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/30 March 1998





This Monday, we celebrated - well, *I* celebrated - I doubt anybody else celebrated because it's not really much of a thing to celebrate, given the nature of the fact that all we're talking about is a guy who types up show reports - I think we're losing each other in all the dashes - I'll start over.

This Monday marked the third anniversary of my first WrestleManiacs recaps. Those of you deep inside with the CRZ knowledge already know that, except for a VERY brief return to back in '96, I'd been out of the business of recapping wrestling television since September, 1994 - somehow, Rick Scaia convinced me that a 3 1/2 year hiatus was really all I'd need to come back stronger than ever, and share my "gift" with online wrestling fans throughout the world...or at least the small part of the world that feels the need to find out what happened on television by reading an online report. And so, on 6 April 1998, I turned in my first RAW and Nitro recaps to Mike Samuda. The rest, as they say, is trivia.

What you MAY not have known is that I was *supposed* to start a week earlier. The official WrestleManiacs opening was WrestleMania XIV and MY tenure was to have begun with the shows the night after. Of course, signals were crossed and maybe I was lazy, but whatever the case, this report has long gone unwritten...until now.

In celebration of WrestleManiacs' third (and final) anniversary, I hereby submit the RAW report I was supposed to submit three years back. Not only am I doing it to lengthen my unbroken string of RAW recaps, not only am I reviewing what many consider an important cog in the rebuilding process for the WWF, but I hope that revisiting an old show years later may help to educate some of you as to why I write these reports in the first place - for weeks and years after I write down what happened on a given night, you and I can look back on that night...and depending on when and where we were at the time, we can be reminded of what we have seen, we can remember what we have forgotten, or we can learn what we did not know because we missed it the first time round. Enjoy!

DEDICATION: To Rick and Mike - what you have built may never come around again...but between you and me, the further away we're getting from it, the greater it has seemed to everyone else. Now where's my damn money? Winky!

The following is a presentation of USA Sports!

Rated TV-PG-V - "In over one hundred countries, in seven different languages, to over a half billion viewers each week - the World Wrestling Federation: the worldwide leader in sports entertainment!"

Clips from the previous night's show...along with Tyson/WrestleMania headlines - the highlight of WrestleMania, of course, was Steve Austin taking the WWF championship from Shawn Michaels

Opening credits

THIS IS RAW! From the SOLD-OUT Pepsi Arena in Albany, NY, we are LIVE 30.3.98 on the USA Network! Let the fireworks rip! Your hosts are JIM ROSS & MICHAEL COLE and in addition to visiting with our new WWF Champion, we'll have a steel cage match between Cactus Jack & Chainsaw Charlie against the New Age Outlaws - and an undisputed tag team championship WILL be decided! In addition to that, this show is en espanol donde sea disponible!

As VINCE McMAHON walks to the ring with a brand new (bigger) title belt on his shoulder, Ross tells us that Triple H has a special DX announcement later tonight as well. Is that a blue strap? The crowd chants "Austin" and Vince's smile already appears to have faded. "Ladies and gentlemen...ladies and gentlemen, if you can hear me...ladies and gentlemen, is this mic working? Is this mic working? I can't hear myself." I think his voice isn't going out over the PA. "I am pleased to present to you - you're so loud - I am pleased to present to you (there we go) the NEW World Wrestling Federation Champion, STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN!" Out comes Austin with the hold belt over his shoulder - he looks at his, looks at Vince's...gets in the ring, looks at his, looks at Vince's...tosses his at McMahon's feet and roughly grabs the one over his shoulder. Vince is a bit taken aback as Austin makes his way to all four corners for those in attendance with cameras. Although we know Austin will be defending his title at Unforgiven In Your House 26 April, we have no knowledge of his opponent yet. "All right! First thing I'd like to, uh, first think I'd like to say...other than congratulations - first thing I'd like to say, that I'd like to clear up any misunderstanding about what I may have said and what...(boos)...I'd like to clear up any misinterpretation of what I had to say several weeks ago as to you winning the World Wrestling Federation championship - um - the truth is...the truth is, I am proud of you becoming the World Wrestling Federation champion." Crowd isn't buying it. "I'm - I am proud of you to represent this company - my company - and Mr. Austin...together, and that's a key word, and I want you to listen...together. Together, Mr. Austin, with my vision and your charisma; together with my mental prowess and your physical prowess; together, Mr. Austin, one day you might become the greatest WWF Champion of all time." "Vince, let's cut through all the BS. I know for a fact that you hate me. But that's okay - that's okay because I hate ya right back. What you've gotta understand is there ain't gonna be no you or me - there ain't no we - you ain't gonna mold me, you ain't gonna break me - what you see, Vince, is what you get, and if you don't like that...tough luck." "Well, just for the record, I do not hate you - I am incapable of hate - it's not a word, really, that's in my vocabulary, Mr. Austin. Matter of fact, not only do I not hate you, I find you to be a...a genuine human being, I find you to be....a swell guy. Um, all right, I mean, you know, I find you...Iloveyou I think you're a - you're a hell of a guy, I--" "You what? You what? You, you said somethin', what did you what did you say?" "I I, said I think you're a hell of a guy." "Well I know you said I was a hell of a guy but you said something else, what else did you say?" "I, well, I, I didn't mean that I love ya, I just meant....I just's a figure of speech - let's just--" "Well now, what did you say? Figure of speech or not, what did you say?" "No, I just...let's not get confrontational and spoil this moment, okay? I're a hell of a guy, I just wanted to clear that up. I'm very proud of you." "But you said what?" Vince removes the mic and says "I said - I said I love you, okay?" "Put the microphone up to your little mouth before I bash it in - what did you tell me?" Pause. "I said I loved ya, but I - you, I , you know, I mean it's just a figure of speech, that's all I'm saying." Austin gets a chuckle out of this. "Okay, hot shot - I love you, too. Now that we got all the gratuitous BS outta the way - all the sentimenal crap, what I'm telling you and you can look right in my bloodshot eyes - I ain't gonna do things your way. I will continue to raise as much hell and do things and create as much chaos and give you more grey hairs every single day of your life! Nobody - nobody, especially Vince McMahon, tells Stone Cold Steve Austin what to do, and that's the bottom line." "Well, we can either do this the easy way...or we can do this the hard way, Mr. Austin, and that's gonna be your decision." "Well, that - that sounds like an important decision - the easy way...or the hard way - if I'm gonna be able to, be forced to make a decision here tonight, I'd like your definition of what the easy way and what the hard way is. What is your definition of that?" "It's real simple - the easy way is to learn to be flexible - to learn to adapt, Mr. Austin, and...if you'd bear with me for just a moment, please...Mr. Austin, adaptation is a key of life as well as in business. That's the easy way, and quite frankly the hard're gonna wind up doing it my way anyhow, you'd be forced into doing it my way, so that's the hard way and we don't even need to discuss that." "Like I said...that's an extremely important decision in my book - for yours and my relationship, can I have maybe ten seconds to think about this decision?" "By all means." Austin ponders...then looks the crowd...furrows his brow...then turns to Vince, who offers the microphone - but Austin kicks McMahon, and gives him the Stone Cold Stunner once again! "What you've just seen - what you've seen is how to do things the hard way. If you want Stone Cold to continue doin' things the hard way, gimme a hell yeah! Oh hell yeah." Austin grins broadly as his music hits. REFS & OFFICIALS surround McMahon as Austin goes outside the ring and says something in JR's headset about how he loves Vince.

WrestleMania encore presentation ad

Moments Ago, Austin made some interesting faces on his way to answering Vince McMahon

During the Break, Vince staggered out of the ring with some help

Our hosts talk about this second Stunner Vince has received

Backstage, Gerald Brisco and Sergeant Slaughter check on Vince's neck - because they're qualified medical experts, see

LEGION OF DOOM (with Sunny Donna) v. LOS BORICUAS JOSE (estrada) & JESUS (castillo) (already in the ring) - For some reason, I doubt this match will go the twenty minute time limit. The LOD won last night's fifteen-team battle royal - new attitude, new motorcycle helmets, new manager wearing very little. Jose is dumped to the outside, Jesus gets the Dommsday Device, Hawk covers, see ya. (0:34) Sunny takes the mic: "I'm gonna take the honour of mentioning to you the winners - LOD 2000 - ladies and gentlemen, this is just a small example of what you get when you mix twisted steel with sex appeal - I give you LOD 2000!" Ross says Sunny is certainly providing them with motivation - what, she's havin' sex with 'em? We are reminded that the tag titles are held up due to some lawyering last night - but we'll settle that tonight with a big cage match!

KEVIN KELLY stands in the Pepsi Arena Security Office - apparently Vince has called the cops and asked them to arrest Steve Austin NOW - and he doesn't care how many cops it takes.

"WWF Legends" spot

Let us Take You Back to Earlier Tonight, where Vince McMahon got a Stunner - Ross suggests changing the name of the company to Titanic Sports since Vince keeps going down.

In the locker room, Kevin Kelly says that the Disciples of Apocalypse tried to "smarten up" Austin to the fact that the cops were on their way. He quotes Austin as saying, "I ain't goin' anywhere - Vince McMahon doesn't have the balls to have me arrested." I think Kelly enjoyed saying "balls" quite a bit, there

KURRGAN (with Jackyl) v. CHAINZ (already in the ring) - I don't think *this* one will go twenty minutes, either. Lockup, Kurrgan shoves him to the corner. Lockup, side headlock by Chainz...Kurrgan picks him up and tosses him away. Gutshot by Chainz, gutshot by Kurrgan, kick, into the ropes, slooooow backdrop. Tonight: Jeff Jarrett in action, Marc Mero and Sable, and that big tag team match. As Kurrgan throttles Chainz, we look backstage where McMahon, Brisco and Slaughter wait in the parking lot for the cops to arrive. Chainz into the ropes, head down, kick by Chainz, forearm, off the ropes with a clothesline - Kurrgan doesn't move. Another clothesline - no dice. Going for a third but Kurrgan is ready and takes HIM down with a clothesline instead. Chainz whipped into the corner, shoulderblock attmempted but nobody home. Here comes Chainz - gutshot, right, right, Kurrgan blocks, right, off the ropes with a big boot by Chainz, off the ropes...Kurrgan hits HIM with a big boot - takes him off his feet. Motioning for the claw - that's the Paralyzer! Jackyl shouts "this is all your fault! It's all your fault this is happening!" Referee "Blind" Jack Doan counts down his shoulders - 1, 2, 3. (2:14) Jackyl hits the ring and watches...then decides that, rather than have him relinquish the claw, he'd rather have Kurrgan just drag off Chainz with him. Chainz helpfully backwalks up the ramp.

Outside the arena, a police car (or a limo with a rotating red light, not sure) pulls up - as the cops walk out, we quickly cut to break

Mankind stars in this Jakks' WWF Slammers action figures ad

Vince gives some instructions to the police - and now they're walking en masse to find Austin - Vince points them in the direction of Austin's locker room.

JEDOUBLEF JADOUBLEREDOUBLET (presented by Tedoublenedoublesdoublee Ldoublee) v. AGUILA (already in the ring) - Jarrett not only wears the blinking hat and blinking glasses, but ALSO a blinking jacket, a blinking pair of pants, and - no foolin' - a *blinking horse*. Aguila is fresh off his loss to Light Heavy champ Taka Michinoku and I don't think he'll be breaking his losing streak tonight. Jarrett is the only man thus far to pin the Lethal Weapon Steve Blackman, albeit with a bit of outside help from his promoter. Jarrett from behind and we're on - right, right, right. Into the ropes, reversed, head down, swinging neckbreaker. Ain't he great? Ain't he great? Right. Into the ropes, clothesline. Tennessee Lee joins the commentary team and gets cliched on us. Choke on the rope. Boss Man straddle. Stomp, kick, right, into the corner, followup clothesline. Ain't he great? gutshot, big vertical suplex. Lee suggests Gennifer Flowers is in love with Jarrett. Stomp, into the corner is reversed, boots up by Jarrett - Aguila backflips, backflips again...leapfrog, spinning heel kick. Blocked punch, knuckle lace, kick, kick, runs to the corner, no hands as he stairsteps to the top, flips off the top and hits a clothesline. Aguila is 19? Wow. Gutshot, scoop slam, climbs up top - corkscrew moonsault! I think Jarrett was supposed to roll out of the way but Aguila kinda lands on him anyway. Jarrett acts like he's not hurt...signals...and slaps on the Figure Four. Next week, Tennessee Lee has a big announcement - can you hardly wait? Aguila has to give it up. (2:38) Ross suggests Lee is either full o' grits, or full o'...something else. STEVE BLACKMAN runs out and wails away on Jarrett - Lethal Kick! He clotheslines him out of the ring, then turns around to catch Lee trying to sneak up on him - Lee begs off and hides behind referee "Blind" Tim White until Jarrett comes back in to waffle Blackman from behind. Lee and Jarrett quickly take their leave. Blackman yells at him to get his ass back in there, but it ain't happening tonight.

Back to the locker room area, where the cops lead out Austin in cuffs - he still manages to run over Vince with a headbutt before the cops regain control and lead him away. McMahon, Brisco, Slaughter and Garea follow at a safe distance...

DOK HENDRIX wants you to know that the WWF returns LIVE to the San Jose Arena on Friday, 15 May! Faarooq can't trust the Rock, Undertaker can't trust Paul Bearer or Kane, and nobody can trust Stone Cold Steve Austin! It's the Bay Area stop on the "Don't Trust Anybody" tour and it's going to be LIVE!

This is WWF RAW! And it's brought to you by 1-800-COL-LECT and WWF: The Music (Volume 2 - get it at Camelot Music and The Wall)!

Let Us Take You Back to Moments Ago, where Austin was led off in cuffs to a night in the pokey - some "during the break" footage is included of Austin being loaded into the car...which backs up and drives off - STILL looks more like a Lincoln than a cop car. Is Vince smiling?

Out comes VINCE McMAHON once again, flanked by COMMISSIONER SLAUGHTER & GERALD BRISCO. We might get an explanation of what just happened from the owner....if the crowd can stop booing for a moment. "I came out here...because I felt I owed you an explanation. (Boo!) Would you just show a little respect. (Louder boos) the state of mind that Mr. Austin is in, perhaps a 24-hour cooling off period is appropriate. I didn't wanna have to do that - I gave Mr. Austin - I gave him a choice. He selected his choice - dammit, I selected mine!" and he tosses the mic in the air on his way to leaving the ring.

TONIGHT: On the War Zone, we'll hear from Hunter Hearst Helmsley - and not hear from Chyna! Here's a few words now to tide you over: "You might think that last night DX dropped the ball. Well, tonight Triple H is gonna drop the hammer. The World Wrestling Federation as you know it comes to an X-Raided end - TONIGHT!"

TONIGHT: Undisputed WWF tag team championship decided tonight in a cage! Cactus & Funk against the Outlaws!

Backstage we go to The Rock (with the Nation of Domination), who *also* appears to have a new belt on him. "JR, shut your mouth and know your damn role, the fact of the matter is this: Ken Shamrock, after what you tried to do to the Rock last night at WrestleMania, you tried to end his career. The Rock can't hardly walk right, he's been spittin' up blood all damn night but it doesn't really matter, 'cause I tell ya what - the Rock is still standing here like a man and a half that he is. Ken Shamrock, I gotta big hand and you know what that means - I'm gonna lay the smack down on ya in a major way, tonight. But on to something bigger and better - you know, Faarooq, I just wanna tell you this right here right now, you showed the Rock last night a world that he wasn't too used - as a matter of fact, no. You showed ME something that I shoulda seen a long time ago, you opened my eyes to something and I really appreciate that, and for that, I'm grateful. I just wanna say this: you are the reason why the Rock has joined the Nation, you are the reason why the Rock has been successful, and you are without a shadow of a doubt, the reason why the Rock is still the intercontinental champion. For that, once again, I'm grateful, and after tonight, I guarandamntee that the Nation...will be the strongest it's ever been." RAW credits are up at ten to the hour...let's take a break and come back with the second hour, early!

War Zone opening - TV-PG-V

EARLIER TONIGHT: Austin thought it over, and chose the hard way - we were introduced to LOD 2000 - Austin was arrested - and that's all that happened of note

FAAROOQ & THE ROCK, ROCKY MAIVIA (with the Nation of Domination) v. KEN SHAMROCK & STEVE BLACKMAN - Rocky has a pronounced limp from Shamrock's WrestleMania anklelock, so it looks like Faarooq will start out against Shamrock. No, wait, Rock wants the tag - I think that overwhelming "Rocky sucks" chant is influencing him. Here we go. No, wait, check that - Rock seems intent on having referee "Blind" Mike Chioda keep Shamrock back. Finally, Rock stands in the centre and dares Shamrock to come at him...then backs up and tags out to Faarooq. Faarooq seems puzzled, but comes in. Shamrock seems pretty well worked up into a nice lather, but finally removes his gaze from Maivia and looks to Faarooq. Lockup, rake of the face by Faarooq, right, right, right, into the ropes, nice powerslam. Into the ropes again, Shamrock ducks the swing - right, backhand, right, backhand, big kick puts him down. Tag to Blackman - right, into the ropes, reversed, kicks over Faarooq, who drops down. Gutshot by Faarooq - snap suplex. Scoop slam - out of the corner but the elbowdrop misses - back kick by Blackman, snapmares him over, fistdrop, tag to Shamrock. Big clothesline by Shamrock...and a shot for the Rock as well! Back to Faarooq - into the ropes, back elbow by Shamrock. Into the ropes, dropkick grazes him. Rock wants the tag but Faarooq is in a headlock - tag to Blackman - Shamrock puts him in the ropes, and Blackman dropkicks him - another fistdrop - first near fall for the Weapons. Tag to Shamrock - right, left, right, left, right, left, right - off the ropes...but Faarooq catches him with a spinebuster...crawls to Maivia...but his outreached hand rises above his head as he reaches to him. Faarooq slowly gets to his feet...but Rocky says "I'm outta here" and leaves the apron! Shamrock with a clothesline - Kama and D'Lo Brown wonder what's up - we don't see Mark Henry's response. Shamrock runs into a boot in the gut - Faarooq picks him up to go for Snake Eyes but Shamrock frees himself and runs Faarooq into the buckle - belly-to-belly suplex! As we watch Rocky limp backstage, Shamrock covers - 1, 2, 3!! (4:23) Shamrock and Blackman leave alongside the ramp instead of up it...methinks something may come back down after this replay. Sure enough, Faarooq puts down the straps and asks for the microphone. "Hey boy...listen to me. Rocky, I told you, punk, that NO BOY grows up to be a man when they cross me! Now since you like to wear high fashion clothes and jewelry, I got something I want you to are - tonight, you gonna wear a good ass-whuppin' - get it down here!" Here comes THE ROCK once again...into the ring - they stand nose to nose - the remainder of the Nation comes in to try to diffuse the situation - but Faarooq takes him down and waylays him with rights - Rock turns it around and HE lays in the right hands - Brown, Kama and Henry join the REFS & OFFICIALS to break it up - Rock again leaves alone to a cascade of boos. "Hold on, boy - it ain't over - uh uh - not like that - get yo ass back down here." Rock raises his eyebrow...and when we look back in the ring, it's *the Nation* punking out Faarooq from behind! Kama, D'Lo and Mark Henry give Faarooq a three-way beatdown as Rock limps back inside the ring...and gives him a throat slam! "You let this be a lesson to you, you spupid piece of trash - there's a reason why the Rock don't ever want you to think that you were ever the leader of the Rock, 'cause the Rock is not only now the leader of the Nation of Domination, he's the Ruler of the Nation of Domination, and before I leave, lemme leave you with somethin'--" and he kicks him a good one. "Take that back to Haiti where you come from." The remaining four members of the Nation make the power salute before leaving the ring - and leaving Faarooq to suffer. Replay shows the Nation punking out Faarooq - Ross id's the eyebrow as a signal to Brown. The Nation slap hands after watching this replay on the TitanTron

10-321 presents the WWF Rewind! From WrestleMania, Pete Rose preached on anti-Boston style, until Kane completed the shortest face turn in history by giving him the tombstone

Let Us Take You Back to Moments Ago - "the raised eyebrow, it's time to go" - and go they did.

Your hosts are JIM ROSS & JERRY LAWLER. Faarooq just got himself four ready-made feuds.

"Theme from D-Generation X" interrupts things at this point as KING HUNTER HEARST HELMSLEY & CHYNA make their way to ringside. Is there a rift in DX? And, how CAN there a rift be if Shawn Michaels is gone for good, anyway? "You know, a lot can happen in twenty-four hours...let's start with Mike Tyson. You know, I must have asked a thousand times 'is he locked in? Is he with us? Is he a part of us? Are you SURE? Is it sewn up?' Heh - what I heard was 'don't worry, kid - I got it covered. Don't sweat it. You worry too much - it's sewn up. Let me make the decisions.' Well, you dropped the ball. But don't worry, HBK, 'cause Triple H picked it up, and now the ball is in MY court! I'LL take care of the worries - I'LL take care of the problems - and I'LL make the decisions. the genesis of D-Generation X. Tonight, live in front of the world, I form the DX Army - and army to take care of business that should have been taken care of right from the start. And when you start an army, when you set out to do what no one else can do, the first thing you do is you look to your blood - you look to your buddies - you look to your friends. You look to the Clique." The music starts up again - holy smack. Ross: "Well, look who's back." It's SYXX - or whatever we'll call Sean Waltman now. Sign in crowd: "Syxx is DX's lucky #" Syxx gives us the crotch chop, then high fives Chyna. "You know, when you've been an indentured servant for two run up a lot of feelings - talk to 'em, Kid." Time to see how live they are as he hands the stick to the man in blue bandana, leather jacket...and DX T-shirt. "ALBANY NEW YORK - RAISE SOME HELL MAKE A LITTLE NOISE! First things first - I gotta a little sumtin' sumtin' I gotta get off my chest right now. I heard Hulk Hogan come out on television sayin' I couldn't cut the mustard - well, Hulk Hogan, you SUCK, pal! So I don't think you have any room to talk about anybody cuttin any kinda muster. And Hulk, I got some - I got some more advice for ya. Ya better not stop short or Eric Bischoff'll go so far up your ass, he'll know what you had for breakfast!" Ross: "Well, he's tellin' the truth so far!" "And now on to important matters at hand. I'm sittin' at home with my mind on my money and my money on my mind - and I get a call from one of my best friends o' my entire life, Triple H, and he says 'DX needs your help.' Well dammit, Triple H, any time you ever need anything from me, pal, you got it. And I got something else to say - Kevin Nash and Scott Hall would be standing right here with us....if they weren't bein' held hostage by World Championship Wrestling AND THAT'S A FACT ERIC BISCHOFF so put that in your pipe and smoke it! So the way I see it right now, this is a new beginning for D-Generation X, and we're here to rip ass on the World Wrestling Federation...AND IT STARTS TONIGHT!" "Oh yeah, by the way, I got two words for ya..." "SUCK IT!" "Yeah!" Ross predicts that'll be the most quoted interview of the week. Did the WWF just get their NWO?

And now, the Slam of the Week...brought to you by BopIt! From WrestleMania, Luna Vachon takes the Sablebomb!

Helmsley and the Kid are still posing on the stage when we come back...

UP NEXT: Sable (and Marc Mero, too)

WWF Unforgiven In Your House is presented by 10-321!

Great athletes from around the world are migrating to the WWF - including...

Vignette time - the sounds of sex are behind that screen - no, wait, it's just some naked dude watching porn in bed. "Heh heh - damn, I am good! I am just so damn good! Heh, heh, wow I'm great. Wow. Hello, ladies - my name is Val...Venis. Heh, heh - I've just been previewing my latest flick, entitled 'Live Hard.' Heh heh heh - yeah, Bruce Willis is good, but Val Venis is great. Heh heh heh. You see, I'm the REAL deal. Au naturale. And ladies, heh heh, believe me, the gift that I have, no other male on the face of this planet has ever, EVER been blessed with, heh heh. And when I penetrate the World Wrestling Federation ...all the ladies all across the country will be squealing in delight. Heh heh - and oh yeah, you're gonna get ALL of Val Venis - heh heh heh heh. Wow. I am just SO good. Oh ho ho! I am just GREAT!" "VAL VENIS IS COMING - WWF" Oh PUH-leeze.

TAKA MICHINOKU (already in the ring) v. MARVY MARC MERO (with Sable) - Mero wants Sable to part the ropes for him, but she doesn't. Before the match starts, a familiar voice rings out over the PA - "SA-BULL! HEY SA-BULL! *I* want...a rematch." Yup, it's LUNA TUNES. "You got it!" "But I want a SPECIAL match with you miss Saaaaaa-bull." "You can have any kinda match you want anywhere." "Well then just let me explain the stipulations of the match I want with you. We're just gonna call this match an Eeeeeeeeevening Gown match. Do you remember, Miss Sable, when I tore your pretty little gown off your pretty little body? Well at Unforgiven, the winner of the evening gown match will be the one with the most clothes left on." Mero forbids her from participating. "And Sable - Miss SAAAAble...I am gonna humiliate and embarrass you, because I am gonna strip - you down to your BRA and your PANTIES. That is, if you *wear* bras and panties - ya little SLUT!" "Luna, I've already kicked your ass and it'll be mah PLEASURE to do it again!" "Be there....SLUT!" Mero is pretty damn unhappy about this. Big-time "Sable" chant. Meanwhile, Michinoku has been patiently waiting for the bell, and gets first shot - into the ropes, reversed, spinning heel kick by Taka. Dropkick. Off the ropes with a forearm smash. Mero hits a gutshot to stop the next one - and POWERBOMBS him down. Mero dares him to get up - left to the body, right, left, left, right and down he goes. Referee "Blind" Jim Korderas asks him to open the fists. Good luck. Into the ropes, Mero lifts him up...and lets him fall. Mero removes some tape and chokes away on Michinoku. Sable is unhappy about all the rulebreaking - Michinoku sneaks in a schoolboy when Mero turns to Sable...but only gets 2. Korderas tells Sable to get off the apron - and Mero hits the Golota. The TKO is academic - 1, 2, 3. (1:36) Sable is actually checking on Taka post-match - so Mero gives him a big stomp to show her who's boss. Ross asks Mero to show a little class - Lawler asks Sable to show a little...well...he doesn't complete the thought but I bet he wanted to say "ass." Mero and Sable are up the ramp...and now THREE JAPANESE GUYS come out of the crowd (security *almost* managed to hold one back) and start stomping away on Michinoku - that looks like a fishermanbuster, that looks like a choke powerbomb, and that looks like a top rope senton - well, each man has a nifty move - and before we know it, they're back over the safety rail and away. Who are these guys?

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HEAD BANGERS (already in the ring) v. MIDNIGHT EXPRESS (with Jim Cornette, already in the ring) for the NWA tag team championship - Cornette is saying something when we return, but all we hear is "DAN 'THE BEAST' SEVERN!" and out walks Severn in a suit and tie. Ross identifies him as the NWA World Heavyweight champion but fails to mention his winning runner-up in the world Freddie Mercury lookalike competition. Cornette says everybody's shooting tonight, so he decided to bring his own shooter. He goes on to say that the New Midnight Express will deal with the Bangers in under five minutes and bring their titles back home. Mosh starts with Bob - lockup, side headlock by Mosh, powered out, up and over, leapfrog by Bob, head down, leapfrom by Mosh, gutshot, into the ropes, up and over, hiplock takeover by Mosh, armdrag takeover, tag to Thrasher - into the ropes, double back body drop. Double clothesline. Bart in - *he* gets a double clothesline. Ducks a swing from Bob - up for an atomic drop from Mosh as Thrasher dropkicks Bart into a collision. Cornette has talked nonstop - mostly talking up Severn - mentioning his UFC Triple Crown (tourney, superfight, Ultimate Ultimate). Referee "Blind" Jack Down gets Bart out of the ring, leaving Bob with Thrasher - gutshot, Bob to the eyes, tag to Bart for the open shot - going for a suplex but Thrasher goes behind - to the ropes, blind tag by Bob, rollup on Bart by Thrasher but he's no longer legal - swinging neckbreaker by Bob breaks it up. Stomp. Severn and Shamrock are 1-1 against each other - hmm I wonder which feud they're setting up for Severn? Into the ropes, back elbow by Bob, tag to Bart. Open shot. Big left hand by Bart. Into the ropes and a tag - spinning sidewalk slam by Bart, elbowdrop by Bob gets 2. Head to the buckle. Right hand by Bob, right, kick, kick, scoop slam. Tonight, DX will introduce a new member! The Bombastic one is on the second rope...but Thrasher gets a boot up! Bodacious Bart wants the tag - and so does Mosh. Hot tag to Mosh! Right, right to Bart, right to Bob, scoop slam for Bart, scoop slam for Bob, dropkick for bart, into the ropes with Bob, powerslam - 1, Bart breaks it up. Right hand for Bart - all four men in - Bart whipped into the corner - going up fo the Ten Punch Countalong but Bob decks him to cut it shot - Bob up top - Bart with a rocket launcher - leg is hooked - 1, 2, 3! Ladies and gentlemen, we have NEW NWA tag team champions. JUST LOOK AT THE EMOTION ON SEVERN'S FACE!!! (4:02) Cornette whispers in Severn's ear - he hits the ring and gives Thrasher a belly-to-belly suplex (in his suit!) and Mosh gets a butterfly suplex. Then he cranks back on Mosh's arms. Cornette calls him off...and raises his arm. Where'd the Midnight Express go? Oh, there they are. Severn adjusts his tie.

Steve Austin uses his one phone call to call the arena - the muting doesn't catch up with "Jesus Christ" but does manage to eradicate "son of a bitch." Since the Stone Cold Stunner isn't punishable by the death penalty, Austin will still be around, so Vince McMahon's ass belongs to Stone Cold Steve Austin - next week on RAW is WAR, we'll all find out just how pissed off he is. Shouldn't be a fun night for Vince. Austin reminds us that Austin 3:16 says he just whipped your ass, and next week that's exactly what will happen.

The referees and ring crew are busy erecting the blue bars cage...let's kill some time while that's happening...

KANE & PAUL BEARER hit the stage. "Undertaker! Behold, your brother. Undertaker...did you actually believe last night, after the 1, 2, 3 that it was all over? Did you actually think so? You are looking at your flesh and blood - the only man to ever kick out of your famous Tombstone. Not once - but twice! And he would have done it a third time! Don't you know, Undertaker - you have had to change. After all this, I know you've had to change, deep down inside, that cold, cold heart that your body harbours! You have faced your flesh and blood, one on one! He beat you all over that ring last night - the whole world's seen it! You cowered in the corner, Undertaker, as your brother put his fist against your skull. After I returned to the hotel last evening, I put myself in bed, I shut my eyes...I was proud. But I was awoken at about 2am with a dream! Yes, Kane, I had a dream! In that dream, I saw a wrestling ring - in that dream, I saw the ring surrounded by that ring, I saw Kane, standing all alone. Undertaker, I challenge YOU to step into my dream - step into the ring - step into the fahr and face your brother one more time! But the dream is not finished order to win this match, Undertaker, either you or your brother will have to CATCH FAHR!! The loser much catch fire - an *Inferno!* Unforgiven! In! Your! House!"

Earlier Today, the WWF camera caught a glimpse of a NASTY, big ol' bruise on Chainsaw Charlie's right hip.


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CACTUS JACK & CHAINSAW CHARLIE v. NEW AGE OUTLAWS for the WWF tag team championship - James wears a JOB Squad T-shirt - Gunn wears a not-as-entertaining Kenny T-shirt - amazingly, it looks like they *did* get that cage up in time. The Outlaws hit the ring and Jack & Funk are ready - whoops, there's a tech guy trying to escape - also, there was no opening bell since the timekeeper was *also* trying to escape the cage just before the Outlaws hit. Gunn rams Charlie's head into the cage, then relieves him of his shirt. Jack seems to have the better of James at the moment. Stomp by Gunn right on the big bruise - and again. Jack over to help - shot to Gunn - double, they've hung his legs on the top of the cage! Cactus winds up and lets fly with a double thrust to Gunn's head! Funk works over Gunn while Jack tends to James. The reason these titles are in dispute is that Funk and Jack used the wrong dumpster to get the win last night, and the Outlaws had a lawyer - got it? Gunn backdrops Jack over the ropes and smack dab into the cage - he slides down to the apron. Yow. Charlie's head rammed into the cage - he has a ruptured kidney and he's in there? Gunn has *shackles?* Funk prevents Gunn from cuffing him but the Road Dogg has a set of his own...and uses them to choke on Funk! Gunn hits his Rocker Dropper on Jack, putting him out. Funk laid against the cage - the Outlaws are cuffing him to the cage! Jack is trying to get out the door but James catches up to him with a kick. The cuffs are against the bars of the cage, holding Charlie up by the neck! Jack put into the ropes, double flapjack into the STEEL! James taunts Funk - and punches away on him. Again, Jack is put into the ropes - but this time he manages a double DDT! Gunn is up first - wants a powerbomb, but Jack drops down, then catapults him into the cage! Gunn staggers over to Charlie - and eats a left. James has Jack - but Jack puts HIM hard into the cage. Jack decides to climb out - Gunn meets him on the top rope - Jack punching away on Gunn - and he crotches himself on the top rope! Here comes...D-GENERATION X? Yep - the Kid has a chair and WHACKS Jack with it - right in the back of the head - WHACK - WHACK - Jack falls back into the ring. Kid throws the chair into the cage to James - Gunn gets in position - James on the second rope - SPIKE PILEDRIVER ON THE CHAIR! Whoa, James is doing the Centipede...on his way to hooking the leg - 1, 2, 3. Ladies and gentlemen, we have new tag team champions. (4:41) Helmsley and the Kid hit the ring and join the Outlaws in a beatdown on Funk and Jack - some more cuffs are introduced on Charlie while Helmsley gives Jack a Pedigree. Gunn joins in the crotch chopping. Lawler figures it out - the new members DX promised to introduce are the New Age Outlaws. Kid with his gay porno donkey ride on Jack! Everybody chops their crotch. Kid lays in one more kick on Jack. Chyna watches on silently. Helmsley gives Jack one more chairshot - then leaves the chair wrapped around his neck. The music hits - all four men take a position at the top of the cage - credits are up and we're out.

So the *Road Dogg* invented the worm? By God, we've ALL learned something from this report!

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