benoit! All
these people know just what tough SOB's you are! Well, starting tonight I
say things are about to change here in World Championship Wrestling!
Where I'm from, guys, if someone holds you down, you step in front of
them, you bash their brains out with a stop sign and you take your spot
back. There's a cancer here in WCW - we all know who I'm talking about -
I say tonight we take out the trash, and we take out the cancer. We're
taking WCW back where it rightfully belongs!" Huh. How about that.
Meng & Goldberg #4 - one more time, for old time's sake. Meng: "Nope."
Hey, look! It's the Nitro Girls!
Here's a Special Video Look at - well, I'm not sure. There's lots of clips of Hogan, Nash and Savage, but there are some other ones too. I'll just shrug instead.
NEXT: the last chance to see this graphic of Sid and Hollywood!
Road Wild ad #2
YOU KNOW WHO v. SID VISCOUS for the World Heavyweight Championship - You know I better come out and say it now before this match biases me - we had a pretty good show tonight. I'd hate to say it's because Tony Schiavone was gone practically all night - I'd hate to say it's because Bischoff was powerbombed into next week - I'd hate to say it's because Konnan was DEMOLISHED - I'd hate to say it's because Norman Smiley made his triumphant return - I'd hate to say it's because Shane Douglas FINALLY stopped making liars out of most of the Internet pundits - maybe it was a little of all of this. Ewww, I smell Voodoo Chili. Hey, maybe this'll be like WM8 and Papa Shango will cause the DQ, but the Ultimate Warrior will make his triumphant return!! Your referee is Billy Silverman. "Feeling out process," by which I mean stalling and no wrestling. Sid steps out of the ring because the crowd is annoying him (I think). "I'll get in there when I'm READY to get in there!" Lockup finally. Sid shoves him down - Hogan's surprised and Sid screams to the crowd. Now Sid asks the crowd to please keep it down. Lockup, Hogan shoves Sid into the corner - crowd is ... polite. Two minutes, two shoves. Sid wants the test of strength. We might get it!
But Sid steps out at the last minute and
harangues the commentators instead. Crowd chants "Hogan" - or is it
"boring?" Nah, I think it's Hogan. Sid in and I think we'll FINALLY get
that test of stren--no, Sid kicks at the gut, then the knee. Hogan
develops a Savage limp. Sid going to the knee again. Sid gets a running
headstart - and kicks the knee again. Kick to the back of the knee. Good
old Sid, he can just CHEW gum through this match. Head to the turnbuckle
- no, Hogan's blocking it with all his might. ELbow to the gut. Head to
the turnbuckle! To the opposite turnbuckle! Back to the first one.
Three rights! Shove into the corner....ten punch count along! Stopped
near the end for the ol' noggin munch. Clothesline - but Sid doesn't go
down. Another lariat is absorbed. Hogan rakes the eyes and goes for a
bodyslam - but his knee buckles and Sid falls on him for two. Sid to the
devastating rear chinlock. Axehandle. Clubbin' blow. Another Tomahawk
chop to the shoulder. Sid's outside and he's wrapping the left leg around
the ringpost. Hogan trying to pull out, but Sid pulls on the leg again.
Silverman gets to 4 and Sid breaks the hold. Hogan limping everywhere.
Sid back in - big kick to the gut. Hudson: "Right in the pectoralis!"
Heenan: "What about that kick in the chest?" Sid with the MILLION DOLLAR
DREAM! He's gonna win it for the Million Dollar Corporation! Arm falls
once - arm falls twice - yeah right, like you really THOUGHT the arm would
fall thrice. Hogan's coming to - oh no, Sid's kicking away. Big boot!
And Hogan falls. Sid with a Hogan-esque ear-cup. You know, this guy
could have been bigger than Hogan - ask me to tell you that story
sometime. Sid's legdrop MISSES! Hogan is up! He's jackhammerin' away!
There's the big finger point! Right! Right! Right! Off the ropes - BIG
BOOT! Sid's still up - Hogan with the ear cups - must be time for a big
scoop - and a slam. Hogan's motioning that it's time for the 1, 2, 3
which must mean it's time for the run-in - sigh, yup. There's BIG POOCHIE
with a shot from behind (DQ call 9:11) and a barrage of forearms to Hogan.
And here's (THIS IS) STING, who is apparently the President of WCW.
Taking out Nash - Stinger splash! Stinger splash on Sid! Now RICK WOOF
WOOF is out and on Sting, while Hogan and Nash fight. Now Hogan's down.
The three get the better of the two. Some unfamiliar music starts - it's
COLD BEER! Down goes Steiner with a punch! There's a mule kick for Nash!
A punch for Vicious! Military press for Steiner! The heels (Nash being a
heel now, for sure) bail - leaving Goldberg, Sting and Hogan in the middle
of the ring. Hey wait, I thought Goldberg and Hogan didn't get along? I
guess that music is Megadeth's "Crush 'Em." We end VERY late - almost
nine minutes over. Looks like they pulled out all the stops to try to get
at least a quarter hour away from RAW. Did it work? We'll find out
More shows like this, and I won't CARE who drove the Hummer - it was probably the same guy that raised the briefcase at King of the Ring anyway - GOOD NIGHT! SLASH! SLASH! SLASH! See you Friday for the Community Service tour in the City, and Saturday for WWO lucha libre at the Santa Clara Fairgrounds! Otherwise, I'll be back NEXT Tuesday!