You are here

/5 July 1999





I GET LETTERS: Just to confuse me further, I received a letter from a guy who wanted me to know that there ARE homosexual males who find Prince Albert's hairy ass attractive. I promise to stay on top of this penetrating controversy.

Hey, seen the blurb on WrestleLine on the website? "You didn't know? Check out WrestleLine - SportsLine and WOW Magazine team up to bring you the most electrifying website in sports entertainment."

Notice anything - MISSING - about that?

If you REALLY want to talk conspiracy theories, check out the original press release at I especially love the part where it says the site "will become the online home of WOW Magazine." Gag gasp choke arrgh.

Good to see that the respect built up between all the WrestleManiacs in the online community - culminating in the "People's Choice" Award from - has been so well-invested in a site that will eventually supplant the almighty in the hearts and minds of wrestling fan web surfers everywhere.

Moving on - I have several levels of bitterness...

Wednesday night I did something I haven't done in a long, long time: I saw a movie on its opening night. I felt like I HAD to go see "South Park," just to fill my bloodlust for naughty words - I've had this situation dealing with naughty words lately, you see. That movie was AWESOME. You must go see it. I know many of you will have to ask your 18-year old friends to take you, but it's worth it, believe me. Filthy language is DAMN entertaining.

Inspired, I offer apologies to Eric Cartman (AND Kyle's mom) and offer my thoughts in song:


WrestleLine's a bitch, it's a big fat bitch
It's the biggest bitch in the whole wide world
It's a stupid bitch if there ever was a bitch
It's a bitch to all the boys and girls

On Monday it's a bitch, on Tuesday it's a bitch
And Wednesday to Saturday it's a bitch
Then on Sunday just to be different
It's a super king kamehameha beyotch

Have you ever surfed this site I'm on
It's the biggest bitch in the whole wide world
It's a mean old bitch and it has a stupid look
It's a bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch

Bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch 'cause
It's a stupid bitch
WrestleLine's a bitch
And it's just a dirty bitch

WrestleLine is a biiiiiiiiiitch...

And in THAT vein, one more letter which sums things up nicely and takes us to the next millennium: [WrestleLine substituting] "fricking" for "f*cking" ... that had me in stiches. Ever see "Scarface" on regular TV? When Al Pachino talks about eating pussy, and they subsitute the word watermelon....ah, the hilarity. - Shawn Farmer

That's beautiful. Really.

Tune in next week when I submit a column translated to French, then back to English, to German, back to English, then to Spanish, and finally back to English! It'll look like this! Grant in the following week, in which inserted a column, that finally is translated with the French, on the other hand with English, with German, again with English, then with Spanish and again with English! He resembles himself this! NOW THAT'S ENTERTAINMENT!




LAST WEEK Austin regained the World Wrestling Federation title to join Bob Backlund (and some other, unimportant peopl) as a four-time Champion - TONIGHT Austin will answer the Undertaker's challenge to a First Blood Match!

Hey, that new USA Network logo is kinda neat - I'd seen it in promotional stuff a month ago and was looking forward to it, 'cause the one they WERE using kinda stunk (and they must have known it! Good for them! Get those people over to WCW STAT!) - still, four logos in under a decade - they may want to STICK with this one a while.

One World Leader Attitude - WWF!

Here's a TV-14-DLV ratings box and a WWF-style clipfest from last week, culminating in Austin pinning Undertaker to win the WWF Championship a fourth time, closely followed by Undertaker waffling Austin with the belt, bloodying him up. And a bit from last night's Heat, showing Undertaker challenging Austin to a First Blood match at the next PPV.

Closed captioned logo - opening credits - RAW IS WAR'S A BORN FOURTH JULY!

We are NOT LIVE from the Unnamed Arena in Fayetteville, NC 5.7.99 (taped 29.6) for WWF RAW IS WAR! This sellout crowd comes to you en espanol donde se disponible on the All New (Logo) USA Network and (Boring Old) TSN.

We start right away with the Not Wrestling as STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN brandishes the WWF Title belt and poses at all four corners. Last Night on Heat (I'm gonna start doing a Heat report - naah) Undertaker challenged Austin - I believe we just went over this. Austin says Vince's carefully laid four months' worth of plans were crumpled up and shoved straight up his ass - which is true on many levels, actually. Austin says he happily accepts Undertaker's challenge - he remembers the last First Blood match he had with Kane, where Undertaker busted HIM wide open and cost him the title - payback's gonna be a bitch, yep. VINCENT K. comes out to a rousing chorus of "asshole" to prevent us from withdrawl - he's got a bit to add - this fed ain't big enough for the two of us, so tell you what I'm gonna do - IF Austin wins the match, Vince promises to never, ever interfere directly or indirectly with him again; however, if the Undertaker should defeat Austin, then Austin has to promise to never again go for the WWF title. Why's Vince doing this? "The thought of you representing the World Wrestling Federation as the WWF Champion makes me retch with emotional trauma - the thought of you, Austin, with that WWF title right in the ring - the sight of it makes me physically ill - makes me wanna VOMIT! That's why I'm willing to take that risk, but I'll tell you this - if you decide to accept the challenge, Austin, if you decide to accept then think about it. This, one way or another, will be the end of an era. And Austin, if you are somehow victorious, neither you nor either any of these people will EVER see Vince McMahon again." Crowd cheers. Vince even goes so far as to say that Austin's own attorneys can draw up the contract. Austin accepts, and that's the bottom line 'cause you know you know.

Your hosts are JIM ROSS and JERRY LAWLER. Tonight, a steel cage match! The Rock and Triple H - what, again? Also, three title matches! And Hardcore Holly & the Big Show team up against X-Pac & Kane!

Hey! It's the Rock - and - oh my God - he's WALKING!

MICHAEL KING COLE works tonight! And he's got THE ROCK backstage. Rock takes this opportunity to model his new Smack Down Hotel T-shirt by placing it over Cole's head. Pretty funny. Rock says that the Rock emits electricity.



Threats for Triple H, threats for Mr. Ass. Sing along with the Rock!

HARDY BOYZ (with Michael Hayes) v. ACOLYTES for the Tag Team Championship - Let Us Take You Back to Last Night where Kane gave Bradshaw a lovely tombstone on the STEEL steps in the ring in an impressive shot that probably really hurt Kane's knees. Backstage, we see that Bradshaw doesn't have medical clearance, but Bradshaw will beat up anybody that tries to stop him from competing tonight. Matt with a pescado on both men to start, who catch him - so Jeff flies with a somersault and takes EVERYBODY down. Big brawl outside - now Faarooq and Matt inside and Bradshaw destroying Jeff outside. Matt landing on his feet after a backdrop attempt - neckbreaker. Off the top rope from opposite corners - splash & legdrop! Only 2. Matt staying on him - off the ropes - but into the spinebuster. Jeff charging in - Faarooq with a powerslam. Tag to Bradshaw. Big boot to Matt. Doubleteam on Matt - Bradshaw takes him off the ropes, another big boot. Shot to Jeff for good measure. Kneelift. Scoop - and a slam. Into the corner, shoots him into the opposite corner - Matt puts the boots up - but trying the plancha, Bradshaw catches him - so Jeff dropkicks Matt into a cover for 2. Faarooq makes the save, and they dispose of Matt. Now doubleteaming Jeff. Faarooq gets a 2. Reversal into a DDT for 2. Tag to Bradshaw after the kickout. Head to the buckle. Elbow. Another. Got him by the hair - Matt with a kick to the head to prevent the move - tag to Matt - repeated shots to the head - off the ropes - head down - kick from Matt but Bradshaw hits the giant clothesline. 1, 2, Jeff breaks it up - Faarooq in and tossing him through the ropes - Hayes up on the apron - Faarooq outside to deal with him. While all THIS goes on, Jeff has taken Hayes' walking stick and cracks Bradshaw's noggin with it - referee "Blind" Jim Korderas busy with Faarooq and Hayes. Tornado DDT from Matt - 1, 2, 3!! Ladies and gentlemen, we have new tag team champions. (4:25) Well, I'm sad Faarooq doesn't have a belt anymore, but it's nice the Hardyz took the titles in their own backyard. When we come back, Ross promises "the damnedest ho's you've ever seen" - and if THAT doesn't make you want to keep it locked in on RAW IS WAR, well, you're just not a wrestling fan. Or something.

WWF Attitude LIVE hits the San Jose Arena Friday 16 July! Be there or stay home!

Let Us Take You Back to Moments Ago as a walking stick and a Tornado DDT seals Bradshaw's fate.

TERRY TAYLOR interviews the Boyz and Hayez backstage. Matt starts saying something with is undoubtedly inspiring to all of us, but unfortunately the picture cuts out and fades into GTV, where Droz and Prince Albert are putting on their ho outfits - and Droz thinks he LIKES it...

GANGREL v. GODFATHER (with four - no, two ho's and ... ) - Let Us Take You Back to Last Week where Edge helped the Godfather out when Prince Albert tried to do a pierce job on a ho, and Gangrel looked on from afar with disapproval. In case you haven't had it beaten over your head, it's quite possible Gangrel's having some problems with his Brood-mates. Ooh, not that close to the ho's, zoom out, thank you. Last night on Heat (Slogan: "Where Angles Are Born") Droz & Albert lost a match which made them "ho's for a day" so mirth and hilarity are soon to ensue, for sure. I *do* kinda like them dollar sign glasses Godfather has on. Anyway, VAL VENIS comes out to share in the festivities.


Godfather introduces his two latest ho's - DROZ & PRINCE ALBERT IN A CAN. Droz does a Grind (just like - damn, who used to do that again?) and Albert stumbles about in his shoes. Godfather and Venis make sure we all get that they're laughing. I kept waiting for Droz to say "life's a drag" but it didn't happen. Anyway, Gangrel FINALLY has decided wrestling might be nice so he jumps the Godfather. Off the ropes, reversal, duck, right hands, spinning wheel kick for 2. Out of the corner, Godfather puts the boots up to stop the charge, clothesline out, clothesline again. Legdrop misses. Gangrel scoops - and slams. Off the ropes, elbowdrop misses. Legdrop HITS from the Godfather, 1, 2, 3. (1:19) Droz & Prince Albert decide to atack Val Venis - Gangrel joins them after surprising Godfather with his jumpin' DDT. The triple team is stopped when EDGE & CHRISTIAN come out and stop Gangrel, dragging him off (and unhappy at that!) - Droz and Albert walk off, the damage done to Venis.

Backstage, Stephanie tells Test she's worried about him, and Test tells her not to worry, then Stephanie makes her "puppy love" face to remind us that there's something there, we know now what.

The US Coast Guard brings you the Rescue of the Week - from Last Week's RAW, GTV presents Stephanie and Test leaving a hotel - when Terry Taylor tries to get the goods, the Mean Street Posse jumps Test backstage.

Let's take a look at that steel cage again - that steel is UNFORGIVING, sayeth Ross.

TEST v. THE MEAN STREET POSSE'S JOEY ABS - Let Us Take You Back to Heat Last Night, where Test found Abs in the front row and let loose, only to fall at the hands of the rest of the Posse. Abs comes out to the theme from those Mean Streets of Greenwich vignettes. Test spears Abs on the ramp to start - bringing him into the ring to start the match - Abs takes control and hits a nice suplex. Test ducks a clothesline and hits a gut-wrench powerbomb. In the corner, punching away, choke, into the opposite corner, clothesline that takes off his head, head to the corner, into the opposite corner, elbow up to stop the charge, right hand, suplex, right hands aplenty. Clothesline ducked, but big ol' chokeslam not. Before Test can put him away, SKIPPY appears forcing STEPHANIE out with him. Test, of course, is watching this, and failing to see RODNEY & PETE "GAS" behind him - there's a clip, there's a doubleteam, now a tripleteam as Joey is up (DQ 1:53) and Shane's making his sister watch. Finally the Posse walks off to the top of the ramp, Shane does a lot of screaming and Steph does a lot of scowling in his direction.



The APW 1999 Too Hot to Handle Tour continues with a stop in San Jose's Silver Creek High School Gym! Get the card here!

Chyna & Triple H are outside Chyna's car with some cops - Chyna is furious that her car is graffiti'd up with "DX" and "BREAK IT DOWN" - Chyna says she saw Road Dogg & X-Pac doing the dirty deed.

D'LO BROWN v. AL SNOW for the Hardcore title - Brown talks on the mic and misses Snow walking up from behind with a cooking sheet. Whack, whack, whack, and it's on. Quick enough we're over the guard rail and making our way back to the back. Broom to the gut - broom broken oover the back. Head to the concession stand. DUELING BEVERAGES! Now on an escalator - now off the escalator. I believe Ross sums it up nicely with "ah, the dreaded potted plant shot" - now at the pay phones, so we can have some gratuitous 1-800-COLLECT jokes - D'Lo reaches out and touches Snow with the phone's headset. Head into the door. A quick edit and Snow finds a shovel (a HUH?) and they take turns whacking each other with the shovel. Snow takes a garbage receptacle shot. Now in a dining area with lots of tables - but Snow's found a chain to choke with. NOW to a table - no, reversal, reversal. Head to a round table - D'Lo to another table - FROG SPLASH! Table doesn't break. Brown asks if he recognises. Snow manages to take Brown to another table (with powder under it), then says he DOES recognise him as he punches him repeatedly. Brown manages to reverse, taking Snow through a table. Brown gets some other tables dumped on him by MIDEON who happened to be strolling by, I imagine. Snow lays Brown on yet another table, then walks behind the curtains - Snow reveals that he's standing on a raised platform - splash off that, and through the table. 1, 2, 3. (5:10) Mideon walks out to check on Brown and makes a pretty funny laugh at him.

Elsewhere backstage, the cops ask Finkel, Slaughter and Garea if they've seen X-Pac & Road Dogg. Slaughter and Garea say no, and the Fink rats 'em out, 'cause he ALWAYS ... you know. Finks.

The Rock "gets chefy with it" - that is to say, "stands around and occasionally ingests ravioli while other folks dance and rap."

Yo! It's a cage! And people will be in it later tonight!

ROAD DOGG (with RAW credits) v. VAL VENIS (with "Earlier Tonight" clip and TV-14-DLV ratings box) - said clip involves Droz & Albert putting the boots to Venis - wow, no entrance at all shown for Venis - he either was really raunchy or they've got SO MUCH ACTION they had to edit out the entrance. Ha ha. Venis gets the early advantage but Dogg comes back with two clotheslines,


right hand and back to Venis with the whip/hold on/clothesline bit. Side Russian leg sweep. Bump'n'grind, right hand punches in bunches. Of course, I would be remiss if I noted that Lawler and Ross can't be bothered with commentary, preferring instead to talk about the DX merchandising money mystery and Chyna's spraypainted car. Dogg breakdancing between punches now - hey, there's SOME COPS & X-PAC as the kneedrop only gets 2. X-Pac in cuffs - and now the Dogg's in cuffs, and led off, as we look backstage where Billy Gunn and Chyna are watching in disgust. "They wanna play dirty, that's what they'll get." Hmm, let's say (no contest 1:37)

Strangely enough, we DON'T take an ad break to go directly to

JEDOUBLEF JADOUBLEREDOUBLET (with De-Bra) v. A BACKSTAGE LOOK AT X-PAC & ROAD DOGG LOADED INTO A POLICE CAR - NO, WAIT - IT'S CHAZ (with Marianna) for the Intercontinental Title - Ross wonders why Chaz suddenly gets an IC title shot - hey, yeah! Me too! Ross mentions that Chaz is wrestling in his underwear, causing me to wonder who could POSSIBLY be interested in seeing some guy wrestle wearing THAT. Chaz has the mo' until missing a second rope elbow drop. Whip is reversed, powerslam from Chaz for 2. Off the ropes, dropkick, off the ropes, Bossman straddle. Debra up on the apron and undoing her top - Chaz motioning to Marianna, who starts to give Debra what for - while we're busy watching four breasts - no I won't say "puppies" - whoops - anyway, Jarrett hits his Death Penalty for the pin (1:45) - before being able to break the geetar on Chaz, THAT GUY WE KNOW AS THRASHER runs in and cleans house. A joyful reunion between the former Head Bangers ensues. Uhhh....yeah! promo deals with the sensitive issue of dog crap

Michael King Cole stands in front of an exciting door - and promises that right after this next match we'll hear from Triple H and Chyna

Let's sneak another look at that cage - why not

RAW is WAR is brought to you by Castrol Motor Oily and 1-800-COLLECT, AND Western Union Money Xfers!

EDGE (you think you know him) v. BIG BOSSMAN - Wow, what's with all the matches? I kinda like it. Lockup, Bossman throws him down. Back up, lockup, side headlock from Bossman, off the ropes, shoulderblock and Edge hits the deck. Bossman begs him to get up - lockup, to the corner, headbutt to the heart from bossman, again, Bossman manages a reversal and a punch - Edge dares him to come on and get some - drop toehold - back up, off the ropes, reversal, spinning heel kick from Edge - Bossman slides out to the apron, Edge slides between his legs to the outside, then drops Bossman to the floor. Bossman back in - Edge back in with a missile dropkick from the top rope. Bossman manages to kick out at 2. Bossman brings him up and takes him down on the top rope. Splash from Bossman. 1, 2, arrogant cover nope. Better cover, only 2. Finally hooks the leg and Edge kicks out at 2. After arguing with referee "Blind" Jim Korderas, Edge sneaks up from behind with an inside cradle and gets 2 himself.


Bossman with a clothesline to knock him back down. Picking him up by the hair - scoop - no Edge, reverses, there's that famous spear - 1, 2, 3? (2:24) - hey, it's not THAT great a spear. Anyway, Bossman quickly perks up and takes the nightstick to Edge - now the cuffs are out and Edge is secured to the top rope - and now Bossman is giving the nightstick a workout on Edge - there's a shot for Korderas as well. Bossman dangles the keys in front of Edge as CHRISTIAN comes out, gives a shot to Bossman and procures the keys - but before he can unlock him, Bossman takes the nightstick to the back of HIS head. And now Christian is cuffed - Ross wonders aloud where Gangrel is as Bossman wallops the (we've forgotten they're) brothers with ye olde clube. Bossman raises his arms - he may have lost the battle, but tonight, he's won the war.

Michael King Cole interviews Chyna and Triple H. Chyna says she's going to press full charges - she'll make them PAY for damaging her property. Triple H wonders aloud how beating the living hell out of the Rock will get him closer to the WWF title.

Poor Keshia - from cute Cosby kid to annoying anti-smoking activist - how the mighty have fallen

The WWF Slam of the Week is presented by Starburst Hard Candy - it's Billy Gunn being Brad Pitt with an attitude, or something

KING ASS (with That Slut Chyna) v. MEAT (with PMS) - Odd enough we had a fan favourites matchup earlier with Venis and Dogg; now, a matchup between rulebreakers to further confuse the live crowd. Gunn pushes Meat off the apron to the floor to start and continues to dominate from there. It doesn't hurt that Chyna gets in a shot while Gunn discusses the 223rd anniversary of Our Great Nation with referee "Blind" Mike Chioda. Meat manages an armdrag and a - something - for 2. Off the ropes, Gunn manages to come back with a suplex. Off the ropes - wow, that was one high Fame'asser - 1, 2, 3. (2:39) - Jacqueline walks in and gives Gunn what for - so Chyna steps in behind her, then hits a forearm and a DDT while Gunn hits a DDT on Meat. Chyna takes out some spray paint - Terri gets her ass tagged on her way out of the ring - Ryan escapes pretty much unscathed. Gunn and Chyna take the spraypaint and paint the ring (AND Jackie and Meat) "DX" while Ross and Lawler put two and two together for the benefit of the more dim amongst the viewers. "Theme from DX" plays while Chyna smiles and Gunn invites us to kiss his ass.

In 85 minutes, RAW and the War Zone have had as many matches as were in three hours plus of Nitro. I just find that - interesting.



Let Us Take You Back to Ealier Tonight, where Chyna told the local constabulary that she saw Road Dogg and X-Pac tagging her auto. Later in the show, said finest took off DX in cuffs. And Moments Ago, Gunn and Chyna sprayed up the ring and the folks in it with spray paint "awfully similar to that on Chyna's car." Hey, do you get it yet?

WWF Fully Loaded comes to you a few Sundays from now thanks in no small part to the kind sponsorship of Starburst Hard Candy!

WELL IT'S THE BIG SHOW & HARDCORE HOLLY v. THROUGH HELL FIRE AND BRIMSTONE IT'S KANE & NOT X-PAC - Unless my grasp of tonight's storylines deceives me, X-Pac is still on his way to the Phi Gamma Slamma, making this a Handicap Match - Holly is quick to tell referee "Blind" Earl Hebner AND Big Show that HE'S running things for this team tonight. 'Cause he's insane, you see. Last night, seemingly from out of nowhere, Kane and the Undertaker started palling around together in the ring, because it advances a storyline or something. Holly still layin' down the law for Big Show. "This guy's unbelievable..." Show and Kane start - trading punches - now a barrage of rights by Wight! (well, it rhymes anyway) - Kane coming back with throat chops - Big Show blocks a punch and delivers a head butt - off the ropes, duck, standing dropkick from Kane but he doesn't budge. Off the ropes, but into a Big Show powerslam. Holly demands the tag - Big Show complies. On him with kicks and elbows - Kane is up - whipped into the opposite corner, repeated kicks from Holly - Tomahawk chop? - well, it doesn't matter, Kane's absorbed all that and now it's HIS turn to do damage. Standing on the neck - Big Show content to stand there. Well here's UNDERTAKER & PAUL BEARER come out to distract Big Show. Holly with a dropkick to Kane's knees, and another dropkick to Kane, and now HE is looking at Undertaker - Kane manages to shake it off and give another chokeslam to Holly to go with the four from last week. 1, 2, 3. (2:33) Big Show still mesmerised by the sight of the Undertaker, so Kane clips him from behind. Now Kane & the Undertaker are doubleteaming and generally confusing me and the audience. With X-Pac not around, Kane's not to be stopped - Kane with the suplex - naah. Undertaker joins him - WOW! DOUBLE SUPLEX on Big Show. Kane laying into him with punches. Taking turns stomping - now Kane leaving by himself. Anybody seen Holly? He disappeared during Heat last night, too. Slippery bastard, ain't he. Undertaker has a chair during all this - WHACK. Kane's left but Big Show's opened up - ahh yuck. This is a message to Stone Cold Steve Austin, you see! Undertaker gets in another stomp, then walks off with Paul Bearer, leaving Big Show bloody and groggy.

Looking for a videotape buy? May we suggest a fine choice from "Steve Austin: Hell Yeah," "the Rock's Know Your Role," "Come Get Some," or "Best of RAW, Volume 1?"

That cage - it just HANGS there - no no, not now! It's LOWERING! The main event is NEXT! (But, but, but! There's twenty minutes left in this show!) Let Us Take You Back to Moments Ago where there's a double suplex, a bitchin' chairshot, and a bloody forehead on the Big Show.



TRIPLE H (with That Slut Chyna) v. AD BREAK in a Steel Cage match - hey, I'm as shocked as you are.

TRIPLE H (with That Slut Chyna) v. ROCK in a Steel Cage match - Can I just say there are FAR too many people on this World Wide Web that spend FAR too much time staring at Rock's nipples? Thanks, I had to get that off my nipples. CHEST! Cage matches are no fun for play-by-play - it's always like "guy climbs cage wall - JUST at last minute, other guy pulls him back down to the ring." Yawn. Anyway, both men have an exciting array of kicks and punches to keep you entertained. To say that this match is just like the ten thousand OTHER matches they've had is to minimize the importance of the UNFORGIVING STEEL that's surrounding the ring. Then again...seeing Rock hit his dozen right hand punches in a row... Rock is the first to try to scale the cage - H pulls him down and not only crotches him but gets a nice landing out of the Rock onto the canvas as well. Ross: "I tell you what, when your face is thrown into that STEEL, you know what gives, and it's not your face, it's that ... I mean, that STEEL ain't gonna give up ..." I can't decide what I like more, the Helmsley kneedrop or the Helmsley kneelift - or maybe the Helmsley high knee! Speaking of which, there's the high knee following two ducks. Triple H goes for the door (always wiser than scaling the wall) but Rock holds on - H kicks him away but Rock catches him again, but not before Chyna slips him a set of handcuffs. H loads up his fist and KO's the Rock - there's another fisticuff! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Triple H locks one of the cuffs to the cage and tries to soften Rock up enough to put his wrist on the other. Face first into the cage wall. Lawler commanding Helmsley to get Chefy with him - huh? Rock hits a Golotta to prevent the cuffing. Rock takes Helmsley's head to successive top turnbuckles. Off the ropes, head down, Helmsley with a swinging neckbreaker. Triple H scaling the corner - ummm, the DOOR is right THERE, dude. Triple H one step away but Rock grabs the ankle. H kicks Rock away - now poised on the top turnbuckle - now trying to get out again - nope. Rock manages to turn this into a SuperArmdrag and Helmsley tumbles to the mat. Rock crawls to the door - referee "Blind" Tim White opens the door - but before Rock's out, Chyna rams White into the wall of the cage, knocking him out, then slams the door on Rock's head. Chyna in the ring and dragging Triple H out of the cage. Only problem - White is still out of it and can't ring the bell. As H and Chyna walk up the ramp, Rock is out and striking both of them. Triple H coming back - no, back and forth now - now Triple H going for the Pedigree out on the floor - Rock reversing to a catapult into the cage. White starting to stir but not before Rock takes Triple H back in the cage and shuts the door (ummm, why not stay outside, Rock?) Rock taking Helmsley to the wall of the cage -


Samoan drop - Rock climbing the ropes (the DOOR! USE THE DOOR! WALK OUT THE DOOR!) but just at the last moment - Helmsley grabs the ankle to pull him back in. Rock manages a gutshot and then a DDT. Both men down and not moving. Rock up first - again he climbs a corner (THE DOOR IS RIGHT THERE!) - Rock climbing - now turning around to hit a SuperAxehandle - just 'cause it looks cool, I guess. Triple H manages to come back with a facecrusher on the knee - Rock hits the wall and comes back into a clothesline. Crowd chants "Rocky" but Triple H is the one that's moving - Chyna exhorting him on - Rock is up and grabs the tights - now Rock on the ropes - Helmsley kicking him down - Helmsley over the top - Rock holding him by the hair - and now pulling him back in. Both men on top of the cage - exchanging blows - thumb to the eye by Triple H. Calling for a chair, and Chyna manages to just find one. Chair passed - whack! Rather gingerly swung, but I won't complain - for now. Triple H climbs down to the - oops, he slipped and crotched himself on the ropes, then tied himself up - now passed out on the mat. You tell me why he felt like he had to climb down on the inside instead of the outside. Man, cage matches are BRUTAL. Anyway, Triple H crawling to the door while Rock slowly - so slowly - climbs down the wall. Hey the standard ending! Unfortunately, Helmsley is leaving head first, so you know Rock's feet touch first (13:56) Fortunately, the baddies have the last laugh as KING ASS comes Fully Loaded (says Ross), hitting a Fame'Asser on the Rock, on the floor. Lotsa rights. Head to the STEEL steps, and now to the wall of the cage - Triple H helping. Gunn throating him on the barricade - and we're gone.

10 matches, 37:31. Get this - the SAME amount of wrestling as Nitro. So was this RAW pretty good or Nitro pretty awful? A little of this, a little of that. See you next week - but WHERE?

[slash] wrestling



Copyright (C) 1999 Christopher Robin Zimmerman & KZiM Communications