You are here
NWA Total Nonstop Action by Karlos the Jackal





I would rather watch Smackdown than NWA TNA.

But I'd rather watch NWA TNA than RAW.

Currently, I'm watching all three.

We'll see how long *that* lasts.


We get started right away with a five man elimination match -- the winner becomes the new #1 contender for the X Division Title! It's The Amazing Red vs. Kid Kash vs. Jose Maximo vs. Joel Maximo vs. "Prime Time" Elix Skipper. Oh, great, both members of the Spanish Announce Team are wearing elbowpads now; that makes it much harder to tell them apart. One of them and The Amazing Red double team Kid Kash; the other one's fighting Elix Skipper, who tries to dump him over the top rope, but he ends up sitting on it instead, so Skipper dropkicks him off the rope and onto the floor. He's the thinner one, which I think makes him Jose. Back in the ring, Skipper and Kash are brawling, and Red takes a couple of swings at Joel Maximo; Irish whip reversed into an elbow, Red goes back into the ropes and comes running back, and Joel elevates him up so that Red vaults over Joel's head and hits a double dropkick on Kash and Skipper, sending *them* to the outside. Joel hits a baseball slide into the recovering Skipper and Kash, and now Red's alone in the ring. Red runs the ropes, probably planning to leap out and join his fellow athletes outside, but Jose's back in and BLINDSIDES Red with a clothesline. Jose runs the ropes and hits the suicide dive between the top and middle ropes. Red's alone in the ring again, so *now* he runs the ropes and hits a BEAUTIFUL no-hands somersault senton over the top rope -- crisp and clean. Everyone's in a pile outside as we take a look at a replay. We come back just in time to see Kid Kash hit what looks like a springboard twisting moonsault off the top rope. Replay of that, too. Back in the ring, it's Kash and the bigger Maximo, Joel. Kash's whip attempt is reversed, into a -- powerbomb? No, Maximo pulls him up and over, into a Gory Special. Red and Jose Maximo are in. Jose picks up Red (as if for an atomic drop) and -- get this -- insert's Red's ankles between Kash's arms and Joel's arms, so that Joel is standing with Kash in a Gory Special on his back and Red hanging, upside down by his ankles, down Joel's front. WACKY. Then, Jose walks around and pulls Red's arms through Joel's legs, so that Red's in kind of a standing Boston Crab. Skipper wants in on this complex structure, and steps in between Kash and Jose, putting Jose in a camel clutch. Skipper shoves Jose aside, hits the opposite ropes, and dropkicks the Joel / Red / Kash construction. JENGA! Down they go. Skipper's the last man standing. He kicks Joel a couple of times, pulls him up, whip, misses the clothesline, and Joel comes back with a really sloppy huracanrana. Skipper misses a right and Joel hits the German suplex -- bridge -- 1, 2, no. Kash up -- whips Joel, clothesline misses, another sloppy huracanrana by Joel. Wow, deja vu. Kash with a couple of chops and a whip to the corner; Joel hops up to the second rope, turns, and jumps down straight into a dropkick to the torso by Kash. Joel rolls out to the outside while Kash makes the "huracanrana" sign -- he stairsteps up to the top turnbuckle and comes down on Joel -- OUCH -- when he falls back for the 'rana, he lands RIGHT on his HEAD. That's probably something like how Lita got injured. Kash clutches the back of his head. Replay while Kash recovers -- ah, he seems okay. He's got Joel by the hair. Joel whips Kash into the announce table, but Kash jumps up onto it, then comes off with a tornado DDT. Nice. Back in the ring, Red and Jose Maximo trade rights. Jose gains the advantage -- whips Red into the corner -- Red jumps on the second rope and backflips out. Jose into the corner, up and over Red, grabbing the German release but Red lands on his feet. Red going for a huracanrana, but Jose pushes him up, over his head, and Red's again on the second rope in the corner. There's a back kick for the approaching Jose -- Red up to the top rope -- jumps onto Jose, who reverses that into a sitout powerbomb. 1, 2, Elix Skipper in and breaks it up. Red rolls into the corner while Skipper attacks Jose -- kick to the gut, whip into the ropes, clothesline reversed, Jose hits a huracanrana and hooks the legs (West Coast Pop pinning position). 1, 2, Skipper powers out. Jose with a right, forearm, whip into the corner reversed, charging Skipper gets a boot to the midsection. Jose goes for the tornado DDT, but Skipper hangs on and put him over the top rope, onto the apron. Jose shoulderblocks Skipper, then walks around the corner, goes up the ropes -- he's standing on the second rope -- and Skipper gives him a roundhouse kick to the head. Jose, stunned, sits down on the top rope, halfway between the turnbuckles. Skipper goes to the corner, climbs up, and TIGHTROPE WALKS the top rope out to where Jose is, and then leaps up into the huracanrana! Cover! 1, 2, NO! Skipper get up and IMMEDIATELY eats a flying clothesline from Kid Kash off the top. That gets Kash a 2 count. Kash's whip reversed -- Skipper hangs on and kicks Kash in the gut -- Skipper with a gutwrench suplex, and Kash lands on his side. Man, Kash is getting BEAT UP in this match. Skipper dares Kash to get up, but Kash can't seem to make it. Skipper hauls Kash up, and hits a double underhook suplex -- nice -- that gets a 2 count but Red breaks it up. Red with a right, right, right, Irish whip reversed, Skipper clothesline ducked, Red's roundhouse kick is brushed away but Red keeps spinning and lands a no-hands enzuiguri. Kash up again -- puts Red in the corner, chop, whip into the opposite corner is reversed. Red comes charging in but Kash puts him up and over onto the apron. Red with a right hand, then goes up to the top turnbuckle. Kash has had enough of this; he charges up the turnbuckle stack, grabs Red -- there's an overhead press slam to the mat! Red flails in agony. As we watch that, Kash goes up the opposite turnbuckle, where a Maximo (Joel, I think) is perched -- after a brief struggle, Joel punches Kash off the top, his momentum sending him down as well. He covers for 2 -- broken up by his own brother, Jose. Jose slams Joel's head into the turnbuckle, right, right, whip into the corner reversed, but Jose goes to the second rope and hits the tornado DDT. Jose covers -- Skipper breaks it up. Skipper whips Jose, tilt-a-whirl -- no, Jose lands on his feet and tries to elbow out of Skipper's grasp -- picks Skipper up but Skipper drops behind. Skipper with a gut kick, wristlock -- PLAY OF THE DAY!!! Jose's not getting up from that. (7:42, Elix Skipper pins Jose Maximo, Play of the Day.) Skipper's Play of the Day looks better than Randy Orton's O-Zone, I think, although it can still seem a little contrived. Joel's up -- Kash dropkicks him out of the ring. Red comes after Skipper. There's a replay of the Play of the Day. When we come back, Red is down, Kash and Joel are standing on the outside, and Skipper's in the midst of a slingshot barrel roll onto the two of them! Skipper puts Joel back in -- shoulderblock through the ropes -- Skipper vaults back into the ring, twisting gracefully in midair to catch Joel in the headscissors and take him down! That's very pretty. Skipper pulls Joel up, forearm, forearm, whip reversed. Skipper grabs onto the ropes and Red runs over and kicks Skipper in the back (imagine Rey's 619, but keeping one foot on the mat -- that's what Red did). Skipper stumbles forward, into Joel, who scoops him up over his back -- and PILEDRIVES him DOWN! YOW. Kind of like the Vertebreaker, but Skipper's facing the other way -- there's probably a technical name for that. Double leg piledriver? Someone let me know. ANYWAY, Joel calls it the Maximo Explosion, and it spells death for Skipper -- 1, 2, 3, and he's GONE. (8:49, Joel Maximo pins Elix Skipper, Maximo Explosion.) Kash over to Joel -- kick, push into the ropes, chop, whip reversed, Kash back with another kick to the gut, right hand, stairsteps up the turnbuckle and 'ranas Joel down. Kash runs the ropes, going for the DDT -- Joel shoves him off, misses a right, and gets caught in the double underhook -- MONEYMAKER! That's it for Joel. (9:24, Kid Kash pins Joel Maximo, Moneymaker.) The Moneymaker's a double underhook piledriver -- imagine a pedigree into a piledriver and you've got it. Only Kash and Red are left. Kash offers the hand of friendship, but delivers a kick to the midsection instead (man, what kind of a dumbass is Red, anyway? Kash has ALWAYS acted like the schoolyard bully to Red -- why would he change NOW?). Right hand, whip, clothesline ducked, Red goes for something but Kash scoops him up and slams him down. Legdrop -- staying on him for a 2 count. Irish whip, going for a tilt-a-whirl but Red turns it into a head scissors and takes Kash off his feet. Spinning kick by Red gets 2. Red's whip into the corner is reversed. Kash walks into a boot to the face. Red comes off the second rope with a DDT -- cover -- no, Kash's foot is on the ropes. Right, right, whip to the corner, Kash sits up top and kicks Red in the head. From that seated position, Kash leaps up into a moonsault position, then comes off with a -- well, let's call it a twisting somersault clothesline and be charitable. Cover gets 2. Whip into the ropes, back body drop but Red turns it into a sunset flip -- 1, 2, no. Kash and Red trade nearfalls in one of those cruiserweight roll-up bits. Kash picks up Red for a fisherman's suplex -- but hits a backbreaker-type move instead, CRUSHING the back of Red's neck across his knee! EXCELLENT move; Kash calls it the Bankroll. 1, 2, NO!? Jesus, Red should be DEAD. Kash agrees and has some words for ref Rudy Charles. Kash's whip reversed, Kash with a kick to the gut -- Kash double springboards to the top, using perpendicular ropes, and comes off with a froggy diving crossbody -- 1, 2, Red kicks out AGAIN. Replay. When we come back, Red's in the corner, second rope, facing out, and Kash is behind him -- Red's elbowing Kash. Kash goes down -- Red goes up -- INFRARED!!! That's Red's corkscrew moonsault -- 1, 2, 3! (12:24, The Amazing Red pins Kid Kash, Infrared) The Amazing Red is YOUR number one contender for the X Division Title!

There's a crawl -- go to and bid to spend the day with Jeff Jarrett! Proceeds go to the reward fund for the DC sniper.

Goldy Locks has some cherry red locks as well, tonight. She's with Brian Lawler, who seems more concerned with trying to peek through the crack of a door. Shouldn't he be focused on his upcoming match with B.G. James? "Whaddaya want, Goldy? YES, I'm wrestling here tonight! Whaddaya think I'm doing here, huh? Pshhhh! -- Listen, listen listen listen listen -- Goldy, I'm sorry, I've just got a lot of pressure on me tonight, can we do this a little bit later, okay? Okay? Thank you. Thank you." He leaves and Goldy is all, "what's *his* damage?"

Tenay and West introduce us to a recap of The Hotshots attacking James Storm and Chris Harris (our tag team champions) last week -- that sets up the match THIS week. I think BULLIES should get dropped to the BOTTOM of the rankings, is what I think.

The Hotshots (Chase Stevens and Cassidy O'Reilly) vs. "Wildcat" Chris Harris and "Cowboy" James Storm for the Tag Team Championship. The champs rush the ring and it's a brawl! There's the bell. Harris puts O'Reilly out and follows him. Storm clotheslines Stevens out. Harris is whomping O'Reilly's ass around the outside -- into the guardrail, into the steps. Storm is whipping Stevens with a belt -- where'd that come from? Stevens into the guardrail. Stevens tries to jump up and use the guardrail as a springboard into the huracanrana -- first attempt fails, Stevens tries again -- but now Storm sees what's up and is able to reverse the 'rana into a powerbomb. And a suplex for Stevens. Oops, they've just flung Tiny the Timekeeper aside. Finally, they're in the ring after about 2 and a half minutes on the outside. O'Reilly and Storm to start. O'Reilly's in the corner -- right, right, right, whip to the opposite corner. Harris whips Storm into O'Reilly, Storm whips O'Reilly into the opposite corner, Harris hits a big bulldog on the rebound. There's a couple of punches for the prone Hotshot. Left, whip reversed -- Stevens, on the apron, hits Harris in the back -- Harris misses a left hand and Stevens grabs him for O'Reilly to take a free shot. O'Reilly misses and clobbers Stevens, who hits his face on the apron on the way down. Harris with a left, left, whip reversed -- Stevens, on the floor, grabs Harris' ankles and sends him sprawling. O'Reilly with a stomp, turns Harris over, stomp to the back, again, tag to Stevens. Stevens with stomps, snap suplex, tag, puts Harris' face into the turnbuckle. Both Hotshots in now. They grab Harris by the head and shove him backwards to the mat. Standing at his feet, each Hotshot laces one of their legs through one of Harris' -- then they roll forward, somersaulting, forcing Harris around to slam down on his back again. That's NUTTY. (I *think* D-Lo Brown did a similar move, one-man style, to Justin Credible a few months ago on Heat.) O'Reilly with a shot to Storm on the apron. O'Reilly with a scoop and a slam to Harris - turns him over, half crab. Gives up on that -- knee to the back, pulls Harris up, chop into the corner, chop, Harris with a chop, chop, chop, Irish whip reversed, O'Reilly clothesline ducked, Harris hits a left-hand clothesline. O'Reilly clutches himself and grimaces. Tag to Stevens. Harris is almost to the tag -- NO, Stevens punches Storm off the apron! Kick to Harris, kick, kick, kick, punch, whip into the corner reversed, Stevens tries to go up and over but there's no one there. SPEAR from Harris -- TAG to Storm! O'Reilly comes in -- Storm send him into the ropes and takes him down with a VERY labored back body drop. Whip to Stevens, back body drop for him too. Crowd is chanting "Let's go Cowboy." Storm conks the Hotshots' heads together. Punch and stomp to Steven, seated in the corner. O'Reilly runs into a drop toe hold, predictably putting his head into Stevens' crotch. Storm picks up O'Reilly, Irish whip reversed and O'Reilly tosses Storm over the top rope. Harris over with a left to O'Reilly -- left -- O'Reilly right -- whip reversed. O'Reilly tries for the crossbody but Harris catches him, Bradshaw-style -- that means it's time for the Catatonic (caught crossbody into a spinning Rock Bottom)! NO, Stevens has other ideas -- superkick to Harris, O'Reilly lands on top, 1, 2, no. O'Reilly has words for referee Scott Armstrong, distracting him while Stevens goes up top -- Storm shoves him down, and Stevens is crotched. O'Reilly clubs Storm down while Harris shove Stevens off the top onto the floor. Storm catches O'Reilly up into a fireman -- drops his head down into what I think would be the Kryptonite Krunch position, with O'Reilly's head under his arm -- then lets go of his legs, spinning him all the way around, ending in sort of a reverse uranage, Storm facing up and O'Reilly facing down. That's called the Eight Second Ride, and it's enough to end the match --1, 2, 3. (7:21, "Cowboy" James Storm pins Cassidy O'Reilly to retain the Tag Team Championship, Eight Second Ride.) America's Most Wanted are STILL undefeated!

Recap in classy black & white of Jerry Lynn and Sonny Siaki. Last week, Siaki brutalized Lynn's knee and Lynn leaves on a stretcher.

Goldy's got Lynn in front of the red door. People are saying that his knee's not at 100%. "Well, maybe because it's not. But you know what? Hell, I've worked a month and a half before with a fractured pelvic bone. It's nothin' new to me. You gotta keep pluggin' away. I'm a professional wrestler. This is what I do." Couldn't he do it next week? "You know what? Professional wrestlers, we don't get an off season. You gotta keep pluggin' away, you gotta keep going. And I don't put anything off when it comes to wrestling -- *especially* when it comes to Sonny Siaki. You know, all the young guys in the business, they want to make a mark for themselves by using *me* as a stepping stone! Well, it ain't gonna happen. They figure, if they beat the veteran, they'll get a big 'rub' from it. Well, you know what? That's nothin' new to me. That's the way the business is. I'll tell you what: it's dog eat dog, and it's survival of the fittest." He's off. Here's Lawler for some quick comedy relief, asking the cameraman if he's seen April. Goldy is (surprise!) annoyed.

Sonny Siaki vs. Jerry Lynn. Lynn has got a bad limp -- he may as well have just gone ahead and painted a target on his right knee. Lynn gets he jump on Siaki by dragging him ankle-first out of the ring -- right hand -- right, right, head to the steps. No bell yet. Right, right, Siaki takes him down, going for the knee, but Lynn uses both legs to shove Siaki off and over the guardrail. Lynn does a limping run, vaulting the guardrail, and the flying elbow takes Siaki down. The ref has followed them into the crowd. Lynn tosses Siaki back over the rail. Right, head to the announce table, Siaki thrown into the ring at the one minute mark. There's the bell! Lynn scoops Siaki up -- no, his knee can't take it and he falls backwards -- Siaki on top -- 1, 2, no. Siaki may not have realized he was covering; he just sorta rolled off. Siaki drops an elbow on the knee. Pulls Lynn up, shinbreaker. Tenay explains to us that it was the patella tendon that was injured before, requiring knee surgery -- "not just a scope." Siaki wrenches the knee, turns Lynn over in a half-crab. I don't think Siaki's going to do any non-knee moves at all tonight. Lynn reaches the ropes. Siaki poses, then charges -- Lynn elevates him over, onto the apron -- Siaki with the shoulder block -- bad idea, as Lynn legdrops him. Siaki doesn't bother watching the tapes, I see. That was Lynn's bad leg -- he continues to sell, clutching the leg. Siaki lies on the padding outside, and -- laughs? Huh, maybe Siaki *did* have it scouted and was tricking Lynn into using the bad leg. That's some crazy psychology there if that's so. Replay of the legdrop. When we come back, Siaki is still outside, wrapping Lynn's leg around the ringpost. Siaki rolls into the ring and out. Again with the wrap attack. Now he's just hauling on the ankle, with the ringpost as a fulcrum. Siaki back in. Shinbreaker. Going for another, but Lynn drops behind for the sunset flip -- 1, 2, no. Punch from Siaki misses, Lynn hits a crucifix rollup -- 1, 2, Siaki kicks out. Lynn misses a clothesline -- Siaki drops to his knees and clips the back of Lynn's knee, and Lynn's down again. Cover for 2. Siaki, after some floundering, locks on a type of figure four -- Siaki is perpendicular to Lynn, and he's using one of his feet to shove against Lynn's bad knee. Lynn frees himself with some punches to Siaki's head. Crowd chants "Jerry!" Lynn pulls himself up, using the ropes -- Siaki kicks his leg out from under him. Elbowdrop to the knee. Siaki turns Lynn onto his stomach, puts his legs into deathlock position (braced against Siaki's knee), and pulls back on both arms, surfboard style. Quits that. Lifts Lynn's ankle and slams the knee into the mat. And again. And AGAIN. Siaki turns Lynn onto his back, kick to the knee, another -- going for the figure four, but Lynn uses his good leg to shove Siaki into the corner. Siaki goes through the ropes and into the ringpost. Lynn quickly rolls him backwards, folding Siaki up, Lynn bridges back -- 1, 2, 3! (5:49, Jerry Lynn pins Sonny Siaki, bridging rollup) Lynn is clutching his knee and can't get up. Siaki is shocked -- and he immediately attack's Lynn's knee, bringing out the other refs. Lynn attacks Siaki, forcing him out of the ring -- Siaki reluctantly goes to the back as Lynn goes back to writhing.

Crawl -- go to and bid to join the NWA TNA announce team!

Recap -- Hennig and The Truth. Hennig wants the belt! And he's white!

Jeremy Borash brings out B.G. James and Curt Hennig. James does his stupid knee dance. There's a shot of three guys in the audience giving big thumbs down -- but James and Hennig are LOVABLE FACES! In the ring, gum swat. Crowd chants "Perfect" -- hope nobody sues them. "You know, ever since I've been in this great business, I've found wrestlers throughout the world trying to be just like Curt Hennig. I mean, in the way they dress, what they wear to the ring, the wear -- the way they wear their hair, they chew their gum -- there's that one mark that tried to steal my gimmick, that Diamond Dallas Page, 'member him? Ha ha ha." It's a shoot! Wait -- what is he talking about? And shouldn't he be saying that about "PerfectShawn" Stasiak? "But YOU, Jeff Jarrett, you take the cake. You're a Curt Hennig wannabe from DAY ONE. We ALL know that. Let's go back a couple of years, Jarrett, when you were a rookie. And I had you right here in this building. And I used your head for a mop and your butt for a broom from one end of this place to the other! Curt Hennig wannabe. You know, and a couple of years after that, I started this country western band called 'Curt Hennig and the West Texas Rednecks.' Had a number one single, went gold -- 'Rap is Crap.'" B.G. James somehow restrains himself from punking Hennig out. "Well, Jarrett, I turn around, and what do you got in your hand? A guitar. Trying to be a country singer. Curt Hennig wannabe." I'm going to have to look into the timelines here, I think. "You know, Jarrett, it may be true that I'm a little bit older than you -- maybe I got him by a year, year and a half, somethin' like that -- but you know what? That's why I gotta train a little harder, that's why I gotta stay in the gym a little more --" what, does the gym have a buffet? I KID. "-- to keep this outstanding body healthy. I want you to zoom in on my face, one time, get a close up of this, 'cause this is a line that's been heard around the world: I'M the guy who TOOK DOWN BROCK LESNAR at 35,000 feet!" WOOOOOOO "So Jeff Jarrett, I put a challenge out to you for next week, no matter what happens in my title match tonight. You, next week, Jarrett -- I challenge YOU. Because remember: I'M the guy who TOOK DOWN BROCK LESNAR at 35,000 feet! And Jarrett -- should you accept the challenge, can you imagine what I'm gonna do to you at ground zero!" Jarrett's music is already playing -- but where's Jarrett? He's in back, with Lawler and Goldy, trying to convince Lawler that they need to go out there together. Lawler begs off -- he's waiting for April. Maybe Jarrett should get The Truth to go with him? Back in the ring, B.G. James has gotten ahold of the mic. "It seems that Brian Lawler's waiting on April -- well, that's a few months away, I can tell you (I'm no good at math). Brian Lawler, Brian Christopher, Grandmaster, Too Sexy -- the only thing I can call you here tonight is 'Lonely!' You see, last week, Brian Lawler, you saw fit to take out 'The Trash.' And I guess you thought I was a dumpster. Well, this week, it ain't no garbage can / it's man to man / nose to nose / toes to toes / and my momma said / that's just how it goes. Lawler, I promise you this: you remember the name B.G. James -- and the 'G' stands for 'Get it? Got it? Good!'" Crowd chants along! Music plays.

There's a dancing girl as the cameraman tries with limited success to shoot around a fan's sign. Meanwhile, Tenay implores us to check out the NWA TNA website ( -- there's a silent auction going on up, all proceeds are going to the reward fund for the DC Sniper.

There's Scott Hall's music -- and the bad man himself! Tenay doesn't have THIS on his format! Hall's trunks say HALL in the front and KLIQ in the back. He's got a mic -- crowd chants "Hey Yo." "Hey Yo. Um, I know I'm not supposed to be out here now, I'm supposed to wait 'til later, but I'm not that good at followin' the rules. And I've been trying my best to be a good boy since I got here, and I'm sick and tryerd of tyin' -- I mean, sick and tryerd -- tch. Anyway, somethin' like that. I can't be a good boy, is what I'm trying to say. And Jeff Jarrett., I heard that you had some things to say about me. So from now on, I'm just gonna do whatever I want -- and Jarrett, I want you." Despite that ambiguous double meaning, Jarrett comes out -- ladies and gentlemen, we have a match.

Scott Hall vs. Jeff Jarrett. As the bell rings, Hall ducks a clothesline -- hits one of this own -- right hand -- right -- Jarrett goes out to the floor. Hall right out after him, throwing him back in. Jarrett's kick caught, Hall spins him around and takes him down with a big right. Jarrett face-first into the corner. And into the opposite corner. Hall turns Jarrett around -- slap to the chest, and Jarrett bails out of the ring again. Hall follows -- right hand -- Jarrett back into the ring and clubs Hall as Hall comes in. Jarrett with stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp. Punch to the jaw -- threaten the ref -- right to Hall, another, Whip reversed, ducks the clothesline, going for the crossbody (because he's a FOOL) but gets caught -- Hall nods knowingly -- there's the fallaway slam! Jarrett leaves the ring AGAIN, making "forget THIS" gestures and heading up the ramp. Hall's right behind him -- turns Jarrett around, slap to the face, Jarrett staggers off the ramp. Hall with a right, shove into the guardrail, throws a plastic garbage can at him, picks it up and hits Jarrett with it again. Jarrett comes up with a punch (or possibly a shot to Hall's eyes), hits Hall with the garbage can, says, "hey, this is *plastic*," and tosses it aside in favor of a steel chair. They're in the crowd now. Across Hall's back with the chair, followed by a right and a shove into the bleacher steps. Grinding the top of the chair into Hall's neck. Hall with a boot to the midsection, grabs the chair away, shot to Jarrett's back, and another. Right, right, over the guardrail. Face-first into the announce table goes Jarrett. Slap to the chest, rolled into the ring. Irish whip reversed, Jarrett's back body telegraphed and Hall hits the knee. Boot to the gut -- Hall gets Jarrett's head between his legs and signals for the Edge -- but Jarrett back drops Hall out of the ring, sending Hall hard to the floor. Jarrett off the apron with a blow to Hall's back. Jarrett moves the steel steps and sends Hall into the ringpost. Jarrett grabs another chair and runs the top edge into Hall's gut. Shoves Hall back into the ring. Head to the turnbuckle pad -- Hall blinks confusedly. I think he just woke up! Jarrett goes up for five rights to the head. Right hand. Another -- Hall fires back with a right, right, whip into the ropes, going for the back body but Jarrett grabs all's head and slams him face-first to the mat. Jarrett puts Hall over the second rope and hits the Bossman straddle -- teases the strut but decides against it. Stomp instead. Right, right, right, Hall right, Hall with a whip -- going for the back body AGAIN, but Jarrett prefers the swingin' neckbreaker. 1, 2, shoulder up. Another 1, 2 -- Jarrett's feet are on the bottom rope but Hall still kicks out. Whip into the ropes, Hall ducks the back elbow -- Jarrett clambers on Hall's back and applies the sleeper. Hall has that thousand yard stare as he slooooowly lurches towards the ropes. Down to one knee -- now down to a seated position. Ref Rudy Charles checks the hold, but doesn't check Hall's arm. Finally Hall starts fighting back -- up to one knee -- up to both feet, shoots Jarrett into the ropes -- Jarrett goes for a hiptoss, but it's blocked -- Hall gets a knee into Jarrett's stomach and hits the CHOKESLAM. He can't capitalize -- both men are flat on their backs, looking like they're ready to make snow angels. Ref Charles starts the count. At seven, Jarrett crawls over for the cover -- 1, 2, NO! Good -- it would suck if Jarrett had pinned Hall after Hall hit the chokeslam, eh? Both men up -- Hall blocks Jarrett's punch and lands his own -- and again. Hall into the ropes, Jarrett ducks the clothesline and Hall pulls up short of clobbering the ref. Jarrett goes for his own clothesline -- Hall ducks and (surprise!) the ref eats it. Hall clotheslines JJ down -- Jarrett out again, fetching a steel chair while Hall tugs petulantly at the ref's shirt. Chair to Hall's head! Jarrett covers but the ref is out -- come on, it's YOUR fault, Jarrett. Curt Hennig is out now -- right to Jarrett, whip, and a clothesline that misses Jarrett by a foot or so. AND THE LIGHTS GO OUT! Ron "The Truth" Killings shows up on our video screens. He's got his belt -- and a mic! "Curt Hennig, you know, you never cease to amaze me. Maybe I've been giving you too much thought, because you got a match with ME tonight, and you're out there playin' with your old buddies! Well, you know what? Tonight, I'm gonna be in your ass like a old, cold, rectal thermometer." WHOAH, that sounds like a necrophilia angle to ME. Lights go back up -- Hennig has a "Golly, what was I thinking?" look on his face -- and Brian Lawler attacks from behind! Stompanato action -- B.G. James makes the save and chases Lawler up the ramp. Jarrett goes to give Hennig The Stroke -- Hennig blocks and gets his leg up into Jarrett's privates. Jarrett stumbles -- right into The Edge! Oops, Hall can't get Jarrett up -- Tenay sells it as Jarrett fighting it off, but I don't think so. There we go -- it's The Edge! Ref back up -- 1, 2, 3! (11:38, Scott Hall pins Jeff Jarrett, The Edge)

Tenay plugs the silent auction again as we watch the dancing girls.

Quick recap of Lawler and James.

Brian Lawler (w/o April) vs. B.G. James. Lawler spits at a fan on the way out, and tears another fan's sign up. James rushes the ring and there's the bell. Lawler attacks James as he's getting into the ring and keeps him down with a series of rights. Pulls James up, right, crotch grab for the crowd. Lawler runs the ropes and charges; James simply moves to one side and lets Lawler sail to the outside. James comes off the apron with a fist to the head. James sets Lawler straddling the guardrail, then gently bounces him up and down as Lawler screams, "WOOOOOOWWW!!! OOOOOWWW!!!" Lawler fights him off, slams his head into the rail, hauls James down towards the announce table and puts his head into the rail again -- and grabs a mic. Standing on the announce table: "Hey, hey -- has anybody seen April?" He jumps off the table and hits James in the head with the mic. Going for the piledriver, but James stands up -- going for an Alabama Slam? Maybe, but we'll never know, as -- and I'm guessing this isn't purposeful -- James simply FALLS OVER BACKWARDS, sending Lawler RIGHT onto the top of his head. Lawler clutches his head while the ref checks on him -- he must be okay 'cause James picks up a chair and hits Lawler across the back with it. Lawler sells this by making a very Jerry Lewis-type face and screaming "WOOAAAAHHWWW!" Face to the announce table, and Lawler hurries off while Don West suggests to Mike Tenay that they should get the announce table moved somewhere else next week. James catches up to Lawler -- right hand and whip into the rail. Another whip is reversed, sending James -- well, supposedly into the steel steps, but the steps don't budge. Hmm. Lawler goes for a chair -- uh oh, that black woman with beaded braids is there. Lawler grabs her neighbor's chair -- "I got a chair!" "You didn't get mine!" James swipes the chair from the distracted Lawler and bops him in the head with it, causing Lawler to stand up straighter and pull another goofy face. Into the ring. Lawler rakes the eyes. Right, right, whip, clothesline ducked, James with the juke-n-jive punches -- final clothesline ducked but Lawler eats a big boot anyway. Kick, pumphandle -- Lawler drops behind, shoves James into the ropes, superkick -- he goes up for the hip hop drop -- but Syxx-Pac is at the top of the ramp! With April! And they're MAKING OUT! Lawler is SHOCKED!!! Finally, Lawler falls off the top turnbuckle, crotching himself on the rope on the way down, and James pins him. (4:39, B.G. James pins Brian Lawler, Lawler is an idiot.) After the match, James holds on to Lawler's ankles, preventing him from leaving the ring, and Lawler pretend-bawls while watching Pac and April.

Recap of last week Syxx-Pac / AJ Styles match.

AJ Styles (with Mortimer Plumtree) vs. Syxx-Pac for the X Division Title. Pac has some words for us. "Hey. I'm gonna make this short and sweet. I think --" Crowd is chanting something about AJ. "Hey -- just one second, lemme get this over with so we can get this match underway. I think it's a disgrace, I think it's the shit, when an X Division title match ends with a disqualification. You people paid too much money for that crap, so THIS thing's gonna be no DQ. But Mortimer -- you get your ass involved in this thing, boy, you're gettin' your ass whipped tonight, so you sit down there and you watch this match." Mortimer's at the announce table. There's the bell. Circling, Pac tries a kick -- AJ Pulls back -- wants a test of strength but goes for the crotch chops instead. That's Styles paying Pac back for last week. Pac takes offense and chops Styles down. Lockup, Styles goes behind, Pac reverses, Styles reverses back again, Pac runs around and shakes Styles off, sending him through the ropes. Pac hits a slingshot senton on Styles. Pac back in the ring -- Styles shoulderblocks him through the ropes, rolls over, runs the ropes and right into a spinning heel kick. Styles right, right, whip reversed, Pac elevates him and sends him face-first to the mat. Pac applies the surfboard -- rocks back and Styles is up in the air. Referee Scott Armstrong notices that Pac's shoulders are down and counts a 2. Pac with a chop in the corner. Whip reversed, Pac up and over, Styles up and over, catches Pac with his legs and whips him through the ropes to the outside. Styles tries for the slide, but Pac catches his legs, lifts him out, and drops him across the guardrail. Shove into the steps. Pac grabs the other steps -- Styles dodges them. Pac slaps Styles into the rail, kicks him, whip into the ringpost. Pac charges Styles, but Styles elevates Pac over his head -- Pac lands with his feet on the apron, chest first into the ringpost, and from there falls flat onto his back on the floor below. Right from Styles, rolls Pac in the ring, climbs up -- SPIRAL TAP! 1, 2, Thr--NO, Pac kicks out! Styles tries again -- 1, 2, kickout. Styles bow and arrows Pac's arms, with a knee, then a foot, between the shoulder blades. Pac powers up to his feet, reverses -- Styles with a drop toe hold, to a headlock -- back to the bow and arrow, putting his head into Pac's back. Pac muscles out with a rump thrust, elbow, chop, whip -- clothesline misses -- Styles hits his Asai Moonsault into a reverse DDT --nicely done. That gets a 2 count. Styles throws a little tantrum. Whip -- Pac holds on to the ropes -- Styles misses the front dropkick and crashes down. Pac's fired up -- spinning heel kick! And another! Styles reverses the whip, goes for the huracanrana, but Pac catches him with a sitout powerbomb. 1, 2 -- no. Pac puts Styles into the corner and there's the kick trifecta. Bronco Buster! Pac poses on the second rope -- Styles comes up and powerbombs him down. There's a rollover bridge cover -- 1, 2 -- Pac bridges up (!) and turns it into The Factor! 1, 2 -- Plumtree pulls the ref out. Of course, it's no DQ, so what can you do? Uh oh, Pac's got Plumtree by the collar -- Styles goes for the save but clocks Plumtree instead. Pac with a Northern Lights Suplex -- 1, 2, no. Pac goes up top -- comes off into Styles' fist to the gut, then Styles goes behind and hits a German with a bridge -- 1, 2, Pac kicks out. Styles up top -- cross body, but Pac rolls through -- 2 count only. Pac with a quick arm wrench, kick to the gut, powerbomb -- no, Styles drops out -- Styles with a kick to the midsection -- is he going for a powerbomb of his own? No, he's going for the Styles Clash! Pac handwalks between Styles' legs, trying to make it to the ropes -- he makes it! But Brian Lawler's back out for a little payback -- he breaks a bottle over Pac's head! STYLES CLASH! 1, 2, 3! YOU have a NEW champion! (8:55, AJ Styles pins Syxx-Pac to become X Division Champion, interference + Styles Clash.) Afterwards, Pac raises Styles' hand in a show of sportsmanship -- Styles uses the opportunity to pass the belt off to a returning Lawler, who waffles Syxx-Pac in the back of the head with it. Then, more celebration!

Event crawl -- hey, go to and bid to spend a night out with Goldy Locks!

Ace Steel (w/ psycho look and neck veins, but no Plumtree) vs. "Flying Elvis" Jorge Estrada (w/ afro and Priscilla)
Priscilla, I hear, was in the women's battle royal on the first show; I don't recognize her. Maybe I'll go back and check some day. Jorge poses, bell rings, we're off. Lock up to a side headlock by Steel; he goes to a hammerlock to an armbar. Then he goes to a waistlock and an amateur-style takedown. Steel spins around on top of Estrada 'cause this is the X DIVISION! Estrada reverses to a hammerlock of his own -- and yells, "I'm a hunk-a hunk-a burnin' luuuvvv!" Priscilla is pleased. Estrada spins around -- and another 180 degrees, into a front face lock -- bring Steel up as Steel reverses back to the hammerlock. Estrada reverses THAT into a hammerlock. Steel with an elbow, another, shoves Estrada into the ropes, drops under, leapfrogs over, back elbow misses. Estrada wants HIS turn: whip to Steel, drop under, leapfrog over, hiptoss blocked and there's a Steel hiptoss into the ropes. Estrada in the corner and he takes a forearm, forearm, whip -- Steel jumps on one of Estrada's shoulders -- Estrada rotates Steel around and slams him down. That was sort of a falling tombstone powerbomb or something -- it looked kind of cool and kind of awkward, so I'm not sure how purposeful it was. Estrada covers for a 2 count, anyway. Steel up but groggy -- a punch sends him into the corner. Whip to the opposite corner. Back elbow. Another whip reversed -- Estrada goes up and over -- no, Steel catches the legs -- wait, Estrada drops down and Steel is flung into the middle turnbuckle. I'm not sure they were both doing the same move, there. Estrada with a vertical suplex gets 2. Right, chop, whip reversed, Estrada up and over -- no, Steel catches the legs -- and NOW Steel swings Estrada around into a side slam. THAT looks like what Estrada thought they were doing last time. Crowd is chanting "Jorge," which I find incredibly cool. Steel with a right. Steel to the second rope -- pose -- dropkick to a seated Estrada, and Steel tosses him out of the ring. Steel running the ropes -- suicide dive between the top and middle ropes! Don West points out that this fits with Steel's "no wasted motion" style, since going *over* the top rope would give Estrada an extra moment to react -- damn, West is getting good! Priscilla is over to object -- Steel SHOVES her into the apron. Chop to Estrada, whip reversed and Steel goes back first into the apron. Estrada poses at the top of the ramp -- runs down, grabs a headlock on Steel, does a headstand on the apron -- rebounds off the ropes and hits the DDT on the floor. The woman with beaded hair is yelling at Steel. Back in the ring. Jorge signals from the apron -- over the top rope to the perpendicular rope -- sitting moonsault, but Steel's rolled away. Steel on the apron -- I think I'll describe that as a "slingshot Vaderbomb" and see if anyone calls me on it. Steel pulling Estrada up but Estrada fights back with blows to the midsection -- whips Steel into the corner -- runs in but Steel puts him up and over, onto the apron. Right by Steel blocked -- Estrada lands a right, right, elbow -- going up top -- OOOH Steel hits the rope and Estrada is crotched. Steel going for the superplex -- Estrada tries to fight him off but can't -- SUPERPLEX! 1, 2, no! Steel whip reversed into a short-arm clothesline. Clothesline, dropkick, whip reversed -- Steel going for the Gory Special (and from there, one presumes, into the Twist of Cain) but Estrada fights out of it. Estrada picks Steel up in a fireman's carry for the Trip to Graceland -- no, Steel reverses into a Northern Lights suplex for a 2 count -- back up, Steel never letting go, there's another Northern Lights for another 2. Estrada whip reversed, drops under -- Priscilla grabs Steel's ankle and down he goes. Steel turns around to complain, and Estrada grabs Steel, spinning himself upside down, and hits the sunset flip -- matchbook cover -- 1, 2, 3! (6:26, Jorge Estrada pins Ace Steel, interference + sunset flip.) Mortimer Plumtree hits the ring -- he was in back celebrating with AJ Styles! He has some words for Priscilla, who stands up to him -- Estrada tries to intervene, but Steel catches him from behind with a high knee. Steel beats on Estrada while Priscilla jumps on Plumtree's back and tries to choke him out -- hey, she was studying the Jarrett / Hall match! Plumtree finally grabs her head and flings her off. Here come da refs.

Event crawl -- rush to and bid for a chance to be Vince Russo's assistant for a day! *shiver*

Jeremy Borash brings out...Syxx-Pac!? Again!? Pac stumbles gamely down to the ring and grabs a mic while Tenay tips his real name. Pac: "You know, I know you guys have seen me out here a little too much already tonight; I'll get this over with real fast. You know, there's a couple reasons why I lost the X Division title tonight. Yeah, I know some of you think I suck, and that's fine, whatever. But the fact is, is that AJ Styles is a world class wrestler and he won the match tonight. And the other reason is this: I was too worried about pushin' somebody's buttons, about screwin' with Brian Lawler and messin' with his woman, and it cost me. You know, some things start out as a rib and then they turn a little bit serious -- truth is, I kinda dig April, she's pretty hot, she's a hell of a piece of ass." Wow, classy. "So Brian, before things get too much more outta hand, I got an idea -- we can settle this right now. Come on out -- I know you're a man -- at least that's what I heard, anyhow. So let's you and I fight. You kick my ass, you can have April -- I kick YOUR ass, and I take her back to my hotel room tonight and rock her world. So whaddaya think?" Out comes Lawler. "So what's it gonna be, Jerry's kid? Huh? You willing to fight for your woman? And mind ya, I just got my ass kicked out here for 15 minutes." Lawler is "sobbing" while he speaks -- actually, it's more like "panting,": but you take what you can get. "Hey -- please, okay? Listen! Syxx-Pac --" "Hey, you can call me Sean, okay?" "Listen -- hey -- the fight is over. The fight's over. April -- I don't want her. I don't want her anymore. She's used. She's a piece of trash. I saw you kiss her and SHE KISSED YOU BACK!" "Hey, that ain't all she did -- you just didn't see any of the other stuff, huh huh huh huh." April is out at this point, goes over to Lawler; over his mic, we hear: "I'm sorry, I'm sorry -- he made me do it -- I love *you* -- he forced me to do it. I love you. I love you. I love you." Pac: "Hey. I cannot hear what you're sayin', and none of these people can, either, so speak the hell up, for chrissakes." Lawler: "I'll tell you what she said. She just said -- he forced you to kiss him? He made you do it? And you still love me? You swear to GOD you love me?" "God, I love you , Brian. I love you. Only you." This is heartbreaking -- even the announcers know that Lawler's being made the fool. Pac: "Why, you no-good lyin' bitch." Lawler: "Syxx-Pac, I'm gonna KIIIILLLLL YOOOOOUUUU." He charges the ring and takes Pac down -- they roll around, trading blows, until refs and security come down to break them up.

Hurry to to bid on a chance to be The Truth's valet for a show!

Don West with the SUPER SELL -- Jorge Estrada & Priscilla take on Ace Steel and Mortimer Plumtree! Harris & Storm defend their titles! Pac vs. Lawler in a winner-takes-April match! Amazing Red takes on AJ Styles for the X Division title! PLUS -- Jarrett, Hennig, Truth, Hall!

Tale of the tape -- Hennig still has the height, weight, and experience over Killings, by two inches, fifteen pounds (hmm), and 15 years as a pro.

Ron "The Truth" Killings vs. Curt Hennig for the NWA World Heavyweight Championship. Killings does a little heel rap about the Nashville rednecks -- "Nashville trash, you can kiss my ass!" Hennig rushes out -- 'cause he HATES rap! Towel toss -- into Killings' face! Right, right, right, right -- Truth tries one of his own, but misses -- Hennig with the atomic drop! And a reverse atomic drop! Another right takes Killings down. Into the corner, chop, snapmare out, flipping neck snap -- Perfect. Killings rolls out, Hennig follows -- right hand, takes Killings behind the head and leads him halfway around the ring. Wherever he's going with this, he takes too long -- Killings shoves him off and into the ringpost. Right, right, right, kick, kick, right, right, European uppercut. Hennig wanders off while Killings stops to jaw with a fan (probably the beaded-hair woman). Killings up behind Hennig and introduces Hennig's face to the announce table! Kick, kick, right, right, right -- Killings, crouching on the announce table, unleashes a series of 8 rights to Hennig's head. He stands up on the table and yells at the crowd. Irish whip into the guardrail -- wow, that's the gentlest collision with a guard rail that I've ever seen. Killings going for the calf kick, but Hennig moves and Killings ends up straddling the rail. Hennig clotheslines him off, into the crown. Pulls him back over -- chop, right, Killings comes up with an AV cable and starts choking Hennig to death. Right, right, right, right, pelvic thrusts for the crowd. Kick from Hennig -- Killings right, right, rolled into the ring. Kick into the corner, snapmare out. Killings going up -- really nice legdrop off the second rope. Muscle pose for the crowd and a cover -- 1, 2, no. Whip, kick to the gut, Booker-style axe kick. Fistdrop from the second rope. Hennig crawls to the corner and tries to fight off more rights from Killings. He stumbles away to the next corner -- Killings grabs his legs, lifts him up, and spins him around with a face plant. Tenay lets us know that the mysterious substance that Killings used last week to blind Hennig was a "Ben-Gay type liniment." Cover and a 2 count -- pulling Killings off by his braids. Hennig's back in the corner and takes a couple of knees to the gut before turning things around -- chop, chop, Killings is on his knees. Hennig goes to pull him up and Killings hits Hennig in the groin with the back of his head. The Truth with a right, whip, flying forearm smash. One foot and muscle pose cover -- Hennig kicks out at 1. Single leg takedown from the mat by Hennig, who turns it into an anklelock -- but the ropes are right there and Killings grabs 'em. Hennig breaks and stomp, stomp, kick, stomp, stomp -- gets Killings' head between his legs (pre-powerbomb position) and twists his pelvis, wrenching Killings' neck (I guess). Truth up - right, chop, chop, chop -- Hennig with a slap to the chest. Killing responds with another chop. They regard each other for a moment, then Hennig kicks Killings square in the balls. Right, whip, back body drop. Hennig hurls Killings into the turnbuckle, getting enough height that Killings hits the cable between the pad and post. HERE'S MR. WRESTLING III and Hennig starts fighting him -- I won't transcribe this except to mention that Hennig gives Mr. Wrestling III a Mr. Wrestling II knee lift, ha ha. I'll also mention that Mr. Wrestling III's naked gut is ALWAYS hanging out between his sweat pants and his sweatshirt. Oh, wait, and I'll ALSO mention that Mr. Wrestling III sucks. This is like amateur hour. As Hennig tries to pull Mr. Wrestling III's mask off, Killings -- whose pants are apparently PACKED with foreign objects -- clobbers Hennig in the back of the head with a set of knucks. (8:27, Ron "The Truth" Killings pins Curt Hennig to retain the NWA World Heavyweight Championship, knuck shot to the head.) West says it's brass knuckles -- actually, it looks like it may be one of those rapper rings that cover all four fingers. Killings celebrates as Mr. Wrestling III escapes through the crowd. And we're done, except for the "Evil Returns" promo -- hey, that's next week! See you then!

If anyone's gotten this far, drop me a line at the Dubya-Vee. I'd like to know if anyone's reading this. Excellent!

Karlos the Jackal
from Wienerville

Mail the Author
Comment about this article in Wienerville



Copyright © 1999-2002 Christopher Robin Zimmerman & KZiM Communications