/26 July 1999
You MUST go see Orbital live when you get the chance, if only to hear
their version of the Dr. Who theme song - and to laugh at all the fair
weather fans who ONLY pop for the Bon Jovi and Belinda Carlisle samples in
"Halcyon." It's not a bad idea to see the Crystal Method either - as long
as you've never seen them before. By the THIRD time you see them, you'll
ask yourself "are these guys EVER gonna come out with some new shit
While you're following my recommendations, you may want to get out to see a WWO lucha libre card if they come to your area - I *believe* they tour all over the place besides San Jose, but unfortunately they don't seem to have a website for me to be sure. DAMN! A wrestling promotion that doesn't have a WEBSITE?!? Isn't it the NINETIES yet?? All *I* can say is they better let my translator off the base next time there's a WWO card so I can have all the jokes explained to me - you know what I mean, Flawed.
QUICK QUOTE: Oh my! SportsLine USA (SPLN) closed Monday at 28 7/8 (-10 5/16) - almost a 30% drop in a week! Apparently the Franchise is hemorraghing more money than analysts expected - and Alan Greenspan is a mean dude who hates people who own stock. And maybe word about WrestleLine got out and failed to help.
Even worse - Nitro DID air this week!
LAST WEEK: TV-14-DLV ratings box - hey, when did WCW stop being
TV-PG? Closed captioning logo. "Sting gains control" - "Rodman's Return"
- "Sid Challenges Hogan"
The WCW logo makes me crave a nice corned beef sandwich
Let Us Take You back to THUNDER! where Curt Hennig challenged Goldberg for tonight.
Hello everyone! Your hosts are SCOTT HUDSON & BOBBY HEENAN. Tonight, that Goldberg/Hennig match. Nash and Hogan will clash in a tag team match - but who will each man choose as a tag team partner?
Let's Take a Special Video Look at Goldberg - he Crushes 'em in a way that makes Megadeth sound like Machines of Loving Grace - and I mean that in a BAD way even though I LOVE Machines of Loving Grace. He's back! Although not back in black.
GENE O. works tonight! Do you smell some Voodoo Chili? It seems a little early in the show, but here's YOU KNOW WHO - it suddenly occurs to me that if the ratings are bad in this opening quarter hour, then Hogan can blame Megadeth and Goldberg for them. Hogan sucks up to the "Memphonites" and maybe it's just wishful thinking, but I think I hear a smattering of boos. Hogan said he watched THUNDER! last week - nobody ELSE watched it, but Hogan did - he keeps calling Nash "Kevina" when referring to him. He said he's got two words for him - but instead of "suck it," they are "bull crap." Anyhow, Hogan dares Kevina - or is it Kevette? - to come out and get him some. The cry of the Wolfpack rings through the arena and out walk new best friends BIG POOCHIE, SID VISCOUS and RICK WOOF WOOF. Sid and Nash - they weren't getting along two, three weeks ago, right? Anyway, the three folks surround the ring. Nash does his "annoying ass" bit, Hogan politely requests that he bring it, and it's...on? Hogan takes Nash down with punches, Rick with ONE punch, and before he can take Sid down with punches the tripleteam gets organised well enough to take Hogan to the mat. Heenan: "There's your Hogan!" But - because he's an idiot - (THIS IS) STING brings out his bat and clears the ring. Nash, in the aisle says that he's got his partner so Hogan better find his. Sting and Hogan share a look - and then Sting walks out of the ring. Perhaps he just remembered that he and Hogan weren't getting along too well a while back and he came to his senses. But I doubt it...
Diamond Dallas Page will chat with YOU 4pm 4 August on TBSSuperStation.com! Ask him about his big (bit part) movie debut! Ask him how me blackmailed Kim into marriage! Ask him who his mysterious benefactor is! ASK HIM IT ALL!
Promotional consideration paid for by Slim Jim, Naya, America
(ha!) Online, Motel 6 7/8, and Judge Wapner
This is a major onsale announcement! Friday buy tickets for Binghamton! Friday, WCW is in Flint! Saturday, Grand Rapids - Sunday, Battle Creek, and next Monday, Sioux Falls for NITRO!
(Almost 17 minutes after) Opening Credits - that logo can take your eye out
WE ARE LIVE from the Mid-South Colesium in Memphis, TN 26.7.99 - there's so much action (read: interviews, recaps, and promotional consideration) that we just couldn't open the show until NOW! "Don't Miss a Minute!" But Let Us Take You Back to Moments Ago, just in case you went ahead and missed a minute. Hogan, Nash, Sid, Sting, okay.
JUVENTUD GUERRERA & PSYCHOSIS v. BOBBY DUNCUM JNR & KENDALL WINDHAM (with Curt Hennig & Barry Windham) - Hudson smells an upset. *I* smell an opportunity to dog it on play-by-play. Tonight, David Flair to be challenged by Chris Benoit! Three Internet marks just said "THAT'S IT - I don't DARE switch to RAW because I might miss my God, Chris Benoit FINALLY get the respect he deserves!" Most of the rest of us go "Hmm, I wonder how they'll screw Benoit TONIGHT." Heenan calls Hudson "Scott Tenay" and Hudson misses it. Hennig & Windham provide illegal outside interference - as if Duncum & Windham need it. Finish sees Windham pin Psychosis following a double bulldog. (5:24)
Performing on Nitro in 2 weeks - Chad Brock! Maybe I'll take a vacation that week. That sure doesn't sound much like wrestling to ME.
Backstage, Mona moans about being fired. Suddenly, Madusa appears and starts ranting about a match between them at Road Wild, THEN talks about Gorgeous George - so, wait, they're gonna fight at Road Wild, but they're gonna band together NOW and ... did Medusa pick up a mental affliction or something? Maybe that dye she's using on her hair is toxic and not meant for use on humans?
This portion of WCW Monday Nitro is brought to you by Wendy's
French Onion Chicken Grill!
(el) VAMPIRO (Canadiense) (with Insane Clown Posse) v. REY MYSTERIO JNR - I actually *did* see ICP's "performance" at Woodstock. That didn't seem terribly family-friendly like the WCW Eric Bischoff would like me to know and love - I'm just saying is all. As I speculated last week, Konnan WAS hurt by last week's moonsault at the hands of I Forget Which One Dunnit. Rey's not wearing the camo this week, instead opting for the "Pure Playaz" prison jumpsuit. Vampiro with a might shove that takes Rey two thirds of the way across the ring. Rey foolishly charges and eats a big ol' clothesline. Hard whip into the corner - overhead belly-to-belly suplex as he comes out. Hi 5's for the Clowns. Headbutt. Clubbin' forearm. Vampiro says something which I'm sure is very important only we don't hear it because the commentators are talking about something or other. Rey manges to duck a clothesline and hits a dropkick to the knee. Out of the corner - bulldog. Rey to the apron - springboard dropkick - Vampiro rolls outside. Rey fakes the funk while Violent J and Bald 2 Dope discuss the bulk price of Faygo cola with Vampiro. Finally, he's back in. Test of strength - no, kick to the knee by Vampiro. Commentators seem keen to avoid saying "Woodstock" for some reason. Uranage - with authority. In the corner, Vampiro opens the shirt and unleashes a gunshot chop. Gut shot - off the ropes, but the spinning heel kick misses - Vampiro outside, but trying to get back in he ends up on the wrong end of a top-rope legdrop to the back of the neck. Dropkick from Rey puts him in the corner - it's broncobuster time. Shot to Violent J - dropkick to Shaggy - Vampiro's caught him following the distraction - Nail in the coffin! But instead of going for the pin, he goes to the top rope - Rey springs up and crotches him. Setting up for the Frankensteiner, but Violent J holds onto Vampiro so Rey can't snap off the move - instead, Vampiro hits a SUPERPOWERBOMB! but instead of going for the pin, ICP rushes the ring (DQ 4:51) because Rey NEVER jobs. Here's EDDIE GUERRERO come out with a chair to chase off the folks with paint on their faces. Fairly robust "Eddie" chant means the crowd has no idea Eddie will turn on Rey first chance he gets and they're all saps. Violent J takes the mic. "Rey Mysterio - you just found out what Konnan found out last week! And that is, Vampiro has friends...in wicked places. We ain't come here to wave our hands and to rock and roll - we came here to kick somebody ass!" Well, it's ALMOST wrestling! 1-800-COLLECT provides the replays - for the second time, the commentators miss that J provided the assist by holding onto Vampiro on the top turnbuckle to halt the Frankensteiner attempt.
Closed captioning where available brought to you by George Foreman and MEINEKE!
Hey, it's a Special Video Look at ... at ... hell, I dunno... just the general fun and games that is Nitro, I suppose. Don't Miss a Minute! I guess "Shut Up and Wrestle" has been replaced as the tag.
VINCENZO (with H-Bomb) v. STEVIE RAY - umm, I seem to have missed the motivation behind the NWO-mates locking it up tonight. Maybe it'll be explained to me later...ah, Vincent has the mic. "Stevie Ray - black and white - CHUMP! Stevie Ray has no backbone at all! You don't leave the NWO black and white - WE leave YOU! Flat on the mat - on your back!" I'm paraphrasing, but that's close enough.
Apparently, the rest of the
black'n'white is concerned that Stevie Ray wants to reform Harlem Heat
with his brotha. Umm, so what? Hudson: "Black and white - DON'T PLAY
THAT WAY!" Oh. Man, why they gotta have the brothas fight like dat.
Maybe Bobby Walker was right all along! In order to balance out this
racial tension, Hudson announces that a white guy will sing country music
in two weeks on Nitro. Vincent gets some licks in to start, but once Ray
takes control it's pretty much all him. The flow of this match is marred
by several giant pauses in the middle of moves as Ray attempts to suck up
to the crowd. Hudson ALMOST mistakenly referred to Ray as "the
standardbearer - the champion - MISTER GWF!" but managed to avoid it.
Instead, he suggests that Elvis will be jealous of the pop that Goldberg
gets later tonight. Ummm, but Elvis is dead - he ain't got time to be
jealous. Horace blatantly interferes but referee "Blind" Mickey J. lets
it go because he knows Stevie Ray can come back and score the pin. Sure
enough, Vince ends up hitting Horace when he fails to hold onto Ray,
there's the blackjack (which Hudson, with BLASPHEMY in mind, calls a
"blackjack"), whack, and as Ray executes the Slapjack, we see BRIAN ADAMS
decide not to run in as BOOKA T. stands between him and the ring with a
steel chair poised. 1, 2, 3. (3:57) Horace has words for Stevie Ray -
which can only mean we'll have to see THEM lock it up. Ray looks into the
camera and told us that he TOLD us someone was gettin' knocked out.
The H's talk about Harlem Heat for ten seconds, then quickly cut backstage to
Gene O. stands in front of an exciting door! It's Hollywood Hogan's dressing room - he's bound and determined to find out who Hogan's partner is for tonight. Sting walks by with his bat, says nothing, and walks in. Gene, who just SAW Sting open the door, fails to follow him as he apparently doesn't know how to operate a door. But, by God, he'll stay there ALL NIGHT if he has to - he WILL find out who Hogan's tag team partner is going to be! Well, if it keeps him out of the ring, I guess...
Remember, all the ratings are in the first hour; so too, then, are all the PROMOTIONAL CONSIDERATIONS: David sunflower seeds, Compu$erve 2000, Travelodge (I HATE that bear!), Armor All shiny stuff, and the tangy zip of Miracle Whip salad dressing - AND Viractin cold sore gel! To cure the cold sores that Nitro is giving you!
(THIS IS) STING walks out - you know, if this guy really IS running the company, why hasn't he ... like, DONE anything for seven days? "Please allow me to introduce myself...I am president of WCW. As President, I knew that I could expect to have lots of big decisions, and here I am, my very first Monday Nitro out as president of WCW and I got a big decision! I got somebody in the back who wants me to be his tag team partner tonight on Monday Nitro. I've got somebody in the back who wants to know if it's Showtime, folks. Should I - or shouldn't I be Hulk Hogan's tag team partner tonight?" Crowd boos. Yeah! "One last time Memphis - is it, or is it not Showtime?" Crowd says "Yeah, I'm cool with Showtime, but Arli$$ is on HBO; besides, does it HAVE to be Showtime with HOGAN?" Well, okay, they don't actually say that - I'm drifting off a lot this week. YOU KNOW WHO comes out as the Voodoo Chili is cooked up a second time. Hogan says he's not the same Hollywood as he was before, if only Sting would trust him. Crowd boos. Hogan's wearing NWO gear - yeah, *I'd* trust him. Hogan begs for just one chance - he will NOT stab him in the back tonight. Crowd boos again. "How 'bout this - just for old times sake - just to make sure that it is Showtime tonight, how about I agree with ya, and be your partner tonight. I'll be your partner tonight, but I'm tellin' ya, if you screw me, I'll gonna getcha." Jesus - who has Sting been a sucker for more - Hogan or Flair? Hogan says "Fair enough" as Sting walks away. Hogan looks out to the crowd...
JASON HERVEY has joined the commentary team - surely a sign of the impending apocalypse. Hervey lacks the subtlety that made Brandon Baxter so watchable. Also, his voice STILL hasn't changed. Somebody tell this kid that Arli$$ is really Robert Wuhl and he's an idiot.
thing about 'Arli$$' was Eric Bischoff was on the show."|
PRINCE IAUKEA v. INTERNET DARLING LASH LeROUX - Have you switched to RAW yet? *I* sure have! Hervey doesn't make me pine for Eric Bischoff...but he's damn close. About thirty seconds into this match, RANDY SAVAGE & GORGEOUS GEORGE walk down to the ring - there's a lariat for LeRoux (DQ :52), there's a whip for Iaukea to take him over the top out of the ring - there's a hot shot for LeRoux - there's that elbow all the kids are talking about - well, one kid (Hervey) - Savage goes outside and takes Iaukea to the barricade, then grabs the mic. "Here's the deal! Nash - Hollywood - Rodman - not only am I taking over the wrestling world, but I'm running for President of the United States!" LeRoux to the commentary table. "You get it? Understand? Kevin Nash! It's not over yet! In fact, it's just started! Hollywood Hogan! Dennis Rodman! You don't want none of this! LEAN AND MEAN! OOH YEAH!" "Hey MACHO!" says MADUSA who appears with MONA in the aisle. Madusa's at least removed her top to give us some cleavage to stare at while she talks. "Madusa and Mona have something to say to you, and it's something that is the truth. You gotta listen! We wanted to be a team player - we are a team player - Mona and I want to be on your side - and you know what? I really believe that the conspiracy is that little...no good joke Gorgeous George is all behind firing me and Mona." "I'm the man, you're the woman, and right now you're the target. You don't get it, do ya? I'm the Boss!" Security surrounds Savage as the women arrive on the apron. Madusa continues to rant and rail agains George as we stare at HER cleavage. Madusa and Mona get off the apron (and after George?) as we look back down the aisle - where DENNIS RODMAN has appeared. George backs into Rodman - who takes her hand...and walks off with her. OH JOY! Another "kidnap George" angle! Meanwhile, Hervey is doing his Eric Bischoff hyena laugh. Maybe he taught that to Bischoff, I dunno. Lord, give me strength - two hours to go...
"Performing on Nitro August 23 - KISS" - I *want* to get excited, really I do, but...
Backstage, Savage, flanked by several policemen and security detail, kicks down lots of doors, but fails to find Rodman and George.
Gene O., who failed to find out who Hogan's partner is, stands back in the ring and says "hunka hunka love" while not referring to the Honky Tonk Man. All his talking is interrupted by COLD BEER who has "spontaneously" arrived. This is the one year anniversary of his first interview, you know. You DIDN'T know? Hmm... Anyway. "Curt Hennig! You know, it was pretty convenient when you were running your mouth last Thursday - to know that I was two thousand miles away. But tonight, I came here to tell you two things. And you look into my eyes, Curt, 'cause I know you're back there. I'm here - AND YOU'RE NEXT." Gene probably forgot why he was out there, because he throws it back to Scott...
EVAN KARAGIAS v. THREE TIME WORLD KARATE CHAMPION AND THE GODFATHER OF SOUL THE CAT (with Sonny Onoo) - after kissing Chad Brock's ass, Hudson know tells us how KISS is the greatest! Hudson is quite a Renaissance man when it comes to music appreciation. Cat actually makes me laugh by calling a guy in the front row "Chunky."
Cat offers the Hand of
Friendship, which Karagias accepts - and there's the ol' short
clothesline. Let the squash commence. Hey, I bet Savage doesn't put me
out of my misery by interrupting THIS match. Hey, is it wrong of me to
wonder why Raven didn't come out with ICP and Vampiro this week? I only
ask now because, continuing to endure Jason Hervey's commentary, I am
prompted to wonder why they aren't using Raven as a guest colour
commentator - HE at least is entertaining in that role. Cat's added a
moonwalk to his (ahem) impressive arsenal. Onoo gets in his licks as
always. This match goes about three times longer than it should have -
finally the angle kicks in when Karagias stages a comeback, but referee
"Blind" Billy Silverman fails to put on a count when Onoo climbs on the
apron. Cat goes to the briefcase for his Ruby slippers - but finds *Bunny
slippers* instead. "Hey Cat! Are you looking for these?" It's BUFF IS
THE STUFF on top of the entryway with the slippers. Cat, looking towards
Buff, falls into a schoolboy from Karagias - 1, 2, 3!!! (3:36) Cat goes
nuts, nailing Karagias with a savat kick and taking Silverman out of the
ring. Karagias thrown out - Cat running after Buff but the televisions in
front of the aisle have closed up so he can't get through the entryway
Hey, you think Cat did the job because he wants to become as popular as Rey and then he won't HAVE to job? Remember how popular we've all been hearing he is...
Ah well, who cares
Jimmy Barron is a cheap bastard - Thunder is Thursday, but there's no ticket information as it was taped last week - thanks 1-800-CALL-ATT!
Road Wild is Saturday, 14 August! Nash and Hogan for the title, and MORE! Wow, there's a REALLY old clip of Nash with his natural hair colour! Interestingly, the PPV gets a "TV-PG-V" ratings box, despite the fact that tonight's Nitro is rated TV-14. Or maybe NOT that interestingly...
MIKEY SHIPWRECK v. A REAL MAN'S MAN STEVE REGAL (with Dave Taylor and the Union Jack) - Hudson announces that Finlay suffered one of the most severe injuries he's ever heard of - nerve endings and arteries severed in a table spot gone awry at a recent house show. Let Us Take You Back to Last Week where Finlay tried to recover his Hardcore Trophy from Jimmy Hart only to suffer at the hands of the First Family. With Finlay out, is there any chance we can get the Brits out of this hardcore garbage and into some, you know, WRESTLING? For instance, this match could really rock if it doesn't go all "hardcore" on us. Mikey has yet to win a match in all the time I've seen him - maybe they're redoing his ECW angle. Naah, that would involve thought. We've already gone a minute with no contact. "Whipwreck really making a name for himself in the Cruiserweight division!" Yeah, by losing all his matches! Finally we hook 'em up - waistlock from Whipwreck into a wristlock from Regal - wristlock by Whipwreck - Regal rolls through, into a drop toe hold, floats over, headlock - Whipwreck up - arm wringer - Regal rolls through, reverses into a side headlock - counter into a headlock from Whipwreck - to the ropes, powered out by Regal, who holds onto the wristlock, Whipwreck to the headlock - off the ropes, shoulderblock from Whipwreck. Off the ropes again, tilt-a-whirl countered into hiptoss by Whipwreck - Japanese arm drag (holy shit, Hudson actually CALLED it!) by Whipwreck, left, whip is reversed, up top, reversed into a flying headscissors by Whipwreck! Regal to the ropes and a stall conslutation with Taylor. Lockup, to the waistlock, Whipwreck turns it around but Regal takes him down, goind for a submission hold but Whipwreck counters, now Regal with a wristlock, into a crossface. Regal picks him up - kneelifts - European uppercut. Into the ropes, and an elbow as Whipwreck comes back.
Aw shit, JAMES HART
and the FIRST FAMILY are on top of the entryway. "Hey Englishmen! You
guys are really tough! One down, and two to go! If you want this
Hardcore Trophy back, it's very simple! All you gotta do is come to
Sturgis and take the Hardcore Trophy from the First Family!" Regal shouts
to the Family, threatening to "kill the bloody lot of you!" while
Whipwreck calmly walks up and schoolboys him from behind - but only 2.
Small package gets 2. Backslide for 2. Regal knocks Whipwreck down. By
the way, write this down somewhere - Meng rejoins the First Family really
soon now. They gave it away on Worldwide last week talking about the San
Francisco house show. Regal drops the knee on Whipwreck's face. Half
nelson applied while the crowd comes alive with the "USA" and the "USA."
Whipwreck up now - elbow in the gut. Elbow. Regal pulls Whipwreck
towards him - and hits a Finlay-esque elbow to the face. Regal throws
Whipwreck outside, then discusses kidney pie with referee "Blind" Scott
Dickenson while Taylor takes the flagpole to Whipwreck. Back in the ring
he's thrown - legdrop to the back of the neck - 1, 2, no. 1, 2, no.
Regal choking Whipwreck on the bottom rope now. Taylor striking a pose.
Regal and Dickenson talking again - another shot from Taylor to the gut.
Regal with lefts. Off the ropes we go - head down, knee to Regal -
schoolboy gets 2. Regal with a clothesline - griding the forearm into the
face, but only getting 2. Off the ropes and signalling to Taylor - but
it's Whipwreck getting the big move, hitting a huracanrana for 2. Left,
left, left, off the ropes, reversed, duck, Regal distracts Dickenson as
Taylor hits the back of the head with the flagpole, butterfly suplex,
Regal stretch, seeya. (7:59) Damn good match - even with the incredibly
pointless First Family crap. Regal drapes the Union Jack over Whipwreck's
lifeless form and then strikes the pose. Regal's the MAN.
Some would say Goldberg's the man - and he's back in the locker room working out. How's THAT for a segue? Yeah, I know.
Meng and Goldberg - they're gonna eat PIZZA! LITTLE CAESAR'S PIZZA!
Ewww, that Konnan Str8 Up G'z 4-ever bombay off da hook t-shirt ad is back
KISS hype #2
The "biggest KISS mark," Gene O., says "shank of the evening," then introduces current United States Champion DAVID SAMMARTINO - ERR, FLAIR and his ... ah, "companion" TORRIE WILSON, who gets the biggest ovation from the crowd just by walking through the ropes. Okerlund reminds us that this is the youngest US Champ in the history of our great sport. Okerlund reminds us that tonight, the challenge is on from the Crippler Chris Benoit. "Meeeean woooooo Gene! (Why is Hervey talking over the interview?) You know my dad used to tell me that to be the Man you gotta beat the Man, and tonight Chris Benoit, I'M the Man!" Gene tries to take exception to these comments but David interrupts him. "Hold on a second, how does the Champ look tonight?" "Oh honey, you're a 10 like always!" "That's right! ... My dad is the greatest wrestler ever to walk the face of this earth, and I am soon to be the SECOND greatest wrestler to ever walk the face of the earth. Isn't that right?" "Make it quick, we have better things to do, honey." Torrie certainly has fascinating breasts. Oh sorry. "It's gonna be easy as 1, 2, 3. Woooooooo...." I guess David's finally gotten that personality transplant we've all been waiting for.
Quick, send it backstage! Savage is still surrounded by plenty of authority types - we hear screeching and George is back. I have NO idea what she said, but the gist is Rodman is outside. Savage goes outside, says something that gets muted and walks around. He actually finds Rodman in a trailer, but the security keeps him from getting to him. I believe Savage actually slips in a word I'm not even allowed to type on WrestleLine between mutes - you go, Savage! Get banned!
This portion of WCW Monday Nitro is brought to you by WRANGLER! Real. Comfortable. Umm....I forgot the last word
"Don't Miss a Minute" promo #2
Shane Douglas speaks. I ain't transcribing. He's sat outside the company long enough - he's here to stand side-by-side with his good friends Malenko, Saturn, and Benoit - people he can trust. Once and for all, he's going to rid WCW of the cancer Ric Flair. Oh great, ANOTHER person come to bury Flair - no wonder Bischoff offered him a better deal.
Coming up Next graphic: Goldberg/Hennig - give them credit, this is the first one they've done all night...
Hudson introduces Little Caesar's spot #2
One more take of Goldberg preparing in his locker room, complete with "headbutt the locker" shot.
CURT HENNIG (with the West Tejas Rednecks) v. COLD BEER - Hennig comes out to "I Hate Rap," even though there's really no reason for him to hate rap anymore. Goldberg comes out to "Crush 'Em," despite the fact that nobody likes it better than his old theme. Goldberg's bleeding from his locker headbutt - better zoom out to the rafters! Lockup, Goldberg throws him away. Lockup, shove, big boot when Hennig comes back. Elbow, whip into the corner, clothesline. Pumphandle - Goldberg flips him over and he lands on his stomach. Hennig rolls out to his fellow rednecks. Goldberg grabs him by the hair to bring him in, but the Windhams hold onto the feet as Hennig manages a hot shot on the ropes. Duncum tosses Hennig the cowbell and bullrope while referee "Blind" Mickey J. talks to the Windhams. BELL SHOT! Now Hennig kicking field goals with Goldberg's gut. Hennig punching away but Goldberg hulking up. Scoop - and a slam. Right, right, backdrop into a slam. All three rednecks come in - and go down. Spear on Kendall and everybody gets happy. One for Duncum! One for Barry! Hennig is in with a chair - Goldberg DARES him to hit him - Hennig thinks better of it and takes a hike. J. calls for the bell (DQ? 2:51) and let's hear "Crush 'Em" again. Goldberg spits on Hennig, who gets angry enough to get in the ring - Goldberg throws him over the top rope and Hennig sails. Goldberg roars and the crowd roars back. Tinactin replay of the week of the spears and Hennig practising discretion - well, temporarily.
Here's an ad for the Nitro Girls Swimsuit Calendar special PPV - which IS rated TV-14 - premiering Tuesday, 3 August! Order now! Say, anybody seen the Nitro Girls tonight?
Closed captioning logo sneaks up on us again - Here's a Special Video Look at Hogan and Nash - going all the way back to 1996 and the formation of the NWO. They keep saying "Hogan and Nash, Nash and Hogan" apparently ignoring Scott Hall's role in all this. Hey, there's DiBiase! Hey, there's Wallstreet! I must say, it's truly a Herculean effort by the editing team to try to pretend there's actually some order and continuity behind all these clips when the storyline changed seemingly every month or so.
Let Us Take You Back to Earlier Tonight where Dennis Rodman took away Gorgeous George - now does that make him a face or a heel? I'm all cornfused.
PATTY STONE GRINDER v. MADUSA - Mommy?
(German suplex -> bridge ->
The two latest releases from the WCW Superstar Series are "NWO 4 life" and "Kevin Nash: the Outsider" - oh boy. I saw the DDP one on pay-per-view a while back and I have to say that those tapes suck. You know, Page DID have quite the career BEFORE 1996...anyway, the man is downright scary in his in-depth interviews. I especially like it when he just looks at the camera and says "Whatever."
Meng & Goldberg - they sit in front of those pizzas but NEVER take a slice - #3
DDP chat spot #2
Chad Brock hype #2
SHOE POLISH POWER SCOTT PUTSKI v. SHANE DOUGLAS - is Putski wearing VELVET trunks now? "ECW" chant goes nowhere. Putski gets in some token offense before we revert into full squash mode. Douglas is wearing his "Franchise" trunks and it appears they're going to run with the Franchise shtick for Douglas. Hudson DARES to use long-term memory in recalling some tag team reigns for Douglas and Ricky Steamboat back in the olden tymes. Embarrassingly bad match - damn, they've almost ALL been bad tonight - maybe Regal could wrestle again tonight. You can probably tell I'm not holding out hope for that Benoit/David match either. Douglas' finisher - a fishermanbuster - is called the "Pittsburgh Plunge" by Hudson. (4:01)
THIS portion of WCW Monday Nitro is brought to you by Starburst Hard Candy! Give it some JUICE!
CHRIS BENOIT v. DAVID SAMMARTINO - ERR, FLAIR (with Torrie Wilson & Asya) for the United States Heavyweight Championship - Somebody seems to have finally found the missing Benoit music, as he comes out to his own theme instead of Malenko's for the first time in months.
Ric's in Japan
tonight, we learn - with Reid at the Destroyers Invitational Amateur
Wrestling Something-or-other. God knows why, what with Sting being the
president and all, but the official assigned to this bout is referee
"Blind" Charles Robinson. Single leg trip from Benoit snaps Flair to the
mat. Slow to get up, but he eventually does and we start over in the
middle again. Benoit takes him down again there's the double Okie blow.
Lockup, knife-edge chop takes Flair down. Flair rolls out of the ring.
Robinson follows and demands that he get in the ring - "you're a Flair!"
Yeah, Ric NEVER took a powder on the outside. Anyway, we're all back in -
gutshot from Benoit and a gunshot chop. Benoit picking him up and putting
him in the corner - Flair's chest already purple and Benoit chopping again
- there's another. Hervey's hyena laughing again and I'm almost ready to
root for Flair just because Jason is SO annoying. Belly-to-back suplex.
Benoit standing over Flair - open-handed slap. Robinson urging Flair on -
kick to the back of the head. Another chop and Flair falls again.
Backbreaker across the knee. Elbowdrop. Robinson and Benoit exchanging
words. Liontamer! David's tapping but Robinson isn't calling for the
bell. Benoit walks back over to Flair, picks him up, sends him into the
corner, gutshot as he comes out. Snap suplex. Thumb 'cross the throat -
time for the headbutt - without a hitch from the top rope. Benoit kicking
dirt on Flair's prone form. Crippler crossface is on. David tapping away
- DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE is in and he's got the belt - belt to Benoit.
Oops, Robinson has something in his eyes and can't see what's going on!
Flair draped over Benoit - sigh, yup - 1, 2, 3. (4:54) DEAN MALENKO is
out (too late, dum-dum) and on Page - now KANYON & BAM BAM BIGELOW are out
- now PERRY SATURN is out - I believe this is now a cluster. Just after
everybody's cleared out - there's SHANE DOUGLAS. Oops, guess he was
caught without his boots on when run-in time came. *Good planning!*
Sting carries the WCW MasterCard, and growls.
Meng & Goldberg eat pizza #4 - one more to go, eh?
Chad Brock hype #3 - oh for
RICK WOOF WOOF (with a Bottle of Surge) v. NO-LIMIT SOLJA CHASE TATUM (by himself - no recognisable music either) for the World Television Championship - he is the dee-eff-jee, ya know. Good Lord, are they even TRYING to be competitive tonight?
All we're missing is DJ Ran
gettin' all up in my area to make this the PERFECT Nitro. (Bulldog -> pin
Road Wild promo - that IS Madusa, right? Just checking... ORDER NOW!
YOU KNOW WHO & (THIS IS) STING v. BIG POOCHIE & ? - This is our third helping of Voodoo Chili tonight and I must tell you I've got some bad gas over it. Somebody PLEASE tell me why Hogan's the only guy who NEVER gets a name graphic - is it because he's just SO BIG we don't NEED his name on our TV screen because OF COURSE we know who he is? Sting is the PRESIDENT of this company, right? Can't he at least paint a SMILE on his mime getup? Say, is this a good time to ask if Roddy Piper is still Vice-President of the company? Hudson, for the first time tonight, says "Scott Hall" as a possibility for the surprise tag team partner. Could the very recent Steiner match have merely served as a swerve and HE'S the partner? Is it Sid since we saw him come out with Nash to start the show? Is it the Warrior? Haha, just kidding - it is SID VISCOUS, natch. Now I can't remember...didn't Nash and Sid have...unresolved issues? Well, they're together now. Your referee is Nick Patrick. Hogan and Sid start. Sid points, Hogan slaps it away, crowd fails to react. "Feeling out process." Lockup, to the corner - Sid tries the unclean break but Hogan ducks out - right, right, right, stuffs his bandana in Sid's mouth (yuk), ten punch count along stops at 8 when Sid pulls Hogan out and hits an atomic drop. Arm wringer, reversed by Hogan, chop, right, right, bell ringer from Sting, right from Hogan, pinball effect. Hogan runs Sid's head into opposite turnbuckles - bodyslam? No, Sid with the clubbin' forearm to block and turn the tide. Scoop and a slam by Sid. Off the ropes - elbowdrop misses - too deliberate, I'd say. Right, right, right, right, right, right for Nash, right, right, clothesline over the top. Meanwhile, Nash is in and so's Sting - right, kick, chop, right, clothesline and NASH is over the top to the floor. Sting calls to the crowd and Hogan cups his ear. Hogan slips Sting some skin while Nash and Sid talk on the outside. Now Nash in the ring for his team. Test of strength - no, knee from Nash, elbow, right, right, elbow - I should add that every move is punctutated with a hair flip from Nash - framed elbow...misses! Whip into the opposite corner is reversed - Sting up and over but Nash has him on his shoulder - SNAKE EYES! Tag to Sid. Right to the chin (I guess). Right, giant pause, right, crowd coming alive with synchronous clapping, off the ropes, head down, clothesline from Sting, again, kick, Sid rakes the face. Tag to Nash. Open shot from Nash. Sid still holding him and Nash still getting the open shots - Patrick is busy keeping Hogan from coming in the ring.
Short clothesline from
Nash. Blind switch and Sid goes to the chinlock. Sting coming to and
elbowing out - BODYSLAM! Off the ropes, but the splash finds the knees.
Sid tags to Nash - crotch chop elbowdrop. Lazy cover only nets 2. Sting
kicks, right, right, chop, right for Sid, Nash gives Hogan a shot to take
him off the apron so by the time Sting gets there there's nobody to tag -
Nash catches Sting and takes him to his own corner to tag Sig. Or perhaps
not, because Nash still has Sting. In the corner - knee, whip into the
opposite corner - Sting tries to go up and over (maybe?) but ends up
springing backwards and colliding with Nash. Both men groggy and looking
for the tag. Tag to Hogan! Nash tries a clothesline but Hogan ducks and
hits one of his own instead. Ducks Sid and hits a clothesline. 1, 2, 3
rights. In the corner, more rights - Sting in and on Sid - Stinger
splash! But Patrick was between them and he goes down like a ton of
bricks. Meanwhile, Hogan slams Nash. Sting and Sid brawling on the
outside while Hogan punches away at Nash. RICK WOOF WOOF is out with a
steel chair - whack on Sting. Hogan shoots Nash into the ropes - da big
boot - time for the legdrop - nope, Steiner grabs the leg and trips him up
- chair in the ring - chair to Hogan's head - WEAK shot - Patrick comes to
- 1...2...3. (9:36) Nash has pinned Hogan! COLD BEER is out (hey, a
little LATE there, Bill) Before he can do damage to Nash, Steiner WAFFLES
him with the chair three times. Nash and Steiner out of the ring and
embracing - Sid joining them - and they all walk off triumphantly. Nash's
theme plays - Goldberg, Sting and Hogan are left laying in the ring. And
Guess what? Last week's good show was a fluke.