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/2 August 1999

WCW Nitro




I GET LETTERS: Remember, EVERY letter I print is real:


Wait...I *have* a real job!

Eleven million Americans LIVE for one night a week! The promo COULDN'T BE LYING!




LAST WEEK: Madusa - Mona - George - "AS THE WORM TURNS" - Rodman - Savage - TV-PG-DLV - Nash - Hogan - Sting - HOGAN-STING DREAM TEAM - Closed Captioned - Rick Steiner - Sid Vicious - NASH PINS HOGAN! - Goldberg - yup

Logo - friend ...

WE ARE LIVE from the Convention Centre in Sioux Falls, SD and QUICK! Let's go to the

Video clip of ... well, I THINK it's the NWO - no, wait, it's Hogan and Nash - wait, there's Sting...Goldberg? Savage with the belt....okay, there', wait, that's Hall, okay, and ... but that's Nash and Hogan doing the ... ah hell, Flair? I guess this is just a "best of" from LAST week's Special Video Package, without narration. All *I* know is they need to turn down David Penzer's mic when he's trying to rile up the crowd.

SCOTT HUDSON & BOBBY HEENAN remind us that Hollywood Hogan and Kevin Nash will slug it out for the Big Gold Belt at Road Wild ONLY on Pay-Per-View 14 August! But hey, last week on THUNDER! it happened - it indeed was own like neckbone as

Let Us Take You Back to THUNDER! last Thursday as Stevie Ray removed the NWO tank top and pledged to watch his brutha's back as Booker T. opted to put family over his own career by reforming Harlem Heat instead of going for all those singles titles he so richly deserves.

This portion of the Nitro ad fest and recapathon is brought to you by SNICKERS! Snicker, snicker!

DA TRIAD comes out to make noise. I'd tell you what I hate about this shtick, but if I do, they'll just do it again next week. Somewhere in here a tag team title defense against Harlem Heat is mentioned, and Page talks a lot about Chris Benoit in the hopes the the Internet fans won't continue to turn on him - well, except for the gang at SCOOPS.

TRIPPA B & (khris) KANYON v. HARLEM HEAT in a nontitle match - oh, well, it's a nontitle match. Referee "Blind" Nick Patrick sends Page to the back. Kayon and T. take turns riling up the crowd. Scott Hudson is in "retroactive angle" mode with the two brothas and I'm not in the mood. Kanyon claiming a hair pull. Lockup #2, side headlock from KAnyon, T powers out, shoulderblock from Kanyon, up and over, leapfrog, dropkick from T and the crowd LOVES Booker T. As they should. Armbar on Kanyon, tag to Ray. Sends him into the ropes, double back elbow. Atomic drop from Ray. Big kick from Ray and Kanyon goes out. Crowd is rabid. I get the feeling there ain't much to do in SoDak. Tag to Bigelow, boo birds fly. Bigelo and Ray nose to nose - Bigelow raking the face and pounding away. In the corner, takes him out, but runs into t clothesline. Body blows from Bigelow - Hudson says "tattooed" three times. Bigelow rakes the face again, snapmare, fallin' headbutt. Bigelow tries the snap suplex - nope. Ray won't budge - RAY WITH A SUPLEX!! But he hurt himself with that exertion and Bigelow is up first. Back on him - choke on the second rope.



Stomp, tag. Into the ropes, double back elbow from the Jersey boys for 2. Into the corner - shoulder drives from Kanyon, right, appeal to the crowd, Kanyon is found unappealing - into the corner, big boot up! Lariat from Ray - tag to Booker T.! Roundhouse kick. Forearms. Into the opposite corner, Kanyon puts up the boot. Elbow to the back of the head. Into the ropes, reversed, Kanyon eats an elbow. T on Bigelow, who's on the apron, just long enough for Kanyon to strike. Elbows to the head and neck. Suplex - nicely done. Outside - slingshot in, elbowdrop gets 2. Scoop and a slam following the tag - top rope diving headbutt! 1, 2, Stevie Ray makes the save. Fallin' headbutt from Bigelow. Standing dropkick (I guess). Off the ropes, duck, double clothesline and both men are down. Stevie Ray leading the cheers - and the crowd is LIVING for Harlem Heat. Tag to Kanyon, tag to Ray! House a fire! Both men alternately down with punches! Big boot! Thrust kick! Scoop slam but Bigelow breaks it up. Pier Four brawl erupting here. Ten punch count along by Ray stops when he rescues T from a move by Bigelow. Harlem sidekick on Kanyon by Booker T.! To the top rope. But DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE is back out and ready to flail away with the title belt - but CHRIS BENOIT is also out! Benoit pulls page back, T HITS the missile dropkick and there's the pin! 1, 2, 3!! (8:01) Oh man, they were so close to severely screwing up that match and pissing me off, not to mention the ENTIRE live crowd. Benoit takes the mic and challenges Page. He shouldn't have brought his momma into it. I'll ignore the fact that Stevie Ray forgets that he hates Chris Benoit since he DID give some quizzical looks but shrugged it off - now, if there had been a HANDSHAKE or something....but I guess Benoit is too busy being intense. It IS his time now, he say, and tonight he'll show Page he's got more than he does. And don't EVER bring Mom into this.

In the back, Lenny & Lodi .... hey, wasn't that a great match just then?

Promotional consideration paid for by Slim Jim, Naya, America (ha!) Online, Motel 6 7/8, Toaster Breaks Pizza from Hot Pockets, and Tinactin has a website?!? WHY?!?

Hey! Goldberg's in that ad for "Universal Soldier: the Return!" Not that anybody who isn't named Jean-Claude Van Damme is, you know, named.

Subscribe to the WCW Magazine - if you're a SUCKER!

Don't Miss a Minute - of this Special Video Look at everything I've hated about Nitro the past few weeks

(Twenty-six minutes after) Opening Credits

CHAD BROCK performs LIVE on NITRO next WEEK! Mow the grass! Fix the leaves! Eat a steak! Kick some shit!

Hey, look! It's the NITRO GIRLS! Welcome back, Jazz!

WE ARE LIVE and it's time for FIREWORKS! Tonight, from Sioux Falls, SD 2.8.99 on WCW MONDAY NITRO Page and Benoit hook it up! QUICK!

(THIS IS) STING is out to ... talk? Not only is he back, but he's back in black. I have heard that he's President of this company, but ... "Back in black in the hoooooooouse..." Oh no, he's caught the "in the house" disease. "Last week we had some tag team action on Monday Nitro, don't like the way it turned out, so tonight, there's a couple wrestlers sitting out in the back that I'd like to see tonight. I'm talking about Sid Vicious - I'm talking about Rick Steiner - Last week, Hogan stepped up to the plate as my partner - this week, I'M the one that needs a partner, so I'M the one doing the asking..." crowd chants for Goldberg, ha!



"It sounds unanimous - but let me just find out for sure - who should be my tag team partner tonight?" Crowd chants for Goldberg. "I think that it is unanimous! Bill Goldberg, I am asking you to be my partner tonight!" Wow, I was SURE they'd go with Hogan. Could they actually be smartening up? "I'll be back at the top of the hour at nine-o'clock to get your answer. We will find out whether or not it's SHOWTIME, folks!" Sting, you're a whore.

There's a picture of Buff! And the Cat! 'cause they'll fight at ROAD WILD! And you WILL order it! Ha ha HA ha ha ha ha!

THREE TIME WORLD KARATE CHAMPION AND THE GODFATHER OF SOUL THE CAT (with Sonny Onoo) v. A CLIP FROM LAST WEEK'S NITRO INVOLVING BUNNY SLIPPERS - if you watched Saturday Night (and who can blame you if you didn't), you already knew that Cat raised the stakes by promising that if he didn't pin Bagwell in under five minutes, he'd crawl out of here. And it's a good thing, because he's more interested in crying "racism!" that repeating what he said on Saturday. Cat says since Lenny & Lodi are so interested in his pink slippers, they can come down to the ring and talk about it. LENNY appears to have lost his last name as he and LODI make their way to the ring to Lodi's theme - stopping to swap Tootsie Roll Pops. Cat invites them into the ring - and because they're idiots, they do. Referee "Blind" Scott Dickenson has materialised out of thin air, so I guess this is a Handicap match - YOU tell ME which side is handicapped in this matchup. No I guess, this is a singles match with Lenny, as Lodi is content to put the big chase on Onoo outside the ring, now inside the ring, now Cat takes him out. Somewhere in here Lenny is pinned (1:35) and now Dickenson is booted out of the ring. Hey, remember last week when Evan Karagias pinned the Cat? Neither does anybody else! I'm guessing the stuff Cat said Saturday is also meant to be forgotten, then. Well, perhaps that's actually for the best.

Closed captioning of Nitro brought to you by Meineke! And George Foreman!

WEB CHAT! Diamond Dallas Page! Wednesday! Ask him what he thought about Kimberly running around behind his back with Johnny B. Badd and the Booty Man! Ask him whatever happened to his Battlebowl ring! Ask him if he's gonna put on that Wolfpac T-shirt! ASK HIM EVERYTHING!! Hey, you REALLY wanna have fun? Save some of these questions for Meltzer on Thursday. He LIVES for questions like this. I SWEAR.

Here's a picture of Hogan - here's one of Nash - they REALLY want you to know who's fighting at the American Iron Horse sponsored Road Wild - ONLY ON PAY-PER-VIEW!

GENE O. works tonight! And he wastes no time putting some Voodoo Chili on the grill as YOU KNOW WHO works hard to hide his limp, ably assisted by Hudson's proclamation of Hogan as 100%. Crowd is cheering Hogan...but not as loud as they did for Harlem Heat, it should be mentioned.



Hogan gets edgy on us by referring to "Mrs. Kevina" - apparently Hogan bled up a storm last week but perhaps I was spared on the West Coast feed. Hogan goes surreal on us - "freshly shaven" - "Nash's got a date with me in Sturgis" - Hogan "shoots" with us, which is to say he unleashes his massive ego 'pon the masses and cares not how many are killed in the process. And THEN he says he'll be happy to put the title on the line against Nash TONIGHT! This, of course, were it to actually take place, would only go to prove that people who pay for PPV's are idiots.

Promotional consideration paid for by David (Flair) sunflower seeds, Hot Pockets from Hot Pockets, KILL THE BEAR - PLEASE, Judge Wapner for Singer Scam Finance, and the tangy zip de Mir'cle Whip

Let Us Take You Back to Earlier Tonight where Sting said some stuff

Hudson COMMANDS me to destroy my remote! So mote it be! The Dynamic Duo chat it up because we're not quite close enough to...oh wait

By my watch, it IS about time for the response previously alluded to. Here comes (THIS IS) STING one more time to the ring. "Bill Goldberg - is it or is it not SHOOOOOWTIME folks?" Is that just his way of saying "hi" to the Big Show or what? Crowd chants "Cold beer" as we look to backstage to see COLD BEER leaving the locker room - but RICK WOOF WOOF calls to him from behind a door. Goldberg turns to Steiner - and gets WAFFLED by a snow shovel by SID VISCOUS. Doubleteam is on, door is locked - and by the time Sting has made his way back there, Sid takes HIM out with the shovel. Now all three men back to the ring while the crowd chants. Sting's fighting back! It's one man on two - but when that one man is Sting, it doesn't matter! Oh, wait, he jumped into a chokeslam from Sid. Never mind. Crowd chants again, just in case it'll help. It does not. No, wait, Goldberg KICKS the door open and runs to the ring! Steiner and Vicious scatter while Goldberg stands over the fallen Sting. Crowd chants one more time, just for grins.



"Why wait?" I guess Goldberg just gave his answer. But of course, we can't have that match now, so everybody walks off. Let Us Take You Back to Moments Ago in case you just missed it, 'cause you were checking to see if RAW started or something. And here's another replay. DON'T check on RAW! DON'T do it!

Hey look! Hardcore Holly's gonna have fun with the Acolytes! Oh, wait, that's the OTHER show.

WCW Magazine spot #2 - I bet Shawn Michaels isn't in their "top 50 wrestlers of the decade" - just a sneaky suspicion

Let Us Take You Back to The Last Segment Just One More Time - PLEASE don't change the channel. Hey, you know what would keep ME glued to the television set? A MATCH!!!

COURAGEOUS EVAN KARAGIAS (and his pants) v. DISCO INFERNO - Hudson and Heenan vamp on a "shank" riff, then Hudson sends well wishes to Karagias' grandfather, in the hospital with heart surgery. Me too! Hudson manages to remember Karagias defeated the Cat last week, and I'm amazed. Lockup, go behind, takedown from Disco, back up we go. Lockup, side headlock, chain from Disco, reversal, side headlock from Karagias, to the ropes, off the ropes, shoulderblock from Karagias, off the ropes, over we go, hiptoss from Karagias, dropkick, dropkick, Disco begs off. Back up we go, lockup, arm wringer from Karagias, reversal from Disco, wrenching it over, Karagias somersaults out, off the ropes, atomic drop from Disco, lariat knocks the man down. To the corner, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick, Disco struts. Those last few kicks may have been stomps, in the interest of accuracy. Scoop and a slam from Disco - another boogie. To the second rope - Disco elbowdrop finds the mark. 1, 2, no. Scoop - and a slam. Disco wants us to watch him - another second rope trip - flip flop and miss. Off the ropes, reversal, flying jalapeno from Karagias - Iblockyourpunchyoudon'tblockmine, again, windup and a big punch. Off the ropes, powerslam from Karagias - near fall. Knife-edge chop (wooo!), Disco ducks a clothesline, gutshot, off the ropes, swinging neckbreaker, only 2. Off the ropes, reversal, jumping back elbow takes Disco down. Snap suplex from Karagias. Floatover, cover, 2. This match is so close, it can only end with Savage. Disco holds the ropes and Karagias misses a dropkick. LAST DANCE! 1, 2, 3. (4:20 - either light up or leave me alone) Savage is nowhere to be seen - have they smartened up? This replay is the Tinactin replay of the week! This Chartbuster is TOUGH ACTIN'!

Torrie and David have a chat - I'm AMAZED that David can just SIT there with Torrie's hand on his thigh and not sport major wood. Not that I'm checking. David lets us know that he only has to defend the title every 30 days - so it's time he gave his body a rest. Oh, and something about Charles Robinson being his ref...I missed it. I'm sure they'll repeat it twelve or twenty times if it's REALLY important.

Mike Tenay narrates a Special Video Look at the United States Heavyweight Title - and David Flair. Of course, in WCW "history" only goes back about two or three years...




"Universal Soldier: the Return" movie ad least

This is a major onsale announcement! Friday buy tickets for Port Huron! Saturday buy tickets for Miami for Nitro! Wednesday go to Cedar Rapids, Thursday, LaCrosse for THUNDER! and Friday in El Paso for LIVE ACTION!

KISS performs LIVE 23 August! Will they pre-empt a match or a Special Video Look? What do YOU think?

Hey, look, it's the Nitro Girls! Jazz is gone again - must have re-injured herself.

Sid says something we can't hear as they forget to turn down the ambient crowd noise. Eh, it probably isn't important.

THAT was a productive segment.

Saturn T-shirt ad is probably meant to be pitied, not laughed at.

Bigelow, Kanyon, Stevie Ray, Booker T., all get pictures by way of promoting Road Wild. It's almost like they're setting up the card! Wow!

HUGH MORRUS & JERRY FLYNN (with James Hart) v. DEAN MALENKO & SHANE DOUGLAS - Malenko's music brings out Dean and Douglas - get it? Dean Douglas? Get it? Hah? Hey, didn't Crash the Terminator and Shane Douglas have history in ECW? No, wait, don't answer that, I don't care. In fact, I don't care about this match. Don't get me wrong, I feel BAD about that. Douglas is supposed to have a real smokin' angle and stuff, but I'm not into it. Maybe it's because, after all, the opposition is MERELY HUGH FREAKIN' MORRUS AND JERRY FREAKIN' FLYNN. See, those two should be wrestling *each other*, NOT teaming up in the second hour of Nitro against two members of the Revolution. Come to think of it, Malenko and Douglas should ALSO be fighting each other! THAT'S a money match, baby! Well, okay, it's a 2.4 quarter hour, but hey, I'D be watching it!


I perk up when I fantasize I heard Hudson actually use the words "Blind Mickey J." in that same order. This is a standard by the numbers tag match, complete with missed tag during the extended face in peril sequence on Malenko. FINALLY we get the hot tag, and ol' Douglas, he be a house on far, yaknowin. Morrus breaks up a pinfall attempt, drawing in Malenko - now Hart up on the apron, brandishing the Hardcore Trophy - well of COURSE the wrong man feels it. Now Flynn clotheslines his partner - fishermanbuster - sorry, Pittsburgh Pitstop Plunge - and there's the pin. (7:38) Malenko walks off with the Hardcore Trophy, vowing to return it to Finlay. Hmm, I guess they're killing off THAT angle. Another good idea! Are these guys smartening up on us?

This portion of Nitro is brought to you by WRANGLER! Wrangle up some jeans!

Jimmy Barron is A Cheap Bastard

KISS spot - they perform live 23 August - over/under on their quarter hour is - hey Joe, what was the Megadeth quarter again?

Goldberg! "Ric" Steiner! Road Wild! THEY CAN'T SPELL!

Here's a "Crush 'Em" video - instead of comparing Megadeth to Machines of Loving Grace or Stabbing Westward this week, I'll instead make fun of all the obsolete "WCW" logos I see in this clip package. Oh, and that they play the "I'm Back" every week. Let it go.

This portion of Nitro is brought to you by Little Caesar's! Anybody seen Meng actually COMPETE lately?

By the way, "ER" is NOT "the best show ever." That distinction CLEARLY goes to ":20 Minute Workout." Anybody got any episodes on tape for me? C'mon, I'D share with YOU.

Speaking of hot chicks movin' around, hey look! It's the Nitro Girls!

Saturday Night it was announced that Sting would take on Sid at Road Wild. Have they bothered to mention that TONIGHT? No.

The Dynamic Duo make noise telling us what's coming up later.


Hey, I wonder what's coming up NOW?!? Pom pom pom...oh hey, here's RICK WOOF WOOF walking out in an "unscripted" moment - hey Hudson, the reason he's not on your format is they book the show AFTER they print out your format. Rick chases Heenan away, grabs Hudson (holy shit!), takes him into the ring, paintbrushes him, then delivers a BELLY-TO-BELLY SUPLEX! And as God is my witness, I have no idea WHY!! Hudson, ever the champ, sells is like he was killed dead but good. SECURITY forms a protective phalanx, which Rick promptly busts through to deliver more of a beatdown, then finally he's off. Hudson still ain't moving, time for some medical folk and a quick cut to an ad for

"Kevin Nash: The Outsider," and "NWO: 4 Life" are (totally) in my face profiles!

Hey, how come TONY never gets suplexed? Now I count three choices to replace Hudson for the rest of the show - Schiavone, Bischoff, and Tenay. Two of these choices are TOTALLY unacceptable to my trained ear, and they are therefore the two most logical choices. I am ON THE EDGE OF MY SEAT during this ad break - WHO? WHO will occupy the analysts chair? Somebody anal?

Now I really have to go to the bathroom. Suddenly, that's more important that the lead announcer on Nitro.

Okay, I'm back. FX is pretty smart to advertise their toughman series during Nitro, you know.

Of COURSE, it's ERIC BISCHOFF on the headset - because he LOVES this "real life" stuff - remember when he tried to glom off the Olympic bombing that one Monday? Hudson's being loaded on a stretcher, but Bischoff is more concerned with getting Heenan back out next to him. Bischoff buttoning up his shirt to give the impression that this is a shoot, baby - nobody expected this, nosiree. Heenan takes his place next to Bischoff and acts visibly shaken as we get a shot of the ambulance being loaded. Bischoff misuses "literally" to make me laugh. This is all Rick Steiner - he's a madman. Oh well - let's go to the next matchup!

BOBBY DUNCUM JNR v. PERRY SATURN - Duncum comes alone and to the instrumental version of "I Hate Rap," while Saturn comes out to big pyro and some music that reminds me of when "RAW is WAR" used to open up with Marilyn Manson's "Beautiful People." Bischoff is kissing up to Saturn - and Benoit. Uh huh. CURT HENNIG comes out before this match to yak a bit about "Curt Hennig wannabes." Fortunately, Bischoff is there to tell us he's talking about Chad Brock before Hennig gets to his point; namely, that Chad Brock is short, fat, bald and ugly, and nobody likes that kind of a person. "Warner Brothers Records" is mentioned - cheque's in the mail. Hennig makes everything right by calling Saturn "Your anus." Saturn promptly destroys Duncum, then tells Hennig he's a "stupid redneck" and maybe he should come get him some. Well, let's call it a (no contest - under :30) and cut to

CURT HENNIG v. PERRY SATURN - it's all Saturn until Duncum provides a spot o' interference. Now it's all Hennig. Saturn trying to fight back, Hennig again taking the upper hand when Duncum grabs onto the foot. Choke on the second rope. Hennig trying to open up every orifice in Saturn's face. Slappin' the back of the head now. Crowd trying to come alive for Saturn. Bischoff says "AWA" to perk up the two smarts still watching. Did Bischoff say "WWF?"


I HATE that I am gonna have to actually LISTEN now. Yup. Hennig cheating, but Saturn still kicking out at 2. Referee "Blind" Nick Patrick having words with Hennig. Work boot stomp from Hennig. Neck between the knees, and Hennig twists. Picking him up by the ears, now. Iblockyourpunchyoudon'tblockmine! Punch! Punch! Punch! Saturn coming back! Shirt ripped off, knife-edge chop (Wooo!) on the exposed chest. Big boots! Kick! Now Hennig putting his shirt over Saturn's head and punching at the blind man. Saturn punching away, most missing by a mile. Atomic drop from Saturn. Belly-to-belly overhead. Shot for Duncum. Time for the Spicolli driver. Well, time for the WINDHAM BROS. to cause the DQ (4:35) - here's a hog-tyin'. Patrick gets KO'd. FINALLY, DEAN MALENKO & SHANE DOUGLAS are out as Bischoff covers by saying there are no monitors back there - YEAH, RIGHT - rednecks (who "suck," according to the crowd) are off and the save is made. Time for an ad break!

Chad Brock - you know, he IS kinda ugly...

Bischoff blatantly kisses Brock's ass. Let Us Take You Back to Last Week where David Flair tapped out, but Charles Robinson failed to ring the bell, and Chris Benoit (who is suddenly the GREATEST young talent ever to compete in the WCW, ever) was screwed out of the United States Heavyweight Title. Page's interference last week sets up tonight's big match...

DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE (with [khris] Kanyon & Trippa B) v. CHRIS BENOIT - Page tells Kanyon and Bigelow to stay back - he don't need them tonight. Benoit comes out to his own music as Bischoff says "Revolution" a couple hundred times. Of COURSE they belong in the third hour - forget about it! Referee is Charles Robinson, oh by the way. Staredown. Spittle exchanged, slaps exchanged, punches exchanged, kneelift from Page, into the corner, backdrop suplex ("Side suplex" says Eric), Page works the crowd a bit - going for another suplex, Benoit into a Crippler crossface, Page to the ropes quickly and out. Baseball slide dropkick from Benoit! Back in we go - Knife-edge chop (woooo!), whip is reversed, gutshot, swinging neckbreaker from Page. Hard into the corner - but Benoit flips away out of an attempt as he comes out, shoves Page into the corner and lets loose with some gunshot chops. Whip is reversed, punch, atomic drop by Page, duck, chop, chop, snap suplex by Benoit. Elbowdrop. Off the ropes, reversed into a back elbow. Both men down, Page up first. Powerbomb - hits! 1, 2, no. Bischoff comments about Ric Flair's absence tonight...humm. Choke on the second rope, with a face rake added for good measure. Elbowdrop looked a little low there. Crowd boos with vigor. Kick to the gut. And again. Standing on the neck and pulling up on the second rope for good measure. Break. Page goes outside and puts an elbow on the heart. Page back in - elbow to the back of the head. Slap to the back of the head, paintbrushing again - Benoit coming back with elbows but Page catches him off the ropes with a spinebuster for 2. Page and Robinson have words - uhh. I'm SO confused. Bischoff's commentary isn't helping me. Elbowdrop to the inner thigh again.


Scoop - and a slam. Flourished elbowdrop. 1, 2, no. Bischoff says Sting is ready to "clean up the paperwork" - whatever THAT means. Benoit crotches Page on the top. SUPERPLEX! Bischoff lets us know that the Flair in power angle is pretty much killed, although he says it in storyline terms. Both men down - Benoit rolls over but Page puts the shoulder up at JUST the last minute. Right hands traded. Now Benoit only. Chop! Chop! German suplex - 1, 2, no. Benoit holds on - 1, 2, no. Page holds the ropes and a third doesn't happen - Page's trick knee acts up, oops. Uranage. 1, 2, no. Bischoff makes a big deal out of Sid saying he was going to be the man for the Millennium - a shot at the WWF's countdown perhaps? Benoit is up and there's a thumb-'cross-the-throat. Swandive headbutt! DAVID SAMMARTINO - ERR, FLAIR is out but Benoit prevents a belt shot and rolls up Page. 1, 2, 3. (7:50) KANYON & TRIPPA B are out but Benoit shoves them off - then turns around and gets hit with a Diamond Cutter. TORRIE WILSON is out, too - not enough out, ha. Kanyon and Bigelow begged off by Page. Second Diamond Cutter. Flair standing over Benoit and gloating. Benoit taken to the top rope - Super Diamond Cutter! Flair standing over him with the US title again.

Let's Take a Special Video Look at Macho Man Randy Savage - he's coming up

Sid promises that in the year 2000 he'll be the millennium man. This is either the same clip they showed earlier with the sound balances fixed, or it's another clip of ... oh, who cares.

Nash - Hogan - Title - Road Wild - American Ironhorse - Spend spend spend

Randy Savage - Dennis Rodman - Road Wild! Oh boy, Savage vs. Rodman - I only have one question - WHERE'S ARLI$$?

Gene O. invites out RANDY SAVAGE. What up Motch? Ohhh yeah! Although Gene says he's accompanied by Gorgeous George, he's actually not. Taking their cue from Godfather coming out without his ho's, crowd boos Savage. Savage is wearing a "VOTE MACHO" getup, continuing to be the only person on Earth to act as if he's running for president (and ALMOST the only person on Earth to act as if HOGAN'S running for president). It's time to take out the trash! George is under lock and key. "Hollywood - you're dead! Nash - you're dead! Rodman - you're REALLY dead!" Head to head at Sturgis - Savage and Rodman have a date! But Savage can't wait, he'd like Rodman tonight! But instead of Rodman, MONA is out to ask for her job back. Savage gives Mona the loyalty oath, then grabs her by the chin, then the hair, puts her on her knees and demands she beg for her job. Savage says he's reconsidered, and she's still fired, ohh yeah. Savage again asks for Rodman - "ass" is bleeped. Well sho nuff there's DENNIS RODMAN along with ... SWOLL & 4X4?? Well, I guess those bruthas gotta stick togetha and with no Mister P, Dennis'll do in a pinch. Rodman is muted ("Hey Macho asshole!"), "What's wrong are you mad I had sex witchyo girl or what?", Savage is muted ("punk ass") and next thing we know, Rodman is walking to the ring... Rodman goes on to say "Once you go black, you never go back, babee!" Savage says something ELSE that gets muted (I sure miss that live feed - something to do with bitches, apparently) - anywho, Mona delivers a Golota from behind, and Bischoff is so busy screaming for the audio to get cut that he has no time for a hyena laugh at Macho's ... uncomfortableness.


Rodman storms the ring and delivers a clothesline from behind - there's an elbowdrop. And one more. Does ANYBODY care about this? Rodman asks for a mic, but nobody will give him one (at Bischoff's behest). I guess it's not "family friendly" enough out here. Ha! Crowd finally works up a "Rodman" chant as we go to break (during which, I'm sure, Rodman will finally get that mic).

This portion of WCW Monday Nitro is brought to you by 10-10-321 - which Bischoff pronounces "onezeroonezerothreetwoone" - give me a break.

Sting and Sid at Road Wild! It only takes a couple graphics to break that news!

Bischoff praises the censors.

VAMPIRO (with ICP & Raven) v. EDDIE GUERRERO - Vampiro comes to the ring to an *exclusive* Insane Clown Posse track available on the upcoming Tommy Boy "WCW Mayhem" compact disc. Yippee. Hey, they don't SWEAR in that song, do they? This entrance seems to go on forever. Nitro Girls PPV tomorrow - TNT nixed the special preview they were supposed to provide tonight on Nitro - more broken promises. This is supposed to make you think there's just SO MUCH NUDITY that you simply MUST shell out the bucks for the ol' Nitro Girls PPV. Uh huh. TV-PG-LV ratings box inexplicably makes an appearance. Guerrero is a man possessed on Vampiro. Bischoff singing the praises of Guerrero like he was Benoit. Whip is reversed, but Eddie hits a nice dropkick, there's a shot to Violent J, there's a clothesline for Vampiro, but Violent J hooks the leg and Vampiro takes control. Raven looks on silently. There's a suplex. Bischoff is the first to mention ICP at Woodstock. Choke on the second rope. Toss through the ropes, Eddie lands on a cameraman. Vampiro out - whip into the barricade. Continuing the attack on the outside now - Eric tells them to get away from the broadcast position, and then just not quite off camera you can see Eric pointing them AWAY from the table (ha). To the STEEL steps goes Eddie. Back in the ring. Overhead belly-to-belly suplex for 2. Right, kick, Eddie trying to fight back ... and succeeding, until Vampiro catches him in a chokeslam. There's 2. Vampiro to the top - Eddie meeting him there - superarmdrag from the top to the canvas! Vampiro up first - charging in - Eddie catches him and sets him on the top rope - Shaggy to the apron - Eddie takes out both guys, runs the ropes to take out Violent J - then hits a pescado on Vamp and Shaggy. Back in go the participants - frog splash? No, Raven pushes Eddie off the top rope. Nail in the Coffin, 1, 2, 3. (4:41) Is it just me or could that match have been much MUCH better? Well, REY REY & KONNAN (and a chair) make the save so the ICP cut short their boot usin'. Everybody stares at everybody else. Let's go to a break!

Achtung achtung! Hier ist meine vignette!


"Know victory - No defeat - [something said im Deutsch that's so heavily echoed I can't figure it out] - BERLYN"

Nash and Hogan highlight Road Wild - thanks American Ironhorse! #2

Bischoff says Nash isn't gonna take Hogan up on his offer tonight. Uh huh. For an encore, Bischoff calls out Hollywood Hogan to do colour commentary for this match. But...wait...there aren't any monitors in the back? As the scent of Voodoo Chili wafts through the air, Heenan asks to take his leave. YOU KNOW WHO takes Heenan's seat. "You know I never knew what a warm reception I'd get just from shaving my face!" Because the main event is next, let's take one last ad break!

"Universal Soldier: the Return" ad - #3? Maybe? So, so tired...

DDP chat ad - #2? I think?

Oh boy! Bischoff and Hogan doing commentary! I can turn the volume to zero and RIP OUT THE KNOB! Appears that Mr. Vicious has some theme music...

RICK WOOF WOOF & SID VISCOUS v. (THIS IS) STING & COLD BEER - Boy, there's a lot of badmouth going on about Nash not being around to answer Hogan's challenge - what could THAT mean? Funny to hear Hogan glom onto Goldberg despite the comments he made about him on Larry King less than a month ago. You know what the deal is with "Crush 'em?" Fans can't start a "Goldberg" chant to it. AND APPARENTLY *NOBODY* CAN FIGURE THIS OUT. I'll give it to you for free, Turner idiots! Pier Four Brawl to start. Goldberg and Steiner together, whoops, Steiner out. Now Sid out. Goldberg and Sting alone in the ring as we get a good shot of the back of Goldberg's head - did they actually OPEN him up with that shovel? Bischoff says they glued his head together with superglue - ummm, okay. Sting in trouble on the outside and Sid hitting a blow in "un foul" region. Sting back in and Steiner with a devastating rear chinlock. Steiner picks up Sting and rams him into the top turnbuckle in an incredibly awkward spot. Could this be two weeks in a row that they injure somebody? Sid won't pick up Sting - the knee may very well be hurt. Weak stomp, rear chinlock from Sid. Sting to his feet. Limping. Elbowing out -


off the ropes - well maybe he's okay. Sting taking Sid's head to the mat repeatedly. "My God" is muted from Hogan. Yeah, don't say "God" on TNT! Sid manages to turn the tide with the chokeslam for 2 - Goldberg saves. Steiner in - that's an illegal switch behind referee "Blind" Billy Silverman's back! Steiner with the submission hold - Sid helping while Silverman's back is turned. 2 count. Right. Tag, crowd chants "Sting" and Sting hits a mighty punch. Scoop and a slam. But a splash finds the knees. "How does it feel, stupid?" Sid's cool. Steiner attacking at will while Silverman's back is turned. Rear chinlock again from Sid. Scoop and a slam. Legdrop misses! Sting putting on the Sharpshooter, but Rick is in - now Goldberg is in and on Rick. Goldberg takes Steiner to the outside but Steiner grabs a chair while he's out there. Hogan says this won't do and gets up to nab the chair, THEN he plunks Rick on the head, there's a plunk for Sid (DQ 6:09) - now BIG POOCHIE is out (from the crowd?) and YOW! POWERBOMB THROUGH THE ANNOUNCE TABLE! Quickly we go to the closing credits.

The first half, they had me. The second half, they lost me again - and this, DESPITE a pretty good Benoit/Page match.

Ah well. GOOD NIGHT!

[slash] wrestling



Copyright (C) 1999 Christopher Robin Zimmerman & KZiM Communications