/22 November 1999
QUOTE OF THE
I'm guessing that the Cat Ernest Miller and Booker
T in a Watermelon On A Pole Match can't be far behind if this racist
horseshit is being put forth by these shitheads at WCW. I guess Turner
doesn't give a shit unless someone is beating up a woman or if someone is
ambiguously gay. Fucking Pathetic. - Dean Rasmussen (the Dean of
Tilde-Bang Internet Commentary), 17.11.99
I GET LETTERS: I've been reading your recaps for quite some time now, I guess I can be referred to as a lurker, or some other lame internet term for a guy who reads this stuff without interacting with the author. But I have to tell you, your Monday Nitro Rant was as good as it gets. I wasn't able to catch any of the show, and I was considering doing one of my standard "frequent flips" between Raw (which I thought was only "OK") and Nitro. But after reading your recap, it sounds like I saved myself some aggravation. Bottom line, great job. - Roger from Chicago
Please stop doing the nitro report if you do not enjoy watching WCW. I try to read a report on what happened Monday Night and I get an idiots ramblings about how stupid WCW is. If you don't like watching WCW Monday Nitro then have someone else do it. - Mike Joyce
Even though the other guys on this site are too scared to agree with you, I personally think that you just did the best Nitro report in history. You said all the right things. It's nice to see that there is still someone in this world with good taste. - Eric in Texas
i only have two words for you, you wwf kiss ass. FUCK OFF. I will not say anything else because it will be a waste off my time. - hidaway8
Your a wwf mark.It so obvious.I aint coming to wresteline anymore because your biased.Why visit a biased site.Your such a wwf mark.Raw was great so was survivor seris.Give me a fucking break.Nitro sucked.AHHAHa. THats why nitro got good reviews and thats why raw was crap everywhere on every site but yours.Rumor has it your 12.Bossman theirs a top star.Your on all the boards check out mark madden.com for starters.Your getting blasted.Nobody likes you, I honhestly dont think any biased person should do recaps.Its pathetic i have to call someone at wrestle line a mark.Raw is usually good but this one time you had to be a compulsive lier to like raw.People like you really piss fans off.Wellkeep kisssing ass being a dumb ass mark, i might forgive you if you turn out to be 11 which i really think you are. - Name (apparently) Withheld (or maybe he just forgot - "Spelling is HARD!")
Yo, your Nitro report was so on target it is not even funny. Tony Shavonie does suck ass and making fun of JR is so uncool its not even funny. Those who bitched at wrestline.com can kiss my ass, I think what you said was true. Keep up the good work... - Gaughan
Why? Why even WATCH Nitro if it's gonna bother you this much? Man, I would really like to have your current gig, but you make it sound like it's something you'd rather not do, so why even do it? I'm not saying you need to be a shill for anybody, but Jeesuss, Man, at least be a wrestling fan every once in a while. Take care, maybe get some help - Lynn Elliott, Jr.
Count me as one of the silent millions who read the re-caps faithfully every week but never felt moved enough to write. Count me as one of the many of who laughed his ass off at the Nitro re-cap, because it was funny (if you wanted results from Nitro, God be with you) And for those who call you a "WWF mark," may I humbly sggest running the Raw re-cap where Dennis Knight got changed/turned/transmogrified/a bath/whatever into Midieon? As I recall, you went pretty nuclear there too--and with good reason. It's not the company, you object to--it's the content. Keep writing--I'll keep reading/ Hell, it's either that or work. - Lewis Smith
Did he say what I THINK he just said?
You are so right. I have watched Nitro from the start. After Monday's show, I will no longer watch it or Thunder. As much as I dislike "good ole" JR, the impersonation was totally in poor taste. Thanks for telling it like it is. And tell Schiavone you're not the only one who thinks he sucks - George Skuse
Hey, why not tell him yourself? His email address is.........available in the closer of Hyatte's Nitro report, on some other site. (wink wink)
(Does this mean Tony and/or Hyatte now owe me one?)
Hmm, if he is...his lawyers haven't found me yet!
Boy, what I wouldn't give to be 12 again - NO! Make that 11!!
Now, considering that I got my biggest tally of email in quite some time last week (and a good, much larger sampling is hidden somewhere on CRZ.net if you get bored), one MIGHT think I might deliberately try once again to provoke you, because it seems to sell so well and get me OODLES of attention, both here and on famous boards like "mark madden.com". HOWEVER, since I'm not REALLY that kind of writer, preferring to set aside "getting myself over" in favour of presenting Stuff That Appeared On My Television (Along With Random Assorted Reactions I Had As I Watched It) I'm going to calmly start off this week as if everything was reset to norms. If I get pissed off again, I'll let it be for something BRAND NEW. Play along at home - try to see what makes me snap! (Hint: Burying quality luchadors will probably be involved)
By the way, if you DO talk about me on some message board like that Canadian guy did, by all means, please follow his lead and feel free to send me some a pointer or some hyperlinks so *I* can read it, too. I love it when people talk about me. I LIVE for it. PLEASE talk about MEEEEEE...
Oh wait, I just said up there that I.....aw hell, contradicted myself already. Why can't they get a REAL recapper over here? What's Galatea been doing lately (besides ol' what's-his-name - OUCH! Chris, you so CRAZY)?
Oh, hey, I just got one more letter that's good enough to include - from Geoff Smith: I give you some credit, you admitted that what bugged you about last Monday was the fact that all the fun was had at the hands of the luchadores. And I can understand that, but see, those poor luchadores were out of their element. They come from the world of contrived spots and gymnastics. They were against the DR. DEATH STEVE WILLIAMS, he, comes from the world of ALL JAPAN PRO WRESTLING. Sure Juvi can do a 450 splash, and that's all good. But do you think he'd let his little lip get split open from one of Misawa's ROLLING ELBOWS?! And anyone who thinks its roaring (see all your ECW columnists) just don't know man, they just don't know. They shoulda known that when Dr. Death walks in the ring, they're gonna get hurt. But its ok, because Dr. Death doesn't mind getting hurt himself. I think it's time to move away from spot fests that so many people mark out for. Matt and Jeff Hardy can fly, but so can the friggin trapeze artists at the circus. This is wrestling, its time to bring back the strong style. There's nothing wrong with going airborne, just as long as you can throw your opponent across the ring with a suplex afterwards. This is what makes wrestlers like Benoit and all of the New Japan Jr Heavyweights so fun to watch. They combine their speed and agility along with power to make a really believable combination. Blitzkrieg of former WCW fame was nothing. He was no wrestler, his moves had no impact what so ever. Anyway my point is, I bet Chris Jericho, THE GIANT Paul Wight, and even SYXX-PAC are wishing wishing wishing they were back home in the great city of Atlanta, Georgia.
I like to read your stuff, but man, I don't think we just see eye to eye about things.
You know, now that he explains it to me....
Mayhem would have been great except somebody had the brilliant idea to insert a giant clusterfuck in the main event when it was TOTALLY unnecessary. You get the feeling that Hart and Benoit couldn't be trusted to use WRESTLING to tell a story, despite the fact that they had a half hour mere WEEKS ago and did just fine. Here's the secret, come close and I'll whyspyr it to you: "If the wrestling were to ever get over, the scriptwriters would find themselves in a company that doesn't need scriptwriters."
QUICK QUOTES: TWX 62 1/4 (- 8 11/16), SPLN 46 (+ 3 11/16)
Oh yeah...thanks to Ben Miller and Vince Russo for the inspiration.
WCW logo - Now with extra Russo!
Jeff Jarrett is WALKING! And talking to.....the TV-14-DLS ratings box! "It's my time - I'M the chosen one! It's time to take matters into my own hands..." Wait, did he say "my time?" MAH TAHM!!! MAH TAHM!!! MAH TAHHHHHHHHHHM!
You've got to understand that there are 16 segments to fill on Nitro. Jeff Jarrett isn't in 16 segments. He's in one out of 16, and so is everybody else. - Vince Russo
Rather longish black there - but we'll let it slide
Opening credits - notice how when that last "W" slides into place, it's been zoomed in so you can't see any dancers - 'cause, see, JAZZ was down there... oh and we're closed captioned tonight
WE ARE LIVE WITH PYRO from the Palace of Auburn Hills, MI - don't call it Detroit 'cause it AIN'T - Derrick May still rules it, though - so does Juan Atkins
Your new Champeen BRET CLARKE immediately walks out to kick off things. Still shots from last night's Mayhem PPV detail Hart's victories over Sting and Benoit to win the WCW World Heavyweight Championship - his sixth world title and first in WCW. Nice to see they had a nameplate ready for the big gold belt. "It's been a long two years...you know, I found myself not too long ago talking to myself, and sayin' I wasn't even sure if I wanted to come back, talkin' about quittin' and goin' home - well I just wanna say, I am gonna be the best World Champion the WCW has ever had...you know I've had my ups and downs this past year. But I wanna thank all my fans that backed me up and supported me. I wanna dedicate my World Title victory last night to my 84-year-old father at home that watched that match - this is for you. And since I'm in the WCW, I'm gonna do things right for a change. A few weeks ago in Phoenix, a guy that I've never beat, a guy that's the toughest guy in the WCW, a guy that was screwed in the first round - Bill Goldberg, I'm not gonna hide behind any title - I got infinite respect for you. You got cheated, you got screwed, and I'm man enough to come to you right now and say - if you want a shot at the WCW World title [crowd cheers] - I'd be honoured - I'd be honoured to see you in Starrcade [crowd boos - ha!] and settle things with you...once and for all--" A familiar howl leads in to "Theme from Wolfpac" and out come the OUTSIDERS. Both guys don't look all there...but that's par for the course, ain't it? It takes Hall a few false starts before he can get out "Hey yo. Hey uh, hey uh, Canadian hero. Hey uh, hey Hitman. I heard ya talkin' about you wanna be the best Champ there ever was 'cause you stand for DIGNITY and HONESTY and DOIN' THINGS THE RIGHT WAY! And, and I just want you to know that - me and Kev - don't care. If you want - hey! You look at me, you punk! You wanna get to the top around here, take a couple lessons from the cats who took this place from the outhouse to the penthouse." Nash with one of his smarmy faces. Ugh. "Hey, hey champ - we do whatever we want, whenever we want, to...whoever we want." "And if I may chime in there, Hitman, just because you go out and get an iron-on that says you're the best, don't make you the best." "Hohohoho! You didn't say that, didja?" "That's the case the I guess I'm Joe Boxer tonight, right?" "That makes me the Landing Strip." "Not to be redundant, but as my partner said, we do whatever we want, to whoever we want-- we run the show around here - nobody else - and you know what? Tonight to make, 'cause I'm in Detroit, a little something for you...why don't you get your little buddy Goldberg, why don't you take on the Outsiders tonight, why don't you see what you got, huh?" "YEAH! I dare ya! I dare ya!" "Goldberg and me? You want it, you got it!" Hey, shouldn't Hart have asked Goldberg first? Strangely enough, Jeff Jarrett's music interrupts Hart's music - shortly thereafter, JEDOUBLEF JADOUBLEREDOUBLET hits the ring and breaks a gee-tar over Hart's head. You've got to understand that there are 16 segments to fill on Nitro. Jeff Jarrett isn't in 16 segments. He's in one out of 16, and so is everybody else. "Hey Slapnuts! I'M the Chosen One! And whether you like it or not, that damn belt belongs to me - now hit MY music!" The sound guy starts the music again and Jarrett poses on the second turnbuckle with the belt.
Your hosts are TONY SCHIAVONE & BOBBY HEENAN. Tonight, Hart and Goldberg take on the Outsiders! Tag team title match - Konnan & Kidman against Creative Control! Vampiro takes on the Wall! Booker T. takes on Buff Bagwell! Nitro Grrls collide as Spice takes on Tygress! Dean Malenko and Chris Benoit have a flag match! All this and MIKE TENAY!
MIKE TENAY stands backstage with CURT HENNIG. Hennig promises that he'll never wrestle for WCW ever again - but he is here tonight to see his fans and to say goodbye to his good friends here...some music fires up and the camera gazes off in that direction to see the Maestro playing a white piano complete with a bottle on ice for a lovely young thing...Gosh! She looks familiar!
We cut to a hallway where Konnan and Kidman are WALKING! Kidman can't find his camera - Konnan says they can steal another. I should note that Konnan is enjoying a refreshing CAN OF SURGE! Konnan asks Kidman to patch up with Eddie 'cause they're dawgs - Kidman says "Whatever." Well, they're losing tonight.
Steve Williams and Oklahoma are WALKING! Hmm, wonder what else is on. Hey, Raiders and Broncos are tied at 15! Maybe I should watch THAT until RAW comes on!
Local spot advertises SmackDown! on KBHK
This portion of WCW Monday Nitro is brought to you by Toy Biz Tuff
Talkin' Wrestlers. "They're Really Talking To Each Other!"
Joey Marinara talks to "Johnny the Bull" and "Big Vito." I personally thought Von Krus was better as a stereotypical Nazi than a stereotypical Italian.
Charlie is in a meeting with Total Package - he says he can deliver a match between Elizabeth and Meng - she'll starve if she doesn't earn the money he's paying her with that exclusive contract.
Meanwhile, Liz is watching this on a monitor - holy crap, Liz is the SMARTEST WOMAN ALIVE! Except for that bit about signing that contract without looking at it. She's a little unnerved at this development, as you might expect...
CREATIVE CONTROL v. KONNAN & KIDMAN for the world tag team championship - this match was apparently set up by Kidman covering up a bikini'd Torrie last week. Konnan will take the grass outta your pocket and smoke it. He BELIEVES he's a bus! Alert GLAAD, because Tony said "Fans, I'm gonna be honest with you, I don't know which one is Patrick and which one is Gerald. I've been told one was Patrick, and then I was been told, no the other one's Patrick. There's been talk that neither man wants to be called Patrick." Oh, but firing Lenny and Lodi is okay. Let's just call 'em Jason & Jared. Kidman quickly overwhelmed. Tag to Gerald 2. Double shoot into the ropes, double press, no water in the pool. Cover for 2. Tag to Gerald 1. Into the corner hard. Tag to Gerald 2. Scoop - and a slam. Tag to Gerald 1. Open shot. Double thrust to the throat. Choke in the corner, shoulder in the gut - into the opposite corner, reversed, Gerald pulls up - Kidman manages a tornado bulldog. Tag to Konnan and he's a CASA EN FUEGO! Off the ropes, tumblin' clothesline! Off the ropes for the other, same deal, facebuster. Now we're totally missing the action for some reason - hello, please change the camera angle. Oh, apparently we were suppoesd to notice action on the video screens. Apparently, it's a GTV - check that, Kid Cam feed of Torrie and Eddie sharing a laugh. Unfortunately, we can't hear anything, but Kidman must have - he takes off, leaving Konnan alone. One giant sidewalk slam later...ladies and gentlemene, we have new tag team champions. (3:11) Backstage, we see Kidman running to the Filthy Animals dressing room and charging Eddie Guerrero. Jealous bastard, ain't he?
Mike Tenay stands with Bret Hart and Goldberg. Hart says he'll be happy to make Jarrett his first title defense. Goldberg says how about tonight? He can take care of the Outsiders. Tenay says, what, a Handicap match? Goldberg whispers "nuhnussessala," which I *believe* was "not necessarily."
Promotional consideration paid for by Slim Jim (no Savage), WCW Tuff Talkin Wrestlers ("They're Still Saying the Same Things!"), Blast-O-Butter popcorn from JollyTime, Stetson smelly stuff for men, and America (ha!) Online
Here's an "End of Days" ad - but it's not really wrestling related, so I won't note it...oh wait
WCW Grudge Match games are woefully obsolete
This portion of WCW Monday Nitro is brought to you by Castrol Motor Oily!
Sky asks Spice to reconsider the big match with Tygress. "There's nothing that can be done."
Curt Hennig tells Buff Bagwell there's no hard feelings - and they have a final handshake. The Maestro provides accompaniment.
SCREAMIN' BLACK MAGIC is out dressed as Charlie Batch - which is weird, because he seems more like a Warren Moon - I guess Moon never played for the Lions, though. "You are lookin' at the new WCW Hardcore Champion." He wiggles with the belt. "Look up the definition of the word 'hardcore' and you'll see this rough, tough mug." And he mugs. "Just how hardcore am I?
Well this morning, I drank milk that was two days past the
expiration! So what I'm saying is, if there are any of those wannabes back
there in the locker room that CHOOSE to question my originality in having
this title, I challenge them to come out now. Is there anybody in WCW that
is hardcore enough to challenge Norman Smiley, THE hardcore champion?"
Holy shit, it's FIT
FINLAY! That's about the BEST answer you could
me. Norman tries to give him the "doin' it in da butt and smackin' my
bitch up" dance, but Finlay kicks him square in the nuts. Guess Smiley
wasn't wearing a cup. Kick! Finlay puts on the football helmet and
headbutts Smiley. Waffles him with the helmet! Forearm. Right hand.
Finlay takes the belt and WHACKS him with that! Stomping him again. Kick
between the shoulderblades with the good leg. Now working him over with
the helmet. Right between the eyes! Finlay grabs the belt, places it on
Smiley's face, and knees the belt. FORWARD ROLL SLAM! Another kick.
Right in the face. "You think you're tough?" Finlay throws the belt onto
Smiley and walks out. Crowd boos but they just don't know. This RULES IT.
Hell, Finlay goes back in there and keeps on him as we fade to
The Dynamic Duo says that Hart and Jarrett WILL have a title match, at the top of the hour! Top of the hour, hmmm.....also tonight, Elizabeth vs. Meng! Goldberg takes on the Outsiders? Will he have a partner? We are brought to you tonight by WCW Nitro: the fragrance for men! Ahh, the smell of it!
Backstage, while the sounds of a piano fill the air, Liz and Package have a chat. Package won't accept the explanation of an accident - tonight she'll find out firsthand how Luger felt last night!
Mike Tenay stands between the Outsiders - Hall acts drunk and Nash smarms. They're gettin' the band back together, or something.
The New Year's Evil Mayhem Match of the Week Sweepstakes is comin' up! Let's see last week's match again - Johnny Boone and Evan Karagias - Madusa - arrrgh. No winner is announced, 'cause they didn't really have one - wcw.com said something about "technical difficulties" and they'll pick two winners this week. It's the last week, by the way - last chance for you to get thyself to the Astrodome!
Ad for WCW Mayhem: the Music.
Chavo Guerrero attempts to sell some chains to Marinara's boys. Right behind all this, we see Disco Inferno make a timely escape. For musical accompaniment, the Maestro practices his chords.
You can see with Hacksaw and Chavo and Hennig - all these guys are going someplace. - Vince Russo
Mike Tenay interviews Jeff Jarrett. He was chosen to win that title tournament, and one way or another, that title WILL end up around his waist.
OUTRAGEOUS EVAN KARAGIAS (with Madusa) v. PERRY SATURN (with Asya) - I never saw "The Graduate," but I bet it's an appropriate reference here. Saturn interrupts a Greco-Roman liplock with a suplex - then HE ambles over to Madusa (still on the apron), long enough for Karagias to try a rollup for 2. Big-time lariat from Saturn. Now mounting him and wailing away. But now we cast a wary eye to THE SOON-TO-BE FORMER BRAD ARMSTRONG, now apparently known as BUZZKILL - wearing some oddly familiar braids, tie-dye and carrying a "HELL NO I WON'T GO!" sign. "This has no reference to drugs, dude - I am high on life. I haven't had this much fun since the Berkeley riots, brother! Let me tell you that - these cats are great, man!" So is he imitating his brother or Van Hammer? Oh yeah, there's a match - I forgot about that. (Rings of Saturn 1:31) Madusa attempts a rescue, but Asya pulls her out - the catfight is on. Each man grabs his woman. Madusa throws a shoe. Now they're at it again - again each man pulls back his valet. Now, this is just my opinion, but I saw - let's see - about six things wrong with this segment. I'll spare you a list.
Mike Tenay stands in the back with Kidman and Torrie Wilson. Kidman wants Eddie Guerrero tonight, for making it personal. That piano accompaniment sure is pervasive...
Elsewhere, Vampiro and the Misfits are WALKING!
And Dr. Death and Oklahome are still WALKING! What, are they lost?
Well, looks like the Nitro Girls Millennium is still on - Kimberly
and Jazz are still in it, I guess. Hey, only $15 + $5.95! How much does a
year of Playboy cost?
Mike Tenay stands with Eddie Guerrero - who very obviously reads his interview off a card. Ooooh.
MATCH OF THE WEEK: VAMPIRO (with the Misfits) v. THE WALL (mit Byrlyn) - Let Us Take You Back To Last Night and some Still Shots - that chain match was horrid, let's be honest with each other. And I'm not even going into the fact that we were "graced" with the presence of Oklahoma and Steve Willians during that match. Speaking of which, the Oklahoma fight song brings OKLAHOMA & DR. DEATH down to ringside - ...we can tell that story and not even shoot Ed Ferrara as Oklahoma, because it's not about what the guy looks like, it's about what the guy is saying. That's the angle. - Vince Russo - Of course, we DO see him, and his face, and his BBQ sauce. Crowd chants "USA" despite the fact that apparently none of the competitors are American - well, for purposes of the storyline. The angle is you've got a 50-year-old man, who walks around in real life wearing a cowboy hat, and takes himself more seriously than any individual I've ever met in my life! That's the parody. - Vince Russo - what could have been a nice little match actually ends quickly as Byrlyn walks yn and hyts Vampiro wyth a chair (DQ 2:11) much to the Wall's consternation. Wall unbuttoning his sleeves (hey, he wears the same stuff as Creative Control!) Berlyn decides to take his leave - Wall stalks after him. So will these guys break up TONIGHT? Why didn't they break up last night? Will they be together six months from now? Anyway, Jerry Only points a finger to Dr. Death...or at least one of the Misfits does - does it matter? Williams quickly takes out all the Misfits - but Vampiro takes out Williams with a kick. Williams to the outside of the ring, Oklahoma quickly over to hold back his man. I just got to tell you, I think that's hysterical, because THAT'S JR! If I didn't think it was funny, we would not be doing it. The funny part about it is, this is a guy that just takes himself so seriously, and to me, that's the funny part about it. - Vince Russo
Jeff Jarrett and Creative Control are WALKING!
Bret Hart is also WALKING!
Miss Elizabeth locks herself in a shark cage. Instead of asking what a shark cage is doing there, I'll ask you why, in the previous segment, Hart appeared to walk by that VERY cage, only there were a lot of people around it - and it was empty. Oooops.
Last chance to keep you from changing channels - we look to the back, where a mysterious limousine has arrived, along with the TV-14-DLS ratings box. Who is in the limo? Could it be Goldberg's partner? Don't you DARE change that channel!!!!!!
By the way, notice that once again Ed Ferrara has given himself the 8:45-9:00 quarter once again....probably so Vince Russo can give us quotes like ...the reality of it is, that was the highest rated segment on Monday Nitro. Go back and check, in the past three months the highest rated segment has ALWAYS been 8:45 or 8:30. It's *almost* as bad as when You Know Who was trying to get HIMSELF into the cushy ratings spots...
(with Creative Control) v. BRET CLARKE
for the WCW World Heavyweight Championship -
before the show started, I
would have given Hart 50/50 odds of leaving Nitro the champ. Now that I
know Jarrett is the opponent, I'm not too worried for Bret. Creative
Control appears to have put their belts down somewhere between before the
ad break and now. Hart and Jarrett exchanging punches to start. Hart
getting the upper hand and laying into him with rights. Head to the buckle.
Right. Choke is rather blatant. Right, right, kick, standing on the neck.
Hart tosses Jarrett through the ropes. He's still a face, right?
Jarrett's head taken to the STEEL railing. Head to the ringpost. Jarrett
manages to come back - until a whip into the railing is reversed.
Everybody back in the ring. Hart still working over the neck. Uppercut to
the throat. Headbutt to the lower abs, between the legs. Hart runs
Jarrett's face along the top rope. Right hand - Jarrett crotches Hart on
the top rope, but Hart falls all the way to the floor. Headbutt to the
LOWER lower abs as Jarrett goes to the floor. Throats him on the railing.
Hey, GRANT HILL in the front row! Hart's head to the STEEL steps, then to
the commentary table. Punch puts Hart on the table. Fistdrop from a
standing position on the table - here's another. Referee "Blind" Mickey J.
DEMANDS they get back in the ring. Finally back in the ring - Tomahawk
chop to the back of the head from the top rope! Another fistdrop. Crowd
working on a "Let's Go Bret" chant? Jarrett with the rights, Bret punches
back, whip into the opposite corner, charge avoided. Rollup by Jarrett for
2. Into the ropes, reversed, head down, Jarrett with an inside cradle for
2. Off the ropes, back elbow ducked, Jarrett with a sleeper, Hart down to
his knees. Arm doesn't even fall once - Hart turns in, powers out, duck,
double clothesline and both men are down. Crowd counting along with
J...both men up at - I don't know, 'cause we're looking at Hill again.
Jarrett off the ropes, Hart blocks and punches.
"Iblockyourpunchyoudon'tblockmine" again. Gutshot. Side Russian legsweep.
Elbowdrop from the second rope. 2 count. Right handed uppercut.
Backbreaker across the knee. 1, 2, no. I think Hart's used all his
standards now - setting him up for a superplex but Jarrett goes to the
eyes. Off the second rope with a clothesline. 1, 2, no. Jarrett tries
the sunset flip but Hart hooks the legs and sits down on the shoulders a la
Wembley - Jarrett kicks out! Jarrett with a punch, off the ropes, duck,
crossbody from Hart, but Jarrett rolls through - and ALMOST gets the pin.
Off the ropes, Jarrett's dropkick misses - Hart to put on the Sharpshooter,
but Jarrett kicks him away and out of the ring. Creative Control is over
to work on Hart - but referee "Blind" Nick Patrick shields Hart. Behind
his back, DUSTIN
RHODES is in and whacking Jarrett with the title
belt. Jarrett's laid out in the ring. Hart back in - he doesn't know what
happened (sure, sure - maybe if that were STING in there) - Sharpshooter?
Nah, he just hooks a leg - 1, 2, 3. (8:36) I enjoy
suck. Please don't read into it or you'll be sending me hatemail.
Mariana's boys ask the Maestro to play "New York, New York" and hit on Ryan Shamrock - oops, gave it away, didn't I? Marinara catches up and chews out his guys. Somebody thinks this is side-splitting - and I urge you to go read their column right now.
Elizabeth and Package discuss things - Luger gets her to give him the key, then he doublecrosses her. "If you don't get out of this cage, I'll lift it and put it in the ring." Ummm, but YOU have the key now - how's she gonna get out on her own?
...one thing about me, that I've said a million times, is that all storylines start with logic. - Vince Russo
Here's another look at that limo
Promotional consideration paid for by WCW Tuff Talkin Wrestlers, Mag-Lite (from Ontario!), Stetson man smellin' stuff, Jet-Dry, and Talkin' Nitro Obsolete Arena!
Sting happens by Liz' cage - she begs for help. Sting says "You've
made your own cage, now ya gotta sleep in it - I can't help you."
Wendy's Spicy Chicken brings you a Key Moment! Let Us Take You Back to Earlier Tonight as Eddie Guerrero and Torrie Wilson were caught by Kidman.
KIDMAN (with Torrie Samuda) v. EDDIE GUERRERO (with Konnan) - Torrie arguing with Kidman all the way to the ring; Konnan arguing with Guerrero all the way to the ring. Tony says that Arn Anderson's condition is stable - some cracked ribs but that's it. Also the Power that Be apparently didn't know he was an agent - having learned this, they promptly fired him. Kidman with a tope on Guerrero to start. All over Guerrero. Back in the ring. Chop. Slap on the face, right cross, right, stomp, Torrie pleading with Kidman to stop. Elbow, elbow, into the opposite corner, Guerrero puts up an elbow. European forearm. Knife-edge chop. Guerrero stomping away. Suplexing him over the top rope and to the outside. Stomping to the floor. Knife-edge chop. Hard whip into the STEEL railing. Kidman rolled back in - Guerrero follows. Right hand. Backdrop suplex. Into the corner, reversed, clothesline from Kidman and Guerrero goes down. Off the ropes, duck, knee in the gut, off the ropes, knockdown, off the ropes, up and over - Kidman trying a leapfrog but not getting high enough - Guerrero headbutting him right in the balls. Guerrero asks referee "Blind" Charles Robinson to stop the match, but Kidman protests, then takes a swipe at Guerrero. So, Guerrero stomps away on Kidman. The camera misses the REVOLUTION putting a major-league beatdown on Konnan, culminating in a crush of his arm between the ringpost and the STEEL steps. Guerrero over to help, but Kidman grabs him in a backdrop suplex, then wails away. Setting him up in the corner - Torrie stops Kidman and points to Konnan, but Guerrero springs up and hits a TOP-ROPE SUPERPLEX! And now here's a top rope frog splash. 1, 2, 3. (4:39)
Creative Control are in a meeting with Charlie. He'd like Hacksaw Jim Duggan summoned, then he'd like them to go find out who's in the limo. Jarrett interrupts the meeting and shouts a lot.
THEMONSTERMENG - IS - WALKING!
Total Package directs a forklift to the cage...
Jimmy Barron phones in the WCW Road Report - Nitro hits Denver next Monday!
Hacksaw Jim Duggan, collecting cans, gets the message relayed.
Mike Tenay interviews Spice - Sky once again interrupts things and Spice once again says it's necessary. Looks like we can still manage to divvy them up by threes if we put the new girl with Fyre and Tygress...okay
LIZ - Let Us
Take You Back To Last Night Where
Errant Mace Set Up Tonight's Big Matchup - Miss Elizabeth arrives via
forklift - hey, is that Eric Bischoff driving the forklift? No, I guess
not. Oh, this is Luger's current music with her, okay. Themonstermeng
kicks at the cage - it's still locked, though. Now he's bending the bars -
wow he's as strong as CHYNA! Package in the ring and offering the key -
Themonstermeng puts a Tongan Death Grip on him. Now he's managed to pull
out two bars...(THIS IS)
STING is out with his baseball bat. Hey Sting,
this guy SAVED YOUR BACON last week. ...one thing about me, that I've
said a million times, is that all storylines start with logic. Vince
Russo. Sting frees Elizabeth, and walks away. Elizabeth follows - but are
they leaving together? (DQ
A camera spies on Bill Goldberg, talking to someone unseen. Could it be his partner? I'm excited!
WOW! The limo is STILL there! I'm DOUBLY excited!
This portion of Monday Nitro is brought to you by WRANGLER! WOW! WRANGLER!
Hall and Nash share a tender moment in their locker room.
Hacksaw still on his way to see the boss - and carrying the trash to boot! Suddenly, he sees something that causes him to drop everything - "What a BEYOOTIFUL PIANO!" He scootches over the Maestro and they play Chopsticks. HOOOOOOO! You can see with Hacksaw and Chavo and Hennig - all these guys are going someplace. - Vince Russo
LASH LeROUX v. DISCO INFERNO - Disco quickly strides over to the ring and looks over his shoulder an awful lot, as you might expect. Lockup, side headlock, chain wrestling, reversal, off the ropes, hiplock by LeRoux, kick from Disco, dueling armdrags, here comes TONY MARINARA & HIS TWO THUGS who surround the ring. Marinara occupies "Blind" Johnny Boone's time. Lockup, off the ropes, LeRoux tripped up - elbowdrop to the back - 2 count. Disco stomping away. Atomic drop. Going for the Chartbuster, but LeRoux shoves him off. Into the ropes, back with the rollup, Disco rolls it at 2 for 2 of his own. LeRoux with a crucifix into a backslide - 2. Disco takes his head to the buckle, and kicks away. Into the corner, boot up - Whiplash! 1, 2, 3! (2:25) The muscle get in the ring - then throw LeRoux out of the ring - then throw Boone out of the ring. Then stomp all over Inferno. LeRoux has a chair and he's gonna use it! Marinara on Inferno's back - LeRoux puts him in a sleeper - then he and Inferno put him in a body bag. Disco finally realises what he's done and leaves the ring
terrified. ...one thing about me, that I've said a million times, is
that all storylines start with logic. - Vince Russo
Outside, Creative Control (still carrying the belts on their shoulders), approach the limousine. Who's in there? I MUST KNOW IN THE NEXT 75 MINUTES!!
Where's WCW this week? I'm glad you asked! Tuesday they're in Toledo, Friday in San Angelo, Saturday in Belton, and Sunday in Midland. Tix on sale Saturday for Lowell!
The alarm on the limousine is going off - two cops have responded. Creative Control are left in a sticky situation!
Charlie takes Hacksaw Jim Duggan to task for crapping in his commode last week. As punishment, he ate prunes all week, then made a mess in his personal commode - he hands Duggan a toothbrush (wow, I can see his ARM!) and orders him to clean up.
...this angle has really helped us get other people over and that's what it's all about. - Vince Russo
NITRO GRRL SPICE v. NITRO GRRL TYGRESS - Spice is wearing her schoolgirl skirt and knee-lengths....while Tygress is dressed like Rena Mero, complete with whip. How can I type when my hands are occupied? What follows is one of those choreographed things that REALLY needs Norm McDonald asking "what the hell are you guys doing? You're DANCING? When did you work all this out?" HAIRPULL TAKEOVER BY SPICE!!!!!! Tygress goes to the eyes - and apparently real well. Anyway, NITRO GRRL SKY is out with a makeup kit - which she waffles Spice with. Now those two take various makeup implements and paint her up. The poor girl is trying SO HARD not to break out in a smile there. Ahhh. (under 2:00)
Mike Tenay interviews Themonstermeng! YEAH! GIVE HIM THE STICK! "Meng is no fool - Sting stick his nose where it doesn't belong - he tried to use the bat to crush my head - well let me tell you something - I want to challenge him tonight - no disqualification - and he can USE the bat - I will use - MY HANDS! Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa" PLEASE tell me why the Maestro can still be heard playing in the background?
Spice is still in the ring as CURT HENNIG walks out in street clothes. Is that a tear in his eye? Hug for Heenan. Handshake for Schiavone. Standing O from the crowd, who chant "Perfect." Ha! Listen to the man. "...thank you for the opportunity...and ah..." but he can't get the words out. Hennig walks off...as I hear Tony say "we will see exactly the powers of the Powers that Be," I am reminded of what Vince Russo said. ...if somebody wanted to put themselves over, they wouldn't put themselves over by just hearing a voice.
The limo door - slowly - OPENS! But before we can see anything, let's make you sit through an ad break to the third hour
Duggan, in the bathroom, spies another toothbrush, dips it in the
toilet and puts it back in its case. Oh........
Lord have mercy, ROWDY RODDY PIPER has come back to kill us all. "I love you! Detroit city! Everybody's here tonight! Jerry Stackhouse is in here someplace! Grant Hill! But I'll tell you something, you don't need Barry Sanders, you're doing just fine! And Nitro - WCW - don't need no stinkin' writers! From what the young boys tell me, from what the young boys tell me, the only time you see these writers is when they when they're in the shower, yeah, oh yeah, have you noticed what they're writing about? They write in T&A - they write in sex - you know why? They can't get any! They gotta write about it! Let's talk about their world famous entrances that they -" and his mic is cut off. He asks for another one and gets DAVID PENZER'S. It's promptly cut off as well. Piper grabs Heenan's headset, which stops functioning. Schiavone tells Piper that the producers have given instructions to kill his mic. Piper: "The Powers to Be?" Schiavone: "Yeah, the Powers that Be." Piper grabs a production assistant and drags him back behind the curtain - he gives up the location of their office. Piper knocks down the door...
...and we cut to a shot of Piper with Creative Control. "Don't even think about it - don't even think about it." Charlie tells his men to let him go. Piper turns to face his nemesis... "YOU'RE the worm that all these ath-uh-letes are afraid of? You? You five of thirty in the morning lookin' drag queen? You're the guy that's calling all this crap out there? You're the guy that's runing my sport? Thirty years! (don't touch me) Thirty years! I made this sport! Thirty years I spent since I've been 15 years old. I am the Real Deal. You? You're a figment of your own imagination. You - you are ruining people's lives and making them squirm like worms. You know why you can't fool me? Because I gotta bank account. I am a legend. I am the guy that can take you down. I will beat you to death with a baseball bat - you ever try to cut my mic off again!" Charlie says Piper needs a reality check of his own. He needs to join Flair and Hogan in Boca Raton and get out of his face. Piper says he's got a two-year contract with Turner/Time Warner that says he's gotta get paid and he can appear. After threatening a lawsuit, Charlie perks up and says that Piper will appear on TV - "as a lowly referee." "Lowly referee." Hmm, where have I heard that before...
Piper leaves the office with the shirt...and says "Yessir" a lot...?
...the 'Powers that Be' is a tool to get other talent over. - Vince Russo
SmackDown! on UPN 44 local promo
WWF in San Jose Friday local promo
Piper is still saying "Yessir" with all the dramatic flair he can muster - then he gets in the limo, and it speeds off
Here's a look at Goldberg! WOW! Goldberg!
BUFF IS THE STUFF v. BOOKA T. - Let Us Take You Back to Still Shots From Last Night Where Bagwell Defeated Hennig in the Loser Leaves Town match. Last night, Booker T. had the chance to win two belts, except he didn't bust out his Valet Who Can Kick Everyone's Ass until AFTER he'd already lost the match with the assistance of outside interference. Well, who needs brains. T. with a shove to establish roles as we start. Buff busts out laughing, then makes fun of T's "raise the roof" gesture. Then flips him off! Lockup, armdrag from Bagwell. Pose.
T needs to KICK HIS
ASS. Lockup, side headlock from Bagwell. T powers out, off the ropes,
knockdown from Bagwell. Up and over, leapfrog, but gutshot from Bagwell.
Right hand. Oh yeah, there's CREATIVE
CONTROL looking on. T fires back
with a Harlem sidekick. Vertical suplex snapped off for 2. Head to the
buckle. Knife-edge chop. Into the opposite corner - boot up - Bagwell
flips him over with a clothesline. Punching away. Off the ropes with a
dropkick. T rolls out, Bagwell follows. Dueling barricade shots, T wins.
Back in the ring. Another Harlem sidekick from Booker T. Off the ropes,
flapjacks him down, breakdances up - Gerald #1 up on the apron - T
distracted. There's the Buff Blockbuster! So are they - nope, as referee
"Blind" Mark Johnson is distracted, Gerald #2 is in and knocking down
Bagwell. Now CURT
HENNIG is out and telling Gerald to lay off the
Then, he gives Bagwell a gutshot and Hennigplex! He covers Bagwell and
Gerald counts - 1, 2, 3. Johnson turns around and rings the bell (? 3:25)
- so, what just happened? Booker T. lays into Hennig and Creative Control,
but he's one and they're three. Now the lights go out - you know, if she
were just there BEFORE, these beatdowns wouldn't happen. MIDNIGHT in with
a DDT on one, Booker T. with the axe kick on the other.
The Outsiders prepare for their big match! Allegedly...
WCW Magazine ad
WCW Magazine ad #2 ...the hell?
WCW MasterCard ad - I smell a streak brewing
Charlie offers a handshake to Curt Hennig. So he's not a face anymore? He tells Creative Control to fetch him Juventud Guerrera.
...this angle has really helped us get other people over and that's what it's all about. - Vince Russo
Mike Tenay interviews Sting - Meng's out of control and he has no problem fighting him tonight. Liz offers her thanks and if Sting ever needs anything from her...Sting says he's not buying it. Oh, and I hear the Maestro in the background...
MADUSA (with Outrageous Evan Karagias) v. ASYA (with Perry Saturn) - that's some snappy beret Saturn's wearing. Quickly we're out of the ring. Madusa striking - Asya taking her to the apron, then to the railing, then to another railing. Foot up on the charge, again, and again. Back in the ring. Asya with a boot to the head as Madusa rolls back in. Chinlock? Oh, Tony says "neck vise." Hey, did all that email to Tony help him to not suck tonight? Madusa stands up - Asya on her shoulders - and falls backwards. Field goal kick. Another. Four kicks and a spinning heel kick. Dropkick from the second turnbuckle. Up for another - Asya with a blow and a beal. Head scissors! Apparently, Karagias trying to help out his woman - Saturn over to waffle him. Madusa gives it up (2:20) and I wonder where Mona is.
Mike Tenay interviews Dean Malenko - he's had his fill of Canada. Tonight when he wins the flag match, he'll douse the Canadian flag in gasoline and light it on fire! Oh no!
Goldberg prepares for his big match!
"WCW Mayhem: the Music" ad #2
DEAN MALENKO (USA) v. CHRIS BENOIT (CAN) in a flag match - for those of you who don't know, the object of the match is to climb the pole and lift the flag of your opponent - winner gets both flags. Tony sends a personal note out to Gordon Solie, who had his voicebox removed. Benoit has lasers! Malenko tries to attack first, but Benoit is too quick. Crowd confuses me by chanting "USA" even though Malenko's the de facto heel here. Benoit pulls up Malenko's hockey jersey and knees away. Pulling up over his head, tying the sleeves in a knot and bealing him by the neck. Now choking him with the jersey. Benoit over to the pole. Tony says no, the object now is to get your OWN flag. Well, make a decision already. Benoti outside, bypassing the flags - he's got the gascan. What's he gonna do? Apparently, he's gonna stand there and wait for Malenko to recover and Golota him. Both men up - knife-edge chop - again - again - again. Too bad there's no mics picking that up. Whip into the corner, Malenko skips the charge and Benoit hits hard. Malenko going up for the (Canadian) flag. But Tony just said...anyway, Benoit stops him and Malenko ends up in the tree of woe. Baseball slide dropkick from Benoit to Malenko's head. Off the ropes, under, duck, Malenko covers up - Benoit patiently waits and then dropkicks him in the head. Off the ropes, Malenko with a drop toehold and Benoit hits the bottom rope. Malenko to the Canadian flag again - he's got it. Boone calls for the bell and Tony was misinformed. (3:37) Flagpole clothesline. Whackin' away. Now Malenko throttling Benoit with the flagpole. Malenko spits on it - okie blow! The REVOLUTION is out with an oilcan. The Canadian flag and the gas are put in the can - before Malenko lights it, they decide, what the hey, let's go ahead and throw the American flag in there too. Before they get this lit, though, BRET CLARKE comes out and cleans house. He rescues the Canadian flag and hands it to Benoit - then he grabs the American flag, and they both wave them.
Sting - is - WALKING!
WCW Mayhem encore presentation ad
Juventud Guerrera meets with Charlie - who accuses him of working without a visa. Guerrera produces a bottle of tequila - Charlie tries it - then spits is all over him. Creative Control is dispatched to collect his toothbrush.
(THIS IS) STING in a "no DQ"
match - so this is
the match we were supposed to get back in the title tournament....but...eh.
Themonstermeng all over Sting at the start - many punches - big
clothesline. Headbutts. Hey there's
chop! Again! Throat
thrust! Elbow! Chop! Chop! Headbutt! Elbow! Scoop - and a slam!
Elbowdrop misses - finally Sting with some offense - back elbow - dropkick.
Liz has the mace - but Sting doesn't want her to use it on Themonstermeng.
Trying to get back in the ring - Sting uses the second rope to crotch him.
Into the corner - Stinger splash! Make it two! The NARCISSIST is out and
he's ripped off one of the shoulders on her top. Sting over to grab Luger
- hot shot on the top rope - but Themonstermeng is up and doing the "I'm
Going to Put the Tongan Death Grip on You" dance! TONGAN DEATH GRIP!
Shoulders down - referee "Blind" Nick Patrick counting...1, 2, 3!
Elizabeth tries to tend to Sting post-match, but he nudges her aside.
The Outsiders are WALKING!
Goldberg too is WALKING! He stops at a door. "Hey Killer! Ready? Let's go light 'em up." WHO CAN IT BE?!? KEVIN GREENE?!?!?!? STAY TUNED!!!!!!!!!!!!
"WCW Mayhem: the Music" ad #3
There's the Maestro and his female friend again..."Make it stop! Make it stop! MAKE IT STOP!" Why, look, it's David Flair and his crowbar - and they're demolishing the piano! WHAT A PAYOFF!!!!
...I think everybody is being elevated. - Vince Russo
OUTSIDERS v. COLD BEER (with Mayhem CD ad) & ? - Nash is wearing the TV title belt and Hall has Penzer announce Nash as the World Television Champion - we'll have to see if that sticks past tonight. Goldberg walks with the security...where's his partner? I don't know...who haven't we seen tonight? Oh....it's SID VISCOUS. Commentators are acting like Sid's gonna beat him up - but they exchange high fives. ...one thing about me, that I've said a million times, is that all storylines start with logic. - Vince Russo Schiavone takes this opportunity to plug the encore presentation - see how Goldberg gained respect for Sid by watching them fight one more time! Hall and Goldberg start. Here's the toothpick in the mug of Sid. Hall wants Vicious. There's a tag. Lockup, Vicious shoves him across the ring. Hey, Sid's a face this week. Lockup, arm wringer from Hall - Vicious shoves him into the corner. Sid roars. Lockup, choke from Sid - one for Nash as well - Hall manages to get to the eyes to take charge. Tag to Nash.
Knee, right, right, right, right,
right, push back the hair, crotch chop, right, Nash begging his hometown
crowd to chant the name of Goldberg. Off the ropes, duck, big boot from
Sid, tag to Goldberg. Up and over - superkick - cover - 2. Referee
"Blind" Mickey J. just relayed a time signal!! Goldberg punching. Nash
manages to pull Goldberg into the turnbuckle. Tag to Hall. Right, to the
rope - Hall fails to pull Goldberg out - Goldberg puts him up on his
shoulder and slams him. Did Goldberg just chop his crotch? Big elbow.
Off the ropes, reversed, Nash from behind to the back of the head.
Goldberg manages a shot on Nash but Hall hits a shot of his own - cover for
2. Hall brings Goldberg over and tags Nash. Knee, knee, knee, hair
adjustment, elbow - YES! HE'S FRAMING IT! Crotch chop for each man, hair
adjustment, standing on the neck, Hall with an apron clothesline while J.'s
back is turned. Tag to Hall. Front facelock and Sid's leading cheers.
Goldberg pushes Hall towards his corner - another step - makes the tag!
But of course, the ref was talking to Nash and missed it. Nash in behind
his back - off the ropes, double clothesline from Goldberg! Goldberg's
outside - Sid comes in and lays out both men with rights. Time for the
chokeslam on Hall. Got Nash - right hand, right, right, Goldberg back in
as Hall gets up, woozy - spear! Vicious has Hall for the powerbomb. Nash
climbs over the top rope and drops an elbow on Sid, then puts Hall on top.
Mickey J. turns around - 1, 2, 3. (7:29) The entire
gets in the ring while the bell ringer goes nuts. All four men separated.
Bring on the credits - keep ringing that bell!
... now I'm not saying, in six months we'll be beating the WWF in the ratings. That's not what I said. What I said was, I think in six months we will be very competitive when the writing team, the production team, and also the talent ... when everybody is on the same page, everybody is familiar with each other and everybody is working together. - Vince Russo
I'll still be here then, I reckon...