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/17 November 2000
Rollerjam by The Cubs Fan




I've been a big fan of Cubs' Rollerjam reports ever since he posted them to* and am delighted that he's allowing me to reprint them here since his gig with R"terminated." After you read this report, I'm hoping that YOU TOO will wonder why he hasn't been over here before! - CRZ


(Note from Tuesday Night: Everything below was written Friday night. But it's only up here now because of the stuff that's been going on with me this week. I'm not sure if this is a one time thing to point people to my own personal site, but I'll probably be showing up here as long as CRZ let's me, so I have more than two people reading the report.)

New York Enforcers vs Florida Sundogs

Open: After tonight, we've seen the last of either Mark D'Amato or The Prophet. The winner stays. (Oh, for a tie!) Plus, Tim Washington gets his shot against the his old team and his old friend. Some one will have to step up if the Enforcers are gonna win this thing, but who?  

Announcers recap the storyline. This week, in someone in a party hat who gets scared out from behind the announcers.  We watch the match race Tim had against Sean Atkinson from a couple weeks ago.

Intros. Why is Janet Abraham still in the Sundog video? Julie Amazon gets hyped a lot - wouldn't this be the game to bring back Lindsey Francis? I guess not. Tim's still wearing the belt around his waist.

Danny Wolfe talks to the Prophet (w/Tim Washington): He's in a happy mood. "Oh Danny, Danny as a manager and commissioner, I can only tough a few lost souls. But with full ownership, Big Nasty, full and complete ownership, I can change my path of wholesomeness to an interstate of wholesomeness! I'm so excited and I just can't hide it. I'm about to lose control and I think I like it. So sayeth the Prophet"

Enforcer intros. Telisa Miller brings kitty litter.  I dunno, either. The announcers put the Enforcers over as a banged up team. Loge comes out with lots of manila envelopes that say "Contract" out them. Hmmm.

Danny Wolfe talks to Kenneth Loge II and Mark D'Amato: "I am gonna retire a championship, a champion, I'm gonna wear this belt home tonight. This is the happiest day of my life." Loge (who's still talking from the 'hood and wearing the same clothes.) says that if the Prophet tries to pull a surprise, he's got a few skaters in reserve to use.  Well, gee, I wonder who that'd be... 

Period 1:

Back, and Danny's still with Loge: Contract #1 is, hey, THERE'S Lindsey! Back in black, even. Danny let's her talk: "I had something to say I have something to say to the that Prophet over there: Hey sweetcheeks, I guess your plan backfired. Listen, the only reason I went along with your game is I kinda thought you were a hottie with some potential, but uh, forget it!"  Loge's gonna save the other two.

Let's watch the Prophet throw up. (I guess this instead of a match up thing?) Moving on...

Jam 1: Lindsey jams, taking out Belinda Morgan. Double block is broken up by Telisa Miller, who beats up Katie Cooper and goes after Julie Amazon. Meanwhile, Lindsey gets four points and the Prophet begs to have her back.  When she doesn't...he gets ice for his mouth. 

Jam 2: Telisa takes out the two Sundog jammers, allowing her and Lindsey to jam easily to the pack. Helmet comes off, Sundogs go down. Even before the jams over, Telisa grabs a trash can and attacks anyone in the vicinity. 12-0, Enforcers

Jam 3: Lindsey jams again, but Belinda (without the bond wig this week) knocks her down. Double block by Heather Sunderman and April Tootle (announcers remember that she was doing good on this team in Lindsey's absence), who hold Belinda up for Telisa to knock down.  Telisa takes the kitty litter and dumps it all over Belinda - that's not nice. Here's a replay, and it's 12-0 after one.

Period 2:

Match up features Mark D'Amato...and the Prophet.  What, he's not gonna skate, is he? Guess they didn't do one with Tim in his Sundog uniform.

Contract #2 is...well, D'Amato's gonna borrow a line from Roddy Piper ("just when you think you know the answers, I change the questions"), and does mention how predictable it is for it to be Sean Atkinson. Prophet's reaction: "No no no no no no no no no!" Also, he's checking the lingo to see if he can stop this.

Jam 1: Dogma brothers jam, but they're going no where, so we'll watch Tim in the pack.  There's Travis Wills now even with those two, which is good, because Sean and Mark take down the Dogma brothers...but Tim takes out Travis Wills.

Jam 2: All four jammers out, but this time, it's the Martin brothers that help the Sundogs jam. Double block by Sean and Mark - double clothesline by Tim. That'll catch you up quick. Tim taunts some. 12-6, Enforcers.

Jam 3: D'Amato's gonna jam, taking out both Canine and Disable. Meanwhile, Sean balances the bench on the rail and the announcers desk and gets a garbage can from Telisa. He stands (and scares the announcers) and wait and waits and there's the shot for Washington. Sean lost his skates at some point, so he's now running around the track and waving D'Amato on - Sean dives over the pack and D'Amato skates around it. I'm not sure how that math works ('cause I'm thinking Sean was lapped a time or twenty while fooling around up there), but Corbin says 14-6, Enforcers. 


RollerJam Rewind: Atkinson: "This league is [fuck]ed up." Hey now, I know you can't say that on TNN. Recap of Sean turning over the Quakes last week - you know, it makes a lot more sense not to hype it as Sean's last game if that wasn't Sean's last game, so ignore what I said about that. Here's the challenge that, in case we forgot it. A fat man in a goat head. Here's some more match clips. That was a cool brawl. Hey, Sean said "ass" and it didn't get bleeped. 

Danny Wolfe talks to the Prophet (on the verge of tears) and Tim Washington: "First of all, I'd like to thank to my attorneys, Jack, O'Leary and Melane are the best lawyers money can buy. And I talked to them and they went through every book they could, and I talked to them about every word in the contract, and Danny, I don't want to cry on your show, but it's all legitimate! It's all legitimate! He is a sneaky, shady man! You are a shady man, Kenneth Loge III. Well, you can have any contract you want, but you can't have Big Nasty. You can't have Tim Big Nasty Washington what you sign and what you wrote" A man who only wants wholesomeness hanging out with lawyers? Here's Sean and D'Amato to look really short next to Tim. The Prophet jumps Sean! Well, that's an idea. D'Amato and Tim brawl, but the refs and Dogma brothers save the Prophet before he gets killed.

Feature: Tim Washington and Mark D'Amato both got ready for this game, but in different ways. Tim woke up at 5am, in some utility closet, using a ventilation pipe for a pillow and a free weight for a cover. Mark, apparently still living in that rehabilitation center, got up at the crack of noon, to tell his neighbors to cut off the racket so he could sleep more. Washington shaved his head in a broken mirror, using glass for a razor. D'Amato has an actual razor, and a blow dryer for the fuzz on his head. Tim eats an orange by savagely biting in to it. D'Amato shows us the Martha Stewart way of cutting oranges. Tim used a cigarette lighter to force himself to deal with intense pain, D'Amato used one to light his cigar. Tim climbed stairs while lifting weights to strength up, D'Amato wouldn't walk up the steps with just grocers. Tim psyched himself up by looking at a picture of Mark...and so did D'Amato. So they agree on something, I guess.

Period 3:

Jam 1: Telisa starts out quick with a bulldog, which leaves Lindsey and Belinda jamming by themselves again. Lindsey gets the better of that, and is stuck behind a double block, but Telisa tries to break it up. The double block knocks Lindsey down and falls apart before Telisa makes contact, so she only takes down  Katie Cooper, allowing Julie Amazon to block a little bit and Belinda to pass all the mess and get points for her team. Telisa takes down Cooper on her next pass around, and they brawl. 14-9, Enforcers

Prophet: "5 points celebrate us from evil!" 

Danny Wolfe talks to Telisa Miller: Danny wants to know who's number 3, but Telisa says "We don't need other players." She promises more kitty litter, 'cause it's her personal touch. And she scares Danny Wolfe.

Jam 2: Lindsey Francis jams (and fast) as Sean makes noise for no apparent reason. Telisa has the garbage can lid, which works good to break up a double block. Here's trash can shots to both people. 16-9, Enforcers.

Jam 3: Telisa takes herself into the rail trying to take out Belinda Morgan, leaving her a free ride to the pack.  Lindsey Francis catches up to Belinda Morgan, and Telisa Miller gets the lid. Telisa swings, Belinda moves, and Lindsey eats lid.  Oops. Belinda goes on to get 4 points. Telisa takes out her anger by beating up both Katie Cooper and Julie Amazon.  16-13, Enforcers.

Period 4:

Jam 1: Travis Wills gets the best of (I'll guess) Sam Martin, and is alone on the jam. Nice tattoos. Double block by the dogma brothers. Atkinson with the double takedown, and Wills gets 2 points. 18-13, Enforcers  

Jam 2: All four jammers out, but Travis is the only one who stays on his feet. Dogma brothers block, but D'Amato is back there to help. D'Amato tries for a double bulldog, but Disable falls down too soon. That's 20-13, and the Enforcers are one jam away from putting this away. 

Danny Wolfe talks to Kenneth Loge III: With this game on the line, who's the third person? (No, not that one.) Loge says they're doing fine, so they won't spill the beans.  Time for the final break.

Jam 3: Brothers versus brothers, with the Dogmas against the Atkinsons I guess. Tim Washington to block, but he hits the Dogma guys by accident. Jam called off,  we've got winners. Tim looks bewildered, but not really that upset. Atkinson does an elbow drop on the track in protest. He should really hang out with Crowbar sometime. "No No No No No No!"

Final: Enforcers 22 - Sundogs 13

Danny Wolfe to Tim Washington: Danny: "What are you thoughts, Big Nasty, you lost the game!" "Wait a second, we didn't lose the game. We didn't lose the game. 'cause you know..." he peels off the Sundog uniform, and yep, there's the Enforcer uniform underneath... "Once you go black, you never go back!"

The Prophet takes this as well as you'd expect. The Prophet grabs the belt, and after a moment, he tries to take off with it. D'Amato and Sean corner him, but when they crash into each other, he's off to the races. Travis Wills almost gets a hand on him, Kenneth Loge is less successful, Sean find another way to work a dive in, slowing but not stopping the Prophet. The Prophet ducks out the stage entrance and runs around the back. The Prophet jumps into a red convertible. After saying a lot of stuff is bleeped ("[bleep]ing [bleep]rds!"?) out and incomprehensible, but "I hope you rot in hell" manages to make it true. The Prophet takes off into the night with the championship, the Dogma brothers make a quick exit and Sean goes into a rampage backstage.  That's it.

My Thoughts:

See, the third man was a traitor to his side, costing them an important victory by going back to the group he'd been part of when he was most successful, and, more over, shedding the yellow and red for black...never mind.

This show did what it needed to do: The Prophet Saga is over (or at least it seems like it is) and all the loose ends involved in are tied up - he's gone, Lindsey Francis is back where she started the season, Tim Washington's back too, and Kenneth Loge is (presumably) back in charge. The good guys win, the bad guys are gone, everyone lives happily after (well, until we find out about that kidney transplant next week.)

At the same time, the show didn't really blow me away.  It wasn't bad by any means, but to really get into this show, you had to have gotten into the whole storyline leading into it. While I did like some stuff, like Lindsey returning (though the reasoning behind the whole thing was kinda weak), I wasn't into the end. I guess, the angle wasn't working for me at many points, so it's shouldn't be a real surprise that the blow off didn't either. But that doesn't mean the show was bad, I think.

I'm interested (or fearful) of where we go from here, but that doesn't happen for two weeks - no show next week due Thanksgiving (and a Dukes of Hazzard marathon.)

The Cubs Fan
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