/28 December 1998
WWF RAW is WAR
As 1998 draws to a close, I am reminded that I haven't done anything to
celebrate it yet. Ollie Posthlewaite, who keeps a damn fine page at
(Go! Now!) managed to be the only person smart (or dumb) enough to keep my
"1993 RAW in Review" textfile, which I have once again retrieved and
mirrored on my Archives here.
deal is I'd like to extract all the almost-funny bits of my eight or so
months of reports for THIS year and compile them into a similar document.
But the thing is, I'm REALLY lazy. So what I'd like to do is invite all
of YOU to waste time poring through all my reports of this year (located
at the Archives here) and
suggest good bits for me to use. If you could include the date of the
report in question and the quote, that'd be boss. Also, I'll give you
credit if you include your name (I may STILL include credit if you don't,
unless you have one of those annoying AOL screen names that I hate - ha!).
The catch (and there's always a catch) is that you have to give them to me
in time for 1999! So today, Wednesday, EARLY Thursday good - later than
that, forget about it. Go! Waste time! Then mail me! Oh yeah, if you can't find
anything funny that *I* wrote (and it's entirely possible), then you can
just give quotes of other folks that I've transpired, sure.
Okay, on to tonight's show. BUT FIRST, I have to give mad props to Mad Joe Mendes for the wrestling-related presents for Xmas - not only did I get STEVE BLACKMAN: THE LETHAL ACTION FIGURE, but a duo-pack of Kurrgan and the Jackyl ("Warning: The Jackyl does not feature bone-crunching action") which is already hopelessly out of date - gotta love it. I meant to give you a link to a picture of me posing with the Blackman action figure, but not only did I not get around to it, I don't look particularly photogenic at the moment, so there. Ha! Maybe next week, when I reinstall my ugly filter on the QuickCam (you know, the one that helps make me look like a movie star).
I got another groovy gift of Yule (yule?) but it'll have to wait for the Nitro report as it's WCW related. Yowza! Now you HAVE to read both of them!
One World Leader Attitude - WWF!
LAST WEEK: As the TV-PG-V ratings box clutters up the top left of my screen, we are treated to Vince leaving Shane in charge, Shane challenging Mankind, Shane getting his ass handed to him, Shawn holding back Team Corporate, Vince McMahon presenting Kane as the Christmas Bonus, and some footage which I presume was from last night's "Heat" as Vince told Kane he was *his* freak, followed by Kane saying "Thank you, Mr. McMahon."
Opening credits. I DEFY you to figure out them lyrics.
We are LIVE in the Pepsi Arena - the Arena of GeneratioNEXT! in Albany, NY 28.12.98 for the final RAW of 1998! Not only are we closed captioned, but en espanol donde sea disponible (courtesy Carlos Cabrera and Hugo Savitovich). Your English speaking hosts are a pair of Kings, Michael King Cole, and Jerry the King Lawler and we are broadcast on USA and TSN (more or less) LIVE.
Backstage, we see Mr. McMahon talk about firing Commissioner Michaels later tonight, and promising that everybody responsible for Mankind putting his hands on Shane last week will get theirs tonight. Then they enter the bowels of the building(tm) to find Mankind. Eventually, they do, as Mankind attacks - but they quickly swarm on him and present him to Mr. McMahon. McMahon reveals that his new year's resolution is to be kinder and gentler, even to Mankind - so tonight he's going to get a shot at the Hardcore title. As they walk out, the Outlaws' music plays - Vince asks what the hell is this? Shane says Commissioner Michaels already scheduled a Hardcore title defense tonight - Vince says "we'll see about that..."
ROAD DOGG JESSE JAMES v. VAL VENIS for the Hardcore Championship - James says it anyway, yippee. "Hello ladies, you know something for the next couple of days, this leg will be known as Christmas, and this leg will be known as New Year's - so ladies, why don't you come visit the Big Valbowski between the holidays.." - Back and forth punch punch punch to start. Venis takes him down, head meets the turnbuckle, whip, duck, jukin' and jivin' punchin' and breakin' from the Dogg. Big back bodydrop. Wobbly kneedrop (sucks). 1, 2, no. Whip, reverse, Venis spinebuster. Punches in bunches. Head meets the turnbuckle again, another right. Arm wringer, whip, charge, miss. Lotsa rights from James and TEAM CORPORATE is walking to ringside. Meanwhile, Venis is back, whip, follow knee to the gut, repeat, side Russian legsweep. Bump'n'grind and Test is in - BULLDOG! Referee "Blind" Earl Hebner calls for the bell - which answers the riddle, "how do you get a DQ in a no-DQ match?" (2:03) As Shamrock, Bossman and Test take the boots to Venis while Kane watches, D-GENERATION X storms the ring to join the Dogg. "Well, well, well, it seems to me -" VINCENT K. is out. "Road Dogg, due to circumstances beyond your control Road Dogg, this match is officially over. Not to worry however, because later on Road Dogg, you will be defending your Hardcore Championship, but it won't be - it won't be, Mr. Dogg, against Val Venis, oh no. You will be defending your Hardcore title later tonight against your newfound friend, Mankind. Now as far as all of DX is concerned - X-Pac for bronco busting my son Shane last week in the ring, we just started with you, pal, and that goes for each and every one of the members of DX. Every one of you is gonna pay. Nobody ridicules the McMahon family, NOBODY laughs at my son, Shane. NOBODY. And by the way, apparently there's a little DX left in the Commissioner Shawn Michaels as well, because Michaels, not only did not come to the aid of my own flesh and blood, an innocent young man simply doing his job, simply doing in essence what is his birthright, no, Michaels actually held the Corporation back from coming down to help my son. The moment Commissioner Michaels arrives in this arena, if I have to drag him down this ramp myself, I will, and I'm gonna put him in the ring, and I'm gonna humiliate him, and I'm gonna publicly fire his ass, just like I wish I could do each and every one of you." The DX theme plays as Hunter appears to disrobe - fortunately we cut to a shot of the Kings. Tonight, X-Pac vs. Bossman! Gunn vs. Godfather! Helmsley vs. Shamrock! Sable defends the Women's title! And another Hardcore title defense against Mankind! And Shawn gets fired! Don't you DARE change the channel!
Backstage, Al Snow rants and raves - he apparently hasn't washed out any of that technicolour blood he received last week.
While Mr. McMahon talks to Kane, Patterson and Brisco crack each other (and me) up by making faces behind Kane's back. Vince catches Patterson, and Brisco shows righteous indignation. Funny. McMahon promises that Kane will make sure every member of DX falls one by one, and he's got another one tonight, right? Kane pauses - then nods.
The 1999 Rumble Royale comes to you through the kind courtesy of 10-10-220! Actually Cole said 1998 but I think he's just clueless.
AL SNOW (with Head) v. EDGE (you think you know him, but really you don't) - Head has been shaved (?) and Snow is still a vision in red. Let Us Take You Back to Last Week where Snow got up from his pool of blood and said "Not again, not again" or whatever it was. Edge comes out through the crowd to his cool music. Snow attacks like a madman, which is the idea, I guess. Edge goes out, Snow follows, Edge takes charge, whip reversed and Edge runs his shoulder into the STEEL post. Snow with slaps and a choke, causing referee "Blind" Theodore Long to come out and break it up. Back in we go, Edge with a whip and a dropkick. Snow says "Look what I've done!" and Edge punches and kicks anyway. Snow with a lariat, then he tells Head to shut up. Scoop slam - Snow goes to the top - moonsault! No cover? Snow continues to yell at Head, then he goes outside and comandeers a chair - in we go - Snow up to the top - Edge pops up and puts Snow on his shoulders - forward slam and Snow lands on the chair - Edge to the top rope - senton misses. Snow with repeated heabutts, to the corner, even more headbutts. He pushes Peanuthead! Snow has Head - shot, repeated Head shots - FINALLY the bell is called for (DQ 2:49) and CHRISTIAN & GANGREL come out to take charge. Now the J.O.B. SQUAD is out to retake charge - Snow PASTES Duane Gill with Head and walks out through the crowd (the shot on Gill is completely missed by the commentators, oh well). The Brood's music plays as a cartload of refs break things up - we see Edge on the ramp, a weird grin on his face.
Backstage, Sable is stretching. Oh boy.
Gotta love the Glove, for Glover presents the Slam of the Week - from Survivor Series, Sable with the Sablebomb on Jacqueline to win the WWF Women's title.
In the locker room, we see Dennis Knight talking to X-Pac. Apparently, Knight said "*he* told me to be here" when X-pac asked why he was around. Reading between the lines, I guess Mark Cantebury is gone for good. Too bad, I'm gonna miss the ol' pigger.
(THE LOVELY) SABLE v. SPIDER LADY for the Women's World Championship - Sable is accosted by a fan prior to the match - oh, so THERE'S that Terri Power chick I've been wondering where she is. Anyway, we're not supposed to know who it is, just "a fan" who hands Sable a yellow rose and is quickly skirted away by security - Sable looks puzzled. Lawler reminds us that the last time we saw Spider Lady, it was Moolah - trust me, it AIN'T Moolah this time. Before the bell, Spider Lady totally THROTTLES Sable on the ropes, then kicks a field goal with her ribs. Another big kick. Her belt is off and there's a whuppin' goin' on. Sable hasn't looked this great in a LONG time. Finally, the ODDITIES are out to hold back the - whoa, she unmasks and it's LUNA TUNES! She goes for Sable one more time before thy stop her. Hey, there's George Steele! I need to watch "Heat" some more, I think, when did HE join that group. Anyway, Luna walks off, yelling "it's about me! It's about what *I* deserve!" as the Oddities check on the Champ. I guess this means no more Jennifer Tilly-esque performances from Princess Luna, which is a shame, 'cause she's HOT, ya know?
Let Us Take You Back to Moments Ago as Spider Lady attacked Sable from behind, including some mean belt shots to both Sable and the apron next to her, Luna unmasking, and backstage, we see the four male Oddities checking on Sable, while Steele utters one word non-sequiturs.
X-PAC v. BIG BOSSMAN for the European Championship - Last night on Heat, Kane demolished X-Pac, despite 'pac hitting the X-Factor on the big man. Let us take you back to Last Week, where Mankind interfered in the Hardcore Championship match enabling a win by the Road Dogg. Lockup, X-Pac ducks away and gets off a stinging right. Lockup, Bossman pushes him to the corner, misses a charge, rights from X-Pac, Bossman whips and shoulderblocks him down. Another whip, X-Pac is caught and powerbombed to the mat. Too much power. Big sitdown, right hand to the back of the head, head to the buckle, whip out to the opposite corner, he falls hard - Bossman dares him to punch, several punches are absored and Bossman clocks him again. Whip into a bearhug, and to the corner - hard into the opposite corner and the bearhug is STILL on. You know, it's just so WEIRD that Ray Traylor sucked so, while Big Bossman is cool. X-Pac rakes the eyes to get out finally, whip into the corner, charge misses and X-Pac staddles the second turnbuckle - Bossman SQUASHES him in the corner. Looping right hand, but only 2. To the rear chinlock - X-Pac gets up, elbow, elbow, elbow breaks the hold, X-Pac off the ropes but is caught and dropped across the knee. Headbutt. Big right hands from Bossman. He says "suck my ass" to random fans, then goes back to the big bows. Scoop slam. Bossman to the top rope? Nothing lands - he shouldn't try those moves, I think. Both men up, X-Pac to the gut. Right hand, another right, right, kick, kick, Bossman down! Spinning heel kick on the button! Bossman gets up again. Bossman up - repeated rights from the Kid - he's down - in the corner - bronco buster! But TEST is out to distract him. Whip is reversed, Bossman puts up a big boot. VAL VENIS is out and attacking Test from behind - Bossman goes out and for some reason the bell rings (DQ? 5:00) - X-Pac gets a GREAT pescado on Bossman (that's how it's supposed to look - like it totally hurt Bossman and didn't hurt X-Pac at all) and now they're paired off. The requisite barrowful of refs and officials try to break things up.
Training footage of Vince and Shane - Shane is the trainer, egg cracker, and motivator. Vince lifts weights and drinks raw eggs. This segment was actually pretty funny, but I NEVER want to see it again (yet I'm sure we will). "You gotta eat lightning and crap thunder!" Shane says "Austin" about a million times until Vince says "IHATEAUSTIN!" about a million times. Vince says "Ahhhh!" a lot, too. Oh yeah, that's the gym in the ICOPRO ads! McMahon does the double bicep pose - well, they're bigger than mine, that's for damn sure.
Backstage, we see "the McMahon cam," focused on the door Shawn Michaels should be using to enter the building. Wow, it's fun to see a door without Kevin Kelly standing in front of it, isn't it?
RAW is WAR is brought to you by Castrol, Burger King, and America (ha!) Online.
GOLDUST & STEVE BLACKMAN (with Riggs & Murtaugh) v. OWEN HART & JEDOUBLEF JADOUBLEREDOUBLET (with Debra McLegs) - Let Us Take You Back To Two Weeks Ago and One Week Ago Respectively, where Blackman unmasks two different Blue Blazers to reveal Hart and Jarrett. Hart is wearing a new T-shirt which people in the crowd actually have. I'd rather have bought an "and then there was OWEN" shirt but I'm not in charge of those decisions. God damn, Debra gets me hotter than I'm comfortable to admit. I hope we see a Blue Blazer in this match! Goldust and Jarrett start, Jarrett with the big mo, whip, duck, nice powerslam for 2. Another whip is reversed, Jarrett ducks but a clothesline hits. Goldust is ALREADY setting him up for Shattered Dreams? Hart distracts Goldust, Jarrett gets out, armbar drop. Hart tagged in, doubleteam, "Nugget" chant. Hart with kicks to the (not unsizable) gut of Goldust. Whip into the ropes, dropkick misses as Goldust holds on. Tag to Blackman! He's a house on fire! No he's not, elbowdrop misses. Enziguiri from Hart. Whip, spinning heel kick misses the mark but still gets 2. Another near fall for Hart. Chop, whip is reversed, Hart reverses into a Sharpshooter setup - Cole says Owen invented that move - huh? Sharpshooter is on. HUH? DAN SEVERN walks out with a neck brace on. Hart breaks the hold and goes outside to confront Severn. He apologises *again* and backs off as Severn gets closer. Finally, Hart backs up to Jarrett, who puts Debra in Severn's path. Hart back in the ring but Blackman takes advantage of the distraction to hit a schoolboy for the pin. (3:42) Severn walks away, Jarrett has a "what the hell?" thing going and he, Deb and Owen walk off. Goldust and Blackman shrug and accept the victory.
Backstage, we see Triple H and Chyna walking - Chyna has a new, slutty outfit on. Cole says "They're doing WHAT in the parking lot?" as we go to break.
And here we are in the parking lot. The Acolytes have just shut Dennis Knight in the trunk of his own car - Let Us Take You Back to Moments Ago as they jump Knight, beat him up, throw him against a dumpster, then load him in the trunk. The car drives away. "He told me to be here tonight." Is "he" Jackyl? Is he finally putting into motion his plan to take over the WWF? Stay tuned...
TRIPLE H (with D-Generation X) v. KING KEN SHAMROCK (with Team Corporate) for the Intercontinental Championship - The TV-PG-V ratings box and copyright notice that accompany the respective entrances mean we're into War Zone time. Remember, Triple H had to forfeit the IC belt due to injury and it was Shamrock who took the title in a one-night tourney seemingly an eternity ago. I nab a quick cup of coffee while H wastes time with his Buffer spiel. We are reminded that Shamrock lost to Gunn last week, although it was later revealed that the match was actually non-title. Rather sizable "Shamrock sucks" chant. Lockup, armdrag by Shamrock, rights and rights. Another right, here's a kick, punch, Triple H finally starts to punch back, back and forth punching, whee, H whip, atomic drop, Rude awakening! Shamrock rolls out of the ring. Hey, Cole, Tony Schiavone called - he asked if you'd stop calling actual moves as they happen because you make him look bad. H pulls Shamrock back in - or tries, as Shamrock gets the head to the gut. Clothesline as he comes in. Cole says "we encourage the fans, as always, to have freedom of expression at RAW is WAR - you know we love the signs, we love seeing them, but we reserve the right, when the signs are obscene, to take 'em away." This is referring, no doubt, to the big "SUCK" set of signs, that had an "F" on the back side of the "S" which took up a rather prominent spot on camera earlier in the show and probably caused a few heart attacks to TSN viewers. Triple H lets the presence of Test at ringside get the better of him, when he decides to give a show to him instead, and Shamrock takes control after the distraction, attacking the knee. 10-10-220 sponsors the Double Feature. Shamrock continuing to kick the knee. Commentators speculate on Kane's willingness to be part of the Corporation. Crowd is trying to jack Triple H up but he's still down. Kick, but Shamrock absorbs it and returns fire. Right hand knocks him down. Another right. Whip out of the corner and Triple H collapses - the knee is too hurt. The Technical Assassin continues to kick the knee and the "Shamrock sucks" chant is up and out again. Tonight, Shawn Michaels gets fired! Punches, whip is reversed and Shamrock hits hard as H falls down again. Punch to the back of Shamrock's head. H climbs up the ropes - right, right, right, whip, duck, high knee but it hurts him just as much as Shamrock. Forearm, repeat, repeat, whip, reverse, Shamrock puts his head down and there's the kneedrop with the head on top - Bossman is up on the apron but Triple H dispatches him with one right. Returning to Shamrock, Shamrock grabs the leg, rolls and the anklelock is on. Wow. Helmsley struggles to get to the rope - crawling, biting his hand to block out the pain - he gets to the rope! Shamrock isn't letting go! Shamrock gets two five counts from referee "Blind" Tim White and when he STILL doesn't let go, he has no choice but to call for the bell (DQ 6:36). Gunn clotheslines Shamrock from behind to break it up - Katy bar the door, it's a pier six brawl. Boss Man and Test are quick to join DX in the ring, but it takes PATTERSON & BRISCO coming out and ORDERING Kane to get in to bring the Big Red Machine into the ring - before he lays a hand on anybody, DX leave. Kane's music plays and we take a break.
10-10-220 brings you the WWF Rewind - footage from last week's pin of Shamrock by Gunn, Shawn Michaels announcing that it wasn't a title match, and Shamrock still the champion.
Kevin Kelly interviews Billy Gunn, who tells us that Ken Shamrock is walking around with HIS Intercontinental title - Shamrock shows up and they exchange lame insults but no blows.
SEXUAL CHOCKLIT MIZARK HENRY comes out with OH YOU BETTA RECOGNISE D'LO BROWN. Sign in the crowd: "I am Sexual White Chocolate" Apparently, Jacqueline and Terri are now calling themselves PMS, which stands for "Pretty Mean Sistas." And also, they're done with men. What now? "Now hold on a second, I owe a serious apology to my girlfriend. Chyna, last week, what I did with those women, it was absolutely wrong. I mean, after the nights of passion that we shared, it was completely wrong. But, I just want to let you know, that I'm very sorry, and my apology is from the bottom of my heart. And baby, I'm down on my knees - I just want you to come back - please." That sounds like EVERY Boyz II Men song. Anyway, the PMS come out - Terri says she LIKES to see men down on their knees - they have big plans in store for Henry. Brown takes the mic and calls them "glorified ring rats. You need to keep your damn distance, especially after what you did to Mark Henry last week. Now you damn sure better recognise, and you're damn sure lucky that I'm a gentlemen, otherwise I'd come right over there right now, and-" the DX theme starts and who should walk out but THAT SLUT CHYNA. She takes the mic from D'Lo. "He may be a gentlemen, but I'm not! And I'm telling you two, for the first time - for the last time - for the only time - stay away from my man." Crowd goes nuts. Terri has already hidden out on the apron, Jackie decides to mock Chyna's physique, and gets a choke into a big shove for her troubles. "Next time, I'm not gonna be so ladylike...and I'll see you later." Hoo boy, they got a big time shot of a lot of metal on her lower set of choppers - I'm talkin' "guest shot in Moonraker and not as a Bond girl either" teeth. I guess the reconstruction continues - kind of a shame, she was just fine before you know. Is Chyna smiling? Crowd seems to dig it.
Backstage, we see the McMahons and the Musketeers talking about something.
The Sable episode of Pacific Blue is rerun Sunday after Heat! Miss it not! It's a WOMEN'S PRISON episode! Ehhh.
Team Corporate is searching for ... who?
Here's a Special Look at the Year that Was. Nice package of clips from 1998 that certainly doesn't need any embellishment from me.
We come back to see Team Corporate putting the boots to the Godfather while the ho's scream. Bossman gives Kane a tongue-lashing, and then HE joins in the stompin'.
As we check the McMahon-Cam, we see that Shawn has still not entered the building. Lawler calls Vince "McMuscles."
BADD ASS BILLY GUNN v. GODFATHER - of course, with Godfather out, there must be different ideas afoot tonight. Gunn stumbles over the big word "Intercontinental." Gunn says next time he sees Shamrock, he's gonna kick his ass, and Lawler comes back with "you just saw him a while ago, and you did nothin'!" As Godfather's music plays, out comes SKIPPY, who says there's been a little change in the program - "just ask the Godfather, 'cause pimpin' ain't easy! Your opponent tonight is - CORPORATE - KANE!"
BADD ASS BILLY GUNN v. THROUGH HELLFIRE AND BRIMSTONE IT'S KANE (with Pat Patterson & Gerry Brisco) - Cole says it looks like Gunn is the targetted DX member of the night. You know we haven't had any wrestling for almost half an hour? Nah, I didn't notice either. Gunn strikes first but Kane strikes best. The Musketeers bark out orders and are generally unhappy with everything Kane does - or doesn't do. Neat springboard into a clothesline to the back of Gunn. This is all Kane, need I tell you. Back body drop. Gunn manages a Rocker dropper but it does nothing. Clothesline takes both men out but only Kane lands on his feet. Head to the apron is blocked and Gunn's head meets the apron. KING KEN SHAMROCK is out and there's an anklelock while Patterson discusses options trading with referee "Blind" Mike Chioda. Brisco gets Shamrock out of the zone, Kane picks up Gunn from the outside, here's a chokeslam. Cover - Brisco and Patterson tell Kane to give him another one. And there IS another one. Brisco demands one more time, but before tha can happen - X-PAC comes in and dropkicks Kane (DQ 3:58), who falls out of the ring but again lands on his feet. Gunn is quickly rescued by DX - boy, he went from almost IC champ to Kane's ragdoll REEEEEEEEEALLY quickly, didn't he? I mean, the Shamrock spot was supposed to show that Kane needed help to beat him, but I guarantee nobody in the building OR watching on TV thought that Kane was really needing the help at that point in the match. Oh well, who cares.
THE ROCK, who we have not seen all night, incidentally, comes out to join the commentary team for the next match.
ROAD DOGG JESSE JAMES v. MANKIND for the Hardcore Championship - The Rock *blasts* James for his opening spiel. "Oh shut your mouth, jabronie - yeah, that's real creative, real innovative, saying the same damn thing night in and night out, be like the Rock! Be electrifying like the Rock!" Rock talks about the Smackdown Hotel on the corner of Know-Your-Role Boulevard and Jabronie Drive. As Mankind enters the ring, we see that Shawn Michaels has just arrived and we take our final ad break.
When we come back, the match has apparently started during the break, as James is taking it to Mankind. Head meets buckle as Rock says "electrifying" several times, then says that both competitors are pieces of trailer park trash he couldn't give two pieces of monkey crap about. Mankind gains the big mo - clothesline and both men are out of the ring. James's head is taken to the barrier. Up the ramp we go, punch, punch, head to the STEEL, boot to the head. Cole says Mankind was named wwf.com Man of the Year because Time "screwed" him out of their Man of the Year award. Ha! Further up the ramp we go, punch, snap suplex on the stage! Mankind goes to the back, then emerges with a technician's table - scaring off a technician in the process - he suplexes the table on Road Dogg, sending cables and equipment flying. 2 count. (Hebner pounds on the table so we can hear it - very neat) Right hand from Mankind, Dogg back bodydrops him as he charges again. Cole asks Rock when he'll defend his title, and Rock says any time he damn well pleases. Dogg rushes Mankind with the table and clocks him. Down the ramp we go, Mankind picks up James and drops him on the apron. Another 10-10-220-sponsored Double Feature. Meanwhile, Mankind has found a toolbox under the ring, but before he can take it to James, it opens up and a lot of tools, screws and nails fall on him. James has found a cooking sheet and gives Mankind some shots with it - we miss some action as a fan jumps the barrier and we're not supposed to see it. Back in, James has a chair and Mankind gets a shot. Side Russian legsweep on the chair! 1, 2, kickout! whip, head down, Mankind with a piledriver! 1, 2, feet across the ropes. Cole wishes JR well, and so do I. Piledriver on the chair by Mankind! Cooking sheet laid across the face - LEGDROP! 1, 2, shoulder up *somehow*. Mankind pulls out some hair, just for kicks. Mankind puts Dogg through the ropes. Kick. Rock tells Cole he's gonna rip off his face and wipe his ass with it. Over the barrier we go - into the penalty box we go! Repeated rights from Mankind - he's got a monitor! But James ducks out before it can hit him - hey, it's just like the Nintendo game! Attack with the TV! Chairshot from James - mic cable choke - Mankind over the railing and he drops, and James hits the railing. Socko is out - Mandible claw! Cole: "Rock you know what THAT tastes like!" Rock: "You're gonna taste my foot in your ass!" James set on a table - Mankind climbing up the stands - ELBOWDROP THROUGH JAMES THROUGH THE TABLE! But Rock has left the booth - he's counting down from 5 - ROCK BOTTOM ON MANKIND! Cole: "I think he got his spleen slammed through his stomach!" James manages a cover - and Hebner counts 3. (9:30+ads) James is worse for wear but he's still the Hardcore Champion. Replay of the Rock Bottom on the "concrete" floor. Road Dogg sees this replay on the Titantron and gets a little pissed off that he won the match that way. Then he swears, not terribly creatively I might add.
VINCENT K. walks out alone. Gee, I love hearing about his pythons, King. "I've asked Team Corporate to stay back in the locker room, because I've got some business to handle and I want to handle this one personally. So therefore, Shawn Michaels, I know you're somewhere here in this building, and Michaels, if you can hear me, and if you've got the guts, Michaels, come out here, because I've got something to say, face to face, to YOU. Come on, Michaels!" While Michaels comes out, is it all right for me to bring up the rhetorical question of how (or why) Michaels' character could be so drastically rewritten in the span of one week? Could it be that somebody...well, somebody made some creative demands all of a sudden? Well, I shouldn't speculate. McMahon talks about Michaels coming in ten years ago, McMahon spending millions on marketing for Michaels, and Michaels becoming Champion - and that was the beginning of his downfall. McMahon plays some carefully edited excerpts of a Michaels interview from March prior to WrestleMania, where he basically runs down McMahon and gives the ol' ego a workout. Vince bemoans his own son, his own flesh and blood, getting the crap kicked out of him while Michaels held back the Corporation. "You became an ingrate, Shawn Michaels - you - you bit the hand that feeds you - my God, I thought you'd make a great Commissioner - I gave you a second chance, and look! Look what's going on - my son, Shane, my own flesh and blood - my God, how could you possibly - how could you have donw that? Sure, you're one of the great WWF Superstars of all time, there's no doubt about that, but as a Commissioner, you suck. And let me just say this - before I leave you with these parting words - Vince McMahon doesn't lay down for anybody. Shawn Michaels, read my lips. As far as the WWF Commissioner is concerned, Shawn, you're fired." Shawn looks rather sad, but then rares back and give Vince the Sweet Chin Music. Michaels music plays, the tie is removed, the shirt is removed, and he gives McMahon a dry hump as TEAM CORPORATE runs into the ring - Michaels is out of the ring and through the crowd.
Anybody seen Steve Austin or the Undertaker? Three weeks and counting...