/27 September 1999
IN HIS OWN
Before I go any further, I would like to say that I
want this e-mail exchange to remain totally and completely private... and
I will keep this just as private as you do, if you so wish. - Sean
Shannon, shortly before 4am 23.9.99
... after a recent e-mail discussion with CRZ, you can damn well bet that he won't be appearing on Rantsylvania.com anytime soon. - Sean "Man of My Word" Shannon, approximately 29 hours later in a public message to all on the NWWWO Delphi forum
See, where I come from, "totally and completely private" would seem to preclude even making reference to EXISTENCE of the exchange. But I've always had a problem with English, I suppose...now, FRENCH I've never had a problem with. Hey, did I just type up a pun? Alert the media!
QUOTE OF THE WEEK: I think I checked out Rantsylvania like once and I was like "The big deal is...?" and haven't gone back since. It's just when these guys start getting, like, all *grave* and *serious* and basically put *all* their chips on their "influence" and "readership" and "intellectual product" (what?) like they're going to CHANGE THE FACE OF, UM, TEXT WRITTEN ABOUT THE SPORT OF WRESTLING AND, IN PARTICULAR, THAT WHICH IS PART OF THE BUSINESS OF PROFESSIONAL WRESTLING WITH THE INTENT OF BEING PUBLISHED VIA THE INTERNET, HEY IT'S A BIG DEAL, NO REALLY IT IS, HONEST it's just embarrassing, you know? Not to mention just unattractively egotistical, wanky, bullshitty, and dead dull. Um, yeah! What were we talking about again? ;) - Kim, who later said this didn't really apply to me - yet
QUICK QUOTE: SPLN 29 15/16 (+4 9/16) - Woo hoo! The rebound continues! Sort of...
It was announced over the weekend on Worldwide (did I say it aired on KICU? Of COURSE I meant KHBK), two days before Halloween Havoc, WCW invades the Bay Area 22.10.99 with card at the NAC - the Oakland Colesium. Your main event, in a Steel Cage Match - Ric Flair & Bret Hart team up to take on Lex Luger & Sting. (Where does this leave Hogan, you ask? Well, stay tuned...) Sid Vicious meets Goldberg - but is the title on the line? Vicious was ... I would say "engimatic" in his local interview. There's going to be a tag team title match - Harlem Heat face the reunited (and it feels so good - except for the viewers) Steiner Brothers. Once again, we get Berlyn v. Buff Bagwell. And finally, a cruiserweight championship match as Lenny takes on Kidman - but he'll have Lodi in his corner and blow pops will be consumed. Is that enough of a hype job for you? Let's face it - for WCW, this is not a bad card at all. Of course, "Card Subject to Change" is in full effect and it sure was back in August. We'll see what happens in the coming weeks...
We cast a wayward gaze out the door where a limo arrives - it's the
TV-PG-DLV ratings box! No, it's Hulk Hogan, who's mobbed by children (ugh)
- as he stops to sign an autograph for a chubby cherub (plant, plant -
closed caption logo), what should happen but Sting come up from behind and
WHACK him in the back of the knee with a mighty boot! It's funny hearing
him do his little kid voice "Hey Hulkster, can I have your autograph too?
Say my prayers take my vitamins red and yella, huh?" I'm sorry, but I'm
cheering for Sting like a madman here. Too bad it's a little too much like
that one Clash of the Champions - you remember that one, right? The whole
Gillooly ripoff show? Yeah, that one.
WCW logo shines bright
Opening credits burn bright
Last Week: "Goldberg's Challenge..." - "Sid's Conditions" - "Hogan, Hart & Flair Share Common Bond" - I missed the one that said "Benoit Screwed Again," but I guess since they have that EVERY week, there's no need for an actual GRAPHIC stating such...
FIREWORKS! BY GOD WE ARE LIVE from the Brand-SPANKING new Philips Arena in Hotlanta, GA 27.9.99 and ONLY ON TNT!
Your hosts are TONY SCHIAVONE and BOBBY HEENAN. Look! A Surge T-shirt! Also a 99-X shirt - I am proud to say I own one of those despite living on the wrong coast for it. Tonight, Benoit vs. the Cat in the first hour! Goldberg in the first hour! And, lest we forget, a big six man main event. I'll avoid turning to USA in the first hour! But as soon as "Walker" is done...well...we shall see. Tonight, mask vs. hair! Heenan displays a picture of Kidman with no hair (which looks like it took about five minutes with Photoshop - which automatically makes it higher quality than you'd find in WOW Magazine...whoops, did I say that or think it?)
Mike Tenay has caught up to Hogan backstage - how is he? "Not now, Mike, I'm going in brother." Hogan refuses help from the EMT and limps away. MY HERO!
Backstage, here's a look at Sting watching the proceedings on a monitor - "well it looks like I didn't get the job done." Then he ominously raps his bat against the table again...
CHRIS BENOIT v. THREE TIME WORLD KARATE CHAMPION AND THE GODFATHER OF SOUL THE CAT (with Sonny Onoo) for the World Television Championship - Heenan goes onto a tirade here: "I'm tired of people telling me me what I can say and what I can't say, and how Bobby 'the Brain' Heenan should and shouldn't be. I don't care about you or the Corporate people up there at WCW - you ever walked through the offices there? People sittin' there with receding hairlines, they've got thick glasses on, bow ties and suspenders. Looks like a bookworm convention. No one's ever gonna tell me what to do anymore, Schiavone - the Brain's back...you usually say 'Don't say that - why would you do that? Why do you say that?' Because I can and I will." Is this...a new capital "a" Attitude? Or a desperate attempt to placate us smart folk? Cat is wearing a lovely leopard ensemble with matching Kango and ascot. Cat demands a title shot, despite the fact that Tony already told us Benoit is taking him on tonight - see, now that's just bad planning! Benoit's a three time champion in his own right - three time TV champion, you know. Didn't you know? Cat tries to attack before the bell but Benoit ducks it. Cat quickly outside to avoid a whuppin'. Chase is on - we're both back in. As part of Heenan's rediscovery of his heel roots, he now no longer likes Benoit. Cat begging off and now offering the Hand of Friendship. Benoit wisely stomps him. Cat slumped in the corner following the whip - but that WAS a suckering-in and Cat drops him on the turnbuckle. Nice kick from the laying position to Benoit's head. Cat up - off the ropes - Benoit tries to reverse, but Cat ducks and hits a savat kick. Blatant choke. Benoit wants to take on Rick Steiner again. Head to the buckle, Cat stands on the neck. Beal out of the corner. Cat poses. "I want the belt" motion from the Cat. Knee on the throat for 4. Into the ropes, head down, Sunset flip attempt - no, double pelvic thrust and punch to the head. But he was too busy showing off - Sunset flip COMPLETED for 2. Superkick from Cat to take us back to square one. Benoit with the elbow, Benoit to the gut, now with rights, face rake from Cat, and the pummeling is on. Cat showing his karate skills - now a bodyslam. Time now for the breakdance flourish elbowdrop. That cover's arrogant - you only get 2. Cat throws Benoit through the ropes, where Onoo gets some (alleged) kicks in behind the back of referee "Blind" Mickey J.
Cat outside -
but the whip into the barricade is reversed and hard. Cat slow to get up -
but he's got a water bottle! That water REALLY STINGS!! Back in the ring,
blatant choke by the Cat. Now to the chinlock, complete with Devious
Leverage from the bottom rope - and Onoo. Benoit manages to get up -
elbowing out, knife-edge chop, but Cat back to the eyes. Scoop - and a
slam. Another breakdancing elbowdrop. Whip into the opposite corner -
Benoit hits sternium first, but ducks the kick and hits a lariat. Thumb
crosses throat - but Onoo is in. Cat has the shoe - but hits Onoo, natch.
German suplex! Swandive headbutt! Crippler crossface! Will he give up?
Well it takes a bit, but yes. (6:14)
When graphics collide - Luger & Sting & DDP take on Hart & Hogan & Flair!
Promotional consideration paid for by Slim Jim, Talking Nitro Arena, Tootsie Caramel Apple Pops, America (ha!) Online, Motel 6 7/8, and Tootsie Rolls'n'pops. I am OFFENDED that they DARE to suggest you play with the Talking Nitro Arena by hainvg STING LOWERED FROM THE RAFTERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!(!!!!!!!!!!!)!!!!! What kind of PEOPLE bring up HEINOUS ACTIONS like THAT?!?!? Are they even THINKING? GOOD GOD ALMIGHTY - SWEET MERCIFUL - okay, that was fun. All those people that swore me off after SmackDown! and are reading this now, you get what you deserve for not following through on your promise. By the way, this is a Savage-free Slim Jim spot - make of that what you will
BWP buys a local spot to hyper their card! "Borman's Wrestling Planet?" BWP and the American Wrestling Federation bring you Halloween Horror '99 Friday 15 October at the San Jose Civic Auditorium! The AWF title is on the line as the Equalizer takes on Shane 54! The first BWP Championship will be decided as Kid Fury takes on Freddie Valentine! And DOINK THE CLOWN TAKES ON HONKY TONK MAN in a match so, so worthy of capital letters! It's 15 October in and I think I'll take a pass on it even though I encourage everyone to support their local indy. C'mon, $10/13/15 - can you go wrong at those prices? Doors open 1830, bell time 1930.
WCW Monday Nitro is brought to you by Castrol Motor Oily! Drive Hard!
At Halloween Havoc, Goldberg takes on Sid Vicious in a United States title match - ONLY ON PPV! And possibly in Oakland
Here's a Special Video Look at Sid complete with "Cherry 7-Up" style 80's colouring.
VAMPIRO (by his own damn self) v. BUFF IS THE ... - when nobody mentions ICP, that's how you know they're REALLY gone - just like they never brought up Raven's name again, either. Buff's shaved off his mustachio but not the rest of his goatee, which looks - quite odd. Vampiro endures Bagwell's incessant posing and crowd sucking up, then says some stuff that gets muted. Nice kick to deomlish Bagwell. Stands him up in the corner, right, kick, kick, kick, kick, right, headbutt, who's that ref? Vampirio trash talking - into the corner - off the ropes with a bulldog as he comes out - Vampiro to the top - spinning leg lariat for 1 and a bit. Overhand right. Whip is reversed - Bagwell to the corner - monkey flips him out - both men duck a move and Bagwell takes him over with a clothesline. But Vampiro hits a nice uppercut. There's a "short powerbomb" from Bagwell. Vampiro to the outside - Bagwell following - throwing him back in. Off the ropes, baaack body drop from Bagwell. Bagwell stomps away and Vampiro rolls out again - then grabs the feet to pull him out. There's a shot. He's going for the STEEL steps now - Bagwell's head meets 'em. Vampiro with a roll of tape around his fist - loaded right. Picks him up - and throats him on the barricade. You think Bagwell's being punished? Well, in terms of the storyline, he sure is. In the ring and in a headlock. Crowd still cheering on Bagwell. Heenan says Hogan's on the phone with his mommy crying his eyes out.
Arm falls twice but not thrice. Bagwell makes
it back up - elbows up. Right hand. Now they're trading rights. Headbutt
from Vampiro - scoop - falcon arrow. To the top rope - flying clothesline!
1, 2, no. Vampiro going to the top again - that's one too many times as
the legdrop misses. Atomic drop from Bagwell. Inverted atomic drop. Or
is that the other way round? Crossbody block. Vampiro comes back with an
enziguiri. Vampiro sitting him on the top turnbuckle - superplex attempt
but Bagwell holds on - front suplex to shake him off. Buff Blockbuster.
This just in: I hate Buff Bagwell. 1, 2, 3. (5:40)
The Dynamic Duo portend bad things for Goldberg tonight with Sid on his way to the arena. Goldberg still to come in the first hour! Suddenly, an eerie voice calls Tony's name. "Tony - Tony...Tony wait, WCW - this is the beginning of the darkness that will fall upon you." We see - a window looking out on the clouds - surrounded by darkness. Good God, was that the heady whisper of OLE ANDERSON? (And believe you me, that is JUST the type of rhetorical question that could get Keith a severe case of the shuddering chills...)
Following the ad break, we enter a mortuary - and fly, dream style, through the room - MR LEX LUGER is on the sign. Here's a look at a coffin - this is Luger's funeral? The ghost of Luger rises up out of his body as a lone figure in black places a boquet, places a final buss on the cheek, and places the lid of the coffin - shut. The ghost of Luger narrates. "Here lies Lex Luger - a fine man, a great champion...but is no longer with us." ...this must be the followup to that press conference we've all been waiting for! Who is the mysterious figure in black? Why is Luger dead? What the heck is up? Here's a shot of the gravesite - the coffin lowered. The figure in black walks to the edge of the grave. The ghost appears. The words are repeated in various speeds and echos - a bouquet is thrown on the coffin - I'm just wondering how much this cost.
Coming back live, ominous music plays as the FIGURE IN BLACK unhoods - well, of COURSE it is LIZ - but she seems... different... somehow. Older. Suddenly, I'm completely distracted by a dress. Tonight, we are told that we no longer use the name "Lex Luger" - we may only refer to him as "The Total Package." Except me - I'll always give him first notice as THE NARCISSIST. He's kneeling in the centre of the ring, bathed in spotlights - and working an old WBF pose. Does his left bicep looks smaller than his right? That really hurts his symmetry! In fairness, I will note that he has more muscle than I have body weight, so... Well anyway. This is "the rebirth -" which apparently involves an awful lot of posing. Tony: "Wow, what a moment." There's the SLOWEST slo-mo "Lion Roaring" pose e'er you seene. There's some flashpots for good measure. Between that last segment's close, and this segment...I'm not exactly worried about WCW coming all the way back in one week. You think they're on the right track, and then...well, this was just baffling. Maybe YOU dug it? I...well, I'm still confused, actually. I wonder what Galatea makes of this. I hope she said "Ewww, gross!"
Promotional - Electronic Thumb Wrestling (because REGULAR thumb wrestling is just BORING!), Tootsie Rolls'n'Pops (2), Moen faucets, Toaster Breaks Pizza from Hot Pockets, the tangy ZZZZZZZIP of Miracle Whip (preferred by ancient warlords across the span of time), and Tootsie Caramel Apple Pops (2).
WCW - one step forward, two steps back. Is it like a LAW that they have to have a good-to-great first half hour and then blow chunks in time to turn us back to RAW? Still, that coffin thing was just so MORBID that you have to give them props for not caring...
Hogan chats with...some guy in a jacket and tie - if he's a trainer, he's dressed pretty nicely. Anyway, before he can "cut my jeans off so I can get ready," Sting appears *again* and whacks him one more time. Sting's pretty fuckin' cool right about now. I guess all the security is guarding Goldberg or something?
Closed captioning where available brought to you by WCW
RAYMOND STEREO (with those three other Filthy Animals) v. DEAN MALENKO (with those three other unpushed midcarders - just kidding) - All eight men look ready to go and Eddie and Saturn are the men toughest to separate. Douglas tells Malenko they've got his back, with a sly grin - Malenko, who is an idiot, tells Douglas he doesn't need that kind of help. THEN Malenko sends the other three Revolution members out and offers the hand. Mysterio, proving he can be just as dumb, sends HIS men back. Hmmm. Why is Rey chewing gum? And hey, why's he blonde? Lockup, side headlock, chain wrestling, drop toe hold, floatover, countered into a hammerlock, back up, off the ropes, knocks him down, cover, rolls him offlegsweep, cover, throws him off, jumps over the sweep, back and forth, counter, counter, up and down, duck, armdrag, armdrag from the other, standoff. Damn that's fast. Does it matter who did what? You stopped reading ten moves ago. Knucklelock, gutshot from Dean, head to the buckle, whip is reversed, up and over - forearm from Mysterio - he's on the kittycornered apron - both men on the second rope. Both men land a right and both men tumble to the floor. Rey is less hurt from the big wad of gum that's cushioned the blow. Both men back in after a brief rest. Dean tries a powerbomb - Rey rolls through and down into a sunset flip - Dean flips over and presses the shoulders to the mat for a near fall. Off the ropes, hiptoss attempt is countered, flips him over, Rey holds on to the waistlock, back elbows miss, Rey upends him, leaps over and bridges back for 2.. I'm not doing this justice. Off the ropes, reversal, Dean picks him up and drops him on his feet on the apron. Rey with forearms. Springboard - Dean catches him with a powerbomb for 2! Off the ropes, elbow from Rey coming off. Spinning - countered into a backbreaker by Malenko for 2. Both men slow to get up - pick up - Rey slides down - Malenko breakst he pin attempt and there's the Tejas cloverleaf! Of course, this match is too exciting, so we go to a split-screen backstage to see Sid Vicious and Rick Steiner driving their *Volvo* into the building. Meanwhile, Mysterio makes it to the ropes. Coming out of the corner - reverse, Dean throws him the other way instead. Rey puts up a foot - climbing onto his back - Malenko pancakes him down - Mysterio squirts out - La Magistral by Rey for the surprise three! (3:39) Wow, that should have gone ten more minutes at least. Reluctant handshake. I think the best part of all this was that Rey DIDN'T LOSE HIS GUM! We are reminded that they're just a bunch of Filthy Animals. Heenan calls him "Baggy Pants Jnr."
"We've got some exciting news for you wrestling fans!" No commercial break - we go straight to
HUGH MORRUS (with James Hart) v. COLD BEER - Hmmm, must be getting close to that hour. It was almost exactly two years ago that Morrus became victim number one - 'course he didn't have Jimmy Hart with him at the time... Dig it, that ZZ Top guy and that Lynyrd Skynyrd guy are chanting his name....chanting "cold beer...cold beer...cold beer....cold beer." I'm thirsty! Entrance lasts (2:42) and we're off. Lockup, knees to the midsection by Godldberg - off the ropes - dropkick! Forearm. Off the ropes, Morrus with a kick, Goldberg kicks back and Morrus flies through the ropes. Elbow to the head as he follows him outside. Morrus meets the STEEL steps. Back in now - They're trading blows - now it's Goldberg. Takeing him off the ropes - up on his shoulder. Drops him facefirst to the mat. Swipe at Hart. Back on Morrus, who manages to put him through the ropes, well, because SID VISCOUS is out with a chair - WHACK - you know, normally that one blow wouldn't hurt him. I'm a little surprised referee "Blind" Mickey J. isn't counting him out right now - well, no I'm not, this is *Goldberg*. Morrus goes out and tries to get on him. Back in the ring. Right hand, right, Goldberg shaking it off. Bodyslam from Morrus to put him down. Top-rope elbowdrop - right in the heart. But Morrus hit hard too - both men are down. Stomp from Morrus, kick in the ribs, kick, Goldberg punches back.
Stooges eyepoke from Morrus - wild swing
from Goldberg but he's blinded. Morrus manhandles him into the corner and
drives the shoulder into the gut. Snapmare, step on the face, 2 count. To
the headlock - don't know how good an idea THAT is...Goldberg elbows out.
Morrus buries a knee in the gut and continues with the forearm smashes in
the back. Scoop - and a slam. Time for No Laughing Matter. It HITS! 1,
2, kickout! That didn't work two years ago either - sigh. Out of the
corner - running lariat. Goldberg's had enough - he's fine now. There's a
spear. Jackhammer. 1, 2, 3. (6:04) He's got the
mic. "Well...I threw
the ball to you Sid - you tucked it away and you ran. So! I guess we got
more time to kill. So if you're man enough Sid, come down here - in my
hometown - and I have never EVER been so serious about kickin' one man's
ass in my life! So you remember that cliche...it ain't who's left, it's
In the back of the building, we see an ambulance, sirens blaring, take off...
THUNDER! ad - it's apparently delayed to 1905 (2205 on that other coast) Thursday - that'll cut into my SmackDown! watching, it will...are the Braves on or something?
Here's a look at several hopeful Nitro Grrrrrrrrrrl candidates from Cincinnati
TV-PG-DLV ratings box appears as GENE O. works tonight! He's joined by NITRO GRRLS KIMBERLY & STORM, who introduce the two Atlanta finalists. Here's CELENTRIA ADAMS, who is unfortunately muted so we don't catch her last name, a cheerleader and Miss USA hopeful. Here's JAMIE FLOWERS who will probably lose, which is a little sad, 'cause she's cute, but she can't really dance. Anyway, here they are in the flesh and anyway they never told us that Keisha won last week but I read it online. Jamie's teeth are kinda scary, actually, now that I see her again. Well, anyway. How about some wrestling? Remember wrestling?
OUTRAGEOUS EVAN KARAGIAS v. BYRLYN (mit seiner bodyguard, a spinning head on the big screen and a washed out television picture) - Let Us Take You Back to Last Week where Berlyn (and his bodyguard) pasted Scott Armstrong and got the duke. Save was made by brother Brad. Let's see DUSTY HILL and RICKEY MEDLOCKE again, why not.
Karagias leads the crowd in a "USA"
chant just for grins. A message is conveyed to ring announcer DAVID
PENZER: "Ladies and gentlemen, I have a message
from Berlyn - he demands
TOTAL SILENCE here tonight during his match." Now MY question is, if the
lad doesn't speak English, how'd he ...holy crap, Tony just said the EXACT
same thing! Cue Twilight Zone theme. Despite armdrag-o-rama from
Karagias, this is a squash and THIS MATCH IS THE PRETZELS! Schiavone
quickly turns his commentary to Hogan speculation. Same finish as before -
bodyguard gets in a punch, Hangmyn's neckbreakyr from Berlyn, pynfall.
puts him in the Cologne Clutch. BRAD
ARMSTRONG (don't call
him "B.A.") comes out to break it up, and a nice doubleteam ensues amongst
the bodyguard and Berlyn.
Goldberg kicks open the door to Sid's dressing room. "Where the hell's Sid?" "I don't know, man, he just told me to bring his car around, I don't know where he is." Goldberg nicks the keys and takes off. Hey, that's not very sportsmanlike of him to steal his Volvo!!
WCW Superstar Series: Flair, Hogan spot
Backstage, David Flair (who?) dials a number and plays Bob Newhart... "Is Torrie there? Do you have the number? Thank you." Shaking his head...and pondering.
HARLEM HEAT v. WINDHAM BROS. (with Curt Hennig & Vincenzo - err, "Curly Bill") for the tag team championship - Tony shills the WCW hotline during the champions' entrance. Stevie Ray is wearing a headband like he escaped from an episode of "Fame." Kendall and Booker T. start. Lockup, arm wringer, again, again, Kendall hits the rope. Start over. Lockup, side headlock, chain wrestling to a Booker T. side headlock - backdrop suplex from Windham - pounding on him. Off the ropes, elbow from Booker T., Harlem sidekick, armdrag, armdrag, dropkick, Kendall seeks higher ground outside. Back in following a breather - test of strength teased but Kendall puts a boot in the gut instead. Tag to Barry, but T catches him on the way in the drops him. Tag to Stevie Ray. Scoop - and a slam. Roundhouse kick
for 2. Ray punching away. Whip out of the corner,
charge misses, Barry kicks behind the knee and because we might be
interested in this match, it's time for an ad break.
Stinger Sprite ad is maybe the best ad featuring a wrestler this year. Well, Mankind and ravioli is better. Maybe Meng and Goldberg eating pizza. But DEFINITELY Top 3.
When we come back, Hennig is working over Booker T. on the outside, and throwing him back in to Kendall. Standing legdrop. 1, 2, no. Rear chinlock. T. elbowing out - off the ropes, flying jalapeno/crossbody block for 2 - Barry making the save. Kendall manages a tag - Barry in with a DDT. 1, 2 - Stevie Ray in and Barry lets up. Stomping away as referee "Blind" Nick Patrick gets Ray back in his corner. Thrown through the ropes to the outside - Curly Bill drops a fist and Hennig stomps away. Stevie Ray over to help his brother but Nick Patrick has to go outside to take him back to the corner. Everybody back in - 2 count. Tag to Barry. Punching him. Headlock - tag to Stevie Ray, but Patrick was watching Curly Bill on the outside. It's totally broken down now as Ray cleans house while Hennig works over T. on the outside. Patrick giving Kendall a stern talking-to - Ray is bringing in a belt. Whack! to the back of the knee - and now to the front. And again. Patrick is STILL missing all of this. Cover by Booker T. - Patrick counts the pinfall. (9:23) Blatant cheating? Yeah, but Harlem Heat is still pretty cool.
Backstage, we check that the yellow pages are opened to "Towing" - it's Goldberg's turn to play Bob Newhart. "Yeah - yeah - Philips Arena - ASAP - thank you." He hangs up the phone - and smiles...in the third hour, he'll cancel Sid's plane tickets! Rick Rude was RIGHT ALL ALONG!!
Tix on sale Friday for Phoenix for Nitro, San Bernardino, Minneapolis for Nitro, and Saturday for Halloween Havoc! (That's not much time to sell those tickets, is it?)
Jimmy Barron, although actually IN Atlanta, is still too cheap to not do the Road Report without calling collect. Thursday must be THUNDER! in Chattanooga at the UTC Arena - Tennessee is undoubtedly one of the FINEST states in the nation!
The power of the card - the new-look WCW MasterCard - is a power which transforms a hated heel into a competent spokesperson.
RICK WOOF WOOF v. FAR OUT VAN HAMMER - "I am the DFG. I am the nightmare you can't wake up from [you ain't kiddin' boyo] - because I am the man. Now there's a young punk in the back that wants a match with Sid Vicious. Well Vicious has got better things to do, Hammer. But if you want some, come get some. You don't like me? Bite me!" Hammer asked for a US Title shot last week on THUNDER! but I guess this is JUST as good in his mind. Umm, because Rick's belt...Rick...because....hell if *I* know.
After a lengthy
staredown and feeling out process, we lock up. To the corner, no clean
break - referee "Blind" Charles Robinson (why's he reffing with that Sid
connection again?) tries to get between them and Rick pastes him with an
illegal punch that Robinson misses. There's another punch, and there's a
knee. Rake of the face. Right. Hammer manages to pull Steiner through
the ropes. Commentators (wisely?) avoid the match. Steiner and Hammer
continuing to brawl on the outside - Robinson has the slowest 10-count in
history, apparently as these guys have been outside for approximately half
an hour without being counted out. Back in the ring (finally!) - headlock,
got him in the mount and rubbing his face in the mat. There's a forearm to
the back of the head. And there's another one. Steiner opening up a few
orifices in Hammer's face. German release suplex. 1, 2, no. Off the
ropes, duck, flying shoulderblock from Hammer. DDT from Hammer. There's a
spinebuster. Robinson wrapping up Hammer - Steiner punches. Kick to the
... man ensemble by Steiner. Top rope bulldog. It's academic, but
Robinson goes ahead and fast counts it so we can be sure of what's going
Let Us Take You Back Two Weeks and show you what happened to Hart's Face when Luger swung like Mighty Casey - we have not seen him since. But he'll be in the big six-man tonight! Yup!
GENE O. welcomes BRET CLARKE to the ring. His face looks okay - why, almost like the shot with the bat was all a work! How sneaky! Remember when Hart wanted a match with Hogan? That was only three weeks ago, wasn't it? "I took a couple of stitches, but I can say one thing - Lex Luger, it's gonna take a hell of a lot more than that to stop me. You know it was a couple of months ago that I talked about quitting once and walking away from wrestling once and for all, and you know what? No one is more happier than I am that I'm back...we're not talking about just battles and matches and history here, we're talking about respect. Lex Luger and Sting, two guys that I used to have a lot of respect for - I don't have any respect for 'em at all anymore. They are nothing but the lowest of the low and scum of the earth - and when you get around scum like that, you gotta surround yourself with people that have class, that have dignity, that have newfound respect. You talk about history? I'll tell you about the history of wrestling Hulk Hogan - he's like the Elvis Presley of wrestling - nobody, nobody will ever be like Hulk Hogan, and I am glad that he's my partner. They may have knocked him out, but trust me when I tell ya that he'll be back. And when I talk about respect...there is one guy...there is one man...that I have more respect for than anybody in this business. If you remember when I came into the WCW, I had one of the greatest matches of my career with Ric Flair, and I said it then, and I'll say it again right now...that this man right here is the best there is, the best there was, and the best there ever will be, and it's an absolute HONOUR that I'm his partner tonight, and three against two - I'll take those odds." Meanwhile, THE MAN has walked out and joined Hart while he's been speaking. "Let's get something straight, my friend. Let's let Atlanta know tonight, that no matter what has happened in your lifetime, mine, or Hogan's, tonight we walk the aisle and tonight we kick Sting, Luger, and Page's ASS. Woooo! The Hitman - Hogan - you're downtown right now but Ric Flair and the Hitman, side by side, will make history tonight - hell, we have filled this building Dr. Philips - we are in Atlanta, Georgia, we are wrestling - and tonight - [Hulking up] - Luger - Luger - [drops an elbow] - Page - [off the ropes, kneedrop] - Sting - [Golota, stomp] - Woooo! Woooo! And Liz, you wanna get int the ring, I'll ride you too baby! Woooo!" Then he hugs Hart, who looked thrilled about that Liz comment. "This one's for Hogan. Sting, Luger, Dallas Page - bring it on." Well I guess we finally found out who was in the ambulance.
The Dynamic Duo hypes the mask vs.
hair match - I guess we're not
going to ad break right - oh, no we are.
David Flair, backstage, talks to Torrie, who is enjoying a cup of ... something ... with the Filthy Animals. She tries to make excuses for why she didn't hook up with him. "I'm just not feeling very well, I'm still at the airport, I love you, you know I love you." "All right, I'll see you when you get here." and he hangs up. "He hung up on me!" "All right!" says Kidman. How those four guys can share one of her...I mean, what she can see in those four...I mean, why she's still with David after all this time, I'll never...wait, I mean...hey! It's Torrie - she's pretty hot.
WCW Onsale announcement #2
Sid catches up to the guy who was supposed to be minding his car - who reveals that Goldberg swiped the keys.
KONNAN (with TV-PG-DLV ratings box) v. PERRY SATURN - what the hell did Konnan just say? Oh, Konnan's back wrestling on my TV. Joy. A spot of chain wrestling to start - hoptoss by Konnan. Saturn with a fireman's carry takedown into an armnar. Everybody back up. Back and forth we go, Saturn with a knee and an elbow, Konnan with a bulldog. Dropkick to the legs by Konnan. Orale! Out of the corner, reverse, semi-superkick by Saturn. Konnan reverses the attempt, shoots him into the ropes - Saturn catches HIM and hits the head and T-bone suplex (or is it the head and arm suplex? I'm too lazy to rewind) - heavy into the armbar. Saturn lets up for no apparent reason. Belly-to-belly suplex. To the cross armbreaker. Code Red! Code Red! Konnan puts a foot on the bottom rope - Saturn holds it a bit extra long but breaks in time. Off the ropes, duck, double clothesline. Konnan covers - 1, 2, no - ad break!
When we come back, Konnan is draped on a top turnbuckle and Saturn is scaling for the superplex attempt - got him! There's a CHICKENWING!! Saturn's the MAN! Heart punch for good measure. Scoop - and a slam. Saturn climbing to the top - top-rope elbowdrop. You know, seeing that earlier from Morrus and now with Saturn, I have to wonder if Savage is gone for good now that they're not protecting his finishing move anymore. Just a little nugget for you to prove I occasionally put my brain in gear while watching this show. Konnan ducks under the charge following the whip into the opposite corner - drops him with a spinebuster, then flips over into a bridge - out at 2. Right hand. Saturn reverses and throws him over. 1, 2, no. Saturn looking around as if to say "Man, I HATE that I'm gonna lose here - while I'm standing around, all the people in the front row are making the DVD sign but I have to play dumb."
Konnan flips Saturn
over and down for 2. Off the ropes, tumblin' clothesline from Konnan for
2. Konnan takes him off the ropes, leapfrog, back kick, breakdance,
faceplant. Now - YOW! It's CHAVO
SILVER KING!!!! and they're all going to TOWN on
Referee "Blind" Billy Silverman somehow notices this and calls for the bell
(DQ 9:29) - I
have a new favourite group! The rest of the FILTHY ANIMALS
are out - and Saturn FLATTENS Eddie Guerrero as he comes in. Five on four
now - here's SHANE
DOUGLAS pulling Saturn out of the ring. The
MIDGETS join them as they yell at each other.
Saturn saying "This is MY
fight!" and Douglas saying "You NEEDED my help." "He needed my help! Just
like YOU needed my help! And you didn't take it!" Referring to Malenko's
loss. Saturn: "I didn't NEED your help!" The Revolution continues to
A Return World Title Match headlines Halloween Havoc - Sting - Hogan - 24 October! ONLY ON PAY-PER-VIEW!
We lead Sid outside the arena - where his car is still in it's parking space. Sid wonders aloud where his keys are at - then re-enters the building - just missing the tow truck pulling up...
Watch the Horror Unfold - the Horror of seeing Nash, Savage, George, and Finaly in an ad for a show you KNOW you won't see ANY of them on...
Let Us Take A Special Video Look at Page and Flair
Goldberg admires the Volvo on the tow truck. "Beautiful, okay man, you know what to do. Make sure you've got it here by 11 tonight." Umm, Goldberg isn't doing something ILLEGAL with that car, is he?
GENE O. welcomes DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE out. They do a little vaudeville routine and I'm reminded...eh-that vaudeville is dead.
Coming up - Sting & Luger & DDP vs. Hogan & Flair & Hart in a (5 man?) 6 man tag
TUGGLE, famous football player whose name I can't
spell - there's JOHN
POPPER who blows...on a harmonica in Blues
Let Us Take You Back to Last Monday, where Kidman tried to unmask Psychosis in a blatant disregard for his heritage. Later Chavo "translated" Psychosis' interview as a challenge to a mask vs. hair matchup...
PSYCHOSIS c. KIDMAN - mascara contra caballero - there's a barber and chair set up at the top of the entrance ramp - good of WCW to go ahead and spend a little money to try to preserve the mystery of this outcome - whoops, did I just give it away after all my attempts to swerve you last week? Ha! Psychosis runs at Kidman and connects with the knee. Pounding away. Through the ropes. To the barricade. That cameraman is making me dizzy. Back in the ring. Stomp, off the ropes, duck, Kidman manages a flying headscissors, dropkick. Kidman runs at Psychosis, but he ducks down and Kidman flies over the top rope to the floor. Split-legged moonsault from the apron to the floor! We look over the shoulder of the barber. Top rope - runs into a Kidman dropkick. Kdiman's going to remove the mask! Hey, that's wrong. CHAVO GUERRERO JNR is out to complain. JUVENTUD GUERRERA is also out. Psychosis spins him back around - gutshot, DDT! 1, 2, no! Psychosis and referee "Blind" Scott Dickenson discuss their lack of ability each has to understand the other. Into the corner, coming out, reversal, Psychosis hits sternum first, and backs out into a clothesline off the ropes for 2. Kidman takes him off the ropes, head down, Psychosis holds on, then dropkicks him in the ear. Psychosis puts him in the ropes - knife-edge chop. In the corner - now setting him up top - Psychosis stands on top. FRANKENSTEINER! 1, 2, no!! Psychosis plays to the crowd. Punching back, Psychosis beats him down, then throws him outside - where Chavo gets in some licks of his own. Psychosis places Kidman in an uncomfortable spot on the top rope, then climbs to the the top and hits a super spinning heel kick - but only gets 2! Psychosis again exchanges words with the ref. Kidman punching back - fast and furious now. Off the ropes, dropkick - finds only air as Psychosis again holds onto the ropes. Off the ropes, reversal, up and on his feet - Rydeen bomb from Kidman for 2. Into the ropes, reversed, Kidman slides under, but Psychosis dropkicks him in the knees as he stands up. Psychosis to the second rope - Kidman back up - they're fighting in the corner - Psychosis wins that exchange as Psychosis drops him face first between his legs as he sits out - BUT ONLY 2. Whip into the corner is reversed, powerslam from Kidman as he comes out. Kidman sets him up - but Guerrera pulls him outside. As Dickenson complains to Guerrera and Psychosis on the outside, Guerrero comes in, hits him from behind - and there's a textbook tornado DDT!!! Psychosis rolled in - 1, 2, no. Sigh. Up and over - Psychosis pushed into Chavo on the apron - rollup - 1, 2, KICKOUT!! Psychosis ducks a lariat - tries to pick him up, but Kidman flips over - Psychosis and Guerrero distract Dickenson while Guerrera comes in and hits the JUVI DRIVER! Psychosis covers - 1, 2, NO!!! Psychosis with "that'ssit." Picking him up - no no no no no NO no - YOU CAN'T POWERBOMB KIDMAN!! Shot for Chavo - shot for Juvi. Kidman quickly setting him up -
shooting star press coming up. 1, 2, 3.
Kidman removes the mask - but just as it almsot comes off,
Chavo and Juvi strike. Set up in the corner - Psychosis sets up for a big
avalanche - and misses - Kidman with a tornado bulldog - and he nabs the
mask on the way down! Psychosis covers his face as Guerrero and Guerrera
strike. Now the rest of the FILTHY
ANIMALS are out to make the save.
Psychosis puts his hair in front of his face to make sure we STILL haven't
seen it. The luchadores depart and the Animals celebrate in the middle of
Geez, did they HAVE to have Kidman kick out of two finishers in that last match, though? Still...wow. They should have made us PAY for that one.
Watch the Horror Unfold #2 - hey, whatever happened to the dude playing the piano, anyway?
NEXT: Those graphics - one more time. Will Hogan return from the hospital in the next ad break?
Backstage, we see Page, Luger, Liz, and Sting - and they are WALKING! They seem confused as Page reminds them that the red light means the camera is still on.
In another part of backstage, there's Ric Flair! He too is WALKING! Apparently, Hart is somewhere else so they can't walk together. Well, let's hope they find each other before the end of the ad break!
MICHAEL BUFFER wouldn't *dream* of being anywhere else - as long as they're still paying him...the "heels" come out to some unfamiliar music but I bet it's on that WCW CD Coming Soon To A Store Near You (please don't email me and tell me what it is, I'm begging you, just let me remain ignorant). Buffer forgets to say "of Doom" after "Torture Rack," greatly disappointing me. The "faces" come out to "Thus Spake Zarathustra" and with only three minutes to the hour...I don't know about you, but I can SMELL the screwjob! And tonight's show has really been quite good, it'd be a shame to put a nugget on top instead of a cherry...
THE MAN & BRET CLARKE v. (THIS IS) STING & THE NARCISSIST & DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE (with Liz) in a Handicap Match - Sting and Flair start. Lockup, side headlock from Flair, powers out, shoulderblock from Sting. Off the ropes, military press and slam from Sting. Into the corner - Stinger Splash - no! Knife-edge chop - chop - Sting calls to the crowd. Flair to the lower abs to silence him. Flair asks referee "Blind" Billy Silverman to check the corner - and Golotas Sting once the back is turned. Sting manages to go to the eyes to make it to his corner. Take a drink every time they say "Luger" by mistake! Big clothesline from the Total Package. Big whip, Flair holds on and tags Hart. Hart in and Luger begging off. "Iblockyourpunchyoudon'tblockmine," right, right, right, atomic drop, clothesline, headbutt to the lower abs between the legs. Off the ropes, gutshot, side Russian legsweep, second rope elbowdrop, can't put that on with Page able to come in and break the hold!
Flair comes out to chase
Page away, leaving Hart and Package in the ring. Tag to Page - clothesline
to Hart. Stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, shot for Flair, tag to Sting. Sting
with an atomic drop. Off the ropes, knocks him down (I guess - I didn't
see contact there.) Sting goes to the face, again, kick to the gut. Tag
to the Package, who throats him on the top rope. Luger stomping
repeatedly. Page gets in a choke on the outside while Silverman is busy
restraining Flair. Somehow Hart kicks back, punch, Luger back to the fact,
now stomping with authority. I mean Package. Hart pulls out an inside
cradle for 2. Package back on him. Tag to Sting. Luger punching away,
Sting with a standing dropkick - wow. Flair pulls Sting's hair and while
they try to break that up, Page and Package doublestomp on Hart. Flair's a
wildman, coming in - and going down at the hands of stone - err, Sting.
Back to normal, into the ropes, duck, double clothesline hits and both men
are down. Fans are ... not very loud for this match. Hot tag to Flair!
Those chops are like a SACK OF BRICKS! ALL THREE MEN GO DOWN! Chop!
Sting thrown outside the ring. Flair follows! Head to the barricade!
Sting thrown back in - belly-to-back suplex. Figure four time? Hart takes
Package and Page to the outside. Meanwhile, Flair hits one more knife-edge
backhand chop. Now the figure four is on. Miss Elizabeth has a black
baseball bat, and it's handed to Luger. Choking him with the bat! Hart
bleeds from the mouth as if to suggest the smack from two weeks ago was
opened back up - wow, continuity! With Hart choked out, Package is able to
get in the ring - and drive the point of the bat into Flair's heart.
Silverman calls for the bell (DQ Boeing
7:47) but the damage is done.
DAVID SAMMARTINO - ERR,
FLAIR is out and on Page - but he's no match for
Page and Package. Outside the building, we see the ambulance, but it is
bare. Why, that can only mean...DIAMOND CUTTER ON DAVID FLAIR! BIG
TORTURE RACK ON RIC FLAIR! Everybody's left laying. Sting measuring Hart
for a gutshot with the bat. My hero! YOU KNOW WHO is gimping to the ring
- and Tony says it best with "What courage! What determination!" In the
ring now - spins him around - successive rights as Page, Packcage and Luger
attempt the "black ninja" technique (attacking one at a time), which never
works. "Hogan is Batman tonight - not Sting!" Hogan, Flair and Hart get
chummy in the ring while the bad guys slink off. Boy, they had me until
Whoops, Sid is out. "Oh my (mute!) What happened to my car?! Goldberg! Where are you?! Goldberg! Goldberg! Goldberg!" Yes, friends, Goldberg told the tow trucks driver to take the car...and...CRUSH (Crush!) CRUSH 'EM (Crush 'em!) - we're out at 2308.
This WCW here, they have some potential.